Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Crazy Cool Medallions

P: "Three girls and one guy..." and Blake is making a douchey face.
W: And the sky is blue.
P: Ryan can't say "Three black and one white…"
W: Hee. Once again, though, the demographic theory holds.
P: No, it has fallen. It has failed.
W: No, I think you're right about Blake being in the final two. And the opposites theory that we talked about before would be in play. White/black, boy/girl, talented/untalented….
P: Hee. Yay, the BeeGees!
W: Are we going to be dancing? Simultaneously? Throughout the nation?
P: Yes.
W: Again, I ask you: what happened to Abba night?
P: It remains a beautiful dream.
W: I'm holding out for season seven. Oh, I have that LP! Which, for younger readers, is what happened before CDs.
P: I can't think about the BeeGees without thinking about "The Barry Gibb Talk Show" on SNL.
W: That made me love Jimmy Fallon and Justin Timberlake.
P: There's the cut to the old BeeGee. That's not Jimmy Fallon!
W: No.
BeeGee: It was a joy to have three women to judge from, as well as Blake.
That sounds like a slam for some reason.
P: Is that Barry Gibb?
W: I don't know. But I think he has dementia.

(Melinda, "Love You Inside And Out")
P: He's surprised she picked a falsetto song? Aren't all their songs falsetto?
W: I don't even know what they sound like not falsetto.
P: I know.
W: I'm not sure if I like the black shirt and dark jeans combo.
P: I say yes. I like the pirate sleeves.
W: This is the Jordin's earrings? Already?
P: I guess so.
W: She just had a huge spit!
P: I was gonna say!
W: It was like a tiny parachute jumping out of her mouth. That was exciting.
P: It was Dunkelman.
W: That's a really good juxtaposition. Last time this season, we have McBeaver. Last season, we just got a big wad of spit,. That was our exciting rewind moment this year.
P: When you put it that way, it sounds really tragic. And yet it's a good final four.
W: Well…
P: I meant "it's a good final four… as well as Blake."
W: Did Paula like it or not?
P: Did Randy even talk?
W: I was busy looking at the design on his shirt. It looks like he sweated through it in an artistic manner.
P: Simon is wearing his Hanes Her Way shirt.
W: I enjoy his Hanes shirts. Because I can usually spot a Simon nipple.
P: Wow. You have problems.
W: I enjoy his nipples. I enjoy the man's nipples. Leave me to his nipples. I don't like a lot of nipples. I think we've discussed that, haven't we? Pepperoni nipples?
P: I'm just going to let you keep talking.

(Blake, "You Should Be Dancing")
P: This was in The Office. Neil danced to it.
W: Was it?
P: This is why I wanted to hear "More Than A Woman." Because of The Office.
W: You have problems.
P: Alright, Simon nipple.
W: Hey, I dreamed of making out with Michael Scott. I have problems. But I kind of like his jacket.
P: His frosted tips are back. Those are "cool guy tips," and you will know what I mean when you watch How I Met Your Mother. Okay, I gleefully hate this performance, even though I like this song.
W: Yes. Even though I enjoy the blazer. What is he doing?
P: He's beatboxing.
W: Of course he is.
P: The final two would be boring without him, you have to admit.
W: It would, but I don't know why America is not collectively embarrassed by this kid. That's my problem. I feel chagrin. On a weekly basis.
P: I don't have enough wine in my glass to deal with Blake.
W: Drink more.
P: Oh! There's a current Blind Item that Paula pooped her pants on muscle relaxants.
W: Wow. I have never been that relaxed.
P: I saved that story to tell you, because it had poop in it.

(LaKisha "Stayin' Alive")
P: Oh, "it's a high falsetto song," is it, Barry Gibb?
W: Yay LaKisha. And I love her outfit.
P: That is an awesome outfit.
W: Her bangs are getting a little out of line there.
P: Why isn't she doing the high voice?
W: I don't know. Maybe she's trying to make it her own. And prove that she's an old soul.
P: Did she just change the words to "I'm a dancing sistah"?
W: Yes.
P: Awesome. But this isn't my favorite vocal for me, dawg.
W: I like how she's doing the alternating beat for the aah-aah-aahs.
P: The judges didn't like it.
W: Maybe you have to be a BeeGee?
P: It wasn't the best LaKisha. I hope she does better on her second song. I love that shirt though. It's a great pattern.
W: I know, it's so cute.
P: She looks a little shell-shocked.

(Jordin, "To Love Somebody")
P: Oh, dress over jeans! Love it. And this is a pretty song.
W: Who really sings this?
P: He just said it was a man. I don't know.
W: I'm not crazy about the dress, but I like it over jeans. I like the shoes.
P; CLAY SANG THIS! Sorry to exclaim that in your ear.
W: Yeah, that was a little exuberant. You're such a Claymate.
P: Sorry, she's no Clay.
W: The lights are really boring. They kind of match her dress though. Who knew that the BeeGees wrote this?
P: Not I. We need to embed Clay's version in this entry.
W: So if you were on American Idol and were faced with BeeGees week, what would they be?
P: I don't know enough BeeGees to answer that.
W: They wrote a lot of songs for other people, though. Like Barbra Streisand. And… old people.
P: They really are praising the hell out of her.
W: They sure are. It seems unnecessary.
P: This is exactly what the Grassy Knoll predicted.


(Melinda, "How Do You Mend A Broken Heart")
P: I like Melinda's gray necklace.
W: I like her dress. At least from the sitting…
P: Vantage point?
W: I was going to say venue, but that's better. I'm drunk.
P: Oh, the bottom of that dress is weird.
W: It looks a little like a sack.
P: This is like a boring, old lady song.
W: It should be played on some little jukebox that takes dimes.
P: Hee.
W: Who knew the Gibbs were so prolific? God I wish Jimmy Fallon and Justin Timberlake would come out right now. That would be awesome.
P: That would be beyond awesome.
W: That would be better than Chris Kattan doing Constantine.
P: She just threw in a glory note. Hopefully that'll save her.
W: Eeh. It was really boring. I was playing with the cat.
P: Melinda looks pretty. Wow, I just sounded like Paula.
W: You did.

(Blake, "This Is Where I Came In")
P: I'm getting tired of Barry Gibb being surprised by everyone's choices
W: I've never heard this song. Oh good! He's gonna beatbox! Color me surprised. Color me Melinda.
P: Goody. Weetapidol readers, this is Exhibit A of Why We Hate Blake.
W: Explain to me why he's wearing half of a sweater vest. What's with the Blake lights?
P: I feel like I'm 10 years too old to appreciate anything about Blake.
W: Maybe we're like Menudo. We've aged out of Blake. Once we had our periods.
P: Hee.
W: The interesting thing about Blake is that he always picks songs that don't require much vocal ability.
P: I think he has vocal ability though.
W: Maybe he does. But he's lazy. And he can't do the dorky white guy dancing if he's going to do glory notes.
P: I still think he's going to make an interesting finalist. Note how I'm resigned to it.
W: Oh yeah, I swallowed that pill a while ago. That bitter, bitter pill.
P: Translation of what Randy said: "Stop fucking beatboxing." And Paula is totally slurring. And Simon's trying to stick a fork in Blake.
W: Yep. He's throwing Blake to the fire.
P: To the wolves?
W: To the wolves that are on fire.
P: That tie does not go with that ¾ of a sweater vest.
W: I don't know what's going on with that sweater vest, but it's pissing me right the fuck off.
P: It's Exhibit B.


(LaKisha, "Run To Me")
P: Judge Judy! Okay, what is the point of that.
W: And Judge Judy's mom? It got away from Ryan there for a sec.
P: Now Barry Gibb is surprised again.
W: He's Melinda Gibb.
P: LaKisha has such a beautiful voice. And now we've got the emo guitar. And the fabulous dress.
W: Ooh, Jordin's earrings. I don't like the green middle thing.
P: I love that!
W: It's doing the optical illusion thing to make her look thinner.
P: So you're saying it's like that T-shirt with the bikini on it.
P: I like it anyway.
W: That is your prerogative. This is a better song. You know what I would like to hear them say? "You know what we said about Melinda? Forget that! She's out of there!"
P: I don't like LaKisha's earrings. I like her voice though. And her bikini T-shirt dress.
W: Hee. And ouch. What happened to her voice there? I think she lost her breath there.
P: Why does Randy keep saying "joint"?
W: Like a Spike Lee joint. It's his attempt at being urban.
P: Now this is LaKisha going home. Everybody's lukewarm.
W: You think in a lukewarm state, it has to be LaKisha going home?
P: I think so.
W: That would be a very very sad lukewarm state.
P: Maybe I can save her for another week by predicting her demise.
W: I will stick with saying no! No, she won't go! Melinda can go.


(Jordin, "Woman In Love")
P: Jordin does have a nice voice.
W: No, this is a great song. It's perfect for her, I think.
P: Wither they paid off Barry Gibb, or Jordin is going to win.
W: I like her dress.
P: It looks too much like a prom dress.
W: You know, it does looks like a prom dress. Maybe it's the dress her grandmother bought her.
P: See, it wouldn't be terrible if Jordin won. I would vote for her over Blake.
W: You're falling right into their trap! Who the heck would vote for her over Blake? Blake. They want another Kelly Clarkson, that's all.
P: I hope she outgrows her crazy right wing-ness.
W: I've heard it from numerous sources.
P: I hear Carrie Underwood's a total bitch, anyway. So it's probably too late. Wow, the judges didn't like Jordin?
W: Wow. And she's doing the finger thing. That bugs me.

P: So, who do you think is going?
W: I am sucking ass on the pool. I am saying Jordin. I have been wrong this entire season, so I will stick with that. I will say Jordin.
P: But you picked the pool at the beginning of the season… so….
W: What, if I were voting my conscience? Melinda or Blake. Hey, who is Vote for the Worst picking?
P: LaKisha. They've given up. If anyone, they should be backing Blake.
W: Totally.
P: I once again really think LaKisha is going.
W: If you're wrong… who do you think?
P: I could see Melinda being the shocking boot.
W: We haven't really had a shocking boot, have we?
P: No. And I think Blake should go… but we'll see I guess.
W: We will. That is what we will do.

Weetapidol out.


Blogger Kim said...

The beatboxing was totally except for one vocal break, where it was kind of cool. But Randy complaining? Let's rewind a few weeks, where he scolded Blake for not beatboxing on every song.

I squealed for Barry. But it was not a good night and, in the future, AI should just stay away from the Bee Gees. And Elvis.

Also, I still have post-traumatic flashbacks to Bucky singing Buddy Holly's "Oh Boy!"

12:23 AM  

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