Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Top 3: Snoop Dogg's Penis

Weetabix: heeelloooooooOOOooo!
Pie: helloooooooo!!!
I’ve got Ryan making a blow job face
Weetabix: he's making a "I've got cheese!" face, not a blow job face for me
Weetabix: more of a "cheeeeese is delicious!" face
Pie: and he should know, he's the cheesiest!
Weetabix: ha! that he is.
Pie: ok go?
Weetabix: go!
Weetabix: so, let's be frank, I'm totally spoiled already on this
Pie: oh yeah me too… I already updated the spreadsheet and everything
Weetabix: that's right
Pie: but let's face it, that was obvious before this episode even aired
Weetabix: but really, this was foretold by the oracles
Weetabix: jinx
Pie: I cannot believe my beloved demographic theory is dead
Pie: maybe this is the exception that proves the rule!
Weetabix: I know! The producers are onto your demographic theory
Weetabix: and also, I am NOT feeling bad about Saleisha because damn it, she totally screwed over my pool score
Pie: you so don't feel bad you've already forgotten her name
Pie: smell ya later, "Saleshia"
Weetabix: oh, right, Saleisha is the girl who was the Cycle 9 winner of America's Next Top Model… another grassy knoll controversy
Pie: I love how they're pretending winning this show really means something
Weetabix: ha! I know, I think I might even suspect that Daughtry! has become bigger than Kelly Clarkson… which I can hardly believe I'm saying, but it's true
Pie: Saleshia looks pretty though
Weetabix: oooh, yes, I love Saleisha's dress
Weetabix: oh my god, the Utah mayor's mustache!?
Pie: "And So It Goes"
Pie: that song title applies to the mustache too
Weetabix: whoa, Paula's got some trainwreck eye makeup on tonight
Pie: "this will totally exploit the beautiful tambor in your voice"
Weetabix: well, he does have a lovely tambor
Pie: hee
Weetabix: I don't even know this song, do I?
Pie: I don't know it, I don't think
Weetabix: it's kind of goddy
Pie: he sounds pretty on this acapella part… it helps if you don't look at him
Weetabix: this is true. And why, may I ask, do they keep throwing him in a Members Only jacket?
is that back in style?
Weetabix: I'm afraid that his eyebrows are going to jump off his face and make off with some young girl in the audience
Pie: I am stymied, trying to think of something to say about the Members Only jacket
Weetabix: then my job is done
Pie: I can't even move on to the kidnapping eyebrows
Weetabix: So, my verdict on the song is that it was boring, but his voice was really lovely
Pie: I will co-sign that
Weetabix: also, as a bit of trivia, it's 69 degrees in the GRB
Pie: as a bit of trivia, it's 690 degrees in my house
Weetabix: that's because the Bay Area is 100 times better!
Weetabix: oooh, Simon's harshing.
Pie: I like Archibald's skinny tie look
Weetabix: I don't like all the dark colors on the judge's table tonight. It's throwing me off more than the Member's Only jacket
well, you can't wear a big fat tie with that jacket… it HAS to be a skinny tie
Pie: I hate Ryan's burgundy "my dad" tie
Weetabix: heee!
Weetabix: by the way, I used to own a skinny tie and it had piano keys on it.
Pie: ha!
Pie: by the way, Ryan's tie is actually making me agitated
Pie: I think maybe I need to use this wine to wash down a valium
Weetabix: 'wow really? Over a tie? you're going to need another trip to a Farmacia sooner than I'd think
Pie: I know… a 1970s garage sale tie is hardly the worst thing that has been on this show… it's only like sixth worst of the night, even
Pie: behind Paula's eye makeup
Weetabix: and Randall's stormy night shirt
Pie: Randy's bracelets are also on the list

Weetabix: I am paused on Ryan sitting at the judges table. I think I can see Simon's boner.
Pie: and.... go
Pie: and... ew
Weetabix: wow, Paula can read so well off a teleprompter!
Pie: Saleshia is so fakey. "I am now reading this text message totally off the cuff!"
Weetabix: we don't get to see Syesha's hometown mayer?
Weetabix: or mayor even?
Pie: I think Randy might have a little thing for Syesha
Weetabix: perhaps
Pie: SYESHA, "Some Alicia Keys Song"
Weetabix: I have to say, I'll probably like Saleisha's version better than the original. I'm not a fan of Alecia Keys
Pie: looking more carefully at her dress, it's kind of Carol Channing
Pie: if it were short, it would be fierce… right now it's a hot tranny mess
Weetabix: oh my god, it IS! Totally Love Boat dress.
Pie: “soon she’ll be singing another run...”
Weetabix: damn, seriously, if a drag queen wore that? I would be so in love with her.
Weetabix: speaking of, Ru Paul's got a new reality show? Drag Race.
Pie: DRAG RACE! god, how much do I love Ru Paul?!
Weetabix: I know! Ru Paul for President!
Pie: how is it we are not liveblogging that at this very minute?
Weetabix: it's not on yet, but maybe we should! In the off Idol season
Weetabix: I'll bet there's not a lot of market for it
Pie: Probably not.
Weetabix: I have to say, I think there have been better contestants this season than Saleisha… Carly, for instance.
Pie: um. did you catch what Randy just said? he told Syesha she was "standing there at number three"
Pie: maybe he meant "in the top three," but still
Weetabix: ooooh, he did! I didn't catch it, but you're right. That was a total Freudian slip
Pie: and I agree with you about Carly being better than Syesha.. and Aussie in my Pants
Weetabix: her top doesn't quite match the bottom of that dress
Pie: Syesha is half annoying and half charming… fuck it, I don't have to try and figure it out anymore, she's out!
Weetabix: it's like that Brooke silver jumpsuit concoction. Is that in too? Like the fugly jacket?
Pie: god knows

Weetabix: DANE COOK!
Pie: he is also doing the fake text message reading
Weetabix: Plain Jane went to see him! when he was in Kansas
Pie: Dane Cook or David Cook?
Weetabix: David "Dane" Cook
Pie: what was her report?
Weetabix: she didn't report.
Pie: well, poo
Weetabix: I actually applaud the choice of this song… it's kind of awesome
Weetabix: it could be another "Hello" moment
Pie: I am putting Cookie's facial hair on the list of things more upsetting than Ryan's tie
Weetabix: yes, the facial hair situation has taken a drastic turn
Pie: he starts singing and I think... man, he's going to win
Weetabix: oh, definitely. I think so too… but then, he had me at Phantom
Weetabix: the thing is, he's never going to be as sexy as Daughtry! No number of lights can make it so.
Pie: no, that is CERTAINLY true
Pie: I have not had the urge to masturbate to David Cook at any point this season
Weetabix: no, it's the fivehead, I think.
Weetabix: that and he looks like a little boy… unlike Daughtry! who looks like a man. With a wallet chain.
Pie: for me, it's the hair situation
Weetabix: the hair is bad, there's no denying that.
Pie: that performance was very excellent, though
Weetabix: So, I don't know. I didn't think this song was awesome.
Weetabix: but then, I'm getting a little jaded. I want to be blown away every damn time
Pie: Simon is enthusiastically applauding
Weetabix: the performance was a David Cook performance. I just wasn't all that thrilled.
Pie: I liked it more than you did
Weetabix: it's the Jordin Sparks earrings of the night
Weetabix: still, it was my favorite of the trifecta right now
Pie: I like his sexy necklace
Pie: did you see the sexlace?
Weetabix: no! wait! ooooh! I'm intrigued.
Pie: it has sexy links!
Weetabix: it does! Handcuffs! and there's a star hanging off the handcuffs.
Pie: Simon loves Dane Cook… Pie: Simon's blindingly white teeth are disturbing too.... but I would put them below the burgundy tie
with the pink stripes
Weetabix: wow, seriously, the tie?
Weetabix: clearly!
Pie: I need more wine. MORE WINE!

Weetabix: Ryan Raps. Archie has his eyes closed. BIG SURPRISE!
Pie: I just realized David Archuleta is basically a Peanuts character
Weetabix: heee! He is! which one?
Pie: Linus
Weetabix: hmmm. Linus seems too intelligent for Archie
Pie: I don't know this song
Weetabix: yes you do
Pie: I don't even know who Chris Brown is
Weetabix: it's all over the radio
Pie: er.. not here… although I hear DAUGHTRY! on a daily basis
Weetabix: I didn't either, but someone at work pointed it out for me, as she was complaining about how she actually voted for Archie because she was worried about him
Weetabix: we have Daughtry! too
Weetabix: my coworkers listen to some insipid radio
Pie: this is a cute performance! it's different... it makes him feel marketable
Weetabix: sadly, this is not better than the version on the radio right now. That's not saying a lot for him.
Weetabix: it didn't show off his range at all. It just was...meh.
Pie: speaking of radio singles, my jaw dropped when I heard that one single was by Elliot Yamin
Weetabix: I know! Plus, have you seen him? He's no longer Bat Boy! he's... dare I say it... a little hot
Pie: I have not seen him at all..
Weetabix: wow, I kind of agree with Paula. It was a needed change up for him to sing a poppy fast song
Pie: I totally agree
Weetabix: well, Bat Boy is now a Bat Man.
Pie: hahahaha
Pie:Archuleta can be his Robin
Weetabix: oh, he's totally Boy Wonder!
Pie: I am doing a Google Image search for Elliot

Weetabix: Saleisha's showing some leg!
Pie: ooh, Saleshieiaiahahaya is doing Fever! I looooooooooooooooooove this song
Weetabix: and the sparkly dress is much better!
Pie: yeah, she looks cute
Weetabix: those are some good shoes, right there
Pie: I think she is trying too hard at this moment
Pie: I missed the shoes... I am waiting for a glimpse
Weetabix: agreed. Plus, the timing of the song is weird.
Pie: her stupid phone number is covering the shoes
Weetabix: you'll see them eventually
Weetabix: there. they are very mirrory.
Pie: she's focusing so much on her "performance" that the vocals are really lacking
Weetabix: yes, it's very Broadway
Pie: I think Syesha will do fine
Pie: but that performance disappointed me… very "cabaret"
Weetabix: Oh, I'm definitely not worried that she's going to be living under a bridge somewhere
Pie: I hope Simon says "cabaret"
Weetabix: did it disappoint you more or less than the tie?
Pie: less, obviously… the tie is my biggest disappointment
Weetabix: I will buy you a shot in Vegas if he says Caberet
Pie: woo! come on, Simon! say "cabaret"!
Weetabix: wait, I am stupid to bet on something that aired two days ago!
Pie: I didn't cheat.
Pie: WOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! he said cabaret!!!!
Weetabix: HA!
Pie: oh my god PWNED!
Weetabix: that was awesome… we should turn this into a drinking game more often!
Pie: I look forward to my shot
Weetabix: I look forward to buying it for you!
Pie: you can make a prediction about the next round of comments

Pie: Ryan Raps, and Cookie's Biceps
Weetabix: I think Cook's been working out
Weetabix: in the show in my head, Ryan feels that bicep and asks that question
Pie: again, I want to view the show in your head. maybe if you buy me more than one shot, I'll get there
Pie: what's Switchfoot? god, I feel old
Weetabix: Switchfoot is on Karaoke Revolution… I don't think THIS song is on KR, though
Pie: I really wish Ryan were wearing a Mickey Mouse watch
Weetabix: he would have been, if the show were sponsored by Disney
Pie: jrr
Pie: that was a drunky "hee"
Weetabix: oh, do you see how he's got the rose on his guitar fret?
Pie: okay, so Cookie is going to totally do great after this show... this must be the kind of album he's going to make, and it will rule
Weetabix: when I saw Stars in concert? Amy Milan threw me the rose she had in her guitar fret!
Pie: this is great.. he's confident and great.... yay!
Pie: I was yay!-ing that you got the rose
Weetabix: yes, this is awesome. This reminds me a bit of Daughtry!'s version of that one song... um, that one song
Pie: "COUGARS 4 COOK" sign. that is incredibly creepy. "WE OLD LADIES WANT TO FUCK YOU, DAVID COOK"
Weetabix: that's still not as creepy as the 8 year old begging Archie to lick his lips
Pie: it is equal creepiness… they are equally creepy
Weetabix: I love the geek squad sitting in Cook's section
Pie: but I do find these older married women who get really into young stars or fictional couples on tv (Jim and Pam) kind of disturbing

Weetabix: oooooh! Dan Fogelberg!
Pie: oh god, I love this song… I am soooo sorry
Weetabix:I have like, a lot of his songs on my iPod, and I have no shame
Pie: okay good. this song fucking rules.
Weetabix: hell yes it does
Weetabix: next time we road trip, we're totally doing a Fogelberg medley
Pie: I think it was the wedding song for a childhood friend of mine
Weetabix: aw!
Pie: I always have great affection for "first dance" songs that have been at weddings I have attended
Weetabix: that's lovely!
Pie: it is always such a touching moment, really… shoutout to Krista and Greg!
Weetabix: I can imagine!
Pie: hee. he could sing the phone book. "ROBERT SMITH.... ROBERTA SMITH.... ROB SMITH
Weetabix: shit, I didn't make a prediction
Pie: too bad, you missed out on a shot!

Weetabix: paused… ryan in the audience, accosting men from behind
Pie: can I tell you that I am ludicrously excited for the Sex and the City movie?
Pie: also, go.
Weetabix: and Justin Guarini is in the audience!
Weetabix: there's a lot of dancing again apparently
Pie: is he? crap, I missed it!
Weetabix:she's fond of the sequins tonight
Pie: sorry, I was just looking at Snoop Dogg's penis… it is really amazing
Weetabix: what? where is that? I need to see the penis of Snoop Dogg!
Pie: so, yes, sequins
Weetabix: wow
Pie: that was my thought. "wow" was my thought.
Weetabix: that man is in the wrong profession
Pie: so, yes, Syesha.... was fine. I don't know.
Weetabix: we're more transfixed by Snoop Dogg's penis than Syesha's performance
Pie: yes, the penis trumps Syesha. sorry, Syesha.
Weetabix: oooooh, Paula harshed… that's the first time that Paula has ever said anything about a contestant's chances of moving on
Pie: Paula actually said "yeah, you're toast."
Weetabix: "Sorry you're coming in 3rd, Saleisha!"
Pie: you made no predictions again … you need to make a prediction about Dane Cook's third song!
Pie: you could have predicted Snoop Dogg would have a giant penis. that would have won you a shot.
Weetabix: I have to listen to the song and have it come organically
Weetabix: like Snoop's penis undoubtedly does
Pie: that’s what she said

Pie: Ian is speculating on the unfairness of the show, because they picked Syesha's song and then blamed her for the bad song
Weetabix: ooooh, Areosmith, interesting… and violins on the stage?
Pie: he has sparkly little eyes, that Dane Cook
Weetabix: that he does
Pie: I do not predict that Paula will point out his sparkly eyes
Pie: (that came out wrong)
Weetabix: drink more wine
Pie: get to the chorus, Cookie!!
Pie: wow, Chris lights!!
Weetabix: totally! plus, all the sudden, a violin went guitar! wait, no, that was Ricky Minor
Weetabix: First Chair Violin guy seems to feel overly important
Pie: he certainly does. stick a cork in it, First Chair Violin. nobody cares.
Weetabix: So, I think Simon is going to say that he's going to be the next American Idol
Pie: I think I'm going to say that… I am now predicting Cookie will pull the upset
Pie: why is Paula talking into her microphone like an auctioneer?
Weetabix: ooooh, I was close
Pie: he said "David Cook wins the night" and that does not count! I will buy you a shot anyway, but only out of love
Weetabix: I know! I almost said that too! I almost was very vague and said something about Simon predicting Cook's victory but then I got cocky
Weetabix:probably because I've still got Snoop Dogg's penis in the lower part of my screen
Pie: yes, I just went back to it
Pie: someone in the comments: "dam i knew there was a reason i loved Snoop. a BIG reason. if he weren't married i'd be jetting down for a roll and a fat sack of the chronic!"

Weetabix: and that's where my tivo left off
Pie: yeah my TiVo cut off too
Pie: so, predictions? hee.
Pie: I guess I am predicting Cookie for the win!
Weetabix: next week, I predict the same
Weetabix: I would be SHOCKED if Archuleta got it, actually
Pie: yeah, poor Archie and his evil stage dad
Weetabix: he'll be ok. Look at Daughtry!
Weetabix: hell, even Pick Pickler's doing ok
Pie: yes, that's Archie. the next Daughtry!
Pie: now Tila Tequila is on… I want some girl-on-girl action
Weetabix: oh god, if that kid pulls out Daughtry!'s magnetism, I'm going to go cougar myself
Weetabix: ok! you go do that! I'm going to continue to browse celebrity penii
Weetabix: Peter Gallagher, a grower not a shower
Pie: enjoy… there is some good stuff in the archives… Yul Brenner, meow!
Weetabix: actually, I'm off to bed, as I'm going to graduate tomorrow

Weetabix: yay! Thanks!
Pie: from all of us here at Weetapidol!!!!
Weetabix: ok, I'm outtie!
Pie: g'nite!
Weetabix: good night to you and Eeen!
Pie: gnite to the Captain! and WEETAPIZZLE OUT!


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Woo! I've been waiting for the placeholder! ;)

Here are my observations:

1. Paula's top looked like those shiny black rocks you see in fish tanks. *laughs* The bottom was very star treky

2. Syesha and the chair dancing!? Wth? Her performances were my favorite from her all season, but I agree with Simon, not enough to make final 2. I think she is trying to distract us with all that sequin and shimmery skin.

3. Archie's Dad was banned from back stage! (check out for details) You can see him in the crowd all teary. Lame-o. I thought Archie's songs were kind of boring actually.

4. DAVID COOK! I thought Simon was trying to throw him under the bus with that song but he pulled it off. I was soo welled up in the eyes. Is it me or is he getting a little more sexay each week? It's funny, but he's almost trying to do the Constantine stare in the camera.

5. 1st season clown boy Justin (however you spell his ridiculous name) was in the audience. Anyone catch that?

I voted for Cookie for 1 hr. 20 mins. straight. His line was constantly busy--all 3 of them! I think I voted maybe a total of 4 times and gave up.


1:04 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home