Our Weetapidol Idol Is...

And in the least shocking finale ever, Jordin wins! And the winner of the American Idol pool, Kim, was the only person to pick Jordin as the winner, oh those many long weeks ago. How did you know, Kim? And she managed to kick everyone's ass even with the first week point penalty that kept S and Weetabix tragically out of the running.

Kim's prize is the American Idol-related merchandise of her choice. Will it be Bucky Covington's new CD? A copy of From Justin to Kelly? DAUGHTRY!: The album? Kim, send us your address and your choice of anything Idol-related, and it will be on its way to you! The rest of the final standings in the American Idol pool are... (drumroll):

138 points: Kim*
134 points: Carlywei (who was a very close second; awesome job)
126 points: Shmuel (a late surge put him in third--beating me by one point)
125 points: Mo Pie
122 points: Wendi, Martha
119 points: Stacey, Angela
118 points: Kelly, Kat, Emily
116 points: S*
113 points: Editrx
112 points: Amanda
111 points: Weetabix* (love you)

Jordin:
13 points: Kim
12 points: Carlywei
11 points: Shmuel
10 points: Weetabix, Kat, Emily
9 points: Wendi, Martha
8 points: Mo Pie, Kelly, S
7 points: Angela, Editrix
6 points: Stacey, Amanda

Blake:
13 points: Mo Pie, Shmuel
12 points: Weetabix, Kim, S, Emily, Stacey, Carlywei
11 points: Amanda, Editrix, Angela, Wendi, Martha
10 points: Kelly
9 points: Kat

Total:
25 points: Kim
24 points: Carlywei, Shmuel
22 points: Weetabix, Emily
21 points: Mo Pie
20 points: Wendi, Martha, S
19 points: Kat
18 points: Kelly, Angela, Editrix, Stacey
17 points: Amanda

Thanks everyone for playing along this year! Made it tons of fun!

Foreshadowing & Apathy

W: Open on Ryan looking like a preacher in a beam of light. Go!

Ryan: One boy, one girl…
P: One black, one white...
W: One good, one not…
P: I heard Kelly Clarkson might perform tomorrow night.
W: Yay! We can look at her and decide if she's fat. Oh! There was the I-fucked-Charlie-Sheen chick! Denise Richards.
P: I'm sure she appreciates that nickname.
W: I can't help it.
P: Battle of the sexes! Whatever, Ryan, you tool.
W: Oh my god, I was hoping Paula would have a big bandage. I was hoping she'd have a prosthetic nose. Or a Marcia Brady "oh my nose!" thing on her face.
P: Her face does look a little weird.
W: It does.
P: She's not moving her nose.
W: She's not asking it to perform tricks.
P: I never realized people moved their noses until hers looked creepy and immobile.
W: Tyra Banks moves her nose. Tyra Banks acts with her nose.
P: She does.
W: Oh my god, I thought we were done with these tryouts.
P: God, a montage. No more montages!
W: I am so tired.

P: I hope Paula's on a lot of good painkillers.
W: When isn't she? She's on painkillers in this montage. Also, I don't think Paula ever moves her nose.
P: Maybe not.
W: And wow, Blake's dad is Howard Hessman.
P: Oh, Jordin is cute.
W: She is. Had I not known about her politics, I would probably feel better about the impending Jordin win. Would you be okay if Blake won?
P: Yeah. Quite frankly I don't really care.
W: I think I'd be shocked if Blake won. I've had three e-mails from people asking if I even care about the finale. LaKisha and Melinda were robbed. After that, forget about it.
P: If the finale were LaKisha and Melinda, I would totally care.
W: There would be gnashing of teeth and pulling of hair.
P: But as it is…. eh.

(commercials)

W: Ryan is standing between Jordin and Blake and looks like she's going to marry them. And wow, she must be like 6'1"
P: Or those guys are 5'5" each.
W: Maybe Jordin is going to marry Blake and Ryan!
P: That would make me care about the finale.
W: I'd vote for that.
P: Oh, the dramatic coin toss. And Blake Lewis is being a gentleman. Again, if I were in that crowd, I would totally care.
W: If you were in that crowd, what would your sign say?
P: "Where's Melinda"?
W: LaKisha! Where's the love for LaKisha?

(Blake, "You Give Love A Bad Name")
W: Oh good god.
P: This isn't necessarily a bad choice. This is the best he's been.
W: I hate him! You're right. But whatever.
P: That sums up my feelings towards Blake right there.
W: Pretty much. Do they have to redo a song? Is that the premise here?
P: The thing is, you should pick a song you didn't knock out of the park, so you can improve on it.
W: At the same time, you can't have one that reminds everybody of how much you suck.
P: That was a good shot. With Blake totally obscured by a sign. It seems like there's more beatboxing in this song this time.
W: It must be true. The level of my hate is at an all-time high.
P: Whatever, Blake is losing.
W: He'll obviously get a record contract. Bucky got a record contract.
P: And that's just sad.
W: WHAT IS RANDY WEARING? I mean… really.
P: Wow, he looks like a drum majorette.
W: He looks like he should be on the cover of Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band.
P: Paula, shut up, Blake did not outdo himself. You are just on extra broken nosey drugs.
W: She probably is.
P: She keeps doing her "you're so pretty" clap.
W: It's proof that she's on drugs sometimes.
P: Aw, Melinda and LaKisha, there they are!
W: Sitting next to Chris and… that stalker guy. Whatever his name was. And Haley was behind them.
P: Tomorrow's gonna be cool, when they all perform again.
W: Yes. Remember last year's finale when they were all dressed in white, like they were dead? That was probably my favorite.
P: Maybe this year they could all be dead.
W: They could all be zombies!

(Jordin, "Fighter")
W: Really?
P: I don't know this song at all.
W: I'm not up on my Aguilera ouvre.
P: I am digging her dress.
W: I enjoy her top! Yes.
P: I like the fading.
W: She got Chris lights! Did Blake get Chris lights? I don't recall. It was clouded by the hate.
P: Oh, Jordin. I wish I could dredge up some caring.
W: I know. She even has the fat girl thing going for her.
P: She's a bit affected, but she'll make a fine Idol.
W: We're so resigned.
P: If it's not her… I don't even want to contemplate.
W: She is America. I swear to god, I think she was orchestrated and dreamed up in a boardroom. And Randy has CHAINS on his shirt.
P: It's the buttons that…
W: Everything about that outfit is a problem. Ending with him looking in the mirror and thinking it looks okay.
P: And Paula's just smiling and smiling.
W: That was Constantine! He was making temple hands and looking like a penis. Rewind!
P: OH MY GOD HE DOES LOOK LIKE A PENIS. In white pants!
W: And a vest. So that was worth a rewind.

(commercials)

(Blake, "She Will Be Loved")
P: I love how supportive his dad is. "I never bought him drums, even though it's the only thing he ever wanted."
W: "We never bought him drums, and now he's a beatboxing tool on television. That's all us, baby."
P: God, Blake in his douchey vest.
W: Didn't he do Maroon 5 already? Also, he has a hard-on.
P: EW! Oh god. This vocal is mediocre.
W: Yeah. Talk about karaoke.
P: Blake, you are boring me to death. Even hate would be better than the boredom. And those are off notes.
W: …
P: Is it just me?
W: No. It was off. I just don't care.

[And now, Weetabix's argyle soliloquy]
W: I enjoy his argyle. However, I have a serious weakness for argyle. I think I have an argyle fetish. Maybe there's no such thing as an argyle fetish… well, I'm sure if I looked on the internet with safe searching turned off, I would find one. But me and argyle? Not bad.

(commercials)

(Jordin, "Broken Wing ")
P: Oh, her parents are super cute.
W: Her dad's a professional athlete.
P: She's very sweet. I should be rooting for her more. I will try. Yay, Jordin!
W: That rang a little false.
P: Her outfit is unfortunate. She looks like one of the Golden Girls.
W: I'm not sure about that belt. That belt could feed a family of eight.
P: With... beads?
[Both laugh disproportionately]
W: Just leave that as it is.
P: Okay.
W: And this is a sign—I just picked up a CB2 catalogue and am flipping through it.
P: I think it's a sign that this song… is ass.
W: What do you mean?
P: This is a boring song.
W: Maybe. I don't know. If Daughtry were singing, it would be interesting.
P: Daughtry could sing fucking "Happy Birthday" and it would be interesting.
W: He would growl a little bit. And be hot.
P: Ha! Randy's outfit is very entertaining.
W: Maybe it was meant to detract from the size of Paula's impending beaker. He's taking one for the team. And has she always had that much hair, by the way?
P: Paula just said "you have a great vocal voice"! Drugs.
W: Simon just praised her—he's doing the redemption arc.

(commercials)

W: And Ryan is talking to some randos. They're getting up out of their chairs.
P: I am sad my spell check does not recognize the word rando.
W: You'll have to fix that.
P: "This Is My Now"? Oh dear fucking god. This is gonna be… really bad.
W: Wow.
P: More argyle for you, though.
W: I don't want to be attracted to Blake Lewis.
P: Just look at his gold shoes.
W: The argyle is sparkly. You can barely see it, but it's sparkly. And I like how he's looking introspectively out the fake window.
P: It's gonna be sad not to be friends anymore, when you're attracted to Blake Lewis.
W: I'm not attracted to Blake Lewis! I'm going to a camp.
P: Hee.
W: Oh, that note was so bad. Did you hear that? It was not good. Mr. Argyle, don't play with me.
P: I think this song is… an abortion.
W: That's a strong choice of words. And I co-sign that.
P: I hope Jordin will come out with a sign taped to her outfit.
W: I hope she has an aborted song taped to the sign. Maybe by Tamyra Gray? A couple of unfinished choruses. I bet it's better when the songwriters sing it.
P: I bet it's better if you're deaf.
W: I bet it's a lot better if you're on pain medication for a broken schnozz.
P: Randy's like "I can't say the song is shitty…" I hope Simon can.
W: Simon will, if he can. And Blake has that skinny shiny white tie? And the cuffs up to his arms? I don't understand it.
P: Okay, Mrs. Argyle.

(commercials)

P: It's not a fight to the finish, Ryan. Jordin has it all sewn up. Now she's gonna totally sing the song awesome.
[Both] Because it was written for her.
W: Jinx! She has sparkly daisies on the stage. The sparkly daisies of Jordin-ness.
P: I like her dress, again. It's sparkly. I enjoy it. "This is my now" is so retarded. As a lyric, I mean.
W: Yes. But I invented a drink, and it is fantastic.
P: Tell us the recipe, Weetabix.
W: Because we have nothing better to do while she's singing?
P: Exactly.
W: A shot of limoncello, probably half a shot of bar syrup—maybe two splashes? And then 20 ounces of triple berry French lemonade from Trader Joe's. It's damn tasty. It's really sweet. I don't know if I'd put any bar syrup in it, actually.
P: What have you named this beverage?
W: I'm thinking of naming it the Love Pivot.
P: The Sparkly Argyle. The Jordin is Crying.
W: We will not speak of that.
P: Kelly Clarkson's voice didn't break when she sang "A Moment Like This." She may have cried, but her voice didn't break.
W: A producer just pulled Jordin aside and said "you just won." That actually sounded like a song, though. Even though I was giving my recipe.
P: Here's the part where they tell America to vote for Jordin. But based on tonight, and Blake being a douche, I have to agree.
W: They knocked out the people with credibility. I want Jordin to win just to make her cute parents happy.

W: How many Idol contestants do you think Simon has had sex with?
P: Besides Taylor?
W: He hated Taylor!
P: Well, Ruben…. Carrie… Fantasia….
W: Do you think he had sex with Carrie? I didn't watch that episode.
P: That wasn't… actually an episode.
W: It was in a montage.
[Both laugh]
W: I bet that's why Paula didn't get kicked off for doing Corey Clark. Because Simon was dipping his wick too. And I bet Paula was having sex with Justin Guarini.
P: Hee.
W: Hey. If you were on Idol would you be having sex with Simon?
P: I have to say I would not.
W: I would have sex with Simon—I wouldn't even have to be on American Idol. There's something about the hottie Englishman that does it. Oh my god, if he wore argyle? Shit.
P: I was gonna say. He has those ugly shirts, but trade it out for the argyle…
W: Yeah.
P: I also think if anyone, it was Kat McPhee. And Haley.
W: There was palpable lust in his heart with Haley.
P: Now there's not even any suspense. They basically handed it to Jordin on a silver platter.
W: Tomorrow is all about watching the people come back and sing.
P: Yeah. Like Sanjaya. And hopefully Kelly Clarkson.
W: Paula is stoned.
P: And Ryan's confused. Like "what the fuck did she just say?"
W: She's drunk, I swear to god.
P: Who's drunk? You?
W: Well, Paula. And me a little.
P: YAY ITS DAUGIAIAIAAAA!YTAAAAaAAAYyYAAAAHAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
W: What? What's going on? My TiVo cut out. Why are you screaming?? Is it the dog?
P: WSOCHRISDAUGHTRY IS SINGINGAAAAH!
W: I thought Goulash was attacking you. I didn't realize Chris Daughtry merited this level of emotion.
P: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH! I love Chris Daughtry! !!
W: Seriously, I thought Goulash was attacking you. Even though Goulash has a lower voice than you do
P: No, Goulash is going hysterical because I keep making high-pitched noises.
W: Are you done with your palpitations?
P: No!
W: Okay. So do we have a prediction?
P: Jordin is going to win.
W: Imagine fucking that.
P: I have to rewind and watch Chris Daughtry again!!! AAAAIEEEE!!!!
W: Oh god. I'm going to bed.

Weetapidol out.

The Mind Must Wrap Around The Foot

I can't even wrap my brain around this week's events. But anyway, the results:

13 points: S (yay for S!)
12 points: Kim, Mo Pie
11 points: Amanda, Emily, Editrix, Angela, Kelly, Wendi, Martha, Kat, Stacey, Carlywei, Shmuel
10 points: Weetabix (love you)


And the overall standings (mostly unchanged):

113 points: Kim*
110 points: Carlywei
104 points: Mo Pie
102 points: Wendi, Martha, Shmuel
101 points: Stacey, Angela
100 points: Kelly
99 points: Kat
96 points: Emily, S*
95 points: Amanda, Editrix
89 points: Weetabix*

* = Entered late, points penalty assigned, yes, even Kim

WTF, America?

P: Okay, who are the final three?
W: Blake, Jordin, and Melinda.
P: Fucking Blake. I always like top three night because they sing three songs.
W: I'm not going to be funny tonight, because I have a cold. [Muffled sentence.]
P: What did you just say that was not funny?
W: I'm not going to repeat it!
P: No, I seriously didn't hear you.
W: It didn't even make sense, what I said. I need a tissue.

W: Randy is wearing a crazy-ass shirt.
P: He looks like a couch again. He looks like he's trying to disguise some fat creeping back in.
W: He's a fat wrangler.

(Jordin, "Wishing On A Star")
W: I enjoy her dress.
P: Yeah, that's pretty awesome, actually.
W: Oh my god, you know what it looks like? A Santino Rice.
P: Yes! But there's not enough braids on it.
W: There are some braids.
P: But not enough… not enough. This is a really blah song. Maybe it's because I have a cold.
W: Maybe it's because it's a blah song and she's not that great. Do you think the judges messed with picking a blah song?
P: I'm sure there's some kind of manipulation.
W: Really, what is going on with Randy's shirt?
P: Couch. Fat.
W: Do you enjoy Jordin Sparks's earrings?
P: Yes I do. Do you?
W: Yes.
P: They are not the Jordin Sparks's earrings of this evening.
W: I do not like Paula's hair though. I like Jordin's hair all sproodly curled.
P: Did you just say sproodly?
W: Yes I did. That's exactly what I said.
P: I like that word.
W: Did you just say that to make me feel better?
P: No!
W: Good, because it didn't, because I have a cold. Wine isn't helping either.
P: Maybe IF you whine. HAHAHA! God, that wasn't funny either.

(commercials)

W: I'm eating some nuts now.
P: That's what she said.
(Both laugh)
W: See, I make it so easy for you. I must really love you.

(Blake, "Roxanne")
W: Ooh, interesting! Is he wearing chaps? Sadly, no.
P: I love this song. Why does he always sing songs I love?
W: He's trying to inch his little penis into your heart.
P: Ew!
W: I mean, inch his little way into your heart. He's not bad.
P: No, he's not bad. He's just a DOUCHE. He's too enamored of himself. And he's so smarmy looking. And he's carrying the microphone around like he's Chris Daughtry and he's no Chris Daughtry.
W: I see no wallet chain. I think the problem is he has no sexuality at all. He's got a nub like a Ken doll. Whereas Daughtry was swinging a mighty chain.
P: Hee!
W: Even Ace, with the questionable sexuality, was packing heat. He just didn't know whether to stick it into a boy or a girl.
P: I think if I didn't have to watch Blake I would have really loved that performance.
W: I actually agree with Simon—it wasn't all that great.

(Melinda, "I Believe In You And Me")
W: Melinda doesn't get a crowd? She just gets a private showing in the room?
P: Yeah, that's kind of weird. They couldn’t have, like, an intern in the corner clapping?
W: An intern on her knees.
P: Okay, she's gonna rock.
W: I love this song anyway.
P: The parakeets like this song.
W: One of the blogs is predicting Melinda to be the winner.
P: I could see Melinda winning. If she makes it to the final two, I don't see how she could not win.
W: I wonder if they're gonna have Taylor perform on the finale. Don't they normally do that?
P: I think they do.
W: That'll be time for us to get up and go to the bathroom.
P: I'm not sure how I feel about Melinda's dress, but she's ruling on this song.
W: The dress seems to be taped to something.
P: I like how Melinda's kind of undersinging it.
W: Makes it much more emotional.
P: That was good. That was really good. I did feel the emotion in that.
W: Was that Oscar from The Office in the audience?
[We talk about Jenna Fischer and her accident and therefore miss the judges comments, but they seem to be good.]
P: Randy is so random. "They blew it out the box."
W: I have no idea what that means. It sounds like a queef.

(commercials)

P: Now Jordin s going to sing something that cadaverous Clive Davis picks for her.
W: I'm sure it will be up for the requirement. What are you paused on?
P: Ryan Raps.
W: Okay, I'm on Ryan Raps.
P: I love "Mmm, Bop." It's one of the best pop songs in the entire world.
W: Jordin was like four when it came out.

(Jordin, "She Works Hard For The Money")
P: I love Jordin's top, I'll say it right now.
W: I thought at first it was a pantsuit. Oh my god, her shoes are awesome! Her top is great. It would be perfect with that pair of Jimmy Choos you tried on in Chicago.
P: Oh, the Jimmy Choos. Jordin's being kind of squoodly on this song.
W: She is, but I love her shoes. She's got awesome shoes. We've got to find out where that top is from for you.
P: I want it right now. And the judges are just, like, saying bloob.
W: They are blooby.
P: Simon and Paula are kind of cute. Their sexual tension is kind of cute.
W: I kind of enjoy Simon and his sexual tension. Paula I just don't care.
P: Paula is missing from the AI version of Karaoke Revolution, and you do miss her nonsense, I will tell you that right now.

(Blake, "This Love")
W: Blake is wearing, like, 40 shirts.
P: And they're all blindingly white.
W: Who would play Blake in a movie? Mike Boogie.
P: "This Love"! Jesus I love this song! Why me?!
W: The producers hate that you don't like Blake. I'm not so much with this song.
P: I have to turn this up. (sings)
W: Okay.
P: Oh god, the beatboxing! I have to turn it back down again. I guess I just don't really get beatboxing.
W: I'm stymied by the whole enterprise.
P: The whole enterprise that is Blake?
W: Yes. I mean, why? Why four white shirts?
P: Why did they just show the ceiling?
W: I don't know.
P: Maybe the cameraman was like "Why God? Why is Blake making an album?"

(commercials)

(Melinda, "Nutbush City Limits")
P: Melinda's so cute. Did they just say "Nutbush"?
W: "Next Bush"? "No More Bush"?
P: Ian is dancing.
W: Really? Is he on cold medicine again?
P: "Love Bush City"?
W: NUT! NUT! Maybe Melinda has changed it to love because she's just that way.
P: Did they just want to make Melinda sing "nut" and "bush"?
W: Maybe that's why Ryan had to say it twice.
P: Melinda's picking up the microphone!
W: Look how dynamic she is all of a sudden!
P: I have to say I'm really enjoying Melinda tonight.
W: She doesn't even look so shruggy. The necklace is throwing it off, but…
Ian (seeing Melinda's grandparents): They have necks.
W: Maybe she needs to grow into it.
P: This night is my favorite Melinda.
W: Maybe they picked Nutbush City Limits because nobody's ever heard of it.
P: To try and undermine her, or…
W: No, because then she could "make it her own." Unlike "Roxanne" which everybody in the world has heard.

(commercials)

(Jordin, "I Who Have Nothing")
P: Oh, she got a fake star in a mall and she's so excited.
W: That's just something they laid there. What is she singing?
P: I have no idea. Oh, I think this is one she did before. And I don't remember this performance so it's like seeing it for the first time. She's being all weird.
W: Yeah.
P: Coming right after Melinda, it's so clear who should go home.
W: Yeah… Blake.
P: Hee.
W: I would really like to find out what kind of lip gloss they are putting on the contestants, because that is fantastic.
P: Jordin really emoted in that song.
W: A little too much.
P: Yeah, it was weird.
W: Was there a sign in the audience that said "Kiss My Serpent"?
P: I really hope so. Did that one say "We Love Simon's Titties"?
W: It looked like that! We have to bring the subversive signs when we go to the taping of American Idol.
P: Jordin's all…
W: I don't know. Talking back.
P: I think that might be a miscalculation on her part.
W: Yes. That's gonna backfire.

(Blake, "When I Get You Alone")
P: Blake, his sweater…
W: And Sir Mix-A-Lot? See, now they're reaching out to me.
P: What song is this?
W: I don't know.
P: If it were "Baby Got Back" you would be undone.
W: I would be dialing.
P: This doesn't seem unique enough to be a Blake choice.
W: This even sounds like Maroon 5.
P: Yeah, he should have done a ballad. Just to show his range or something. Although if he'd done a ballad, he probably couldn't have beatboxed through it.
W: Oh Blake. Poor, misguided Blake.
P: Did Paula get collagen in her lips?
W: Something's up today. She's all hair/lips.
P: Maybe they're puffy from kissing Simon in the commercial breaks. Simon's kind of setting up a Blake and Melinda final two.
W: I think you're right about Blake being carried to the end just to compete against whomever.
P: It provides that nice final two contrast that we've always had.

(commercials)

(Melinda, "I'm A Woman")
P: They gave her a street? That's so sweet! Oh, that rhymed.
W: Hee.
P: She's holding that jacket awkwardly.
W: "I think I will hold this to look cool."
P: This is a good song for her.
W: She knows where the camera is. That was one of Katharine's tricks.
P: Why do I suddenly love Melinda?
W: The Idolettes suddenly got to come out from behind the band! And that one has a low-cut dress that she has to wear a T-shirt under. They are kind of awesome.
P: Who, the Idolettes or Melinda?
W: Both of them. All of them.
P: I'm suddenly rooting for Melinda hardcore.
W: Well, who else have you got?
P: Nobody. I've got "Pass."
W: I'm rooting for Ryan. Ryan's gotta win one of these years.
P: Simon is throwing his endorsement behind Melinda, I think she's definitely in the final two.
W: For sure.

(recap)

P: I heard that every single year, the person who performs first on top three night gets eliminated.
W: Really, so that will be Jordin?
P: I could see that happening. But we're about to find out in five minutes.
W: Well then we will find out, and you will have chagrin if you're wrong.

(Idol hasn't shown on the West Coast, but Weetabix fast forwards through her taped show and reports back.)
W: Filler… filler… Elliot!… Maroon 5… filler… Jordin wearing a very pretty dress.
P: This is very exciting.
W: Jordin's in the final.
P: Really?
W: Uh huh. So it's between Blake and Melinda. Holy shit.
P: Holy shit, what?
W: The Grassy Knoll might be right. Did you look the results up?
P: No.
W: Blake's douched out completely.
P: If Melinda's not in the finals, there is no justice in the world.
W: (GASP) Oh my god.
P: What!?
W: Melinda's off.
P: OH MY GOD!
W: Blake and Jordin. The Grassy Knoll is correct! Holy shit.
P: Wow. That is a conspiracy right there.
W: And yet she looks happy and smiling. She's so graceful.
P: She's a class act, man.
W: She's totally a class act.
P: I hope she has much success.
W: Me too. She's got a great voice. Wow… so there it is. Blake and fucking Jordin. And now they're playing Chris Daughtry. That is wrong.
P: Yeah, that's like a choice between… I don't know.
W: Wrongness and wrong? I have no answers.

Weetapidol out.

Pool Results

Tragically, it is LaKisha who is out this week. Boo! This week's results:

13 points: Kim, Carlywei (those two are neck and neck, and it's kind of exciting. Carly chose Melinda and Kim chose Jordin for the American Idol. Ooooh.)
12 points: Amanda, Editrix, Angela, Kelly, Martha, Shmuel
11 points: Emily, Wendi, Kat, Stacey, S
10 points: Weetabix and Mo Pie (we were the only ones who chose her to win!)

And the overall standings:

101 points: Kim*
99 points: Carlywei
92 points: Mo Pie
91 points: Wendi, Martha, Shmuel
90 points: Stacey, Angela
89 points: Kelly
88 points: Kat
85 points: Emily
84 points: Amanda, Editrix, S.*
79 points: Weetabix*

* = Entered late, points penalty assigned, yes, even Kim

Mo Pie's 5 Favorite American Idol Performances of All Time

I came up with this list based, in large part, on how many times I listen to the MP3s on my iPod. Much to Ian's chagrin, there are many Idol MP3s on my iPod. Many. Many.

I was working on this list before I even heard of the Top 5 Writing Project, but thanks to that, I have actually pulled it together. And there are 10 performances on the list. Let's call 6-10 the runners up, shall we?


#1: Stuff Like That There, Kelly Clarkson
The first season, the first Idol, the first on my list. I never saw a single episode of the first season of Idol but I do indeed love Ms. Kelly Clarkson and her curves and everything she's done since the show. I looked up this video when I saw it on other people's lists of favorite performances ever. And it is, in fact, awesome. The performance is winning and charming and cute, and as for the vocal, I've listened to it an infinity number of times, because her voice is just spectacular. There have been a lot of contestants on Idol that I've loved (see below) but I still don't think any of them can beat Kelly.



#2: Build Me Up Buttercup, Clay Aiken
...Except maybe Clay. I know Bridge Over Troubled Waters was more vocally powerful and all that, and everyone has their favorite Clay moment, but this is the performance I've listened to the most as an MP3. As anyone who knows me can attest, I really love Clay. I didn't really see any of his season, though--I started watching in season three. But I love, love, love Clay's voice. If I had been watching his season, I would have voted for him with all available fingers and appendages, and possibly with my face. I will not, however, use the word Claymate. I will not.




#3: Crazy Little Thing Called Love, Fantasia Barrino
This was the first season I watched, and Fantasia was the first contestant I really rooted for. This is the only season where I voted, really, and I voted like hell for Fantasia. I loved all of her performances and I still remember feeling that it would be an affront against humanity if Diana DeGarmo beat her in the finale. She's truly an original, and I love her. This is my favorite of hers, and most-played MP3 obviously, but as with Clay, I love almost everything she ever did on the show. (And if you haven't seen this video of her doing a duet on this song with John Stevens, of all people, on the Idol tour, you should check it out.)



#4: I Walk The Line, Chris Daughtry
I know he's all DAUGHTRY! now and kind of an ass or whatever, but I totally love him. Love him! Loved his voice, loved his performances. I even love his totally down-the-middle-earnest-rocker album. And once he got eliminated last season, I was left with nobody to root for, and then we ended up with Taylor and The Claw. We all know who the real Idol was anyway, at least if record sales are any indication. Anyway, this was my favorite DAUGHTRY! performance. I know this was Live's arrangement, and not his, so I won't say it's original. But I love his gravelly, growly voice. My love for Clay is more of an asexual passion. My love for Chris is more of a take-off-my-pants feeling. That is the nuance.



#5: Alone, Carrie Underwood
Okay, first of all the rumor is that Carrie Underwood is a total diva, which I hope is not true, because she always seemed so sweet and bland and I really don't want to expend my energy being annoyed by her. I found Carrie totally boring when she was on the show, and I still find her boring. Country is not my thing, but beyond that, I don't think her voice has anything interesting about it. That being said, this was the one and only time she was not boring, and she was amazing. This performance is the only way I can wrap my mind around why she won, so it is vital to my mental health. It is the only time she ever made an impression on me. And I listen to it a lot, because her voice is so fabulous on it. And yet, beyond this, Carrie is a bland, vanilla pudding cipher. I think you understand.



Five Runners Up:

Take Me To The Pilot, George Huff
Okay, there's the smiling and the bouncing and I totally get that. But I listen to this all the time. On the unmitigated disaster that was Elton John night, George Huff sang a song that nobody had ever heard of and did an amazing job. If you listen to the vocal (for instance, if you have an MP3 on your iPod) you will notice what a great voice this guy had. (I mean has. He probably has not had a vocal cord transplant since leaving the show.)




I Think I Love You, Constantine Maroulis
Oh, Constantine. Such a trainwreck in so many ways. And yet this performance, while not "good" in the technical sense of the word, was so entertaining, and I love it so much. In fact, it is the very first song on my workout playlist, so I associate it with dredging up the energy to start ellipticizing on the elliptical trainer. Totally does the job every time. Thanks, Constantine, you tool.



Don’t Cry Out Loud, Diana DeGarmo
At the time, I was so scared that Diana would beat Fantasia (not realizing that it ultimately wouldn't make much of a difference) that I don't think I gave her enough credit for this performance. This is one that I've listened to a lot recently, in fact. It makes me sit back and go, "holy shit, that Diana did have a great voice." It's really incredible.



And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going, LaKisha Jones
My favorite performance by my favorite contestant this season. Although to be frank, I am not nearly as invested in LaKisha as I was in Fantasia or Chris Daughtry. Maybe that's because I Am Telling You She Is Going. Tonight, probably. Or maybe it's just that this is a lackluster season. I don't know. But this performance is magical. And if you want to know why I love her.... this is why.



You Give Love A Bad Name, Fucking Blake Lewis
I can't deny the originality of this performance, and I can't deny Blake's talent either. I have to give him his due. He was amazing here. And I love this song so very very much. He has sung some of my favorite songs this season, as a matter of fact. Fucking Blake. I HATE HIM!



What are your favorite Idol performances? Who did I miss?

Crazy Cool Medallions

P: "Three girls and one guy..." and Blake is making a douchey face.
W: And the sky is blue.
P: Ryan can't say "Three black and one white…"
W: Hee. Once again, though, the demographic theory holds.
P: No, it has fallen. It has failed.
W: No, I think you're right about Blake being in the final two. And the opposites theory that we talked about before would be in play. White/black, boy/girl, talented/untalented….
P: Hee. Yay, the BeeGees!
W: Are we going to be dancing? Simultaneously? Throughout the nation?
P: Yes.
W: Again, I ask you: what happened to Abba night?
P: It remains a beautiful dream.
W: I'm holding out for season seven. Oh, I have that LP! Which, for younger readers, is what happened before CDs.
P: I can't think about the BeeGees without thinking about "The Barry Gibb Talk Show" on SNL.
W: That made me love Jimmy Fallon and Justin Timberlake.
P: There's the cut to the old BeeGee. That's not Jimmy Fallon!
W: No.
BeeGee: It was a joy to have three women to judge from, as well as Blake.
That sounds like a slam for some reason.
P: Is that Barry Gibb?
W: I don't know. But I think he has dementia.

(Melinda, "Love You Inside And Out")
P: He's surprised she picked a falsetto song? Aren't all their songs falsetto?
W: I don't even know what they sound like not falsetto.
P: I know.
W: I'm not sure if I like the black shirt and dark jeans combo.
P: I say yes. I like the pirate sleeves.
W: This is the Jordin's earrings? Already?
P: I guess so.
W: She just had a huge spit!
P: I was gonna say!
W: It was like a tiny parachute jumping out of her mouth. That was exciting.
P: It was Dunkelman.
W: That's a really good juxtaposition. Last time this season, we have McBeaver. Last season, we just got a big wad of spit,. That was our exciting rewind moment this year.
P: When you put it that way, it sounds really tragic. And yet it's a good final four.
W: Well…
P: I meant "it's a good final four… as well as Blake."
W: Did Paula like it or not?
P: Did Randy even talk?
W: I was busy looking at the design on his shirt. It looks like he sweated through it in an artistic manner.
P: Simon is wearing his Hanes Her Way shirt.
W: I enjoy his Hanes shirts. Because I can usually spot a Simon nipple.
P: Wow. You have problems.
W: I enjoy his nipples. I enjoy the man's nipples. Leave me to his nipples. I don't like a lot of nipples. I think we've discussed that, haven't we? Pepperoni nipples?
P: I'm just going to let you keep talking.

(Blake, "You Should Be Dancing")
P: This was in The Office. Neil danced to it.
W: Was it?
P: This is why I wanted to hear "More Than A Woman." Because of The Office.
W: You have problems.
P: Alright, Simon nipple.
W: Hey, I dreamed of making out with Michael Scott. I have problems. But I kind of like his jacket.
P: His frosted tips are back. Those are "cool guy tips," and you will know what I mean when you watch How I Met Your Mother. Okay, I gleefully hate this performance, even though I like this song.
W: Yes. Even though I enjoy the blazer. What is he doing?
P: He's beatboxing.
W: Of course he is.
P: The final two would be boring without him, you have to admit.
W: It would, but I don't know why America is not collectively embarrassed by this kid. That's my problem. I feel chagrin. On a weekly basis.
P: I don't have enough wine in my glass to deal with Blake.
W: Drink more.
P: Oh! There's a current Blind Item that Paula pooped her pants on muscle relaxants.
W: Wow. I have never been that relaxed.
P: I saved that story to tell you, because it had poop in it.

(LaKisha "Stayin' Alive")
P: Oh, "it's a high falsetto song," is it, Barry Gibb?
W: Yay LaKisha. And I love her outfit.
P: That is an awesome outfit.
W: Her bangs are getting a little out of line there.
P: Why isn't she doing the high voice?
W: I don't know. Maybe she's trying to make it her own. And prove that she's an old soul.
P: Did she just change the words to "I'm a dancing sistah"?
W: Yes.
P: Awesome. But this isn't my favorite vocal for me, dawg.
W: I like how she's doing the alternating beat for the aah-aah-aahs.
P: The judges didn't like it.
W: Maybe you have to be a BeeGee?
P: It wasn't the best LaKisha. I hope she does better on her second song. I love that shirt though. It's a great pattern.
W: I know, it's so cute.
P: She looks a little shell-shocked.

(Jordin, "To Love Somebody")
P: Oh, dress over jeans! Love it. And this is a pretty song.
W: Who really sings this?
P: He just said it was a man. I don't know.
W: I'm not crazy about the dress, but I like it over jeans. I like the shoes.
P; CLAY SANG THIS! Sorry to exclaim that in your ear.
W: Yeah, that was a little exuberant. You're such a Claymate.
P: Sorry, she's no Clay.
W: The lights are really boring. They kind of match her dress though. Who knew that the BeeGees wrote this?
P: Not I. We need to embed Clay's version in this entry.
W: So if you were on American Idol and were faced with BeeGees week, what would they be?
P: I don't know enough BeeGees to answer that.
W: They wrote a lot of songs for other people, though. Like Barbra Streisand. And… old people.
P: They really are praising the hell out of her.
W: They sure are. It seems unnecessary.
P: This is exactly what the Grassy Knoll predicted.

(commercials)

(Melinda, "How Do You Mend A Broken Heart")
P: I like Melinda's gray necklace.
W: I like her dress. At least from the sitting…
P: Vantage point?
W: I was going to say venue, but that's better. I'm drunk.
P: Oh, the bottom of that dress is weird.
W: It looks a little like a sack.
P: This is like a boring, old lady song.
W: It should be played on some little jukebox that takes dimes.
P: Hee.
W: Who knew the Gibbs were so prolific? God I wish Jimmy Fallon and Justin Timberlake would come out right now. That would be awesome.
P: That would be beyond awesome.
W: That would be better than Chris Kattan doing Constantine.
P: She just threw in a glory note. Hopefully that'll save her.
W: Eeh. It was really boring. I was playing with the cat.
P: Melinda looks pretty. Wow, I just sounded like Paula.
W: You did.

(Blake, "This Is Where I Came In")
P: I'm getting tired of Barry Gibb being surprised by everyone's choices
W: I've never heard this song. Oh good! He's gonna beatbox! Color me surprised. Color me Melinda.
P: Goody. Weetapidol readers, this is Exhibit A of Why We Hate Blake.
W: Explain to me why he's wearing half of a sweater vest. What's with the Blake lights?
P: I feel like I'm 10 years too old to appreciate anything about Blake.
W: Maybe we're like Menudo. We've aged out of Blake. Once we had our periods.
P: Hee.
W: The interesting thing about Blake is that he always picks songs that don't require much vocal ability.
P: I think he has vocal ability though.
W: Maybe he does. But he's lazy. And he can't do the dorky white guy dancing if he's going to do glory notes.
P: I still think he's going to make an interesting finalist. Note how I'm resigned to it.
W: Oh yeah, I swallowed that pill a while ago. That bitter, bitter pill.
P: Translation of what Randy said: "Stop fucking beatboxing." And Paula is totally slurring. And Simon's trying to stick a fork in Blake.
W: Yep. He's throwing Blake to the fire.
P: To the wolves?
W: To the wolves that are on fire.
P: That tie does not go with that ¾ of a sweater vest.
W: I don't know what's going on with that sweater vest, but it's pissing me right the fuck off.
P: It's Exhibit B.

(commercials)

(LaKisha, "Run To Me")
P: Judge Judy! Okay, what is the point of that.
W: And Judge Judy's mom? It got away from Ryan there for a sec.
P: Now Barry Gibb is surprised again.
W: He's Melinda Gibb.
P: LaKisha has such a beautiful voice. And now we've got the emo guitar. And the fabulous dress.
W: Ooh, Jordin's earrings. I don't like the green middle thing.
P: I love that!
W: It's doing the optical illusion thing to make her look thinner.
P: So you're saying it's like that T-shirt with the bikini on it.
W: YES.
P: I like it anyway.
W: That is your prerogative. This is a better song. You know what I would like to hear them say? "You know what we said about Melinda? Forget that! She's out of there!"
P: I don't like LaKisha's earrings. I like her voice though. And her bikini T-shirt dress.
W: Hee. And ouch. What happened to her voice there? I think she lost her breath there.
P: Why does Randy keep saying "joint"?
W: Like a Spike Lee joint. It's his attempt at being urban.
P: Now this is LaKisha going home. Everybody's lukewarm.
W: You think in a lukewarm state, it has to be LaKisha going home?
P: I think so.
W: That would be a very very sad lukewarm state.
P: Maybe I can save her for another week by predicting her demise.
W: I will stick with saying no! No, she won't go! Melinda can go.

(commercials)

(Jordin, "Woman In Love")
P: Jordin does have a nice voice.
W: No, this is a great song. It's perfect for her, I think.
P: Wither they paid off Barry Gibb, or Jordin is going to win.
W: I like her dress.
P: It looks too much like a prom dress.
W: You know, it does looks like a prom dress. Maybe it's the dress her grandmother bought her.
P: See, it wouldn't be terrible if Jordin won. I would vote for her over Blake.
W: You're falling right into their trap! Who the heck would vote for her over Blake? Blake. They want another Kelly Clarkson, that's all.
P: I hope she outgrows her crazy right wing-ness.
W: I've heard it from numerous sources.
P: I hear Carrie Underwood's a total bitch, anyway. So it's probably too late. Wow, the judges didn't like Jordin?
W: Wow. And she's doing the finger thing. That bugs me.

(recap)
P: So, who do you think is going?
W: I am sucking ass on the pool. I am saying Jordin. I have been wrong this entire season, so I will stick with that. I will say Jordin.
P: But you picked the pool at the beginning of the season… so….
W: What, if I were voting my conscience? Melinda or Blake. Hey, who is Vote for the Worst picking?
P: LaKisha. They've given up. If anyone, they should be backing Blake.
W: Totally.
P: I once again really think LaKisha is going.
W: If you're wrong… who do you think?
P: I could see Melinda being the shocking boot.
W: We haven't really had a shocking boot, have we?
P: No. And I think Blake should go… but we'll see I guess.
W: We will. That is what we will do.

Weetapidol out.

Pool Results: My Head Hurts

This is going to be a wee bit tricky to score, I think! We're calling this fifth/sixth place, and the two out were Phil and Chris. Let's do them separately and if you had Phil or Chris either fifth or sixth, you get full credit.

Phil:
13 points (5th or 6th): Nobody!
12 points (4th or 7th): Kim, Stacey
11 points (3rd or 8th): Mo Pie, Shmuel, Carlywei
10 points (2nd or 9th): S, Emily, Wendi, Kat
9 points (1st or 10th): Weetabix
8 points (11th): Amanda, Editrix, Angela, Kelly, Martha
7 points (12th): Nobody

Chris:
13 points (5th or 6th): Amanda, Editrix, Stacey, Carlywei, S, Kim
12 points (4th or 7th): Wendi, Weetabix
11 points (3rd or 8th): Emily
10 points (2nd or 9th): Angela, Kelly, Martha, Mo Pie
9 points (1st or 10th): Kat, Shmuel
8 points (11th): Nobody
7 points (12th): Nobody

Total:
25 points: Stacey and Kim with an almost perfect score--amazing!
24 points: Carlywei
23 points: S
22 points: Wendi
21 points: Mo Pie, Emily, Weetabix, Amanda, Editrix
20 points: Shmuel
19 points: Kat
18 points: Angela, Kelly, Martha


And the overall standings (Kim, you are amazing):

88 points: Kim*
86 points: Carlywei
82 points: Mo Pie
80 points: Wendi
79 points: Martha, Shmuel, Stacey
78 points: Angela
77 points: Kelly , Kat
74 points: Emily
73 points: S.*
72 points: Editrix, Amanda
69 points: Weetabix*

* = Entered late, points penalty assigned

I Saved LaKisha!

I think my constant predicting that she will be eliminated is what keeps saving her. At least, I choose to take the credit. And my demographic theory is so completely shot with this final four. But this is an awesome final four. Yes, even stupid Blake.

You Give Beatboxing A Bad Name

P: So this week, two people are getting eliminated—LaKisha and Chris?
W: BLAKE HAS BLACK HAIR! BLACK HAIR! I don't know what to make of that. What are you drinking?
P: I am drinking Sauvignon Bloob
W: I am drinking Cabernet Sauvignon. Cakebread Cellars 2004.
P: Yum, Cakebread.
W: That was what's her name! Blowjob mouth! Anonella Barba!
P: They raised 70 million dollars—that's awesome. And Bon Jovi. That's almost even awesomer.
W: I don't think so. I wouldn't even think there were enough songs for them all—what, six people?
P: Yes.
W: Well, there's gotta be six songs, right? There's that song.. the waa—ooh—waa—song..
P: "Livin' On A Prayer"?
W: Whatever. They all sound the same. Maybe that's my problem.
P: I think Bon Jovi is kind of hot. That's my problem.
W: He has aged very well, actually.

(Phil, "Blaze of Glory")
P: Phil is going to be thrown under the bus. But I love "Blaze of Glory!" I had this single on cassette.
W: You had a cassingle?
P: Hee. Yes.
W: You know what's more embarrassing? I had a cassingle of "Wind Beneath My Wings." And also a cassingle of "Mercedes Boy." It was the iTunes of our day.
P: Hee.
W: Oh, he's starting in the audience. And he did the Ace thing and grabbed his coat.
P: I suddenly love Phil for singing this.
W: This is actually really good. It's in his range. And I think he's been to Mystic Tan.
P: Does he have a necklace on his head?
W: It's his earplugs so he can hear the band. He has no hair to hide it.
P: This is still not as good as the cassingle.
W: He just went over the top and got completely cheesy. Although I do like his jeans.
P: His jacket is weird.
W: There's another pool shirt on Randy. And more name dropping.
P: Paula is incoherent. As always.
W: Phil really does look like Nosferatu. You nailed it last week.
P: Oh my god, I think Phil looks like Bat Boy.
W: He is Bat Boy. Does anybody know what happened to Bat Boy?
P: He auditioned for American Idol. Oh god, Goulash just farted. He did not like Phil. Oh god, that's disgusting.

(Jordin, "Livin' On A Prayer")
P: Yay! My karaoke song!
W: Is she gonna do "ooh-wah-ooh-wah?"
P: "My mom is gonna flip out." I bet Jon Bon Jovi loves that.
W: These fifteen-year-olds don't know how much that hurts us. You know, it's not my fault your mom got knocked up when she was eight years old.
P: This is hard to sing. Me and Jen karaoked it, and it was hard. Jordin sounds kind of sultry.
W: I love her outfit tonight. She looks really rock and roll.
P: Did she just point at Gina when she sang "Gina"?
W: She did! That's funny.
P: And she's dressed like Gina.
W: How did she get the little red streaks?
P: Extensions? Spray-redness?
W: Is that the technical term? "Spray-redness"?
P: Yes, it's very technical.
W: This is such a Bad Bar song.
P: That is where we karaoked it. At the Bad Bar. And Jordin has Chris lights to the max.
W: Up the wazzoo.
P: Because the Chris lights didn't work with Chris. So they're going crazy with the Chris lights with their new Chosen One.
W: Well last season they got indiscriminate with the Chris lights. They gave them to everyone. Even Taylor.
P: Simon's criticizing the look.
W: I like the look.
P: That's a good thing to point out, that they're singing a guy's songs.
W: That is true.
P: This is rock week?
W: No, that's a lie, it's Bon Jovi week. Wasn't there gonna be an ABBA week at some point?
P: That would be the most awesome show of all time.
W: Didn't you say that there would be?
P: I did not say that.
W: I must have dreamt it.

(LaKisha, "This Ain't A Love Song")
P: LaKisha's last performance ever?
W: You think?
P: I'm almost positive.
W: I have her winning! I'm losing the pool. I'm last.
P: Well I have her winning too. When she's gone, I'm out of the running. But her outfit, I have to say thumbs down.
W: I'm liking the red stripe. But I'm not sure how I feel about the red stripe and the halter.
P: Oh I love LaKisha and her "slim side."
W: I love LaKisha.
P: Don't vote her off! What have you done, America! Wait, do I know this song?
W: I don't think so.
P: Bon Jovi has to explain the irony in the title.
W: He's adorably stupid, Bon Jovi is.
P: And he thinks LaKisha is staying!
W: Famous last words, cursing LaKisha. I like her outfit.
P: I think I'm gonna go with thumbs up, on second thought. I am warming to it.
W: It actually highlights the narrowest part of her body. It accentuates her waist. I think it's good. I don't think they should have put her in skinny jeans, though.
P: Like a light denim flare…
W: … would have been great. Why are the tapered pants coming back? The tapered jeans are no curvy girl's friend.
P: Ooh, a little acapella.
W: She's awesome.
P: She is awesome. And yet it will not save her. "You blew it out the bus"? I think that's black slang. It's got something to do with Rosa Parks.
W: Blah blah blah the goat.
P: What?
W: Blah blah blah the goat.
P: You've done WHAT to the goat?
W: YOU DECIPHERED THE CODE.
P: Oh.
W: I mean, "Randy has blown a goat." Ryan and Simon will watch that back in the hot tub tonight.
P: I really hope that performance saves LaKisha.
W: I love LaKisha. I think Ryan does too. He loves the larger black women. Remember how he'd fawn over Mandisa?
P: Maybe he and LaKisha have a foot thing going on behind the scenes.


(Blake, "You Give Love A Bad Name")
P: Okay, best song ever. How can I hate Blake now?
W: What's the secret plan—he's gonna beatbox it?
P: I love how Bon Jovi's like, "Don't fuck up my tune, man."
W: Bon Jovi hates him. And now Blake is being Blake. He's being a douche.
P: I love this song, though. And his voice sounds good. And I like his black hair. I have to say.
W: It's better. Not as douchey. Not all Mike Boogie.
P: And you were right! Beatboxing!
W: I knew it.
P: To be fair, he has been restrained for most of the season.
W: He has. But… oh god. Oh god.
P: He's having fun.
W: At least he's not looking all earnest.
P: I liked that performance completely in spite of myself, because I hate him.
W: I have to say it was memorable.
P: It was probably a winner. It was original, for sure.
W: That it was. It probably got him some votes.
P: I love Paula and her babbling.
W: He's got kind of a Green Day look.
P: I agree the risk was a good idea for him. It was really smart.
W: Mm hmm. Fucking Blake.
P: Fucking Blake.

(Chris, "Wanted Dead Or Alive")
W: Oh, Chris Richardson. The guy I always forget.
P: The guys are getting the best songs tonight. They're singing all the best songs.
W: Because it's a boy band. I wonder what Melinda is gonna get stuck with.
P: You cannot forget the words, Chris.
W: That's unprofessional in front of Bon Jovi.
P: Bon Jovi loves his own songs.
W: He does.
P: And yet he's so hot I can't fault him for it.
W: He's not that hot. Who would you do, him or Daughtry?
P: Well that's unfair. Totally Daughtry.
W: Alright then.
[We talk about Weetabix's new car and her car salesman who looked like Daughtry]
P: This is a commentary on this song, that we've been talking through most of it.
W: He's got Chris lights too.
P: Well that's appropriate. His name is Chris.
W: No. They're Daughtry! lights. Daughtry™!
P: Oh okay.
W: I feel like we do that a lot, talk during Chris's performance. I'm sorry, Chris, I'm sure you're a very nice person, but you're boring.
P: I agree there are a lot of good performances tonight.
W: Yeah. It's gonna be a hard night.
P: That's what she said. I think Chris is almost certainly gone.
W: Him or Phil Stacey.
P: If we're lucky, him and Phil Stacey.
W: I don't think so.
P: I like Phil, I just like LaKisha more.

(Melinda, "Have A Nice Day")
P: Bon Jovi's like, "I can teach you anything, baby."
W: This song is on right now.
P: I like when he says "baby."
Melinda makes devil horns
W: "Is this right?"
P: Okay, Melinda's pretty awesome right now.
W: She is.
P: I like her rock and roll outfit also.
W: You could totally wear that.
P: I could not wear those heels. They would hurt my feet.
W: Wait until you see what I'm wearing to rock-and-roll karaoke.
P: Oh, awesome. I can't wait. And... Melinda kind of ruled on that.
W: Yeah!
P: That's the most I've ever liked Melinda.
W: It really is. I agree with Randy. It was hot. I like how she keeps throwing the devil signs. "Is this right?"
P: Tina Turner—that is an awesome comparison. Go Melinda!

P: Okay, who do you think is going? I think Chris and LaKisha.
W: NOOOOOOOOO. I think Chris and Sanjaya.
P: Um. I have bad news for you.
W: Chris and Randy. [sees George and Laura Bush] Oh god. CHRIS AND EVIL.
P: George and Laura can both get voted off.
W: It's coincidental they're voting off two. "Amurricans have shown their love for the brown children."
P: They're reading off cue cards. It's so embarrassing.
W: I have to say. My drunken George Bush impression is very good.
P: I concur. I liked "Amurricans" the best.

Weetapidol out.

Because Paula Isn't Crazy Enough On Idol This Season

I needed to go out and find some decent footage. I'm a giver.