Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Top 2: David on David Action (but no double strength virility)

Mopie : helloooeeewww
Weetabix : helllloooooooh! ok, my impressions of the performances
Archie stepped up his game a lot, but I think at this point he's only got the teeny boppers voting for him
Cook didn't impress me, but I think it's because he raised the bar already, so I'm going in, expecting greatness
I didn't hate what he sang, it just wasn't finale caliber
Mopie : yeah maybe so... still, I did not get any goosebump moments
Weetabix : right
it wasn't a Hello moment
Mopie : maybe "finale caliber" is the right phrase
Weetabix : or even a Phantom of the Opera moment
Mopie : no, or a Billie Jean moment
Weetabix : Archie's choice of Imagine was borrrrrring. I mean, it was a very good, but very safe choice...Anyway, we already know who won, but I have to say that I was worried
Mopie : man, Ian and I were both totally convinced Archie was taking it...as was, I believe, America
Weetabix : oh, so was I. I was certain it would be another Taylor situation, not that Archie is as annoying as Taylor...although they do both affect the Claw maneuver
Mopie : and not that Kat McPhee was as good as Cook, because, no. she's very pretty. but, no.
Weetabix : no, she's not. And actually, none of these people are as good as Daughtry!
Mopie : DAUGHTRY!
Weetabix : I'm sorry, but if Daughtry! had sung Phantom? It would have made me pregnant.
Mopie : I would be pregnant with twins right now.
Weetabix : because of the rewind?
Mopie : because of his double-strength virility
Weetabix : that is the power of the Chris lights
Mopie : I love how they're rewriting history... putting him in the winners montage and everything
Weetabix : Ryan actually implied that he won in the performance show
Mopie : go here and click on Music...it's pretty funny
Weetabix : Taylor got Pwned
Mopie : no kidding..."Taylor? Taylor who?"
Weetabix : Plus, they kicked J.Hud to the curb majorly early, but they'll totally take credit for her success
Mopie : I don't know, I don't think she was that good on the show...she had power but not enough control
Weetabix : I liked her, but then again, fat girl bias
Mopie : oh, sure...she was not one of my faves... I loved Fantasia that season
Weetabix : And speaking of Fantasia, we're about to blog...shall we?
Mopie : I am paused on the Davids dressed as preachers...and facing each other... it's like the beginning of some gay porn movie set in heaven
Weetabix : go!

THE FINALE BEGINS!
Mopie : there is not enough gay porn in this movie
Weetabix : have we started pronouncing "extraordinary" as "extra ordinary"?
Mopie : if by "we" you mean "Ryan Seacrest" then yes
Weetabix : are they back in the whatever theatre?
Mopie : there is... Tamyra?
Weetabix : I missed her
Mopie : so there were 97 million votes cast...and the score was 56 to 44%...and there is Ruben in the audience and why is Randy dressed as a popcorn vendor?
Weetabix : Randy Jackson is wearing some serious insanity. oooh, I remember Matt Rogers!
Mopie : Mikalah Gordon and Matt Rogers are the correspondents. I remember Mikalah! she sucked as a singer, but is fun as a correspondent. It seems like they could have done better thn Matt Rogers, though
Weetabix : probably. Like... ACE!
Mopie : Goulash is eating the toes off of a stuffed hedgehog. I felt I should report that. ACE! have you seen his video? there are a lot of arms.
Weetabix : that is vaguely disturbing
Mopie : the top 12... dancing
Weetabix : Tilly is licking her taint
Mopie : who are all those other people on the stage?
Weetabix : Syesha's like "Remember me? Remember my legs? Hello?"
Mopie : and why is KFC in the front?
Weetabix : those are the people from some dance reality show that I don't watch
Mopie : Syesha's legs certainly are showcased in this number. there's Chickeze! I remember him! KFC is doing a good job with the dancing and singing... I am kind of happy for her
Weetabix : oh Jason Castro... I suppressed him
Mopie : she and Syesha look the most comfortable right now.
Weetabix : Brooke is a hot mess when she moves
Mopie : Nurse Ratched looks like she wants to kill herself by leaping off the stage
Weetabix : and also, she and Ferocia Coutura must not have great legs
Mopie : Brooke always has had that little awkward quality
Mopie : Cookie is singing
Weetabix : I enjoy Cookie
Mopie : and smiling saucily...he sounds fantastic
Weetabix : poor little Archie is going to be a rocker
Mopie : I hope he puts out an awesome Daughtry!-like album
Weetabix : oh,I'm sure that he will...that's his destiny
Mopie : it is awesome that the two Davids are dueting!! they sound so good! I love this!harmony!
Weetabix : damn, I may have to get tickets to the Idol concert. For my NIECE! For Abby! Yes. That's it.
Mopie : THIS is a goosebump moment, for me, this duet. I effing love it. tell me this is on iTunes!
Weetabix : I'm sure that it is... they wouldn't miss that opportunity... and my god, I didn't even realize that I hate that song, due to the association to Nickelback
Mopie : here is an embarrassing Mike Meyers guru commercial
Weetabix : is he going to be on the stage soon? I'm actually clenching my anus right now
Mopie : this is so... very.... humiliating.
Weetabix : poor Mike Myers. Doesn't Shrek pay the bills?
Mopie : I cannot believe they are making them "meet the guru" and shill for this fucking movie
one would hope... poor Archuleta has a fake smile painfully plastered on his face
and I think Cookie is about to burst into hysterical laughter
Weetabix : that's an impressive prosthetic nose
there, Cook lost it. You called it
oh god, he's on the stage now
Mopie : I did! wow. uuuuug HOW LONG IS THIS GOING TO GO ON
Ian: "Are you sure Ryan Seacrest doesn't go home and feel ashamed?"
Weetabix : that's what she said
Mopie : there is not enough champagne in my glass to get me through this
Weetabix : You know, I just had a weird ephiphany as my mind wandered during the pain
I think I want to be winked at by simon Cowell
Mopie : oh ho ho ho, he called Ryan "Mr. Seafoam"
Weetabix : preferabbly while he is wearing argyle
Mopie : HILARITY. wow, this schtick has lowered your standards in every direction. here is Syesha awesomeing around
Weetabix : wait, we get another Syesha? Have we ever had a 3rd place person perform on the finale before? But wow, Seal!
Mopie : yeah no shit! that's fucking Seal!
Weetabix : does this mean that Heidi Klum might be in the audience?
Mopie : I don't know, but it might mean THIS SHOW JUST GOT AWESOME.
Weetabix : I would like to see Seal on Full Frontal Friday please. seriously! This is awesome!
Mopie : there should be an awesome directors cut of this show. go straight from Hero to this duet. this ruley McRules. is that Lorne Michaels playing cello? probably not.
Weetabix : and also, for the first time ever, I'm finding Seal kind of hot...probably not, no
but that? would put this show into the stratosphere of Awesome
Mopie : I like the sexual tension on this stage tonight. they are both very pretty.
Weetabix : dude, that was awesome
Mopie : they sound great together... fantastic. that ruled. I want an MP3 of that too.
Weetabix : wait, I think they just showed Heidi!
Mopie : WHERE ARE THE MP3s?
Weetabix : mphellyess!

COMMERCIALS

Mopie : okay I am paused on Seafoam talking about something
Weetabix : ok my unit freaked out
but it came back to Castro sitting on a stool
tool on stool
let me know when you're there
Mopie : to answer the question you asked a million years ago: yes, last year many of the top 10 performed, I thought
maybe not
no, season four
Weetabix : no, that's right, because I remember when Elliot performed with Mary J Blige
Mopie : remember Lindsay and Mikalah singing with Rascall Flats or something?
yeah. and. go I have tool on stool
Weetabix : i didn't watch the season with Lindsay and Mikalah
Mopie : he is reprising his performance. is Jeff Buckley going to turn up?
Rufus Wainwright?
Weetabix : considering he's dead, that WOULD be an awesome show
oh, I LOVE the Rufus Wainwright version
which was, by the way, featured on Shrek
Mopie : clearly I did not know Jeff Buckley was dead
Weetabix : I do! I can't help it! whoa, I can't believe I'm saying this, but... Castro has a nice ass
Mopie : this is boring and not as good as the first time he did it. I can't believe you just said that either. Melinda Doolittle is in the audience!
Weetabix : no, he's not afraid enough. The first time, he was uncertain and filled with vulnerability, which is what made it good. Ford commercial!So, they didn't have time to film one this week and they did a "clip commercial"
Mopie : it is fun to see them all luagjing and happy...wow, I need to slow down on the champagne
"luagjing"?
Weetabix : "laughing"?
Mopie : yes, that is what I was going for
the Davids got cars!! Is Archuleta old enough to drive his?
Weetabix : I used the "Drunky Mo to English" dictionary I have at the ready
yes, he's 16...Ooooh, finalist girls!
Mopie : hee. Seafoam just asked him if he had a license. it wasn't just me.
Weetabix : Carly!
Mopie : again, Nurse Ratched looks miserable...Carly looks hot
Weetabix : Ferocia looks short...ha, Nurse Ratched isn't wearing a dress
Mopie : Brooke is holding her arm out awkwardly
Weetabix : oh my god, when Nurse Ratched sings? I can't believe that she got into the Top 10
Mopie : what the hell is wrong with her? really. Ratched looks like she hates everything about... everything.
Carly rules, as ever.
Ferocia is wearing a horrible dress, and is not very good either.
Weetabix : no, it makes her look super wee
OMFG donna summer!
Mopie : oooooooh. bling-crophone!
Weetabix : I believe I've stated this on Weetapidol before, but I would really like a diamond-encrused microphone
Mopie : I would like everything I own to be diamond-encrusted.
Weetabix : including Goulash?
Mopie : especially Goulash.
and the parakeets.
Weetabix : Donna Summers is lip syncing
Mopie : their little diamond beaks
ooh, I did not catch that
Weetabix : or there's a backup/crutch track playing
she pulled away the mic and the vocals kept going
Mopie : it doesn't look like she's lip synchin right now
Weetabix : no, I don't think she is right now... this looks very real...also, is she wearing one of those cockroaches on a string? those are the rage... OH! it's her earpiece!
Mopie : wow this is a nice night for Syesha! she gets to sing with Seal and now Donna Summer?/
Weetabix : oh... something? it looks like a model of a stomach. Or maybe a kidney? I'm transfixed by Donna Summer's disturbing brooch
Mopie : I think Fantasia is in the audience... I have no idea what you're talking about... hee!.... ooh, Carly and Aussie are going to sing! Michael Johns looks extremely pretty
Weetabix : oh, I think Poppy bought a shirt by that designer when we were shopping... I recognize that weird faux studding technique
Mopie : Carly's dress designer?
Weetabix : and also, yes, AIMP is fucking fuckable. yes, that one
Mopie : it looks great
Weetabix : I will provide a link
Mopie : I might need tickets to the tour, too
Weetabix : Um, AIMP? I have missed him.
Mopie : for my niece
Weetabix : which you don't have
Mopie : which... I don't have a niece... but... I can get one.
Weetabix : do it for Elijah!
Mopie : okay! for my two year old nephew!
Weetabix : oh my god, she just touched him and it was the hottest thing ever
Mopie : I missed it.. shit
I saw a video of them singing "One" at some... thing
the two of them have been performing together lately
Weetabix : in my head, they are doing it
(with me)
Mopie : hee
Weetabix : that was... someone. The blond in the audience.
Maybe Marge Helgenberg?
Mopie : and here comes Jimmy Kimmel
with a Sanjaya joke... and cut to Sanjaya
god, this show is insane
Weetabix : who is alternately a douche and also adorable. I can never decide how to think about Kimmel
Mopie : I am a Kevin and Bean KROQ girl from back in the day... so I love him
Weetabix : was he on that show?
Mopie : he was a writer for the show, and yes, was on it occasionally
I like this Simon Cowell montage
mildly amusing
Weetabix : I do too! Plus, a wink!
the whole Kimmel thing, though, not so much
Mopie : top 6 guys!
Weetabix : AIMP!
Mopie : led by Michael Johns, singing bout "69"
Weetabix : he was gone way too early
Mopie : are they just trying to taunt us?
Weetabix : it's working
Mopie : oh my god, that Hernandez guy!
Weetabix : because then there's this guy, whom I had totally forgotten about
How did AIMP get canned so early and yet, Castro was around to taunt us?
I might have some good feeling sabout Castro if he had gotten canned early
Oh, I LOVE Heaven!
Mopie : the Davids look so cute together since Archuleta is so tiny
Weetabix : and hasn't gone through puberty yet
Mopie : and they sound so great together
WHERE ARE MY MP3S!
Weetabix : Archie's doing a better job with the eyes
Mopie : come on, Weetapidolers....
Weetabix : Oh, that was AIMP singing the "no no no!" in the background! HOT!
Mopie : and now... Bryan Adams has turned up? Is he still alive?
Weetabix : he is! And also, Canadian. It's Canadian night on AI!
Mopie : who else is Canadian?
Weetabix : he needs orthodontia. Bad.
Mike Myers
and, probably, someone else
Mopie : Bryan Adams looks grizzled
Weetabix : He's got to fix that tooth situation
Mopie : and thanks a lot, I had blocked Mike Myers's appearance successfully
Weetabix : sorry
Mopie : now it's back, and causing me psychic pain
Weetabix : Hernandez is doing gay strip club moves
I wonder if he'll sing that Robin Hood song
that plagued the early 90's
Mopie : hee. I have an ex boyfriend who loved that song.
Weetabix : David?!
Mopie : no, a straight ex boyfriend
Weetabix : paused on Ryan behind the popcorn man
I skipped over the American Idol themepark experience
commercial thingy
with Jordin
Mopie : I am pausing to watch the Jordin commercial
she looks awkward
Weetabix : because you want to find out more information? So that you can go to the theme park?
Mopie : well I love Disney, and I will probably go to Florida because that Harry Potter theme park is opening
.... er... have I said too much?
Cookie and ZZ Top
Weetabix : wait, are you going?
Mopie : I am going, are you going?
Weetabix : pause please?
Mopie : paused
on Cookie singing with ZZ
Weetabix : go!
and also, hot!
Paula is a little too excited
Mopie : I didn't know you had a beard fetish
Weetabix : well, obvs, have you seen my husband?
Mopie : he does not have a ZZ Top beard
Weetabix : but no, I meant the fact that Cook was singing another rock song
Mopie : also Cook is wearing a wallet chain
are you noticing this?
Weetabix : oh yea
and also, I just noticed his tight jeans and his package
for the first time in the entire show, I've noticed his package
it must have been a trick of the light
or the connection between "wallet chain" and "please fuck me now"
Mopie : there is Blake, the douche, to kill my Cook buzz
Weetabix : oh, I wasn't looking. I had turned to examine my bottle of
Evolution
the 11th Edition
Mopie : ooooooh
how is it?
Weetabix : I'm surprised it's up that high already
it's nice. A crisp nice blend for a warm summer thunderstormy night
some random math teacher in the audience?
Mopie : and now Mikalah is interviewing Cookie's music teacher
who might be a cougar
Weetabix : I'm sorry, if I ever get famous, I seriously hope that they don't interview former teachers
Mopie : the way she's talking about the memories and the flowers and touching her boobs
yeah, likewise
here is Brooke and Graham Nash
Weetabix : I kind of love CSN, though.
I saw them in concert even!
Mopie : hahahaha! I just saw this episode of the Office today, where Michael and Dwight sing "Teach Your Children Well"
Weetabix : ha! is that the Take Your Daughter To Work episode?
Mopie : I hope she has a nice Joni Mitchell type career and never tries to dance again
yes it is!
Weetabix : I'm singing along! I love CSN!
Mopie : I can't get Steve Carell and Rainn Wilson out of my head
Weetabix : we have the box set of masters. I'm such a former hippy kid it's not even funny.
Well, yes, this performance could use Dwight's proficiency on recorder
Mopie : hee. it could. wait, I am rewinding so I can watch the Sex and the City commercial
and then I think Cookie is in his underwear playing a guitar
Weetabix : he is. I posted that commercial on weetapidol already
sometimes Ryan has a look on his face like he just wants someone to kill him
is this the Jonas brothers or something?
Mopie : these are the Jonas Brothers, if rumor is correct
I am now going to learn what they are all about
Weetabix : investigating the Jonas brothers will put you into scary cougar territory
Mopie : oh god, I suddenly know how grownup people felt about New Kids on the Block
Weetabix : yes
Mopie : I am bemused and confused by the squealing
Weetabix : we are grown ups. This part of our brain is dead.
Mopie : although five minutes ago we were ogling Cookie's package, so I'm not going to get too high and mighty here
Weetabix : duly shamed, thank you...was that Leah Remini?
Mopie : I did not see.... I do see Ryan has some random lady in a red pantsuit on the stage
Weetabix : oh no, this is the part when they recap the bad auditions
Mopie : uuuurgghhh
Weetabix : I kind of liked Alexis the glitter lady
Mopie : let's mock the mentally ill!
Weetabix : I don't think all of them are mentally ill, but a good portion of them area
are
Mopie : oh this poor "let my people go" guy...I like the ones who are far less earnest
I loved when they brought Clay Aiken out to sing with that one guy... was it last season? that's still hilarious to me.
Weetabix : two seasons ago
that was my favorite thing that ever happened on a finale
is this the USC marching band?
oh yes, it is USC
Mopie : so here's a guy in the weird outfit who is singing with a marching band?
looks like Trojan colors to me!
Weetabix : I read that on the cheerleaders' boobs...I guessed by the colors...I don't get the connection between the guy and a marching band
Mopie : me neither...but now Paula is up on the stage, and I think her boobs might fall out
Weetabix : is that why Paula and Randy wore those outfits?...oh, that would be awesome. I hope they do
Mopie : and the Brother guy is still singing! and.. commercial
Weetabix : shit, they cut to commercial
Mopie : that was traumatizing. I need to drink more.

COMMERCIALS

Mopie:
who is "One Republic"? what is "Apologize"?
Weetabix : It's a one hit wonder...it doesn't sound right without the background guy singing "hey! hey! hey!"
Mopie : Zzzzzzzzzz.
Weetabix : even with archie, still zzzzzzz...so...how has your weekend been?
do you know what you're wearing to my birthday party yet?
have you figured out a wardrobe plan?
Mopie : I am wearing awesome boots and an awesome dress! that is my plan...I may need to lose 10 pounds to fit into the awesomeness.
Weetabix : I can't wait to see the dress! I don't know what I'm wearing yet....I have one idea
Mopie : I worry that it's too casual of a dress, but it's dead cute. what's your idea?
Weetabix : I wouldn't be worried. You can pull off anything. I bought this weird knock off dress on ebay that I really like...and it's very boobsome
Mopie : a knock off of what?
Weetabix : also, sort of casual...I don't remember the designer. I found it online before I bought the dress. It's kind of a floral kimono affair
Mopie : interesting! there is Jordin in a gold dress...maybe if I can find that gold dress, I'll wear that to your birthday
Weetabix : oooh, it's super pretty...I'm sure that you could find it although it might be another D&G custom thingy
Mopie : I don't do gold, actually although Jordin is looking very "plus-size model" in that dress
Weetabix : in silver, you would look very cute, though
Mopie : also, zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Weetabix : yeah, actually, I'm not so much on this dress... she's looked much cuter...at least it's not the Air song...which is awful and I keep hearing it on the radio
Mopie : I heard the Elliot song again today...still no "No Air" here.
Weetabix : consider yourself lucky. The No Air song is a herpes on the radio right now.
Mopie : zzzzzzzzzz oh god Jordin you are boring me to tears...get Blake up there to beatbox or something
Weetabix : oh Robert Downey Jr! Ben Stiller!
Mopie : what the hell is going on with this?
Weetabix : Jack Black! this is adorable!
Mopie : wtf?
Weetabix : I love technology!
Mopie : isn't Gladys Knight dead?
Weetabix : I know that RDJ is all fucked up, but I'd do him...and also, no, she's not
Mopie : Robert Downey Jr. is kind of hot...hee...jinx
Weetabix : did you see Iron Man? He's all sorts of hotness in it. Totally V-shaped... his nipples are always erect.
Mopie : I did not, because my husband sucks and does not want to see that OR Indiana Jones
Weetabix : what?
Mopie : SUMMER POPCORN MOVIES
Weetabix : marry a real man! That's just insanity!
Mopie : I need my best friend to move here
Weetabix : I think Captain would divorce me if I refused to go see Indiana Jones
Mopie : Brian was always my popcorn movie buddy
Weetabix : well, coerce him into moving!
Mopie : I'm not sure why Jack Black was just turtling
Weetabix : was he? I missed the turtling...thank god...I'm pretty much only watching RDJ though
Mopie : Jack Black realky threw himself into that performance
Weetabix : it was for charity!
Mopie : here is Carrie! I saw this video. It's a prequel to Before He Cheats"
Weetabix : is it a good one? someone sang it at karaoke last night.
Mopie : it's good when she does it with her crazy outfit and her confidence
Weetabix : I don't know how I feel about brown-eyed blondes.
Mopie : when did Carrie become awesome? god, I am trying to decide. I love brown-eyed blondes, always have.
Weetabix : she still can't buy a personality, though
Mopie : I don't know, I think she's got one now. I'm totally a Carrie convert.
Weetabix : look at the sleeves on that? they are connected in the back
that's just insanity!
Mopie : I decided the other day that my dream is for Carrie to sing "Miss Independent" and for Kelly to sing "Before He Cheats"...that would be my dream finale
Weetabix : oh my god, that might be awesome...by the way, did you vote on that sony poll? Because Clay Aiken has over 50% of the vote. The Claymates are out in full force, it seems
Mopie : the only problem with this song is that it's not very feminist, with the "I married him so of course I will change my last name!" oh, I did not...I do not care about that poll, but if I did vote, it would be for Daughtry or Kelly
Weetabix : oh, it's totally anti-feminist. but Country music is seriously not about women's rights, you know
Mopie : there is Ashley Tisdale, I think!
Weetabix : I voted for Kelly to find out the results... Fantasia had 1 percent...KLC!
Mopie : Faith! awesome song...Ramiele sucks, sorry
Weetabix : now they're all in black. First white, then red, then black. It's a whole metaphor about losing innocence...here she does, yes
Mopie : that is a very "I have a masters degree in literature" thing to say.... Nurse Ratched also sucks
Weetabix : OMG do you think George Michael is going to come out? Jesus, she's awful...someone cut Syesha's mic
Mopie : here are the boys...Aussie is hotting up the stage.
Weetabix : fuck yes
Mopie : the stripper is stripping into the camera.
Weetabix : didn't I voice this earlier? That I wanted AIMP to sing this song?
Mopie : come on, George Michael!
Weetabix : sorry, stripper is anti-sexy
Mopie : Jason Castro looks ridiculous in a suit. Jason Castro is anti-sexy. and also, Archie cannot sing this song.
Weetabix : no, he's a fetus! not a father figure!
Mopie : "I will be your father figure"? "I will be your breacher teacher"? oh shit, David Cook can sing it...oh god, that was hot
Weetabix : damn, it really was...seriously, George Michael, right? any time now?
Mopie : it's gotta be...come on, George Michael!
Weetabix : he's going to descend that staircase, right? because otherwise they are just toying with my emotions
Mopie : they were wise to give Archie the solo in this song, and Cookie the solo in Father Figure.
Weetabix : I may be rewinding that Cook solo later, for my private time
Mopie : someone needs to help Brooke with her awkward arm...me too, my friend. me too.
Weetabix : Brooke always looks like someone interupted her on the way to church
Mopie : I like her though...this is just the wrong venue for her. Syesha, on the other hand, is fantastic
Weetabix : it really is. She would do well at Lillithfair

LADIES AND GENTLEMAN, MISTER GEORGE MICHAEL
Mopie : WOO!!!!
Weetabix : come on... right now!.... fuck yeah
Mopie : George Michael for the win!
Weetabix : there's my boy!
Mopie : sing something, GM!
Weetabix : shush, he's got to pose first...hmmm... he's looking a little rough too...like, he needs to moisturize. the neck has creases
Mopie : did you see him on Extras? so awesome.
Weetabix : a cautionary tale for safe sun, folks. no, I never watch Extras. I don't have whatever channel that is on, much to my dismay
Mopie : GM is awesome also. it's on the channel called Netflix.
Weetabix : he's often on that show that Annabeth Chao writes...Elliot something. Not Bat Boy.
Mopie : oh, Eli Stone...on Extras he played "himself" trolling a park for gay sex... very funny.
Weetabix : ok, I was totally off... those are some giant sunglasses on Mr. Michael. and also, Paula was crying?! does she think America's about to vote off George Michael?
or has she again seen the future? and it's not good?
Mopie : hahaha..."America has voted... and the Jonas Brothers have beat George Michael."
Weetabix : ha!
Mopie : he sounds great though
Weetabix : he really does sound fantastic. Exactly like himself circa 1987
Mopie : that was a good year for him... hahaha..."and now.. Andrew Ridgely!"
Weetabix : ha! I'm a little bit drunky now... it was the pain from Nurse Ratched's singing, I think, that drov eme to it
Mopie : I am sad to not be rewinding to David Cook's solo...by the way, my Tivo cuts this off ealry
Weetabix : paused with Ryan and David2
Mopie : I have a YouTube link at the ready
Weetabix : also, Cook is wearing eyeliner
Mopie : "it
"it
I now forget what I was going to type
Paula said something about destiny
Weetabix : hahahaha!
sometimes it's the things that we lose that define us, or something like that
Mopie : Simon is apologizing to David Cook, aww
Weetabix : Simon is now realizing that he was totally wrong
Mopie : and he likes them both... I do too, especially when they duet...I love how they have a British dude with an envelope to convey legitimacy
Weetabix : I like that Ryan is making it a point to show that AI is not responsible for the voting
it's true about the British accent lending legitimacy. I gave $50 to the ACLU because a British lady asked me to today
Mopie : I am nervous, even though I know who wins
Weetabix : I am not nervous because I am not that drunk, apparently
holy shit!
my TIVO CUT OUT
Mopie : my thingy cut off after "David Cook"
yes, I know

Weetabix : right as Ryan was saying THE WINNER IS>>>
seriously, if I didn't know? I'd be PISSED
you could no thave timed that better to cut off
Mopie : I know, that happened to everyone
Weetabix : oh my god, that's a tragedy... GM shouldn't have taken so much time posing...clearly....so do we have any summation comments on the season? good season? Better than last year? worst season ever?
Mopie : wait, aren't you going to watch the end? it's a really good song! you should go watch it!
I already bought it on iTunes
Weetabix : ok! watching it!
Mopie : not a "good song" because of course it's all about magic and rainbows
Weetabix : oh my god, it cut off six minutes?
Mopie : but Cook does a nice job with it
Weetabix : that's a tragedy! that happened to us two years ago too, remember? we paused the live playback and then the Tivo went to live tv and we missed the announcement
aw, Cookie is crying!
Mopie : oh yeah I know!!!!
Weetabix : that's because he really didn't think he won! especially after Simon apologized. It would have seemed like Simon knew that he lost and felt badly about pushing it over the edge.
Mopie : either that or Simon didn't want to look like an idiot proclaiming it a "knockout" for the wrong guy
Weetabix : I think that was really what happened, but from Cook's perspective, it would have seemed like remorse, not ass covering
oh the song really does have "magic rainbow" in it?
Mopie : it really does
Weetabix : you know what it's missing? purple horseshoes and green clovers
Mopie : as for the season, Cookie is definitely my favorite winner since Fantasia
I mean I like Carrie now, but I did not care for her in season four
Weetabix : he's my favorite since Kelly Clarkson, but really, that's not hard
Mopie : well, I loved Fantasia
although post-show, she has not done anything
Weetabix : she's on Broadway, isn't she?
Mopie : yes, but I mean nothing I've been interested in purchasing
Weetabix : yes, and apparently America feels much the same way
Mopie : so I guess I enjoyed the season!
although I still think I liked Daughtry! better than anyone in season six or seven
but season six, I can't rmemeber one person I liked
Weetabix : I agree. Wholeheartedly.
Mopie : so I am going to call season seven a win
Weetabix : I just remember the people I didn't like last season. Like Blake.
Agreed. apparently the odd-numbered seasons are good for me!
Mopie : don't say that... season eight is coming up!
Weetabix : If that's the rule, though, it means that we're going to have a long Weetapidol season starting in January.
jinx!
And we'll be here for Season 8!
Mopie : WOO!
Weetabix : I'd also like to thank the Weetapidolers for joining us for the last three seasons!
Mopie : yes, it's been awesome
Weetabix : And sticking with us through the eleventy million month hiatus between shows
Mopie : if anyone wants to be notified when we come back, e-mail weetapidol@gmail.com
Weetabix : I smooch every one of them. One their cute noses. And naughty bits.
Maybe that's the wine talking, but still. Naughty bits!
Mopie : I will not make that promise
Weetabix : drink more of the wines
Weetapidol out?
Mopie : oh my gosh, Weetapidol season seven.... out!

WEETAPIDOL OUT

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Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Finale Results: David Vs David FTW

Hey! We'll be blogging this too, and also, posting the results of the pool, but until then, post your reactions, shock, awe, etc, here!

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Wednesday, May 07, 2008

Top 4: Results and Pool Standings

Weet: Oooooh, did you see that there were revisions to the Pool Standings? That was my fault, an error in the fancy spreadsheet that I created to track scores (and also, eliminate potential errors...doh!) so many of you actually have more points than originally reported. Go you!

This here is the placeholder for tonight's results show in which we will most undoubtedly be saying goodbye to Castro's stupid kissy faces. Feel free to post your shock and awe here!


Pie: I'm now taking over this post to update the standings! Kelly S., who I'm starting to believe is psychic, was the only one who put Jason Castro in fourth place, who got a perfect score of 13 points this week, thus continuing her reign of dominance. Wendi and I put him in fifth, and Shmuel put him in third, giving all of us 12 points. The Weetapidol hive mind had him in sixth, as did too many of you to name. The new standings (with correct math, hopefully!) is here:

109 points: Kelly S.
100 points: Weetapidol Hive Mind
99 points: Shmuel and Mo Pie
98 points: Wendi
97 points: Xaan, Kim
96 points: Jake, Stacey
95 points: Eden
94 points: Shari, Carlywei, Pushca
93 points: Martha, Kelly M.
90 points: Weet
85 points: Gila

How did you do this week?

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Tuesday, May 06, 2008

Top 4: Castrociousness

Pie: I have an image of Seacrest with weird hair… kind of triangularly pointy hair
Weetabix: what the hell! he's got Max Headroom hair… it's not a faux hawk… it's like a schlomohawk
Pie: Jason Castro was making an "I know this is ridiculous" face behind Seacrest
Weetabix: heee! by the way, the girl on the glass bridge is now a Jordin lookalike
Pie: interesting
Weetabix: top 4! how is that possible? what have you done America?
Pie: I know.. the season just whizzed on by, and here are Jason Castro and Syesha, for some reason
Weetabix: Randy is wearing something he pulled out of the backseat of a jumping car on Ventura
Pie: Syesha again looks fabulous. maybe she'll make it to the final two just to add some sex appeal.
Weetabix: wait, was that just Dawson? that was the Vanderbeek!
Pie: I love him now, after he was on How I Met Your Mother
Weetabix: I think he's creepy. And have always thought that… I dream of a David/David finale
Pie: I think the David/David final two is happening
Weetabix: this week, we're learning about this crazy thing the kids today are calling "rock and roll"
Pie: I am so thankful it is being explained to me
Weetabix: we should go to Cleveland and visit the hall of fame! ROAD TRIP!?! is there a presidential library there? I might be able to multitask… Grover Cleveland, perhaps?
Pie: my in-laws live there, and we were there and bored, and Ian still recommended that we not go. but if we can go see Grover Cleveland's presidential library, I'm in.
Weetabix: your in-laws are delightful people
Pie: I have always wanted to name a child Grover


Weetabix: DAVID COOK! Oh fuck me, he's doing Duran Duran
Pie: "HUNGRY LIKE THE WOLF"
Weetabix: I just came, with the title
Pie: Hungry Like the Awesome!
Weetabix: I'm sad that Esteban isn't here, because this is his favorite 80's song, and then maybe he'd let me have sex with Dane Cook via threesome
Pie: would the threesome be you, Dane Cook, and David Cook?
Weetabix: Oh, fuck, that would be a serious guilty pleasure threesome
Pie: as opposed to the regular, staid, guilt-free threesomes you now enjoy
Weetabix: well, yes, my threesomes tend to be efficient fantasies with legitimate possibililities
Pie: There are too many letters in that word
Weetabix: ooooh, middle idolette? ROCKING that dress
Anyway, that was awesome
Pie: somehow, Cookie is selling the "doo doo doo doos"
Weetabix: his voice is amazing
Pie: yeah that kind of ruled McRuleyville.
Weetabix: and yet, Randy thinks it was just ok?
Pie: it left Paula with a "big appetite," and she enjoys "watching him grow." I think this might be a woman thing.
Weetabix: Sorry, Paula cannot come up with that line on her own.
Pie: she memorized it, I'm sure… or Nigel wrote it on her hand
Weetabix: I enjoy Dane Cook's dog tags
I thought I'd mention that
it's kind of like a wallet chain, but around your neck
I'm sensing a theme


SYESHA, "PROUD MARY"
Pie: coming up, Syesha smiles all pageanty!
Weetabix: Syesha is looking AMAZING
Pie: I am embracing the Syesha pageant vibe. she does look amazing, seriously.
Weetabix: see, that's the same color I was raving about a few weeks ago
kind of a champagne color? It's amazing for her
Again with the giant disk earring, though. She's keeping it real, dawg.
Pie: They are like glass peacock earrings
Weetabix: I think I'm going to enjoy this
Pie: Ian: "she's annoying."
Weetabix: I love this song
Pie: why is Syesha suddenly being charming?
Weetabix: especially with legs and stuff
and that dress
the legs=Simon will love it
Pie: her legs definitely measure up against Tina's... and that is quite a compliment
Weetabix: that it is. Tina's have more muscle tone, but Syesha's are up for the requirement.
Pie: and she's dancing.. that's brave
Weetabix: ooooh choreography!
Pie: it didn't quite work, but you can see she's slowly turning into a legitimate performer
Weetabix: yes, you would get winded
Pie: more "doo doo doo doos"… maybe that's what this "rock and roll" thing is all about
Weetabix: um, seriously, I'm getting a serious Beyonce vibe right now
Pie: nice job, Syesha!
she really has a star quality all of a sudden!
Weetabix: seriously, that was awesome!
her audience meter is through the roof!
You can actually see Simon smiling from behind
his cheeks were visible from behind.
Pie: Randy is correct that she's peaking at absolutely the right time, and Paula is right that she's turned into a star
Weetabix: Maybe it will be a Syesha/David finale?
Pie: that's what I said earlier.. scroll back, baby!
Weetabix: yes, she was snoozer until recently. And, I might add, she's totally fucking me over on the pool picks.
Pie: yeah, this is why Shmuel will own us all by the end
Weetabix: Interesting, the legs did not mean that Simon liked it! He called it a bad impression of Tina Turner!
Pie: hmm.
Weetabix: I have chagrin for thinking she'd not even hit the tour
Pie: I share your chagrin
Weetabix: we are chagrin twins
Pie: I also chare your shagrin
Weetabix: ok, drunky
Pie: hee. how did you know?
Weetabix: gee, psychic!


Pie: I have Ryan holding a head on a stick
Weetabix: that is creepy
Pie: is that... Castro?
Weetabix: some kind of voodoo Castro?
Pie: voodoo Castro!!
Weetabix: Carly!
Pie: juxtaposed with Castro to remind us WHO TO BLAME
Weetabix: STUPID CASTRO
Pie: you just played into it
Weetabix: Oh my god, I want to fucking smack him
Pie: CASTRO, "I SHOT THE SHERIFF" OH MY HELL
Weetabix: trying desperately to prove that he can do something other than a ballad
Pie: although really, could he ever have left before he got a chance to slaughter Bob Marley and swing his dreadlocks around?
Weetabix: jesus, his family has the Voodoo Castro
Pie: he isn't even singing. this sucks. you are NO BOB MARLEY SIR.
Weetabix: I must say, I really enjoy Bob Marley so maybe I'm biased, but this? SUCKS
like, if this guy were singing at a local bar, I'd still think he sucked.
when he sang "If I am guilty"... it went all kinds of off key
Pie: the guys in the band are playing the instruments and rolling their eyes simultaneously
"I can't believe my saxophone skills have come to this."
Weetabix: heee
Ricky Minor is looking into career counseling
Pie: poor Jason looks like a kicked puppy
Weetabix: Thank you Simon for calling out the Castrociousness
Pie: hahaha! and we have the title of this post, right there!
Weetabix: what does it say on Randy's sleeve?
Sincere? Sincrete? It's going to bug me.
Pie: I will try to get a peek
I think Castro may have taken a Xanax or something.. he looks positively cheerful to be told he sucks.


Weetabix: DAVID ARCHULETA, "STAND BY ME"
Pie: oh, Archibald.
it turns out he never really opens his eyes.
Weetabix: Baby Xander tries to convince us that when he was masturbating in his room, it was really him singing
Pie: thank you for that mental image. now *I* need a Xanax.
this is kind of good, though, don't you think?
Weetabix: Concentrate instead on the Middle Idolette, who so far, wins best cleavage of the night
yes, I don't mind this at all
also, I love this song
Pie: yes, she looks awesome, that middle Idolette
Weetabix: ooooh, weird falsetto thing at the end... interesting
Pie: I liked it, actually
Weetabix: It was unexpected. I enjoy watching him blossom into a young man. He's such a mini Timberlake
mark my words!
Pie: I am on Team Archibald right now
Weetabix: wait.. you're team Archie? Not TEAM COOK!?
Pie: no, I am on Team Cook for the win
Weetabix: noted
Pie: just Team Archibald for this particular song
Weetabix: do you think Paula harshed Syesha's mellow because they both are wearing metallic sequins?
Pie: I don't know, but Randy's sleeve? I think it's "Sin City"
Weetabix: hahaaaaa! Simon has not sated his lust for Castro's blood and takes another shot. LOVE IT!


DAVID COOK
Weetabix: I am enjoying Dane Cook's facial hair situation
Pie: Ian: "his hair is wrong. his facial hair, his top hair. it's all wrong."
Weetabix: IAN IS WRONG!
I will not hear of any more Dane Cook detraction
Pie: okay, Team Cook
Weetabix: except I have to say, I fucking HATE The Who… in fact, I make Esteban fast forward through the intro for CSI because I hate this song so much
Pie: Ian loves this song and says "he's doing a shitty job"
Weetabix: maybe he's making it his own
Pie: this is the theme song to CSI? that is BRILLIANT. he will get bonus votes from CSI viewers, and CSI is like one of the most popular shows!
Weetabix: All of the CSI's have Who songs in the intro
Pie: Ian: "I am not enjoying it."
I am reporting Ian's feelings because I don't know the song and have no feelings about it one way or the other
Weetabix: I love this version of the song
which is saying a LOT because I was braced to hate it
Pie: consider me as occupying the middle ground. now we've covered every part of the spectrum.
Weetabix: how did the performance make you feel as a person? As a music enjoyer? AS A WOMAN!?!
Pie: I was going to type how it made me feel as a woman, but I decided it was too obscene, even for this blog.
Weetabix: I will ponder that deeply in my heart


SYESHA "A Change is Going to Come"
Pie: wow, and again, she looks stunning
Weetabix: Syesha" I went home after the results show and cried my eyes out"... yeah, so did Brooke!
Pie: that dress is a-MAAAAAZING
Weetabix: ooooh, it sure is
Pie: and by "that dress" I mean "her breasts"
Weetabix: you know what it reminds me of? In the draping? The dress that Kiera Knightley wore in Atonement. Only, instead of green, it's tangerine.
yes, the peekaboo window for the boobies is helping her case right now
she should have saved them for next week, when Castro wasn't the obvious easy out
Pie: she is a contender, all of a sudden. how... how did that happen?!
Weetabix: her lips are very glittery
I think it's the boobs. She's the last one with boobs.
Pie: for the first time, I think, she deserves to be in the top four
Weetabix: I wasn't impressed by the song, though. I didn't care about it.
Concur with Randall... it was meh
Pie: I liked it... not as much as Paula, though, who is now in tears and making Syesha cry
nice moment, though
Weetabix: wow, no kidding. Over-emoting much, Paula?
Pie: and yet Simon agrees with Paula. WHERE ARE YOUR TEARS, SIMON?
Weetabix: I agree, though. She's definitely a contender
I could see her bumping Archuleta out
Pie: she sang a civil rights song.... well, fair enough. but boy she is going to get some votes out of that.
Weetabix: I love that Ryan asserted his authority there, plus also did a plug for Hell's Kitchen. That's pretty slick.


Weetabix: CASTRO "MR TAMBOURINE MAN"
Pie: JASON COOK. MANGLING BOB DYLAN
Weetabix: Oh my fucking hell.
OH my GOD!
Pie: he seems like a sweet kid, but he is out of his league, given what Syesha has brought to the table
Weetabix: He missed the words
how can you mess up those words?
Pie: hee. was it like "hey Mr. Tangerine Man"?
Weetabix: Mr Tangerine Man?
Pie: you said he messed up the lyrics.. I was speculating..
Weetabix: No, he did like "Will you uh uh uhmmmmm uh you?"
Pie: HUMOR!
Weetabix: sorry, sometimes I'm a little literal
he actually sounds better than he did in the first song
Pie: yeah it was better, just... he was outclassed
Weetabix: also, why the hell is Carly standing for that?
and they show Carly clapping anemically
Pie: to juxtapose "Do you miss Carly? If so DO NOT VOTE FOR JASON."
Weetabix: maybe they electrified her seat? Or took it away?
oooh, Simon got a little stern there. Yes Daddy.
Pie: Jason keeps mouthing "vote"
still, I can't see anyone else going home

DAVID ARCHULETA, "LOVE ME TENDER"
Weetabix: he's got an iPhone
Pie: he is perched on a stool in a very un-sexy way to sing his love song
Weetabix: oh, I don't know about Elvis, kid.
Pie: he has a pretty voice, that Archibald, actually
Weetabix: this performance, though, does not have me entranced
instead, I'm focusing on his eyebrows, which are a MESS
Pie: because you are not a tween girl. if you were, I'm sure you'd be entranced.
Weetabix: perhaps
is Randy on drugs tonight?
Pie: Randy likes how he "caressed each word"
that is kind of pervy
Weetabix: he likes the sucky ones, hates the great stuff, I'm very perplexed
I wouldn't say that Archie crushed the competition
Pie: and Simon said he crushed the competition... yeah I wouldn't say that either
Weetabix: Syesha actually outperformed him
Pie: Cookie was good, Syesha was fantastic
I would call Syesha the best of the night as well
okay, there is no way anyone but Castro is going, right?
Weetabix: so... for the recapo.... I continue with my five week streak of predicting Castro
Pie: wait, isn't there a typical "fourth place shocker boot"? in that case, anyone but Castro will be a shocker.
Weetabix: I was hoping that Brooke was the shocker
Pie: by the time she went, it was not a shock
Weetabix: if Brooke were still in it, I'd say that she would be gone tonight
Pie: hahaha... sure. if Sanjaya were on the show, I'd say he was gone too.
Weetabix: heee! Ok, in my head, it sounded like smart critical analysis and conjecture!
Pie: in reality, it seemed like a random hypothetical.
Weetabix: I predict that one of the four remaining contestants will be eliminated!
Pie: ooh, Ryan just reminded us that Tamyra and Daughtry were both eliminated fourth
Weetabix: oooh, see, yes, those were shocker,s although I never was a Tamyra fan, personally.
I believe she was Kelly and Justin's season.
Pie: I predict that John Stevens is a goner!!
we will not be seeing Constantine next week! I predict!
Weetabix: oh are you kidding? He's in that stupid audience every other week
Pie: yes, I realize now that my prediction has flaws
he has nothing else to do... he probably sits in that studio all week long
Weetabix: but if I were Kelly Pickler, I'd be not planning to perform next week
he's seat filler
Pie: hee! totally.
Weetabix: so... in finality, we both concur that Castro will be kicked off of our screens
although, my prediction of this has been his good luck charm for a long time
Pie: well, I think his luck has run out.
Weetabix: so instead, I will say Archuleta will go
Pie: okay. I predict David Cook SHOCK BOOT HORROR.
Weetabix: but really, stick a fork in Castro
NOOO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Look, I still really haven't gotten past the PST of watching Daughtry! get the untimely boot.
Pie: okay. it won't happen. shh. shhh. it's okay.
go back to the happy place with the Dane/David threesome
Weetabix: great, who is going to rock me back to sleep tonight when the nightmares come?
right... happy place.. happy place
Pie: okay, Weetapidol out?
Weetabix: Yes, Weetapidol Out (Subtitle: Smell you later, Jason Castro)

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Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Top 5: Freebirding the Liveblog

Weetabix : bear with me.. oy vey…stupid wireless thingy!
MoPie : well, at least we have YouTube… god bless America
Weetabix : what did we do before the internet? In our covered wagons and such?
MoPie : I will describe what happens between the performances. first, Ryan is asking if anyone is going to have a nervous breakdown, BROOKE. it was a dark time.
Weetabix : it really really was
MoPie : okay, the bridge, the roo rrrrooo, the opening credits
Weetabix : ok while you are narrating, can I just say that this has been the best Idol season for me so far…. even without DAUGHTRY!
MoPie : Ryan strides out upon the stage, and everyone waves to Carly, WHO WAS GOING TO SING SWEET CAROLINE TONIGHT.
Weetabix : it's like the producers are reading my freaking mind with the mentors…oh Carly
MoPie : yes, season five sucked, DAUGTRY! notwithstanding
Weetabix : that is very sad
MoPie : are you a Neil Diamond fan? wow, we're down to the top five? Seriously?
Weetabix : between the Pick!Pickler and the Bucky and the creepy claw-handed Taylor, yes
MoPie : Syesha has straightened out her hair into waves.
Weetabix : seriously, Top FIVE! interesting hair choice
MoPie : Brooke is wearing something Unfortunate… now there is a Neil Diamond montage
Weetabix : which I will undoubtedly see in a bit, when I use the magicks of the internets…please, inform American who Neil Fucking Diamond is… I heart Neil, let me just say right now… in case that wasn't obvious
MoPie : Diamond is meeting the Idols and they all look impressed except Syesha, who looks like she has no idea who he is
Weetabix : at this point, if American Idol producers throw me a bone with an Abba week, then my ideal Idol Bingo Card will be complete
MoPie : I am really hoping Cookie sings Sweet Caroline, and "makes it his own"…. oh god, Abba week would be awesome.
Weetabix : I heard that Archie's doing it…or rather, saw it as I rolled down the list of videos
MoPie : Archie is going to do something not interesting

JASON CASTRO, "FOREVER IN BLUE JEANS"

Weetabix : I know, I fear for it
MoPie : do you have the montage?
Weetabix : I do
MoPie : I like Archie but I doubt he'll "mix it up"? I don't know why there was a question mark there. DELETE QUESTION MARK. hee.
Weetabix : I would enjoy Dane Cook doing something crazy and emo with Sweet Caroline by the way
MoPie : Jason Castro is playing his guitar and making stupid faces
Weetabix : oh, I love Forever in Blue Jeans… and now Castro is going to have an abortion, right there on the stage…
MoPie : I don't know this song, in fact
Weetabix : you are too young… I think we have met our generation gap, the thing that defines our age difference of four years
MoPie : this is an awesome song, I can already tell because it is awesome in spite of who is singing it… he's actually not terrible if you avert your eyes from him
Weetabix : it is. I would say it's in my top 10 favorite ND songs…except for that creaky Peter Brady note when he sang "at my side"
MoPie : his caterpillar eyebrows, his weird faces, his HAIR for the love of god. it is his appearance that bothers me
Weetabix : oh, did you notice? HE'S WEARING BLUE JEANS!
MoPie : I want Neil Diamond to come out and sing this song
Weetabix : I do too! It's awesome when he sings it!
MoPie : please tell me he and Clay Aiken are dueting on "Solitaire" tomorrow night
Weetabix : oh dear
MoPie : no judging until after the second song.
Weetabix : weird

DAVID COOK, "I'M ALIVE"

MoPie : I am on Ryan Raps
Weetabix : go!
MoPie : and Ryan is talking about carpooling with his mom… and singing Neil Diamond songs into his hairbrush
Weetabix : I don't know this song
MoPie : David Cook kind of has a Neil Diamond quality to his voice
Weetabix : I agree. He's going to be good. This is my prediction!
MoPie : I think we are as one.
Weetabix : and also, playing his hot guitar… I don't know if I know this song but I do not approve of his strange blazer situation
MoPie : I enjoy the blazer situation
Weetabix : he does definitely sound a bit like Neil Diamond when he sings "it's all right!"
MoPie : now that Carly's gone, I'm rooting for Cookie
Weetabix : well, duh
MoPie : this performance awesomes. "awesomes": now a verb. take a memo.
Weetabix : the audience had Chris Lights… noted. I don't know if I felt that awesomed, but I enjoyed it! I probably won't be buying it on iTunes, though

BROOKE WHITE, "I'M A BELIEVER"

MoPie : she's talking about how she's playing both guitar and piano tonight
Weetabix : I'm a fan of both of her songs!
MoPie : and wearing a very cute blue dress, as opposed to her Unfortunateness.
Weetabix : I'm a Believer, of course, made popular as sung by Mickey Dolenz of the Monkees…actually, that would also be a good week. Monkees week
MoPie : aah, there it is. the Unfortunate outfit, and the fact that she kind of sounds like shit.
Weetabix : Hmmm... I really do not approve of the whatever the hell it is she's wearing
MoPie : what happened, Brooke? you would approve even less if half of it wasn't covered by the guitar.
Weetabix : and also, I think this song is too big for her… which I never thought I'd throw out a Randy-ism, but it's true
MoPie : has she sung anything without an instrument? it might help. plus, she looks so nervous all the time.
Weetabix : she's still hurting from the Evita thing last week …is the microphone unnaturally large this week? it seems like it's covering half of her head…
MoPie : yeah, now that you say that.... if she were really hurting, she would have LAID OFF THE SILVER PANTS.
Weetabix : ha! Seriously, she can't do fast songs, I think… she coasts on her vulnerability

ARCHIBALD, "SWEET CAROLINE"

MoPie : Archie is singing the two most cheesy possible songs
Weetabix : I'm ok with that! These are my two favorite ND songs!
MoPie : but Cookie should sing them!
Weetabix : oooooh, he could so growl out America like nobody's business … And also, Archie's hoping to pull out a KLC with America
MoPie : he doesn't need to do a KFC
Weetabix : no, Archie doesn't…. ooooh, I don't know about this… I'm feeling a little funny right now… maybe because I know the song so well and love it so much
MoPie : I do enjoy this arrangement
Weetabix : really!??! I totally thought you'd be all up in arms
MoPie : I love this song too! my sister was named after this song. no, it's not bad. I think there need to be more unusual arrangements of "Sweet Caroline"
Weetabix : I'm ok with it... although it's a little High School Musical… I agree. I think Marilyn Manson needs to cover it
MoPie : god, I love Marilyn Manson. I've even seen him in concert. yes, it was quite Zac Efron, but when is he not?
Weetabix : point! very pointy!

SYESHA MERCADO, "HELLO AGAIN"

Weetabix : where are you?
MoPie : piano and mentoring
Weetabix : Ryan is trying to make me feel guilty for watching this via Rickey
MoPie : how so?
Weetabix : wait... that's because rickey doesn't have her first performance… it's coming up later, where he makes a spiel about buying via iTunes… let me find it on youtube
MoPie : Neil Diamond just asked Syesha for a hug, which was slightly creepy, even though he is oddly attractive
Weetabix : I enjoy this song… I'm not sure if I enjoy her hair like this
MoPie : she is doing her pageanty smile
Weetabix : very much so... so far, this is really bland
the actual ND song is kind of gritty and vulnerable and charming
MoPie : yeah, but this means she has the pimp spot
Weetabix : true… maybe that means Castro's done… this was boring. Her voice was nice but it was just kind of meh
MoPie : it could very well mean that…I agree. nice but meh. she looks very pretty though, I have decided.
Weetabix : so are we back to Castro?
MoPie : no, all the Idols are being brought out for judging on round one
Weetabix : oh I don't have that… why are they playing with me!?!?!
MoPie : Randy: Jason is just okay, Cookie is in the zone, Brooke is better but still karaoke, Archie is the bomb, Syesha is strong and nice, but not amazing
Weetabix : like, they all get judged at once? like a dog show?
MoPie : Paula: she loved Jason's lower register... HOLD ON… she is giving comments on his second song… which he has not yet sung
Weetabix : oh nice!
MoPie : GRASSY KNOLL.
Weetabix : because she's reading it, right?
MoPie : yes, she's reading off a piece of paper.
Weetabix : nice!
MoPie : "you're not fighting hard enough" she says.
Weetabix : wait, Rickey has this! I'm watching!
MoPie : now they are turning it into a joke.. Paula says " I thought you sang twice!" and Ryan is saying "oh, Paula sees the future!"
Weetabix : oh jesus…seriously.... "I thought you sang twice!"????? wow, Simon totally covered it
MoPie : she is going to have to cover by saying she's on drugs
Weetabix : he realized that Paula was struggling and then came in and took over… you have to admire that quick thinking, though… I would have let her twist in the wind
MoPie : Simon: Jason is forgettable, Cookie is just above average, Brooke is a nightmare, Archie is amateurish, and Syesha is old-timey.
Weetabix : Brooke wasn't good, I have to agree
MoPie : Ryan looks petrified. wow, commercials. I cannot believe that just happened. and yes, Brooke sucked.
Weetabix : her silver garb was a nightmare… I'm titillated. ignore that man behind the curtain!
MoPie : so far her and Jason are totally bottom two. the Grassy Knoll is probably going totally crazy right now.
Weetabix : can we vote out Paula?
MoPie : I need to open some more wine

JASON CASTRO, "SEPTEMBER MORN"

MoPie : Jason Castro, who is going to get some bad criticism from Paula
Weetabix : heee! I also enjoy September Morn
MoPie : I predict it!
Weetabix : I don't know which Diamond song I would have picked for Castro… Holly Holy maybe… actually, ND's written so many songs for other artists too… there's probably a lot I am missing. Also I hate this. I agree with what Paula is about to say!
MoPie : hahaha I also agree with the upcoming comments from Paula!
Weetabix : I don't have the judging but it's a moo point

COOKIE, "ALL I REALLY NEED IS YOU"

Weetabix : Ricky in his penthouse! another song I don't think I know
MoPie : I enjoy Cookie. I continue to wish his hair were something else.
Weetabix : oh! You know what song Neil Diamond wrote? Girl, You'll Be a Woman Soon!
MoPie : that's another song that reminds me of my sister, whose name is CAROLINE. oooOOOoooo.
Weetabix : I agree. Like when he was all punk in the Ford Focus commercial last week? I found him appealing. Cracklin Rosie... I hope someone does that! oooh, or He Ain't Heavy He's My Brother! wait, he didn't write that one, he just sang it
MoPie : Paula just called him the American Idol
Weetabix : is that what it said on her index card? You Don't Bring Me Flowers! I love that song!
MoPie : wait, who is singing that? where am I?
Weetabix : no, I'm now just shouting out requests. I'm Freebirding the liveblog

BROOKE WHITE, " I am I SAID!"

MoPie : is she wearing a jumpsuit?
Weetabix : she seems to be, yes… in keeping with the 70's Diamond ouevre
MoPie : this is a pretty song
Weetabix : actually, she's not. The pants actually do not match the shirt, thus completing the silver travesty.
MoPie : yes, that was my initial response: "it clashes." but then for a moment I saw jumpsuit. forgive me. I have had wine.
Weetabix : drink more
MoPie : "I am myself"!! that reminds me of every comment Paula has ever made to Brooke, including "you are Brooke White" and "you are you."
Weetabix : this is a much better Brooke song
MoPie : because Brooke is Brooke. I agree, this is good. finally!
Weetabix : you know who she reminds me of, though? Not Brooke, but rather Carly Simon… singing Anticipation. it's got kind of the Carly Simon vibe going…
MoPie : oh, Randy said nice job. Paula from the future liked it. and Simon says.... he really hated the first song, but likes piano Brooke.
Weetabix : because he's probably got a better view of her ass
MoPie : "not incredible, but a million times better than the first song." and also, ha.
ARCHIE, "America"
Weetabix : America! today!
MoPie : oh yeah! AMERICA! he is doing a strange shoulder bob
Weetabix : BEST SONG THAT ISN"T SWEET CAROLINE! he is. Poor little Mormon boy.
MoPie : he is so not Zac Efron. I kind of think Zac Efron is hot. and Archie? never. this is a car commercial performance.
Weetabix : I do not think either of them are hot. I think Archie's adorably geeky and somehow that makes him likeable….indeed. There should be a scroll at the bottom telling you about 0% financing for a limited time.
MoPie : Zac Efron was cute in Hairspray. however, he was no James Marsden.
Weetabix : I do like his voice though. wait, James Marsden was in the original? I had no idea.
MoPie : no… he played Corny Collins in the new one, and he was awesonme
Weetabix : oh, I was feeling for a second that my pop culture of the 80's cred was about to be blown
MoPie : Randy said he was in the zone, Paula said it was perfect and is drunk, and Simon said it was a smart song choice
Weetabix : Paula loves him, but I don't believe anything she says anymore.
MoPie : Archie looks like he's struggling not to cry, that's weird.
SYESHA, " Thank the Lord for the Night Time"
MoPie : rooo rrrrooo… I have Ryan plugging iTunes, surrounded by a crowd
Weetabix : that's the part I was seeing erroneously….I also do not know of this song
MoPie : he is manhandling a small child.
Weetabix : I can't believe no one did Crackling Rosie… oh, when isn't he?
MoPie : I have decided I am very pro Syesha's hair. this is a cute performance, actually. Syesha, you don't suck!
Weetabix : so, it's weird, but with her hair all straightened like that, she looks a lot like my creepy aunt. So I have an automatic dislike for her… this one doesn't suck, agreed
MoPie : the lyric for this song was something about "making love to you" a little risque there, Syesha!
Weetabix : but she's crawling out of a hole that she's been digging all season. A hole made by her lack of personality
MoPie : that was very well said! either that or I'm drunky. possibly both.
Weetabix : you are pretty drunky. Paula is reading again
MoPie : Simon is saying Syesha may be in trouble? are you kidding?
okay, there's a recapo… sorry, recap
Weetabix : he should say that she's safe. That cursed Carly!
MoPie : although "recapo" would be fun.
Weetabix : a recapo? Is that some mob term?
MoPie : ole! el recapo! it is obviously SPANISH.
Weetabix : I was thinking about the capo
MoPie : I think Jason or Brooke is leaving. actually, I'm sure of it.
Weetabix : the recapo being required when the capo doesn't do its job

RECAPO

Weetabix : god, I hope it's Castro
MoPie : hehehe
Weetabix : I was playing odds with my pool choices and had Brooke taking it… although I don't think she's going to now
MoPie : yeah I have her at number two… I actually think Shmuel is going to win, because he has Syesha at, like, fourth… and everyone else had her as being long gone.
Weetabix : Shmuel is smart… he's going to rack up points with that pick
MoPie : or can see into the future, like Paula
Weetabix : So, your prediction is Brooke or Castro… I will say Castro… but I've been saying that for the last... what, four weeks?
MoPie : yes, and I guess I will say... I don't know.
Weetabix : I'm bound to be right one of these weeks, right?
MoPie : if America kind of missed the grassy knoll aspects, Castro will go… but if America caught on, then Brooke will go.
Weetabix : I don't think America cares about whether or not this show is rigged… I think the voters are teenyboppers… and not jaded old bloggers like us… in majority, anyway
MoPie : yeah. okay, Castro is toasto.

Weetapidol outto!

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Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Top 6: Would it be weird if we masturbated to this?

MoPie : helloo
Weetabix : hellooooooooo! (that was sung as an aria)
MoPie : Weetapie.... Weetapie... let us watch the show and say, my my....
(that was supposed to be to the tune of Jesus Christ Superstar)
(I will work on it)
Weetabix : (I got chills)
can you stay paused for a moment so we can talk about our ideal ALW songs for each contestant?
MoPie : yes, absolutely
Weetabix : Because I really really want Jason Castro to sing a jangly version of "I don't know how to love him"
MoPie : your idea is excellent. I myself want David Cook to sing "Heaven on Their Minds."
Weetabix : which musical was that from?
MoPie : Jesus Christ Superstar, my favorite ALW musi-cal
Weetabix : wait, isn't Miss Saigon also ALW?
MoPie : no, it is not
Evita, JCS, Phantom, Cats...
Weetabix : Aside from Phantom, Cats and Jesus Christ Superstar, I have no idea what else ALW has done
MoPie : which, you know someone is going to sing Memory
Weetabix : also, didn't he do an Abba musical?
that wasn't Mamma Mia?
MoPie : Starlight Express, Evita, I think Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat
(which, David A: "Close Every Door")
Weetabix : yes, Starlight Express is what I'm thinking of
MoPie : that is... not Abba. It's trains.
Weetabix : oh shit, Castro's going to do a ukelele version of Any Dream Will Do...but... roller skates, right?
MoPie : if there is a god, then yes. yes, roller skates and trains. no Abba.
Weetabix : well, in my universe, I choose to imagine it as an unholy amalgamation of Xanadu, Phantom and also Mamma Mia...because that my friend? Would be the best musical ever!...and also, Little Mermaid...roller skates under the sea!
MoPie : it would! and Starlight Express is the worst musical ever, and therefore the opposite of that.
Weetabix : which would explain why I haven't seen it. I'm said that Miss Saigon isn't going to be part of the show...because I would like to see Paula and Simon sing the. um. love song duet thingy....Last Night Of The World?...something like that. Is Les Mis ALW? I want this to be just a Broadway show! All Broadway!
MoPie : SOMEONE SING WICKED
Weetabix : I will sing Wicket...and also, Wicked...and it will be Wicket awesome!
MoPie : hee...Wicket, the croquet musical!
Weetabix : I really do think that Ryan has petit de mort when he says "This! Is AMERICAN IDOL!"
MoPie : no kidding
Weetabix : David Duchovny is in the audience? weird...Wait, American Idol is using "green power" at the finale? That... I need more information. what exactly does that constitute? OH MY GOD! the PHANTOM IS STARTING! and then Ryan fucked with it!
MoPie : it means.. Earth and... stuff.
Weetabix : I am going to get very upset tonight, I can already tell
MoPie : the Idols are about to fuck with Phantom
Weetabix : I get irrationally emotional when it comes to the Phantom
MoPie : and also Cats, which you would think couldn't be fucked with by definition...
Weetabix : Bad Cats hurts babies
MoPie : Ian: "Andrew Lloyd Weber is still alive." he just wanted to inform us.
Weetabix : Oh good, they are going to remind us of the Oeuvre of ALW
MoPie : now we'll find out if we missed any
Weetabix : yes, he is still alive, much to the dismay of Sarah Brightman
MoPie : my favorite is totally Jesus Christ Superstar, which I love...wow, we missed a lot
Weetabix : yes, things I've never heard of!
MoPie : and they're showing a clip from the TERRIBLE Phantom movie
Weetabix : oh, they went to Vegas! I want to go to that show!
MoPie : we could go to see Phantom in Vegas!
Weetabix : let's go! I'm in! It will be my mumble-somthingth time I've seen it!
MoPie : Ian says: "no."
Weetabix : screw ian! He can hang out with Esteban, who also says "no"
MoPie : he says I can see it though.
Weetabix : ALW would like you to know "words, words, words"
MoPie : he takes himself a little seriously, that ALW...dude, you wrote Cats...lighten up
Weetabix : and Starlight Express, which had zero mermaids in it, apparently
MoPie : zero mermaids, zero Swedish people...I actually want to see the version of Starlight Express in your head with mermaids and croquet and Abba
Weetabix : it would dazzle you

SYESHA MERCADO

Weetabix : I have never heard of "one rock and roll too many"
MoPie : it's from Whistle down the Wind
Weetabix : oooooh, Syesha just kind of schooled ALW...and he's classy enough not to backhand her off the stage, out to the cheap seats
MoPie : she's on the piano, wow
Weetabix : oooh, she's wearing a sexy sexy dress! and wow
MoPie : that red dress is fabuuuulous
Weetabix : and also, her boobs
MoPie : NICE TITS...sorry, I meant that respectfully
Weetabix : also, I like her voice. It's definitely got a rich tone that I don't think we've heard before.
MoPie : this is absolutely the most I've ever liked her
Weetabix : absolutely. Syesha needed ALW Week! and also, to stand on the piano with her boobies on display.
MoPie : she looks great, she sounds great...she looks comfortable, too
Weetabix : Seriously, she's suddenly like a superstar. Her voice is spot on...except for that note
MoPie : yeah, not a great note, but nonetheless
Weetabix : I was not liking the "tone out of you" line...but overall, I can totally forgive, because that was the first seriously amazing performance I've seen from this girl. I kept forgetting that she's in it.
MoPie : yeah, me too, and Randall agreeth
Weetabix : Randall thinks she could be a Broadway star and also, agrees with me that it's the best performance so far.
MoPie : Paula: "this is your happy place"...Paula knows from happy places. Simon is turned on! ha! speaking of his happy place
Weetabix : Ha! Totally! Suddenly, he's all "Ooooooh! Boobs!"
MoPie : LEGS...have you learned nothing? the short skirt is what did it for him...Ricky shoutout!
Weetabix : Yay Ricky! Syesha should wear red more often, because it makes little Simon very happy

JASON CASTRO

MoPie : singing MEMORY
Weetabix : FUCK, he's doing Memory
MoPie : I cannot wait...this is going to be awesomely bad
Weetabix : I seriously predict that Jason will be full of Fail on this
MoPie : I will also predict this
Weetabix : and he's trying to damage control in the Ryan Raps portion...I really hope that ALW actually is so disgusted by Castro that he actually deficates on the stage
MoPie : Jason "I didn't know a cat was singing it"...the musical IS CALLED CATS
Weetabix : like the Starlight Express in my head, the AI in my head is very good
MoPie : well I don't want to see anyone pooping
Weetabix : Seriously, I want to smack Castro so much right now
MoPie : the white suit is gross
Weetabix : Can he do anything that isn't a ballad?
MoPie : I want to shave his head
Weetabix : whatev, Delilah....this is so not good
MoPie : this is no good...this is poop on the stage
Weetabix : he doesn't have a low register? he's struggling with the low notes, it's just weird
MoPie : he doesn't have a high register, either, it's just all breathy
Weetabix : sorry, I hate this
MoPie : HATE IT. NEXT.
Weetabix : yes, I think he totally just rides on the stupid kissy faces that he makes
MoPie : (that was my Anthony-from-Sex-and-the-City voice)
Weetabix : oh my god, and white suit, white shoes, and DARK SOCKS?!?!?!
MoPie : bleh. go Syesha, is all I have to say about that. he is NOT wearing dark socks. NO.
Weetabix : yes, that was fantastic. Anthony is my favorite secondary character on SATC
MoPie : Randy actually said the word "trainwreck"...god bless you, Randall
Weetabix : yes, he is. Like a dark blue. My eyes are hemorrahging. which I spelled incorrectly
Twinkle Twinkle Little Star is too big of a song for Castro...and also, No, Paula, NO, everyone is not used to hearing this from a female star. Barry Manilow sang the fuck out of this.
MoPie : Simon looks like he wants to slap some duct tape on Paula's mouth
Weetabix : Randall has a man crush on Castro. HA! Simon called it. It was painful and awful.
MoPie : thank you, Simonovich. I need more wine, after that.
Weetabix : I can imagine
MoPie : WHY IS MY WINE GONE
Weetabix : I think I need a Tums. NO ONE VOTE FOR CASTRO! PLEASE MAKE IT STOP. It's only going to get worse, people. That's all I can say.
MoPie : okay I go get wine before ff-ing
Weetabix : ok, I'm also going to get some more sustenance

WEET AND PIE RECOVER FROM THE HORROR DURING COMMERCIALS

BROOKE WHITE
MoPie : Brooke looks confused by the song
Weetabix : wow, ALW had a brooke breakthrough
MoPie : we'll see how it goes
Weetabix : I like her dress...oh!
MoPie : when Madonna is a better singer than you, you're fucked
Weetabix : OOOOH!
MoPie : wow, she just fucked up and had to start over
Weetabix : she fucked up hardcore! is she going to be off her game now?
MoPie : Brooke looks like she's pooping while singing
Weetabix : there's probably still an odor left over from Castro's performance...she's screwing up the words
MoPie : that is some halfhearted hand waving from the audience
Weetabix : "wave your hands and win a Ford Focus!"
MoPie : I can't figure out why she had to start over
Weetabix : because she messed up the words? maybe? or did she perhaps jump in too quickly?
MoPie : maybe, I don't know...I don't know the song well enough
Weetabix : maybe she'll say...Randall is right, they need to believe what they are singing
MoPie : wow, she pissed off Paula
Weetabix : Ooooh, Paula rubs in the starting and stopping
MoPie : Paula is drugged up and confused and yet still pissed off...hee, "you were you"
Weetabix : wow, that is harsh. "You're NOT pretty. You're not you. You just screwed up!"
MoPie : she's pouting again
Weetabix : of course she is. what other recourse does she have? Ryan is finding out for us! She forgot!
MoPie : and Simon is calling her brave for it
Weetabix : I wonder if the producers told them to be nice to her this week...per Brian Dunkleman (the person, not the handkerchief)
MoPie : Paula is not happy about the stop and start, and Randall and Simon disagree--interesting. I am told that Dunkleman has some of it right and some of it wrong...I am not at liberty to be more specific than this
Weetabix :shit


DAVID ARCHULETA

MoPie : aw, he's wearing a little Members Only jacket...little girls hugging Archibald
Weetabix : Oooooooo! PHANTOM!
MoPie : he's singing THINK OF ME?!?!
Weetabix : I love Think of Me!
MoPie : who doesn't?
Weetabix : communists...CASTRO! Oh, it's got like this whole "More Than Words" vibe
MoPie : this is insane! in a good way, actually
Weetabix : it is kind of poppy...kind of like the ending credits of a Pixar movie kind of way
MoPie : he's good, this little tiny man. this is not horrible at all.
Weetabix : ALW is right, he does much better keeping his eyes open. although he's rushing some of the lyrics. ok, I have decided I am pro this version of this song
MoPie : however, not horrible...Ian is singing along. kind of howling, really. it is endearing, if you are married to him
Weetabix : I will take your word for that! wait, Randall seems unnecessarily excited...Paula has gotten over her shock and dismay over Brooke's false start...wait, the camera just showed Paul Stanley from KISS!? it's surreal audience night!
MoPie : where's Rue McClanahan and Barack Obama? and Andre Breton?

CARLY SMITHSON

MoPie : singing All I Ask Of You!! I love it!
Weetabix : oh my god!
MoPie : wait, no
Weetabix : MY FAVORITE
MoPie : he's changing her song...noooooooo
Weetabix : NOOOOOOOOO
MoPie : except she sounds great at Superstar..and this is my favorite ALW musical
Weetabix : seriously, I am SO devastated that she didn't do All I Ask Of You. that would be my song on ALW night
MoPie : All I Ask of You is a fantastic song
Weetabix : that's the song that I fell asleep to, the night before my wedding
MoPie : mine would be Heaven on Their Minds
Weetabix : really? Awesome! oh my god, look at all the lights
MoPie : Ian: "This has her writen all over it? What does that mean, she's Jesus?"
Weetabix : and the dress is awesome...she is. She's Jesus. Irish Jesus.
MoPie : the dress is a great print but a weird cut
Weetabix : you're right, it's giving her a poochy belly
MoPie : I love Judas...ih the musical, I mean
Weetabix : her voice is amazing. She's such a rocker chick. ALW was right, her chest voice was made for this song. all of the "yeah yeah yeah"s? So awesome.
MoPie : she's awesome
Weetabix : I would love to be able to wail like that. Paula's standing o! Wow, Simon says it's one of his favorite performances of the night? That's awesome.
MoPie : I hope people vote for her...I guess I could vote for her! as we are now caught up to real time
Weetabix : you can! you should!
MoPie : I SHALL
Weetabix : phone lines are actually open for you right now...since they have to open for the other coasts, right?
MoPie : what was the number? 5?
Weetabix : Must be...since she's the 5th of the night
MoPie : it is busy
Weetabix : David Cook will be six...that's a good sign!
MoPie : busy again!
Weetabix : that's how dial idol works, right? It's measuring the busies?
MoPie : it is...I am a one-man dial idol over here...I'll try later


DAVID COOK

Weetabix : I wonder what Dane Cook will be singing?
MoPie : probably not Heaven on Their Minds :(
Weetabix : probably not
MoPie : oh of course
Weetabix : FUCK YES!
MoPie : MUSIC OF THE NIGHT
Weetabix : FUUUUUCK YES!
MoPie : hee
Weetabix : I hope that he doesn't tank it...oooh shit...I'm going to have a moment
MoPie : I love how ALW is like "pretend you're a statutory rapist!"
Weetabix : I can tell you right now, from the snippet, that I will be downloading this from iTunes...and maybe also the video clip...for my private moments
MoPie : hee...this is where you use the line, "would it be weird if I masturbated to this?" (disclaimer: this was my reaction to watching Chris Daughtry singing Hemmorhage)
Weetabix : so, I think I'm too much of a Phantom purist. but that NOTE!? the "to BEEEEEEE?
MoPie : well he's no Michael Crawford
Weetabix : but I think it was in the spirit of the character
I actually loathe the Michael Crawford phantom
MoPie : you're kidding! who do you like?
Weetabix : I'm not. Peter Cousens
MoPie : my favorite live was Norman Large, who understudied for Robert Guillaume and was fantastic
Weetabix : I have also seen Norman Large. Also very good. I haven't ranked them, in particular, I just know that I love Peter Cousens the best.
MoPie : I've never even heard of Peter Cousens
Weetabix : he's Australian and a friend of Hugh Jackman, which makes him, you know, talented just by osmosis
MoPie : is he in your pants?
Weetabix : he is. At all times. I like how simon is like "Well, I have to say that it was good, so there you are"

MONTAGE

MoPie : who is going?
Weetabix : and also, I hope that Ryan never feels compelled to try to sing something like that ever again
MoPie : I think Jason Cook is in trouble
Weetabix : CASTRO if there is a God in heaven
MoPie : Brooke gets sympathy votes...Syesha was genuinely good
Weetabix : Brooke will get sympathy votes, if only for Paula harshing on her
MoPie : Carly was awesome, and the Davids are totally safe
Weetabix : I think Brooke will still be bottom three...wait, there will be a genuinely good person in the bottom three then
MoPie : I think Brooke is destroying my chances of winning the Weetapidol pool
Weetabix : sadly, I think it will be Syesha rounding out the bottom...unless something strange happens and it's Archie. I say Castro's gone...unless Brooke goes, which is quite possible. has Castro been in the bottom three even once, though?
MoPie : I don't think so...there is no way Archie is in the bottom three
Weetabix : he must have a mysterious fan base voting for him
MoPie : I will try Carly's line again!
Weetabix : keep trying...keep the faith! even though she didn't do All I Ask of You
MoPie : the judges are all wearing Phantom masks and it is creepy
Weetabix : ooooh, I'm sorry I'm missing that...maybe I'm not
MoPie : okay, well I guess that's all for us tonight!
Weetabix : Weetapidol out!
MoPie : WEEEEEttttaapiiidoooooLLLLLL oooOOOooooOOOOOOUTTTTTTTTTT

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Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Top 10: Jason Castro, David Cook, Zach Braf, Douche! Which of these things is not like the other?

Pie's schedule did not permit her to liveblog this week, so Jake graciously volunteered to watch along with Weet. He's clearly a natural. Pie should be back next week.



Jake : The opening was very Star Wars
Weetabix : And again, the geek contingent is strong with this one.
Jake : Ryan looks like a midwestern insurance adjuster

Weetabix : do you think Ricky cries himself to sleep every night?
Jake : yes, so does Paula's stylist
Weetabix : oooh, holy crap! As Tim Gunn would say, that's a whole lot of look! she looks like a Barbie Doll
Jake : Year they where born?
Weetabix : tonight's theme is the year they were born? weird
Jake : That's an interesting choice


RAMIELE MALUBAY

Jake : uh oh, in the dead spot. She was born in Saudi Arabia? Her mom talks like Margaret Cho's
Weetabix : totally different ethnicity, dude
Jake : I'm aware of that
Weetabix : I like to call you "racist". that's the lesser known song by Kenny Loggins, the follow up to "Whenever I call you friend"
Jake : OH
MY
GOD
Weetabix : OMG!HEART!
Jake : YES
Weetabix : We sang this! At karaoke!
Jake : I'm singing along
Weetabix : Are you singing along? HEEE!
Jake : my roommate is not amused
Weetabix : alone!
Jake : TIL NOW
Weetabix : TIL NOW I always got by on my own... oooh, not a good note
Jake : I didn't nail it either
Weetabix : well, you're not Ferocia Coutura
Jake : No, No I'm not...neither is Ramiele
Weetabix : she's my little Ferocia. this was a brave choice of songs
Jake : it was very brave, and I give it a pass because it's Heart
Weetabix : and that's all that matters
Jake : and I love that song... LOVE!
Weetabix : I agree. I enjoy the Heart.
Jake : uh oh
Weetabix : uh oh what?
Jake : I admited that to the world. They hate it, even Paula...it's a hard choice,
Weetabix : ooh, she's not feeling well! Ferocia is ill! That's why her voice broke
Jake : pity vote
Weetabix : and Simon is sticking up for her! YAY SIMON!
Jake : Her shorts are awful
Weetabix : I hate the shorts
Jake : She's going home, Simon just gave her the kiss of death
Weetabix : the boots, though, hit her at a bad spot on her leg.
Jake : there is no good spot on her leg for boots to hit
Weetabix : did I tell you? I got the new American Idol Karaoke Revolution
and now Simon tells me that I am fabulous. it's very good for my ego. heee!
Jake : she just screwed up the pity vote
Weetabix : that she did
Jake : all of my roommates have now come into make sure I was not being murdered
Weetabix : she should have let America believe she had a 105 temperature
Jake : yes and vomited just before entereing the stage
Weetabix : did you front like you were? so that they didn't know the story, the shame of Heart?
Jake : I don't front, dawg
Weetabix : I'm proud of you...it's time that you came out and admitted your enjoyment of the power ballad
Jake : America, in addition to a Heart love, I also have the complete works of Celine Dion... Including Imports... and Dance Mixes
Weetabix : and that's all that needs to be sad
Jake : yes, it is sad
Weetabix : said... I meant said. That was an unfortunate typo.

COMMERCIALS

Jake :
I would like my life to voice activated, like the Sync
Weetabix : I agree.
Jake : Oven, 450. Pizza, cook
Weetabix : I would even like my husband to respond to the sound of my voice, like Sync. Esteban, take out the trash.
Jake : Vodka, Mix!
Weetabix : Esteban, flag the comforter when you fart! see, I'm trying to reveal more, to help you not feel so exposed in the whole Heart/Celine drama
Jake : I heard a rumor that Abigail Brensin wore a fat suit in Little Miss Sunshine
Weetabix : that's not a rumor... that's true. I just wrote that on Elastic Waist yesterday
Jake : I'm trying to distract America with slander
Weetabix : HOLY SHIT I'm freaked out by the Guitar Hero commercial
Jake : I do not care for Guitar Hero
Weetabix : Slash's fist comes out of a guy's mouth

ROOO ROOO!
Jake : have you submitted a song yet?
Weetabix : I think you should compose a song--we need to stop being so equally smarmy


JASON CASTRO

Jake :
he's going for a birthday vote
Weetabix : Also, I should mention that my niece Abigail revealed to me that my sister Amy has the super hots for Jason Castro
Jake : Jesus
Weetabix : to which I replied "He's a douche"...I couldn't help myself. And she's 9!
Jake : She needs to learn now
Weetabix : she does... OOOOH! That bastard! He's singing Fragile!
Jake : He is
Weetabix : That's one of my favorite Sting songs
Jake : It's a good choice for him
Weetabix : Why does he have to date rape all of my favorite songs?
Jake : it's the only way he knows
Weetabix : I don't like that he's singing it like it's Taco Tuesday at the local mexicali restaurant
Jake : He's doing it very well
Weetabix : it's about murder and death, and he's doing it all peppy
Jake : I'm not a fan of Sting
Weetabix : whatever, Celiniac
Jake : actually, his dreds remind me that Bandit needs to be let out at the next commercial
Weetabix : who is the guy on Scrubs who dates all the young girls? he makes crazy faces like that guy
Jake : Zach Braf
Weetabix : yes, he makes Zach Braf faces when he sings
Jake : once again, the lust makes Paula lucid. Simon Cowell was on Top Gear
Weetabix : I agree with Simon, it's totally someone busking outside of a subway station
Jake : It totally was busking
Weetabix : also, Jason has extraordinarily large feet, I hadn't noticed that before
Jake : it's the tight pants
Weetabix : I'm not talking about his cock. I'm talking about his feet. It's not a euphamism


SYESHA MERCADO

Weetabix : These people are all making me feel really old. I had seen a penis in a sexual manner by the time Syesha was born in 1987
Jake : I was 12
Weetabix : I'm going to weep openly by the time Baby Xander sings. I don't know "If I Were Your Woman"
Jake : I don't either, and they didn't identify the artist.... she loves the circle earrings
Weetabix : she got them all on one big card at Icing for $6
Jake : hee
Weetabix : syesha is doing better tonight, I think, than I've seen her do since getting to the top 12
Jake : it's true, this is a good performance
Weetabix : see, that was a glorious note. not a glory note. A glorious note.
Jake : it's a little church choir
Weetabix : I'm ok with that. I like a little side of gospel with my Idol. like mashed potatoes and gravy. or corn. Which I think is very Midwestern, but I like it.
Jake : yes, it was good gospel, not Tyler Perry movie
Weetabix : See, Randall agrees with me. It's her best performance so far. Seriously, what the fuck is Paula wearing?
Jake : I don't know, I like her hair though
Weetabix : Did she stumble in from a revival of Diamonds Are A Girls Best Friend?
Jake : the Grunge version
Weetabix : Simon slammed her "It was definitely the best so far, but we're only three in"
Jake : I think it was a very good choice for her
Weetabix : The trick to making America love you is to apparently stay quiet during the judging.
Jake : interesting
Weetabix : which Ferocia totally didn't heed.

COMMERCIALS

Weetabix : Like Ashton Kutcher would be toting around a ghetto Cool Pix
Jake : Demi must be getting expensive
Weetabix : Mama's got needs
Jake : or Rumor's bar bill is getting out of hand
Weetabix : hey, he's only going to be pretty for a very short time. He's got to cash in. It's not like he can fall back on his ability to wise crack, you know?
Weetabix : apparently thin is in at Papa Murphy's
Jake : Bandit just laid a Jason Castro dred in the backyard

CHICKEZE

Jake : Chickiezie has a good stylist
Weetabix : that he does, they all have the same stylist
Jake : the stylist hates Ferocia
Weetabix : the stylist errors quite frequently although I have to say that the stylist does the plus size ladies some very nice gestures
Jake : His parents are adorable...as is chickeze
Weetabix : "If Only For One Night"?
Jake : Again, I'm not familar with the song
Weetabix : Man, where was I during the 80's and 90's?
Jake : I was listening to Depeche Mode
Weetabix : and New Order and the Cure
Jake : and New-- heh
Weetabix : hee--see, stop doing that
Jake : i also had my punk phase, that was early 90's
Weetabix : I was going to go into a diatribe about the Dead Milkmen and also Mojo Nixon, but then I realized that it's because it's more interesting than Chickeze
Jake : I'm underwhelmed
Weetabix : I almost won tickets to Bonnaroo tonight, I can't decide if I'd want to go to that or not
Jake : I have no idea what that is
Weetabix : it's like the hipster Lolla
Jake : ah
Weetabix : Death Cab, that kind of thing, Raconteurs
Jake : oldie but goody?
Weetabix : I think Angels and Airwaves is going to be there
Jake : nice
Weetabix : Agreed with Randy... boring. "boring for me, dawg"
Jake : RAndy is going to lose it... RESPECT ME DAWG!
Weetabix : Paula takes another hit off her crack pipe
Jake : Chickeze does not like that
Weetabix : Simon is tired of Jacuzzi... and once again, America does not like it when the contestants talk back to the judges
Jake : I think chikezie might be in trouble

BROOKE WHITE

Jake :
Brooke is doing the Police!
Weetabix : YAY! Sting is fairing well tonight
Jake : that he is
Weetabix : You know, that makes me feel old again. Fragile? Was off of Sting's SECOND solo album. I used to play that every night during my senior year when falling asleep. It covered up the sounds of the crack whores screaming at their pimps outside my bedroom window.
Jake : that's a lovely story
Weetabix : I try to paint with words. I would like the Dyson guy to read me bedtime stories.
Jake : you could get him to narrate your memoirs
Weetabix : no, I am still holding out for Emma Thompson.
Jake : and Anderson Cooper can do the naughty bits
Weetabix : ooooh... huh. That will give me something to think about. there's not a lot of naughty bits. I'm pretty innocent.
Jake : but when they need impact, you get a closeted Vanderbuilt
Weetabix : I like to think it's just because he hasn't met the right girl yet.
Jake : so does CNN
Weetabix : This is the same denial I carried for years regarding Morrissey.
Jake : Remember those rumors about Morrisey and Micheal Stipe?
Weetabix : yes and yes. although! Michael Stipe dated Jane Pratt. that's a fact. although! Jane Pratt had sex with Drew Barrymore. God, her family is totally Mormon!
Jake : I know
Weetabix : They are like, Osmonds!
Jake : No, they are like from Boutniful
Weetabix : that's crazy. They have the look of Utah. I've clearly been to Utah too many times that I can pick that out now.
Jake : They do. I prefer to call it the stench of Utah
Weetabix : I like her hair straightened
Jake : She looks far better. OOPS!
Weetabix : Yes, she had an oopsie
Jake : the stylist is hit or miss
Weetabix : And also? Barefoot again.
Jake : no doubt
Weetabix : Her hands are CRAZILY wrinkled. What's up with that? Is she super old or something?
Jake : she has so much heart, though... she communicates her passion so well. I really like this
Weetabix : She's no Vanessa Carlton. She's kind of countrifying this, like, a little ya'llternative
Jake : heh, very much so, but I liked it
Weetabix : I don't know, I thought it was ok but I push against liking Brooke
Jake : Randy is feeling bitchy tonight
Weetabix : Again, I agree with Randall... it was ok
Jake : I kind of like it
Weetabix : apparently I also am feeling bitchy
Jake : I'm underwhelmed by everyone so far
Weetabix : I agree also with Paula that she is pretty consistant.
Jake : I think she'll win
Weetabix : I think she's going to be up there quite far

COMMERCIALS

Jake :
even with her Sara Chalkeness?
Weetabix : there is a lot of Sara Chalke there speaking of which, I am trying to overcome that hatred too. Because of How I Met Your Mother. She was sort of adorable on last night's episode
Jake : Bears do not belong in Lowes
Weetabix : no, everyone knows they shop at Home Depot
Jake : This VW commercial is too diverse for me
Weetabix : I have a Chevy truck commercial, that says a lot about the difference in our states

MICHAEL JOHNS

Weetabix : AUSSIE! At least he's born in the same decade as I am
Jake : What's with the Astrology?
Weetabix : aw, his parents are adorable
Jake : Australians fight easily, it's all the drinking
Weetabix : although I have to point out that I went to Youtube and watched his Bohemian Rhapsody performance? it really was fantastic.
Jake : Awesome!
Weetabix : He's doing more Queen! Look at all the action! Lights! Clapping! DYNAMIC! and also? He has very nice arms.
Jake : I don't think he's lip syncing this week
Weetabix : According to shmuel, he wasn't last week either
Jake : He was last week, totally
Weetabix : I rewatched that performance too, very closely, and I can't find anything that obviously looks like he was.
Jake : that was very good. Queen is always a good choice
Weetabix : that was fucking awesome, and also, Paula just had her third orgasm. she's GLOWING! Actually, I think Randy might have had petit de mort as well
Jake : what?
Weetabix : seriously, that was hot. AUSSIE IS BACK IN MY PANTS!
Jake : Paula lost it there
Weetabix : aftershock


CARLY SMITHSON

Weetabix : Oh my god, she had a million curls!
Jake : No way. She's 30
Weetabix : she does look older than that!
Jake : Her mother has aged well
Weetabix : that she has
Jake : perhaps she spends a lot of time in the sun. Stay out of the Sun!
Weetabix : Well, she has been in CA for at least 6 years
Jake : Wear Sunscreen
Weetabix : wear sunscreen-- fuck
Jake : YES
Weetabix : TOTAL ECLIPSE OF THE HEART!
Jake : oh, wait
Weetabix : I had this on 45. you thought it was Heart again, didn't you?
Jake : I did
Weetabix : I'm singing along with this
Jake : this is good though. She has strange singing posture
Weetabix : she's awesome
Jake : this is fantastic
Weetabix : yes, it's not exactly flattering. not as bad a singing posture as Nurse Ratched's
Jake : Oh, that was a little bit of Irish in the song
Weetabix : aye
Jake : She's so good
Weetabix : I loooooved that
Jake : she thanked Ricky and the band, boo Randy
Weetabix : weird... Randy really is bitchy tonight
Jake : I know
Weetabix : Randy doesn't like the "whole rock thing"? that's so weird. He was in JOURNEY
Jake : He's a hater. I liked the run at the end. She was very tense? it was the posture! Simon's getting a package in the mail
Weetabix : And Simon is the voice of reason. Ok, the whole bathroom discussion between Ryan and Carly was just strange. I don't know where to put that in my brain.

COMMERCIALS

Jake : this coke commercial was bizarre. I will never be ready for an Alvin and the Chipmunks revival
Weetabix : it's all just sort of thrown out in the middle of a tirade about how hard her life has been
they just keep coming back, the Chipmunks. They're like entertainment Haley's comets

DAVID ARCHULETA

Weetabix : Baby Xander might miss prom! Oh no!
Jake : He can't take a boy to Prom
Weetabix : Does he have a crush on someone? Great, Ryan just left a teenage girl totally mortified on national television.
Jake : She's student body president and leader of his fan club
Weetabix : how the hell do you know this? wow
Jake : She's on the news every night. this is awkward
He looked like Speedy Gonzales
Weetabix : "You're The Voice"??? Oh, this sounds familiar, like, I might have heard it at the dentist
Jake : I have no idea
Weetabix : it sounds like something you'd hear at church camp
Jake : that it does. I may feel the stirrings of Jesus in my chest
Weetabix : and also, he's totally wearing a Member's Only jacket
Jake : I have no idea what America sees in this kid. this is terrible. TERRIBLE
Weetabix : yeah, I wasn't loving it, dawg. again, though, we're not the voters, I asked Abby who she was voting for on Easter? She confirmed: David Archuleta.
Jake : Hah! Theme Park! that's my slam! but totally true

COMMERCIALS

Weetabix :
Ok, how much do I love Marshall from How I Met Your Mother? Very very much. Jason Segal, I believe is his name.
Jake : Jennifer Garner looks younger than Carly
Weetabix : I have no interest in trying Orbit Maui Melon Mint
Jake : neither do I, Melon and Mint do not belong together
Weetabix : agreed, although I've had a fruit salad that had melon with a light mint syrup, and it wasn't bad
Jake : Utah now has a DSW. WE HAVE ARRIVED AMERICA

KRISTY LEE COOK

Jake : cheesecake dad shot, going for the gays
Weetabix : 1984...I was in 6th grade when she was born. I had not yet seen a penis in a sexual nature, so this is ok
Jake : she looks younger than Carly
Weetabix : She does! She wears sunscreen!---oh no
Jake : she was remarkably-- NO. NO!
Weetabix : not God Bless The USA! Do you remember when Invincible Girl sang this at Journalcon Austin?
Jake : yes
Weetabix : And sang it as the United States of Awesome? It is still to this day, the best and only tolerable version of this song. this is KLC's attempt to shake the rednecks out of their stupor and get them to pick up the damned phone
Jake : hopefully they've bought new minutes, or paid the bill. momma needs to vote for idol! she's not going home on God Bless America
Weetabix : I don't know. Once, someone had to go home singing "Smile" which I thought was particularly harsh, having to sing out your departure on "Smile, though your heart is breaking"
Jake : Her interview was not obnoxious but now I want to hurt her
Weetabix : cheese and rice, we're stuck with KLC for another week
Jake : we are
Weetabix : she's throwing off my pool
Jake : mine as well, you can't slam God Bless the USA... but Simon might try. Fingers crossed.... DAMN
Weetabix : wow... Simon loved it!? And loves the song? I give up.
Jake : he respects her playing the right card
Weetabix : well, that is true. She really did. All the cashiers at Walmart just went on break so they could vote.

COMMERCIALS
Jake : Bandit feels patriotic. He was born in Arkansas though
Weetabix : as was the sexiest US President. and one Presidential Library that I really look forward to visiting... mostly because I hear there's free oral sex

DAVID COOK

Weetabix : And now I feel guilty for thinking he's kind of hot
Jake : totally sporting the 5 head
Weetabix : oh my god, the explanation for the comb over! he's just got a giant head!
Jake : also balding
Weetabix : I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt
Jake : benefit of the douche
Weetabix : weird!
Jake : what song is this?
Weetabix : It's a crizazy version of Billie Jean! this is pretty awesome
Jake : I will admit to being intrigued. it's still, off
Weetabix : it's like a novelty, like bacon flavored ice cream. you just have a hard time deciding what to do with it
Jake : I'm going to go with, No
Weetabix : I fall on the side of Yay. we will teeter
Jake : Simon is annonyed at Paula
Weetabix : Interesting! I think he's got a glove fetish and has been distracted all night
Jake : god, did you see the back of the dress?
Weetabix : nope. Simon said it was amazing! See, Simon is the voice of reason tonight! And yay for Dane Cook getting the pimp spot!
Jake : I was not in love with it
Weetabix : that's because you think he's a douche


RECAP

Jake :
poor Ramiele, she's gone
Weetabix : Noooooooooooo! I'm afraid for Ramiele. Castro's safe, Syesha's safe
Jake : Syesha was good
Weetabix : that she was. Chickeze wasn't very good
Jake : Chickeze might be bottom
Weetabix : I predict he'll be bottom three. Brooke's safe
Jake : I liked Brooke, Safe. Micheal...
Weetabix : Aussie is totally safe and I will venture that Carly is too because she was awesome
Jake : Carly might not be, but I loved it.
Weetabix : David Archuleta
Jake : that was awful. stupid David Archeleta hand his Tween Army
Weetabix : he's still safe though
Jake : KLC will squeek by again
Weetabix : KLC... I'm still not sure. yeah, I don't think she's out
Jake : bottom three, but will survive
Weetabix : And David cook is totally golden this week
Jake : Douchey will live to douche again
Weetabix : I know that we already made our pool picks, but given this new data, do you have a feeling about who might be winning this thing?
Jake : douche will go very far
Weetabix : Jason Castro?
Jake : it will probably come down between Douche and David Archeleta.
Weetabix : I really don't think Castro is going that far, but interesting!
Jake : Castro is going to be out in a week or two
Weetabix : Wait, you're contradicting yourself! This is like "Who's On First", because Dane Cook does not equal Jason Castro
and Jason Castro = Douche
Jake : I'm not. Dane Cook is Douche
Jake : I have to say that was more entertaining than Beetles night. parts 1 and 2
Weetabix : finally something we can agree upon
Jake : Okay, fine, Dane and David will be the top two with the Tween Army against, I don't know what Army Dane has
Weetabix : that blows Pie's whole demographics theory, though
Jake : though i'm pulling for Brooke
Weetabix : I'm thinking it will be Archuleta and Brooke, but I'm probably going to be wrong.
Jake : which is strange, that's what I put in my pool
Weetabix : which I'm fine with
Jake : Brooke does everything wrong, and it comes out right somehow
Weetabix : it's her fragility that is attractive. she's Teflon. it's a little weird
Jake : plus the passion when she sings
Weetabix : we're back to disagreeing, because I find her somewhat dishwater, but then, I'm biased against her. I'm calling this Weetapidol a draw.

WEETAPIDOL OUT!

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