Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Top 2: David on David Action (but no double strength virility)

Mopie : helloooeeewww
Weetabix : helllloooooooh! ok, my impressions of the performances
Archie stepped up his game a lot, but I think at this point he's only got the teeny boppers voting for him
Cook didn't impress me, but I think it's because he raised the bar already, so I'm going in, expecting greatness
I didn't hate what he sang, it just wasn't finale caliber
Mopie : yeah maybe so... still, I did not get any goosebump moments
Weetabix : right
it wasn't a Hello moment
Mopie : maybe "finale caliber" is the right phrase
Weetabix : or even a Phantom of the Opera moment
Mopie : no, or a Billie Jean moment
Weetabix : Archie's choice of Imagine was borrrrrring. I mean, it was a very good, but very safe choice...Anyway, we already know who won, but I have to say that I was worried
Mopie : man, Ian and I were both totally convinced Archie was taking it...as was, I believe, America
Weetabix : oh, so was I. I was certain it would be another Taylor situation, not that Archie is as annoying as Taylor...although they do both affect the Claw maneuver
Mopie : and not that Kat McPhee was as good as Cook, because, no. she's very pretty. but, no.
Weetabix : no, she's not. And actually, none of these people are as good as Daughtry!
Weetabix : I'm sorry, but if Daughtry! had sung Phantom? It would have made me pregnant.
Mopie : I would be pregnant with twins right now.
Weetabix : because of the rewind?
Mopie : because of his double-strength virility
Weetabix : that is the power of the Chris lights
Mopie : I love how they're rewriting history... putting him in the winners montage and everything
Weetabix : Ryan actually implied that he won in the performance show
Mopie : go here and click on Music...it's pretty funny
Weetabix : Taylor got Pwned
Mopie : no kidding..."Taylor? Taylor who?"
Weetabix : Plus, they kicked J.Hud to the curb majorly early, but they'll totally take credit for her success
Mopie : I don't know, I don't think she was that good on the show...she had power but not enough control
Weetabix : I liked her, but then again, fat girl bias
Mopie : oh, sure...she was not one of my faves... I loved Fantasia that season
Weetabix : And speaking of Fantasia, we're about to blog...shall we?
Mopie : I am paused on the Davids dressed as preachers...and facing each other... it's like the beginning of some gay porn movie set in heaven
Weetabix : go!

Mopie : there is not enough gay porn in this movie
Weetabix : have we started pronouncing "extraordinary" as "extra ordinary"?
Mopie : if by "we" you mean "Ryan Seacrest" then yes
Weetabix : are they back in the whatever theatre?
Mopie : there is... Tamyra?
Weetabix : I missed her
Mopie : so there were 97 million votes cast...and the score was 56 to 44%...and there is Ruben in the audience and why is Randy dressed as a popcorn vendor?
Weetabix : Randy Jackson is wearing some serious insanity. oooh, I remember Matt Rogers!
Mopie : Mikalah Gordon and Matt Rogers are the correspondents. I remember Mikalah! she sucked as a singer, but is fun as a correspondent. It seems like they could have done better thn Matt Rogers, though
Weetabix : probably. Like... ACE!
Mopie : Goulash is eating the toes off of a stuffed hedgehog. I felt I should report that. ACE! have you seen his video? there are a lot of arms.
Weetabix : that is vaguely disturbing
Mopie : the top 12... dancing
Weetabix : Tilly is licking her taint
Mopie : who are all those other people on the stage?
Weetabix : Syesha's like "Remember me? Remember my legs? Hello?"
Mopie : and why is KFC in the front?
Weetabix : those are the people from some dance reality show that I don't watch
Mopie : Syesha's legs certainly are showcased in this number. there's Chickeze! I remember him! KFC is doing a good job with the dancing and singing... I am kind of happy for her
Weetabix : oh Jason Castro... I suppressed him
Mopie : she and Syesha look the most comfortable right now.
Weetabix : Brooke is a hot mess when she moves
Mopie : Nurse Ratched looks like she wants to kill herself by leaping off the stage
Weetabix : and also, she and Ferocia Coutura must not have great legs
Mopie : Brooke always has had that little awkward quality
Mopie : Cookie is singing
Weetabix : I enjoy Cookie
Mopie : and smiling saucily...he sounds fantastic
Weetabix : poor little Archie is going to be a rocker
Mopie : I hope he puts out an awesome Daughtry!-like album
Weetabix : oh,I'm sure that he will...that's his destiny
Mopie : it is awesome that the two Davids are dueting!! they sound so good! I love this!harmony!
Weetabix : damn, I may have to get tickets to the Idol concert. For my NIECE! For Abby! Yes. That's it.
Mopie : THIS is a goosebump moment, for me, this duet. I effing love it. tell me this is on iTunes!
Weetabix : I'm sure that it is... they wouldn't miss that opportunity... and my god, I didn't even realize that I hate that song, due to the association to Nickelback
Mopie : here is an embarrassing Mike Meyers guru commercial
Weetabix : is he going to be on the stage soon? I'm actually clenching my anus right now
Mopie : this is so... very.... humiliating.
Weetabix : poor Mike Myers. Doesn't Shrek pay the bills?
Mopie : I cannot believe they are making them "meet the guru" and shill for this fucking movie
one would hope... poor Archuleta has a fake smile painfully plastered on his face
and I think Cookie is about to burst into hysterical laughter
Weetabix : that's an impressive prosthetic nose
there, Cook lost it. You called it
oh god, he's on the stage now
Mopie : I did! wow. uuuuug HOW LONG IS THIS GOING TO GO ON
Ian: "Are you sure Ryan Seacrest doesn't go home and feel ashamed?"
Weetabix : that's what she said
Mopie : there is not enough champagne in my glass to get me through this
Weetabix : You know, I just had a weird ephiphany as my mind wandered during the pain
I think I want to be winked at by simon Cowell
Mopie : oh ho ho ho, he called Ryan "Mr. Seafoam"
Weetabix : preferabbly while he is wearing argyle
Mopie : HILARITY. wow, this schtick has lowered your standards in every direction. here is Syesha awesomeing around
Weetabix : wait, we get another Syesha? Have we ever had a 3rd place person perform on the finale before? But wow, Seal!
Mopie : yeah no shit! that's fucking Seal!
Weetabix : does this mean that Heidi Klum might be in the audience?
Mopie : I don't know, but it might mean THIS SHOW JUST GOT AWESOME.
Weetabix : I would like to see Seal on Full Frontal Friday please. seriously! This is awesome!
Mopie : there should be an awesome directors cut of this show. go straight from Hero to this duet. this ruley McRules. is that Lorne Michaels playing cello? probably not.
Weetabix : and also, for the first time ever, I'm finding Seal kind of hot...probably not, no
but that? would put this show into the stratosphere of Awesome
Mopie : I like the sexual tension on this stage tonight. they are both very pretty.
Weetabix : dude, that was awesome
Mopie : they sound great together... fantastic. that ruled. I want an MP3 of that too.
Weetabix : wait, I think they just showed Heidi!
Weetabix : mphellyess!


Mopie : okay I am paused on Seafoam talking about something
Weetabix : ok my unit freaked out
but it came back to Castro sitting on a stool
tool on stool
let me know when you're there
Mopie : to answer the question you asked a million years ago: yes, last year many of the top 10 performed, I thought
maybe not
no, season four
Weetabix : no, that's right, because I remember when Elliot performed with Mary J Blige
Mopie : remember Lindsay and Mikalah singing with Rascall Flats or something?
yeah. and. go I have tool on stool
Weetabix : i didn't watch the season with Lindsay and Mikalah
Mopie : he is reprising his performance. is Jeff Buckley going to turn up?
Rufus Wainwright?
Weetabix : considering he's dead, that WOULD be an awesome show
oh, I LOVE the Rufus Wainwright version
which was, by the way, featured on Shrek
Mopie : clearly I did not know Jeff Buckley was dead
Weetabix : I do! I can't help it! whoa, I can't believe I'm saying this, but... Castro has a nice ass
Mopie : this is boring and not as good as the first time he did it. I can't believe you just said that either. Melinda Doolittle is in the audience!
Weetabix : no, he's not afraid enough. The first time, he was uncertain and filled with vulnerability, which is what made it good. Ford commercial!So, they didn't have time to film one this week and they did a "clip commercial"
Mopie : it is fun to see them all luagjing and happy...wow, I need to slow down on the champagne
Weetabix : "laughing"?
Mopie : yes, that is what I was going for
the Davids got cars!! Is Archuleta old enough to drive his?
Weetabix : I used the "Drunky Mo to English" dictionary I have at the ready
yes, he's 16...Ooooh, finalist girls!
Mopie : hee. Seafoam just asked him if he had a license. it wasn't just me.
Weetabix : Carly!
Mopie : again, Nurse Ratched looks miserable...Carly looks hot
Weetabix : Ferocia looks short...ha, Nurse Ratched isn't wearing a dress
Mopie : Brooke is holding her arm out awkwardly
Weetabix : oh my god, when Nurse Ratched sings? I can't believe that she got into the Top 10
Mopie : what the hell is wrong with her? really. Ratched looks like she hates everything about... everything.
Carly rules, as ever.
Ferocia is wearing a horrible dress, and is not very good either.
Weetabix : no, it makes her look super wee
OMFG donna summer!
Mopie : oooooooh. bling-crophone!
Weetabix : I believe I've stated this on Weetapidol before, but I would really like a diamond-encrused microphone
Mopie : I would like everything I own to be diamond-encrusted.
Weetabix : including Goulash?
Mopie : especially Goulash.
and the parakeets.
Weetabix : Donna Summers is lip syncing
Mopie : their little diamond beaks
ooh, I did not catch that
Weetabix : or there's a backup/crutch track playing
she pulled away the mic and the vocals kept going
Mopie : it doesn't look like she's lip synchin right now
Weetabix : no, I don't think she is right now... this looks very real...also, is she wearing one of those cockroaches on a string? those are the rage... OH! it's her earpiece!
Mopie : wow this is a nice night for Syesha! she gets to sing with Seal and now Donna Summer?/
Weetabix : oh... something? it looks like a model of a stomach. Or maybe a kidney? I'm transfixed by Donna Summer's disturbing brooch
Mopie : I think Fantasia is in the audience... I have no idea what you're talking about... hee!.... ooh, Carly and Aussie are going to sing! Michael Johns looks extremely pretty
Weetabix : oh, I think Poppy bought a shirt by that designer when we were shopping... I recognize that weird faux studding technique
Mopie : Carly's dress designer?
Weetabix : and also, yes, AIMP is fucking fuckable. yes, that one
Mopie : it looks great
Weetabix : I will provide a link
Mopie : I might need tickets to the tour, too
Weetabix : Um, AIMP? I have missed him.
Mopie : for my niece
Weetabix : which you don't have
Mopie : which... I don't have a niece... but... I can get one.
Weetabix : do it for Elijah!
Mopie : okay! for my two year old nephew!
Weetabix : oh my god, she just touched him and it was the hottest thing ever
Mopie : I missed it.. shit
I saw a video of them singing "One" at some... thing
the two of them have been performing together lately
Weetabix : in my head, they are doing it
(with me)
Mopie : hee
Weetabix : that was... someone. The blond in the audience.
Maybe Marge Helgenberg?
Mopie : and here comes Jimmy Kimmel
with a Sanjaya joke... and cut to Sanjaya
god, this show is insane
Weetabix : who is alternately a douche and also adorable. I can never decide how to think about Kimmel
Mopie : I am a Kevin and Bean KROQ girl from back in the day... so I love him
Weetabix : was he on that show?
Mopie : he was a writer for the show, and yes, was on it occasionally
I like this Simon Cowell montage
mildly amusing
Weetabix : I do too! Plus, a wink!
the whole Kimmel thing, though, not so much
Mopie : top 6 guys!
Weetabix : AIMP!
Mopie : led by Michael Johns, singing bout "69"
Weetabix : he was gone way too early
Mopie : are they just trying to taunt us?
Weetabix : it's working
Mopie : oh my god, that Hernandez guy!
Weetabix : because then there's this guy, whom I had totally forgotten about
How did AIMP get canned so early and yet, Castro was around to taunt us?
I might have some good feeling sabout Castro if he had gotten canned early
Oh, I LOVE Heaven!
Mopie : the Davids look so cute together since Archuleta is so tiny
Weetabix : and hasn't gone through puberty yet
Mopie : and they sound so great together
Weetabix : Archie's doing a better job with the eyes
Mopie : come on, Weetapidolers....
Weetabix : Oh, that was AIMP singing the "no no no!" in the background! HOT!
Mopie : and now... Bryan Adams has turned up? Is he still alive?
Weetabix : he is! And also, Canadian. It's Canadian night on AI!
Mopie : who else is Canadian?
Weetabix : he needs orthodontia. Bad.
Mike Myers
and, probably, someone else
Mopie : Bryan Adams looks grizzled
Weetabix : He's got to fix that tooth situation
Mopie : and thanks a lot, I had blocked Mike Myers's appearance successfully
Weetabix : sorry
Mopie : now it's back, and causing me psychic pain
Weetabix : Hernandez is doing gay strip club moves
I wonder if he'll sing that Robin Hood song
that plagued the early 90's
Mopie : hee. I have an ex boyfriend who loved that song.
Weetabix : David?!
Mopie : no, a straight ex boyfriend
Weetabix : paused on Ryan behind the popcorn man
I skipped over the American Idol themepark experience
commercial thingy
with Jordin
Mopie : I am pausing to watch the Jordin commercial
she looks awkward
Weetabix : because you want to find out more information? So that you can go to the theme park?
Mopie : well I love Disney, and I will probably go to Florida because that Harry Potter theme park is opening
.... er... have I said too much?
Cookie and ZZ Top
Weetabix : wait, are you going?
Mopie : I am going, are you going?
Weetabix : pause please?
Mopie : paused
on Cookie singing with ZZ
Weetabix : go!
and also, hot!
Paula is a little too excited
Mopie : I didn't know you had a beard fetish
Weetabix : well, obvs, have you seen my husband?
Mopie : he does not have a ZZ Top beard
Weetabix : but no, I meant the fact that Cook was singing another rock song
Mopie : also Cook is wearing a wallet chain
are you noticing this?
Weetabix : oh yea
and also, I just noticed his tight jeans and his package
for the first time in the entire show, I've noticed his package
it must have been a trick of the light
or the connection between "wallet chain" and "please fuck me now"
Mopie : there is Blake, the douche, to kill my Cook buzz
Weetabix : oh, I wasn't looking. I had turned to examine my bottle of
the 11th Edition
Mopie : ooooooh
how is it?
Weetabix : I'm surprised it's up that high already
it's nice. A crisp nice blend for a warm summer thunderstormy night
some random math teacher in the audience?
Mopie : and now Mikalah is interviewing Cookie's music teacher
who might be a cougar
Weetabix : I'm sorry, if I ever get famous, I seriously hope that they don't interview former teachers
Mopie : the way she's talking about the memories and the flowers and touching her boobs
yeah, likewise
here is Brooke and Graham Nash
Weetabix : I kind of love CSN, though.
I saw them in concert even!
Mopie : hahahaha! I just saw this episode of the Office today, where Michael and Dwight sing "Teach Your Children Well"
Weetabix : ha! is that the Take Your Daughter To Work episode?
Mopie : I hope she has a nice Joni Mitchell type career and never tries to dance again
yes it is!
Weetabix : I'm singing along! I love CSN!
Mopie : I can't get Steve Carell and Rainn Wilson out of my head
Weetabix : we have the box set of masters. I'm such a former hippy kid it's not even funny.
Well, yes, this performance could use Dwight's proficiency on recorder
Mopie : hee. it could. wait, I am rewinding so I can watch the Sex and the City commercial
and then I think Cookie is in his underwear playing a guitar
Weetabix : he is. I posted that commercial on weetapidol already
sometimes Ryan has a look on his face like he just wants someone to kill him
is this the Jonas brothers or something?
Mopie : these are the Jonas Brothers, if rumor is correct
I am now going to learn what they are all about
Weetabix : investigating the Jonas brothers will put you into scary cougar territory
Mopie : oh god, I suddenly know how grownup people felt about New Kids on the Block
Weetabix : yes
Mopie : I am bemused and confused by the squealing
Weetabix : we are grown ups. This part of our brain is dead.
Mopie : although five minutes ago we were ogling Cookie's package, so I'm not going to get too high and mighty here
Weetabix : duly shamed, thank you...was that Leah Remini?
Mopie : I did not see.... I do see Ryan has some random lady in a red pantsuit on the stage
Weetabix : oh no, this is the part when they recap the bad auditions
Mopie : uuuurgghhh
Weetabix : I kind of liked Alexis the glitter lady
Mopie : let's mock the mentally ill!
Weetabix : I don't think all of them are mentally ill, but a good portion of them area
Mopie : oh this poor "let my people go" guy...I like the ones who are far less earnest
I loved when they brought Clay Aiken out to sing with that one guy... was it last season? that's still hilarious to me.
Weetabix : two seasons ago
that was my favorite thing that ever happened on a finale
is this the USC marching band?
oh yes, it is USC
Mopie : so here's a guy in the weird outfit who is singing with a marching band?
looks like Trojan colors to me!
Weetabix : I read that on the cheerleaders' boobs...I guessed by the colors...I don't get the connection between the guy and a marching band
Mopie : me neither...but now Paula is up on the stage, and I think her boobs might fall out
Weetabix : is that why Paula and Randy wore those outfits?...oh, that would be awesome. I hope they do
Mopie : and the Brother guy is still singing! and.. commercial
Weetabix : shit, they cut to commercial
Mopie : that was traumatizing. I need to drink more.


who is "One Republic"? what is "Apologize"?
Weetabix : It's a one hit wonder...it doesn't sound right without the background guy singing "hey! hey! hey!"
Mopie : Zzzzzzzzzz.
Weetabix : even with archie, still zzzzzzz...so...how has your weekend been?
do you know what you're wearing to my birthday party yet?
have you figured out a wardrobe plan?
Mopie : I am wearing awesome boots and an awesome dress! that is my plan...I may need to lose 10 pounds to fit into the awesomeness.
Weetabix : I can't wait to see the dress! I don't know what I'm wearing yet....I have one idea
Mopie : I worry that it's too casual of a dress, but it's dead cute. what's your idea?
Weetabix : I wouldn't be worried. You can pull off anything. I bought this weird knock off dress on ebay that I really like...and it's very boobsome
Mopie : a knock off of what?
Weetabix : also, sort of casual...I don't remember the designer. I found it online before I bought the dress. It's kind of a floral kimono affair
Mopie : interesting! there is Jordin in a gold dress...maybe if I can find that gold dress, I'll wear that to your birthday
Weetabix : oooh, it's super pretty...I'm sure that you could find it although it might be another D&G custom thingy
Mopie : I don't do gold, actually although Jordin is looking very "plus-size model" in that dress
Weetabix : in silver, you would look very cute, though
Mopie : also, zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Weetabix : yeah, actually, I'm not so much on this dress... she's looked much cuter...at least it's not the Air song...which is awful and I keep hearing it on the radio
Mopie : I heard the Elliot song again today...still no "No Air" here.
Weetabix : consider yourself lucky. The No Air song is a herpes on the radio right now.
Mopie : zzzzzzzzzz oh god Jordin you are boring me to tears...get Blake up there to beatbox or something
Weetabix : oh Robert Downey Jr! Ben Stiller!
Mopie : what the hell is going on with this?
Weetabix : Jack Black! this is adorable!
Mopie : wtf?
Weetabix : I love technology!
Mopie : isn't Gladys Knight dead?
Weetabix : I know that RDJ is all fucked up, but I'd do him...and also, no, she's not
Mopie : Robert Downey Jr. is kind of hot...hee...jinx
Weetabix : did you see Iron Man? He's all sorts of hotness in it. Totally V-shaped... his nipples are always erect.
Mopie : I did not, because my husband sucks and does not want to see that OR Indiana Jones
Weetabix : what?
Weetabix : marry a real man! That's just insanity!
Mopie : I need my best friend to move here
Weetabix : I think Captain would divorce me if I refused to go see Indiana Jones
Mopie : Brian was always my popcorn movie buddy
Weetabix : well, coerce him into moving!
Mopie : I'm not sure why Jack Black was just turtling
Weetabix : was he? I missed the turtling...thank god...I'm pretty much only watching RDJ though
Mopie : Jack Black realky threw himself into that performance
Weetabix : it was for charity!
Mopie : here is Carrie! I saw this video. It's a prequel to Before He Cheats"
Weetabix : is it a good one? someone sang it at karaoke last night.
Mopie : it's good when she does it with her crazy outfit and her confidence
Weetabix : I don't know how I feel about brown-eyed blondes.
Mopie : when did Carrie become awesome? god, I am trying to decide. I love brown-eyed blondes, always have.
Weetabix : she still can't buy a personality, though
Mopie : I don't know, I think she's got one now. I'm totally a Carrie convert.
Weetabix : look at the sleeves on that? they are connected in the back
that's just insanity!
Mopie : I decided the other day that my dream is for Carrie to sing "Miss Independent" and for Kelly to sing "Before He Cheats"...that would be my dream finale
Weetabix : oh my god, that might be awesome...by the way, did you vote on that sony poll? Because Clay Aiken has over 50% of the vote. The Claymates are out in full force, it seems
Mopie : the only problem with this song is that it's not very feminist, with the "I married him so of course I will change my last name!" oh, I did not...I do not care about that poll, but if I did vote, it would be for Daughtry or Kelly
Weetabix : oh, it's totally anti-feminist. but Country music is seriously not about women's rights, you know
Mopie : there is Ashley Tisdale, I think!
Weetabix : I voted for Kelly to find out the results... Fantasia had 1 percent...KLC!
Mopie : Faith! awesome song...Ramiele sucks, sorry
Weetabix : now they're all in black. First white, then red, then black. It's a whole metaphor about losing innocence...here she does, yes
Mopie : that is a very "I have a masters degree in literature" thing to say.... Nurse Ratched also sucks
Weetabix : OMG do you think George Michael is going to come out? Jesus, she's awful...someone cut Syesha's mic
Mopie : here are the boys...Aussie is hotting up the stage.
Weetabix : fuck yes
Mopie : the stripper is stripping into the camera.
Weetabix : didn't I voice this earlier? That I wanted AIMP to sing this song?
Mopie : come on, George Michael!
Weetabix : sorry, stripper is anti-sexy
Mopie : Jason Castro looks ridiculous in a suit. Jason Castro is anti-sexy. and also, Archie cannot sing this song.
Weetabix : no, he's a fetus! not a father figure!
Mopie : "I will be your father figure"? "I will be your breacher teacher"? oh shit, David Cook can sing it...oh god, that was hot
Weetabix : damn, it really was...seriously, George Michael, right? any time now?
Mopie : it's gotta be...come on, George Michael!
Weetabix : he's going to descend that staircase, right? because otherwise they are just toying with my emotions
Mopie : they were wise to give Archie the solo in this song, and Cookie the solo in Father Figure.
Weetabix : I may be rewinding that Cook solo later, for my private time
Mopie : someone needs to help Brooke with her awkward arm...me too, my friend. me too.
Weetabix : Brooke always looks like someone interupted her on the way to church
Mopie : I like her though...this is just the wrong venue for her. Syesha, on the other hand, is fantastic
Weetabix : it really is. She would do well at Lillithfair

Mopie : WOO!!!!
Weetabix : come on... right now!.... fuck yeah
Mopie : George Michael for the win!
Weetabix : there's my boy!
Mopie : sing something, GM!
Weetabix : shush, he's got to pose first...hmmm... he's looking a little rough too...like, he needs to moisturize. the neck has creases
Mopie : did you see him on Extras? so awesome.
Weetabix : a cautionary tale for safe sun, folks. no, I never watch Extras. I don't have whatever channel that is on, much to my dismay
Mopie : GM is awesome also. it's on the channel called Netflix.
Weetabix : he's often on that show that Annabeth Chao writes...Elliot something. Not Bat Boy.
Mopie : oh, Eli Stone...on Extras he played "himself" trolling a park for gay sex... very funny.
Weetabix : ok, I was totally off... those are some giant sunglasses on Mr. Michael. and also, Paula was crying?! does she think America's about to vote off George Michael?
or has she again seen the future? and it's not good?
Mopie : hahaha..."America has voted... and the Jonas Brothers have beat George Michael."
Weetabix : ha!
Mopie : he sounds great though
Weetabix : he really does sound fantastic. Exactly like himself circa 1987
Mopie : that was a good year for him... hahaha..."and now.. Andrew Ridgely!"
Weetabix : ha! I'm a little bit drunky now... it was the pain from Nurse Ratched's singing, I think, that drov eme to it
Mopie : I am sad to not be rewinding to David Cook's solo...by the way, my Tivo cuts this off ealry
Weetabix : paused with Ryan and David2
Mopie : I have a YouTube link at the ready
Weetabix : also, Cook is wearing eyeliner
Mopie : "it
I now forget what I was going to type
Paula said something about destiny
Weetabix : hahahaha!
sometimes it's the things that we lose that define us, or something like that
Mopie : Simon is apologizing to David Cook, aww
Weetabix : Simon is now realizing that he was totally wrong
Mopie : and he likes them both... I do too, especially when they duet...I love how they have a British dude with an envelope to convey legitimacy
Weetabix : I like that Ryan is making it a point to show that AI is not responsible for the voting
it's true about the British accent lending legitimacy. I gave $50 to the ACLU because a British lady asked me to today
Mopie : I am nervous, even though I know who wins
Weetabix : I am not nervous because I am not that drunk, apparently
holy shit!
Mopie : my thingy cut off after "David Cook"
yes, I know

Weetabix : right as Ryan was saying THE WINNER IS>>>
seriously, if I didn't know? I'd be PISSED
you could no thave timed that better to cut off
Mopie : I know, that happened to everyone
Weetabix : oh my god, that's a tragedy... GM shouldn't have taken so much time posing...clearly....so do we have any summation comments on the season? good season? Better than last year? worst season ever?
Mopie : wait, aren't you going to watch the end? it's a really good song! you should go watch it!
I already bought it on iTunes
Weetabix : ok! watching it!
Mopie : not a "good song" because of course it's all about magic and rainbows
Weetabix : oh my god, it cut off six minutes?
Mopie : but Cook does a nice job with it
Weetabix : that's a tragedy! that happened to us two years ago too, remember? we paused the live playback and then the Tivo went to live tv and we missed the announcement
aw, Cookie is crying!
Mopie : oh yeah I know!!!!
Weetabix : that's because he really didn't think he won! especially after Simon apologized. It would have seemed like Simon knew that he lost and felt badly about pushing it over the edge.
Mopie : either that or Simon didn't want to look like an idiot proclaiming it a "knockout" for the wrong guy
Weetabix : I think that was really what happened, but from Cook's perspective, it would have seemed like remorse, not ass covering
oh the song really does have "magic rainbow" in it?
Mopie : it really does
Weetabix : you know what it's missing? purple horseshoes and green clovers
Mopie : as for the season, Cookie is definitely my favorite winner since Fantasia
I mean I like Carrie now, but I did not care for her in season four
Weetabix : he's my favorite since Kelly Clarkson, but really, that's not hard
Mopie : well, I loved Fantasia
although post-show, she has not done anything
Weetabix : she's on Broadway, isn't she?
Mopie : yes, but I mean nothing I've been interested in purchasing
Weetabix : yes, and apparently America feels much the same way
Mopie : so I guess I enjoyed the season!
although I still think I liked Daughtry! better than anyone in season six or seven
but season six, I can't rmemeber one person I liked
Weetabix : I agree. Wholeheartedly.
Mopie : so I am going to call season seven a win
Weetabix : I just remember the people I didn't like last season. Like Blake.
Agreed. apparently the odd-numbered seasons are good for me!
Mopie : don't say that... season eight is coming up!
Weetabix : If that's the rule, though, it means that we're going to have a long Weetapidol season starting in January.
And we'll be here for Season 8!
Mopie : WOO!
Weetabix : I'd also like to thank the Weetapidolers for joining us for the last three seasons!
Mopie : yes, it's been awesome
Weetabix : And sticking with us through the eleventy million month hiatus between shows
Mopie : if anyone wants to be notified when we come back, e-mail weetapidol@gmail.com
Weetabix : I smooch every one of them. One their cute noses. And naughty bits.
Maybe that's the wine talking, but still. Naughty bits!
Mopie : I will not make that promise
Weetabix : drink more of the wines
Weetapidol out?
Mopie : oh my gosh, Weetapidol season seven.... out!


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Thursday, May 22, 2008

Cookie in his underpants

This is totally courtesy of Lap, but I so had to share.

Just because I like a man with good thighs, it doesn't make me a cougar, right?

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Final Weetapidol Pool Results!

Our newest Weetapidol Idol is.... (wait for it....)

Congratulations to the people who chose David Cook as the winner: Eden, Shari, and Kim! Both Eden and Shari also had the correct second place finisher... other people who correctly placed Archuleta second were Weet, Shmuel, and Jake. Our front-runner, Kelly S., had Archuleta first and Cookie third. So, not too far off, bringing us to.... the final standings!

138 points FTW, Kelly S! Kelly, send us your address and let us know what Idol merchandise you would like! There's a lot to choose from these days. Congrats on your awesome prognosticating powers!

132 points (a giant tie for second place): Eden, Shary, Stacey, Shmuel, and the Weetapidol Hive Mind

130 points: Kim, Wendi
126 points: Mo Pie
124 points: Jake, Pushca, Xaan
122 points: Martha, Kelly M.
120 points: Carlywei
118 points: Weet
114 points: Gila

Thanks, all, for playing this year! Stay tuned for our finale blog, coming soon!

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Finale Results: David Vs David FTW

Hey! We'll be blogging this too, and also, posting the results of the pool, but until then, post your reactions, shock, awe, etc, here!

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Tuesday, May 20, 2008

David vs. David showdown performances

Weetabix couldn’t stay up late enough to watch Idol tonight due to a deathly cold. So here I am, bravely ‘Pidoling into the darkness, because I figure we should have something down for posterity before the idol is crowned, right? And Weetabix and I will be back to blog her thoughts on the performances, and the finale. In the meantime, Ian is here, and he is willing to try and say some things. He has had half a beer, which means he’s totally and appropriately drunk. And now… here we go.

Ian: Is this part of it? Who’s that man?
P: Tony Bennett?
Ian: No… it’s not Ryan Seacrest?
Pie: This is dumb.
Ian: Are there only two people left?
Pie: Yes, and they’re putting them in boxing outfits.
Ian: Why? Do they always do that?
Pie: No. Where’s Ryan Seacrest? This is weird.
Ian: Maybe the grey-haired guy is Ryan Seacrest of the future.

Pie: There are all the voted off Idols, and Luke Perry.
Ian: There’s Ryan Seacrest of the present day.
Pie: “Who’s out there for Cook?” Me, that’s me!
Ian: The New York Times mentioned that Randy only has four things he says.
Pie: Alan Sepinwall just wrote about how Randy totally should go. Partly because he only says four things.
Ian: So other people have noticed!
Pie: More boxing metaphors? This is so stupid. Is this how they’re trying to make the show better?
Ian: Apparently.
Pie: What’s with the weird lighting on Clive Davis?
Ian: To make him look more human.

Ian: Baby, I really could barely tell these two apart. They’re both named David.
Pie: The Archuleta one is the one who hasn’t hit puberty.
Ian: The people who are text messaging are never going to be able to keep them straight. They can’t even remember 1-866 vs 1-800.
Pie: Hee.
Ian: They already had the coin toss, but they’re showing the coin being held. And now they’re showing soda.
Pie: That’s not just soda, that’s Coca Cola!
Ian: Shh! Hey, they didn’t pay your blog, did they?

Ian: Paula’s advice is that “we’re at the theater.” That’s her feedback.
Pie: Earlier this season, she told Brooke White “you are Brooke White.” Aw, this is cute, the Davids little speeches to each other.
Ian: It’s just like McCain and Obama!
Pie: Which one is McCain and which one is Obama?
Ian: The older one is McCain, obviously. The ethnic one is Obama.

Ian: Who’s the one that used to play guitar? Him?
P: Yes…
Ian: Why doesn’t he get it now?
Pie: He’ll probably play it later. This is a good song. Does he have the lyrics on a teleprompter?? I bet that’s for Archuleta’s benefit.
Ian: I don’t know. I don’t think he has charisma. Sorry.
Pie: Do you like Chris Daughtry better?
Ian: I don’t have an opinion on Chris Daughtry… this guy’s voice is alright.
Pie: That was not as spectacular as I’d hoped. The judges look bored.
Ian: I’m bored.

Ian: Do you know what the judges are like? Goldilocks’s three porridges. One is too nice, one is too mean, and one is just right.
Pie: That’s making Randy “just right.”
Ian: Well none of them is deep.
Pie: This is why they need to replace Randy. They need better porridge. They need a “just right.”

Ian: His song is supposed to be “I’ve got a Lovely Bunch of Coconuts.”
Pie: Clay Aiken sang this song, you know.
Ian: Did he sing the hell out of it?
Pie: Well, yes.
Ian: I think he’d be better if he didn’t look at the camera when he sang… if he looked at the audience. I think it would be better for the viewers at home too.
Pie: I think you’re right, actually. He’s always mooning into the camera.
Ian: Yeah, you get sick of it. If you watch other performers, they don’t do that.
Pie: Now he’s taking your advice!
Ian: I don’t know. Did you hear that finale? It was just like, “how can I end this? OooooOOOooOOhoooohoooaaaah!" He might have a little bit of a sweeter voice than the other guy, but… hey! They brought his dad back! They let him in. The restraining order was temporarily lifted.
Pie: This David is Randy’s favorite.
Ian: Aw, he’s going to cry.
Pie: He’s very “Aw, shucks.” Wow, they all liked it. We must not be drunk enough.
[Paula: "The sun is never going to go down on you."]
Ian: Wait, I need to hear that again!
[We rewind]
Pie: It’s unfair to make little Archuleta sing about going down. Wow, and even Simon liked it.
Ian: Well these are the two best singers left.
Pie: Many seasons we get left with crap.
Ian: I agree with Simon. Round one goes to Archuleta. Though it didn’t bowl me over.
Pie: He’s so cute. He’s so winning.
Ian: He definitely has a more telegenic face. The other guy has too much product in his hair. And he has that weird fake beard going on, like Ryan on The Office.


Ian: Wait, a songwriting contest? For anybody?
Pie: Yes… it’s interesting, letting them pick their own songs. Usually they only pick one, and it only works for one contestant.

Pie: There’s the guitar. And his hair is really sticking up.
Ian: Yes, it is… This song seems better suited to his voice than the U2 song.
Pie: I can’t tell if this is a good song or not.
Ian: That’s not the point… the point is that it showcases his voice.
Pie: And his guitar skills. And his sticky-up hair.
Ian: Hmm. I think that third chorus kind of reminds you that it’s not that good. He should have stuck with just two choruses.
Pie: The songwriter? Or…
Ian: No, Cook. He didn’t have an idea for making the third chorus different… I know a good singer would have done something better with that third chorus. The Beatles could song “She loves you yeah yeah yeah” over and over and make it interesting.
Pie: Oh no, poor David Cook. The title is slipping out of his hands right now.

Pie: This is a perfect Idol song title. Kelly Clarkson’s was “A Moment Like This”
Ian: Oh no… he does not know what to do with his hand. Check out his moves.
Pie: He looks like an animatronic.
Ian: It’s the third “put it on my abdomen” move… oh, there’s the fourth!
Pie: I emjoy “cup hand towards audience.”
Ian: He should stand totally still like Josh Groban.
Pie: Does he have an anchor on his back?
Ian: Yes. An anchor on the front, too.
Pie: He is literally the furthest thing from a pirate I can imagine.
Ian: He has a nice voice, but he doesn’t seem to have the feelings behind it. I mean the song might not have any feelings, but…
Pie: Aw, I think he’s cute.
Ian: There he goes again with the stomach! He’ll probably win.
Pie: Probably. And Brooke and Jason do not look happy about it. Ooh, is that constantine?
Ian: Is Constantine the guy with the hole in this throat?
Pie: No, that’s Anthony. Constantine’s the one who looks like a penis.
Ian: Dreadlocked penis?
Pie: No, that’s Jason.
Ian: Oh.
Pie: I love how Randy is insulting all the songs written for the songwriting competition.
Ian: Where’s the crying girl? Didn’t she get a permanent spot?
Pie: She‘s probably really sad she wasted all her tears on Sanjaya.
Ian: Who’s going to be the American Idol? I think I know.

Ian: This is the perfect song for this show. Collective Soul is the perfect emotional but faceless pop.
Pie: I don’t think this is going to do it for him. He should have sung Billie Jean again. That would have been better.
Ian: Yeah…
Pie: He’s going to have a good Daughtry-like career though.
Ian: There’s already a Daughtry
Pie: He’ll be the version… with hair.
Ian: H33 It’s alright, but… I don’t know.
Pie: Aw, he’s crying! And his brother who is dying of cancer is in the audience.
Ian: They’re giving him the wrap-up speech.
Pie: I think they all like him, but they know it’s not good enough to beat Archuleta. And Simon agrees that he should have sung Billie Jean again.
Ian: That’s exactly what you said!
Pie: It was his high point on the show.
Ian: “Why do something I’ve already done?” That was a dig at David Archuleta.
Pie: The person who sings last always wins.
Ian: It was a coin toss, though!
Pie: I know. We saw the coin!

Pie: And here is where he clinches it. I’m predicting it.
Ian: He’s already sang it once. Now it’s just repeat. It’s a cakewalk!
Pie: Gazing into the camera! Now that you pointed it out, it bothers me every time.
Ian: He’s adding all the notes he likes to sing.
Pie: Has he put his hand on his abdomen?
Ian: Not yet.
Pie: He totally just won. He’s got a beautiful voice, really.
Ian: Yeah.. he just doesn’t have that much emotion behind his voice.
Pie: Well, he’s like twelve years old.
Ian: Yeah, maybe he’ll grow into some.
Pie: Randy is crowning him the winner already. Paula loves him… I bet Simon is going to love him…. Yep! Well, there you have it.
Ian: There is no way the other guy can win.
Pie: No. I thought it was going to be so close…
Ian: I saw some web headline that the other David was favored to win.

Ian: In case we don’t remember? I remember! “The birds sang…
Pie: Well, I think we both agree who’s winning. Any final thoughts?
Ian: No. I think he’s going to win but I don’t think he’s going to have a great career for at least a few years.
Pie: He needs to get rid of his father, for one thing.
Ian: he’s going to be a forgotten winner. Unless he gets into some bizarre drug stuff. Like ODs, and then gets some experience behind his voice.
Pie: I love how you’re wishing an OD on him.
Ian: He needs a rough-and-tumble life experience to give his voice that gravitas that he currently does not have.
Pie: I like them both. Yay, Davids!
Ian: Ryan is like “One of them will win… I don’t know which one!”
Pie: It’s a mystery.
Ian: Ruben Studdard, remember him? He was the winner! Remember him? Remember?
Pie: Are they saying Archuleta is the next Ruben?
Ian: I’M saying…
Pie: Ruben is probably sitting around at home all year, waiting to come on this show. Montage!

[Our TiVo cuts off Ruben, and there is nothing left to say.]


Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Top 3 Pool Results and Standings!

Just as I suspected, I am sunk this week! Er, not that this is all about me or anything. But I had Syesha going 12th, which was a major miscalculation on my part. The winners for the week (Shari, Stacey, and Shmuel*) all placed Syesha fourth---nobody put her any higher than that. You have to admire the girl for getting as far as she did!

*Does it mean anything that the only contestant whose name begins with an S was placed highest by the ONLY THREE Weetapidol pool entrants whose names also begin with an S? Were they BIASED BY THE ALPHABET? Think about it. It just blew my mind.

The other smarty for the week was Eden, by the way, who placed Syesha fifth. The rest of us all assumed she'd be long gone, and the Weetapidol Hive Mind had her at eighth. The new rankings are...

115 points: Kelly S. (her lead has been drastically cut, since she put Syesha in tenth place)
111 points: Shmuel
108 points: Stacey, Weetapidol Hive Mind
106 points: Eden, Shari, Wendy
105 points: Kim
103 points: Mo Pie, Pushca
101 points: Xaan, Martha, Kelly M.
100 points: Jake
98 points: Carlywei
95 points: Weet
92 points: Gila

How did you do this week?

(Also, props to Eden, Wendi, Shari, and the Hive Mind for all predicting the correct top two.)

Top 3: Snoop Dogg's Penis

Weetabix: heeelloooooooOOOooo!
Pie: helloooooooo!!!
I’ve got Ryan making a blow job face
Weetabix: he's making a "I've got cheese!" face, not a blow job face for me
Weetabix: more of a "cheeeeese is delicious!" face
Pie: and he should know, he's the cheesiest!
Weetabix: ha! that he is.
Pie: ok go?
Weetabix: go!
Weetabix: so, let's be frank, I'm totally spoiled already on this
Pie: oh yeah me too… I already updated the spreadsheet and everything
Weetabix: that's right
Pie: but let's face it, that was obvious before this episode even aired
Weetabix: but really, this was foretold by the oracles
Weetabix: jinx
Pie: I cannot believe my beloved demographic theory is dead
Pie: maybe this is the exception that proves the rule!
Weetabix: I know! The producers are onto your demographic theory
Weetabix: and also, I am NOT feeling bad about Saleisha because damn it, she totally screwed over my pool score
Pie: you so don't feel bad you've already forgotten her name
Pie: smell ya later, "Saleshia"
Weetabix: oh, right, Saleisha is the girl who was the Cycle 9 winner of America's Next Top Model… another grassy knoll controversy
Pie: I love how they're pretending winning this show really means something
Weetabix: ha! I know, I think I might even suspect that Daughtry! has become bigger than Kelly Clarkson… which I can hardly believe I'm saying, but it's true
Pie: Saleshia looks pretty though
Weetabix: oooh, yes, I love Saleisha's dress
Weetabix: oh my god, the Utah mayor's mustache!?
Pie: "And So It Goes"
Pie: that song title applies to the mustache too
Weetabix: whoa, Paula's got some trainwreck eye makeup on tonight
Pie: "this will totally exploit the beautiful tambor in your voice"
Weetabix: well, he does have a lovely tambor
Pie: hee
Weetabix: I don't even know this song, do I?
Pie: I don't know it, I don't think
Weetabix: it's kind of goddy
Pie: he sounds pretty on this acapella part… it helps if you don't look at him
Weetabix: this is true. And why, may I ask, do they keep throwing him in a Members Only jacket?
is that back in style?
Weetabix: I'm afraid that his eyebrows are going to jump off his face and make off with some young girl in the audience
Pie: I am stymied, trying to think of something to say about the Members Only jacket
Weetabix: then my job is done
Pie: I can't even move on to the kidnapping eyebrows
Weetabix: So, my verdict on the song is that it was boring, but his voice was really lovely
Pie: I will co-sign that
Weetabix: also, as a bit of trivia, it's 69 degrees in the GRB
Pie: as a bit of trivia, it's 690 degrees in my house
Weetabix: that's because the Bay Area is 100 times better!
Weetabix: oooh, Simon's harshing.
Pie: I like Archibald's skinny tie look
Weetabix: I don't like all the dark colors on the judge's table tonight. It's throwing me off more than the Member's Only jacket
well, you can't wear a big fat tie with that jacket… it HAS to be a skinny tie
Pie: I hate Ryan's burgundy "my dad" tie
Weetabix: heee!
Weetabix: by the way, I used to own a skinny tie and it had piano keys on it.
Pie: ha!
Pie: by the way, Ryan's tie is actually making me agitated
Pie: I think maybe I need to use this wine to wash down a valium
Weetabix: 'wow really? Over a tie? you're going to need another trip to a Farmacia sooner than I'd think
Pie: I know… a 1970s garage sale tie is hardly the worst thing that has been on this show… it's only like sixth worst of the night, even
Pie: behind Paula's eye makeup
Weetabix: and Randall's stormy night shirt
Pie: Randy's bracelets are also on the list

Weetabix: I am paused on Ryan sitting at the judges table. I think I can see Simon's boner.
Pie: and.... go
Pie: and... ew
Weetabix: wow, Paula can read so well off a teleprompter!
Pie: Saleshia is so fakey. "I am now reading this text message totally off the cuff!"
Weetabix: we don't get to see Syesha's hometown mayer?
Weetabix: or mayor even?
Pie: I think Randy might have a little thing for Syesha
Weetabix: perhaps
Pie: SYESHA, "Some Alicia Keys Song"
Weetabix: I have to say, I'll probably like Saleisha's version better than the original. I'm not a fan of Alecia Keys
Pie: looking more carefully at her dress, it's kind of Carol Channing
Pie: if it were short, it would be fierce… right now it's a hot tranny mess
Weetabix: oh my god, it IS! Totally Love Boat dress.
Pie: “soon she’ll be singing another run...”
Weetabix: damn, seriously, if a drag queen wore that? I would be so in love with her.
Weetabix: speaking of, Ru Paul's got a new reality show? Drag Race.
Pie: DRAG RACE! god, how much do I love Ru Paul?!
Weetabix: I know! Ru Paul for President!
Pie: how is it we are not liveblogging that at this very minute?
Weetabix: it's not on yet, but maybe we should! In the off Idol season
Weetabix: I'll bet there's not a lot of market for it
Pie: Probably not.
Weetabix: I have to say, I think there have been better contestants this season than Saleisha… Carly, for instance.
Pie: um. did you catch what Randy just said? he told Syesha she was "standing there at number three"
Pie: maybe he meant "in the top three," but still
Weetabix: ooooh, he did! I didn't catch it, but you're right. That was a total Freudian slip
Pie: and I agree with you about Carly being better than Syesha.. and Aussie in my Pants
Weetabix: her top doesn't quite match the bottom of that dress
Pie: Syesha is half annoying and half charming… fuck it, I don't have to try and figure it out anymore, she's out!
Weetabix: it's like that Brooke silver jumpsuit concoction. Is that in too? Like the fugly jacket?
Pie: god knows

Weetabix: DANE COOK!
Pie: he is also doing the fake text message reading
Weetabix: Plain Jane went to see him! when he was in Kansas
Pie: Dane Cook or David Cook?
Weetabix: David "Dane" Cook
Pie: what was her report?
Weetabix: she didn't report.
Pie: well, poo
Weetabix: I actually applaud the choice of this song… it's kind of awesome
Weetabix: it could be another "Hello" moment
Pie: I am putting Cookie's facial hair on the list of things more upsetting than Ryan's tie
Weetabix: yes, the facial hair situation has taken a drastic turn
Pie: he starts singing and I think... man, he's going to win
Weetabix: oh, definitely. I think so too… but then, he had me at Phantom
Weetabix: the thing is, he's never going to be as sexy as Daughtry! No number of lights can make it so.
Pie: no, that is CERTAINLY true
Pie: I have not had the urge to masturbate to David Cook at any point this season
Weetabix: no, it's the fivehead, I think.
Weetabix: that and he looks like a little boy… unlike Daughtry! who looks like a man. With a wallet chain.
Pie: for me, it's the hair situation
Weetabix: the hair is bad, there's no denying that.
Pie: that performance was very excellent, though
Weetabix: So, I don't know. I didn't think this song was awesome.
Weetabix: but then, I'm getting a little jaded. I want to be blown away every damn time
Pie: Simon is enthusiastically applauding
Weetabix: the performance was a David Cook performance. I just wasn't all that thrilled.
Pie: I liked it more than you did
Weetabix: it's the Jordin Sparks earrings of the night
Weetabix: still, it was my favorite of the trifecta right now
Pie: I like his sexy necklace
Pie: did you see the sexlace?
Weetabix: no! wait! ooooh! I'm intrigued.
Pie: it has sexy links!
Weetabix: it does! Handcuffs! and there's a star hanging off the handcuffs.
Pie: Simon loves Dane Cook… Pie: Simon's blindingly white teeth are disturbing too.... but I would put them below the burgundy tie
with the pink stripes
Weetabix: wow, seriously, the tie?
Weetabix: clearly!
Pie: I need more wine. MORE WINE!

Weetabix: Ryan Raps. Archie has his eyes closed. BIG SURPRISE!
Pie: I just realized David Archuleta is basically a Peanuts character
Weetabix: heee! He is! which one?
Pie: Linus
Weetabix: hmmm. Linus seems too intelligent for Archie
Pie: I don't know this song
Weetabix: yes you do
Pie: I don't even know who Chris Brown is
Weetabix: it's all over the radio
Pie: er.. not here… although I hear DAUGHTRY! on a daily basis
Weetabix: I didn't either, but someone at work pointed it out for me, as she was complaining about how she actually voted for Archie because she was worried about him
Weetabix: we have Daughtry! too
Weetabix: my coworkers listen to some insipid radio
Pie: this is a cute performance! it's different... it makes him feel marketable
Weetabix: sadly, this is not better than the version on the radio right now. That's not saying a lot for him.
Weetabix: it didn't show off his range at all. It just was...meh.
Pie: speaking of radio singles, my jaw dropped when I heard that one single was by Elliot Yamin
Weetabix: I know! Plus, have you seen him? He's no longer Bat Boy! he's... dare I say it... a little hot
Pie: I have not seen him at all..
Weetabix: wow, I kind of agree with Paula. It was a needed change up for him to sing a poppy fast song
Pie: I totally agree
Weetabix: well, Bat Boy is now a Bat Man.
Pie: hahahaha
Pie:Archuleta can be his Robin
Weetabix: oh, he's totally Boy Wonder!
Pie: I am doing a Google Image search for Elliot

Weetabix: Saleisha's showing some leg!
Pie: ooh, Saleshieiaiahahaya is doing Fever! I looooooooooooooooooove this song
Weetabix: and the sparkly dress is much better!
Pie: yeah, she looks cute
Weetabix: those are some good shoes, right there
Pie: I think she is trying too hard at this moment
Pie: I missed the shoes... I am waiting for a glimpse
Weetabix: agreed. Plus, the timing of the song is weird.
Pie: her stupid phone number is covering the shoes
Weetabix: you'll see them eventually
Weetabix: there. they are very mirrory.
Pie: she's focusing so much on her "performance" that the vocals are really lacking
Weetabix: yes, it's very Broadway
Pie: I think Syesha will do fine
Pie: but that performance disappointed me… very "cabaret"
Weetabix: Oh, I'm definitely not worried that she's going to be living under a bridge somewhere
Pie: I hope Simon says "cabaret"
Weetabix: did it disappoint you more or less than the tie?
Pie: less, obviously… the tie is my biggest disappointment
Weetabix: I will buy you a shot in Vegas if he says Caberet
Pie: woo! come on, Simon! say "cabaret"!
Weetabix: wait, I am stupid to bet on something that aired two days ago!
Pie: I didn't cheat.
Pie: WOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! he said cabaret!!!!
Weetabix: HA!
Pie: oh my god PWNED!
Weetabix: that was awesome… we should turn this into a drinking game more often!
Pie: I look forward to my shot
Weetabix: I look forward to buying it for you!
Pie: you can make a prediction about the next round of comments

Pie: Ryan Raps, and Cookie's Biceps
Weetabix: I think Cook's been working out
Weetabix: in the show in my head, Ryan feels that bicep and asks that question
Pie: again, I want to view the show in your head. maybe if you buy me more than one shot, I'll get there
Pie: what's Switchfoot? god, I feel old
Weetabix: Switchfoot is on Karaoke Revolution… I don't think THIS song is on KR, though
Pie: I really wish Ryan were wearing a Mickey Mouse watch
Weetabix: he would have been, if the show were sponsored by Disney
Pie: jrr
Pie: that was a drunky "hee"
Weetabix: oh, do you see how he's got the rose on his guitar fret?
Pie: okay, so Cookie is going to totally do great after this show... this must be the kind of album he's going to make, and it will rule
Weetabix: when I saw Stars in concert? Amy Milan threw me the rose she had in her guitar fret!
Pie: this is great.. he's confident and great.... yay!
Pie: I was yay!-ing that you got the rose
Weetabix: yes, this is awesome. This reminds me a bit of Daughtry!'s version of that one song... um, that one song
Pie: "COUGARS 4 COOK" sign. that is incredibly creepy. "WE OLD LADIES WANT TO FUCK YOU, DAVID COOK"
Weetabix: that's still not as creepy as the 8 year old begging Archie to lick his lips
Pie: it is equal creepiness… they are equally creepy
Weetabix: I love the geek squad sitting in Cook's section
Pie: but I do find these older married women who get really into young stars or fictional couples on tv (Jim and Pam) kind of disturbing

Weetabix: oooooh! Dan Fogelberg!
Pie: oh god, I love this song… I am soooo sorry
Weetabix:I have like, a lot of his songs on my iPod, and I have no shame
Pie: okay good. this song fucking rules.
Weetabix: hell yes it does
Weetabix: next time we road trip, we're totally doing a Fogelberg medley
Pie: I think it was the wedding song for a childhood friend of mine
Weetabix: aw!
Pie: I always have great affection for "first dance" songs that have been at weddings I have attended
Weetabix: that's lovely!
Pie: it is always such a touching moment, really… shoutout to Krista and Greg!
Weetabix: I can imagine!
Pie: hee. he could sing the phone book. "ROBERT SMITH.... ROBERTA SMITH.... ROB SMITH
Weetabix: shit, I didn't make a prediction
Pie: too bad, you missed out on a shot!

Weetabix: paused… ryan in the audience, accosting men from behind
Pie: can I tell you that I am ludicrously excited for the Sex and the City movie?
Pie: also, go.
Weetabix: and Justin Guarini is in the audience!
Weetabix: there's a lot of dancing again apparently
Pie: is he? crap, I missed it!
Weetabix:she's fond of the sequins tonight
Pie: sorry, I was just looking at Snoop Dogg's penis… it is really amazing
Weetabix: what? where is that? I need to see the penis of Snoop Dogg!
Pie: http://fullfrontalfriday.blogspot.com/2008/05/full-frontal-friday_16.html
Pie: so, yes, sequins
Weetabix: wow
Pie: that was my thought. "wow" was my thought.
Weetabix: that man is in the wrong profession
Pie: so, yes, Syesha.... was fine. I don't know.
Weetabix: we're more transfixed by Snoop Dogg's penis than Syesha's performance
Pie: yes, the penis trumps Syesha. sorry, Syesha.
Weetabix: oooooh, Paula harshed… that's the first time that Paula has ever said anything about a contestant's chances of moving on
Pie: Paula actually said "yeah, you're toast."
Weetabix: "Sorry you're coming in 3rd, Saleisha!"
Pie: you made no predictions again … you need to make a prediction about Dane Cook's third song!
Pie: you could have predicted Snoop Dogg would have a giant penis. that would have won you a shot.
Weetabix: I have to listen to the song and have it come organically
Weetabix: like Snoop's penis undoubtedly does
Pie: that’s what she said

Pie: Ian is speculating on the unfairness of the show, because they picked Syesha's song and then blamed her for the bad song
Weetabix: ooooh, Areosmith, interesting… and violins on the stage?
Pie: he has sparkly little eyes, that Dane Cook
Weetabix: that he does
Pie: I do not predict that Paula will point out his sparkly eyes
Pie: (that came out wrong)
Weetabix: drink more wine
Pie: get to the chorus, Cookie!!
Pie: wow, Chris lights!!
Weetabix: totally! plus, all the sudden, a violin went guitar! wait, no, that was Ricky Minor
Weetabix: First Chair Violin guy seems to feel overly important
Pie: he certainly does. stick a cork in it, First Chair Violin. nobody cares.
Weetabix: So, I think Simon is going to say that he's going to be the next American Idol
Pie: I think I'm going to say that… I am now predicting Cookie will pull the upset
Pie: why is Paula talking into her microphone like an auctioneer?
Weetabix: ooooh, I was close
Pie: he said "David Cook wins the night" and that does not count! I will buy you a shot anyway, but only out of love
Weetabix: I know! I almost said that too! I almost was very vague and said something about Simon predicting Cook's victory but then I got cocky
Weetabix:probably because I've still got Snoop Dogg's penis in the lower part of my screen
Pie: yes, I just went back to it
Pie: someone in the comments: "dam i knew there was a reason i loved Snoop. a BIG reason. if he weren't married i'd be jetting down for a roll and a fat sack of the chronic!"

Weetabix: and that's where my tivo left off
Pie: yeah my TiVo cut off too
Pie: so, predictions? hee.
Pie: I guess I am predicting Cookie for the win!
Weetabix: next week, I predict the same
Weetabix: I would be SHOCKED if Archuleta got it, actually
Pie: yeah, poor Archie and his evil stage dad
Weetabix: he'll be ok. Look at Daughtry!
Weetabix: hell, even Pick Pickler's doing ok
Pie: yes, that's Archie. the next Daughtry!
Pie: now Tila Tequila is on… I want some girl-on-girl action
Weetabix: oh god, if that kid pulls out Daughtry!'s magnetism, I'm going to go cougar myself
Weetabix: ok! you go do that! I'm going to continue to browse celebrity penii
Weetabix: Peter Gallagher, a grower not a shower
Pie: enjoy… there is some good stuff in the archives… Yul Brenner, meow!
Weetabix: actually, I'm off to bed, as I'm going to graduate tomorrow

Weetabix: yay! Thanks!
Pie: from all of us here at Weetapidol!!!!
Weetabix: ok, I'm outtie!
Pie: g'nite!
Weetabix: good night to you and Eeen!
Pie: gnite to the Captain! and WEETAPIZZLE OUT!

Wednesday, May 07, 2008

Top 4: Results and Pool Standings

Weet: Oooooh, did you see that there were revisions to the Pool Standings? That was my fault, an error in the fancy spreadsheet that I created to track scores (and also, eliminate potential errors...doh!) so many of you actually have more points than originally reported. Go you!

This here is the placeholder for tonight's results show in which we will most undoubtedly be saying goodbye to Castro's stupid kissy faces. Feel free to post your shock and awe here!

Pie: I'm now taking over this post to update the standings! Kelly S., who I'm starting to believe is psychic, was the only one who put Jason Castro in fourth place, who got a perfect score of 13 points this week, thus continuing her reign of dominance. Wendi and I put him in fifth, and Shmuel put him in third, giving all of us 12 points. The Weetapidol hive mind had him in sixth, as did too many of you to name. The new standings (with correct math, hopefully!) is here:

109 points: Kelly S.
100 points: Weetapidol Hive Mind
99 points: Shmuel and Mo Pie
98 points: Wendi
97 points: Xaan, Kim
96 points: Jake, Stacey
95 points: Eden
94 points: Shari, Carlywei, Pushca
93 points: Martha, Kelly M.
90 points: Weet
85 points: Gila

How did you do this week?

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Bonus: Carly and Aussie In My Pants duet!

Tuesday, May 06, 2008

Top 4: Castrociousness

Pie: I have an image of Seacrest with weird hair… kind of triangularly pointy hair
Weetabix: what the hell! he's got Max Headroom hair… it's not a faux hawk… it's like a schlomohawk
Pie: Jason Castro was making an "I know this is ridiculous" face behind Seacrest
Weetabix: heee! by the way, the girl on the glass bridge is now a Jordin lookalike
Pie: interesting
Weetabix: top 4! how is that possible? what have you done America?
Pie: I know.. the season just whizzed on by, and here are Jason Castro and Syesha, for some reason
Weetabix: Randy is wearing something he pulled out of the backseat of a jumping car on Ventura
Pie: Syesha again looks fabulous. maybe she'll make it to the final two just to add some sex appeal.
Weetabix: wait, was that just Dawson? that was the Vanderbeek!
Pie: I love him now, after he was on How I Met Your Mother
Weetabix: I think he's creepy. And have always thought that… I dream of a David/David finale
Pie: I think the David/David final two is happening
Weetabix: this week, we're learning about this crazy thing the kids today are calling "rock and roll"
Pie: I am so thankful it is being explained to me
Weetabix: we should go to Cleveland and visit the hall of fame! ROAD TRIP!?! is there a presidential library there? I might be able to multitask… Grover Cleveland, perhaps?
Pie: my in-laws live there, and we were there and bored, and Ian still recommended that we not go. but if we can go see Grover Cleveland's presidential library, I'm in.
Weetabix: your in-laws are delightful people
Pie: I have always wanted to name a child Grover

Weetabix: DAVID COOK! Oh fuck me, he's doing Duran Duran
Weetabix: I just came, with the title
Pie: Hungry Like the Awesome!
Weetabix: I'm sad that Esteban isn't here, because this is his favorite 80's song, and then maybe he'd let me have sex with Dane Cook via threesome
Pie: would the threesome be you, Dane Cook, and David Cook?
Weetabix: Oh, fuck, that would be a serious guilty pleasure threesome
Pie: as opposed to the regular, staid, guilt-free threesomes you now enjoy
Weetabix: well, yes, my threesomes tend to be efficient fantasies with legitimate possibililities
Pie: There are too many letters in that word
Weetabix: ooooh, middle idolette? ROCKING that dress
Anyway, that was awesome
Pie: somehow, Cookie is selling the "doo doo doo doos"
Weetabix: his voice is amazing
Pie: yeah that kind of ruled McRuleyville.
Weetabix: and yet, Randy thinks it was just ok?
Pie: it left Paula with a "big appetite," and she enjoys "watching him grow." I think this might be a woman thing.
Weetabix: Sorry, Paula cannot come up with that line on her own.
Pie: she memorized it, I'm sure… or Nigel wrote it on her hand
Weetabix: I enjoy Dane Cook's dog tags
I thought I'd mention that
it's kind of like a wallet chain, but around your neck
I'm sensing a theme

Pie: coming up, Syesha smiles all pageanty!
Weetabix: Syesha is looking AMAZING
Pie: I am embracing the Syesha pageant vibe. she does look amazing, seriously.
Weetabix: see, that's the same color I was raving about a few weeks ago
kind of a champagne color? It's amazing for her
Again with the giant disk earring, though. She's keeping it real, dawg.
Pie: They are like glass peacock earrings
Weetabix: I think I'm going to enjoy this
Pie: Ian: "she's annoying."
Weetabix: I love this song
Pie: why is Syesha suddenly being charming?
Weetabix: especially with legs and stuff
and that dress
the legs=Simon will love it
Pie: her legs definitely measure up against Tina's... and that is quite a compliment
Weetabix: that it is. Tina's have more muscle tone, but Syesha's are up for the requirement.
Pie: and she's dancing.. that's brave
Weetabix: ooooh choreography!
Pie: it didn't quite work, but you can see she's slowly turning into a legitimate performer
Weetabix: yes, you would get winded
Pie: more "doo doo doo doos"… maybe that's what this "rock and roll" thing is all about
Weetabix: um, seriously, I'm getting a serious Beyonce vibe right now
Pie: nice job, Syesha!
she really has a star quality all of a sudden!
Weetabix: seriously, that was awesome!
her audience meter is through the roof!
You can actually see Simon smiling from behind
his cheeks were visible from behind.
Pie: Randy is correct that she's peaking at absolutely the right time, and Paula is right that she's turned into a star
Weetabix: Maybe it will be a Syesha/David finale?
Pie: that's what I said earlier.. scroll back, baby!
Weetabix: yes, she was snoozer until recently. And, I might add, she's totally fucking me over on the pool picks.
Pie: yeah, this is why Shmuel will own us all by the end
Weetabix: Interesting, the legs did not mean that Simon liked it! He called it a bad impression of Tina Turner!
Pie: hmm.
Weetabix: I have chagrin for thinking she'd not even hit the tour
Pie: I share your chagrin
Weetabix: we are chagrin twins
Pie: I also chare your shagrin
Weetabix: ok, drunky
Pie: hee. how did you know?
Weetabix: gee, psychic!

Pie: I have Ryan holding a head on a stick
Weetabix: that is creepy
Pie: is that... Castro?
Weetabix: some kind of voodoo Castro?
Pie: voodoo Castro!!
Weetabix: Carly!
Pie: juxtaposed with Castro to remind us WHO TO BLAME
Pie: you just played into it
Weetabix: Oh my god, I want to fucking smack him
Weetabix: trying desperately to prove that he can do something other than a ballad
Pie: although really, could he ever have left before he got a chance to slaughter Bob Marley and swing his dreadlocks around?
Weetabix: jesus, his family has the Voodoo Castro
Pie: he isn't even singing. this sucks. you are NO BOB MARLEY SIR.
Weetabix: I must say, I really enjoy Bob Marley so maybe I'm biased, but this? SUCKS
like, if this guy were singing at a local bar, I'd still think he sucked.
when he sang "If I am guilty"... it went all kinds of off key
Pie: the guys in the band are playing the instruments and rolling their eyes simultaneously
"I can't believe my saxophone skills have come to this."
Weetabix: heee
Ricky Minor is looking into career counseling
Pie: poor Jason looks like a kicked puppy
Weetabix: Thank you Simon for calling out the Castrociousness
Pie: hahaha! and we have the title of this post, right there!
Weetabix: what does it say on Randy's sleeve?
Sincere? Sincrete? It's going to bug me.
Pie: I will try to get a peek
I think Castro may have taken a Xanax or something.. he looks positively cheerful to be told he sucks.

Pie: oh, Archibald.
it turns out he never really opens his eyes.
Weetabix: Baby Xander tries to convince us that when he was masturbating in his room, it was really him singing
Pie: thank you for that mental image. now *I* need a Xanax.
this is kind of good, though, don't you think?
Weetabix: Concentrate instead on the Middle Idolette, who so far, wins best cleavage of the night
yes, I don't mind this at all
also, I love this song
Pie: yes, she looks awesome, that middle Idolette
Weetabix: ooooh, weird falsetto thing at the end... interesting
Pie: I liked it, actually
Weetabix: It was unexpected. I enjoy watching him blossom into a young man. He's such a mini Timberlake
mark my words!
Pie: I am on Team Archibald right now
Weetabix: wait.. you're team Archie? Not TEAM COOK!?
Pie: no, I am on Team Cook for the win
Weetabix: noted
Pie: just Team Archibald for this particular song
Weetabix: do you think Paula harshed Syesha's mellow because they both are wearing metallic sequins?
Pie: I don't know, but Randy's sleeve? I think it's "Sin City"
Weetabix: hahaaaaa! Simon has not sated his lust for Castro's blood and takes another shot. LOVE IT!

Weetabix: I am enjoying Dane Cook's facial hair situation
Pie: Ian: "his hair is wrong. his facial hair, his top hair. it's all wrong."
Weetabix: IAN IS WRONG!
I will not hear of any more Dane Cook detraction
Pie: okay, Team Cook
Weetabix: except I have to say, I fucking HATE The Who… in fact, I make Esteban fast forward through the intro for CSI because I hate this song so much
Pie: Ian loves this song and says "he's doing a shitty job"
Weetabix: maybe he's making it his own
Pie: this is the theme song to CSI? that is BRILLIANT. he will get bonus votes from CSI viewers, and CSI is like one of the most popular shows!
Weetabix: All of the CSI's have Who songs in the intro
Pie: Ian: "I am not enjoying it."
I am reporting Ian's feelings because I don't know the song and have no feelings about it one way or the other
Weetabix: I love this version of the song
which is saying a LOT because I was braced to hate it
Pie: consider me as occupying the middle ground. now we've covered every part of the spectrum.
Weetabix: how did the performance make you feel as a person? As a music enjoyer? AS A WOMAN!?!
Pie: I was going to type how it made me feel as a woman, but I decided it was too obscene, even for this blog.
Weetabix: I will ponder that deeply in my heart

SYESHA "A Change is Going to Come"
Pie: wow, and again, she looks stunning
Weetabix: Syesha" I went home after the results show and cried my eyes out"... yeah, so did Brooke!
Pie: that dress is a-MAAAAAZING
Weetabix: ooooh, it sure is
Pie: and by "that dress" I mean "her breasts"
Weetabix: you know what it reminds me of? In the draping? The dress that Kiera Knightley wore in Atonement. Only, instead of green, it's tangerine.
yes, the peekaboo window for the boobies is helping her case right now
she should have saved them for next week, when Castro wasn't the obvious easy out
Pie: she is a contender, all of a sudden. how... how did that happen?!
Weetabix: her lips are very glittery
I think it's the boobs. She's the last one with boobs.
Pie: for the first time, I think, she deserves to be in the top four
Weetabix: I wasn't impressed by the song, though. I didn't care about it.
Concur with Randall... it was meh
Pie: I liked it... not as much as Paula, though, who is now in tears and making Syesha cry
nice moment, though
Weetabix: wow, no kidding. Over-emoting much, Paula?
Pie: and yet Simon agrees with Paula. WHERE ARE YOUR TEARS, SIMON?
Weetabix: I agree, though. She's definitely a contender
I could see her bumping Archuleta out
Pie: she sang a civil rights song.... well, fair enough. but boy she is going to get some votes out of that.
Weetabix: I love that Ryan asserted his authority there, plus also did a plug for Hell's Kitchen. That's pretty slick.

Weetabix: Oh my fucking hell.
OH my GOD!
Pie: he seems like a sweet kid, but he is out of his league, given what Syesha has brought to the table
Weetabix: He missed the words
how can you mess up those words?
Pie: hee. was it like "hey Mr. Tangerine Man"?
Weetabix: Mr Tangerine Man?
Pie: you said he messed up the lyrics.. I was speculating..
Weetabix: No, he did like "Will you uh uh uhmmmmm uh you?"
Weetabix: sorry, sometimes I'm a little literal
he actually sounds better than he did in the first song
Pie: yeah it was better, just... he was outclassed
Weetabix: also, why the hell is Carly standing for that?
and they show Carly clapping anemically
Pie: to juxtapose "Do you miss Carly? If so DO NOT VOTE FOR JASON."
Weetabix: maybe they electrified her seat? Or took it away?
oooh, Simon got a little stern there. Yes Daddy.
Pie: Jason keeps mouthing "vote"
still, I can't see anyone else going home

Weetabix: he's got an iPhone
Pie: he is perched on a stool in a very un-sexy way to sing his love song
Weetabix: oh, I don't know about Elvis, kid.
Pie: he has a pretty voice, that Archibald, actually
Weetabix: this performance, though, does not have me entranced
instead, I'm focusing on his eyebrows, which are a MESS
Pie: because you are not a tween girl. if you were, I'm sure you'd be entranced.
Weetabix: perhaps
is Randy on drugs tonight?
Pie: Randy likes how he "caressed each word"
that is kind of pervy
Weetabix: he likes the sucky ones, hates the great stuff, I'm very perplexed
I wouldn't say that Archie crushed the competition
Pie: and Simon said he crushed the competition... yeah I wouldn't say that either
Weetabix: Syesha actually outperformed him
Pie: Cookie was good, Syesha was fantastic
I would call Syesha the best of the night as well
okay, there is no way anyone but Castro is going, right?
Weetabix: so... for the recapo.... I continue with my five week streak of predicting Castro
Pie: wait, isn't there a typical "fourth place shocker boot"? in that case, anyone but Castro will be a shocker.
Weetabix: I was hoping that Brooke was the shocker
Pie: by the time she went, it was not a shock
Weetabix: if Brooke were still in it, I'd say that she would be gone tonight
Pie: hahaha... sure. if Sanjaya were on the show, I'd say he was gone too.
Weetabix: heee! Ok, in my head, it sounded like smart critical analysis and conjecture!
Pie: in reality, it seemed like a random hypothetical.
Weetabix: I predict that one of the four remaining contestants will be eliminated!
Pie: ooh, Ryan just reminded us that Tamyra and Daughtry were both eliminated fourth
Weetabix: oooh, see, yes, those were shocker,s although I never was a Tamyra fan, personally.
I believe she was Kelly and Justin's season.
Pie: I predict that John Stevens is a goner!!
we will not be seeing Constantine next week! I predict!
Weetabix: oh are you kidding? He's in that stupid audience every other week
Pie: yes, I realize now that my prediction has flaws
he has nothing else to do... he probably sits in that studio all week long
Weetabix: but if I were Kelly Pickler, I'd be not planning to perform next week
he's seat filler
Pie: hee! totally.
Weetabix: so... in finality, we both concur that Castro will be kicked off of our screens
although, my prediction of this has been his good luck charm for a long time
Pie: well, I think his luck has run out.
Weetabix: so instead, I will say Archuleta will go
Pie: okay. I predict David Cook SHOCK BOOT HORROR.
Weetabix: but really, stick a fork in Castro
Look, I still really haven't gotten past the PST of watching Daughtry! get the untimely boot.
Pie: okay. it won't happen. shh. shhh. it's okay.
go back to the happy place with the Dane/David threesome
Weetabix: great, who is going to rock me back to sleep tonight when the nightmares come?
right... happy place.. happy place
Pie: okay, Weetapidol out?
Weetabix: Yes, Weetapidol Out (Subtitle: Smell you later, Jason Castro)

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