Top 3: Snoop Dogg's Penis

Weetabix: heeelloooooooOOOooo!
Pie: helloooooooo!!!
I’ve got Ryan making a blow job face
Weetabix: he's making a "I've got cheese!" face, not a blow job face for me
Weetabix: more of a "cheeeeese is delicious!" face
Pie: and he should know, he's the cheesiest!
Weetabix: ha! that he is.
Pie: ok go?
Weetabix: go!
Weetabix: so, let's be frank, I'm totally spoiled already on this
Pie: oh yeah me too… I already updated the spreadsheet and everything
Weetabix: that's right
Pie: but let's face it, that was obvious before this episode even aired
Weetabix: but really, this was foretold by the oracles
Weetabix: jinx
Pie: I cannot believe my beloved demographic theory is dead
Pie: maybe this is the exception that proves the rule!
Weetabix: I know! The producers are onto your demographic theory
Weetabix: and also, I am NOT feeling bad about Saleisha because damn it, she totally screwed over my pool score
Pie: you so don't feel bad you've already forgotten her name
Pie: smell ya later, "Saleshia"
Weetabix: oh, right, Saleisha is the girl who was the Cycle 9 winner of America's Next Top Model… another grassy knoll controversy
Pie: I love how they're pretending winning this show really means something
Pie:cough-DAUGHTRY!-cough
Weetabix: ha! I know, I think I might even suspect that Daughtry! has become bigger than Kelly Clarkson… which I can hardly believe I'm saying, but it's true
Pie: Saleshia looks pretty though
Weetabix: oooh, yes, I love Saleisha's dress
Pie: ARCHIBALD'S HOMETOWN VISIT
Weetabix: oh my god, the Utah mayor's mustache!?
Weetabix: is the BEST FUCKING THING IN THE WORLD!
Pie: "And So It Goes"
Pie: that song title applies to the mustache too
Weetabix: whoa, Paula's got some trainwreck eye makeup on tonight
Pie: "this will totally exploit the beautiful tambor in your voice"
Weetabix: well, he does have a lovely tambor
Pie: hee
Weetabix: I don't even know this song, do I?
Pie: I don't know it, I don't think
Weetabix: it's kind of goddy
Pie: he sounds pretty on this acapella part… it helps if you don't look at him
Weetabix: this is true. And why, may I ask, do they keep throwing him in a Members Only jacket?
is that back in style?
Weetabix: I'm afraid that his eyebrows are going to jump off his face and make off with some young girl in the audience
Pie: I am stymied, trying to think of something to say about the Members Only jacket
Weetabix: then my job is done
Pie: I can't even move on to the kidnapping eyebrows
Weetabix: So, my verdict on the song is that it was boring, but his voice was really lovely
Pie: I will co-sign that
Weetabix: also, as a bit of trivia, it's 69 degrees in the GRB
Pie: as a bit of trivia, it's 690 degrees in my house
Weetabix: that's because the Bay Area is 100 times better!
Weetabix: oooh, Simon's harshing.
Pie: I like Archibald's skinny tie look
Weetabix: I don't like all the dark colors on the judge's table tonight. It's throwing me off more than the Member's Only jacket
well, you can't wear a big fat tie with that jacket… it HAS to be a skinny tie
Pie: I hate Ryan's burgundy "my dad" tie
Weetabix: heee!
Weetabix: by the way, I used to own a skinny tie and it had piano keys on it.
Pie: ha!
Pie: by the way, Ryan's tie is actually making me agitated
Pie: I think maybe I need to use this wine to wash down a valium
Weetabix: 'wow really? Over a tie? you're going to need another trip to a Farmacia sooner than I'd think
Pie: I know… a 1970s garage sale tie is hardly the worst thing that has been on this show… it's only like sixth worst of the night, even
Pie: behind Paula's eye makeup
Weetabix: and Randall's stormy night shirt
Pie: Randy's bracelets are also on the list

Weetabix: I am paused on Ryan sitting at the judges table. I think I can see Simon's boner.
Pie: and.... go
Pie: and... ew
Weetabix: wow, Paula can read so well off a teleprompter!
Pie: Saleshia is so fakey. "I am now reading this text message totally off the cuff!"
Weetabix: we don't get to see Syesha's hometown mayer?
Weetabix: or mayor even?
Pie: I think Randy might have a little thing for Syesha
Weetabix: perhaps
Pie: SYESHA, "Some Alicia Keys Song"
Weetabix: I have to say, I'll probably like Saleisha's version better than the original. I'm not a fan of Alecia Keys
Pie: looking more carefully at her dress, it's kind of Carol Channing
Pie: if it were short, it would be fierce… right now it's a hot tranny mess
Weetabix: oh my god, it IS! Totally Love Boat dress.
Pie: “soon she’ll be singing another run...”
Weetabix: damn, seriously, if a drag queen wore that? I would be so in love with her.
Weetabix: speaking of, Ru Paul's got a new reality show? Drag Race.
Pie: DRAG RACE! god, how much do I love Ru Paul?!
Weetabix: I know! Ru Paul for President!
Pie: how is it we are not liveblogging that at this very minute?
Weetabix: it's not on yet, but maybe we should! In the off Idol season
Weetabix: I'll bet there's not a lot of market for it
Pie: Probably not.
Weetabix: I have to say, I think there have been better contestants this season than Saleisha… Carly, for instance.
Pie: um. did you catch what Randy just said? he told Syesha she was "standing there at number three"
Pie: maybe he meant "in the top three," but still
Weetabix: ooooh, he did! I didn't catch it, but you're right. That was a total Freudian slip
Pie: and I agree with you about Carly being better than Syesha.. and Aussie in my Pants
Weetabix: her top doesn't quite match the bottom of that dress
Pie: Syesha is half annoying and half charming… fuck it, I don't have to try and figure it out anymore, she's out!
Weetabix: it's like that Brooke silver jumpsuit concoction. Is that in too? Like the fugly jacket?
Pie: god knows

Weetabix: DANE COOK!
Pie: he is also doing the fake text message reading
Weetabix: Plain Jane went to see him! when he was in Kansas
Pie: Dane Cook or David Cook?
Weetabix: David "Dane" Cook
Pie: what was her report?
Weetabix: she didn't report.
Pie: well, poo
Weetabix: I actually applaud the choice of this song… it's kind of awesome
Weetabix: it could be another "Hello" moment
Pie: I am putting Cookie's facial hair on the list of things more upsetting than Ryan's tie
Weetabix: yes, the facial hair situation has taken a drastic turn
Pie: he starts singing and I think... man, he's going to win
Weetabix: oh, definitely. I think so too… but then, he had me at Phantom
Weetabix: the thing is, he's never going to be as sexy as Daughtry! No number of lights can make it so.
Pie: no, that is CERTAINLY true
Pie: I have not had the urge to masturbate to David Cook at any point this season
Weetabix: no, it's the fivehead, I think.
Weetabix: that and he looks like a little boy… unlike Daughtry! who looks like a man. With a wallet chain.
Pie: for me, it's the hair situation
Weetabix: the hair is bad, there's no denying that.
Pie: that performance was very excellent, though
Weetabix: So, I don't know. I didn't think this song was awesome.
Weetabix: but then, I'm getting a little jaded. I want to be blown away every damn time
Pie: Simon is enthusiastically applauding
Weetabix: the performance was a David Cook performance. I just wasn't all that thrilled.
Pie: I liked it more than you did
Weetabix: it's the Jordin Sparks earrings of the night
Weetabix: still, it was my favorite of the trifecta right now
Pie: I like his sexy necklace
Pie: did you see the sexlace?
Weetabix: no! wait! ooooh! I'm intrigued.
Pie: it has sexy links!
Weetabix: it does! Handcuffs! and there's a star hanging off the handcuffs.
Pie: Simon loves Dane Cook… Pie: Simon's blindingly white teeth are disturbing too.... but I would put them below the burgundy tie
with the pink stripes
Weetabix: wow, seriously, the tie?
Pie: WHICH STILL BOTHERS ME
Weetabix: clearly!
Pie: I need more wine. MORE WINE!


Weetabix: Ryan Raps. Archie has his eyes closed. BIG SURPRISE!
Pie: I just realized David Archuleta is basically a Peanuts character
Weetabix: heee! He is! which one?
Pie: Linus
Weetabix: hmmm. Linus seems too intelligent for Archie
Pie: I don't know this song
Weetabix: yes you do
Pie: I don't even know who Chris Brown is
Weetabix: it's all over the radio
Pie: er.. not here… although I hear DAUGHTRY! on a daily basis
Weetabix: I didn't either, but someone at work pointed it out for me, as she was complaining about how she actually voted for Archie because she was worried about him
Weetabix: we have Daughtry! too
Weetabix: my coworkers listen to some insipid radio
Pie: this is a cute performance! it's different... it makes him feel marketable
Weetabix: sadly, this is not better than the version on the radio right now. That's not saying a lot for him.
Weetabix: it didn't show off his range at all. It just was...meh.
Pie: speaking of radio singles, my jaw dropped when I heard that one single was by Elliot Yamin
Weetabix: I know! Plus, have you seen him? He's no longer Bat Boy! he's... dare I say it... a little hot
Pie: I have not seen him at all..
Weetabix: wow, I kind of agree with Paula. It was a needed change up for him to sing a poppy fast song
Pie: I totally agree
Weetabix: well, Bat Boy is now a Bat Man.
Pie: hahahaha
Pie:Archuleta can be his Robin
Weetabix: oh, he's totally Boy Wonder!
Pie: I am doing a Google Image search for Elliot

SYESHA
Weetabix: Saleisha's showing some leg!
Pie: ooh, Saleshieiaiahahaya is doing Fever! I looooooooooooooooooove this song
Weetabix: and the sparkly dress is much better!
Pie: yeah, she looks cute
Weetabix: those are some good shoes, right there
Pie: I think she is trying too hard at this moment
Pie: I missed the shoes... I am waiting for a glimpse
Weetabix: agreed. Plus, the timing of the song is weird.
Pie: her stupid phone number is covering the shoes
Weetabix: you'll see them eventually
Pie: oh, NICE SHOES
Weetabix: there. they are very mirrory.
Pie: she's focusing so much on her "performance" that the vocals are really lacking
Weetabix: yes, it's very Broadway
Pie: I think Syesha will do fine
Pie: but that performance disappointed me… very "cabaret"
Weetabix: Oh, I'm definitely not worried that she's going to be living under a bridge somewhere
Pie: I hope Simon says "cabaret"
Weetabix: did it disappoint you more or less than the tie?
Pie: less, obviously… the tie is my biggest disappointment
Weetabix: I will buy you a shot in Vegas if he says Caberet
Pie: woo! come on, Simon! say "cabaret"!
Weetabix: wait, I am stupid to bet on something that aired two days ago!
Pie: I didn't cheat.
Pie: WOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! he said cabaret!!!!
Weetabix: HA!
Pie: oh my god PWNED!
Weetabix: that was awesome… we should turn this into a drinking game more often!
Pie: I look forward to my shot
Weetabix: I look forward to buying it for you!
Pie: you can make a prediction about the next round of comments


Pie: Ryan Raps, and Cookie's Biceps
Weetabix: I think Cook's been working out
Weetabix: in the show in my head, Ryan feels that bicep and asks that question
Pie: again, I want to view the show in your head. maybe if you buy me more than one shot, I'll get there
Pie: what's Switchfoot? god, I feel old
Weetabix: Switchfoot is on Karaoke Revolution… I don't think THIS song is on KR, though
Pie: I really wish Ryan were wearing a Mickey Mouse watch
Weetabix: he would have been, if the show were sponsored by Disney
Pie: jrr
Pie: that was a drunky "hee"
Weetabix: oh, do you see how he's got the rose on his guitar fret?
Pie: okay, so Cookie is going to totally do great after this show... this must be the kind of album he's going to make, and it will rule
Weetabix: when I saw Stars in concert? Amy Milan threw me the rose she had in her guitar fret!
Pie: this is great.. he's confident and great.... yay!
Pie: I was yay!-ing that you got the rose
Weetabix: yes, this is awesome. This reminds me a bit of Daughtry!'s version of that one song... um, that one song
Pie: "COUGARS 4 COOK" sign. that is incredibly creepy. "WE OLD LADIES WANT TO FUCK YOU, DAVID COOK"
Weetabix: that's still not as creepy as the 8 year old begging Archie to lick his lips
Pie: it is equal creepiness… they are equally creepy
Weetabix: I love the geek squad sitting in Cook's section
Pie: but I do find these older married women who get really into young stars or fictional couples on tv (Jim and Pam) kind of disturbing

ARCHIBALD
Weetabix: oooooh! Dan Fogelberg!
Pie: oh god, I love this song… I am soooo sorry
Weetabix: I FUCKING LOVE FOGELBERG!
Weetabix:I have like, a lot of his songs on my iPod, and I have no shame
Pie: okay good. this song fucking rules.
Weetabix: hell yes it does
Weetabix: next time we road trip, we're totally doing a Fogelberg medley
Pie: I think it was the wedding song for a childhood friend of mine
Weetabix: aw!
Pie: I always have great affection for "first dance" songs that have been at weddings I have attended
Weetabix: that's lovely!
Pie: it is always such a touching moment, really… shoutout to Krista and Greg!
Weetabix: I can imagine!
Pie: hee. he could sing the phone book. "ROBERT SMITH.... ROBERTA SMITH.... ROB SMITH
Weetabix: shit, I didn't make a prediction
Pie: too bad, you missed out on a shot!


Weetabix: paused… ryan in the audience, accosting men from behind
Pie: can I tell you that I am ludicrously excited for the Sex and the City movie?
Pie: also, go.
Weetabix: and Justin Guarini is in the audience!
Weetabix: there's a lot of dancing again apparently
Pie: is he? crap, I missed it!
Weetabix: SYESHA MERCADO
Weetabix:she's fond of the sequins tonight
Pie: sorry, I was just looking at Snoop Dogg's penis… it is really amazing
Weetabix: what? where is that? I need to see the penis of Snoop Dogg!
Pie: http://fullfrontalfriday.blogspot.com/2008/05/full-frontal-friday_16.html
Pie: so, yes, sequins
Weetabix: wow
Pie: that was my thought. "wow" was my thought.
Weetabix: that man is in the wrong profession
[Pause]
Pie: so, yes, Syesha.... was fine. I don't know.
Weetabix: we're more transfixed by Snoop Dogg's penis than Syesha's performance
Pie: yes, the penis trumps Syesha. sorry, Syesha.
Weetabix: oooooh, Paula harshed… that's the first time that Paula has ever said anything about a contestant's chances of moving on
Pie: Paula actually said "yeah, you're toast."
Weetabix: "Sorry you're coming in 3rd, Saleisha!"
Pie: you made no predictions again … you need to make a prediction about Dane Cook's third song!
Pie: you could have predicted Snoop Dogg would have a giant penis. that would have won you a shot.
Weetabix: I have to listen to the song and have it come organically
Weetabix: like Snoop's penis undoubtedly does
Pie: that’s what she said

Pie: Ian is speculating on the unfairness of the show, because they picked Syesha's song and then blamed her for the bad song
Dane Cook, AEROSMITH
Weetabix: ooooh, Areosmith, interesting… and violins on the stage?
Pie: he has sparkly little eyes, that Dane Cook
Weetabix: that he does
Pie: I do not predict that Paula will point out his sparkly eyes
Pie: (that came out wrong)
Weetabix: drink more wine
Pie: get to the chorus, Cookie!!
Pie: wow, Chris lights!!
Weetabix: totally! plus, all the sudden, a violin went guitar! wait, no, that was Ricky Minor
Weetabix: First Chair Violin guy seems to feel overly important
Pie: he certainly does. stick a cork in it, First Chair Violin. nobody cares.
Weetabix: So, I think Simon is going to say that he's going to be the next American Idol
Pie: I think I'm going to say that… I am now predicting Cookie will pull the upset
Pie: why is Paula talking into her microphone like an auctioneer?
Weetabix: ooooh, I was close
Pie: he said "David Cook wins the night" and that does not count! I will buy you a shot anyway, but only out of love
Weetabix: I know! I almost said that too! I almost was very vague and said something about Simon predicting Cook's victory but then I got cocky
Weetabix:probably because I've still got Snoop Dogg's penis in the lower part of my screen
Pie: yes, I just went back to it
Pie: someone in the comments: "dam i knew there was a reason i loved Snoop. a BIG reason. if he weren't married i'd be jetting down for a roll and a fat sack of the chronic!"

Weetabix: and that's where my tivo left off
Pie: yeah my TiVo cut off too
Pie: so, predictions? hee.
Pie: I guess I am predicting Cookie for the win!
Weetabix: next week, I predict the same
Weetabix: I would be SHOCKED if Archuleta got it, actually
Pie: yeah, poor Archie and his evil stage dad
Weetabix: he'll be ok. Look at Daughtry!
Weetabix: hell, even Pick Pickler's doing ok
Pie: yes, that's Archie. the next Daughtry!
Pie: now Tila Tequila is on… I want some girl-on-girl action
Weetabix: oh god, if that kid pulls out Daughtry!'s magnetism, I'm going to go cougar myself
Weetabix: ok! you go do that! I'm going to continue to browse celebrity penii
Weetabix: Peter Gallagher, a grower not a shower
Pie: enjoy… there is some good stuff in the archives… Yul Brenner, meow!
Weetabix: actually, I'm off to bed, as I'm going to graduate tomorrow

Pie: HAPPY GRADUATION!!!!!
Weetabix: yay! Thanks!
Pie: from all of us here at Weetapidol!!!!
Weetabix: ok, I'm outtie!
Pie: g'nite!
Weetabix: good night to you and Eeen!
Pie: gnite to the Captain! and WEETAPIZZLE OUT!