Top 5: Results and Pool Standings FIXED!

Brooke is out fifth, and my Weetapidol pool strategy has been shattered. Thanks a lot, SYESHA. Of course, our whiz kid Kelly S. correctly pegged Brooke as a fifth placer, as did Kim, last year's winner. The Weetapidol Hive Mind had her as fourth, as did Kelly M., Martha, and Eden. The updated standings are:

96 points: Kelly S. (Damn, woman.)
89 points: Weetapidol Hive Mind (We're awesome.)
87 points: Shmuel, Mo Pie (Shmuel is much better positioned than I am to surge ahead, so I'm going to enjoy the tie while I can.)
86 points: Kim, Xaan, Wendi (Nice leap upward there, Kim!)
85 points: Jake, Stacey, Shari
84 points: Eden
83 points: Carlywei, Martha, Pushca
82 points: Weet,Kelly M.
76 points: Gila

So, how did you do this week?

Top 5: Freebirding the Liveblog

Weetabix : bear with me.. oy vey…stupid wireless thingy!
MoPie : well, at least we have YouTube… god bless America
Weetabix : what did we do before the internet? In our covered wagons and such?
MoPie : I will describe what happens between the performances. first, Ryan is asking if anyone is going to have a nervous breakdown, BROOKE. it was a dark time.
Weetabix : it really really was
MoPie : okay, the bridge, the roo rrrrooo, the opening credits
Weetabix : ok while you are narrating, can I just say that this has been the best Idol season for me so far…. even without DAUGHTRY!
MoPie : Ryan strides out upon the stage, and everyone waves to Carly, WHO WAS GOING TO SING SWEET CAROLINE TONIGHT.
Weetabix : it's like the producers are reading my freaking mind with the mentors…oh Carly
MoPie : yes, season five sucked, DAUGTRY! notwithstanding
Weetabix : that is very sad
MoPie : are you a Neil Diamond fan? wow, we're down to the top five? Seriously?
Weetabix : between the Pick!Pickler and the Bucky and the creepy claw-handed Taylor, yes
MoPie : Syesha has straightened out her hair into waves.
Weetabix : seriously, Top FIVE! interesting hair choice
MoPie : Brooke is wearing something Unfortunate… now there is a Neil Diamond montage
Weetabix : which I will undoubtedly see in a bit, when I use the magicks of the internets…please, inform American who Neil Fucking Diamond is… I heart Neil, let me just say right now… in case that wasn't obvious
MoPie : Diamond is meeting the Idols and they all look impressed except Syesha, who looks like she has no idea who he is
Weetabix : at this point, if American Idol producers throw me a bone with an Abba week, then my ideal Idol Bingo Card will be complete
MoPie : I am really hoping Cookie sings Sweet Caroline, and "makes it his own"…. oh god, Abba week would be awesome.
Weetabix : I heard that Archie's doing it…or rather, saw it as I rolled down the list of videos
MoPie : Archie is going to do something not interesting

JASON CASTRO, "FOREVER IN BLUE JEANS"

Weetabix : I know, I fear for it
MoPie : do you have the montage?
Weetabix : I do
MoPie : I like Archie but I doubt he'll "mix it up"? I don't know why there was a question mark there. DELETE QUESTION MARK. hee.
Weetabix : I would enjoy Dane Cook doing something crazy and emo with Sweet Caroline by the way
MoPie : Jason Castro is playing his guitar and making stupid faces
Weetabix : oh, I love Forever in Blue Jeans… and now Castro is going to have an abortion, right there on the stage…
MoPie : I don't know this song, in fact
Weetabix : you are too young… I think we have met our generation gap, the thing that defines our age difference of four years
MoPie : this is an awesome song, I can already tell because it is awesome in spite of who is singing it… he's actually not terrible if you avert your eyes from him
Weetabix : it is. I would say it's in my top 10 favorite ND songs…except for that creaky Peter Brady note when he sang "at my side"
MoPie : his caterpillar eyebrows, his weird faces, his HAIR for the love of god. it is his appearance that bothers me
Weetabix : oh, did you notice? HE'S WEARING BLUE JEANS!
MoPie : I want Neil Diamond to come out and sing this song
Weetabix : I do too! It's awesome when he sings it!
MoPie : please tell me he and Clay Aiken are dueting on "Solitaire" tomorrow night
Weetabix : oh dear
MoPie : no judging until after the second song.
Weetabix : weird

DAVID COOK, "I'M ALIVE"

MoPie : I am on Ryan Raps
Weetabix : go!
MoPie : and Ryan is talking about carpooling with his mom… and singing Neil Diamond songs into his hairbrush
Weetabix : I don't know this song
MoPie : David Cook kind of has a Neil Diamond quality to his voice
Weetabix : I agree. He's going to be good. This is my prediction!
MoPie : I think we are as one.
Weetabix : and also, playing his hot guitar… I don't know if I know this song but I do not approve of his strange blazer situation
MoPie : I enjoy the blazer situation
Weetabix : he does definitely sound a bit like Neil Diamond when he sings "it's all right!"
MoPie : now that Carly's gone, I'm rooting for Cookie
Weetabix : well, duh
MoPie : this performance awesomes. "awesomes": now a verb. take a memo.
Weetabix : the audience had Chris Lights… noted. I don't know if I felt that awesomed, but I enjoyed it! I probably won't be buying it on iTunes, though

BROOKE WHITE, "I'M A BELIEVER"

MoPie : she's talking about how she's playing both guitar and piano tonight
Weetabix : I'm a fan of both of her songs!
MoPie : and wearing a very cute blue dress, as opposed to her Unfortunateness.
Weetabix : I'm a Believer, of course, made popular as sung by Mickey Dolenz of the Monkees…actually, that would also be a good week. Monkees week
MoPie : aah, there it is. the Unfortunate outfit, and the fact that she kind of sounds like shit.
Weetabix : Hmmm... I really do not approve of the whatever the hell it is she's wearing
MoPie : what happened, Brooke? you would approve even less if half of it wasn't covered by the guitar.
Weetabix : and also, I think this song is too big for her… which I never thought I'd throw out a Randy-ism, but it's true
MoPie : has she sung anything without an instrument? it might help. plus, she looks so nervous all the time.
Weetabix : she's still hurting from the Evita thing last week …is the microphone unnaturally large this week? it seems like it's covering half of her head…
MoPie : yeah, now that you say that.... if she were really hurting, she would have LAID OFF THE SILVER PANTS.
Weetabix : ha! Seriously, she can't do fast songs, I think… she coasts on her vulnerability

ARCHIBALD, "SWEET CAROLINE"

MoPie : Archie is singing the two most cheesy possible songs
Weetabix : I'm ok with that! These are my two favorite ND songs!
MoPie : but Cookie should sing them!
Weetabix : oooooh, he could so growl out America like nobody's business … And also, Archie's hoping to pull out a KLC with America
MoPie : he doesn't need to do a KFC
Weetabix : no, Archie doesn't…. ooooh, I don't know about this… I'm feeling a little funny right now… maybe because I know the song so well and love it so much
MoPie : I do enjoy this arrangement
Weetabix : really!??! I totally thought you'd be all up in arms
MoPie : I love this song too! my sister was named after this song. no, it's not bad. I think there need to be more unusual arrangements of "Sweet Caroline"
Weetabix : I'm ok with it... although it's a little High School Musical… I agree. I think Marilyn Manson needs to cover it
MoPie : god, I love Marilyn Manson. I've even seen him in concert. yes, it was quite Zac Efron, but when is he not?
Weetabix : point! very pointy!

SYESHA MERCADO, "HELLO AGAIN"

Weetabix : where are you?
MoPie : piano and mentoring
Weetabix : Ryan is trying to make me feel guilty for watching this via Rickey
MoPie : how so?
Weetabix : wait... that's because rickey doesn't have her first performance… it's coming up later, where he makes a spiel about buying via iTunes… let me find it on youtube
MoPie : Neil Diamond just asked Syesha for a hug, which was slightly creepy, even though he is oddly attractive
Weetabix : I enjoy this song… I'm not sure if I enjoy her hair like this
MoPie : she is doing her pageanty smile
Weetabix : very much so... so far, this is really bland
the actual ND song is kind of gritty and vulnerable and charming
MoPie : yeah, but this means she has the pimp spot
Weetabix : true… maybe that means Castro's done… this was boring. Her voice was nice but it was just kind of meh
MoPie : it could very well mean that…I agree. nice but meh. she looks very pretty though, I have decided.
Weetabix : so are we back to Castro?
MoPie : no, all the Idols are being brought out for judging on round one
Weetabix : oh I don't have that… why are they playing with me!?!?!
MoPie : Randy: Jason is just okay, Cookie is in the zone, Brooke is better but still karaoke, Archie is the bomb, Syesha is strong and nice, but not amazing
Weetabix : like, they all get judged at once? like a dog show?
MoPie : Paula: she loved Jason's lower register... HOLD ON… she is giving comments on his second song… which he has not yet sung
Weetabix : oh nice!
MoPie : GRASSY KNOLL.
Weetabix : because she's reading it, right?
MoPie : yes, she's reading off a piece of paper.
Weetabix : nice!
MoPie : "you're not fighting hard enough" she says.
Weetabix : wait, Rickey has this! I'm watching!
MoPie : now they are turning it into a joke.. Paula says " I thought you sang twice!" and Ryan is saying "oh, Paula sees the future!"
Weetabix : oh jesus…seriously.... "I thought you sang twice!"????? wow, Simon totally covered it
MoPie : she is going to have to cover by saying she's on drugs
Weetabix : he realized that Paula was struggling and then came in and took over… you have to admire that quick thinking, though… I would have let her twist in the wind
MoPie : Simon: Jason is forgettable, Cookie is just above average, Brooke is a nightmare, Archie is amateurish, and Syesha is old-timey.
Weetabix : Brooke wasn't good, I have to agree
MoPie : Ryan looks petrified. wow, commercials. I cannot believe that just happened. and yes, Brooke sucked.
Weetabix : her silver garb was a nightmare… I'm titillated. ignore that man behind the curtain!
MoPie : so far her and Jason are totally bottom two. the Grassy Knoll is probably going totally crazy right now.
Weetabix : can we vote out Paula?
MoPie : I need to open some more wine

JASON CASTRO, "SEPTEMBER MORN"

MoPie : Jason Castro, who is going to get some bad criticism from Paula
Weetabix : heee! I also enjoy September Morn
MoPie : I predict it!
Weetabix : I don't know which Diamond song I would have picked for Castro… Holly Holy maybe… actually, ND's written so many songs for other artists too… there's probably a lot I am missing. Also I hate this. I agree with what Paula is about to say!
MoPie : hahaha I also agree with the upcoming comments from Paula!
Weetabix : I don't have the judging but it's a moo point

COOKIE, "ALL I REALLY NEED IS YOU"

Weetabix : Ricky in his penthouse! another song I don't think I know
MoPie : I enjoy Cookie. I continue to wish his hair were something else.
Weetabix : oh! You know what song Neil Diamond wrote? Girl, You'll Be a Woman Soon!
MoPie : that's another song that reminds me of my sister, whose name is CAROLINE. oooOOOoooo.
Weetabix : I agree. Like when he was all punk in the Ford Focus commercial last week? I found him appealing. Cracklin Rosie... I hope someone does that! oooh, or He Ain't Heavy He's My Brother! wait, he didn't write that one, he just sang it
MoPie : Paula just called him the American Idol
Weetabix : is that what it said on her index card? You Don't Bring Me Flowers! I love that song!
MoPie : wait, who is singing that? where am I?
Weetabix : no, I'm now just shouting out requests. I'm Freebirding the liveblog

BROOKE WHITE, " I am I SAID!"

MoPie : is she wearing a jumpsuit?
Weetabix : she seems to be, yes… in keeping with the 70's Diamond ouevre
MoPie : this is a pretty song
Weetabix : actually, she's not. The pants actually do not match the shirt, thus completing the silver travesty.
MoPie : yes, that was my initial response: "it clashes." but then for a moment I saw jumpsuit. forgive me. I have had wine.
Weetabix : drink more
MoPie : "I am myself"!! that reminds me of every comment Paula has ever made to Brooke, including "you are Brooke White" and "you are you."
Weetabix : this is a much better Brooke song
MoPie : because Brooke is Brooke. I agree, this is good. finally!
Weetabix : you know who she reminds me of, though? Not Brooke, but rather Carly Simon… singing Anticipation. it's got kind of the Carly Simon vibe going…
MoPie : oh, Randy said nice job. Paula from the future liked it. and Simon says.... he really hated the first song, but likes piano Brooke.
Weetabix : because he's probably got a better view of her ass
MoPie : "not incredible, but a million times better than the first song." and also, ha.
ARCHIE, "America"
Weetabix : America! today!
MoPie : oh yeah! AMERICA! he is doing a strange shoulder bob
Weetabix : BEST SONG THAT ISN"T SWEET CAROLINE! he is. Poor little Mormon boy.
MoPie : he is so not Zac Efron. I kind of think Zac Efron is hot. and Archie? never. this is a car commercial performance.
Weetabix : I do not think either of them are hot. I think Archie's adorably geeky and somehow that makes him likeable….indeed. There should be a scroll at the bottom telling you about 0% financing for a limited time.
MoPie : Zac Efron was cute in Hairspray. however, he was no James Marsden.
Weetabix : I do like his voice though. wait, James Marsden was in the original? I had no idea.
MoPie : no… he played Corny Collins in the new one, and he was awesonme
Weetabix : oh, I was feeling for a second that my pop culture of the 80's cred was about to be blown
MoPie : Randy said he was in the zone, Paula said it was perfect and is drunk, and Simon said it was a smart song choice
Weetabix : Paula loves him, but I don't believe anything she says anymore.
MoPie : Archie looks like he's struggling not to cry, that's weird.
SYESHA, " Thank the Lord for the Night Time"
MoPie : rooo rrrrooo… I have Ryan plugging iTunes, surrounded by a crowd
Weetabix : that's the part I was seeing erroneously….I also do not know of this song
MoPie : he is manhandling a small child.
Weetabix : I can't believe no one did Crackling Rosie… oh, when isn't he?
MoPie : I have decided I am very pro Syesha's hair. this is a cute performance, actually. Syesha, you don't suck!
Weetabix : so, it's weird, but with her hair all straightened like that, she looks a lot like my creepy aunt. So I have an automatic dislike for her… this one doesn't suck, agreed
MoPie : the lyric for this song was something about "making love to you" a little risque there, Syesha!
Weetabix : but she's crawling out of a hole that she's been digging all season. A hole made by her lack of personality
MoPie : that was very well said! either that or I'm drunky. possibly both.
Weetabix : you are pretty drunky. Paula is reading again
MoPie : Simon is saying Syesha may be in trouble? are you kidding?
okay, there's a recapo… sorry, recap
Weetabix : he should say that she's safe. That cursed Carly!
MoPie : although "recapo" would be fun.
Weetabix : a recapo? Is that some mob term?
MoPie : ole! el recapo! it is obviously SPANISH.
Weetabix : I was thinking about the capo
MoPie : I think Jason or Brooke is leaving. actually, I'm sure of it.
Weetabix : the recapo being required when the capo doesn't do its job

RECAPO

Weetabix : god, I hope it's Castro
MoPie : hehehe
Weetabix : I was playing odds with my pool choices and had Brooke taking it… although I don't think she's going to now
MoPie : yeah I have her at number two… I actually think Shmuel is going to win, because he has Syesha at, like, fourth… and everyone else had her as being long gone.
Weetabix : Shmuel is smart… he's going to rack up points with that pick
MoPie : or can see into the future, like Paula
Weetabix : So, your prediction is Brooke or Castro… I will say Castro… but I've been saying that for the last... what, four weeks?
MoPie : yes, and I guess I will say... I don't know.
Weetabix : I'm bound to be right one of these weeks, right?
MoPie : if America kind of missed the grassy knoll aspects, Castro will go… but if America caught on, then Brooke will go.
Weetabix : I don't think America cares about whether or not this show is rigged… I think the voters are teenyboppers… and not jaded old bloggers like us… in majority, anyway
MoPie : yeah. okay, Castro is toasto.

Weetapidol outto!

Top 6 Pool Standings

Oh, I knew Carly would break my heart. She's out in sixth place, and Shari was the only one who predicted that exactly. Stacey, Shmuel, and Carlywei all had her at fifth. Jake and I went with fourth. The Weetapidol Hive Mind had third; most of us though she would go farther--and she certainly deserved to.

Kelly S. is still in the lead, although those of us chasing her did catch up a little this week, since she had Carly in second place. Shmuel is in second place, which is easily the best he's ever done in the Weetapidol pool; nice job. We also have way more of a points range this week, with first place and last place separated by 25 points. The full standings are:

83 points: Kelly S.
78 points: Shmuel
77 points: Mo Pie, Weetapidol Hive Mind
76 points: Jake
75 points: Xaan, Wendi
74 points: Shari, Stacey
73 points: Carlywei, Weet, Kim
64 points: Eden, Pushca
63 points: Martha
62 points: Kelly M.
58 points: Gila

How did you do this week?

Top 6: Would it be weird if we masturbated to this?

MoPie : helloo
Weetabix : hellooooooooo! (that was sung as an aria)
MoPie : Weetapie.... Weetapie... let us watch the show and say, my my....
(that was supposed to be to the tune of Jesus Christ Superstar)
(I will work on it)
Weetabix : (I got chills)
can you stay paused for a moment so we can talk about our ideal ALW songs for each contestant?
MoPie : yes, absolutely
Weetabix : Because I really really want Jason Castro to sing a jangly version of "I don't know how to love him"
MoPie : your idea is excellent. I myself want David Cook to sing "Heaven on Their Minds."
Weetabix : which musical was that from?
MoPie : Jesus Christ Superstar, my favorite ALW musi-cal
Weetabix : wait, isn't Miss Saigon also ALW?
MoPie : no, it is not
Evita, JCS, Phantom, Cats...
Weetabix : Aside from Phantom, Cats and Jesus Christ Superstar, I have no idea what else ALW has done
MoPie : which, you know someone is going to sing Memory
Weetabix : also, didn't he do an Abba musical?
that wasn't Mamma Mia?
MoPie : Starlight Express, Evita, I think Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat
(which, David A: "Close Every Door")
Weetabix : yes, Starlight Express is what I'm thinking of
MoPie : that is... not Abba. It's trains.
Weetabix : oh shit, Castro's going to do a ukelele version of Any Dream Will Do...but... roller skates, right?
MoPie : if there is a god, then yes. yes, roller skates and trains. no Abba.
Weetabix : well, in my universe, I choose to imagine it as an unholy amalgamation of Xanadu, Phantom and also Mamma Mia...because that my friend? Would be the best musical ever!...and also, Little Mermaid...roller skates under the sea!
MoPie : it would! and Starlight Express is the worst musical ever, and therefore the opposite of that.
Weetabix : which would explain why I haven't seen it. I'm said that Miss Saigon isn't going to be part of the show...because I would like to see Paula and Simon sing the. um. love song duet thingy....Last Night Of The World?...something like that. Is Les Mis ALW? I want this to be just a Broadway show! All Broadway!
MoPie : SOMEONE SING WICKED
Weetabix : I will sing Wicket...and also, Wicked...and it will be Wicket awesome!
MoPie : hee...Wicket, the croquet musical!
Weetabix : I really do think that Ryan has petit de mort when he says "This! Is AMERICAN IDOL!"
MoPie : no kidding
Weetabix : David Duchovny is in the audience? weird...Wait, American Idol is using "green power" at the finale? That... I need more information. what exactly does that constitute? OH MY GOD! the PHANTOM IS STARTING! and then Ryan fucked with it!
MoPie : it means.. Earth and... stuff.
Weetabix : I am going to get very upset tonight, I can already tell
MoPie : the Idols are about to fuck with Phantom
Weetabix : I get irrationally emotional when it comes to the Phantom
MoPie : and also Cats, which you would think couldn't be fucked with by definition...
Weetabix : Bad Cats hurts babies
MoPie : Ian: "Andrew Lloyd Weber is still alive." he just wanted to inform us.
Weetabix : Oh good, they are going to remind us of the Oeuvre of ALW
MoPie : now we'll find out if we missed any
Weetabix : yes, he is still alive, much to the dismay of Sarah Brightman
MoPie : my favorite is totally Jesus Christ Superstar, which I love...wow, we missed a lot
Weetabix : yes, things I've never heard of!
MoPie : and they're showing a clip from the TERRIBLE Phantom movie
Weetabix : oh, they went to Vegas! I want to go to that show!
MoPie : we could go to see Phantom in Vegas!
Weetabix : let's go! I'm in! It will be my mumble-somthingth time I've seen it!
MoPie : Ian says: "no."
Weetabix : screw ian! He can hang out with Esteban, who also says "no"
MoPie : he says I can see it though.
Weetabix : ALW would like you to know "words, words, words"
MoPie : he takes himself a little seriously, that ALW...dude, you wrote Cats...lighten up
Weetabix : and Starlight Express, which had zero mermaids in it, apparently
MoPie : zero mermaids, zero Swedish people...I actually want to see the version of Starlight Express in your head with mermaids and croquet and Abba
Weetabix : it would dazzle you

SYESHA MERCADO

Weetabix : I have never heard of "one rock and roll too many"
MoPie : it's from Whistle down the Wind
Weetabix : oooooh, Syesha just kind of schooled ALW...and he's classy enough not to backhand her off the stage, out to the cheap seats
MoPie : she's on the piano, wow
Weetabix : oooh, she's wearing a sexy sexy dress! and wow
MoPie : that red dress is fabuuuulous
Weetabix : and also, her boobs
MoPie : NICE TITS...sorry, I meant that respectfully
Weetabix : also, I like her voice. It's definitely got a rich tone that I don't think we've heard before.
MoPie : this is absolutely the most I've ever liked her
Weetabix : absolutely. Syesha needed ALW Week! and also, to stand on the piano with her boobies on display.
MoPie : she looks great, she sounds great...she looks comfortable, too
Weetabix : Seriously, she's suddenly like a superstar. Her voice is spot on...except for that note
MoPie : yeah, not a great note, but nonetheless
Weetabix : I was not liking the "tone out of you" line...but overall, I can totally forgive, because that was the first seriously amazing performance I've seen from this girl. I kept forgetting that she's in it.
MoPie : yeah, me too, and Randall agreeth
Weetabix : Randall thinks she could be a Broadway star and also, agrees with me that it's the best performance so far.
MoPie : Paula: "this is your happy place"...Paula knows from happy places. Simon is turned on! ha! speaking of his happy place
Weetabix : Ha! Totally! Suddenly, he's all "Ooooooh! Boobs!"
MoPie : LEGS...have you learned nothing? the short skirt is what did it for him...Ricky shoutout!
Weetabix : Yay Ricky! Syesha should wear red more often, because it makes little Simon very happy

JASON CASTRO

MoPie : singing MEMORY
Weetabix : FUCK, he's doing Memory
MoPie : I cannot wait...this is going to be awesomely bad
Weetabix : I seriously predict that Jason will be full of Fail on this
MoPie : I will also predict this
Weetabix : and he's trying to damage control in the Ryan Raps portion...I really hope that ALW actually is so disgusted by Castro that he actually deficates on the stage
MoPie : Jason "I didn't know a cat was singing it"...the musical IS CALLED CATS
Weetabix : like the Starlight Express in my head, the AI in my head is very good
MoPie : well I don't want to see anyone pooping
Weetabix : Seriously, I want to smack Castro so much right now
MoPie : the white suit is gross
Weetabix : Can he do anything that isn't a ballad?
MoPie : I want to shave his head
Weetabix : whatev, Delilah....this is so not good
MoPie : this is no good...this is poop on the stage
Weetabix : he doesn't have a low register? he's struggling with the low notes, it's just weird
MoPie : he doesn't have a high register, either, it's just all breathy
Weetabix : sorry, I hate this
MoPie : HATE IT. NEXT.
Weetabix : yes, I think he totally just rides on the stupid kissy faces that he makes
MoPie : (that was my Anthony-from-Sex-and-the-City voice)
Weetabix : oh my god, and white suit, white shoes, and DARK SOCKS?!?!?!
MoPie : bleh. go Syesha, is all I have to say about that. he is NOT wearing dark socks. NO.
Weetabix : yes, that was fantastic. Anthony is my favorite secondary character on SATC
MoPie : Randy actually said the word "trainwreck"...god bless you, Randall
Weetabix : yes, he is. Like a dark blue. My eyes are hemorrahging. which I spelled incorrectly
Twinkle Twinkle Little Star is too big of a song for Castro...and also, No, Paula, NO, everyone is not used to hearing this from a female star. Barry Manilow sang the fuck out of this.
MoPie : Simon looks like he wants to slap some duct tape on Paula's mouth
Weetabix : Randall has a man crush on Castro. HA! Simon called it. It was painful and awful.
MoPie : thank you, Simonovich. I need more wine, after that.
Weetabix : I can imagine
MoPie : WHY IS MY WINE GONE
Weetabix : I think I need a Tums. NO ONE VOTE FOR CASTRO! PLEASE MAKE IT STOP. It's only going to get worse, people. That's all I can say.
MoPie : okay I go get wine before ff-ing
Weetabix : ok, I'm also going to get some more sustenance

WEET AND PIE RECOVER FROM THE HORROR DURING COMMERCIALS

BROOKE WHITE
MoPie : Brooke looks confused by the song
Weetabix : wow, ALW had a brooke breakthrough
MoPie : we'll see how it goes
Weetabix : I like her dress...oh!
MoPie : when Madonna is a better singer than you, you're fucked
Weetabix : OOOOH!
MoPie : wow, she just fucked up and had to start over
Weetabix : she fucked up hardcore! is she going to be off her game now?
MoPie : Brooke looks like she's pooping while singing
Weetabix : there's probably still an odor left over from Castro's performance...she's screwing up the words
MoPie : that is some halfhearted hand waving from the audience
Weetabix : "wave your hands and win a Ford Focus!"
MoPie : I can't figure out why she had to start over
Weetabix : because she messed up the words? maybe? or did she perhaps jump in too quickly?
MoPie : maybe, I don't know...I don't know the song well enough
Weetabix : maybe she'll say...Randall is right, they need to believe what they are singing
MoPie : wow, she pissed off Paula
Weetabix : Ooooh, Paula rubs in the starting and stopping
MoPie : Paula is drugged up and confused and yet still pissed off...hee, "you were you"
Weetabix : wow, that is harsh. "You're NOT pretty. You're not you. You just screwed up!"
MoPie : she's pouting again
Weetabix : of course she is. what other recourse does she have? Ryan is finding out for us! She forgot!
MoPie : and Simon is calling her brave for it
Weetabix : I wonder if the producers told them to be nice to her this week...per Brian Dunkleman (the person, not the handkerchief)
MoPie : Paula is not happy about the stop and start, and Randall and Simon disagree--interesting. I am told that Dunkleman has some of it right and some of it wrong...I am not at liberty to be more specific than this
Weetabix :shit


DAVID ARCHULETA

MoPie : aw, he's wearing a little Members Only jacket...little girls hugging Archibald
Weetabix : Oooooooo! PHANTOM!
MoPie : he's singing THINK OF ME?!?!
Weetabix : I love Think of Me!
MoPie : who doesn't?
Weetabix : communists...CASTRO! Oh, it's got like this whole "More Than Words" vibe
MoPie : this is insane! in a good way, actually
Weetabix : it is kind of poppy...kind of like the ending credits of a Pixar movie kind of way
MoPie : he's good, this little tiny man. this is not horrible at all.
Weetabix : ALW is right, he does much better keeping his eyes open. although he's rushing some of the lyrics. ok, I have decided I am pro this version of this song
MoPie : however, not horrible...Ian is singing along. kind of howling, really. it is endearing, if you are married to him
Weetabix : I will take your word for that! wait, Randall seems unnecessarily excited...Paula has gotten over her shock and dismay over Brooke's false start...wait, the camera just showed Paul Stanley from KISS!? it's surreal audience night!
MoPie : where's Rue McClanahan and Barack Obama? and Andre Breton?

CARLY SMITHSON

MoPie : singing All I Ask Of You!! I love it!
Weetabix : oh my god!
MoPie : wait, no
Weetabix : MY FAVORITE
MoPie : he's changing her song...noooooooo
Weetabix : NOOOOOOOOO
MoPie : except she sounds great at Superstar..and this is my favorite ALW musical
Weetabix : seriously, I am SO devastated that she didn't do All I Ask Of You. that would be my song on ALW night
MoPie : All I Ask of You is a fantastic song
Weetabix : that's the song that I fell asleep to, the night before my wedding
MoPie : mine would be Heaven on Their Minds
Weetabix : really? Awesome! oh my god, look at all the lights
MoPie : Ian: "This has her writen all over it? What does that mean, she's Jesus?"
Weetabix : and the dress is awesome...she is. She's Jesus. Irish Jesus.
MoPie : the dress is a great print but a weird cut
Weetabix : you're right, it's giving her a poochy belly
MoPie : I love Judas...ih the musical, I mean
Weetabix : her voice is amazing. She's such a rocker chick. ALW was right, her chest voice was made for this song. all of the "yeah yeah yeah"s? So awesome.
MoPie : she's awesome
Weetabix : I would love to be able to wail like that. Paula's standing o! Wow, Simon says it's one of his favorite performances of the night? That's awesome.
MoPie : I hope people vote for her...I guess I could vote for her! as we are now caught up to real time
Weetabix : you can! you should!
MoPie : I SHALL
Weetabix : phone lines are actually open for you right now...since they have to open for the other coasts, right?
MoPie : what was the number? 5?
Weetabix : Must be...since she's the 5th of the night
MoPie : it is busy
Weetabix : David Cook will be six...that's a good sign!
MoPie : busy again!
Weetabix : that's how dial idol works, right? It's measuring the busies?
MoPie : it is...I am a one-man dial idol over here...I'll try later


DAVID COOK

Weetabix : I wonder what Dane Cook will be singing?
MoPie : probably not Heaven on Their Minds :(
Weetabix : probably not
MoPie : oh of course
Weetabix : FUCK YES!
MoPie : MUSIC OF THE NIGHT
Weetabix : FUUUUUCK YES!
MoPie : hee
Weetabix : I hope that he doesn't tank it...oooh shit...I'm going to have a moment
MoPie : I love how ALW is like "pretend you're a statutory rapist!"
Weetabix : I can tell you right now, from the snippet, that I will be downloading this from iTunes...and maybe also the video clip...for my private moments
MoPie : hee...this is where you use the line, "would it be weird if I masturbated to this?" (disclaimer: this was my reaction to watching Chris Daughtry singing Hemmorhage)
Weetabix : so, I think I'm too much of a Phantom purist. but that NOTE!? the "to BEEEEEEE?
MoPie : well he's no Michael Crawford
Weetabix : but I think it was in the spirit of the character
I actually loathe the Michael Crawford phantom
MoPie : you're kidding! who do you like?
Weetabix : I'm not. Peter Cousens
MoPie : my favorite live was Norman Large, who understudied for Robert Guillaume and was fantastic
Weetabix : I have also seen Norman Large. Also very good. I haven't ranked them, in particular, I just know that I love Peter Cousens the best.
MoPie : I've never even heard of Peter Cousens
Weetabix : he's Australian and a friend of Hugh Jackman, which makes him, you know, talented just by osmosis
MoPie : is he in your pants?
Weetabix : he is. At all times. I like how simon is like "Well, I have to say that it was good, so there you are"

MONTAGE

MoPie : who is going?
Weetabix : and also, I hope that Ryan never feels compelled to try to sing something like that ever again
MoPie : I think Jason Cook is in trouble
Weetabix : CASTRO if there is a God in heaven
MoPie : Brooke gets sympathy votes...Syesha was genuinely good
Weetabix : Brooke will get sympathy votes, if only for Paula harshing on her
MoPie : Carly was awesome, and the Davids are totally safe
Weetabix : I think Brooke will still be bottom three...wait, there will be a genuinely good person in the bottom three then
MoPie : I think Brooke is destroying my chances of winning the Weetapidol pool
Weetabix : sadly, I think it will be Syesha rounding out the bottom...unless something strange happens and it's Archie. I say Castro's gone...unless Brooke goes, which is quite possible. has Castro been in the bottom three even once, though?
MoPie : I don't think so...there is no way Archie is in the bottom three
Weetabix : he must have a mysterious fan base voting for him
MoPie : I will try Carly's line again!
Weetabix : keep trying...keep the faith! even though she didn't do All I Ask of You
MoPie : the judges are all wearing Phantom masks and it is creepy
Weetabix : ooooh, I'm sorry I'm missing that...maybe I'm not
MoPie : okay, well I guess that's all for us tonight!
Weetabix : Weetapidol out!
MoPie : WEEEEEttttaapiiidoooooLLLLLL oooOOOooooOOOOOOUTTTTTTTTTT

Top 7 Pool Standings

Well, KFC is gone! The vast majority of us thought she would go 10th or later (the Weetapidol Hive Mind went with 11th). The winner for the week was Kelly S., our front runner, who correctly predicted KFC would be out in seventh place. Props also to Xaan, who predicted eighth, and Shmuel, who predicted ninth... and thus caught up to the frontrunners. The standings are:

74 points: Kelly S. (can anyone catch her?)
67 points: Weetapidol Hive Mind
66 points: Shmuel, Xaan, Mo Pie
65 points: Wendi, Jake
63 points: Weet
62 points: Stacey
61 points: Kim, Carlywei, Shari
55 points: Pushca
54 points: Eden, Martha

Exciting!

Top 7: Mariah Carey teaches the Idols how best showcase their boobs talent

Weetabix : hellooooo!
MoPie : hellooooo! I am set... I even have Ian's computer as a precaution against mine crashing
Weetabix : I am likewise on Esteban's pc and paused on the idols on the stage
MoPie : we are on our husband's jocks...if by "jocks" you mean "laptops"
Weetabix : you are 8 years old
MoPie : I should have said "laps"--that would have actually made way more sense
Weetabix : I'm sure it's in the urban dictionary that way
MoPie : I have either had too much wine or not enough. okay should I press play? I am exactly at the beginning
Weetabix : my vote is not enough
MoPie : CLINK!
Weetabix : ok, I'm going!
MoPie : me too! there is pretty Carly and annoying Syesha
Weetabix : brooke brought back her sproodly hair!
MoPie : and Archibald
Weetabix : I enjoy her sproodly hair. I am trying hard to like Brooke
MoPie : I enjoy the word "sproodly" and I think that she will be in the top two, so liking her is politic
MoPie : I have decided that if we call Randy "Randall," we should call David Archuleta "Archibald"
Weetabix : it's "trying". ok, what is Cookie? Cookington?
MoPie : I have to allow the old-timey names to come to me
Weetabix : manifest them
MoPie : more Michael Johns shock horror
Weetabix : oooh, Ryan dredging up old pain
MoPie : NOT THAT SURPRISING, people.
Weetabix : my pants were surprised!
MoPie : there are Randall, Pauline, and Simonskovich. see what happens when I try to force old-timeyness? I get Russian.
Weetabix : Pie, I love you but there is no way I'll be able to type "Simonskovich" when I'm drinking all the wines
MoPie : Archibald is tiny! and Syesha's boobs are... not. Mariah Carey night!
Weetabix : and speaking of not tiny boobs
MoPie : hee... here is her montage
Weetabix : she's had more singles than Elvis... I heard that on the radio today... more hits rather
MoPie : I loved Mariah at first, then I decided she was kind of a skank, and now I am neutral on her
Weetabix : oh, Ryan just said that... I've actually never liked her. At all.
MoPie : neutral/skank. she's no Andrew Lloyd Weber
Weetabix : in fact, I called her out in a short story, accusing her of sounding like a dolphin
MoPie : oh god, she's one of those celebrities with dogs
Weetabix : of course she is
MoPie : she does sound like a dolphin. Ian "read somewhere that she's black"
Weetabix : wow, I am TRANSFIXED by her breasts
MoPie : she is a diva! she cares nothing at all about any of those little Idols.
Weetabix : thank you, Ian, for the ethnicity spin. ask Ian about what he thinks Paula's ethnicity is
MoPie : Ryan is asking Randy a good question--with this theme, he can't complain that people are trying to sound like Mariah, because that's the point
Weetabix : Archibald!
MoPie : Ian thought Paula was from Lebanon, but admits he has no idea

DAVID "OMG UR 2 MBARA55N" ARCHULETA

MoPie : "Meeting Mariah Carey was really scary" Archibald rhymed!
Weetabix : he's afraid that she's sing one of those scary notes and his eardrums will burst
MoPie : Mariah as a mentor is not impressing me
Weetabix : her boobs are impressing me
MoPie : J. Lo was WAY better. here goes Archibald!
Weetabix : Archibald is wearing leather pants
MoPie : he is NOT!... is he?
Weetabix : I do not know how I feel about that fact in my life
MoPie : OMG he is
Weetabix : yes, see the shine?
MoPie : I don't know this song at all
Weetabix : me either, but it must be one of those songs that helped her beat elvis?
MoPie : the leather pants go well with his shirt... and now I am done looking at tiny Archibald's pants. here is my deep dark secret: I think Elvis is kind of overrated. does nothing for me
Weetabix : I enjoy some Elvis, but I feel that he's like musical cilantro: too much can be super annoying and also, taste like soap. I enjoy "Suspicious Minds" when I've been in my liquor.
MoPie : Archibald is holding his palm out as if he's asking for spare change. "Please, sir? I am little Archibald! The urchin! Canst thou spare a nickel?" Elvis is "musical cilantro." That is beautiful.
Weetabix : "please sir, can I have sum mo?"
MoPie : Randy was worried about "boys singing girl songs" Randy, you're so heteronormative
Weetabix : aw, Randall and his gender confusion
MoPie : Paula has shaggy bangs... she looks like a fluffy dog
Weetabix : Paula is channeling Mariah's thoughts now?
MoPie : Paula doing channelling explains a lot
Weetabix : Simon seems to be sort of falling over himself to not insult Mariah's music
MoPie : she's probably always channelling something, we just have to decide what
Ian : "That kid looks like he's in grade school."
Weetabix : he's BABY XANDER! he's a kid in Sunnydale Grade School!
MoPie : hee! Carly is next! Carly, BE AWESOME.
Weetabix : ugh, I just had a flashback to last week and the sign held by the 9 year old begging him to lick his lips... shudder!
MoPie : STOP TALKING ABOUT IT!

CARLY "THEY ALWAYS BE STEALIN ME LUCKY CHARMS" SMITHSON

MoPie : Carly's dress is pretty, and so are her breasts
Weetabix : Carly is wearing THE BEST DRESS
MoPie : since we have a breast theme.
Weetabix : Actually, that reminds me of the shirt that Shannonk helped me pick out when we were in LA last December. I enjoy Breast Week!
MoPie : so I guess Michael is the only funny one.
Weetabix : They should double Breast Week, not Beatles Week
MoPie : she just called him "MJ"
Weetabix : holy shit, check out Mariah's high heels
MoPie : I think they did that whole interview to pimp Carly... to align her with Aussie and make people like her.
Weetabix : how does she walk on carpet with those? OOOOOH, I love this song
MoPie : I can't see Mariah's heels. I can see her boobs. and also her boobs. and thirdly, and finally, her boobs.
Weetabix : her heels are sixteen inches tall... and agreed on the boobs.
MoPie : this is a good song!
Weetabix : it totally is. It's one of my favorites. Also, isn't this cheating? It's a remake that Mariah did. How is that a Mariah song?
MoPie : Ian claims this is a "Nillson" song
Weetabix : it is
MoPie : I think he's just making syllables
Weetabix : it's on one of my writing playlists
MoPie : I hope that all of this pimping and awesomeness means Carly is safe
Weetabix : I hope so too, because she must be rewarded for this fantastic dress and also, the boobs. oh yeah, and the singing
MoPie : what do you think of the... er... singing? hee
Weetabix : awesome as per usual. I think it was more than "pretty good" Randall. Oh dear god, Paula is channeling a kitchen sponge right now
MoPie : hee. Paula complimented her on "choosing different parts"... she might be channelling a pick-and-pull scrapyard.
Weetabix : booo Simon, Carly did SO pull that off. Isn't he looking at all of her boobs?
MoPie : ha! maybe he's a leg man
Weetabix : that's right, Haley Scarnato
MoPie : my thoughts exactly
Weetabix : and also, to some extent, Katharine McPhee

COMMERCIALS
Weetabix : ff
MoPie : oh, I am caught up...sorry, now there's a commercial with a red car
Weetabix : ok, I am paused with Ryan surrounded by a million girls...um, way overcompensating Ryan. we get it, you're "STRAIGHT"
MoPie : I will let you know when I get to Ryan Overcompensates
Weetabix : actually, there's a surprised and delighted guy almost directly behind him

SYESHA "FINALLY A WEEK MADE FOR ME" MERCARDO

MoPie : Mariah doesn't even hug the contestants or anything
Weetabix : she doesn't want the germs of mediocrity. I'll bet the contestants were instructed to not touch the Diva
MoPie : now she is doing an air kiss
Weetabix : oh perhaps Mariah must engage
MoPie : I like the piano player's little chin sprout
Weetabix : isn't that Ricky Minor? maybe not?
MoPie : Syesha continues the theme of the evening... with the... boobs. suddenly I like Syesha more!
Weetabix : well, clearly we are a boob crowd
MoPie : seriously, that dress is gorgeous on her
Weetabix : it is. Unlike the grey she wore during the mentoring session, this color is FANTASTIC on her... like, magical
MoPie : she sounds great. fuck, Carly is in trouble.
Weetabix : ooooh, I actually enjoyed that run
MoPie : me too... the problem is, what happens if nobody sounds shitty? so far everyone sounds pretty good!
Weetabix : maybe Jason Castro won't be able to haul out a ukelele on a Mariah Carey song and he'll finally get the boot. also, KFC's night has to be coming soon, right? I wouldn't bet money on Syesha going tonight, quite honestly. Like country week for KFC, this is Syesha's week.
MoPie : yes, I agree. I think Paula just said "magic" like eight times. She's channelling David Copperfield.
Weetabix : the magician or the Dickens character?
MoPie : either one, really. Dickens goes with the old-timey theme and the other one goes with the magic and the tits. it's all gold, baby.
Weetabix : I would enjoy the show more if Paula burst out with a "crikey, govna!"

COMMERCIALS
MoPie : this would be where we would ff if I was able to ff... instead I WILL DRINK MORE!!
Weetabix : I am paused on a spinning Idol logo... tell me when you get there
MoPie : you could just let it ride, dawg.. yet you hate commercials too much to sit through them!
Weetabix : I will next time but I had already pressed ff... I do hate commercials though. This is what I am willing to live with for the sake of Weetapidol
MoPie : yes but I am watching Ashley Tisdale in the commercial. go Sharpei!
Weetabix : I wish Idol were like other reality shows and they could win immunity somehow
MoPie : I award immunity to Carly

BROOKE "NO CLEAVAGE BUT DETERMINED TO MAKE YOU CRY" WHITE
Weetabix : gone!
MoPie : BRooke's dress sparkles!!
Weetabix : brooke is sparkly
MoPie : and yet an I see her boobs?
Weetabix : jinx!!
no, not seeing boobs
MoPie : I meant... "and yet can I see her boobs"?
Weetabix : that's it, she's getting voted off
MoPie : MORE BOOBS, BROOKE.
TAKE OFF YOUR TOP.
Weetabix : actually, I HATE that dolman sleeve cut. It's so DorothySbornak
oooh, Hero
MoPie : Brooke is so sweet.
Weetabix : you can tell that Brooke's hippy dippyness is bugging the shit out of Mariah
MoPie : I want to be pals with Brooke. Brooke, call me!
yes, that is the subtext
oh we didn't say BROOKE WHITE
we should put that up higher
she's doing that short-of-breath thing
Weetabix : I think she's safe this week. Her curly hair will override the lack of breasts.
MoPie : Brooke, do not get voted off. you will destroy my Weetapidol pool score.
she sounds kind of.. not great.
Weetabix : actually, I'm not so much liking this dawg
I'm glad that we both agree
MoPie : it's a little fast... there's too much emphasis on the piano over her voice.
Syesha was way better.
Weetabix : because what the Weetapidolers don't realize is that we pretty much typed that at the same time
MoPie : yes. we need to find a way to convey that... when we type things simultanously, which we've done like three times now.
this is not good!
Weetabix : yes, it's not terribly full of emotion or anything. I mean, it's sad when I actually think the Mariah version is better. I don't think that about anything ever, really.
MoPie : the piano is just CHORD CHORD CHORD
Weetabix : what does this remind me of? Gah, that's going to bug me.
the way she's singing it, it's like it's just some trivial little nothing song. It's supposed to be kind of inspiring and emotional.
MoPie : Randy hated it, but likes Brooke
Paula is going with more of her Brooke compliments. "you're identifiable."
Weetabix : Paula likes Brooke's hair
MoPie : "I am able to recognize you when you are on the stage."
Weetabix : well, she hasn't said that, but she's basically saying that
Simon thinks that Brooke is a Boca Burger
MoPie : don't pout, Brooke. DON'T MAKE ME ANNOYED, BROOKE.
Weetabix : are they really saying "the meat was in the bun"?
my head is going to explode
and then ryan, asking about where the meat was?
AAAAAAAGH!
MoPie : oh, I think Ryan knows where the meat is.
Weetabix : heee!

KRISTY LEE "MY BOOBS ARE BLESSED BY GOD AND AMERICA" COOK
MoPie : god, speaking of which (kind of) Kellie Pickler won MULTIPLE CMAs.
Weetabix : Notice Mariah's body language during the mentoring session? The head shaking? The vaguely distressed look?
MoPie : KFC is featuring her boobs, though. nice boobs, KFC. or should I say "breast meat"?
Weetabix : the same looks I'm giving right now upon learning of Pickler's CMA win... I'm not sure how I feel about that dress
MoPie : that was a terrible chicken joke.
Weetabix : it really was...
MoPie : I like the dress, actually. she's making squinchy eyebroes. she isn't that bad. Brooke was worse. oh god.
Weetabix : I don't like this, not at all
MoPie : she sounds like she's singing at a prom
Weetabix : although, her vocals aren't bad really, I just don't like watching her perform
MoPie : I blame the song, though
Weetabix : that's actually what I was going to say about her dress, but then you said you liked it. and I didn't want to harsh your mellow...although, check it out, when they show her from the front, it's entirely a different color than when they show her from the back
MoPie : you can harsh my mellow. it wasn't that great, whatevs.
Weetabix : Paula is blown away? Paula is channeling a leaf blower.
MoPie : hahaha... that actually just made me laugh out loud
Weetabix : well, my work here is done!
MoPie : their attack of KFC means people will vote for her
Weetabix : I love that Simon brings it back down to earth and calls the performance "whiny"
MoPie : she's the Jasmine... she'll hang on until the end
Weetabix : maybe?
Weetabix : That's unfortunate. I honestly find her very vanilla and non-objectionable. I just don't see the appeal

COMMERCIALS
MoPie : I need some wine while the commercials commersh.
Weetabix : ok, I'll sit here and enjoy the Mac commercial ever since I became a Mac owner, I'm succumbing to the typical Mac owner superiority that is so annoying to PC owners
MoPie : oh no.. I enjoy the commercials but... oh no.
Weetabix : I know. I'm sorry. I'll apologize now while I am still feeling humble enough to talk to you.
MoPie : ha!
Weetabix : I actually used to be vaguely offended by the mac commercials, just because the PC guy was kind of overweight and the Justin whateverhisnameis kid is such a hipster douche... but now I just laugh and think "Oh MAC!"
MoPie : when I first saw that commercial, I couldn't figure out if it was pro-Mac or pro-PC... I thought the PC guy was so cute and the Mac guy was so snotty
Weetabix : exactly... I felt very bait and switched by the commercial...like "oh, wait, I'm identifying with the wrong protagonist"
MoPie : rroooo rooooo!

DAVID "WHEN I THINK ABOUT YOU I TOUCH MYSELF" COOK
Weetabix : look at how small Ryan's wee little head is! this confirms every suspicion...COOKIE! Ooooh my god! This just might be awesome. this might be another "Hello"
MoPie : spoiler alert! he is supposed to be awesome
Weetabix : I predict correctly! I am justified! oooh, and he's sufficiently rumpled and wearing a white shirt! the wrinkled white shirt is this season's "wallet chain" for me
MoPie : did he borrow Aussie's vest?
Weetabix : oooh, there are violins and TOTAL Chris Lights... except.... this means that Castro's got the pimp spot. Dane Cook DESERVED the pimp spot
MoPie : this is what Constantine always thought he was
Weetabix : I don't want to end the night on Castro! yes, this is awesome
MoPie : we could just pretend our TVs cut out. or invent some random comments about Castro: "Paula is channeling a phone psychic!"
Weetabix : also, I went to youtube and watched some Constantine clips. He's just a big singing penis face... I don't see the allure
MoPie : that is an accurate description of Constantine
Weetabix : Ok, so that? Was seriously hot.
MoPie : I really don't know this song, but Randy is wetting himself over it
Weetabix : I concur with Randall. That was worthy of standing up and applauding.
MoPie : I really enjoyed it
Weetabix : you actually do know it. It's bubble gum pop and you've heard it a million times.
MoPie : go Cookie! go Cookie! the battle of the Davids is totally on. okay I will need to listen to the original and then this one again. aw, is Cookie crying? it's okay, little Cookie!
Weetabix : it's so endearing! and yes, I think he's weeping! YES! confirmed with HD big screen
MoPie : Ryan's dumb. "I never thought in a million years I'd hear David Cook doing Mariah Carey." Until you declared it MARIAH CAREY WEEK.
Weetabix : all the girls in the audience just simulatenously orgasmed
MoPie : aw, Cookie! suddenly I want to vote for him.
Weetabix : "LET ME FIX YOU!"
MoPie : hee

JASON "I GET LAID MORE THAN ALL OF THESE CHUMPS COMBINED" CASTRO

MoPie : oh god, Jason Castro
Weetabix : he's such a douche face
MoPie : "I think he's really unique"--Mariah, that's so ungrammatical
Weetabix : wow, falsetto was interesting
MoPie : Jason just hit a ridiculous note
Weetabix : he was trying to channel a dolphin. or maybe that's the noise he uses to clear out his bong? I don't know what that means, actually
MoPie : why does he always make those "I'm about to go in for a kiss" faces?
Weetabix : but bong! funny!
MoPie : stop making lopsided kiss faces. I thought it was funny! if you don't think about it too much
Weetabix : thank you for reassuring me, sort of! However, yes, the faces? They bug.
MoPie : he's got the pimp spot and not sucking... I think Carly or Brooke are in trouble
Weetabix : I think Brooke is in more trouble than Carly... but Carly's definitely in danger
MoPie : Ian: "Ugh! Can they make him cut his hair!"
Weetabix : oooh, but maybe if Randall will harsh his mellow, there's some hope?
MoPie : I love Randy's "beach luau" criticism... and then comes Paula.. "I'd love to be at that luau!"
Weetabix : I would be ok if they just made him wash it
MoPie : hahaha!
Weetabix : Paula is channeling a fiddler crab...
MoPie : hee or Annette Funnicello
Weetabix : ooh, much better than the fiddler crab. also, Simon approves. Hmmm, maybe he's trying to convince everyone that Castro's safe? Is he undermining the vote? I'm trying to determine too much end game.
MoPie : yeah, I think it's pretty evident that the women, buried at the beginning of the performances, are toast... they are safe putting Archibald first, because he is going NOWHERE
Weetabix : Gah, Paula is channeling Rain Man, just randomly repeating the things that Ryan says.. my tivo cut out
MoPie : I fear it may be Carly's week to go
Weetabix : nooooooo! although we have said all along that she was going to break our heart
MoPie : that is what my gut is saying... although Brooke really--now that I see the montage--really was the worst of the night
Weetabix : it does seem that Brooke has earned more voter goodwill than Carly... so, is Carly your prediction?
because I'm going to predict Jason Castro, just because it makes me happy
MoPie : I don't know... actually I think my head says Brooke because Carly got the Aussie in my Pants alignment
Weetabix : either way, you're predicting a girl?
MoPie : oh definitely... Castro was in the pimp spot, both Davids ruled
Weetabix : oh, one can only hope, unless some of the Aussie contingent gets confused by Dane Cook's vest and votes for him
MoPie : I really hope Syesha, unfairly, is voted off. or KFC. KFC would be very satisfying
Weetabix : yes, let's hope for the grievous injustice!


WEETAPIDOL OUT
WEETAPIDOL'S BOOBS ALSO OUT

Top 8: Weetapidol Gives Back

Weetabix: hey there, let me know when you're ready!
Pie: hey there!
Pie: I now have to wrest the TV from Ian
even though I have told him numerous times Weetapidol begun at 11
Weetabix: then you are fully justified in doing what you need to do
Pie: he says "I'm sorry Wendy"
but he is making no move to hand over the TV remote
Weetabix: doesn't he care about the starving children in Africa?
Pie: I may need to throw down
Weetabix: while you are doing that, I am going to procure wine, as I'm confident in your ability to throw down
good luck and god speed
Pie: okay I have sort of been given the TV
I need to queue up the first performance

looks like it's MICHAEL JOHNS
Weetabix: excellent, let me get there
Pie: what wine are you drinking?
I feel that I shouldn't open wine until noon
Weetabix: it's well past noon here
I'm drinking Coppola Cabernet Sauvignon
Pie: how do you like it?
Weetabix: right now, I am munching apples, so haven't sipped
Pie: is that a euphemism?
Weetabix: ha!
Pie: good song, "Dream On"
Weetabix: it is!
it matches his voice very well
he's in the spot of tragedy, though
Pie: he is wearing his ascot again. he and Scooby are going to go off and solve some capers!
Weetabix: ha!
I'm very much enjoying this, and Aussie in my Pants
ooooh, LOVE THE FALSETTO!!!!
fuck, that was hot
Pie: I am enjoying everything except the vest. the ascot and vest.
Weetabix: no, the vest and the ascot are both off-putting
Pie: the vest is shiny.
also, I think the falsetto is a little off
Weetabix: I was ok with that. It's ROCK AND ROLL, MAN!
Pie: he's no Jordan Knight
he is pretty, that Aussie in my Pants… you know, though. I don't think I would recognize him if I saw him on the street
Weetabix: Paula's dress is committing crimes against her breasts
I know. He doesn't go all sexy pants until he starts singing.
Pie: I guess not
Weetabix: I disagree with Simon that he's doing an impersonation.
Pie: I think Simon just called him a a wallaby.
is that an Australian joke?
Weetabix: wannabe, not wallaby
Pie: hee
Weetabix: look at how tall AIMP is next to Ryan… and Ryan's wearing lifts!
Pie: I love how Paula's "my chihuahuas would love that!" was supposed to be a compliment.

Pie: okay next is SYESHA MERCADO
singing Fantasia's coronation song
which is the worst idea ever
I mean I haven't seen the performance but... not a good idea.
Weetabix: by the way, the cab is just aiight, dawg
Pie: this is a hideous song
I can't believe anyone would actually sing it voluntarily
I can't "believe" that.
Weetabix: I only vaguely remember Fantasia singing it during her finale
didn't whatsherface from the first season write this?
Pie: there is a bingo game where you get a square for every word that's in the coronation song… the words are like believe, dream, magic, heart, love, stars... basically the entire lyrics of this song
Weetabix: ha!
Pie: yes, either Tamyra or Trenyce, I don't remember
Weetabix: that's it, Tamyra Grey
you have to give Syesha props for actually looking good in white pants
Pie: why would you sing Fantasia's song when you are not anywhere close to being as charismatic or interesting as Fantasia?
Weetabix: and also, that note? Sort of amazing.
Pie: "I believe" I will not be giving her props for anything.
Weetabix: well, kids these days.
Pie: Randy speaks truth.
Weetabix: Randall is harsh tonight, dawg
Pie: that Fantasia has a special connection with the song, and Syesha sucks
and Syesha is getting all back-talky
I suddenly hate Syesha
Weetabix: back talking the judges is NEVER a good idea, ms. white pants
Paula thinks that it's Syesha's "most shining nights"
Pie: Syesha, SHUT THE HELL UP.

Weetabix: JASON CASTRO
Pie: I have the beginning of the song with a banjo
Weetabix: once again, destroying one of my favorite songs ever
Weetabix: that would be a... not a banjo
Pie: a ukelele, then?
this is all Melikilikimaka
Weetabix: it's supposed to be a ukelele but they only have four strings
and that has six strings on it
wait, maybe it does have four
Pie: (this week is really challenging my ability to spell.)
Weetabix: Isreal Ki... something
Pie: this is lame
the rainbow colors on the audience are also lame
Weetabix: yes, four strings, so a ukelele
Pie: his falsetto is dumb too… I think this is dumb!
Weetabix: it is. He's a douche.
it was without soul
Pie: "blazing molten hot" says Randy… what am I missing?
Weetabix: they crucified Syesha for having no passion, and yet, his was just a complete and utter pale comparison to the original version by Isreal
I don't get it either
and Simon loves it too, WTF?
seriously, I just don't get this guy's attraction
KFC is next

Pie: KENTUCKY FRIED COOK
Pie: pretty sparkle top, and more white pants
Weetabix: oh yes, it is pretty
Pie: maybe they made the Idols wear white pants
Weetabix: maybe? I really like that top
Pie: I don't know this song, but she's singing it pretty well! she's not annoying!
Weetabix: her hair looks extra crispy
Pie: she's got the gospel choir--that's cheating
Weetabix: it totally is
Pie: that wasn't bad, I'm just not excited by her
but that was pretty good--probably the best she's done so far
Weetabix: I enjoy her eye makeup
agreed... so far, the best
what song would you pick for this week
Pie: for inspiration songs? hmm.
I'm trying to think of an inspirational song on my iPod that I sing aloud to in the car, but I can't think of anything--unless "A New Day Has Come" by Celine Dion counts
what about you?
Weetabix: I don't know... that's a toughie
I think I would have a hard time picking between Kylie Minogue's "I believe in you" and U2's "You Can't Make It On Your Own"


Weetabix: DAVID COOK
Weetabix: now a white jacket
it's a strange week for wardrobe
or they just picked up Oxy Clean as a sponsor
Pie: this is a strange song
I like Dane Cook, but this is an odd choice
just in terms of the range of his voice... like it's pitched too low or something
Weetabix: hmm
Pie: I like Our Lady Peace but I don't remember this song... so maybe the song is just weird and rangey
Weetabix: it is a strange song, and I've never heard it before
Pie: what did David Cook have on his hand? you have HDTV and I have youtube… I am counting on you
Weetabix: "give back"
Pie: Paula is being irritating tonight--refusing to say anything critical, and getting all chirpy at Randy and Simon if they say anything critical
Weetabix: I think it's because the bodice of her dress is preventing her ability to breathe
Pie:David was much better the past two weeks than he was tonight
Weetabix: agreed
Pie: and how is writing "give back" on your hand "a nice thing to do"? it's poseury and self-indulgent
Weetabix: I agree with Simon about the white jacket. I don't like it.


Pie: let us move on to CARLY SMITHSON
my favorite
she just said she was singing a Queen song. I believe someone in the comments called for a moratorium on Queen songs.
violins are pretty
Carly is pretty
her voice is pretty
Weetabix: those are some high-waisted pants
Pie: she kind of looks like a lady wrestler in that outfit
Weetabix: ha! wearing the semi-championship belt
oh, I just thought of an inspirational song! Defying Gravity!
Pie: oh hell to the yeah
Weetabix: I'm sorry, I didn't find that very inspiring
Pie: I enjoyed it because I love her. also I don't know the song. sometimes that works in my favor.
Paula is being critical? for the first time? here?
Weetabix: Esteban just walked through for some Pirate's Booty and said that it was all very screechy in here
Pie: "oversang it" might be a pretty good criticism
Weetabix: seriously, am I the only one who is disturbed by Paula's chest?
Pie: Paula's boobs are really low on the list of fashion sins she has committed this season
Weetabix: granted, but this really looks uncomfortable
archie is next
Pie: if that top was clear, she could just wear it into the doctor's office whenever she needed a mammogram
Weetabix: the top IS a mammogram

DAVID ARCHULETA
Pie: I believe the word "angel" is on the bingo list.
wow, I just found a youtube video of Archie singing this same song way back in the day,
Weetabix: isn't this a Robbie Williams song?
Pie: did we know that Archie could play the piano?
Weetabix: I knew, but only because I stalked him on Youtube a few weeks ago
Pie: my audio is out of sync with my video… it is quite the viewing experience
Weetabix: I'm sorry, because this is very good
Pie: yes, it is quite good
reminds me why little baby Xander is the front runner
also he is wearing white too
Weetabix: I'm going with the OxyClean theory
Pie: Carly was exempt from the white mandate
Weetabix: which is why Carly isn't going to win
Archie always looks like he's going to cry
Pie: I'll need to re-watch this performance later and find a better clip of it
Weetabix: agreed with Simon, best song choice of the night
Pie: definitely
Weetabix: ok, I'm disturbed by the 8-year-old in the audience holding a sign that urged Archie to "Lick Those Lips"
Brooke is next
Pie: eeeeeeeew


BROOKE WHITE
Weetabix: seriously, wtf?
Pie: I am paused on a piano… and on nausea
Weetabix: go!
Pie: three minutes until noon! almost time for wine!
Weetabix: I know, I've been watching the clock for you
Pie: she has pretty hair, that Brooke.
Weetabix: she does indeed. I wonder what condition she uses?
Pie: she just hit an off note on "soon"
Weetabix: although, I'm not liking her dress. It hits at a bad spot on her leg.
it's not doing her any favors.
Pie: she sounds a little short of breath, too. is she sick?
Weetabix: maybe. Paula said that Archuleta needed to get some sleep too
maybe the sickies are still making their way through the Idols
why does Brooke rub me the wrong way?
I don't get it. I should like her, and yet, I resist.
Pie: I don't know... I like her
way more than KFC and that snot Syesha
Weetabix: I like her way better than every girl remaining, save for Carly
oooh, she's got the wavering voice
Pie: now she's on stage naming people in a quavering voice
myee piyaanoo teecheerrrr
"you're definitive"? what the hell does that mean, Paula?
that's like "you're Brooke White."
Weetabix: is this Brooke's schtick, though? Always practically crying?
see, I'm cynical
Pie: I think it might be. she does look like she's going to burst into tears at any moment
Weetabix:also, it's a minute past noon in CA
Pie: WINE TIME, BITCHEZ!
Weetabix: by Ryan telling America that Brooke was shaking, he just ensured that she's going to coast into the top 5
Pie: Ryan knows what's up
so should we pretend to wonder about who's going home?
Weetabix: shit, Idol Gives back isn't 2 hours, it's 2.5 hours
Pie: that is a lot of hours
I would have said Syesha, by the way
Weetabix: agreed
I was very afraid it would be Cookie
Pie: I was terrified it would be Carly
Weetabix: let me know when you're ready for Weetapidol Gives Back
Pie: okay I have wine.. Sauvignon Blanc


WEETAPIDOL GIVES BACK
Pie: there is going to be a whole assload of filler during the next two and a half hours
Weetabix: and dude, they rented out the Kodak theatre!
Pie: can we Fast Forward through tragic montages of orphans?
Weetabix: yes, we can fast forward through orphans
I've got a scroll alerting me of the fact that Wheel of Fortune will not be seen at its regular time so that we can have 2.5 hours of tragic orphans
Pie: okay there's some type of opening number here
Weetabix: and also, flashy dance numbers
Pie: people are dancing with weird abandon
Weetabix: I'm still recovering from last year
Pie: and not much control over their bodies
where's Debbie Allen when you need her?
I like Syesha's peacock earrings
Weetabix: I really love Syesha's earrings, with the peacock--jinx!
Pie: I am already tired of looking at Jason Castro
Syesha's earrings are the opposite of Jordin Sparks's earrings!
(if we had a lexicon, I would now link to it.)
Weetabix: seriously, though, the abs on that middle dancer? Kind of amazing.
oooooh! PLUS SIZE DANCER!
Pie: I think these might be dancers on a reality show
Weetabix: did you see her!
Pie: yay! bring back the plus size dancer!!
I did see her! awesoming all over the stage!
if she's on a reality show, I want to watch it!
Weetabix: agreed!
there is a plus size dancer on a reality show, I think. I don't remember which one, though.
Pie: maybe Ryan will explain at the end
Weetabix: So You Think You Can Dance!
Pie: so here's the thing.. I heard that most of the money they raised last year hasn't been distributed yet
like, what's the holdup, people?
Weetabix: oh, that's interesting!
Pie: I am now very cynical about these people and their orphans.
Weetabix: the guy sitting next to Randy in the audience looks very nonplussed by Ryan's dancing
OMG Kylie! I love her
Pie: she does not appear to be singing the locomotion
AND WHY NOT, I ASK YOU
oh god, is Maria Shriver on here? is she still a skeleton?
Weetabix: the world grieves. also, for the orphans
she does look like Skelator. go back to Greyskull!
Pie: Ben Stiller is amusing
Weetabix: I find him funny
Pie: me too!
Weetabix: and also, do we have orphans?
or is this about recycling?
Pie: tragic montage
it is about clean drinking water
WHICH IS VERY IMPORTANT

Pie Snoop... Dogg....??
oh my god, look at his microphone
how much do I love Snoop Dogg?
Weetabix: hey, snoop got a heart, yo, just ask his bitches!
Pie: Snoop Dogg and little urchins!!
Weetabix: aw! little snoop dawg fans!
Pie: I like Other Dogg's sparkly hat
Weetabix: I love Snoop's unabashed love of wearing items that have his name on it… like "This is Snoop Dawg's hoodie"
Pie: hee!
Weetabix: ok, the diamond in that guy's ear? it's so huge that it's actually making his head list
Pie: Ian on Kobe Bryant: "What happened to his face? Did a woman hit him while he was raping her?"
Weetabix: HA! paused on some wrestler guy
Pie: I believe his name is Triple H
Weetabix: it probably says that right on his birth certificate
Pie: somehow I don't think Triple H fans and American Idol fans intersect
Weetabix: I don't know. Bucky Covington's fans probably loooove them some wrassling
Pie: Paula is wearing a very very pretty dress
oh god, they're talking about the obesity crisis!!!
Weetabix: yes, Randall, tell us about that while wearing your double-breasted suit
Pie:Ian: "Let's hear it for Jordin Sparks!!" (pause) "oh, they weren't introducing her?"
Weetabix: ha!

Pie: fast foward poverty montage?
Weetabix: yes. poor fat kids
Pie: now I've got Carrie Underwood doing some plumbing
I just saw this clip on Best Week Ever!
Teri is going to sing "Before He Cheats"? I love this song!
Weetabix: I do like her outfit though
Pie: DON'T FUCK IT UP, TERI.
Weetabix: dude, she's not bad
considering how hard it probably is for her to move her face
Pie: heeee
no, she's really not bad!
Weetabix: although, that? not a good note
Pie: she's skipping the middle of the song
and also, Carrie Underwood sings the fuck out of this song
Weetabix: the guy playing violin looks like Dr. Chase from House, also, that's the plumber playing guitar
Pie: is it really?
Weetabix: is that Jack Wagner?
Pie: oh yeah it is! that's Mike on Desperate Housewives.
Weetabix: I don't know, he's hot
Pie: he's her boyfriend on the show, hence the little plumbing skit.
Weetabix: oh, the band is called "as seen on TV"
Pie: he plays a plumber.
Weetabix: seriously, I think that's Chase from House… who is, by the way, totally hot
Pie: wait, Carrie Underwood was there? and Teri sang the song? instead?
Weetabix: Billy Crystal... speaking of totally plastic face!
Pie: who is Mary Murphy?
Weetabix: I have no fucking idea
Pie: they just said Carrie Underwood would be up later
Weetabix: I think Mary Murphy is a country star?
I fucking hate her
Pie: I am ffing her screaming
Weetabix: you are ffing smart
Pie: hee

Weetabix: paused on cute boys
Pie: Jonas Brothers, they are the opening act for Hannah Montana.
I hope Billy Crystal does a singing montage
Weetabix: so, watch HIS face, it's smoother than it was in Harry Met Sally
Pie: I think he's just gained weight, quite frankly
Weetabix: maybe
Pie: this is now what Billy Crystal is reduced to, since there's no more Comic Relief
Robin Williams and Whoopi Goldberg are waiting in the wings
Weetabix: they fixed Miley Cyrus' teeth
Pie: this is going to be the first time I ever listen to Miley Cyrus singing!
Weetabix: she's got an annoying little bubble gum song on the radio right now
also, it's not "Seerus" it's Cy-rus
Pie: I think that's the joke
he's pretending nobody knows who she is
but really she's famous, see? ha, ha?
Weetabix: thank you, because sometimes the humor escapes me
Pie: well, it's more like "humor"
Weetabix: was this done during the writer's strike? all of this dialogue here?
Pie: it's painful… poor Billy Crystal
Weetabix: see, his reactions don't even work with all the 'Tox
Pie: I think there is no 'tox… Notox! ha!!! sorry, the wine is kicking in.
Weetabix: oooh, Oscars slam… harsh
Pie: FACE
and now they're plugging Monsters, Inc.
DISNEY! DISNEY!
Weetabix: heee!
I do love Monster's Inc
Pie: me too… this schtick is going on for a really long time
okay thank god it's over
Weetabix: the Liberace's jacket? Not funny
Pie: Liberace jokes are funny only to 800 year old people… or my grandmother, who is dead
Weetabix: I want a bedazzled microphone stand!
Pie: what is she doing with her hand? she's making little claw! it's a Taylor homage!
Weetabix: oh it is!
Pie: (I would link to the lexicon here) she's all spazzy
Weetabix: as though she even knows who Taylor is. What was she, four, during his season? Is spazzy and crying the new "cool"?
Pie: she's good at interacting with the microphone stand
she doesn't seem to be a very good singer
Weetabix: I enjoy her light effects. It's all pink! no, she's really not. but all the kids love her
Pie: er. okay. I am now officially old.
Weetabix: wow, her new teeth are HUGE!

Pie: oh my gosh, Jacuzzi is back!
Weetabix: oh my god, Amanda Overmyer!
Pie: and there's Nurse Ratched!
Weetabix: If I got Castro, I'd be pissed
Pie: where are those blondies? weren't there a few blondies at the beginning of the season who got kicked off?
Weetabix: were they top 12?
Pie: maybe not
Weetabix: before the 12, though
Pie: the phone bank thing is cute
it would be so exciting to be on the phone with David Cook and Ryan Seacrest!
Weetabix: orphans! this is that U2 song, by the way…the one I was saying was inspiring
Pie: I know it's very sad and Bono rules…I will donate money to some charity that will actually distribute my money to the orphans… someone in the comments, tell me a charity!! I like clean drinking water charities
Weetabix: I'm fond of Kiva, myself… although that's not really a charity
Pie: Julianne Moore, by the way, annoys the shit out of me her teeth bug me… like, her teeth when she smiles… that weird creepy smile
Weetabix: I think she's got veneers. everyone in Hollywood has veneers these days
Pie: FERGIE AND JOHN LEGEND….talk about your Botox
Weetabix: I really don't like Fergie, yeah, total manface
Pie: Jenna Fischer did an interview recently where she said she wouldn't whiten her teeth like everyone else in Hollywood, because Pam would not whiten her teeth… I love Jenna Fischer
Weetabix: oh, that's awesome
Pie: should we ff this thing?
Weetabix: thank you
Pie: it is crappy and Fergie's face is anoying
isn't she too young to have that Botox face?

Weetabix: paused for HEART!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Pie: OMG!!!! GO!!
Weetabix: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Pie: OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Weetabix: YAYAYAYAYAYA!!!
Pie: link the picture again! link the picture!!
Weetabix: oh my god, I really did look like Ann Wilson at Halloween!
Pie: best costume ever! she's fantastic.
did she just sing something about a woodchuck? a wood shop?
Weetabix:freaking Fergie just walked out…someone needs to tap fergie on the shoulder and be like "um, dear? Your time is done."…
Pie: Heart rocks. Fergie did just hit a good note, though.
Weetabix:I love Ann and Nancy Wilson so much…seriously, Nancy Wilson is my American Idol.
Pie: seriously, isn't Fergie in her 30s? why does she look like Joan Rivers?
Weetabix: yes, she was on Kids Incorporated with Martika, before Martika had Toy Soldiers
Pie: I love how Fergie looks so inconsequential next to Ann Wilson. although one-handed cartwheels....
Weetabix: although the one handed cartwheels are impressive
Pie: I do have to give her points for that shit. she made that look effortless, and kept singing. okay, Fergie, I applaud you. …

Pie: Amanda Overmeyer is gaping blankly into the camera…. Ryan just blew a kiss into the wrong camera and then made a gay joke. I am amused!
Weetabix: Ryan made a gay joke! heee! that was almost as good as heart
Pie: Eli and Peyton Manning
this is your territory… this "football" thing
Weetabix: what, because it's football?
Pie: Ian just walked into the room naked
Weetabix: Jesus, woman!
Pie: I felt you should know
Weetabix: thank you for that… Eli Manning and Peyton Manning have been my fantasy football QBs
Pie: does that mean you sexually fantasize about them? is that what "fantasy football" is all about? holy shit, POSH AND BECKS
Weetabix: that Becks has the wussiest voice ever
Pie: Posh has such fantastic hair.
Weetabix: Posh is like "I'wwl donate my entyuh food budget for one yeah. $300 of your American dollars!"
Pie: hee
Ian (with clothes on): "Those are Idols answering the phone? Where's Sanjaya?"

Weetabix: Annie Lennox! whatever happened to the other guy from the Eurhythmics… I am too wined to spell that correctly
Pie: nobody cares… my wine is broken
Weetabix: no, probably not. He's all Andrew Ridgley now. stealth orphan montage in the background! No fair!
Pie: Annie Lennox is too fabulous to fit anyone else on the stage with her
Weetabix: if Fergie comes cartwheeling out right now, that would rock
Pie: her voice is beautiful, this song is lovely…hee. she should cartwheel through the whole show. I am going to get more wine, and let Annie's voice follow me into the kitchen
Weetabix: she could be like that clown on Evening at the Apollo
Pie: I really love this song… I've never heard it before, but I'm digging it…Ian says it's by someone I hate…. oh god, UB40. well I like the ANNIE LENNOX VERSION.
Weetabix: yes, you're allowed to like anything that Annie Lennox touches… I'm sorry, I have to watch the stupid Ford commercial because it's using one of my favorite songs in the background…Angels and Airwaves has apparently sold out, wtf?! that pisses me off
Pie: tragedy montage with Celine Dion
Weetabix: Celine is an angel… by the way
Pie: Simon Cowell humor… hee
Weetabix: I am pro questioning of the Simon Cowell nipples
because I ponder these thoughts as well
there's Jordin Sparks!
Pie: more depressing talking… I am paused on Carrie in a stunning dress
Weetabix: I really do like the dress… I wish she were standing though, so I could see it… she likes the stools
Pie: hee!!!! poop!!!!
Weetabix: heee!
Pie: it always amazes me the confidence that these former Idols have when they come back… it's like "yeah bitches, I'm a star now!"… in comparison to how they were previously. god, what a dress. it's perfect for her.
Weetabix: yes, it clearly convinces them that they are worth it or something… I didn't watch Carrie's season.
Pie: she has fuzzy shoulders!
Weetabix: really!?
Pie: Carrie's season was boring, and Carrie was boring.
I don't even remember liking anyone from that season.
Weetabix: not even Bo Bice?
Pie: I rooted for Bo, but it was kind of halfhearted
Weetabix: who strikes me as a bit... I don't know.... hick
Pie: as opposed to DAUGHTRY
Weetabix: oh my god… do you think they got Daughtry?!
Pie: I am still sad I missed the DAUGHTRY concert in Munich
Weetabix: I am sad for you
Pie: if Daughtry comes out, I'm telling you right now, I'm going to have seven orgasms… I have been watching his Hemorrhage performance... a lot.
Weetabix: I'm kind of sad that I didn't go to the Idol concert when the top 10 was touring. My sister brought Abby and asked if I wanted to go… heeee!
Pie: I know. I was thinking of going this season. I'd like to see Carly and David Cook
Weetabix: this season might be worth it… during Chris's season, all I could think of was stupid Taylor
Pie: and I looked at Daughtry's tour schedule; he's playing county fairs and stuff…if I flew to Indiana to see the Indiana county fair to see Daughtry, would that be weird?
Weetabix: no
Pie: THERE WAS WHOOPI!!! Comic Relief! Told you!
Weetabix: yes, where are her eyebrows!
Pie: Ellen, who I also love
Weetabix: she's standing in front of a blue screen and NOT the idol stage.. I cry shenanigans!
Pie: you are SO RIGHT… this is pretaped… probably all of them were pretaped… SHADY.
Weetabix: apparently she was supposed to cohost but it interfered with her taping schedule… which also, sounds convenient
Gloria Estefan… I'll bet she cuts Fergie when she tries to hone in
Pie: hee… I feel inclined to ff
Weetabix: also, Sheila E! When was the last time she came out and got applause… ok… ff

Pie: I love Sarah Silverman
Weetabix: are slips over shirts in style now?
Pie: she's annoying and yet funny somehow
Weetabix: agreed… I actually think she's pretty brilliant. her dress has pockets… that's very in right now
Pie: yeah--I love that she's a successful female comic
and now she's talking about malaria
Weetabix: montage approaching
Pie: I want to buy a mosquito net!
Weetabix: I love that Elliott got stuck sitting in front of the Exxon guys
Pie: Idol phone bank
Weetabix: stupid Castro
Pie: yes, my thought exactly….
there's the prime minister. wait... that's not Hugh Grant!
Weetabix: how bad is it that I thought "Wait, what happened to Tony Blair?" I should watch the news more often
Pie: Tony Blair is probably closer than Hugh Grant as he was prime minister in real life, not just in Love Actually.
Weetabix: well, Hugh Grant's prime minister was fictional… but fictionally, he's probably still in office… whereas Tony Blair obs lost an election… or something
Pie: he resigned, I believe. maybe I'm wrong.
it was a couple of years ago. he was very unpopular after the Iraq thing
Weetabix: ok, it was less than a year ago. He was prime minister until June 2007… dude, Meatloaf is shilling for AT& T… that's just WRONG
Pie: wait, Reese Witherspoon appears to be actually there on the Idol stage… I am slightly incredulous
Weetabix: weird… I LOVE her dress but her eye make up? so tragic… it's like she's been crying backstage for an hour…
Pie: she's crying about the children… "the children"

Weetabix: oh my god!
Pie: Idols singing RENT!!!!!
Weetabix: SEASONS OF LOVE!
Pie: OLWJ!$))!(!N#$KN!$K!#$*(@$#*@
Weetabix: I take it back… I want THIS as my inspirational song… NO DAY BUT TODAY!
Pie: all the high parts are missing
Weetabix: it is arranged strangely
Pie: whose voice is overpowering everything?
Weetabix: Syesha could be singing the high parts. I think it's Brooke
Pie: thank god for the gospel choir… the Idols, sadly, can't handle this
Weetabix: yes, the gospel choir can do harmony, no, clearly the Idols can't
Pie: and it's mean that they left out the people backstage who already got voted off… "Sorry, Chickeze, we have room for a gospel choir, but you keep your mouth shut."
Weetabix: yeah, someone's voice is overpowering the group stuff…also, KFC’s solo? horribly disappointing
Pie: KFC is sucking on her solo.
Weetabix: Carly is awesome though.
Pie: agreed… Jason Castro is a douche… Archie rules
Weetabix: Castro is a mofo douche
Pie: Syesha did well, Ausie did well
Weetabix: Dane Cook jumps over the MOOOOOOON
Pie: Dane Cook did well although is a tool…he is making tooly faces
Weetabix: he's not a tool! I enjoy him!
Pie: TOOLY FACES… rewind his solo… I guarantee you will see a tooly face
Weetabix: well, maybe it's contagious! maybe Jason Castro is the source and slowly infecting everyone
Pie: Brooke got no solo… OH MY GOD…it's the actual Dane Cook!
Weetabix: real Dane Cook!
Pie: my brain is going to explode!!!! REAL DANE COOK?
Weetabix: I want to sort of chew on him… even though? There's a mofo tool
Pie: next comes Nicholas Brendan just to fuck me up
Weetabix: ha! I actually lol'd… although who matches a brown shirt to a black blazer?
Pie: at Dane Cook? I'm sorry.
Weetabix: no, I lol'd at you
Pie: hee
Weetabix: I just want to bite Dane Cook's love monkey
Pie: that is tragic. Commercials!

Weetabix: paused on some rando girls… whom I do not recognize
Pie: those are the High School Musical girls!!!
Weetabix: but one kind of looks like the younger version of the mom on Gossip Girl
Pie: it's Sharpei and Gabrielle! Where have you been!!
Weetabix: not watching High School Musical, that's where
Pie: Vanessa Hudgens makes an annoying smile mouth… often while naked on the internet
Weetabix: more Miley… this is that song that's all over the radio… it makes Esteban crazy
Pie: I saw this clip on Best Week Ever too… apparently she does some vaginal displaying. wait for it.
Weetabix: the chorus goees "nah nah nah nah!" in a bitchy face… she's only 15. She should not be displaying her vagina

Pie: Robin Williams!! The Comic Relief trifecta!
Weetabix: COMEDY!
Pie: oh my god, stop talking, Robin Williams
Pie: this show is degenerating
Weetabix: I'd like the screaming lady back, please
Pie: me too. and Reese Witherspoon. and Miley Cyrus's genitals.
I have ff'd to Rob.. Schneider... for... some... reason
Weetabix: are you sure that it's not still Robin Williams?
Pie: I thought Bono was maybe Robin Williams
Weetabix: Bono just died a little bit


Pie: oh god Tyra Banks! paused on Tyra.speaking of Best Week Ever, Tyra is on that every week, going something effing insane
Weetabix: things are looking up, because I enjoy the insane Tyra moments
that was blue screen too, by the way
Pie: yes
Weetabix: david spade always looks like he'd smell like old burritos
Pie: David Spade, eh?
harmonica montage
Weetabix: I would like to not ff through this montage, as there's a chance of brad pitt
Pie: okay, we will not… any chance of Brad Pitt makes it worth watching
Weetabix: there he is
Pie: there he is, looking all Brad Pitty
Weetabix: I hope maybe he takes off his shirt
Pie: that would elevate this montage
Weetabix: if he takes off his shirt, I will give Katrina victims $100 this minute
and in the notes part of my check, I'll write "pitt chest reveal"
Pie: I just don't trust my money will get to them if I donate
like didn't people donate so much to Red Cross?
Weetabix: oooh, Bill Clinton
they did
Pie: and these people are still displaced?
it makes me frustrated
at least Brad Pitt is taking action!
Weetabix: it is frustrating. The problem is that the government did fucking nothing
Pie: GO BRAD! GO BRAD!
indeed, that is the problem.
Weetabix: oh, he's just shopping for a new kid for Angelina
Pie: oooooh, low blow!!
Weetabix: heh
Pie: drunky
Weetabix: it's the wine
Pie: (I feel the need to tell the readers that I just spoke to you on the phone and you are drunky)
(you did not make sentences)
Weetabix: (yes, behind Weetapidol Gives Back"
Pie: (and just then you did not make punctuation)
Weetabix: (no I did not)
well, thanks Brad Pitt, for not taking off your shirt and costing the victims of Katrina a hundred bucks.
Pie: Brad Pitt NOT BLUE SCREEN OR MONTAGE!!!
Weetabix: ooh, there he is again!
Pie: TAKE OFF YOUR SHIRT!!
Weetabix: double double! like an In n Out burger!
his mic isn't working
Pie: no, it sure is not
Weetabix: is that Molly Shannon?
dude the AV woman is funnier than Paula
Pie: hee. no, I think that's an Idol person!
Weetabix: I do not approve of his pork pie hat
Pie: oh he is pretty
I was just going to say his hat is hot
Weetabix: really?
Pie: yes
Weetabix: oh, you're that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[Editor's note: no idea what that was supposed to mean.]
DAUGHTRY!!!!!!!!!
Pie: DAUGHTRY!!! IS HE THERE!!!
Weetabix: we have to watch this montage too
Pie: YEAH we do.
Weetabix: because of the DAUGHTRY!!!!!!
Pie: he is singing. in his DAUGHTRY!!! voice.
TAKE OFF YOUR SHIRT!
Weetabix: he's singing to the poor children!
oh my god, I would give a thousand dollars!
Pie: I want to lick his head.
Weetabix: to the poor children of.. wherever that is
why is daughtry wearing that stocking cap, detracting from his beauty?
Pie: he is wearing a shirt with Africa on it. let's go with Africa.
Weetabix: he's so rough trade. It's just distracting.
Pie: yes, I like better when he is capless.
Weetabix: yes, we'll go with Africa. The entire continent.
I can't see his wallet chain, but in my reality, it is there
Pie: don't tell anyone, but I really want to have all the sex with Chris Daughtry.
Weetabix: I will not tell a soul
and also, can I watch?
Pie: somehow that sounds less sexy
Weetabix: yay, he took off the hat. But not his shirt.
Pie: would you sit in a chair in the corner?
Weetabix: probably. like pay for performance.
maybe closed circuit camera
from another room
Pie: "we're Daughtry"… poor bandmates
who "are Daughtry"
yet they probably have names
Weetabix: yes, the guy with the hat is like "fuck you, Chris."
again with the Angels and Airwaves Ford commercial
damn them!
Damn stupid... whatever his name is from Blink 182
Tom something
I'm drunk
Pie: it's almost over
note who they saved to the end... Brad Pitt and Daughtry
Daughtry was even AFTER Brad Pitt
Weetabix: wait, Miley Cyrus did two songs and Daughtry didn't do any live?
Pie: why do they hate me?
Weetabix: that is true
my tivo cut out
Pie: my show is over!
Weetabix: I don't even know how it ends
damn it!
Pie: they probably just said "give now"
Weetabix: that is what I choose to believe
if we find out later that they cut back and then it was Daughtry live on stage? Imma cut a bitch.


RESULTS SHOW
Pie:the very beginning.. Cookie is glaring into the camera
Weetabix:ok! go!
Pie:KFC looks pretty
Weetabix:last year, didn't they totally not eliminate someone during the Gives Back week?
or am I on drugs/drunk?
Pie: no, you're correct, they did not
do you think Ryan has a little orgasm whenever he says "A... MERICAN Idol."
rrrooo rrrrrrooooo!
Weetabix:I think he gets chills and maybe a little precum
Pie:wow, that was... very specific.
Weetabix:I set up the target and take aim. I am nothing if not precise.
Pie:ff recap, we just saw it
Weetabix:you know what Idol Gives Back was missing?
Josh Brogan!
I mean, Groban!
Pie:hee
yes, it was definitely missing Mr. "Brogan.\"
okay I am ready for Idol medley
Weetabix:oh, the AV lady got to be in the recap!
and in the come back! go!
Pie:ok
Weetabix:very goddy
Pie:"My Jesus, my savior"?
it is very goddy… what if some of the Idols are not Christian?
Weetabix:or the audience
Pie:well sure, the audience too.
"praise to the king"?
Weetabix:and actually, Jesus was so way against making a big deal about giving to charities
Pie:seems a little... weird
hee. you can totally tell who is Christian and who isn't.
KLC is, Cookie isn't.
Weetabix:it's considered a big sin, actually. You're supposed to donate quietly and not make a big deal about it.
Pie:just look at their faces.
Castro looks annoyed.
Weetabix:you're right
Castro's like "hey, religious people, vote for me!"
Pie:Aussie looks like he's just focusing on the singing part and ignoring the words.
KFC looks like she's been waiting for this her whole life.
Weetabix:Archie's just having a flashback to last Sunday when his dad beat him after church
Pie:no kidding. poor Archie.
he's got his stage face mask on.
Syesha is annoying.
YOU BUG ME, SYESHA.

Pie:paused on two young urchins.
Weetabix:paused on yes!
Pie:little lads, one of whom appaears to be wearing a backwards shirt.
these are more Disney channel urchins
Weetabix:the monkees!
Pie:Eddie Izzard in the montage!!
Weetabix: Esteban just said that Eddie Izzard doesn't look right out of drag
Pie:more blue screen! Ricki Lake! some people I don't recognize! Camryn Manheim!
Weetabix:I'll bet that Davy Jones and Peter Tork were available if they'd only have asked
isn't that Kim Kardashian?
Pie:Dr. Phil? oh god.
Weetabix:that's the screeching girl, Mary Martin
Pie:thankfully, I don't know what Kim Kardashian looks like
Weetabix:she's got a big ass. That's her claim to fame
that was Kyra Sedgwick. Esteban just got interested.
I have the same shirt as cameron manheim!
Pie:Camryn
Weetabix:right!
Pie:drunky
Weetabix:I think you should redo your living room and have the Idol safety couches… that would be a good look! plus, room for Goulash
Pie:so they call them out one by one from backstage? have they been doing this all season?
Weetabix: yes, it's dumb
because you know the first person called out will be safe
Pie:Randy is wearing a capital-T tacky shirt
Weetabix:I wish I could wear cap sleeves like Brooke
they are actually flattering on her
Pie:see, Brooke is endearing!
Weetabix:she is
and still wearing white
Dane Cook! Will he be safe?
he doesn't look like he's happy.
Pie:no
Weetabix:do you think that key around his neck is to a Ford Focus?
Pie:hee. Jake shoutout!
Weetabix:heee!
yay, Dane Cook is safe
Pie:safe! he can drive his Ford Focus over to the couches.
Weetabix:something strange is happening on the pocket of his jeans
Pie:like Archie will be in the bottom three.
Weetabix:Archie!
Pie:puh-leeze.
Weetabix:maybe? you never know
although with all the Miley Cyrus and stuff, they are really pandering to the tweens
Pie:no effing way.
he is like a tiny sweet puppy, who everyone votes for.
Weetabix:he really is
I would vote for him too! He's adorable
I want to protect him.
David's family was his abusive father and apparently three backup singers
Carly looks pissed off
Pie:heh
I really want Syesha gone. why do I hate her so much? I don't know, but suddenly I do.
also Jason Castro is annoying.
Weetabix:paused on Dr. Fucking Phil. go!
Pie:go! I totally missed that Forrest Whitaker was on Idol Gives Back
or was he not?
Weetabix:yes, it was during one of the ff montages
Pie:Paula's top is cute… ruffles!
Weetabix:Randy's shirt is like the throw you'd see in the back of a stoner van
Paula's shirt is cute, agreed… and for that, her breasts are thankful
Pie:Jordin singing!
wait, aren't there only a few minutes left?
Weetabix:yay Jordin
no, it's an hour long
Jordin has streaks in her hair
Pie:er... not according to my tivo… I hate to break it to you
Weetabix:uh-oh
your tivo didn't record the whole thing
Pie:how's Jordin doing? I feel like I haven't seen anything of her since she won
Weetabix:she's been on the radio
Pie:yeah my tivo is about to cut this off
Weetabix:I don't understand this song, quite honestly
Pie:done
Weetabix:"can't live can't breathe with no air"
the whole song is composed of them singing "no air"
Pie:well that's certainly saying it
"can't eat if I have no food"
"can't drink if there ain't no drinks"
Weetabix:"no food, no foooooooood"
Pie:I will just make up the rest of this song while you watch.
Weetabix:I'm going to sing that at the grocery store next week
ok! I do really like Jordin's outfit. It's very cute.
Pie:"can't dress if I have no clothes"
"can't sing if I've lost my voice"
Weetabix:How do you expect Jordin to breathe with no clothes?
Pie:exactly. that's the message of this song.
Weetabix:she keeps cupping her breast
she's got like 5 inch heels on
I have to say that I'm impressed that she can walk so smoothly with those things
I'm guessing that they are Christian LeBoutin
that is my educated guess
Pie: okay
Weetabix:I would say the dress is from Macy's, but it might be couture from D&G again
Pie: I wish I could wear those shoes… I am jealous of people with small feet who can walk in heels. I would wear Christian Louboutin heels everywhere I went
Weetabix:I would too. Actaully, I would wear Gucci… Gucci really fits my foot well
they are displaying all of Jordin's golden records
and one million downloads of the single "No Air"
Pie:really?
Weetabix:"how can you expect me to poop, when there's no paper, no paper"
Pie:I've seriously never even heard of this song.
hahahaha
Weetabix:it's on the Top 40 radio station all the fucking time
Michael Chicklis would like to remind you that there are orphans.
and also, Jason Castro was safe
seriously, wtf
KFC is up, and I have to say, her hair is gorgeous
Pie:yeah, well everyone seemed to love that terrible rainbow crap
by which I mean, if I ate a box of crayolas and then pooped, Jason's performance would emerge
Weetabix:because they don't recognize an annoying souless clone
and KFC is safe
and the remaining three backstage are all not safe
they are all the bottom three: Carly, Syesha and Aussie
Pie:Carly, Aussie, and... Syesha?
got it
Weetabix:why do they toy?
with the order like that?
Hillary Clinton recognizes that there are orphans
as does John Mccain
and Obama
Simon thinks America is on line with his feelings on the bottom three
Pie:to build the suspense!
Weetabix:so he thinks it's justified
another break
Syesha is once again wearing amazing earrings
Carly thinks she's gone
you can tell
but she looks gorgeous
Syesha and Carly are safe
which means Aussie's out
and looks a little perplexed
Pie:boo!
poor Aussie
Weetabix:Michael's family and friends are stunned
Pie:but it was inevitable
it was either him or David Cook
Weetabix:and look like they're about to throw down
Pie:Cookie got all the votes
Weetabix:Castro's like "Excelllllent"
oooh, they totally faked them out
Pie:I don't think it's that shocking, quite frankly
Weetabix:Ryan said "Last season, we didn't eliminate anyone at this stage of the competition.... and this week, we're going to say goodbye to Michael Johns"
Pie:which is why I took a huge leap upward in the poll!
Weetabix:I have to say, it is a little sketchy
like, if it had been Archie, would they suddenly have not eliminated someone?
his montage
sorry, Aussie, you were hot
oh so hot
isn't this the first time that he was in the bottom three?
Pie:I think so
Weetabix:Simon says that he's going to miss Aussie
Pie:but am not positive
Weetabix:which was nice
Pie:we'll all miss Aussie, particularly the empty space in your pants
Weetabix:Paula's mouthing "Call me" to him
Pie:no doubt
Weetabix:poor Aussie. He looks upset
Carly is devastated
Syesha is comforting her
Aussie is walking out into the audience and letting people touch him
those lucky people
Carly is still weeping
Pie:Carly so thought she was gone
Weetabix:clearly
Pie:I love Carly
Weetabix:ooh, falsetto!
Pie:I think she's gone soon
Weetabix:nice
I do too, sadly
she doesn't have the likability of, say, Brooke
and that's where my Tivo cuts out
Pie:sigh
Weetabix:yes
Pie:okay then, it's been a fun twenty seven hours since we began this
Weetabix:I now must just put all of my hopes toward Dane Cook
Pie:but I really have to go!
Weetabix:indeed. What a marathon
ok! Weetapidol out!
Give now!
Pie: xoxox drunky! have an awesome Saturday!
Weetabix:you too!