Saturday, April 12, 2008

Top 8: Weetapidol Gives Back

Weetabix: hey there, let me know when you're ready!
Pie: hey there!
Pie: I now have to wrest the TV from Ian
even though I have told him numerous times Weetapidol begun at 11
Weetabix: then you are fully justified in doing what you need to do
Pie: he says "I'm sorry Wendy"
but he is making no move to hand over the TV remote
Weetabix: doesn't he care about the starving children in Africa?
Pie: I may need to throw down
Weetabix: while you are doing that, I am going to procure wine, as I'm confident in your ability to throw down
good luck and god speed
Pie: okay I have sort of been given the TV
I need to queue up the first performance

looks like it's MICHAEL JOHNS
Weetabix: excellent, let me get there
Pie: what wine are you drinking?
I feel that I shouldn't open wine until noon
Weetabix: it's well past noon here
I'm drinking Coppola Cabernet Sauvignon
Pie: how do you like it?
Weetabix: right now, I am munching apples, so haven't sipped
Pie: is that a euphemism?
Weetabix: ha!
Pie: good song, "Dream On"
Weetabix: it is!
it matches his voice very well
he's in the spot of tragedy, though
Pie: he is wearing his ascot again. he and Scooby are going to go off and solve some capers!
Weetabix: ha!
I'm very much enjoying this, and Aussie in my Pants
fuck, that was hot
Pie: I am enjoying everything except the vest. the ascot and vest.
Weetabix: no, the vest and the ascot are both off-putting
Pie: the vest is shiny.
also, I think the falsetto is a little off
Weetabix: I was ok with that. It's ROCK AND ROLL, MAN!
Pie: he's no Jordan Knight
he is pretty, that Aussie in my Pants… you know, though. I don't think I would recognize him if I saw him on the street
Weetabix: Paula's dress is committing crimes against her breasts
I know. He doesn't go all sexy pants until he starts singing.
Pie: I guess not
Weetabix: I disagree with Simon that he's doing an impersonation.
Pie: I think Simon just called him a a wallaby.
is that an Australian joke?
Weetabix: wannabe, not wallaby
Pie: hee
Weetabix: look at how tall AIMP is next to Ryan… and Ryan's wearing lifts!
Pie: I love how Paula's "my chihuahuas would love that!" was supposed to be a compliment.

Pie: okay next is SYESHA MERCADO
singing Fantasia's coronation song
which is the worst idea ever
I mean I haven't seen the performance but... not a good idea.
Weetabix: by the way, the cab is just aiight, dawg
Pie: this is a hideous song
I can't believe anyone would actually sing it voluntarily
I can't "believe" that.
Weetabix: I only vaguely remember Fantasia singing it during her finale
didn't whatsherface from the first season write this?
Pie: there is a bingo game where you get a square for every word that's in the coronation song… the words are like believe, dream, magic, heart, love, stars... basically the entire lyrics of this song
Weetabix: ha!
Pie: yes, either Tamyra or Trenyce, I don't remember
Weetabix: that's it, Tamyra Grey
you have to give Syesha props for actually looking good in white pants
Pie: why would you sing Fantasia's song when you are not anywhere close to being as charismatic or interesting as Fantasia?
Weetabix: and also, that note? Sort of amazing.
Pie: "I believe" I will not be giving her props for anything.
Weetabix: well, kids these days.
Pie: Randy speaks truth.
Weetabix: Randall is harsh tonight, dawg
Pie: that Fantasia has a special connection with the song, and Syesha sucks
and Syesha is getting all back-talky
I suddenly hate Syesha
Weetabix: back talking the judges is NEVER a good idea, ms. white pants
Paula thinks that it's Syesha's "most shining nights"
Pie: Syesha, SHUT THE HELL UP.

Pie: I have the beginning of the song with a banjo
Weetabix: once again, destroying one of my favorite songs ever
Weetabix: that would be a... not a banjo
Pie: a ukelele, then?
this is all Melikilikimaka
Weetabix: it's supposed to be a ukelele but they only have four strings
and that has six strings on it
wait, maybe it does have four
Pie: (this week is really challenging my ability to spell.)
Weetabix: Isreal Ki... something
Pie: this is lame
the rainbow colors on the audience are also lame
Weetabix: yes, four strings, so a ukelele
Pie: his falsetto is dumb too… I think this is dumb!
Weetabix: it is. He's a douche.
it was without soul
Pie: "blazing molten hot" says Randy… what am I missing?
Weetabix: they crucified Syesha for having no passion, and yet, his was just a complete and utter pale comparison to the original version by Isreal
I don't get it either
and Simon loves it too, WTF?
seriously, I just don't get this guy's attraction
KFC is next

Pie: pretty sparkle top, and more white pants
Weetabix: oh yes, it is pretty
Pie: maybe they made the Idols wear white pants
Weetabix: maybe? I really like that top
Pie: I don't know this song, but she's singing it pretty well! she's not annoying!
Weetabix: her hair looks extra crispy
Pie: she's got the gospel choir--that's cheating
Weetabix: it totally is
Pie: that wasn't bad, I'm just not excited by her
but that was pretty good--probably the best she's done so far
Weetabix: I enjoy her eye makeup
agreed... so far, the best
what song would you pick for this week
Pie: for inspiration songs? hmm.
I'm trying to think of an inspirational song on my iPod that I sing aloud to in the car, but I can't think of anything--unless "A New Day Has Come" by Celine Dion counts
what about you?
Weetabix: I don't know... that's a toughie
I think I would have a hard time picking between Kylie Minogue's "I believe in you" and U2's "You Can't Make It On Your Own"

Weetabix: DAVID COOK
Weetabix: now a white jacket
it's a strange week for wardrobe
or they just picked up Oxy Clean as a sponsor
Pie: this is a strange song
I like Dane Cook, but this is an odd choice
just in terms of the range of his voice... like it's pitched too low or something
Weetabix: hmm
Pie: I like Our Lady Peace but I don't remember this song... so maybe the song is just weird and rangey
Weetabix: it is a strange song, and I've never heard it before
Pie: what did David Cook have on his hand? you have HDTV and I have youtube… I am counting on you
Weetabix: "give back"
Pie: Paula is being irritating tonight--refusing to say anything critical, and getting all chirpy at Randy and Simon if they say anything critical
Weetabix: I think it's because the bodice of her dress is preventing her ability to breathe
Pie:David was much better the past two weeks than he was tonight
Weetabix: agreed
Pie: and how is writing "give back" on your hand "a nice thing to do"? it's poseury and self-indulgent
Weetabix: I agree with Simon about the white jacket. I don't like it.

Pie: let us move on to CARLY SMITHSON
my favorite
she just said she was singing a Queen song. I believe someone in the comments called for a moratorium on Queen songs.
violins are pretty
Carly is pretty
her voice is pretty
Weetabix: those are some high-waisted pants
Pie: she kind of looks like a lady wrestler in that outfit
Weetabix: ha! wearing the semi-championship belt
oh, I just thought of an inspirational song! Defying Gravity!
Pie: oh hell to the yeah
Weetabix: I'm sorry, I didn't find that very inspiring
Pie: I enjoyed it because I love her. also I don't know the song. sometimes that works in my favor.
Paula is being critical? for the first time? here?
Weetabix: Esteban just walked through for some Pirate's Booty and said that it was all very screechy in here
Pie: "oversang it" might be a pretty good criticism
Weetabix: seriously, am I the only one who is disturbed by Paula's chest?
Pie: Paula's boobs are really low on the list of fashion sins she has committed this season
Weetabix: granted, but this really looks uncomfortable
archie is next
Pie: if that top was clear, she could just wear it into the doctor's office whenever she needed a mammogram
Weetabix: the top IS a mammogram

Pie: I believe the word "angel" is on the bingo list.
wow, I just found a youtube video of Archie singing this same song way back in the day,
Weetabix: isn't this a Robbie Williams song?
Pie: did we know that Archie could play the piano?
Weetabix: I knew, but only because I stalked him on Youtube a few weeks ago
Pie: my audio is out of sync with my video… it is quite the viewing experience
Weetabix: I'm sorry, because this is very good
Pie: yes, it is quite good
reminds me why little baby Xander is the front runner
also he is wearing white too
Weetabix: I'm going with the OxyClean theory
Pie: Carly was exempt from the white mandate
Weetabix: which is why Carly isn't going to win
Archie always looks like he's going to cry
Pie: I'll need to re-watch this performance later and find a better clip of it
Weetabix: agreed with Simon, best song choice of the night
Pie: definitely
Weetabix: ok, I'm disturbed by the 8-year-old in the audience holding a sign that urged Archie to "Lick Those Lips"
Brooke is next
Pie: eeeeeeeew

Weetabix: seriously, wtf?
Pie: I am paused on a piano… and on nausea
Weetabix: go!
Pie: three minutes until noon! almost time for wine!
Weetabix: I know, I've been watching the clock for you
Pie: she has pretty hair, that Brooke.
Weetabix: she does indeed. I wonder what condition she uses?
Pie: she just hit an off note on "soon"
Weetabix: although, I'm not liking her dress. It hits at a bad spot on her leg.
it's not doing her any favors.
Pie: she sounds a little short of breath, too. is she sick?
Weetabix: maybe. Paula said that Archuleta needed to get some sleep too
maybe the sickies are still making their way through the Idols
why does Brooke rub me the wrong way?
I don't get it. I should like her, and yet, I resist.
Pie: I don't know... I like her
way more than KFC and that snot Syesha
Weetabix: I like her way better than every girl remaining, save for Carly
oooh, she's got the wavering voice
Pie: now she's on stage naming people in a quavering voice
myee piyaanoo teecheerrrr
"you're definitive"? what the hell does that mean, Paula?
that's like "you're Brooke White."
Weetabix: is this Brooke's schtick, though? Always practically crying?
see, I'm cynical
Pie: I think it might be. she does look like she's going to burst into tears at any moment
Weetabix:also, it's a minute past noon in CA
Weetabix: by Ryan telling America that Brooke was shaking, he just ensured that she's going to coast into the top 5
Pie: Ryan knows what's up
so should we pretend to wonder about who's going home?
Weetabix: shit, Idol Gives back isn't 2 hours, it's 2.5 hours
Pie: that is a lot of hours
I would have said Syesha, by the way
Weetabix: agreed
I was very afraid it would be Cookie
Pie: I was terrified it would be Carly
Weetabix: let me know when you're ready for Weetapidol Gives Back
Pie: okay I have wine.. Sauvignon Blanc

Pie: there is going to be a whole assload of filler during the next two and a half hours
Weetabix: and dude, they rented out the Kodak theatre!
Pie: can we Fast Forward through tragic montages of orphans?
Weetabix: yes, we can fast forward through orphans
I've got a scroll alerting me of the fact that Wheel of Fortune will not be seen at its regular time so that we can have 2.5 hours of tragic orphans
Pie: okay there's some type of opening number here
Weetabix: and also, flashy dance numbers
Pie: people are dancing with weird abandon
Weetabix: I'm still recovering from last year
Pie: and not much control over their bodies
where's Debbie Allen when you need her?
I like Syesha's peacock earrings
Weetabix: I really love Syesha's earrings, with the peacock--jinx!
Pie: I am already tired of looking at Jason Castro
Syesha's earrings are the opposite of Jordin Sparks's earrings!
(if we had a lexicon, I would now link to it.)
Weetabix: seriously, though, the abs on that middle dancer? Kind of amazing.
Pie: I think these might be dancers on a reality show
Weetabix: did you see her!
Pie: yay! bring back the plus size dancer!!
I did see her! awesoming all over the stage!
if she's on a reality show, I want to watch it!
Weetabix: agreed!
there is a plus size dancer on a reality show, I think. I don't remember which one, though.
Pie: maybe Ryan will explain at the end
Weetabix: So You Think You Can Dance!
Pie: so here's the thing.. I heard that most of the money they raised last year hasn't been distributed yet
like, what's the holdup, people?
Weetabix: oh, that's interesting!
Pie: I am now very cynical about these people and their orphans.
Weetabix: the guy sitting next to Randy in the audience looks very nonplussed by Ryan's dancing
OMG Kylie! I love her
Pie: she does not appear to be singing the locomotion
oh god, is Maria Shriver on here? is she still a skeleton?
Weetabix: the world grieves. also, for the orphans
she does look like Skelator. go back to Greyskull!
Pie: Ben Stiller is amusing
Weetabix: I find him funny
Pie: me too!
Weetabix: and also, do we have orphans?
or is this about recycling?
Pie: tragic montage
it is about clean drinking water

Pie Snoop... Dogg....??
oh my god, look at his microphone
how much do I love Snoop Dogg?
Weetabix: hey, snoop got a heart, yo, just ask his bitches!
Pie: Snoop Dogg and little urchins!!
Weetabix: aw! little snoop dawg fans!
Pie: I like Other Dogg's sparkly hat
Weetabix: I love Snoop's unabashed love of wearing items that have his name on it… like "This is Snoop Dawg's hoodie"
Pie: hee!
Weetabix: ok, the diamond in that guy's ear? it's so huge that it's actually making his head list
Pie: Ian on Kobe Bryant: "What happened to his face? Did a woman hit him while he was raping her?"
Weetabix: HA! paused on some wrestler guy
Pie: I believe his name is Triple H
Weetabix: it probably says that right on his birth certificate
Pie: somehow I don't think Triple H fans and American Idol fans intersect
Weetabix: I don't know. Bucky Covington's fans probably loooove them some wrassling
Pie: Paula is wearing a very very pretty dress
oh god, they're talking about the obesity crisis!!!
Weetabix: yes, Randall, tell us about that while wearing your double-breasted suit
Pie:Ian: "Let's hear it for Jordin Sparks!!" (pause) "oh, they weren't introducing her?"
Weetabix: ha!

Pie: fast foward poverty montage?
Weetabix: yes. poor fat kids
Pie: now I've got Carrie Underwood doing some plumbing
I just saw this clip on Best Week Ever!
Teri is going to sing "Before He Cheats"? I love this song!
Weetabix: I do like her outfit though
Weetabix: dude, she's not bad
considering how hard it probably is for her to move her face
Pie: heeee
no, she's really not bad!
Weetabix: although, that? not a good note
Pie: she's skipping the middle of the song
and also, Carrie Underwood sings the fuck out of this song
Weetabix: the guy playing violin looks like Dr. Chase from House, also, that's the plumber playing guitar
Pie: is it really?
Weetabix: is that Jack Wagner?
Pie: oh yeah it is! that's Mike on Desperate Housewives.
Weetabix: I don't know, he's hot
Pie: he's her boyfriend on the show, hence the little plumbing skit.
Weetabix: oh, the band is called "as seen on TV"
Pie: he plays a plumber.
Weetabix: seriously, I think that's Chase from House… who is, by the way, totally hot
Pie: wait, Carrie Underwood was there? and Teri sang the song? instead?
Weetabix: Billy Crystal... speaking of totally plastic face!
Pie: who is Mary Murphy?
Weetabix: I have no fucking idea
Pie: they just said Carrie Underwood would be up later
Weetabix: I think Mary Murphy is a country star?
I fucking hate her
Pie: I am ffing her screaming
Weetabix: you are ffing smart
Pie: hee

Weetabix: paused on cute boys
Pie: Jonas Brothers, they are the opening act for Hannah Montana.
I hope Billy Crystal does a singing montage
Weetabix: so, watch HIS face, it's smoother than it was in Harry Met Sally
Pie: I think he's just gained weight, quite frankly
Weetabix: maybe
Pie: this is now what Billy Crystal is reduced to, since there's no more Comic Relief
Robin Williams and Whoopi Goldberg are waiting in the wings
Weetabix: they fixed Miley Cyrus' teeth
Pie: this is going to be the first time I ever listen to Miley Cyrus singing!
Weetabix: she's got an annoying little bubble gum song on the radio right now
also, it's not "Seerus" it's Cy-rus
Pie: I think that's the joke
he's pretending nobody knows who she is
but really she's famous, see? ha, ha?
Weetabix: thank you, because sometimes the humor escapes me
Pie: well, it's more like "humor"
Weetabix: was this done during the writer's strike? all of this dialogue here?
Pie: it's painful… poor Billy Crystal
Weetabix: see, his reactions don't even work with all the 'Tox
Pie: I think there is no 'tox… Notox! ha!!! sorry, the wine is kicking in.
Weetabix: oooh, Oscars slam… harsh
and now they're plugging Monsters, Inc.
Weetabix: heee!
I do love Monster's Inc
Pie: me too… this schtick is going on for a really long time
okay thank god it's over
Weetabix: the Liberace's jacket? Not funny
Pie: Liberace jokes are funny only to 800 year old people… or my grandmother, who is dead
Weetabix: I want a bedazzled microphone stand!
Pie: what is she doing with her hand? she's making little claw! it's a Taylor homage!
Weetabix: oh it is!
Pie: (I would link to the lexicon here) she's all spazzy
Weetabix: as though she even knows who Taylor is. What was she, four, during his season? Is spazzy and crying the new "cool"?
Pie: she's good at interacting with the microphone stand
she doesn't seem to be a very good singer
Weetabix: I enjoy her light effects. It's all pink! no, she's really not. but all the kids love her
Pie: er. okay. I am now officially old.
Weetabix: wow, her new teeth are HUGE!

Pie: oh my gosh, Jacuzzi is back!
Weetabix: oh my god, Amanda Overmyer!
Pie: and there's Nurse Ratched!
Weetabix: If I got Castro, I'd be pissed
Pie: where are those blondies? weren't there a few blondies at the beginning of the season who got kicked off?
Weetabix: were they top 12?
Pie: maybe not
Weetabix: before the 12, though
Pie: the phone bank thing is cute
it would be so exciting to be on the phone with David Cook and Ryan Seacrest!
Weetabix: orphans! this is that U2 song, by the way…the one I was saying was inspiring
Pie: I know it's very sad and Bono rules…I will donate money to some charity that will actually distribute my money to the orphans… someone in the comments, tell me a charity!! I like clean drinking water charities
Weetabix: I'm fond of Kiva, myself… although that's not really a charity
Pie: Julianne Moore, by the way, annoys the shit out of me her teeth bug me… like, her teeth when she smiles… that weird creepy smile
Weetabix: I think she's got veneers. everyone in Hollywood has veneers these days
Pie: FERGIE AND JOHN LEGEND….talk about your Botox
Weetabix: I really don't like Fergie, yeah, total manface
Pie: Jenna Fischer did an interview recently where she said she wouldn't whiten her teeth like everyone else in Hollywood, because Pam would not whiten her teeth… I love Jenna Fischer
Weetabix: oh, that's awesome
Pie: should we ff this thing?
Weetabix: thank you
Pie: it is crappy and Fergie's face is anoying
isn't she too young to have that Botox face?

Weetabix: paused for HEART!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Pie: OMG!!!! GO!!
Weetabix: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Pie: OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Pie: link the picture again! link the picture!!
Weetabix: oh my god, I really did look like Ann Wilson at Halloween!
Pie: best costume ever! she's fantastic.
did she just sing something about a woodchuck? a wood shop?
Weetabix:freaking Fergie just walked out…someone needs to tap fergie on the shoulder and be like "um, dear? Your time is done."…
Pie: Heart rocks. Fergie did just hit a good note, though.
Weetabix:I love Ann and Nancy Wilson so much…seriously, Nancy Wilson is my American Idol.
Pie: seriously, isn't Fergie in her 30s? why does she look like Joan Rivers?
Weetabix: yes, she was on Kids Incorporated with Martika, before Martika had Toy Soldiers
Pie: I love how Fergie looks so inconsequential next to Ann Wilson. although one-handed cartwheels....
Weetabix: although the one handed cartwheels are impressive
Pie: I do have to give her points for that shit. she made that look effortless, and kept singing. okay, Fergie, I applaud you. …

Pie: Amanda Overmeyer is gaping blankly into the camera…. Ryan just blew a kiss into the wrong camera and then made a gay joke. I am amused!
Weetabix: Ryan made a gay joke! heee! that was almost as good as heart
Pie: Eli and Peyton Manning
this is your territory… this "football" thing
Weetabix: what, because it's football?
Pie: Ian just walked into the room naked
Weetabix: Jesus, woman!
Pie: I felt you should know
Weetabix: thank you for that… Eli Manning and Peyton Manning have been my fantasy football QBs
Pie: does that mean you sexually fantasize about them? is that what "fantasy football" is all about? holy shit, POSH AND BECKS
Weetabix: that Becks has the wussiest voice ever
Pie: Posh has such fantastic hair.
Weetabix: Posh is like "I'wwl donate my entyuh food budget for one yeah. $300 of your American dollars!"
Pie: hee
Ian (with clothes on): "Those are Idols answering the phone? Where's Sanjaya?"

Weetabix: Annie Lennox! whatever happened to the other guy from the Eurhythmics… I am too wined to spell that correctly
Pie: nobody cares… my wine is broken
Weetabix: no, probably not. He's all Andrew Ridgley now. stealth orphan montage in the background! No fair!
Pie: Annie Lennox is too fabulous to fit anyone else on the stage with her
Weetabix: if Fergie comes cartwheeling out right now, that would rock
Pie: her voice is beautiful, this song is lovely…hee. she should cartwheel through the whole show. I am going to get more wine, and let Annie's voice follow me into the kitchen
Weetabix: she could be like that clown on Evening at the Apollo
Pie: I really love this song… I've never heard it before, but I'm digging it…Ian says it's by someone I hate…. oh god, UB40. well I like the ANNIE LENNOX VERSION.
Weetabix: yes, you're allowed to like anything that Annie Lennox touches… I'm sorry, I have to watch the stupid Ford commercial because it's using one of my favorite songs in the background…Angels and Airwaves has apparently sold out, wtf?! that pisses me off
Pie: tragedy montage with Celine Dion
Weetabix: Celine is an angel… by the way
Pie: Simon Cowell humor… hee
Weetabix: I am pro questioning of the Simon Cowell nipples
because I ponder these thoughts as well
there's Jordin Sparks!
Pie: more depressing talking… I am paused on Carrie in a stunning dress
Weetabix: I really do like the dress… I wish she were standing though, so I could see it… she likes the stools
Pie: hee!!!! poop!!!!
Weetabix: heee!
Pie: it always amazes me the confidence that these former Idols have when they come back… it's like "yeah bitches, I'm a star now!"… in comparison to how they were previously. god, what a dress. it's perfect for her.
Weetabix: yes, it clearly convinces them that they are worth it or something… I didn't watch Carrie's season.
Pie: she has fuzzy shoulders!
Weetabix: really!?
Pie: Carrie's season was boring, and Carrie was boring.
I don't even remember liking anyone from that season.
Weetabix: not even Bo Bice?
Pie: I rooted for Bo, but it was kind of halfhearted
Weetabix: who strikes me as a bit... I don't know.... hick
Pie: as opposed to DAUGHTRY
Weetabix: oh my god… do you think they got Daughtry?!
Pie: I am still sad I missed the DAUGHTRY concert in Munich
Weetabix: I am sad for you
Pie: if Daughtry comes out, I'm telling you right now, I'm going to have seven orgasms… I have been watching his Hemorrhage performance... a lot.
Weetabix: I'm kind of sad that I didn't go to the Idol concert when the top 10 was touring. My sister brought Abby and asked if I wanted to go… heeee!
Pie: I know. I was thinking of going this season. I'd like to see Carly and David Cook
Weetabix: this season might be worth it… during Chris's season, all I could think of was stupid Taylor
Pie: and I looked at Daughtry's tour schedule; he's playing county fairs and stuff…if I flew to Indiana to see the Indiana county fair to see Daughtry, would that be weird?
Weetabix: no
Pie: THERE WAS WHOOPI!!! Comic Relief! Told you!
Weetabix: yes, where are her eyebrows!
Pie: Ellen, who I also love
Weetabix: she's standing in front of a blue screen and NOT the idol stage.. I cry shenanigans!
Pie: you are SO RIGHT… this is pretaped… probably all of them were pretaped… SHADY.
Weetabix: apparently she was supposed to cohost but it interfered with her taping schedule… which also, sounds convenient
Gloria Estefan… I'll bet she cuts Fergie when she tries to hone in
Pie: hee… I feel inclined to ff
Weetabix: also, Sheila E! When was the last time she came out and got applause… ok… ff

Pie: I love Sarah Silverman
Weetabix: are slips over shirts in style now?
Pie: she's annoying and yet funny somehow
Weetabix: agreed… I actually think she's pretty brilliant. her dress has pockets… that's very in right now
Pie: yeah--I love that she's a successful female comic
and now she's talking about malaria
Weetabix: montage approaching
Pie: I want to buy a mosquito net!
Weetabix: I love that Elliott got stuck sitting in front of the Exxon guys
Pie: Idol phone bank
Weetabix: stupid Castro
Pie: yes, my thought exactly….
there's the prime minister. wait... that's not Hugh Grant!
Weetabix: how bad is it that I thought "Wait, what happened to Tony Blair?" I should watch the news more often
Pie: Tony Blair is probably closer than Hugh Grant as he was prime minister in real life, not just in Love Actually.
Weetabix: well, Hugh Grant's prime minister was fictional… but fictionally, he's probably still in office… whereas Tony Blair obs lost an election… or something
Pie: he resigned, I believe. maybe I'm wrong.
it was a couple of years ago. he was very unpopular after the Iraq thing
Weetabix: ok, it was less than a year ago. He was prime minister until June 2007… dude, Meatloaf is shilling for AT& T… that's just WRONG
Pie: wait, Reese Witherspoon appears to be actually there on the Idol stage… I am slightly incredulous
Weetabix: weird… I LOVE her dress but her eye make up? so tragic… it's like she's been crying backstage for an hour…
Pie: she's crying about the children… "the children"

Weetabix: oh my god!
Pie: Idols singing RENT!!!!!
Pie: OLWJ!$))!(!N#$KN!$K!#$*(@$#*@
Weetabix: I take it back… I want THIS as my inspirational song… NO DAY BUT TODAY!
Pie: all the high parts are missing
Weetabix: it is arranged strangely
Pie: whose voice is overpowering everything?
Weetabix: Syesha could be singing the high parts. I think it's Brooke
Pie: thank god for the gospel choir… the Idols, sadly, can't handle this
Weetabix: yes, the gospel choir can do harmony, no, clearly the Idols can't
Pie: and it's mean that they left out the people backstage who already got voted off… "Sorry, Chickeze, we have room for a gospel choir, but you keep your mouth shut."
Weetabix: yeah, someone's voice is overpowering the group stuff…also, KFC’s solo? horribly disappointing
Pie: KFC is sucking on her solo.
Weetabix: Carly is awesome though.
Pie: agreed… Jason Castro is a douche… Archie rules
Weetabix: Castro is a mofo douche
Pie: Syesha did well, Ausie did well
Weetabix: Dane Cook jumps over the MOOOOOOON
Pie: Dane Cook did well although is a tool…he is making tooly faces
Weetabix: he's not a tool! I enjoy him!
Pie: TOOLY FACES… rewind his solo… I guarantee you will see a tooly face
Weetabix: well, maybe it's contagious! maybe Jason Castro is the source and slowly infecting everyone
Pie: Brooke got no solo… OH MY GOD…it's the actual Dane Cook!
Weetabix: real Dane Cook!
Pie: my brain is going to explode!!!! REAL DANE COOK?
Weetabix: I want to sort of chew on him… even though? There's a mofo tool
Pie: next comes Nicholas Brendan just to fuck me up
Weetabix: ha! I actually lol'd… although who matches a brown shirt to a black blazer?
Pie: at Dane Cook? I'm sorry.
Weetabix: no, I lol'd at you
Pie: hee
Weetabix: I just want to bite Dane Cook's love monkey
Pie: that is tragic. Commercials!

Weetabix: paused on some rando girls… whom I do not recognize
Pie: those are the High School Musical girls!!!
Weetabix: but one kind of looks like the younger version of the mom on Gossip Girl
Pie: it's Sharpei and Gabrielle! Where have you been!!
Weetabix: not watching High School Musical, that's where
Pie: Vanessa Hudgens makes an annoying smile mouth… often while naked on the internet
Weetabix: more Miley… this is that song that's all over the radio… it makes Esteban crazy
Pie: I saw this clip on Best Week Ever too… apparently she does some vaginal displaying. wait for it.
Weetabix: the chorus goees "nah nah nah nah!" in a bitchy face… she's only 15. She should not be displaying her vagina

Pie: Robin Williams!! The Comic Relief trifecta!
Weetabix: COMEDY!
Pie: oh my god, stop talking, Robin Williams
Pie: this show is degenerating
Weetabix: I'd like the screaming lady back, please
Pie: me too. and Reese Witherspoon. and Miley Cyrus's genitals.
I have ff'd to Rob.. Schneider... for... some... reason
Weetabix: are you sure that it's not still Robin Williams?
Pie: I thought Bono was maybe Robin Williams
Weetabix: Bono just died a little bit

Pie: oh god Tyra Banks! paused on Tyra.speaking of Best Week Ever, Tyra is on that every week, going something effing insane
Weetabix: things are looking up, because I enjoy the insane Tyra moments
that was blue screen too, by the way
Pie: yes
Weetabix: david spade always looks like he'd smell like old burritos
Pie: David Spade, eh?
harmonica montage
Weetabix: I would like to not ff through this montage, as there's a chance of brad pitt
Pie: okay, we will not… any chance of Brad Pitt makes it worth watching
Weetabix: there he is
Pie: there he is, looking all Brad Pitty
Weetabix: I hope maybe he takes off his shirt
Pie: that would elevate this montage
Weetabix: if he takes off his shirt, I will give Katrina victims $100 this minute
and in the notes part of my check, I'll write "pitt chest reveal"
Pie: I just don't trust my money will get to them if I donate
like didn't people donate so much to Red Cross?
Weetabix: oooh, Bill Clinton
they did
Pie: and these people are still displaced?
it makes me frustrated
at least Brad Pitt is taking action!
Weetabix: it is frustrating. The problem is that the government did fucking nothing
indeed, that is the problem.
Weetabix: oh, he's just shopping for a new kid for Angelina
Pie: oooooh, low blow!!
Weetabix: heh
Pie: drunky
Weetabix: it's the wine
Pie: (I feel the need to tell the readers that I just spoke to you on the phone and you are drunky)
(you did not make sentences)
Weetabix: (yes, behind Weetapidol Gives Back"
Pie: (and just then you did not make punctuation)
Weetabix: (no I did not)
well, thanks Brad Pitt, for not taking off your shirt and costing the victims of Katrina a hundred bucks.
Weetabix: ooh, there he is again!
Weetabix: double double! like an In n Out burger!
his mic isn't working
Pie: no, it sure is not
Weetabix: is that Molly Shannon?
dude the AV woman is funnier than Paula
Pie: hee. no, I think that's an Idol person!
Weetabix: I do not approve of his pork pie hat
Pie: oh he is pretty
I was just going to say his hat is hot
Weetabix: really?
Pie: yes
Weetabix: oh, you're that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[Editor's note: no idea what that was supposed to mean.]
Weetabix: we have to watch this montage too
Pie: YEAH we do.
Weetabix: because of the DAUGHTRY!!!!!!
Pie: he is singing. in his DAUGHTRY!!! voice.
Weetabix: he's singing to the poor children!
oh my god, I would give a thousand dollars!
Pie: I want to lick his head.
Weetabix: to the poor children of.. wherever that is
why is daughtry wearing that stocking cap, detracting from his beauty?
Pie: he is wearing a shirt with Africa on it. let's go with Africa.
Weetabix: he's so rough trade. It's just distracting.
Pie: yes, I like better when he is capless.
Weetabix: yes, we'll go with Africa. The entire continent.
I can't see his wallet chain, but in my reality, it is there
Pie: don't tell anyone, but I really want to have all the sex with Chris Daughtry.
Weetabix: I will not tell a soul
and also, can I watch?
Pie: somehow that sounds less sexy
Weetabix: yay, he took off the hat. But not his shirt.
Pie: would you sit in a chair in the corner?
Weetabix: probably. like pay for performance.
maybe closed circuit camera
from another room
Pie: "we're Daughtry"… poor bandmates
who "are Daughtry"
yet they probably have names
Weetabix: yes, the guy with the hat is like "fuck you, Chris."
again with the Angels and Airwaves Ford commercial
damn them!
Damn stupid... whatever his name is from Blink 182
Tom something
I'm drunk
Pie: it's almost over
note who they saved to the end... Brad Pitt and Daughtry
Daughtry was even AFTER Brad Pitt
Weetabix: wait, Miley Cyrus did two songs and Daughtry didn't do any live?
Pie: why do they hate me?
Weetabix: that is true
my tivo cut out
Pie: my show is over!
Weetabix: I don't even know how it ends
damn it!
Pie: they probably just said "give now"
Weetabix: that is what I choose to believe
if we find out later that they cut back and then it was Daughtry live on stage? Imma cut a bitch.

Pie:the very beginning.. Cookie is glaring into the camera
Weetabix:ok! go!
Pie:KFC looks pretty
Weetabix:last year, didn't they totally not eliminate someone during the Gives Back week?
or am I on drugs/drunk?
Pie: no, you're correct, they did not
do you think Ryan has a little orgasm whenever he says "A... MERICAN Idol."
rrrooo rrrrrrooooo!
Weetabix:I think he gets chills and maybe a little precum
Pie:wow, that was... very specific.
Weetabix:I set up the target and take aim. I am nothing if not precise.
Pie:ff recap, we just saw it
Weetabix:you know what Idol Gives Back was missing?
Josh Brogan!
I mean, Groban!
yes, it was definitely missing Mr. "Brogan.\"
okay I am ready for Idol medley
Weetabix:oh, the AV lady got to be in the recap!
and in the come back! go!
Weetabix:very goddy
Pie:"My Jesus, my savior"?
it is very goddy… what if some of the Idols are not Christian?
Weetabix:or the audience
Pie:well sure, the audience too.
"praise to the king"?
Weetabix:and actually, Jesus was so way against making a big deal about giving to charities
Pie:seems a little... weird
hee. you can totally tell who is Christian and who isn't.
KLC is, Cookie isn't.
Weetabix:it's considered a big sin, actually. You're supposed to donate quietly and not make a big deal about it.
Pie:just look at their faces.
Castro looks annoyed.
Weetabix:you're right
Castro's like "hey, religious people, vote for me!"
Pie:Aussie looks like he's just focusing on the singing part and ignoring the words.
KFC looks like she's been waiting for this her whole life.
Weetabix:Archie's just having a flashback to last Sunday when his dad beat him after church
Pie:no kidding. poor Archie.
he's got his stage face mask on.
Syesha is annoying.

Pie:paused on two young urchins.
Weetabix:paused on yes!
Pie:little lads, one of whom appaears to be wearing a backwards shirt.
these are more Disney channel urchins
Weetabix:the monkees!
Pie:Eddie Izzard in the montage!!
Weetabix: Esteban just said that Eddie Izzard doesn't look right out of drag
Pie:more blue screen! Ricki Lake! some people I don't recognize! Camryn Manheim!
Weetabix:I'll bet that Davy Jones and Peter Tork were available if they'd only have asked
isn't that Kim Kardashian?
Pie:Dr. Phil? oh god.
Weetabix:that's the screeching girl, Mary Martin
Pie:thankfully, I don't know what Kim Kardashian looks like
Weetabix:she's got a big ass. That's her claim to fame
that was Kyra Sedgwick. Esteban just got interested.
I have the same shirt as cameron manheim!
Weetabix:I think you should redo your living room and have the Idol safety couches… that would be a good look! plus, room for Goulash
Pie:so they call them out one by one from backstage? have they been doing this all season?
Weetabix: yes, it's dumb
because you know the first person called out will be safe
Pie:Randy is wearing a capital-T tacky shirt
Weetabix:I wish I could wear cap sleeves like Brooke
they are actually flattering on her
Pie:see, Brooke is endearing!
Weetabix:she is
and still wearing white
Dane Cook! Will he be safe?
he doesn't look like he's happy.
Weetabix:do you think that key around his neck is to a Ford Focus?
Pie:hee. Jake shoutout!
yay, Dane Cook is safe
Pie:safe! he can drive his Ford Focus over to the couches.
Weetabix:something strange is happening on the pocket of his jeans
Pie:like Archie will be in the bottom three.
Weetabix:maybe? you never know
although with all the Miley Cyrus and stuff, they are really pandering to the tweens
Pie:no effing way.
he is like a tiny sweet puppy, who everyone votes for.
Weetabix:he really is
I would vote for him too! He's adorable
I want to protect him.
David's family was his abusive father and apparently three backup singers
Carly looks pissed off
I really want Syesha gone. why do I hate her so much? I don't know, but suddenly I do.
also Jason Castro is annoying.
Weetabix:paused on Dr. Fucking Phil. go!
Pie:go! I totally missed that Forrest Whitaker was on Idol Gives Back
or was he not?
Weetabix:yes, it was during one of the ff montages
Pie:Paula's top is cute… ruffles!
Weetabix:Randy's shirt is like the throw you'd see in the back of a stoner van
Paula's shirt is cute, agreed… and for that, her breasts are thankful
Pie:Jordin singing!
wait, aren't there only a few minutes left?
Weetabix:yay Jordin
no, it's an hour long
Jordin has streaks in her hair
Pie:er... not according to my tivo… I hate to break it to you
your tivo didn't record the whole thing
Pie:how's Jordin doing? I feel like I haven't seen anything of her since she won
Weetabix:she's been on the radio
Pie:yeah my tivo is about to cut this off
Weetabix:I don't understand this song, quite honestly
Weetabix:"can't live can't breathe with no air"
the whole song is composed of them singing "no air"
Pie:well that's certainly saying it
"can't eat if I have no food"
"can't drink if there ain't no drinks"
Weetabix:"no food, no foooooooood"
Pie:I will just make up the rest of this song while you watch.
Weetabix:I'm going to sing that at the grocery store next week
ok! I do really like Jordin's outfit. It's very cute.
Pie:"can't dress if I have no clothes"
"can't sing if I've lost my voice"
Weetabix:How do you expect Jordin to breathe with no clothes?
Pie:exactly. that's the message of this song.
Weetabix:she keeps cupping her breast
she's got like 5 inch heels on
I have to say that I'm impressed that she can walk so smoothly with those things
I'm guessing that they are Christian LeBoutin
that is my educated guess
Pie: okay
Weetabix:I would say the dress is from Macy's, but it might be couture from D&G again
Pie: I wish I could wear those shoes… I am jealous of people with small feet who can walk in heels. I would wear Christian Louboutin heels everywhere I went
Weetabix:I would too. Actaully, I would wear Gucci… Gucci really fits my foot well
they are displaying all of Jordin's golden records
and one million downloads of the single "No Air"
Weetabix:"how can you expect me to poop, when there's no paper, no paper"
Pie:I've seriously never even heard of this song.
Weetabix:it's on the Top 40 radio station all the fucking time
Michael Chicklis would like to remind you that there are orphans.
and also, Jason Castro was safe
seriously, wtf
KFC is up, and I have to say, her hair is gorgeous
Pie:yeah, well everyone seemed to love that terrible rainbow crap
by which I mean, if I ate a box of crayolas and then pooped, Jason's performance would emerge
Weetabix:because they don't recognize an annoying souless clone
and KFC is safe
and the remaining three backstage are all not safe
they are all the bottom three: Carly, Syesha and Aussie
Pie:Carly, Aussie, and... Syesha?
got it
Weetabix:why do they toy?
with the order like that?
Hillary Clinton recognizes that there are orphans
as does John Mccain
and Obama
Simon thinks America is on line with his feelings on the bottom three
Pie:to build the suspense!
Weetabix:so he thinks it's justified
another break
Syesha is once again wearing amazing earrings
Carly thinks she's gone
you can tell
but she looks gorgeous
Syesha and Carly are safe
which means Aussie's out
and looks a little perplexed
poor Aussie
Weetabix:Michael's family and friends are stunned
Pie:but it was inevitable
it was either him or David Cook
Weetabix:and look like they're about to throw down
Pie:Cookie got all the votes
Weetabix:Castro's like "Excelllllent"
oooh, they totally faked them out
Pie:I don't think it's that shocking, quite frankly
Weetabix:Ryan said "Last season, we didn't eliminate anyone at this stage of the competition.... and this week, we're going to say goodbye to Michael Johns"
Pie:which is why I took a huge leap upward in the poll!
Weetabix:I have to say, it is a little sketchy
like, if it had been Archie, would they suddenly have not eliminated someone?
his montage
sorry, Aussie, you were hot
oh so hot
isn't this the first time that he was in the bottom three?
Pie:I think so
Weetabix:Simon says that he's going to miss Aussie
Pie:but am not positive
Weetabix:which was nice
Pie:we'll all miss Aussie, particularly the empty space in your pants
Weetabix:Paula's mouthing "Call me" to him
Pie:no doubt
Weetabix:poor Aussie. He looks upset
Carly is devastated
Syesha is comforting her
Aussie is walking out into the audience and letting people touch him
those lucky people
Carly is still weeping
Pie:Carly so thought she was gone
Pie:I love Carly
Weetabix:ooh, falsetto!
Pie:I think she's gone soon
I do too, sadly
she doesn't have the likability of, say, Brooke
and that's where my Tivo cuts out
Pie:okay then, it's been a fun twenty seven hours since we began this
Weetabix:I now must just put all of my hopes toward Dane Cook
Pie:but I really have to go!
Weetabix:indeed. What a marathon
ok! Weetapidol out!
Give now!
Pie: xoxox drunky! have an awesome Saturday!
Weetabix:you too!


Blogger Kim said...

Maybe I'm too much of a conspiracy theorist, but I found Michael's elimination a bit out of the blue.

No, offense to,Pie/Eden/Shmuel, who totally called it. Which? Wicked awesome!

Anyway, all those Dial Idol types have been puttring Syesha in the bottom for, I don't know, 7 million weeks. And then TIVO came out with their prediction/method and they say it is Syesha.

But Michael goes home. Right.

7:47 AM  
Blogger Shmuel said...

I can't speak to outside predictions because I don't put any stock in them in the first place. I would suggest, however, that the fact that Michael seemed relatively safe may be precisely why he was vulnerable. To energize a fan base, it helps to (a) have great performances and (b) appear vulnerable. I voted for Carly a couple dozen times this past week because I thought she performed very well and I was afraid she might be unjustly eliminated. I would submit that Michael's fans might not have felt that motivated.

10:02 AM  

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