Tuesday, May 06, 2008

Top 4: Castrociousness

Pie: I have an image of Seacrest with weird hair… kind of triangularly pointy hair
Weetabix: what the hell! he's got Max Headroom hair… it's not a faux hawk… it's like a schlomohawk
Pie: Jason Castro was making an "I know this is ridiculous" face behind Seacrest
Weetabix: heee! by the way, the girl on the glass bridge is now a Jordin lookalike
Pie: interesting
Weetabix: top 4! how is that possible? what have you done America?
Pie: I know.. the season just whizzed on by, and here are Jason Castro and Syesha, for some reason
Weetabix: Randy is wearing something he pulled out of the backseat of a jumping car on Ventura
Pie: Syesha again looks fabulous. maybe she'll make it to the final two just to add some sex appeal.
Weetabix: wait, was that just Dawson? that was the Vanderbeek!
Pie: I love him now, after he was on How I Met Your Mother
Weetabix: I think he's creepy. And have always thought that… I dream of a David/David finale
Pie: I think the David/David final two is happening
Weetabix: this week, we're learning about this crazy thing the kids today are calling "rock and roll"
Pie: I am so thankful it is being explained to me
Weetabix: we should go to Cleveland and visit the hall of fame! ROAD TRIP!?! is there a presidential library there? I might be able to multitask… Grover Cleveland, perhaps?
Pie: my in-laws live there, and we were there and bored, and Ian still recommended that we not go. but if we can go see Grover Cleveland's presidential library, I'm in.
Weetabix: your in-laws are delightful people
Pie: I have always wanted to name a child Grover

Weetabix: DAVID COOK! Oh fuck me, he's doing Duran Duran
Weetabix: I just came, with the title
Pie: Hungry Like the Awesome!
Weetabix: I'm sad that Esteban isn't here, because this is his favorite 80's song, and then maybe he'd let me have sex with Dane Cook via threesome
Pie: would the threesome be you, Dane Cook, and David Cook?
Weetabix: Oh, fuck, that would be a serious guilty pleasure threesome
Pie: as opposed to the regular, staid, guilt-free threesomes you now enjoy
Weetabix: well, yes, my threesomes tend to be efficient fantasies with legitimate possibililities
Pie: There are too many letters in that word
Weetabix: ooooh, middle idolette? ROCKING that dress
Anyway, that was awesome
Pie: somehow, Cookie is selling the "doo doo doo doos"
Weetabix: his voice is amazing
Pie: yeah that kind of ruled McRuleyville.
Weetabix: and yet, Randy thinks it was just ok?
Pie: it left Paula with a "big appetite," and she enjoys "watching him grow." I think this might be a woman thing.
Weetabix: Sorry, Paula cannot come up with that line on her own.
Pie: she memorized it, I'm sure… or Nigel wrote it on her hand
Weetabix: I enjoy Dane Cook's dog tags
I thought I'd mention that
it's kind of like a wallet chain, but around your neck
I'm sensing a theme

Pie: coming up, Syesha smiles all pageanty!
Weetabix: Syesha is looking AMAZING
Pie: I am embracing the Syesha pageant vibe. she does look amazing, seriously.
Weetabix: see, that's the same color I was raving about a few weeks ago
kind of a champagne color? It's amazing for her
Again with the giant disk earring, though. She's keeping it real, dawg.
Pie: They are like glass peacock earrings
Weetabix: I think I'm going to enjoy this
Pie: Ian: "she's annoying."
Weetabix: I love this song
Pie: why is Syesha suddenly being charming?
Weetabix: especially with legs and stuff
and that dress
the legs=Simon will love it
Pie: her legs definitely measure up against Tina's... and that is quite a compliment
Weetabix: that it is. Tina's have more muscle tone, but Syesha's are up for the requirement.
Pie: and she's dancing.. that's brave
Weetabix: ooooh choreography!
Pie: it didn't quite work, but you can see she's slowly turning into a legitimate performer
Weetabix: yes, you would get winded
Pie: more "doo doo doo doos"… maybe that's what this "rock and roll" thing is all about
Weetabix: um, seriously, I'm getting a serious Beyonce vibe right now
Pie: nice job, Syesha!
she really has a star quality all of a sudden!
Weetabix: seriously, that was awesome!
her audience meter is through the roof!
You can actually see Simon smiling from behind
his cheeks were visible from behind.
Pie: Randy is correct that she's peaking at absolutely the right time, and Paula is right that she's turned into a star
Weetabix: Maybe it will be a Syesha/David finale?
Pie: that's what I said earlier.. scroll back, baby!
Weetabix: yes, she was snoozer until recently. And, I might add, she's totally fucking me over on the pool picks.
Pie: yeah, this is why Shmuel will own us all by the end
Weetabix: Interesting, the legs did not mean that Simon liked it! He called it a bad impression of Tina Turner!
Pie: hmm.
Weetabix: I have chagrin for thinking she'd not even hit the tour
Pie: I share your chagrin
Weetabix: we are chagrin twins
Pie: I also chare your shagrin
Weetabix: ok, drunky
Pie: hee. how did you know?
Weetabix: gee, psychic!

Pie: I have Ryan holding a head on a stick
Weetabix: that is creepy
Pie: is that... Castro?
Weetabix: some kind of voodoo Castro?
Pie: voodoo Castro!!
Weetabix: Carly!
Pie: juxtaposed with Castro to remind us WHO TO BLAME
Pie: you just played into it
Weetabix: Oh my god, I want to fucking smack him
Weetabix: trying desperately to prove that he can do something other than a ballad
Pie: although really, could he ever have left before he got a chance to slaughter Bob Marley and swing his dreadlocks around?
Weetabix: jesus, his family has the Voodoo Castro
Pie: he isn't even singing. this sucks. you are NO BOB MARLEY SIR.
Weetabix: I must say, I really enjoy Bob Marley so maybe I'm biased, but this? SUCKS
like, if this guy were singing at a local bar, I'd still think he sucked.
when he sang "If I am guilty"... it went all kinds of off key
Pie: the guys in the band are playing the instruments and rolling their eyes simultaneously
"I can't believe my saxophone skills have come to this."
Weetabix: heee
Ricky Minor is looking into career counseling
Pie: poor Jason looks like a kicked puppy
Weetabix: Thank you Simon for calling out the Castrociousness
Pie: hahaha! and we have the title of this post, right there!
Weetabix: what does it say on Randy's sleeve?
Sincere? Sincrete? It's going to bug me.
Pie: I will try to get a peek
I think Castro may have taken a Xanax or something.. he looks positively cheerful to be told he sucks.

Pie: oh, Archibald.
it turns out he never really opens his eyes.
Weetabix: Baby Xander tries to convince us that when he was masturbating in his room, it was really him singing
Pie: thank you for that mental image. now *I* need a Xanax.
this is kind of good, though, don't you think?
Weetabix: Concentrate instead on the Middle Idolette, who so far, wins best cleavage of the night
yes, I don't mind this at all
also, I love this song
Pie: yes, she looks awesome, that middle Idolette
Weetabix: ooooh, weird falsetto thing at the end... interesting
Pie: I liked it, actually
Weetabix: It was unexpected. I enjoy watching him blossom into a young man. He's such a mini Timberlake
mark my words!
Pie: I am on Team Archibald right now
Weetabix: wait.. you're team Archie? Not TEAM COOK!?
Pie: no, I am on Team Cook for the win
Weetabix: noted
Pie: just Team Archibald for this particular song
Weetabix: do you think Paula harshed Syesha's mellow because they both are wearing metallic sequins?
Pie: I don't know, but Randy's sleeve? I think it's "Sin City"
Weetabix: hahaaaaa! Simon has not sated his lust for Castro's blood and takes another shot. LOVE IT!

Weetabix: I am enjoying Dane Cook's facial hair situation
Pie: Ian: "his hair is wrong. his facial hair, his top hair. it's all wrong."
Weetabix: IAN IS WRONG!
I will not hear of any more Dane Cook detraction
Pie: okay, Team Cook
Weetabix: except I have to say, I fucking HATE The Who… in fact, I make Esteban fast forward through the intro for CSI because I hate this song so much
Pie: Ian loves this song and says "he's doing a shitty job"
Weetabix: maybe he's making it his own
Pie: this is the theme song to CSI? that is BRILLIANT. he will get bonus votes from CSI viewers, and CSI is like one of the most popular shows!
Weetabix: All of the CSI's have Who songs in the intro
Pie: Ian: "I am not enjoying it."
I am reporting Ian's feelings because I don't know the song and have no feelings about it one way or the other
Weetabix: I love this version of the song
which is saying a LOT because I was braced to hate it
Pie: consider me as occupying the middle ground. now we've covered every part of the spectrum.
Weetabix: how did the performance make you feel as a person? As a music enjoyer? AS A WOMAN!?!
Pie: I was going to type how it made me feel as a woman, but I decided it was too obscene, even for this blog.
Weetabix: I will ponder that deeply in my heart

SYESHA "A Change is Going to Come"
Pie: wow, and again, she looks stunning
Weetabix: Syesha" I went home after the results show and cried my eyes out"... yeah, so did Brooke!
Pie: that dress is a-MAAAAAZING
Weetabix: ooooh, it sure is
Pie: and by "that dress" I mean "her breasts"
Weetabix: you know what it reminds me of? In the draping? The dress that Kiera Knightley wore in Atonement. Only, instead of green, it's tangerine.
yes, the peekaboo window for the boobies is helping her case right now
she should have saved them for next week, when Castro wasn't the obvious easy out
Pie: she is a contender, all of a sudden. how... how did that happen?!
Weetabix: her lips are very glittery
I think it's the boobs. She's the last one with boobs.
Pie: for the first time, I think, she deserves to be in the top four
Weetabix: I wasn't impressed by the song, though. I didn't care about it.
Concur with Randall... it was meh
Pie: I liked it... not as much as Paula, though, who is now in tears and making Syesha cry
nice moment, though
Weetabix: wow, no kidding. Over-emoting much, Paula?
Pie: and yet Simon agrees with Paula. WHERE ARE YOUR TEARS, SIMON?
Weetabix: I agree, though. She's definitely a contender
I could see her bumping Archuleta out
Pie: she sang a civil rights song.... well, fair enough. but boy she is going to get some votes out of that.
Weetabix: I love that Ryan asserted his authority there, plus also did a plug for Hell's Kitchen. That's pretty slick.

Weetabix: Oh my fucking hell.
OH my GOD!
Pie: he seems like a sweet kid, but he is out of his league, given what Syesha has brought to the table
Weetabix: He missed the words
how can you mess up those words?
Pie: hee. was it like "hey Mr. Tangerine Man"?
Weetabix: Mr Tangerine Man?
Pie: you said he messed up the lyrics.. I was speculating..
Weetabix: No, he did like "Will you uh uh uhmmmmm uh you?"
Weetabix: sorry, sometimes I'm a little literal
he actually sounds better than he did in the first song
Pie: yeah it was better, just... he was outclassed
Weetabix: also, why the hell is Carly standing for that?
and they show Carly clapping anemically
Pie: to juxtapose "Do you miss Carly? If so DO NOT VOTE FOR JASON."
Weetabix: maybe they electrified her seat? Or took it away?
oooh, Simon got a little stern there. Yes Daddy.
Pie: Jason keeps mouthing "vote"
still, I can't see anyone else going home

Weetabix: he's got an iPhone
Pie: he is perched on a stool in a very un-sexy way to sing his love song
Weetabix: oh, I don't know about Elvis, kid.
Pie: he has a pretty voice, that Archibald, actually
Weetabix: this performance, though, does not have me entranced
instead, I'm focusing on his eyebrows, which are a MESS
Pie: because you are not a tween girl. if you were, I'm sure you'd be entranced.
Weetabix: perhaps
is Randy on drugs tonight?
Pie: Randy likes how he "caressed each word"
that is kind of pervy
Weetabix: he likes the sucky ones, hates the great stuff, I'm very perplexed
I wouldn't say that Archie crushed the competition
Pie: and Simon said he crushed the competition... yeah I wouldn't say that either
Weetabix: Syesha actually outperformed him
Pie: Cookie was good, Syesha was fantastic
I would call Syesha the best of the night as well
okay, there is no way anyone but Castro is going, right?
Weetabix: so... for the recapo.... I continue with my five week streak of predicting Castro
Pie: wait, isn't there a typical "fourth place shocker boot"? in that case, anyone but Castro will be a shocker.
Weetabix: I was hoping that Brooke was the shocker
Pie: by the time she went, it was not a shock
Weetabix: if Brooke were still in it, I'd say that she would be gone tonight
Pie: hahaha... sure. if Sanjaya were on the show, I'd say he was gone too.
Weetabix: heee! Ok, in my head, it sounded like smart critical analysis and conjecture!
Pie: in reality, it seemed like a random hypothetical.
Weetabix: I predict that one of the four remaining contestants will be eliminated!
Pie: ooh, Ryan just reminded us that Tamyra and Daughtry were both eliminated fourth
Weetabix: oooh, see, yes, those were shocker,s although I never was a Tamyra fan, personally.
I believe she was Kelly and Justin's season.
Pie: I predict that John Stevens is a goner!!
we will not be seeing Constantine next week! I predict!
Weetabix: oh are you kidding? He's in that stupid audience every other week
Pie: yes, I realize now that my prediction has flaws
he has nothing else to do... he probably sits in that studio all week long
Weetabix: but if I were Kelly Pickler, I'd be not planning to perform next week
he's seat filler
Pie: hee! totally.
Weetabix: so... in finality, we both concur that Castro will be kicked off of our screens
although, my prediction of this has been his good luck charm for a long time
Pie: well, I think his luck has run out.
Weetabix: so instead, I will say Archuleta will go
Pie: okay. I predict David Cook SHOCK BOOT HORROR.
Weetabix: but really, stick a fork in Castro
Look, I still really haven't gotten past the PST of watching Daughtry! get the untimely boot.
Pie: okay. it won't happen. shh. shhh. it's okay.
go back to the happy place with the Dane/David threesome
Weetabix: great, who is going to rock me back to sleep tonight when the nightmares come?
right... happy place.. happy place
Pie: okay, Weetapidol out?
Weetabix: Yes, Weetapidol Out (Subtitle: Smell you later, Jason Castro)

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Blogger Kim said...

Cram it, Skippy.

You had to do Elvis? I am rewinding my tivo and actually wat ching Castro to get that out of my head.


6:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

those eyebrows were bugging me too!


7:39 AM  
Blogger Martha said...

Syesha was awesome tonight, but in general, I thought the show was boring. If Castro is not eliminated tomorrow, I'll be shocked, but I think Syesha may possibly get booted just because she's been in the bottom 3 so many times.

4:03 PM  

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