Thursday, April 29, 2010

Top 6 Pool Results: BuhBye Siobhan!

We're a little behind on liveblogging but the cadence of American Idol waits for no man! And it certainly doesn't wait for Siobhan. Already there's a bit of consternation, as apparently a technical snafu on Fox's website listed Aaron's call in number for Siobhan, and her fans are demanding a revote. Until we hear from Ryan Seacrest, the Weetapidol pool scores are as follows (and it's still anyone's game):

Hive Mind 73
Shari 70
Gila 69
Carli 69
TeKay 69
Wendi 67
Kelly S 67
Mopie 66
Weet 65
Jeremy 65
Kim 65
Martha 62
Shmuel 61
Anti Shmuel 54

Can Shari hold onto her lead, especially with Gila, Carli and TeKay close on her heels? It's still anyone's game. What have you done, America? WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?


Thursday, April 22, 2010

Top 9 Again: 'Shipping Adam Lamberrr

Mo Pie: Can I say I'm so excited for Adam Lamberrr?!? I'm so excited!!
Weetabix: I am... not as excited as you.
Mo Pie: Nobody is.
Weetabix: Credits. Let’s play “Where's Taylor?” I actually saw Taylor twice.
Mo Pie: Where's Adam Lamberrr?
Weetabix: They don't have him, because he's too good for the show.

Weetabix: Randy is, again, wearing some kind of cardigan. And Kara is wearing some boots that come over her knees, which is kind of strippery.
Mo Pie: Didn't she strip on last season's finale?
Weetabix: Yes she did. Why is Ryan vamping so heartily?
Mo Pie: I think that's the essence of Ryan.
Weetabix: He's the hardest working man in show business. He's the Kelly Ripa of the short blonde highlighted man set.

Mo Pie: There they are. And Siobhan is wearing... something.
Weetabix: Little Kevin Covais guy looks even more prepubescent. I bet they purposely don't have him standing next to Blonde Ace and Michael Lynche.
Mo Pie: Hee. "Blonde Ace."
Weetabix: I think it's telling that Glee has a Madonna episode and a Lady Gaga episode, while Idol is made by old guys and is pulling out an Elvis episode and a Beatles episode.
Mo Pie: Good point Thank you for the history on Elvis, like we don't know how that is.
Weetabix: Little Tweens, Elvis is important. He's like Adam Lamberrrr, only less fabulous. And less gay.
Mo Pie: Yay, there's Adam!!
Weetabix: He's even better looking than I remember. I think he got some kind of facial work done on his complexion. Like micro-dermabrasion.
Mo Pie: He could facial work on my complexion.
Weetabix: Nice. Way to bring it there. Oh my god, there's the Glee kids! And there's Jane Lynch!
Mo Pie: And there's Adam Lamberrr! He's so tall and Adamy.
Weetabix: He could eat Ryan Seacrest. And Mr. Schu is back there like "hey, I'm important too. and I'm going to do Adam Lamberrr after the show.” Look how he's looking at him!
Mo Pie: No kidding.
Weetabix: When did he get his ear gauged? I think it's kinda gross. Like, wear a big giant diamond. But then again, I am old.
Mo Pie: Yeah, that's almost too big for me... (that's what she said).
Weetabix: That's the thing. A little one is fine, but that's too big.
[Ryan tells Adam his tongue is not nearly as talented as Adam's.]
Mo Pie: Homoerotic subtext between Ryan and Adam!
Weetabix: Ooooh.

Crystal Bowersox, "Saved"

Weetabix: She's great.
Mo Pie: Adam's little pompadour is so cute! Okay, I'll stop in a second. He's so cute!
Weetabix: Please write this down: Mo Pie just squeed.
Mo Pie: Done. Yeah, this should be Lady Gaga/Madonna night.
Weetabix: This is making me hungry for biscuits. Doesn't a biscuit sound really good right now? With butter and honey?
Mo Pie: Well I got a homemade apricot scone warm out of the oven today from my friend Brad. So I'm still thinking about that.
Weetabix: Mmm, I want that. I want Brad's scone.
Mo Pie: Don't we all.
Weetabix: I know I say this every week, but she's really too good for the show.
Mo Pie: The guitar is sparkly. I approve of that. It's the Lamberrr influence.
Weetabix: It seems to have some Chris lights of its own.
Mo Pie: Does Randy have happy faces on his cardigan?
Weetabix: I thought it was mold, at first. He's got some signature there. Frank Morocco. Oh... yeah, that's a happy face.
Mo Pie: Kara's like "I still don't have anything to say, but I'm going to talk for two minutes."
Weetabix: "I'm going to talk about the lyrics to remind everyone I'm a songwriter."
Mo Pie: There's not a lot to say about Crystal. She's perfect and awesome and she should win.
Weetabix: She's not going to. She's going to be a shocking oust.
Mo Pie: Maybe she'll be the Taylor Hicks/Carrie Underwood, and steamroll over everyone.
Weetabix: Except she has talent. I mean, Carrie has talent now, but she seemed very bland on the show. [pause] Crystal's got a lot of macrame shit in her hair.

Andrew Garcia, “Something by Elvis, Who Cares, He Got Eliminated”

Mo Pie: Does Andrew's pocket look like... an ice cream cone?
Weetabix: He's got his wallet chain on Dunkleman.
Mo Pie: That's a new one. Does it make you want to have sex with Dunkleman?
Weetabix: No.
Mo Pie: Goodbye Andrew. I don't even care what you say in this intro because I know you’re gone.
Weetabix: Nice! Adam said he was bored.
Mo Pie: Yeah, Adam, I'm also bored! I just love that Adam is back on this show. It's been about five minutes since last season, but Adam Lamberrr is now a big star and a mentor and everything. He didn't even win! I know that I'm talking about Adam Lamberrr again, but you've got to give this to me. The alternative is to talk about Andrew Garcia.
Weetabix: Point. Pointy. This is boring. He's right, this is boring, even Post-Adam Lamberrr.
Mo Pie: He's not offending me. It's not bad. I just don't really need to see him anymore. Have a delightful career, Andrew.
Weetabix: He's the Nikki McKibbon. He's got a double wallet chain.
Mo Pie: Is that doin’ it for ya?
Weetabix: No. Why does Randy start with "Yo check it out, check it out, check it out, yo.... stomp."
Mo Pie: I thought the judges were going to like it, actually.
Weetabix: Well, Ellen does.
Mo Pie: Oh god, Kara. I hate her. Ok, I made it through two singers, almost, without saying that.
Weetabix: This would be the second singer.
Mo Pie: Oh yeah. Oh my god, that was a great analogy. The boring song in a musical.
Weetabix: What's the boring song in Rent?
Mo Pie: There's lots of boring songs in Rent. It's that snow snow, follow the man, his pockets are full of jam crap. I love that you can see the Glee people and also, I'm very sorry that Jane Lynch and Ellen can't get married because they're married to other people.

Tim Urban, "I Can't Help Falling In Love With You"

Weetabix: The lady in blue is Ryan's mom! They look alike! Don't make your mom work for you, Ryan Seacrest. Don't make her hump America's leg like you do. Oh, I love this song. I always wanted a cute boy to sing me this song!
Mo Pie: I'm warming up to Tim Urban.
Weetabix: Well I like him better than prepubescent boy.
Mo Pie: "I think I pushed him out of his comfort zone." Yeah you did, Adam.
Weetabix: "Turban"? Okay.
Mo Pie: He's got Chris lights!
Weetabix: But they are very dim. He's not well lit at all, in fact.
Mo Pie: The lights are shining on the Glee people.
Weetabix: Mm hmm. In fact, I would even say he is poorly lit there.
Mo Pie: But he sounds pretty and he's playing the guitar.
Weetabix: Maybe they're trying to challenge my supposition that if you close your eyes he wouldn't sound good.
Mo Pie: Split screen! My god, I think they've embraced the Tim.
Weetabix: Oh, I like this little verse. This refrain.
Mo Pie: Oh, he's gonna be a star, this little Tim Urban boy.
Weetabix: He's very cute. Very Kelso from That 70s Show. He's very pretty.
Mo Pie: That was actually pretty good, I think.
Weetabix: Yeah, I liked that a lot. And Randy acts so shocked!
Mo Pie: A tequila analogy! I like Ellen.
Weetabix: Aww, that's how she gets the ladies. Don't flirt, Ellen, he's a boy! You know what I just realized is wrong this year? The judges are all sober.
Mo Pie: There's no happy kitty cake pony unicorn.
Weetabix: I know. It's taken away a lot of my joy. "Zero to hero"? Oh please don't rhyme, Simon. Don't ever do that. [pause] Do you think Simon Cowell is Satan? Sometimes I look at him and he looks Satan-y.
Mo Pie: I don't know how to answer that.

Lee Dewyze, “Another Elvis Song”

Mo Pie: Ah, Adam Lamberrr, that was good advice, that Lee should stop acting like he’s in the recording studio.
Weetabix: Spot on. Pretend there's a guy with bagpipes behind you, Lee!
Mo Pie: There was a lot of homoerotic subtext there, but perhaps I am just projecting, as five minutes ago, I was 'shipping Adam and Tim Urban.
Weetabix: I'm not getting a sense that Lee actually followed that advice.
Mo Pie: He does seem to be actually turning his head from side to side, but that's not actually enough, Lee Dewyze. The guy in the band is emoting more than Lee is.
Weetabix: I'm bored.
Mo Pie: I find Lee kind of innocuous. I just want to watch all of the Glee people behind the judges. There's Finn!
Weetabix: The principal's there!
Mo Pie: Principal Figgins! Jane Lynch is nodding! Jane Lynch agrees with Kara. Mr Schu is wearing a fedora.
Weetabix: Mr. Schu looks like someone just got in trouble. Mr. Schu is a little bored.
Mo Pie: Isn't it crazy that you can watch his little face between Simon and Kara? Jane Lynch is mega into it! Mr. Schu is now gazing longingly at Simon.
Weetabix: The gossip is that Mr. Schu is definitely bi-coastal. So he really might have been looking at Adam longingly.
Mo Pie: Aren’t we all?

Aaron Kelly "Blue Suede Shoes"

Weetabix: I just want Adam to sing it all.
Mo Pie: YES! Oh my god! Can we have that night? Can we have the night where Adam Lamberrr just sings all the songs that exist? Adam has much less hand contact with Aaron Kelly. I'm going to stick with my previous 'ships. This one would just be creepy.
Weetabix: Yep.
Mo Pie: Aaron just needs to hit puberty. I can't assess this.
Weetabix: I'm feeling like I’m watching Star Search.
Mo Pie: Vocally he's not bad but...
Weetabix: But yeah.
Mo Pie: He's really doing as well as he possible could. He's doing a good job, he's just six years old.
Weetabix: It reminds me of an episode of Kids Incorporated.
Mo Pie: Thank you. I think that's the reference I was looking for. I think that's the reference that all of America has been searching for.
Weetabix: Kara is so smarmy. Come on Simon! Pull out the rug!
Mo Pie: All of these people bore me to death. I want Adam and all the people from Glee to start singing, because that would be a show that I want to watch. Hand the microphone to Jane Lynch!

Siobhan, "Suspicious Minds"

Weetabix: That little outro with Siobhan and Adam made me not like Siobhan so much.
Mo Pie: She's looking really smug. I love this song, though.
Weetabix: She's wearing the tights I bought my niece for Christmas. With purple tights underneath that peek through.
Mo Pie: Oh, Siobhan's an Adam fan! That's cute.
Weetabix: It is cute. But I don't think that she wants to be different all that much. I think she wants to be famous.
Mo Pie: Have you totally soured on Siobhan?
Weetabix: I've always been mildly curdled on Siobhan. Even though her last name is Magnus. She's got a great voice, though. I admit. But I feel that I'm being too forced. Also, I think her outfit is made of bandages, ala the Fifth Element.
Mo Pie: I don't like what she's doing with the chorus here.
Weetabix: This is way too friendly. It's actually a very angsty song.
Mo Pie: This episode is depressing me, because of how much I loved Adam last season,.
Weetabix: Why?
Mo Pie: Because I don't like any of these people even a tenth as much. Not even Crystal.
Weetabix: This arrangement is really uneven.
Mo Pie: So is her crazy hair. I love this song. I did not, at all, love that.
Weetabix: It's the arrangement. It's totally the arrangement.
Mo Pie: Which I think Randy is now critiquing. Wow, what's with Siobhan’s bandage shoes?
Weetabix: I know; the whole thing is just a nightmare.
Mo Pie: Kara's like, "now I'm going to tell you other judges what you all really mean by what you just said."
Weetabix: I wish Simon would stop saying "to me," because you're talking. We know that you're giving an opinion. Stop saying "for me..."
Mo Pie: I tell my students not to write that in their papers. "In my opinion..."
Weetabix: Yeah.
Mo Pie: That was actually not one of her best performances.
Weetabix: No, it's making me not like her. She's like cheesy buttered popcorn. And don't talk back, Siobhan.
Mo Pie: I know, I'm turning on Siobhan. TEAM CRYSTAL!
Weetabix: She made voting fingers. She's done. She's dead to me.

Michael Lynche, “In the Ghetto”

Mo Pie: Siobhan's like "This song has ghetto in the title and you are black! So you should pick this one!"
Weetabix: Ha! I love this one.
Mo Pie: I don't know this song.
Weetabix: WHAT?!?!
Mo Pie: I'm not an Elvis girl! I'm a Beatles girl!
Weetabix: You can be more than one kind of girl!
Mo Pie: Well I’m not an Elvis girl. Oh, this is really pretty.
Weetabix: It's a pretty song.
Mo Pie: Oh my god, this is my favorite performance so far. From MICHAEL!? See, he's got all the emotion in his face that Lee did not have. Yeah, this is good! This is definitely the most I've ever liked Michael Lynche.
Weetabix: This is different enough from the original that it's interesting.
Mo Pie: It's appropriate to slow down that song too, because it's kind of an emotional song.
Weetabix: Aw, that was nice, Ellen, to be glad that they saved him.

Katie Stevens, "Baby, What You Want Me To Do?"

Mo Pie: Adam Lamberrr and his pretty blue eyes.
Weetabix: He is pretty. Oh, Katie's shoes are nice.
Mo Pie: Maybe she just has the necklace quota, by herself.
Weetabix: Well Didi's gone. So there's only two chicks left, aside from Katie. And Crystal isn't gonna put up with a necklace quota.
Mo Pie: God bless her. This isn't bad, I'm kinda sorry Katie got voted off.
Weetabix: This isn't terrible. She's just wooden, though. She makes all the right moves, but her performance never meets her eyes. She's like a wind-up doll.
Mo Pie: I can see that. But I still would have sent Aaron Kelly home.
Weetabix: She reminds me of a JonBenet Ramsey grown up. A little kid who used to be in pageants.
Mo Pie: Now you've got me thinking of depressing things.
Weetabix: I'm sorry. Think about puppies and bacon.
Mo Pie: And Adam Lamberrr.
Weetabix: And Adam Lamberrr having a threesome with Tim Urban and Lee Dewyze.
Mo Pie: Yes!
Weetabix: While Mr. Schu watches creepily.
Mo Pie: Oh Kara. You're annoying. Now Katie's doing votey fingers. Votey begging! Even worse than voting fingers.

Casey “Blonde Ace” James, “Lawdy Miss Claudy”

Ryan: Here's what went down with Adam and Casey in Las Vegas!
Weetabix: Aw yeah, what went down?
Mo Pie: I see you've found your 'ship. See, for me, the tension just isn't there. They don't have that spark. Adam’s handshake says, “good bye, Blond Ace, I don't want to have sex with you.”
Weetabix: Ryan just called Casey sexy!
Mo Pie: Maybe that's what's going on there. "Lawdy Miss Claudy"? Is this a song?
Weetabix: It is a song.
Mo Pie: If it weren't, that would be weird. Can you imagine, "I'm going to sing this Elvis song" and then just going up and saying some words.
Weetabix: It doesn't sound like an Elvis song, which is why it's going to be successful. It sounds like a Blond Ace song.
Mo Pie: You're right, that's smart.
Weetabix: I wish I had a nickname like Claudy.
Mo Pie: Does Kara have gyroscope earrings?
Weetabix: I believe so.

Weetabix: So, uh, predictions?
Mo Pie: Hee. I like predictions when we already know who went. I don't think I would have picked Katie to go. I would have said Aaron and Andrew.
Weetabix: I don't know. I can cosign that. But I'm glad that Katie went.
Mo Pie: I will vaguely miss her. Or maybe not. I will definitely miss Adam Lamberrr.

Weetapidol out!

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Top 9 (again) Weetapidol Pool Results: Buh Bye Flowers in the Attic and Mr Toad!

This week, two contestants were aufed, Ms Katie "Flowers In The Attic" Stevens and "Mr Toad" Andrew Garcia, one of whom was taking a bullet for Michael Lynche, who was saved by the judges last week. Oh America, what have you done?

The pool standings still remain volatile every week, with a spread of only 12 points among the real players! It's still anyone's game! The Hive Mind has taken the lead (thanks entirely to the fact that Michael is still in the game), with Shari a close second. I accidentally omitted Martha's name from the pool standings last week, but here she is in all of her glory. We've also added the Anti-Shmuel, based upon Shmuel's comment that he would have done better if he would have reversed the order of his picks. No, not better, Shmuel, but um, not that bad either.

Hive Mind    54
Shari    53
Mopie    51
Wendi    51
Gila    51
Carly    50
TeKay    50
Kim    47
Jeremy    47
Kelly S    47
Weet    45
Martha    43
Shmuel    41
Anti Shmuel    36

Placeholder for Top 9 (again)

This is where our post will go when we are able to Weetapidol it. Feel free to leave your comments about this week's episodes right away!

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Top 9: Phooooooohaaannntthoooo on the Ground

[The curtain rises, and Wendy and Mo are TOGETHER in the SAME ROOM on the SAME COUCH watching the SAME TELEVISION for the first time in a RATHER LONG TIME. Unfortunately, we've also spent a lot of time on this vacation drinking, playing Rock Band, visiting friends, shopping, socializing, driving around wine country, more drinking, more Rock Band, and not sleeping. So, here goes nothing. ]

Weet: That boy you like looks just like Maurice Gibb.
Mo Pie: I don't know who that is?
Weet: The one Justin Timberlake plays on the Barry Gibb talk show.
Mo Pie: Robin?
Weet: Yes, Robin. One of the Gibbs! He looks Gibbon.
[Randy walks out in his most acapella sweater yet.]
Weet: I'm sorry, but Randy is reading our blog. He is totally reading our blog!
Mo Pie: Hahaha!
Weet: Why did they just show Didi Benami on a big screen?
Mo Pie: It's the In Memoriam segment?

Weet: I actually like Kara's outfit.
Mo Pie: Whereas Ellen is dressed like a farmer on a picnic.
Weet: That is something special right there. She's got long johns peeking out from under her tablecloth.
Mo Pie: I usually like Ellen's look, but... no. Go back to cravats, Ellen.
Weet: Now Ellen's just naming Beatles songs. This is called filler, kids.
Mo Pie: Now Simon is babbling nonsense. This is called filler.
Weet: “Some songs are songs. Some songs have a lot of notes, and that's good. Sometimes there are too many notes in the songs.” And now, commercial. Jesus Christ! I can't believe I'm in charge of the remote and I didn't fast forward any of that.

Aaron Kelly, “The Long and Winding Road”

Mo Pie: Okay, this Yoda thing is charming.
Weet: I sorta love them now.
Mo Pie: Except now this is just going on and on because they have to fill two hours.
[Wendy fast-forwards]
Weet: Aaron's got some kind of peacoat situation.
Mo Pie: He looks like he's in the musical Oliver.
Weet: [Oliver accent] Please sir, may I have some... pubes?
[Both collapse into hysterical laughter.]
Weet: This is really sad, we're not even drinking.
Mo Pie: Well, you've got some water.
Weet: [Different fake accent] It should be noted that tonight we are drinking Municipal... and nothing.
Mo Pie: Hee.
Weet: I did not like the vamping there.
Mo Pie: I wasn't listening. Aaron isn't making any impression on me.
Weet: No. Besides, if anything, he doesn't look like Yoda, he looks like Gollum. He's kind of lanky like that.
Mo Pie: But Gollum is hunched over.
Weet: You're right, Andrew Garcia looks like Gollum. Actually, Andrew looks like Mr. Toad.
Mo Pie: Did Randy just say, “you've got a beautiful tongue”?
Weet: It might have been “tone.” But it did sound like “tongue.”
Mo Pie: I really hope it was “tone.”
Weet: I hope it was “tongue”!
[We rewind and verify it was “tone.”]
Weet: And Kara just cut Ellen off.
Mo Pie: She just wants to start talking as soon as possible.
Weet: Simon just called him “sweetie.”
Mo Pie: He was making fun of Kara.
Weet: Oh... I just desperately wanted Simon to not be a prick.
Mo Pie: With as much money as that man has, could someone buy him a shirt?
Weet: I enjoy Simon's nipples, I've told you that a million times. Look, there's one now, that's giving me hope. Leave me something, woman!

Katie Stevens, “Let It Be”

Mo Pie: Why is she dressed like Madonna circa 1986?
Weet: Madonna had better taste than that. And, it’s because they have a quota of necklaces that cannot possibly be met.
Mo Pie: There's no excuse for the earrings, though.
Weet: She should have done the Chanel spin. Oh my god... what if she already did the Chanel spin?
Mo Pie: She was originally wearing a rhinestone beret.
Weet: A tiny top hat cocked to the side, tied with string.
Mo Pie: And then she's like, “Mmm, a little too much?.”
Weet: Hee.
Mo Pie: I guess that was good.
Weet: I was bored.
Mo Pie: Aw, Randy's friendship bracelets!
Weet: How come we don't have friendship bracelets, Mo Pie? I'll make you one and tie it to your wrist while I'm singing a song. And you can't take it off, or I'll die.
Mo Pie: That's hardcore.
Weet: If you cut it off, you cut the strings of my life.
Mo Pie: That really was her best performance, because she usually sucks.
Weet: Well, she sucks.
Mo Pie: Is that Kara singing? JESUS CHRIST.
Weet: And so our prediction begins to unfold.
Mo Pie: Now she's making duck faces while Simon talks. I hate you, Kara! How many seconds was that, before I expressed my hatred?
Weet: Not many.

Andrew Garcia, “Can't Buy Me Love”

Mo Pie: I think I'm officially over him.
Weet: I don't know if I was ever under him.
Mo Pie: What is he doing behind the judges?
Weet: I don't know. Simon's the only one watching it though. The other judges don't care. Which is kind of the opposite of what they want you to believe.
Mo Pie: Maybe they have monitors. Or they're looking at the reflections in their Coke glasses.
Weet: I do see squares on the table. Maybe those are just pieces of paper.
Mo Pie: This song just has four words. That's it.
Weet: There's “everybody tells me so.”
Mo Pie: You’re right. And “no.”
Weet: I'm not a fan of early, early Beatles.
Mo Pie: My favorite song is “Help!” and I think that's early.
Weet: Yes... you know, I take it back, because “Help!” is great, and I also like “Long Day's Night.”
Mo Pie: Mmm.
Weet: He's wearing a button-up polo shirt, and for that I am disdainful.
Mo Pie: He looks like the Big Bopper or one of those guys.
Weet: He looks like Richie Valens and the Big Bopper had a baby that didn't die in the plane crash.
Weet: Actually it looks like Richie Valens, Buddy Holly, and the Big Bopper's DNA combined in the plane crash, and they made a baby.
[More laughter]
Weet: I'm going to hell.

Michael Lynche, “Eleanor Rigby”

Mo Pie: I don't think I actually know this song.
Weet: It's Eleanor Rigby! Yes you do. It's early Beatles.
Mo Pie: It doesn't sound familiar. I mean, the title does.
Weet: Well he's changed it a lot...
Mo Pie: Oh, the chorus! I recognize it.
Weet: He has got the biggest wallet chain I have ever seen. It's so long, and the girth of it.. you could pull a tractor with that chain. You know what this means. I don't have to say it!
Mo Pie: You don’t have to say it.
Weet: But LOOK AT IT. He is the Incredible Hulk.
Mo Pie: This is really good. I bet there's no way he'll get voted off for this!
Weet: I know. It's the best performance so far, of the show. Easily. It's the most memorable, mostly because of the big giant chain....
Mo Pie: Yeah, he's doomed, if this basically got him voted off.
Weet: Yeah.
Mo Pie: Blah blah blah.
Weet: Now they're doing cross-promoting with Glee. They should now pan over to Jane Lynch.

Crystal Bowersox, “Come Together”

Weet: Crystal is getting Ryan Raps! She's getting so pimped.
[They show the Crystal Bowersox sign in her town, and we squee.]
Mo Pie: Oh, that's so cute!
Weet: Oh, I didn't realize she had a baby.
Mo Pie: Didn't you see the audition shows? She's doing this for her baby.
Weet: No, I went in cold. Now I really think she's too good for this show!
Mo Pie: I do enjoy Crystal Bowersox.
Weet: It's got a digeridoo! This might be a first ever for Idiol.
Mo Pie: I would subtract the digeridoo from this.
Weet: See, if I were on American Idol. I would use it all the time. I would use every crazy instrument I could find.
Mo Pie: Bring out the... triangle!
Weet: No, they have triangles. The accordion! The concertina! Mandolins! A steel fucking guitar.
Mo Pie: A pan flute! A zither!
Weet: A Jew's harp. Somebody should be spitting into a jug!
Mo Pie: Taylor Hicks, in the corner of the stage, with a jug.
Weet: It's true.
Mo Pie: She's fabulous.
Weet: Once again, she is too good for this show. Crystal is so getting set up to be the shocker elimination in Top 5.
Mo Pie: Then the show is going to get really boring.
Weet: Oh, Randy agreed with you on the digeridoo!
Mo Pie: Of course Ellen loves digeridoos. Lesbians love digeridoos. Hahahahhahaa! Lesbians love digeridoos!
Weet: We're really tired.
[Ian walks out and sees the digieridoo player.]
Ian: “He looks like Pants on the Ground Man!”
[Ian presents a digieridoo version of “Pants on the Ground” that defies description.]
Weet: [to Mo Pie] You will never be able to translate that to

Tim Urban, “All My Lovin”

Mo Pie: I like this song!
Weet: I do like this song.
Mo Pie: He's Efronning it up.
Weet: It's the only way he'll win. If you close your eyes, though, he hasn’t got a great voice,
Mo Pie: I don't think anyone's ever thought he has a good voice.
Ian: He doesn't have great looks either. So what does he have?
Weet: He's got the looks that 13 year old girls like.
Ian: Like Justin Bieber.
Weet: He's got the seeds that grow up into people like Josh Groban.
Mo Pie: But Josh Groban can actually sing.
Weet: This is true.
Mo Pie: I love how Randy's just going to judge Tim in relation to himself.
Weet: I wonder what Ellen's thinking right now.
Ian: She's writing her quip.
Weet: No, she's already written that.
Ian: What's that on Kara's hand? Is that a ring? It's as big as an iPhone.
Mo Pie: She's going to drink poison out of that ring if she doesn't get to talk.
Weet: She's going to poison Ellen is what she's going to do. How do you think she gave Paula the hallucinogenics?

Casey James, “Jealous Guy”

Ian: Who's that guy who looks like Peter Frampton?
Weet: He looks like Robin Gibb.
Ian: He looks like Andy Gibb.
Weet: He looks Gibbous.
Ian: That's Frampton Comes Alive right there.
Mo Pie: I've never even heard of this song. It is a bold choice.
Weet: So it could be Lennon or McCartney, not just Lennon/McCartney.
Ian: Well usually they just wrote their own songs anyway, but put both of their names on it. And Lennon wrote this when he was in the Beatles, when he was in India.
[Weet and Ian discuss the Beatles music history, and Mo Pie is lost. She gazes at Casey’s hair for the duration.]
Mo Pie: I enjoyed that song.
Ian: He picked a song that wasn't that well known, and he made it...
Weet: ..his own! He looks kind of like Blonde Jesus.
Ian: Is Ellen dressed like a farmer?
Mo Pie: [delighted] That's exactly what I said! I can scroll back and show you!
Ian: She should have a little stalk of wheat hanging out of the corner of her mouth.

Siobhan Magnus, “Across the Universe”

Ian: I can't listen to this. It's my favorite Beatles song.
[Ian flees the room.]
Weet: He actually fled. I never believe it when you say things like that happen. Ooh, she's got a not good lip gloss situation.
Mo Pie: I love her little outfit.
Weet: But look at the lipgloss. Wow. There's some stuff going on there. I bet that's Dior's Addict lip lacquer. Her outfit's cute.
Mo Pie: I like... the word... “lacquer.”
Weet: We're very tired.
Mo Pie: This is pretty. Ian didn't have to run away. Wait, maybe he did.
Weet: This is not.. happymaking.
Mo Pie: Yeah, I guess that note wasn't so good.
Weet: Her lips are just freaking me out with the closeup.
Mo Pie: It's the perils of HD.
Weet: Nobody is an “artist” like Siobhan!?!? Randy, what?
Mo Pie: Um, what about Crystal, Randy?!
Weet: Fuck you, fucker!
Mo Pie: I like Siobhan, but bleh.
Weet: Oh, she's crying.
Mo Pie: Oh, it's very cute. That was a very sweet moment.
Weet: And she's dating the Dr. Pepper dude?
Mo Pie: She's my pick for shock elimination this week.
Weet: You mean this week, not the Michael Lynche week?
Mo Pie: Yeah, the week where they lose two people and cannot save anyone. I hope not, though.

Lee DeWyze, “Hey Jude”

Mo Pie: They're trying to replicate the Kradam magic with this Andrew/Lee thing.
Weet: Desperately.
Mo Pie: I mean it's cute, but it's no Kradam.
Weet: Oh, not “Hey Jude”! I would have to do “Band on the Run” for Lennon/McCartney week.
Mo Pie: Yeah, I'm not getting the pimp spot vibe from this. This is a weird emotional note here.
Weet: He looks like he's either drunk or about to cry.
Mo Pie: He's smirking weirdly.
Weet: Wait, there's bagpipes. Inexplicable bagpipes! They're taking my suggestion to heart! We've had a digeridoo and now bagpipes!
Mo Pie: I think we might actually just be so tired that we're hallucinating.
Weet: The Chris Lights are in a tartan pattern.
Mo Pie: Why did he have to have the hat? The giant fuzzy hat?
Weet: What the fuck?
Mo Pie: Nice parade joke from Ellen! I enjoy Ellen's quips.
Weet: Do you note that when she pulls back, it's like a body language of power. It's like she's saying, “Suck on that, Dioguardi.”
Mo Pie: Ha!
Weet: Maybe that's why Lee was making those weird faces. He knew that a motherfucking bagpipe was going to walk down the stairs.
Mo Pie: I love how Lee's just embracing his power to get strange musicians.
Weet: I love that his answer to “why a bagpipe?” was, “Why not?”
Mo Pie: Yeah, good on ya, Lee! Wait, “good on ya”? Is that what they say in Scotland?
Weet: I have no idea.

Weet: So, predictions?
[Hysterical laughter.]
Weet: I predict that next week there will be someone with a concertina and a steel drum.
Mo Pie: And an abacus! Wait, that's not an instrument. I might mean a xylophone.
Weet: Also I would enjoy it if it opened up with somebody blowing a conch horn. [Makes conch sound.]
Mo Pie: We're very tired.

[During the recaps, we keep rewinding to catch glimpses of the obviously fake stand-ins for the judges. “They have the wrong head shape! They have the wrong hair!” We laugh hysterically.]

[Weetapidol out!]

Friday, April 09, 2010

Weetapidol This Week!

So, Wendy is on her way to my house as we speak, so we're hoping to be able to Weetapidol live and in person, just like the old days... hence the delay this week.

As for the pool results, we hear Mike was eliminated and then saved. We'll do the same thing we did with Matt Giraud, which is split the difference. For instance, since Mike was supposed to go 9th, if he actually goes 7th, we will calculate him as going 8th. If he ends up in 5th place, we'll put him as leaving 7th. And so on.

Since the Hive Mind had Mike going all the way to #1, however, we can't help feeling this is bad news for some of you!

Tuesday, April 06, 2010

Betting on Idol: Tim and Andrew are this year's Kris Allen

We all know that the Hive Mind is predicting Michael Lynche will be top dawg in May, but Vegas has a slightly different spin. If you're planning on betting, you can clean up by putting your money where your mouth is if you're betting Michael or Lee, but Vegas agrees that Siobhan is in it for the long haul. Last year, Vegas was predicting Adam with Kris sitting in the "Not Likely" category. If I were Crystal, I wouldn't be relaxing quite yet (despite the fact that Simon accused her of doing it already). From the folks at

Aaron 16%
Andrew 15%
Casey 18%
Crystal 55%
Katie 11%
Lee 14%
Michael 14%
Paige 11%
Tim 13%
Siobhan 40%


Thursday, April 01, 2010

Weetapidol Pool Results: Top 10

Whoa, Didi's aufing shows just how volatile and ruthless the Weetapidol pool scoring is and just how quickly the tables can turn! Many of us thought that Didi would go the distance (and the Hive Mind thought she would last another four weeks)! Only Kim correctly predicted she would walk last night, giving her a huge surge forward and taking the lead. But can she hold first place with Shari, Carly, Kelly and the Hive Mind close on her tail? It's still anyone's game. What have you done, America?!?!

Kim    33
Shari    32
Carly    31
Kelly S    31
Hive Mind    31
Gila    29
Gila    29
Mopie    28
Wendi    28
Jeremy    28
TeKay    27
Weet    24
Shmuel    24
Martha    20

Also, the behind the scenes intro to this week's performance night has inspired us to give you a look behind the scenes at Weetapidol! Here's our scoring spreadsheet, updated weekly, so you can watch the drama unfold live! Now is the part where Ryan makes Simon and Ellen kiss, the most uncomfortable onscreen kiss since Jodie Foster and Richard Gere made out in Sommersby.

This Would Be Better If They Were On Roller Skates: Top 10 Week

Mo Pie: I was going to try to find the "THIS..." part, but then stopped at this weird scene of Ryan making Simon kiss Ellen.
Weetabix: I haven't gotten there yet. I have them in a line, like at a wedding march. And they all look like they're praying, or at least the blonde one does.
Mo Pie: That was kind of an exciting shot, Ryan coming out from backstage!
Weetabix: It was! The studio looks smaller than it does when they're panning around.
Mo Pie: Opening credits game… spot Taylor!
Weetabix: He's there! He actually is there.
Mo Pie: Way off to the side.
Weetabix: He's the one that looks old.

Weetabix: Where does Simon find all of the partially see-through shirts? That's what I want to know.
Mo Pie: From my Dad, I think.
Weetabix: Ha! I've never seen your dad in a partially see through shirt.
Mo Pie: He also has partially see-through underwear.
Weetabix: Is that where you get your aversion to tighty-whities?
Mo Pie: Yes.
Weetabix: Randy has "California Dreamin'" on the back of his shirt.
Mo Pie: This is going to be a lot of filler. This is two hours and ten people. We should do some judicious fast forwarding.
Weetabix: Are there going to be montages? I'm sick of the montages. And by the way, what's Randy wearing? He's got a tiny little elephant appliquéd on his breast.
Mo Pie: Oh, Randy.
Weetabix: Ryan has a watch on and it looks giant, but I think it's a normal sized watch, and it just looks giant on Ryan.
Mo Pie: I heard Usher is good this week.
Weetabix: I don't care much about Usher, just so you know. I hear he's super short, so I'd be interested to see what he looks like next to Ryan.
Mo Pie: I would like to see Tom Cruise next to Ryan.
Weetabix: I would like to see them all in the chair Ian sat in. That's my favorite metric of how tall people are.
Mo Pie: Yes! (Go to the one-minute mark here to see Ian. Seriously.
Weetabix: Do you think Usher's wearing lifts?
Mo Pie: So this is a montage of "I love Usher." I don't think I could name a single Usher song.
Weetabix: That “yeah” song. where people go “yeah!"
Mo Pie: Yeah.
Weetabix: He looks like what Emmanuel Lewis should have looked like, if he had been a regular boy.
Mo Pie: Hee! Maybe he is Emmanuel Lewis. I've never seen them in the same place at the same time.
Weetabix: I wonder if Emmanuel Lewis is on Facebook.

Siobhan Magnus, Through The Fire"

Weetabix: Siobhan, with a bird in her hair.
Mo Pie: I love her giant glasses. I love them.
Weetabix: Look at her, she's dressed too cool. She's not as nerdy as she's fronting.
Mo Pie: [gasps] Is she a HIPSTER?
Weetabix: I think she's a hipster. She's the Generation Y version of what a hipster is. She's got amazing legs. She's kind of got an amazing body, I kind of like that she doesn't flaunt it.
Mo Pie: What advice did Usher give her?
Weetabix: Dress better.
Mo Pie: I wish she would do her nerdy-chic-hipster look for the stage.
Weetabix: I know. I think she's doing her Cinderella transition too early.
Mo Pie: Oh I know this song!
Weetabix: Really? I love Chaka Khan. But not enough that I know what this song is.
Mo Pie: I listen to a lot of lite radio. Don't judge me!
Weetabix: If it wasn't Siobhan, they'd nail her for those off notes.
Mo Pie: That shirt is cool. But not with sneakers.
Weetabix: I think it's a whole dress, she's got something on over it.
Mo Pie: Yeah this is not wowing me. And the dress from a distance looks like a Jesus loincloth.
Weetabix: She looks like she's in Xanadu. Maybe she's Kiera's sister, one of the nine muses of Greek mythology! If she had roller skates on, I would like this more.
Mo Pie: Randy's like, "that sucked but I love you." Oh my god, I like Randy's acapella sweater this week!
Weetabix: It's got a whale.
Mo Pie: I thought it was an elephant.
Weetabix: Well it is some fat symbolic animal. I think I would actually wear Randy's sweater if it didn't have CALIFORNIA DREAMIN' in big appliqué letters on the back.
Mo Pie: Kara's like, "you sucked but it was okay!" Siobhan's totally the chosen one.
Weetabix: Mm hmm.
Mo Pie: Kara looks like she's in Xanadu. That flowy, one-shoulder thing?
Weetabix: Go Simon! And Siobhan is wearing a Bumpit this week. I can actually see through it.
Mo Pie: Yay Bumpits! I don't care what Ryan has to say, at all. Stay in your box, Ryan.
Weetabix: This is called "we have time to fill."
Mo Pie: I love how all the other judges are nodding at Ellen.
Weetabix: Kara looks pissed off that Ellen got to talk. She quickly had to jump in.
Mo Pie: I don't think Kara likes it whenever anyone else talks, or sings. If it were up to Kara she would sing, be the judge, and be the host.
Weetabix: And she would write all the songs.
Mo Pie: "No Boundaries" week! AGAIN!

Casey James, “Hold On, I’m Comin’”

Mo Pie: Oh it's Casey!
Weetabix: Your boyfriend.
Mo Pie: Provisional. What is the theme this week by the way?
Weetabix: Uh... songs by black people? Well, at least Usher isn't just complimenting Casey on his wardrobe.
Mo Pie: You mean his unbuttoned shirt? And his little embroidered jeans? Oh he's got a red guitar! And it matches his shirt! Oh that is so cute! Sorry, I squeaked a little bit.
Weetabix: This is good.
Mo Pie: YEAH! I don't know this song at all but..
Mo Pie: I don't know! It's not on lite radio? This is a song for him. He looks a tiny bit nervous to me, but he sounds great.
Weetabix: I think he sounds fantastic. It's really well suited for his voice. Now I think he's feeling more relaxed now.
Mo Pie: I think so too. He knows it's going well. Oh he's doing a little guitar solo! You're so cute, Casey!
Weetabix: Your boyfriend.
Mo Pie: It doesn't have a lot of lyrics in it. But that was good. Even Usher approves.
Weetabix: Kara looks actually pissed!
Mo Pie: Kara does have that "stop talking so I can talk" look on her face. Kara is actually tapping her fingers! Ha! “Show me everything you got.” That's her code for "take off your pants"
Weetabix: You're projecting.
Mo Pie: Simon's leading up to something... He’s going to tell Casey he was good.
[Simon says Casey was good.]
Mo Pie:I could tell the little gleam in Simon's eye that he was going to do a psyche. Wow, Kara looks pissed again that Simon's talking. Jeez, Kara. Kara is annoying. Is that like fifteen minutes that I waited before I said that?
Weetabix: At least.
Mo Pie: I am growing as a person. Ryan's so wee!
Weetabix: He's miniature.
Mo Pie: He's like a dollhouse person.

Mike Lynche, "Ready for Love"

Mo Pie: This is also a song I don't know. I don't think.
Weetabix: Usher looks pissed in Mike's montage.
Mo Pie: Usher just gave some good advice about projecting to the back of the room. Now he's gazing at the camera.
Weetabix: Oh my god that's the CREEPIEST THING EVER!
Mo Pie: Then he put his sunglasses back on.
Weetabix: I like India Arie but I don't think I know this song either. I would have liked him to do "I'm a Queen."
Mo Pie: Hee. This is pretty. And I think he's wearing a wallet chain, by the way.
Weetabix: I like him for many reasons. That is not the only reason I like him.
Mo Pie: Are you just quiet because you're immersed in the performance?
Weetabix: I'm just enjoying it. It's not that "wow" of a performance, but I'm lulled. Maybe it's the swaying hands. Do you think they pay people to sway their hands like that?
Mo Pie: I think they have a SWAY HANDS sign, like an APPLAUSE sign.
Weetabix: I don't think it was all that, dawg, but I enjoyed it. And I don't know the song, either.
Mo Pie: I think Randy just called it a "beautiful ballot."
Weetabix: I like Mike's smile. I think that's it.
Mo Pie: I'm enjoying Ellen's judgery, I have to say.
Weetabix: So I think that your hate of Kara is starting to become infectious, because now I just want to smack her. And I think I liked her insecurity last year, when Paula was there.
Mo Pie: She's moved up, she's the Alpha female.
Weetabix: Well she thinks she is. But really... I mean, come on. In a vote-off? Kara vs. Ellen? America has chosen.
Mo Pie: Very true. And Simon liked it.
Weetabix: Well, he had a great performance, but it was subdued kudos. Like, we know you're cannon fodder, we know you're not the chosen, but we’re not gonna stomp on you either.

Didi Benami, “What Becomes of the Broken Hearted

Weetabix: Who is this girl again?
Mo Pie: Who? Didi? She kind of looks like Anna Kendrick.
Weetabix: Hmmm... no. You're wrong.
Mo Pie: Oh, she's crying in front of Usher. Why is she weeping in front of Usher? This is embarrassing. Usher is taking American Idol very seriously.
Weetabix: Well, it's better than the Jamie Foxx episode.
Mo Pie: You're just comparing them because they're both black people. It’s racist joke week!
Weetabix: No, they both have big ears though. Actually I think they both have about the same amount of talent.
Mo Pie: Oh you bite your tongue. Usher has way more talent than Jamie Foxx even though I can't name a single song he sings.
Weetabix: Actually, have you seen Ray? Jamie Foxx is great in Ray.
Mo Pie: No, I haven't yet, even though we own it. Is Didi wearing like a torchsong dress?
Weetabix: Seems like.
Mo Pie: She's got kind of buff arms.
Weetabix: Her voice is still awful though.
Mo Pie: This is not the right song for her at all. This is just the wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong song, dawg. I like her voice and the song, but not together at all.
Weetabix: Randy thinks it wasn't the song.
Mo Pie: Well I think it was the song.
Weetabix: She's very pretty though.
Mo Pie: Kara or Didi?
Weetabix: Didi.
Mo Pie: Well, Kara is pretty too. I enjoy her eyeshadow. It matches her outfit.
Weetabix: You're never supposed to match your eyeshadow to your outfit!
Mo Pie: Well, I enjoyed it. I will match my eyeshadow to my outfit and then walk around with my designer knockoff purse and then I'll say, "Wendy bought me this purse and told me to wear this eyeshadow and said it looked good on me!"
Weetabix: Why do you hate me?
Mo Pie: They're playing Kara off. Ha! Good!
Weetabix: Yay!
Mo Pie: One of Didi's friends is wearing a shirt that says "Didi is my American Idol" but when he raised his arms to clap, it just said "Eric Idol" and I was like, what does Monty Python have to do with this?

Tim Urban, "Sweet Love"

Weetabix: I'm paused with Ryan with his hands between his legs, hiding his erection from Tim Urban.
Mo Pie: That's disturbing. And... go. And Ryan just said, "It's going down." I blame you for my dirty mind.
Weetabix: Hee.
Mo Pie: Tim kinda does look like Zac Efron.
Weetabix: He does. And also, the guy from Virgin Suicides.
Mo Pie: As you say.
Weetabix: "Sweet Love!" You'll know this because it's on lite radio!
Mo Pie: Yeah I do!
Weetabix: Is Usher touching an imaginary woman's boobs?
Mo Pie: Yes. This would be awkward if Tim were gay.
Weetabix: It would. Is Usher gay?
Mo Pie: Not that I know of. Jamie Foxx is, though.
Weetabix: Really?
Mo Pie: He's on the downlow.
Weetabix: With Eddie Murphy?
Mo Pie: Yes. Tim's got these kind of glazed, weird eyes.
Weetabix: He's scared or something. I'm a little embarrassed right now for him.
Mo Pie: He'll be fine. Little Michael J. Fox will be fine.
Weetabix: This reminds me of that unlicensed music that plays over, like, Lifetime movies.
Mo Pie: This is just because you hate lite radio.
Weetabix: It is. It is true.
Mo Pie: This is... neutral.
Weetabix: It is neutral.
Mo Pie: [Sings doo doo doo]
Weetabix: This kind of blows chunks. Sorry, Tim Urban. You're really good looking. This is a bad song choice though, for you.
Mo Pie: He's been way worse, though.
Weetabix: Okay, but that's not really a compliment. That's a Kara Dioguardi comment.
Mo Pie: Ha!
Weetabix: By the way, "at least you were in tune though, mostly" is also not constructive criticism.
Mo Pie: My phone keeps vibrating. Why is it vibrating?
Weetabix: Put it between your legs!
Mo Pie: Ellen makes me laugh. Kara makes me stabby.
Weetabix: I think Simon wants to punch Kara. That's why he's putting his fist on the back of her chair.
Mo Pie: Now you're projecting.
Weetabix: Maybe.
Mo Pie: It's true that Tim and his little dimples are going to get through no matter what.
Weetabix: Yeah.
Mo Pie: Simon is funny. And Tim has a cool tie.
Weetabix: He does. I have never had bad things to say about his overall look.
Mo Pie: It's true. and he's a good sport. Like I don't think he's faking his amusement. I don't think he's calculated.
Weetabix: I don't think so either. I think he's earnest.

Andrew Garcia, “Forever”

Weetabix: Oh stop it, Ryan.
Mo Pie: Fillllllllllller.
Weetabix: Andrew?
Mo Pie: That's Andrew.
Weetabix: That's his name?
Mo Pie: Yeah! Andrew!
Weetabix: Ok, I have forgotten.
Mo Pie: Andrew is even shorter than Usher. From the relative heights of Andrew and Usher and Andrew and Ryan Seacrest, we should be able to determine the heights of Usher and Ryan Seacrest!
Weetabix: Oh I LOVE THIS SONG!
Mo Pie: Yeah, I do too. Isn't this the song with the wedding video?
Weetabix: Yes.
Mo Pie: That's a smart choice, because everyone's seen this song on YouTube.
Weetabix: He's making it his own, y'all.
Mo Pie: He IS!
Weetabix: This is lovely!!!
Mo Pie: What a brilliant song choice, really. This is fun!
Weetabix: I think this is a Chris Brown song? Aw, I like this!
Mo Pie: Me too! Yay Andrew! I'm so glad he's doing well! I'm swaying.
Weetabix: I'm just enjoying it and trying to figure out who Andrew reminds me of.
Mo Pie: I want to go watch Jim and Pam's wedding again!
Weetabix: That had charm and charisma!
Mo Pie: That's right! Andrew IS back! The outfit IS mad dope! I think they're just happy to say something good about Andrew.
Kara: Nothing makes me happier to say that this was miles beyond last week.
Mo Pie: Nothing makes Kara happier than to be on camera talking, actually.
Weetabix: That was pertinent constructive criticism from Simon.
Mo Pie: You're right, and also, Ryan is about the same height as Andrew, which means that he's shorter than Usher. Wait, Mrs. Garcia is wearing a zebra vest. Oh my god, this is embarrassing, I can't watch them bringing Andrew's little fashion-backwards mother up on the stage! I'm not watching. I'm looking at something else. I'm looking at the wall.

Katie Stevens, "Chain of Fools"

Mo Pie: Who's next?
Weetabix: Edie?
Mo Pie: There’s nobody named Edie.
Weetabix: I'm hoping it’s Edie from Grey Gardenns
Mo Pie: It's Katie!
Weetabix: Flowers in the Attic! And with Usher she was totally playing the "I’ve stalked you before" card.
Mo Pie: Is that a card?
Weetabix: She doesn't have many cards.
Mo Pie: This is another song Fantasia has done. Didn't Katie fail on a Fantasia song last week?
Weetabix: Those are pretty big footsteps to fill.
Mo Pie: Aretha and Fantasia? Yes.
Weetabix: This is gonna end in tears. She's dressed cute, though!
Mo Pie: She’s got a bumpit too though!
Weetabix: Yes, but also adorable shoes and cute leggings. And earrings that could be worn as bracelets.
Mo Pie: And too many accessories. She should do the Coco Chanel thing.
Weetabix: I feel like she's got a really good voice, but her stage presence is lacking.
Mo Pie: It feels contrived. Like, "I'm gonna be R&B now."
Weetabix: She's a tiny girl, but that jumpsuit is just not a good look for her. Or many people.
Mo Pie: Yeah, her shoes are awesome, though. Now that I've seen them.
Weetabix: She's also about two accessories away from acceptability.
Mo Pie: I think the song is too big for her.
Weetabix: It is.
Mo Pie: Randy loved it. Okay, Randy.
Weetabix: I'm sorry, but especially not after Andrew, this was not the best vocal performance of the night.
Mo Pie: Or Casey!
Weetabix: Oh blah blah blah.
Mo Pie: "Snookie-pouf"! Awesome. She's kind of glaring at Ellen, though. Don't glare, Katie.
Weetabix: They are setting her up for a fail! This is not where she belongs.
Mo Pie: Thank you Simon, voice of reason yet again.
Weetabix: He is really the only one who's not crazy.
Mo Pie: What is this show going to be without him?
Weetabix: Just Kara Dioguardi, sitting on a stool in the middle of the stage.
Mo Pie: Hee.
Weetabix: Star Search... good comparison.
Mo Pie: I don't think Katie's an artist. She's not an artist at all. She's a singer.
Weetabix: This is the talent part of her pageant performance.
Mo Pie: I guess she could win me over. I like Diana DiGarmo now. But I don't like Katie’s glaring.
Weetabix: She's been locked up in an attic with her twin siblings and her brother. You can't blame her.

Lee Dewyze, “Treat Her Like A Lady”

Mo Pie: Who is this Lee?
Weetabix: BJ Novak!
Mo Pie: So you keep saying. I don't believe you.
Weetabix: I don't even know who the Cornelious Brothers are!
Mo Pie: I don't know either.
Weetabix: Usher's creepy.
Mo Pie: Usher has very straight across shaved hair! Like he has Betty Page bangs, only the shaved head version! Poor little insecure Lee. Aw, Usher's so supportive. Look at him!
Weetabix: Mmm.
Mo Pie: Can I just say that I think Lee Dewyze has a Danny Gokey vibe going on?
Weetabix: Yeah, that's what we said like three weeks ago.
Mo Pie: Well, I'm going to agree with...with us. He's got a Danny Gokey thing going on. Maybe he'll come in third. He continues to make no impression on me at all. That was good, but I know that I'm going to forget it in like ten minutes.
Weetabix: I fully agree. He's actually got a good voice. Much better than Tim. But no one remembers.
Mo Pie: I think Randy might just be on ecstasy.
Weetabix: Awwww Simon.
Mo Pie: Oh my god! Simon telling him his life just changed! That was sweet. That might be the nicest thing Simon has ever said to anyone.
Weetabix: Look Lee is crying! Oh no, not votey fingers.
Mo Pie: I would be crying too! Of course, I will still forget him in ten minutes but for now, I'm having a moment.

Crystal, "Midnight Train To Georgia."

Weetabix: Crystal has promised us we'll be surprised and amazed this week.
Mo Pie: She sure did!
[They announce her song choice]
Both: I love this song!!!
Mo Pie: I think Usher’s kind of feeling Crystal, if you know what I mean.
Weetabix: Yes, feeling her with his penis. He's leading with his penis, if you'll notice.
Mo Pie: I love this already. She hasn't even sung anything.
Weetabix: I love her outfit. It's actually all open in the back.
Mo Pie: I already know I'm going to download this,
Weetabix: She hasn't even gotten to the first stanza yet! You shoot your wad so fast.
Mo Pie: I'm very popular.
[Both laugh]
Mo Pie: I don't actually know what that means.
Weetabix: She's so cute! Look at her! I always feel sad that someone like Crystal has to be on this show to become famous. She's really too good to be on this show.
Mo Pie: Oh she's SO GOOD. I love her. I love this. The judges are going to blow their wads over this.
Weetabix: Kara will look stingy and unimpressed.
Mo Pie: Is Jane Lynch there?!?? With her girlfriend?
Weetabix: It's a Glee tie-in!
Mo Pie: SUE SYLVESTER! And yes, Crystal was great. I agree with thee judges.
Weetabix: Interesting critique about the backing vocals. Now that he says it, he's absolutely right.
Mo Pie: That's true. But I think she's consistently great no matter what.
Weetabix: Did he just point out she's wearing heels?
Mo Pie: Simon is being so sweet tonight.
Weetabix: Maybe he's having his period. This is how Simon has his period.
Mo Pie: He's not been needlessly nice. He's just being nice when people deserve it.
Weetabix: He's being accurate.

Aaron Kelly, “Ain’t No Sunshine”

Mo Pie: I think Ryan likes being dominated by Simon.
Weetabix: Uh, yeah.
Mo Pie: didn't Kris Allen do "Ain’t No Sunshine" last season and it was really good?
Weetabix: That was very good feedback. The "iknowIKnowIKNOW" feedback.
Mo Pie: Ian just walked in and is doing a little dance. An Usher dance.
Weetabix: I'm sorry I'm missing that.
Mo Pie: Look at his little fauxhawk! Little Aaron Kelly! I think I may have underestimated this kid.
Weetabix: I think he's got more legs than Tim Urban.
Mo Pie: If his voice was in Tim Urban's body, he would be unstoppable. But instead, it's like Kris Allen's voice inside of Kevin Covais's body. Ooh, that note wasn't great though. I don't think his voice was as great as Kris Allen's.
Weetabix: I think you're being flagrant with the use of the word "great.”
Mo Pie: That's true. Can you replace it with some word that's not that word?
Weetabix: No.
Mo Pie: Replace it with splendid, magnificient, splendiforous, magical. Let's just call it prepubescent. That's great, Ellen. No, David Archuleta. That's who he looks like.
Weetabix: He's got beady eyes. He looks like something, not Archuleta. Something.
Mo Pie: He's Hermie the dentist.
Weetabix: THAT'S IT!!!!!!!!


Mo Pie: Predictions!
Weetabix: I hate these predictions! Because then we immediately go online and I find out I’m wrong?
Mo Pie: Maybe flowers in the attic girl? Maybe that forgettable guy? No, he was good.
Weetabix: I'm going to go with a shocker. Maybe Michael Lynche.
Mo Pie: Maybe Didi?
Weetabix: Oh right! I forgot her! Yes, Didi!
Mo Pie: Should I look!?
Weetabix: Yes! I'm cringing!
Mo Pie: Bottom three: Katie, Didi and... they don't know!
Weetabix: It's still going on!
Mo Pie: Well text me when you find out! I have to go to my writing group.
Weetabix: I will!
Mo Pie: And Weetapidol… out!