Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Top 5: Freebirding the Liveblog

Weetabix : bear with me.. oy vey…stupid wireless thingy!
MoPie : well, at least we have YouTube… god bless America
Weetabix : what did we do before the internet? In our covered wagons and such?
MoPie : I will describe what happens between the performances. first, Ryan is asking if anyone is going to have a nervous breakdown, BROOKE. it was a dark time.
Weetabix : it really really was
MoPie : okay, the bridge, the roo rrrrooo, the opening credits
Weetabix : ok while you are narrating, can I just say that this has been the best Idol season for me so far…. even without DAUGHTRY!
MoPie : Ryan strides out upon the stage, and everyone waves to Carly, WHO WAS GOING TO SING SWEET CAROLINE TONIGHT.
Weetabix : it's like the producers are reading my freaking mind with the mentors…oh Carly
MoPie : yes, season five sucked, DAUGTRY! notwithstanding
Weetabix : that is very sad
MoPie : are you a Neil Diamond fan? wow, we're down to the top five? Seriously?
Weetabix : between the Pick!Pickler and the Bucky and the creepy claw-handed Taylor, yes
MoPie : Syesha has straightened out her hair into waves.
Weetabix : seriously, Top FIVE! interesting hair choice
MoPie : Brooke is wearing something Unfortunate… now there is a Neil Diamond montage
Weetabix : which I will undoubtedly see in a bit, when I use the magicks of the internets…please, inform American who Neil Fucking Diamond is… I heart Neil, let me just say right now… in case that wasn't obvious
MoPie : Diamond is meeting the Idols and they all look impressed except Syesha, who looks like she has no idea who he is
Weetabix : at this point, if American Idol producers throw me a bone with an Abba week, then my ideal Idol Bingo Card will be complete
MoPie : I am really hoping Cookie sings Sweet Caroline, and "makes it his own"…. oh god, Abba week would be awesome.
Weetabix : I heard that Archie's doing it…or rather, saw it as I rolled down the list of videos
MoPie : Archie is going to do something not interesting

JASON CASTRO, "FOREVER IN BLUE JEANS"

Weetabix : I know, I fear for it
MoPie : do you have the montage?
Weetabix : I do
MoPie : I like Archie but I doubt he'll "mix it up"? I don't know why there was a question mark there. DELETE QUESTION MARK. hee.
Weetabix : I would enjoy Dane Cook doing something crazy and emo with Sweet Caroline by the way
MoPie : Jason Castro is playing his guitar and making stupid faces
Weetabix : oh, I love Forever in Blue Jeans… and now Castro is going to have an abortion, right there on the stage…
MoPie : I don't know this song, in fact
Weetabix : you are too young… I think we have met our generation gap, the thing that defines our age difference of four years
MoPie : this is an awesome song, I can already tell because it is awesome in spite of who is singing it… he's actually not terrible if you avert your eyes from him
Weetabix : it is. I would say it's in my top 10 favorite ND songs…except for that creaky Peter Brady note when he sang "at my side"
MoPie : his caterpillar eyebrows, his weird faces, his HAIR for the love of god. it is his appearance that bothers me
Weetabix : oh, did you notice? HE'S WEARING BLUE JEANS!
MoPie : I want Neil Diamond to come out and sing this song
Weetabix : I do too! It's awesome when he sings it!
MoPie : please tell me he and Clay Aiken are dueting on "Solitaire" tomorrow night
Weetabix : oh dear
MoPie : no judging until after the second song.
Weetabix : weird

DAVID COOK, "I'M ALIVE"

MoPie : I am on Ryan Raps
Weetabix : go!
MoPie : and Ryan is talking about carpooling with his mom… and singing Neil Diamond songs into his hairbrush
Weetabix : I don't know this song
MoPie : David Cook kind of has a Neil Diamond quality to his voice
Weetabix : I agree. He's going to be good. This is my prediction!
MoPie : I think we are as one.
Weetabix : and also, playing his hot guitar… I don't know if I know this song but I do not approve of his strange blazer situation
MoPie : I enjoy the blazer situation
Weetabix : he does definitely sound a bit like Neil Diamond when he sings "it's all right!"
MoPie : now that Carly's gone, I'm rooting for Cookie
Weetabix : well, duh
MoPie : this performance awesomes. "awesomes": now a verb. take a memo.
Weetabix : the audience had Chris Lights… noted. I don't know if I felt that awesomed, but I enjoyed it! I probably won't be buying it on iTunes, though

BROOKE WHITE, "I'M A BELIEVER"

MoPie : she's talking about how she's playing both guitar and piano tonight
Weetabix : I'm a fan of both of her songs!
MoPie : and wearing a very cute blue dress, as opposed to her Unfortunateness.
Weetabix : I'm a Believer, of course, made popular as sung by Mickey Dolenz of the Monkees…actually, that would also be a good week. Monkees week
MoPie : aah, there it is. the Unfortunate outfit, and the fact that she kind of sounds like shit.
Weetabix : Hmmm... I really do not approve of the whatever the hell it is she's wearing
MoPie : what happened, Brooke? you would approve even less if half of it wasn't covered by the guitar.
Weetabix : and also, I think this song is too big for her… which I never thought I'd throw out a Randy-ism, but it's true
MoPie : has she sung anything without an instrument? it might help. plus, she looks so nervous all the time.
Weetabix : she's still hurting from the Evita thing last week …is the microphone unnaturally large this week? it seems like it's covering half of her head…
MoPie : yeah, now that you say that.... if she were really hurting, she would have LAID OFF THE SILVER PANTS.
Weetabix : ha! Seriously, she can't do fast songs, I think… she coasts on her vulnerability

ARCHIBALD, "SWEET CAROLINE"

MoPie : Archie is singing the two most cheesy possible songs
Weetabix : I'm ok with that! These are my two favorite ND songs!
MoPie : but Cookie should sing them!
Weetabix : oooooh, he could so growl out America like nobody's business … And also, Archie's hoping to pull out a KLC with America
MoPie : he doesn't need to do a KFC
Weetabix : no, Archie doesn't…. ooooh, I don't know about this… I'm feeling a little funny right now… maybe because I know the song so well and love it so much
MoPie : I do enjoy this arrangement
Weetabix : really!??! I totally thought you'd be all up in arms
MoPie : I love this song too! my sister was named after this song. no, it's not bad. I think there need to be more unusual arrangements of "Sweet Caroline"
Weetabix : I'm ok with it... although it's a little High School Musical… I agree. I think Marilyn Manson needs to cover it
MoPie : god, I love Marilyn Manson. I've even seen him in concert. yes, it was quite Zac Efron, but when is he not?
Weetabix : point! very pointy!

SYESHA MERCADO, "HELLO AGAIN"

Weetabix : where are you?
MoPie : piano and mentoring
Weetabix : Ryan is trying to make me feel guilty for watching this via Rickey
MoPie : how so?
Weetabix : wait... that's because rickey doesn't have her first performance… it's coming up later, where he makes a spiel about buying via iTunes… let me find it on youtube
MoPie : Neil Diamond just asked Syesha for a hug, which was slightly creepy, even though he is oddly attractive
Weetabix : I enjoy this song… I'm not sure if I enjoy her hair like this
MoPie : she is doing her pageanty smile
Weetabix : very much so... so far, this is really bland
the actual ND song is kind of gritty and vulnerable and charming
MoPie : yeah, but this means she has the pimp spot
Weetabix : true… maybe that means Castro's done… this was boring. Her voice was nice but it was just kind of meh
MoPie : it could very well mean that…I agree. nice but meh. she looks very pretty though, I have decided.
Weetabix : so are we back to Castro?
MoPie : no, all the Idols are being brought out for judging on round one
Weetabix : oh I don't have that… why are they playing with me!?!?!
MoPie : Randy: Jason is just okay, Cookie is in the zone, Brooke is better but still karaoke, Archie is the bomb, Syesha is strong and nice, but not amazing
Weetabix : like, they all get judged at once? like a dog show?
MoPie : Paula: she loved Jason's lower register... HOLD ON… she is giving comments on his second song… which he has not yet sung
Weetabix : oh nice!
MoPie : GRASSY KNOLL.
Weetabix : because she's reading it, right?
MoPie : yes, she's reading off a piece of paper.
Weetabix : nice!
MoPie : "you're not fighting hard enough" she says.
Weetabix : wait, Rickey has this! I'm watching!
MoPie : now they are turning it into a joke.. Paula says " I thought you sang twice!" and Ryan is saying "oh, Paula sees the future!"
Weetabix : oh jesus…seriously.... "I thought you sang twice!"????? wow, Simon totally covered it
MoPie : she is going to have to cover by saying she's on drugs
Weetabix : he realized that Paula was struggling and then came in and took over… you have to admire that quick thinking, though… I would have let her twist in the wind
MoPie : Simon: Jason is forgettable, Cookie is just above average, Brooke is a nightmare, Archie is amateurish, and Syesha is old-timey.
Weetabix : Brooke wasn't good, I have to agree
MoPie : Ryan looks petrified. wow, commercials. I cannot believe that just happened. and yes, Brooke sucked.
Weetabix : her silver garb was a nightmare… I'm titillated. ignore that man behind the curtain!
MoPie : so far her and Jason are totally bottom two. the Grassy Knoll is probably going totally crazy right now.
Weetabix : can we vote out Paula?
MoPie : I need to open some more wine

JASON CASTRO, "SEPTEMBER MORN"

MoPie : Jason Castro, who is going to get some bad criticism from Paula
Weetabix : heee! I also enjoy September Morn
MoPie : I predict it!
Weetabix : I don't know which Diamond song I would have picked for Castro… Holly Holy maybe… actually, ND's written so many songs for other artists too… there's probably a lot I am missing. Also I hate this. I agree with what Paula is about to say!
MoPie : hahaha I also agree with the upcoming comments from Paula!
Weetabix : I don't have the judging but it's a moo point

COOKIE, "ALL I REALLY NEED IS YOU"

Weetabix : Ricky in his penthouse! another song I don't think I know
MoPie : I enjoy Cookie. I continue to wish his hair were something else.
Weetabix : oh! You know what song Neil Diamond wrote? Girl, You'll Be a Woman Soon!
MoPie : that's another song that reminds me of my sister, whose name is CAROLINE. oooOOOoooo.
Weetabix : I agree. Like when he was all punk in the Ford Focus commercial last week? I found him appealing. Cracklin Rosie... I hope someone does that! oooh, or He Ain't Heavy He's My Brother! wait, he didn't write that one, he just sang it
MoPie : Paula just called him the American Idol
Weetabix : is that what it said on her index card? You Don't Bring Me Flowers! I love that song!
MoPie : wait, who is singing that? where am I?
Weetabix : no, I'm now just shouting out requests. I'm Freebirding the liveblog

BROOKE WHITE, " I am I SAID!"

MoPie : is she wearing a jumpsuit?
Weetabix : she seems to be, yes… in keeping with the 70's Diamond ouevre
MoPie : this is a pretty song
Weetabix : actually, she's not. The pants actually do not match the shirt, thus completing the silver travesty.
MoPie : yes, that was my initial response: "it clashes." but then for a moment I saw jumpsuit. forgive me. I have had wine.
Weetabix : drink more
MoPie : "I am myself"!! that reminds me of every comment Paula has ever made to Brooke, including "you are Brooke White" and "you are you."
Weetabix : this is a much better Brooke song
MoPie : because Brooke is Brooke. I agree, this is good. finally!
Weetabix : you know who she reminds me of, though? Not Brooke, but rather Carly Simon… singing Anticipation. it's got kind of the Carly Simon vibe going…
MoPie : oh, Randy said nice job. Paula from the future liked it. and Simon says.... he really hated the first song, but likes piano Brooke.
Weetabix : because he's probably got a better view of her ass
MoPie : "not incredible, but a million times better than the first song." and also, ha.
ARCHIE, "America"
Weetabix : America! today!
MoPie : oh yeah! AMERICA! he is doing a strange shoulder bob
Weetabix : BEST SONG THAT ISN"T SWEET CAROLINE! he is. Poor little Mormon boy.
MoPie : he is so not Zac Efron. I kind of think Zac Efron is hot. and Archie? never. this is a car commercial performance.
Weetabix : I do not think either of them are hot. I think Archie's adorably geeky and somehow that makes him likeable….indeed. There should be a scroll at the bottom telling you about 0% financing for a limited time.
MoPie : Zac Efron was cute in Hairspray. however, he was no James Marsden.
Weetabix : I do like his voice though. wait, James Marsden was in the original? I had no idea.
MoPie : no… he played Corny Collins in the new one, and he was awesonme
Weetabix : oh, I was feeling for a second that my pop culture of the 80's cred was about to be blown
MoPie : Randy said he was in the zone, Paula said it was perfect and is drunk, and Simon said it was a smart song choice
Weetabix : Paula loves him, but I don't believe anything she says anymore.
MoPie : Archie looks like he's struggling not to cry, that's weird.
SYESHA, " Thank the Lord for the Night Time"
MoPie : rooo rrrrooo… I have Ryan plugging iTunes, surrounded by a crowd
Weetabix : that's the part I was seeing erroneously….I also do not know of this song
MoPie : he is manhandling a small child.
Weetabix : I can't believe no one did Crackling Rosie… oh, when isn't he?
MoPie : I have decided I am very pro Syesha's hair. this is a cute performance, actually. Syesha, you don't suck!
Weetabix : so, it's weird, but with her hair all straightened like that, she looks a lot like my creepy aunt. So I have an automatic dislike for her… this one doesn't suck, agreed
MoPie : the lyric for this song was something about "making love to you" a little risque there, Syesha!
Weetabix : but she's crawling out of a hole that she's been digging all season. A hole made by her lack of personality
MoPie : that was very well said! either that or I'm drunky. possibly both.
Weetabix : you are pretty drunky. Paula is reading again
MoPie : Simon is saying Syesha may be in trouble? are you kidding?
okay, there's a recapo… sorry, recap
Weetabix : he should say that she's safe. That cursed Carly!
MoPie : although "recapo" would be fun.
Weetabix : a recapo? Is that some mob term?
MoPie : ole! el recapo! it is obviously SPANISH.
Weetabix : I was thinking about the capo
MoPie : I think Jason or Brooke is leaving. actually, I'm sure of it.
Weetabix : the recapo being required when the capo doesn't do its job

RECAPO

Weetabix : god, I hope it's Castro
MoPie : hehehe
Weetabix : I was playing odds with my pool choices and had Brooke taking it… although I don't think she's going to now
MoPie : yeah I have her at number two… I actually think Shmuel is going to win, because he has Syesha at, like, fourth… and everyone else had her as being long gone.
Weetabix : Shmuel is smart… he's going to rack up points with that pick
MoPie : or can see into the future, like Paula
Weetabix : So, your prediction is Brooke or Castro… I will say Castro… but I've been saying that for the last... what, four weeks?
MoPie : yes, and I guess I will say... I don't know.
Weetabix : I'm bound to be right one of these weeks, right?
MoPie : if America kind of missed the grassy knoll aspects, Castro will go… but if America caught on, then Brooke will go.
Weetabix : I don't think America cares about whether or not this show is rigged… I think the voters are teenyboppers… and not jaded old bloggers like us… in majority, anyway
MoPie : yeah. okay, Castro is toasto.

Weetapidol outto!

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1 Comments:

Blogger Shmuel said...

Smart? Nah. I've wiped out in this pool every year until now. I'm just getting lucky on Syesha, I think. :-)

Though I put Brooke in first, so I'm not so sure how I'll do in the final standings...

7:44 AM  

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