Thursday, May 21, 2009

Season 8 Finale: SWEAOMSME!

Pie : I spoiled myself for Idol…could not take the tension!
Weet : shit
Pie : I won't give it away
Weet : I'm worried that I may have on Facebook, but don't spoil me! I made the mistake of looking at Facebook at some point, but I don't think that it had been revealed at that moment
Pie : well avoid Twitter at all costs
Weet : will do
Pie : I went to seek it out but I didn't even have to search
Weet : that's pretty sad, actually. I mean, I like living in the future, but I'd be pissed if I lived in CA or something
Pie : I could easily have avoided it
Weet : I get everything, first dose and am a little jaded because of it.
Pie : also, Ian is setting up our new flat screen gigantic HDTV. you have 17 minutes, Ian!
Weet : oooh! gigantic flat screen HDTV!
Pie : I want to see HDAM
Weet : fanciness!
Pie : hee. Hdam Lambert. I am already drinking and making puns.
Weet : I'm sorry to tell you that Adam is improved by not having HD
Pie : is it the pancake makeup? I hear he has a history of bad skin. and an eating disorder.
Weet : the pancake and the general corpse-ish nature of his skin. yes, he's got some cystic acne scars. I can't help notice that stuff. I wish I could not, but I just do. Allison had bad skin too, but she's 17, which goes with the territory
Pie : well, I would still fully make out with Adam Lambert
Weet : oh, bad skin has never stopped me from lusting after anyone. I'm just saying that he benefits from not being in HD. it smoothes out his complexion quite a bit. ok, I'm going to switch to the living room and go get some wines and also, Oreos
Pie : I may need to replenish my wine before we even begin! I am drinking Spy Valley 2007 Sauvignon Blanc and it is fantastic. we had it at a wine bar and then went hunting for it because it was $9 per glass at the wine bar.
Weet : perhaps. wow, you started early
Pie : I still have no Oreos. I have angel food cake and strawberries, though. okay! The HDam TV is still not working yet but we are getting closer
Weet : 7 minutes!
Pie : our new TV is sooooooo prettttyyyyyy
Weet : I've chosen a bottle of Alpha Omega 2007 Unoaked Chardonnay, mostly because I had multiples
Pie : oh god, that is a damn fine Chardonnay
Weet : I’m poised with excitement, and also, string cheese as I decided that the Oreos wouldn't go well with the Chard, so string cheese was in order
Pie : it is on! wow, Randy's outfit in HD.
Weet : did you have a seizure? also, I've noticed that Ryan looks extra short in HD
Pie : a small one, yes, I believe so. ADAM LAMBERRRRRR!
Weet : we're having no buffer tonight! It's bareback!
Pie : the opening credits are all... in HD. I'm sorry, the novelty of HD is coinciding with this broadcast. I am devirginizing... devirginating? my TV with Idol. also am already drunk.
Weet : how sweet, it's like you've just now entered the new millennium
Pie : what's the word? devirginizing?
Weet : deflowering?
Pie : we'll go with that. also, that's what Adam did to Kris backstage. 100 million votes! and one of them was mine, as it was the only one I could get in in three hours.
Weet : Adam paints one of his fingers every time Kris calls him "Daddy"
Pie : Randy's glasses and tie! and they are making fun of his "for me for you for me"! they make fun of that on TWoP all the time!
Weet : that was pretty awesome
Pie : I do love the glasses and bow tie and how they match. Kara, the shitty songwriter. Kara in this montage sounds like Edina Monsoon. "sweetie, darling"
Weet : I'm sorry, sweetie, but I'm really glad that I didn't watch the auditions, as I would seriously hate Kara at this point
Pie : "squish squish, sweetie, squish squish"
Weet : I really do think that Paula has someone writing her lines for her. They critique the rehearsal and then give her notes, that she can barely read.
Pie : you're not wrong. we missed Katie Holmes and Suri Cruise on the teevee last night.. they were at last night's show. ADAM LAMBERRRRRRRRRRRR! walking down the STAIRRRRRR!!!
Weet : damn, that's an A List audience and they gave Kris a broken mic!
Pie : man, they are mean to poor Kris and Adam has a broken mic too…Adam's hair is so pointy and cute!
Weet : sound problems abound... this does not bode well What is wrong with this woman in Conway, AR? She looks like a blow up doll.
Pie : who, Mikalah? she was a contestant! do you not remember her shitty singing?
Weet : no, I totally don't remember it. But there's Carly!
Pie : why does Carly have a weird.. floof on her head?
Weet : She's a San Diego native! Whom I'm absolutely positive was my waitress when I was there for the last Journalcon!
Pie : Adam's eyes sparkle so much in HD! I love you, little sparkly-eyed man.
the top 13 do "So What"
Pie : who are these people?
Weet : I don't even remember half of these people
Pie : god, it's been a long season. I don't remember them either!
Weet : Poor Scott... no one wants to stand next to him when there's a lot of flailing
Pie : and they are all dressed in gospel singer white again. Adam is so cute! he IS a rock star. so is Allison.
Weet : apparently that's a finale motife, representing the heaven of fame, perhaps
Pie : I always feel sorry for the few who don't get to go on the tour.
Weet : only the top ten, right?
Pie : like most of them get to go on the tour and perform together... but not, like... Jasmine and Jorge, or whoever those people are. Jasmine sounds like shit... Jorge doesn't know the words... and Gokey has color-coordinated his glasses.
Weet : the Also Rans are kind of acting pathetic about the camera
Weet : I kind of love that about Gokey. I love his glasses fetish.
Pie : commercials! that is cute. I am warmer towards Gokey since he is not in the finale. it makes me less stressed out about the results.
Weet : I don't understand this Coke commercial. There are slug-like creatures giving us Coca-Cola?
Pie : Ian wants to know how many inches is your TV? he is a size queen.
Weet : I worry that I would be too ungodly for Gokey. Aside from the fact that I'm a happily married woman, of course, I do enjoy the sexing and the swearing a great deal. 52 inches.
Pie : that's why we got married, we have that in common. HA HA HA HA! ours is 49, and so pretty.
Weet : Does it bother Ian that our screen is 3 inches larger? FOR HER PLEASURE?
Pie : oh, ours is 46. never mind. ours is wee.
at the next commercial I am going to get angel food cake!
Weet : it's not the size that matters, little Een. Don't feel sad.
Pie : he wants to know if yours is 1080 P. I do not know what that means.
Weet : hell yes
Pie : then yes, he feels bad. heh.
DAVID COOK, "Permanent"
Pie : I heard this song was written for his brother, who recently passed away.
Weet : interesting. I'm over David Cook. were we ever, um, under him? because he still has zero sex appeal although I did really like his kind of dorky quality, and the fact that he sang Phantom
Pie : I enjoyed him, and I like "Time of My Life" so I hope he has some more hit singles…however, the vest. Ian is rolling his eyes at David Cook, although he is sorry his brother died.
Weet : there's a new song that I've been hearing on the top 40 station (which is what I turn to when the alternative station is playing Nickleback). It's not bad (but it's not this one).
Pie : interesting, I will have to check it out.
Weet : I see that he still hasn't figured out his hair situation
Pie : no, he has not. but he paved the way for Adam. it was watching Cookie that made Adam want to be on the show!
Weet : awww.... he hugged Ryan! Ryan feels for him.
Pie : so I have a warm spot in my heart for him, for bringing me Mr. Lamberrrrr.
Weet : Really? I didn't know that! Oooh, the story behind the song, perhaps? Yes! It was about his brother.
Pie : oh, that was touching.
Weet : aw, he made me choke up! I cannot deal with it when people have earnest voice breaks. It makes me tear up every damned time.
Pie : he is "giving up" the title tonight? is he going to come out and put a tiara on the head of Adam or Kris? "here is my tiara and sash..."
Weet : Only in the Best American Idol That Ever Was
Pie : AWARDS PORTION, WTF? also known as the Filler Awards
Weet : remember that finale where they brought out the Claymate guy to sing like Clay and then Clay came out? I still think of that moment and smile sometimes.
Pie : that was completely awesome. I was just about to mention it.
this stuff is all new to me, since I did not watch any of these audition episodes.
Weet : I don't care for this awards thing. It's the part of AI that I dislike quite a bit, where they are mocking people who are clearly not thinking it's funny.
Pie : yeah, that's why I don't watch these episodes.... it's funny I guess, but I feel too bad for the earnest people. I mean that one lady KILLED HERSELF IN FRONT OF PAULA'S HOUSE.
Weet : I mean, this guy in the plaid coat is obviously mocking the process, as is Norman Gentle, whom I kind of love.
Pie : these are not stable people.
Weet : exactly
Pie : Norman Gentle should come back, because I think he has a sense of irony... that is enjoyable.
Weet : and the show is riding on that and taking advantage of people who are either mentally ill or developmentally disabled. I find that extremely irresponsible. At least they gave it to the Normal Gentle guy who is in on the joke.
Pie : I truly do love Randy's ensemble with all my heart. now Norman Gentle is going to sing! hee. see, this is cute. like the Clay guy.
Weet : this is hilarious! This was apparently the prime comedy that we missed by not watching auditions. Norman Gentle, I lift my Shoddy Treatment glass to you, good sir.
Pie : I know, I missed 99% of the Norman Gentle phenomenon... this was the guy Shmuel loved.
Weet : oooh, Queen Latifah and LIl Rounds!!!
Pie : Ian thought he just saw Steve Martin in the audience. IS THAT TRUE?!?!?!?!?!?!?
Weet : He might have! I don't know, I was typing. But Lil Rounds ensemble? Is FANTASTIC
Pie : I love Queen Latifah. Lil has some HEELS, girl.
Weet : Oooh, Queen Latifah's ensemble is EVEN BETTER
Pie : IT IS.
I love these duets, where the Idols get to sing with fucking awesome people that they love.
Weet : Damn, I need a one-sleeved corset festooned with zippers. Where do I get myself one of those?!
yes, like Elliott Yasmin singing with mofo Mary J. Blige
Pie : I love Queen Latifah. I know I just said that. But I feel the need to reiterate. QUEEN FUCKING LATIFAH. this song is not that exciting, I realize belatedly.
Weet : no, but the dazzlement that is the Queen makes up for it
Pie : I can't make out the words. "you are driving me insane, in a barbeque in the rain."
Weet : they should sing something else, but this is probably Queen's single or something "You got a heart in chain, something beautiful in the brain?"
Pie : like, Lil Rounds might as well be a backup singer with this arrangement.
"you the rain, you deranged"? commercials!
Weet : Oh, the AT&T people have totally co-opted the Langdon Pigg song that I love ("Falling In Love In a Coffee Shop") that was previously used for a DeBeers commercial. Weird.
Pie : what is this song?
Weet : is Jason Mraz going to come out? It's a Jason Mraz song…except that's not Jason Mraz, it's Alexis. oh, there's Jason Mraz, the guy I kept accusing Kris of being
Pie : where is Kris, then, if this is Jason Mraz?
Weet : they would be indistinguishable
Pie : okay, edit the header. ANOOP, ALEXIS, AND JASON MRAZ. I like this song
Weet : in fact, this might very well be Kris, wearing a hat…he reminds me of Jake's roommate Jared
Pie : Alexis's voice did not sound that great... I kept thinking her ouster was too soon, but she did not impress me just now.
Weet : No, Alexis was all flair, no substance. Ryan just acknowledged that the Kris Allen fans probably like Jason Mraz and now we have a montage
Pie : Kris Allen fans, woo! not as wild a woo as the Adam cheer will no doubt be…KRIS MONTAGE
Weet : and also, Kris wasn't as cute before the Idol stylists got to him
Pie : KRIS AND KEITH URBAN, "Kiss A Girl"…too bad it isn't Adam and Katy Perry, "I Kissed A Girl"
Weet : who... whatever. I wonder if Keith Urban is playing, maybe Nicole Kidman is in the audience
Pie : I actually think this is a really catchy little song!
Weet : it's not terrible, but a little too country for me
Pie : I enjoy the occasional country tune. I would download this, I think. I like it.
Weet : you have the most eclectic musical tastes, Mopie. Seriously, there's no predicting what you will latch onto. It's so intriguing.
Pie : it's true. I like "The River" by Garth Brooks, and "Before He Cheats" by La Underwood, and Dolly Parton singing anything, and "Who I Am" by some lady.
Weet : well, Dolly Parton is Dolly Fucking Parton. No explanation needed.
Pie : still, no matter how country she gets, I am on board.
Weet : I like a few Garth Brooks songs. I enjoy "Friends in Low Places"
Pie : I like that in a karaoke bar when I am extremely drunk.
Weet : I do like her more with the dark hair, actually.
Pie : she has a weird Botox looking face, though.
she's a butter face, for me, for you, dawg.
Weet : wow, we get full blown BEPs! Oh Megan Joy get the fuck off of my television
Pie : and Megan Joy being annoying! I hear she and Anoop are a couple. that is a rumor.
Weet : Seriously? Anoop could do better. whoa, my AI just blew out. I think there was a censoring.
Pie : I would like to see Adam Lambert now. BRING ME LAMBERT.
Weet : "CUE THE LAMBERRRR" I'm going to take advantage of this boring performance to get my dog some fresh water
Pie : this song does not charm me and there is no Lambert. so whatevs.
Weet : not even the Cirque du Soleil dancers could save that
Pie : "also we have a new album... please buy it!" Randy Redenbacher is into it, anyway,.
Weet : Randy looks like Orville Redenbacher
Pie : more DUMB AWARDS
Weet : ha! jinx!
Pie : also, jinx! here is where Kara pathetically starts singing. Kara can sing, but it's still sad when she gets defensive.
Weet : and it's sad when Paula has to teach you to have some self-respect
10:54 PM Pie : and yet the guys were all drooling over here like GIRL IN BIKINI YES. I was completely on team Kara/Paula. and this girl just makes me sad. this blonde in polka dots. of course bikini girl is going to come back.
Weet : this is one of those situations where I feel bad for people! She's clearly deluded. Oh god, they're bringing out the bikini girl of course. duh.
Pie : of course. there she is. in her bikini. Randy has an erection. nice. and she's got a spray tan and fake tits. this is just demeaning.
Weet : totally, although I enjoyed Ryan's little dig
Pie : also, it is not Adam Lambert. it is in fact the opposite of Adam Lambert. oh god, she cannot sing.
Weet : this is so bad
Pie : but I don't mind if she embarrasses herself because she deserves it and will probably have a sitcom called Shot At Love soon.
Weet : oh, that's sweet! HA!
Pie : and there is Kara! WHO CAN ACTUALLY SING, THANK YOU.
Weet : Kara has just totally redeemed herself for me for ALL SEASON
Pie : I'm glad they didn't Make Kara wear a bikini.
me too.
KARA! I love you all of a sudden!!!!!!
and they turned down bikini girl's mic! ha! oh god
Weet : aw, I totally do too! I hope she keeps her job!
Pie : they did put Kara in a bikini! GROSS.
although she has a hot body.
Weet : wait, she DOES have a bikini! I need a shower
Pie : but that is gross.
Weet : oh, apparently it was for charity … but still. Christ.
Pie : STILL. that was just a blow to feminism. I feel like feminism just died a tiny bit.
Weet : Again, I need a shower.
Pie : Gloria Steinem just rolled over in her grave, and she's not even dead.
Weet : it can be argued that Gloria Steinem was proud of her own body and showed it off, but yes, you're right
Pie : OH MY GOD SO COOL ALLISON AND CYNDI LAUPER!!! Time After Time!!!!!!!! this is so cool
Weet : whoa, Cyndi Lauper, who rocks my fucking world, is playing a goddamned DULCIMER. I love Cyndi Lauper so fucking much. You have no idea.
Pie : and looking awesome. Christ, this is cool.
Weet : this makes up for the Black Eyed Peas and the bikini debacle. also, Allison looks super cute in the vintage prom dress thingy
Pie : I bet it's too much to hope that these duets will be on iTunes
Weet : One would hope, anyway. I would totally buy this.
Pie : Allison seems so comfortable... this is so great. that was straight from Ruley McRulerson of Ruleonia.
Weet : wow, Adam's mom is wearing some kind of cruise ensemble!
Pie : there are Kris's cute parents
Weet : is that Kris' parents?
Pie : Kris's mom, you mean. and yes, that is straight from the Lido deck.
Weet : oh, my bad. aw, I just had a flashback to your booze cruise…that was so awesome
Pie : now they are moving to the Lamberts!
Weet : They split the Lamberrr parents away from the Kris Allen parents! Like maybe they'd rumble during the commercial breaks or something
My boyfriend Danny is singing now!
Pie : and yes. I am trying to talk Ian into going on a cruise this winter through Italy and Greece.
Weet : OH MY GOD, IT's HELLO!!!
Weet : Get out of my wet dreams, Gokey.
Pie : do not fuck this up, Danny
(Ian: "Do you know who he is singing this to?" Weet : "his dead wife." Ian: "always.")
Weet : He's doing a weird denture thing with his mouth
Also, he's wearing a wallet chain
Pie : Danny sounds good. he is not fucking it up. I am okay.
please let Lionel Ritchie come out now.
Weet : it's like a FUCKING SHOUTOUT to Weetabix
Oh, that would be perfection
Pie : with a sculpture in the shape of Danny Gokey's head.
Weet : here it comes.... maybe? FUCK YES
Pie : YEEEEEAHHHH!!!! Carrie Underwood looked put out at having to stand up for Lionel Ritchie. "I am entertainer of the year. I should not be required to rise from my seat."
Weet : I do not know this song, but I don't care. Carrie Underwood wears bitchface like it's couture
Pie : I am happy for you. this is cool. even if I think the wallet chain looks douchey on Gokey. also, LOL. I am in fact still LOL'ing.
Weet : The wallet chain does not deflect the fact that Gokey is wearing a Member's Only jacket
Pie : and enjoying the stars in the background as they sing "One More Night" (I think)
Weet : by the way, has Lionel Ritchie had extensive plastic surgery? He's kind of got Jocelyn Wilderstern cheeks
Pie : hee. Gokey looks so dumb and happy.
Weet : that's how I like my men.
dumb and happy
Pie : oh, this is "All Night Long"
Weet : and wearing a Wallet Chain and Weezer Glasses, please.
Pie : I love Lionel Ritchie. yes yes, you can have Gokey. I bequeath him to you. there is Ruben!
Weet : thank you. I will keep him next to my bed and feed him gummy bears.
Pie : hee! comericals! more wine! or maybe I don't need more wine, given how I just spelled "commercials"
Weet : they are American Commercials? Comericals?
Pie : yes. we owe it all to wine. I have learned something recently: drink the expensive wine. life is short. I am going to implement this new life philosophy, and I have started with the Spy Valley Sav Blanc tonight.
Weet : that's a good slogan. If I don't have heartburn now that I've finished the unoaked Chard, I'm moving onto the Alpha Omega Late Harvest something or other
Pie : mmmmm
Weet : which is, like, crazy expensive for just a little bit of wine
Pie : I love their dessert wine
way bigger scream for Adam!
Weet : me too. I've drunk all of it except for the one really expensive bottle. That is currently calling me. Adam auditioned in San Francisco!!! Why weren't you there!?!?!
Pie : I should have been there... it would have been way easier to nibble his ears back then.
Weet : yes, now there will be an ear nibbling line. You'll have to deal with velvet ropes and shit.
oooh, Kiss
he's singing Beth!
Pie : why is Adam wearing a cage?
Weet : I love this song. It's the only Kiss song that I really like.
Pie : this is a gorgeous song.
but why is Adam wearing a cage? but his voice is so pretty. and he is so pretty.
Weet : Oh I hadn't even looked at what he was wearing. I was typing. He's all Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome. Maybe that means Gene simmons is coming out?
Full blown KISS? Is it too much to hope for?
Pie : he's gotta be coming out
bring on Ace Frehly!
bring on Peter Criss!
Weet : he's got sequins around his eyes. Do you see that in HD?
Pie : I did see the sequins!
this. is. awesome.
Weet : Ok, I'm going to have to make one of those revelations that make you despair for me and lose a little respect. I would totally do Gene Simmons. Even though he's old now, and kind of a tool, according to last season's Celebrity Apprentice.
Pie : yeah, you are completely correct about my reaction.
Weet : but! but! But! the tongue
Pie : no.
Weet : the TONGUE
Pie : NO.
Weet : I'm transfixed. Intrigued, even.
I can't help myself.
Pie : Adam looks awesome in the platform shoes! and Adam has a tongue too.
Weet : Adam's tongue is not freakishly long and also, Adam does not apply his tongue to women.
Pie : Adam is a ROCK STAR.
that's the definition of Rock Star, in Websters I believe
Pie : ADAM LAMBERRRR. that fucking ruled.
Weet : He's totally holding his own against KISS, though. He's even wearing the shoes
it's pretty awesome
Pie : and that also ruled. it is continuing to rule.
Weet : even with my freakish Gene Simmons attraction clouding my vision
Adam was like "How high are Simmon's platforms going to be? I want an inch HIGHER."
Pie : I loved that. please let that be on iTunes.
Weet : I'm sure that it will be, along with Cookie's charity performance
Pie : oh, you're funny.
Weet : Ooooooh! Harry Potter commercial!
I'm a little scared.
That commercial was slightly freaky.
11:25 PM Pie : this Walmart commercial that was just on? I don't know if you saw it. Ian calls it "the white people commercial."
Weet : that's what I'm viewing. With the girl in the tragic yellow striped button down and weirdly flouncy jean skirt. Also, did I mention? I forgot to record Glee. and now this commercial is mocking me for not having recorded it. ooh, you can watch the episode on! thank you for answering my prayers, Fox! Now please show me Danny Gokey's penis. Thank you.
Pie : oh dear god…. now!......SANTANA
Weet : CARLOS SANTANA! who is apparently going to be playing in Vegas for the next two years.
Pie : well that seems like a good way to make some cash
Weet : he's played a wedding before. At least one.
My friend Joel went to a wedding in SF, actually, and Santana was the reception band.
11:28 PM one of those Dot Com millionaire types.
Pie : and there is "Matt"
Weet : oh, that's right. I had forgotten about him and his Timberfake.
Pie : I would say I hate those dot com millionaires, but I know one, and he is great. so I do not hate them. ADAM LAMBERR IS BACK!
Weet : Oh Kris, you've never looked so white as when you try to dance
I mean, you know it's bad when Danny Gokey out-souls you
Pie : this is a great song for a medley
there are Adam and Allison! cute.
Weet : they mad Megan Joy be the Scott-wrangler for this song
I wonder if they cut out her mic for most of the medleys
Pie : who is that chubby dude next to Adam? I seriously have no idea who that is.
Weet : Heather Locklear in the audience!
I think that was Michael from Texas or whatever
Pie : who?
Weet : also, Camryn Manheim was in the audience!
along with Mandisa!
Pie : he is one of the white guys... too many of them. so confusing.
Weet : maybe they're dating now! Ha! jinx
Pie : hee. Camryn is at many of the shows, I understand. she's a huge fan. what jinx?
Weet : no, not a jinx. I jinxed my own self. too much wine.
Pie : oh dear
Weet : I will not be opening my expensive dessert wine, since I clearly have no concept of anything anymore… aw, they get a car! Fusions!
Pie : OMG they won cars! go, Kris and Adam!
Weet : Adam's "Quite the vehicle" was so cheesy
Pie : this is embarrassing. "thank you Ford. this is beautiful. what a car."
Weet : It WAS Steve Martin!!!
Weet : with Megan FUCKING JOY!
Pie : with Megan and Michael? THEY DO NOT DESERVE HIM.
Weet : Maybe Steve Martin wants to fuck her.
Pie : Megan looks stunning though
Weet : I hear he's quite the dog.
Pie : oh really? he is married to a New Yorker editor
Weet : at the moment, perhaps
Pie : Ian re: Megan: "does she have a fake arm?"
Weet : ha! I just literally LOL'd!
Pie : hee.
Weet : If I didn't know better I'd think that she were a ventriloquist dummy for Steve Martin
Pie : I literally LOLd earlier when I said LOL. I do not use LOL anything other than literally.
Weet : he's not moving his lips!
Pie : hee!
Steve Martin has an album of banjo music.
Weet : I actually never use LOL except on weetapidol. I use "hee"
Pie : I liked that song.
Weet : Seriously? I had no idea.
Pie : it's true!
Weet : Steve Martin is so multi-faceted!
that's just crazy
Pie : I love him.
Weet : I do too. I've actually been in love with him since I was seven. True story.
Pie : I love him a lot, but my from-the-age-of-seven love was John Ritter. so I cannot compete.
Weet : Now, either I'm drunk, or there's some kind of hamster-based action movie trailer on.
Pie : no, it is. they might be guinea pigs though.
Weet : I'm glad to hear that I'm not actually hallucinating.
Pie : no. I kind of wish we were, but no.
Weet : it's like a trailer as conceived by The Onion
Tracey Morgan isn't making enough money on 30 Rock, apparently, that now it seems like a good idea to voice a hamster.
Oh my god, "do you think I'm sexy"?!
Pie : is that what this is?
Weet : oh, no, "If you think I'm sexy"
does that mean Rod Stewart is going to haul his decrepit body onto the stage?
does he have an album that he's pimping right now?
Pie : ugh
Text from Annie: "how does the blind guy dance?"
mmm.. not with his eyes?
Weet : I loathe Rod Stewart. I don't mind the old stuff, like this, but man, anything past 1984 is just gutwrenching"
damn, I was sadly right
Pie : Rod Stewart and Randy probably have the same backet
Weet : here he comes, in a suit coat selected by Randy Jackson
Pie : jacket
Weet : jinx!
it wasn't just the wine!
is this almost over? christ. rod stewart?
Weet : I'm surfing craigslist for undervalued mid-century antiques
Pie : I don't understand that sentence, but I just went to get more angel food cake.
there is Bo Bice in the audience, singing along.
Weet : which sentence? That I'm surfing Craiglist for mid-century stuff?
Pie : yes
Weet : Poor Bo Bice. He's become irrelevant in four short years.
this is SOOOO LONG
of course, he has a new album
and then, more filler with the Golden Idol thing
Pie : ugh
this just hurts me on the inside.
these poor people.
Weet : every time they do this, it sucks all the joy of the finale, the Cyndi Lauper stuff, the Steve Martin stuff, it undoes all of that
Pie : Tatiana, I've heard of her... I am sure she will be the "winner"
yes, exactly. this could be so positive and awesome without this.
Weet : you called it, it's Tatiana
Pie : again, it seems like she's in on the joke, doing this bit
Weet : I'm sure that she is, but it's still painful
Pie : yeah. I like to pretend this entire aspect of the show does not exist. because Adam Lambert is a force for good and happiness.
Weet : I will pretend
Pie : I like to believe he is the point of the show.
Weet : is it just me or does this finale seem, like, four million hours long?
all of this stupid filler?
like, I'd rather hear Adam and Kris (yes KRIS) sing another song than have these stupid award things
Pie : yeah, it's definitely four million hours long.
Ian is asleep, in fact, I think.
Weet : Ian is smart.
Pie : wait, there are Adam and Kris! are they going to sing!?!?
Weet : Oooh, they're singing Queen!
Pie : I am happy!!!!!
Weet : So very much! As has been well documented on Weetapidol
I am officially so tipsy that I'm making effusive typos at this point.
"tipsy" was "typsy"
more dry ice!
Weet : I no longer feel the need to apologize for "typsy"
there is a lot of things happening. On the stage.
Pie : yeah, "sweamosme" kind of wins.
Weet : Also, I think that's Queen. Actual Queen.
Pie : yeah I think you are right.
Weet : oh look, there it is on the drum.
and there was just a little Kradam moment.
Weet : You know what would be cool now? Is if a rising platform lifted Adam out of the dry ice smoke, straight into the heavens!
Pie : hee!!!!
like in Cats!
also, I LOL'd.
Weet : Kara and Paula are having a moment
yes, like in Cats!
and then a trapdoor opened on the stage (like in Phantom) and sucked Kris in
Pie : fuck, I am having a moment!!!
Weet : whoosh!
there are a lot of sparklies
it's like we're in Vegas right now!
and then a fucking commercial
also, Ford? What the fuck kind of slogan is "Drive one."
Pie : Ian wants to see Queen because he slept through it
he claims it is my fault he slept through it, and I should rewind
Weet : It's like Coca-Cola: Drink it. Citicard Visa: Get one.
Pie : hee!
you should work in advertising.
Weet : I totes should
Weetapidol: Read us.
Pie : hee!
Weet : ok, I do kind of want to see Funny People, but mostly because I've got a weakness for Seth Rogen
even though he lost weight to play the Green Lantern.
Again with my types.
Pie : yeah
Weet : Do you think Tom Collichio dies for having to shill Diet Coke?
Pie : heh. he probably dries his tears with fifty dollar bills.
RESULTS, finally
Pie : Simon is saying nice things that I think are very deserved
Weet : who cares what Simon thinks? his opinion is irrelevant at this point!
America has decided!
Oooh, he's British, so naturally we should trust him.
Pie : OMG what will happen!
hee. I am spoiled so I already know.
Weet : Like you aren't totally spoiled by fucking Twitter
If Kris wins...
and they hug
Weet : I was about to say, "If Kris wins, I will completely lose my respect for the charade that is American Idol"
Hating America!
Pie : yeah, I do like Kris a lot, but I think this is going to ultimately make America look stupid
Kris: "Adam deserves this." Aw, Kris.
Weet : Kris says that Adam deserved it!
Pie : bromance!
Weet : Kris is being sweet. Aw, Kris. You won because America isn't ready for weirdness.
And also, Danny's voters went Kris rather than Adam.
poor Adam. He deserved the win.
that sucks.
Pie : Ian made me rewind to look at Simon's face. Simon = not happy.
at least Adam isn't forced to sing this awful song again.
Weet : I'll bet that if you looked at iTunes sales, Adam kicks Kris' ass.
that's true.
Aw, he's being consoled by Allison.
Pie : I think both of these guys will be mega successess.
Weet : I think that about at least one of them~
that should have been an exclamation point!
Pie : okay, Kris will be a middling success... but Adam is a superstar already.
Weet : so much for the demographic theory. Two white guys in a row!
Pie : I will buy 87 copies of his album. and maybe he will have more creative freedom than Kris.
Weet : 87? Why not 88?
Pie : here are Alan's thoughts:
Weet : Actually, I'm sure that he will. That's a definite plus.
Pie : okay Kris and Adam, MAKE OUT! I saw an Entertainment Tonight video with Adam randomly kissing Kris on the forehead. It was incredibly cute.
Weet : oooh! and a million Kradam fanfics were launched. Interesting commentary from Alan
Pie : yeah, worth checking out. well, I hope it wasn't a homophobia thing.. I'm inclined to think it was more a backlash because Adam was so overpimped
Weet : perhaps. Like "Oh, you want us to vote for Adam? Well, we won't be bullied, AI!"
Pie : and Kris made a good underdog
Weet : and also, tween America thinks Kris is cuuuuute
Pie : I have rewound and am watching Queen again. Queen is one of Ian's favorite bands so he is identifying all the original members, etc.
now that he is awake.
Weet : I know that the religious right really were offended by Adam. I actually got into it on Twitter with someone who called Adam a freak.
Pie : good for you!
this is so great, even the second time. what a great idea for a Kradam duet.
Weet : well, it was bullshit. This guy fronts like he's all into tolerance and whatnot, but he's a big fundie Republican and incidentally, didn't respond to my calling him out for his "Co-Exist" bumper sticker.
Pie : anyway, final thoughts: I love Adam Lambert, and he will be awesome and take over the world. but I am happy for Kris.
Weet : I am not happy for Kris, because he will always feel like he got Adam's title and will Ruben and Taylor his way into mediocrity, but Adam will perservere, I hope. It's been a very provocative season. I'm kind of amazed that it managed to be provocative until the end. Well played, American Idol, well played. and with that, I must go to bed
Pie : and congrats to Wendi, who I believe just won our pool!
Weet : Weetpidol out! Indeed! Wendi wins!
Pie : Thanks for joining us for season eight, everyone!
Weet : Congratulations to everyone! Final pool totals to be posted tomorrow!
Pie : you say that as if this is going up tonight. I am going to bed too.
Weet : what the hell is Weetapiditul?
ok, good night Mopie and Ian!
Pie : whatever we are right now is Weetapiditul.
Weet : Weetapiditul outitul.

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Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Top 2: The Cock and the Schlock

Pie: I am here!
Weetabix: hi schmoopie
Pie: hi hi hi
Weetabix: ok! we are t-minus a minute!
Pie: I am paused on excited looking girl crowd, by the way... some girl in pink pointing to herself
Weetabix: woo girls?
Pie: they did say woo... they did indeed "woo"
Weetabix: Adam looks cuter without make up I have to say
Weetabix: I like Adam a little gritty
Pie: THERE IS KRIS! I also enjoy Kris.
Weetabix: I am not so much with Kris... mostly because he's causing me to tank the pool
Pie: their little friendship is so cute
Weetabix: their bromance?
Weetabix: I sneer at their bromance! I think Kris is riding Adam's coattails!
Pie: no, they are so cute!!! Kradam 4eva!
I have to say Adam says "I am the next American Idol" with way more conviction than Kris
Weetabix: I love how Ryan is trying to pretend like this is a demographic opposite pairing
"the guy next door versus the guyliner"
Pie: "Conway vs. California" as if "Conway" is a state
Weetabix: the white guy versus the WHITE GUY!
Pie: hee! one of the many white guys vs. ANOTHER ONE OF THEM!
Weetabix: Simon looks very chest-hair-licious... which is not a word, but still
Pie: Ian keeps rolling his eyes at everything Ryan says
Weetabix: Adam's wearing some kind of metallic chain fall?
Pie: I love you, Adam Lamberrrrrr!
Weetabix: I love that I can fit this entire bottle of wine into my wine glass
I'm drinking Bonny Doon's Viognier Doux tonight, which pairs well with my Double Stuff'd Oreos
Pie: I love that I can fit Adam's entire.... um... into my... I mean....
Weetabix: and you were chastising me for my PG-13 texts regarding Mr. Gokey?
Pie: I want Oreos a lot! but I am drinking Sauvignon Blanc that was in my fridge.
Weetabix: and also, I think he's a grower, not a shower
Pie: um, "I want to sit on his face" is not exactly PG-13
Weetabix: I don't remember saying that!
I remember talking about his peen. That was about it.
Pie: oh you said that. I will go to the tape if I have to.
Weetabix: GO TO THE TAPE! I demand veracity
Pie: which one is a grower? because Adam is a shower, I have proof of that too.
Weetabix: I want the proof! PROOF! is he on full frontal friday?
Weetabix: Um, that is SO stuffed. but still, nice ass.
Pie: whatever, I love him.
Weetabix: I don't think your love should be predicated on the size of his organ. You should love the man, not the unit.
Pie: oh, shit. I got married for the completely wrong reasons, didn't I?
Weetabix: that happens to the best of us, honey

Weetabix: anyway, back to the supposed Gokey tapes, I found out just last night from Mr. Jake that apparently Gokey is a WIDOWER!
So now I kind of doubly want to have PG-13 time with him
Pie: how did you JUST NOW discover this?!?
Weetabix: I don't know, I live in a box, apparently

Weetabix: onto mr lamberrrr
he is repeating Mad World!
Pie: Mad World reprise!
Weetabix: yay!
Pie: I love the dry ice!
Weetabix: I really loved this performance the first time... I downloaded that shit off of the iTunes, doncha know
Pie: and the turned up collar is hot.
DRY ICE. fake moon in the background! this is smart because it got cut off the first time, and maybe some people did not see it
he looks so BROODY AND INTENSE.... also, DRY ICE
Weetabix: Yes, he's broody and sensitive. It's my crack. Also, dry ice is the new Chris Lights.
Pie: Ian is impressed that "he knows when to physically not emote"
Pie: I wish they weren't doing reprises for the finale, but if they had to, that was perfect
Weetabix: agreed. But again, I really just love the song. A lot. And his version is amazing.
Pie: Anthony Hopkins? looking all teary eyed for Adam? um, surreal.
Weetabix: Awwwww... there was my Gokey, in the audience, wearing his glasses and a white t-shirt. It's like he's CALLING to me.
I think I'd do Gokey over Daughtry, actually.
Pie: I don't even know you, man.
Weetabix: I'm sorry, I have a TYPE ok? I can't help myself.
MFK: Lamberr, Ace Young or Daughtry.
Pie: easy! K Ace, F Daughtry, M Lamberrr, no contest
Weetabix: Really? Kill Ace? It's like you've grown as a person since we started Weetapidoling!
Pie: Daughtry seems hot but kind of like an asshole.... but hot! and Lamberr is gay, so.... would be my gay best friend husband.
Ian wants to know if we can call and vote for Adam yet. I think I know who he's picking for his MFK.

Pie: I love this peformance of Kris's also
Weetabix: I'm sorry, Kris, even with the Dan Humphrey outfit, you're still doing NOTHING for me.
Pie: he sounds great though. I love both of these guys... little Castrochuleta. who would have thought we would be here today?
Weetabix: Certainly not me. I predicted that he would get 11th place in the pool!
Pie: what did the Hive Mind predict?
Weetabix: that blonde chick and Adam as a finale
that blonde chick with the pink in her hair? I can't remember her name. How sad is that.
Pie: Alexis!
Weetabix: Alexis, yes. Comparing the two reprises, Kris' version pales against Adam's.

Pie: but I meant where did the Hive Mind predict Kris would land?
Weetabix: huh, let me check
Weetapidol Hive Mind agreed with me: 11th place
Which proves it: Kris Allen signed a pact with the devil to win our hearts.
Pie: Paula looks so weird and tan... and weird... like Lindsay Lohan's crazy drunk tan aunt
Weetabix: I think it's so cute that the judges are pretending as though Kris has a shot with this competition.
Pie: he does, you know.... he is ahead on Dial Idol
Weetabix: really?! that's insanity
Simon just called it for Kris! eeek
Pie: Simon just called round one for Kris? that's crazy. it was totally a tie.
Ian says "I don't even know that guy's name, and it was good."
Weetabix: Not even a chance: Lamberr for the win

Weetabix: commercials... Oreo
Weetabix: paused with Ryan in audience, Live and PG/DL logos
Pie: I am paused with no Oreo. technology, you have failed me.
Weetabix: by the way, I think my Finale invitation was lost in the mail. I'm very upset about that, Idol producers.
Pie: mine was also misplaced... probably because we moved. I bet they sent the finale helicopter to our old apartment.
Weetabix: there are various handsome people in the audience
but no one I recognize

Weetabix: Adam, wearing a suit with a poorly chosen tie
Pie: not as poorly chosen as Randy's (she says, without even looking)
this is such a cool song choice
Weetabix: it's a push for him, I think
I don't know that I like it
Pie: this is by Sam Cooke. I definitely like it. it's all mellow and cool.
he's building to a loud part! go Adam go!
Weetabix: by the way, Jake is calling Adam my "gay Vampire Lestat boyfriend"
Pie: he is my sparklepire. you can have Danny Gokey.
Weetabix: I will happily make that trade, madam.
Pie: I love this song because of the secret hidden meaning of GAY POWER.
Weetabix: one only hopes
Pie: oh, I wish that tie did not have a pattern on it.
Weetabix: if I take that meaning, then I enjoy it more. OVERTURN PROP 8, PEOPLE!
oh my god, Randy's tie is going to give people seizures.
Pie: but seriously, look at Randy's whole fucking outfit. stripes AND dots AND plaid.
they loved him! I loved him. that ruled.
Weetabix: Scott MacIntyre is in the audience. He doesn't realize how lucky he is to not see Randy's tie.
Pie: hahahaha
Weetabix: Paula had a mini spaz out. It was like a Bring it On moment for a second.
Pie: and Adam is Sparkle Motion. oh wait, wrong movie.
Weetabix: which movie is that? I want to watch THAT movie!
Weetabix: Seriously, Simon's button down is unbuttoned TO HIS NAVEL
I always thought that was a guido joke, but it is seriously unbuttoned FIVE TIMES
Pie: Ian wants to know why I did not get a phone with an east coast number so we could vote for Adam. Ian has a mancrush.
Weetabix: you need certain numbers to vote? that's just crazy talk.
Pie: Ian only approves of Kris Allen if he is going to become Adam's gay lover
I just told him there was Kradam fanfic
Weetabix: there is? You MUST LINK THE KRADAM FANFIC!!!
You can't show me a picture of his stuffed spandex and NOT link the Kradam fanfic
Pie: he just said... I swear this is a direct quote... "is the fanfic like, 'hey, get your dick out of my mouth so I can sing!'"
Weetabix: HA! Reader, I lol'd
Pie: I have not read the Kradam fanfic. I have not sought it out. Just the cute pictures of Adam and Kris and their bromantic nail polish.
Weetabix: Kara looks pissy tonight. Like she knows it's her second to last day of work.
Pie: hee!
Adam "came back strong" as if he was not awesome in "Mad World"

KRIS ALLEN, “What's Going On”
Pie: this is a great song
Weetabix: did he just forget the words?
Pie: I didn't notice Ian says "F! he's out! wrong tone!" I'm sorry your man-lover is not singing, Ian.
Weetabix: he's totally off key
Pie: yeah, this is not terrible, but nowhere in Adam's league
Weetabix: No, it's Top 13 league, not Top 2... not even bongos on the stage can save this
Pie: here is a whole Kradam livejournal:
which I went and looked up instead of listening to Kris
Weetabix: I kind of love that Simon Fuller gave them the same genre of music, so it was a stretch for both of them
Pie: that is an excellent point
and here is a porn Kradam fic:
Weetabix: excellent... something for apres-finale

ADAM AND KRIS, “Kara's Shitty Coronation Song”

Weetabix: paused with Adam sitting with the Also Rans (and also Gokey)
ha! Scott isn't looking into the camera, but rather, 50 degrees to the left
Pie: well how does he know! it's not as if the camera chirps.
Weetabix: Someone points his head in the right direction, maybe?
Pie: Hmm.
Weetabix: Kara wrote this. I hope it doesn't suck.
What else has Kara written? Anything of note?
Pie: She wrote "Pieces of Me"!!! by Ashlee Simpson!!!
Weetabix: really? I like that song on Karaoke Revolution! When you sing it!
Pie: Adam in a sexy black outfit.
Weetabix: it's got a beaded situation
Pie: it does have a beaded situation... there is no other way to describe that situation
Weetabix: Also, are those snakeskin jeans? With a double wallet chain?
The song doesn't fit Adam's voice at all.
Pie: Ian says this is the worst song he's ever heard. but he has not heard "Inside Your Heaven"
no, this song does not suit Adam's voice, and in fact kind of sucks. it's no "Pieces of Me"
Weetabix: nothing is, Mopie. Nothing is
it's too inspirational. It needs to be angsty and full of weltschmerz
Pie: weltschmertz! check out the German!
Weetabix: I iz bilingual!
ich bin! ich bin!
ich hast keine wine. Ach.
Pie: hee!
I am trying to figure out how to write a sentence that uses both "schadenfreude" and "zeitgeist" but it isn't happening
Weetabix: you can do it, Mopie!
Pie: how are the judges going to avoid saying that song sucks?
"so that performance... was good... but the song..."
ha! Randy went for: "you can sing anything"
Weetabix: Randy is all "you're a good singer! The song... you were pitchy!"
Pie: Kara is namedropping the people who wrote that terrible song!
Weetabix: Kara's making it all about her!!! Wow. That was classy with a K, as Jake would say.
Pie: Paula and her adjectives. I love you, Paula. Paula is also breaking out "you can sing whatever! even that piece of poo!"
Weetabix: The piece of poo right there! With the fly on it! You're wearing a shirt!
Pie: And now Simon is mocking the song! god bless you, Simon. Simon is just like, fuck it, I will talk about Adam the Phenomenon, not Kara's Crappy Song.
Weetabix: Does Adam have his ears pegged? Or is that just a really big earring?
Pie: I don't know about Adam's ears. one day, in a bar in West Hollywood, I will nibble on them. and I will let you know.
Weetabix: I'm sure they will taste like candied apricots... sexy apricots, of course
Pie: aww yeeeah
Simon believes in Adam with all his heart. I didn't even know Simon had a heart!
Weetabix: Maybe he's saving the crappy song commentary for Kris.
I have to say, having seen Adam's three songs, there was nothing amazing here for a finale.
Pie: but.. ADAM LAMBERRR!!!
I thought the first two songs were amazing.
Weetabix: It's not his fault. He only picked one of the three songs, but still.
I thought the second song was forgettable.
Pie: Kitsch! Wanderlust! Volkswagen!
(I am still working on the Deutch.)
Weetabix: Sucks to be Kris, though, to have to basically resing the crappy song that Adam probably just sang better. Gesundheit!
Pie: hee!

Pie: I feel that during this show we have really seen Kris and Adam coming of age as artists. AI season 8 was a bildungsroman, as it were.
Weetabix: NICE! Well played!
Pie: except that's the wrong word. kunstlerroman, I meant!
Weetabix: We'll edit it in post.
Pie: heh. Now Kris Allen, singing the shitty song! this song is more suited to Kris's voice, I think
Weetabix: the song is a cliché... it fits Kris' non-exceptional voice better
jinx... although my comment was meaner
Pie: Ian says "his schlock fits the schlock of the song"
we all said it at the same time
Kris is all into it. aw, Kris, you are so sweet.
Weetabix: whereas there wasn't enough room for Adam's cock in the schlock
Pie: well played!
Weetabix: I try
Pie: The Cock and the Schlock is the name of my forthcoming Kradam fanfic
Weetabix: Actually, I think Kris may have a chance based on this performance... it was written for his voice
it's kind of like when Kelly won in the first season. A Moment Like This just sounded better when she sang it.
Pie: yeah, whatever song they foisted on Blake and Jordin sounded better when Jordin sang it
has Kris always had that sad little proto-mustache?
Weetabix: It's probably taken 13 weeks to appear, slowly. or maybe that's the ring left by Adam's eyeliner?
Pie: Is there Kradam fic about Kris sucking on Adam's eye?
Weetabix: Kara's pretty. I think I'm drunky. A little bit.

Pie: well Kris and Adam were both great but.. GO ADAM LAMBERRR!
Weetabix: agreed! so, prediction?
Dial Idol is UNAVAILABLE!!!!
Pie: aw, Kris and Adam are not competing, they are just going to give a good show!
Weetabix: oh, there it is
Pie: Ian: "I know how they can give a good show."
Weetabix: a donkey show! sorry, I always go too far
Pie: my husband is gay for Adam.
Weetabix: well, who ISN'T gay for Adam?
Pie: an excellent point
Weetabix: If he vamped up, I'd strap one on for that shit.
I think we should be worried about our boy, though.
Pie: I think the finale was great. if I had to put money on it... I would bet.... on....mmm.. I don't know
we are going to vote over here
Weetabix: The Kara song was better when Kris sang it, and the middle song of Kris' was bashed, so his tween voters may be rushing to his defense.
Pie: we are going to vote it up
Weetabix: Also, Dial Idol has Kris at a 1.5 pt lead. Ouch.
Also, you couldn't squeeze a prayer between Adam and his jeans. DAYAM!
awwww... they both told people to vote for each other
and now we're subjected to Carrie Underwood
Pie: busy phone lines
Weetabix: blegh
Pie: we are hoping they will tongue kiss on stage after one of them wins
Weetabix: they will, Mopie. In Ian's dreams.
Pie: wait, where did Carrie Underwood come from? with her glittery microphone?
Weetabix: I am without answers for that one. Maybe they have a giant glittery microphone spotlight that they shine into the nightskies of LA and then Carrie Underwood races to them, to answer their need of a sign out performance.
Pie: hee!!!
oh, my prediction is, I really have no idea
Weetabix: I am predicting... Danny Gokey!
Pie: Adam seems inevitable, but intellectually I think Kris has a shot, and I think they both were great tonight.
Weetabix: Because obviously, whatever I predict will be wrong, and I don't want to predict Adam for that reason. I believe we did this when Lakisha was in danger as well.
Pie: Carrie Underwood sounds kind of bad, I have to say. her voice sounds a little thrashed.
vote Adam! you are voting, right? vote!
Weetabix: Carrie Underwood would have been screwed if Adam had been in her season!
I've never voted! I can't break the streak now! That's my impartiality for the live blog!
Pie: but... but... but....! I had no idea you were striving for impartiality!
Weetabix: I'm the mean one! I can't pick sides (except that yeah, I probably should punish Kris for fucking me in the pool)
I am always trying to toe the moral line, Mopie.
and live a just life, whether it be in my day to day or in my live blogging.
Or maybe I should just go vote for Adam and watch reruns of Kung Fu.
Weetapidol out!!
Pie: hee. WEETAPIDOL OUT! also Fed Ex me an Oreo, please.
Weetabix: done

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Top 3 Pool Results

No Weetapidol update last week, due to various difficulties, both scheduling, technical and otherwise. We're very sorry, but we're also promising to save up all the funny for the finale. Until then, let's get an update on the Pool Standings. Amazingly, the Hive Mind is tied for first place with Wendi, Kim and Aine with Mopie and Kelly S just three points away in second! It's anyone's game, people!

Weetapidol 124
Wendi 124
Kim 124
Aine 124
Mopie 121
Kelly S 121
Shari H 119
Gila 118
Eden 117
Jeremy 116
TeKay 116
Martha 115
Shmuel 113
Julie 90
Weet 86

PS. I think the real reason I dislike Castrochuleta is because I had him going 11th and the bastard lasted until the finale. CURSE YOU KRIS ALLEN!

Wednesday, May 06, 2009

Top 4: "if any of the above happens, take a sip of penis"

Pie : have you heard the latest Idol news this week? Constantine got nominated for an effing Tony Award... and sadly, David Cook's brother passed away.
Weet : I hadn't heard either of those things. Constantine got a Tony nomination from WHAT exactly? his sad little stint on Rent?
Pie : for starring in a musical called Rock of Ages, apparently
Weet : interesting and also, he has a penis face
Pie : read and weep... he sure does. if there was a Best Penis Face Tony, he would completely win. Also the Idol stage collapsed or something during dress rehearsal.
Weet : OOH! and also, the Captain is popping my wine for me (not a euphamism)
Pie : David Cook is a class act. so, that's sad. and Debbie the stage manager was injured tonight. which is also sad. but life, and wine, must go on.
also, that's what she said.
Weet : he popped the wrong one for me, so then I made him go back and pop a better one. Now I officially have ALL THE WINE
Pie : I am doing shots of Yager and Goldschlager, as always!
Weet : as ever
Pie : or, alternatively, I am drinking tea. pick whichever one sounds more fun.
SHOT! I'm not sure what the drinking game is here. I think there should be more complicated rules than me typing SHOT!
Weet : um, whenever the stage collapses, do a shot!
Pie : whenever Adam Lambert is awesome or Gokey looks smug, do a shot!
Weet : whenever you see Dunkleman the kerchief, take a drink. If you see Dunkleman the Person, drink entire bottle.
Pie : if Paula makes sense, two shots!
Weet : If Simon has erect nipples, take a drink.
Pie : if Randy says "for you" or "for me" or "Dawg," take a shot.
Weet : What's with this shot thing? Whole shots? People won't make it beyond the first singer.
Pie : if you can see Slash's eyes, chug. "shot" is a metaphor.
Weet : for penis?
Pie : yes. if any of the above happens, take a sip of penis.
Weet : reader, I lol'd
Pie : hee! so tonight's theme is allegedly Classic Rock and the mentor is Slash.
Weet : For the record, aside from Journey, I fucking loathe classic rock. it is because from the years of 1990 until 1999, I listened to classic rock almost exclusively because it was the only thing I could bear to listen to on the local radio
Pie : I like individual songs... we'll see how this goes.
Weet : and the radio only played the same 200 songs. I pretty much listened to my lifetime's allotment of Boston over the course of two years
Pie : I still don't know the difference between Boston and Chicago. those are both bands, right?
Weet : they are, and also, cities
Pie : I also used to get them confused with Foreigner and Journey.
you could make a sentence out of those band names.
Weet : Boston talks about Amanda, Chicago is... well, awful
Pie : a Foreigner took a Journey from Chicago to Boston...
no wonder I was confused.
Weet : The 70s were a confusing time for all of us
Pie : What Not To Sing (an awesome Idol statistics site) says this is the best top four, statistically speaking, in Idol history
Weet : I'm going to preemptively pee before Weetapidoling
Pie : even though Danny Gokey is pulling down the average with his smugness
okay! show starts in two minutes! if you are not back, I will pause.
Pie : I am paused on the opening shot of three contestants, minus Kris, and I am hoping this isn't a subliminal message.
Weet : ok, I'm queuing it up
Pie : I would be sad to lose Kris or Allison. if we lost Adam... I would turn into one of the crazies.
Gokey is making a smug face immediately! DRINK.
Weet : who would... what exactly?
Pie : I don't know. I would... be angry!
but in a crazy way. oh, this is a recap of last week. they are showing the Adam Moment of Despair.
Weet : Poor Adam, but a little humility is a good thing, I think
Pie : Dunkelman in the pocket. drink!
Weet : lest he have the Daughtry! suprise
Pie : I can't believe I remember the drinking rules after all these shots.
Daughtry! is performing tomorrow night for sure.
this time I mean it.
Weet : I must be drunk, as I wanted to respond ala Princess Bride with "does anyone want a peanut?"
Pie : the judges' chairs look comfortable.
and now they are showing the stage collapse thing!
Weet : they look like bad office chairs
maybe their dress-rehearsal-less performance will make them feel more shiny and new?
Pie : no runthrough will benefit the more seasoned performers. I'm not sure who qualifies, other than Adam.
Weet : and also, oooh, duets!
Pie : duets tonight!
Weet : why is it a big week for Paula?
Pie : this is because they can't fit in 8 songs like normal. they are incapable of fitting in songs this season. still, this could be cool.
Weet : Because she is in rehab?
Pie : I don't know, she talked about rehab...
rehab jinx!
Weet : I'm excited about the duets, though. They've never done that at this point in the game
Pie : Adam looks hot. H-O-T.
Weet : Allison looks cute
and yes, Adam looks like a super hero of rock
Pie : Adam. hot. sentences. no. forming them. hot.
Weet : I don't know about Slash. I probably couldn't pick out a Slash riff if my life depended upon it.
Pie : I have never heard Slash say anything, so this could be interesting.
Weet : I've heard him talking about what a foodie he is
which I love
Pie : I don't think I could pick out a Slash riff. either unless it was from one of the classic Appetite for Destruction songs.
Adam, please do "Sweet Child O' Mine"! I would die.
Weet : that's not classic rock, dear
Pie : I cannot see Slash's eyes. so cannot drink.
I heard they were defining "classic rock" as 70s and 80s.
in which case it would qualify!
Weet : Slash is like that one muppet. He's such a stereotype!
true dat, but I seriously am offended that they're calling 80's music "classic rock"
to me, mid-70's is the latest possible time that you could possibly be "classic"
anything that was fresh on MTV cannot be a "classic"
Pie : well at some point Death Cab for Cutie will qualify as "oldies"
Weet : noooooooooooooooooooooo

ADAM LAMBERT, "A Whole Lotta Love" (That's What She Said)

Weet : it's the squeeze my lemon song
I don't know this song. but it certainly is rock and roll, baby!
Weet : it's from probably before you were born
originally sung by Robert Plant, who is a rock god
Pie : Ian thinks he needs to be "more physically crazy" like Led Zeppelin
I think he is perfect and awesome
Weet : I think it would help if he were tripping out on acid. That's the thing about rock, you have to almost be a little imperfect vocally for it to work.
Pie : he totally just did the Elvis lip thing!
god, he is such a star. for serious.
Weet : for instance, at Weetacon, I sang "Me and Bobbie McGee" because my voice was destroyed, and it brought down the house. Because my voice was destroyed.
Pie : I literally can't remember an Idol contestant with more confidence. he's like what the Idols are when they leave and become famous and come back.
Weet : That's a good analysis. They should take more people off of Broadway, instead of acting like it's a stigma.
I liked Adam's performance, but it's not my favorite.
Also, Kara just spazzed out to the point that I felt uncomfortable for her.
Pie : heh. she sure did. but she was very specific, which I enjoyed.
Simon also loved it! YES.
hee. "the problem is, nobody can top that now."
Weet : I find it strange that Adam (or the AI makeup people) line the inside of Adam's eye. When I do that, the eyeliner just melts away. Maybe my eyes water way too much.
yes, that was pretty succinct. No, Adam will top it during his duet.
Pie : maybe he has special guyliner that does not run. or is applied by unicorns, because Adam is MAGICAL.
Weet : yes, it is applied by unicorn horn


Pie : hee. five minutes later and I am stil laughing about Adam's eyeliner being applied by unicorn horn. I am just giddy. Adam makes me giddy.
wow, Allison looks cool!
Weet : She's very cute
Adam's got a hair girl!
Pie : love the hair
of course he has a hair girl.... and I do love Adam's and Allison's hair!
Weet : I love that she's excited about her big brother date with Adam
Pie : and they are dueting later! that is going to rule.
so this is "Crybaby"
Weet : wow, she just gave me chills, in the montage
Pie : yeah, that was kickass.
Weet : She's got an amazing voice, but her stage presence is still that of a 17 year old girl for me
Pie : I think she's got a lot of confidence... I don't know, I think she's pulling it off, for me, dawg.
Weet : she can't honestly be sexy, because she feels weird about it, and always breaks into a smile
Pie : her lipstick color is awesome. she just looks great.
and she sounds great. I am impressed with her and rooting for her in the final two!
Weet : I think it's a good imitation of a rock performance, but it doesn't feel like an authentic extension of a soul, ala exceptional rock concerts. That having been said, she's still amazing.
I think she's got a chance for final two, seriously.
Pie : we'll see what the judges say, I think she was fabulomenal. and scrumtrelescent.
Weet : Randy's got my back
Pie : he does.
Weet : ooh, Piece of My Heart would have been a much better choice. Thank you, Kara!
Pie : Kara is again going on and on. Kara, SUCCINCT. learn to be it.
I thought they were already doing a biopic on Janis Joplin and it was Zooey Deschanel or something.
Simon has MY back!
Allison is getting a little snotty. stop talking, Allison!
that is going to hurt her, I think.
Weet : Oh, Simon is being bitchy to her, but she's fighting back. Isn't that usually a bad strategy?
Pie : yeah, I think she got a little overly defensive... I think that's bad.
Weet : I think so too. America doesn't want to hear its gravely voiced princess get defensive.
Pie : after the break, a Kris and Danny duet!
Weet : oo oo! I hope it's a love song. To each other.
Pie : that is the dream. maybe if it were a Kris/Adam duet, we'd have a shot.
Weet : My wine is lacking. At what point can I justify ditching this bottle and switching to the sweet desserty one?
Pie : at any point.
Weet : well, I have to drain this glass first. I filled it all the way up, hoping to be able to gulp it quickly.

KRIS AND DANNY, "Renegade"

Pie : hey, Styx! I don't know if I know this song, but I do enjoy Styx.
I do know this song!
nice harmony!
Weet : I do like Styx. I do a fair imitation of Dennis De Young.
Pie : I am trying not to hate on Gokey too much, because I think I am stuck with him.
Weet : I just keep thinking "Aw, Milwaukee boy with glasses!"
Pie : they really do sound good, both of them, I admit.
I will be downloading this shizzle.
Weet : Kris is a little limp on some of the runs, but Danny's got some serious power
Pie : I think Kris has more originality, but Danny has a more powerful voice.
Weet : and also, looks remarkably like Ted Mosby in this set
Pie : that is an "in general" comment, not on this performance in particular.
Weet : agreed
Pie : I agree with Randy, that the harmonies were my favorite!
Weet : I think my proclivities between the two has come down to sex. I would do Danny. I would not do Kris. He's wee and might only have publings (this could be cross-over from his resemblance to Archuleta)...Oooh, Simon agrees with me that Danny was better than Kris
Pie : also Gokey keeps looking smug. drink!
Weet : I have drunk. Getrunken. Getrunket.
Pie : shut up, Simon! I wouldn't dislike Gokey so much if the judges weren't all up in his grille all the time, like Jamie Foxx.
Weet : the timing of this is weird. Solos are next? With Danny and Kris?
Pie : Gokey has done some kind of crappy boring karaoke performances and gotten this overblown praise, and it's just annoying. I think he's talented, though. maybe I will recalibrate.
Weet : Wouldn't Allison and Adam do their duet now?
Pie : one would think.... but I guess not!
Weet : I'm fully accepting that there is a high liklihood that I only like Danny because I kind of want to fuck him. There. I said it.
Pie : well apparently the judges all feel the same way.
Weet : That McDonald's commercial was just subtley racist.
Pie : I, of course, am into the gay one who looks like my hot ex-boyfriend. I missed the racist McDonald's commercial.
Weet : Maybe they can have a fivesome with me and I will be happy. Randy can wait outside.
It's a McCafe commercial, and the black girl is beleaguered and saddened by society, while the white people are smug in their McDonald's cafe items. Until finally a white girl hands the black girl a cheap HFCS laden McCafe and then she's happy. oooh a commercial for Glee! With Journey! Not racist, either!
Pie : well perhaps it is an ironic reversal of the "magical black man" stereotype, and it is the magical white lady. I am so into Glee. and we're back!
Weet : Seriously, they've been cockteasing me wiht that show for WEEKS.
it's very unfair

KRIS ALLEN, "Come Together"

Weet : Revolution is such a bleh Beatles song. There are so many awesome Beatles songs, why pick shitty ones like Revolution or "Come Together"
Pie : Kris is discussing his process. I think they're running long on timing as it is already 40 minutes into the show and they have only done half the performances.
Weet : if Kris pees his pants, do a shot!
Pie : heh. I know. I want to hear "Help!"
Weet : This song is sung in the key of "Douche"
Pie : wow, you know, Rock Night is kind of awesome.
Weet : I'm probably unfairly prejudiced against Kris.
Pie : I see we differ in our opinions at this time.
I have liked everything so far! and I think Kris is sweet.
Weet : It's not his fault that I don't like him.
Pie : I blame Danny Gokey for the fact that I don't like him.
Weet : Some of his performances, I enjoy a great deal. This one is too Jason Mraz, again. That's a common complaint of mine.
It's Danny Gokey's fault that you don't like Danny Gokey?!
Pie : I don't know much about Mraz except the "Remedy" song, which I like.
Weet : You just said it was the judges' fault!
Pie : yes, I blame Gokey for my Gokey-dislike.
and the judges too. there is enough guilt to go around!
Weet : that's true, there's a lot of blame
Also, Randy's t-shirt has more bling than a retiree on a cruise ship.
Pie : hee!
Weet : Kara didn't care for it, felt it could have used a little more Gokey.
Pie : Randy liked the guitar playing and his failed attempt at rock. Kara did not like it. and now she's elaborating, of course.
Weet : Paula comments that he was singing, and it was Kris.
And also, that he was singing the song. And he imprinted on it. And he was standing on the stage.
God, I love Paula.
Simon felt it was like eating ice for lunch. Ooh, see, that's much more harsh than I was, which was just that I didn't want to have anything to do with Kris' penis.
Pie : ha! and ha.
and I love how Simon is still hard for Adam. aren't we all, Simon? aren't we all.
Weet : yeah, get in line, Cowell
preferrably in a daisy chain
Oooh, I LOVE Dream On
Pie : oh dear.
Weet : I'm not sure how he's going to do with it, though. If he screams it, I will be upset.
Pie : Michael Johns did this song. Danny Gokey, you are no Michael Johns.
Weet : Which song would you sing during Classic rock week, Pie?
Pie : that is a fine question. I don't know a lot of classic rock. nor can I really sing. so... um... that Styx song about the winds of change.
(I have no idea if those are the words. I would learn the words.)
Weet : huh
I'm stymied
Come Sail Away?
Pie : we are basically picking what we would do for Styx week
Weet : I think the Winds of Change was Scorpion, wasn't it? I am lost. I would not do Styx. I would probably do The Pretenders
Pie : heh, oh yeah, that is an excellent point. I would also know the name of the band.
Weet : oooh, you could do Dust in the Wind! That one is always an easy platinum on Karaoke Revolution
Pie : oh, I love that song so very much.
there is a video of Adam Lambert performing that song. on YouTube. you're welcome, world!


Pie : good god
Weet : I might do "Bohemian Rhapsody" though
Pie : what the hell is that last note
Weet : it was an orgasm. He came in his pants. That's the only time a man should make that kind of noise.
Pie : "Bohemian Rhapsody" is such a weird song to sing, though. it's impossible to arrange.
I love how Slash is like "well, that could go either way."
Weet : true dat
Pie : thank you, Slash, for clearly disliking smugface Gokey.
Weet : I enjoy Mr. Gokey's purple shirt of justice.
I did not enjoy Mr. Gokey's spontaneous spittle that was caught by the camera.
Pie : I do not want to see the words Gokey and orgasm in the same sentence anymore.
Weet : sometimes the HD is a curse.
Pie : oh dear god the screaming. STOP SCREAMING AT ME, GOKEY.
Weet : ooh, there's that note. Where bad things are happening. To Mr. Gokey. Which would be an orgasm.
Note the inclusion of periods so that it was not the same sentence.
Pie : was it just me or did he just embarrass himself with that?
a stickler for the law!
you are. I mean. with the two sentences.
Weet : It was actually a pretty fair rendering of the original, but that's not pretty either.
Pie : A+ for effort? this isn't FIRST GRADE, RANDY.
Weet : He colored outside of the lines!
Kara repeating herself. Repeatedly.
Pie : Kara goes on and on and on and on and on.
Weet : Oooh, I know what song I would sing! "Don't Fear the Reaper"!
Weet : sorry, I've clearly lost interest in the judges. They don't matter! Also, I've had some wine!
Pie : that might be my favorite song on earth. that and "One Night in Bangkok"
thank you Simon! "a horror movie"! yes!
Weet : oh my god, there's 6 minutes left and we haven't heard Adam and Allison het, and I'm sure there are commercials!
My stupid TiFaux is going to cut out!
Pie : that's right, keep talking, Gokey. dig yourself deeper.
that's because these people can no longer bring a show in on time because Kara NEVER SHUTS UP.
Weet : that's really what it is
she just keeps on repeating, trying desperately to be relvant
Pie : also, she told Danny he should do "early Aerosmith" but isn't "Dream On" early Aerosmith?
am I insane?
Weet : yes, it's early
maybe she's confusing it with Janey's Got a Gun
or that stupid song from Armaggedon
Pie : god, that fucking song.

ALLISON AND ADAM, "Slow Ride" by Foghat

: whoa weird
Pie : I don't know this song
Weet : I would not have picked that song
Pie : Adam's pants make me happy. in my pants.
Weet : they are good pants
Pie : these two could totally go on tour tomorrow.
Weet : I also really like this new outfit for Allison. Better than her earlier outfit.
Allison, opening for Adam of course
Pie : yeah, I like it too. they look great.
I think this is good for Allison, to be paired up with Adam in the pimp spot.
Weet : agreed
Pie : it might counteract her backtalk to the judges.
Weet : and honestly, I think Allison is the only one who can hold her own with him.
perhaps. We shall see.
That was a great performance, though, despite the fact that I loathe the song.
Pie : yeah, I think that says a lot about Allison. she can definitely hold her own.
Weet : considering her age. If she had hit AI in two years, she would have been unstoppable
are they yelling "Fuck you" at simon?
and my TiFaux just stopped
Pie : I have no idea what they were yelling.
Simon is saying that Adam may have given Allison a boost with that duet. hey, I just said that! we are in sync tonight, me and Simon.
Adam just said Allison was like his little sister.
Weet : I called that!
Pie : now they are doing RECAP!
Weet : Kris is done
that's my prediction
Pie : as much as I think Danny sucks and would love to see him shock booted, I agree. Kris is gone.
Weet : Poor Kris. Buh bye.
let me check Dial Idol!
Adam is totally safe.
Allison is sucking hind tit, followed by Kris.
Pie : I want Gokey to at least be in the bottom two so he doesn't have the stupid perfect record.
sucking hind tit?
Weet : that's a Captainism
Pie : I see. okay then.
Weet : and also, I am drunk.
Pie : heh. then I say Allison and Kris for bottom two, with Kris getting the boot.
Weet : so his perfect record may well be intact. We shall see! What have you done America!!!
Pie : ugh, Danny Gokey. at least tomorrow night is Daughtry.


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Tuesday, May 05, 2009

Dream On "Extended Version"

Oh my god, is just hilarious. I could not stop laughing.

Monday, May 04, 2009

Top 5 Pool Results

What a shake up! Between the confusion of how to rank "MATT" and his staggered ousting and the fact that roughly half of the pool predicted that he would either be eliminated 6th or 7th, it was a very exciting week for our pool! In the end, we decided to treat "Matt"s elimination as 6th place.* Big props to Wendi, Eden, Gila and Shari who predicted Matt would get 6th place! Meanwhile, Aine, Kim and the Weetapidol Hive Mind will be giving baleful stares to the judge's panel, as they had predicted a 7th place trophy for our man "Matt".

Here are the current standings! Congratulations to Kim and Shari who are vying for first, and also, how eerie that the Hive Mind continues to reign supreme?

Shari H 101
Kim 101
Weetapidol Hive Mind 100
Kelly S 99
TeKay 99
Wendi 98
Aine 98
Mopie 97
Gila 95
Eden 94
Jeremy 92
Martha 91
Shmuel 91
Weet 68
Julie 66

[His original placement was at 7th, and his actual exit was at 5th. So people who placed him either 7th or 5th got 12 points each; the lucky people who guessed the average of the two, 6th place, got the full 13 points for this week. -Pie]

Friday, May 01, 2009

Top 5 Performances: With A Special Guest... From The Future

Weetabix: hi!
Pie: I texted you from the road, but am now here in front of my computer… Idol begins in six minutes!
Weetabix: yes! early word is that Adam and Allison were amazing!
Pie: I am not surprised! I am also rooting for Kris… I am anti-rooting for Danny and "Matt"
Weetabix: I like everyone but "Matt" at this point
although on the scale, Kris is a neighbor of "Matt"
and Danny lives on the other side of the complex
Pie: ooh, so we have a Danny Divide. a Danny Disagreement. a Danny Dispute.
Weetabix: that we do… Danny is the Jordin Sparks's earrings of this season
I'm probably biased because he's a Milwaukee boy
Pie: well we'll see how we feel about his performance
Weetabix: I'm enjoying Adams outfit
Pie: Adam is wearing a white suit… "Matt" is wearing a "hat"
Weetabix: of course, "Matt" is desperately grasping at straws
Pie: rrooo rooooo!
Weetabix: I'm also enjoying the flaming redness of Allison's hair
Pie: well "Matt" has overstayed his welcome... or in other words, the judges' save is stupid.
or at least was stupid in this case.
I am so sad they are not doing two songs each
Weetabix: I am still stymied by that save
when do they do two songs each? top four?
Pie: this is normally the week of two songs each
but no, they are too attached to their filler
and by filler, I mean Kara DioGuardi
Weetabix: what's the theme tonight?
Pie: Rat Pack songs!
Allison looks pretty... I think they all look pretty snazzy, actually.
also I am in love with Adam.
ooh, a "mystery mentor"
it's the ghost of Frank Sinatra!
hee. Kris just pointed out that everyone in the Rat Pack is dead.
um, am I crazy or is Jamie Foxx an actor?
Is this thing on?

[We resolve our technical difficulties during which I apparently talked to myself for a while.]

Weetabix: I don't think Jamie Foxx is the perfect mentor for this week
Pie: he kind of has a Rat Pack vibe, I guess... I can almost see it

"The Way You Look Tonight"

Weetabix: you know who Kris is? He's the ghost of DUNKLEMAN!
Pie: yes! a song that I love!
Weetabix: me too! we're back to the montages
What the hell is Jamie Foxx going to add? I'm stymied by this.
Pie: Jamie Foxx "I am not trying to sing the throat Olympics." THAT MEANS NOTHING, JAMIE FOXX.
I guess Kris is not so confident! aww.
Weetabix: aw, that's somewhat sweet
Pie: oh this is so pretty!
this is why I enjoy Kris. well this, and “Falling Slowly”
Weetabix: I wish he would have shaved for this occasion
8:12 PM Falling Slowly was lovely
Pie: this song reminds me of my wedding. aw. romance!
and now it got all fast with weird falsetto
Weetabix: This is the difference between Castro and Castrochuleta, right here. If Castro had attempted this (and he would have), it would have been soaking in douchey.
I don't like the change up
Pie: that did not work that well, Kris. but no, definitely zero douchey. Kris seems sweet.
Weetabix: and, apparently short.
I'm not sure about that last note, though
Pie: I am sure that it was not great. I loved the first half. the second half, not so much.
Weetabix: I do enjoy him in a suit, however
Would it have killed Randy to keep the friendship beads for Woodstock night?
Pie: hee. wow, Randy and his Girl Scout necklace loved it!
Kara is some things.
Weetabix: She's really rando. What are her qualifications again?
Pie: she is a songwriter, I believe.
Weetabix: But writing a song, or several songs, does not give you any kind of ability to judge vocal ability or star quality, am I wrong?
Pie: I think she has expertise, it just doesn't translate to most of her comments.

Pie: Paula is wearing a red napkin! which I enjoy.
Paula looks like she's been starched and stuffed in a champagne glass.
Simon thinks it was… “wet”?
Pie: of course Kris is not going to win. his name is not Adam Lambert.
Weetabix: well, duh
it will be sad when all of these people who are not Adam Lambert have to go home
Pie: right now it's like, will Kris or Allison make it into the final two?
who will lose to Adam?
Weetabix: It's seeming like the set up to your demographic theory right now
I'm thinking Allison against Adam
Pie: yeah but she keeps hitting the seal... I don't know if she's got the votes
Weetabix: has she been in the bottom yet? I never watch the results show
I just find out when someone spills it on Twitter
Pie: she's been in the bottom repeatedly
Weetabix: I should probably watch so that I'm not totally crushed when Adam hits bottom, should he ever do so
Pie: last week, she was in the bottom three
Adam will never hit bottom [Oh, how innocent I was back then. –Future Pie]
actually at this point, Adam, Danny and Kris are all completely virginal... none of them has ever been bottom three.
(insert "Adam/ bottom” joke here.) ("Adam has never been on the bottom.... on this show.")
Weetabix: I fear that he will be felled by some shocker revelation that he's gay. I am worried that the American teens who are voting (by which, I mean 12 year olds) are fantasizing about marrying Adam. And unless they're, say, a boy, that's going to leave them stymied
Pie: I really think everyone knows... it's not some huge secret
Weetabix: I hope everyone knows, but I never underestimate naivete, especially in the Midwest
I didn't know Morrissey was gay until a long time!

"Somone To Watch Over Me"

Pie: Allison's hair is a FANTASTIC color.
Weetabix: one might say that it's Coke Can Red
Pie: one might say that! Allison is very cute.
Weetabix: she is, and that seems to be a very cute dress
I'll have to see her standing, but I like it right now
oh, I love this song
Pie: me too. LOVE this song.
oh yeah, Jamie Foxx. I forgot about him
Jamie Foxx wants her to think about her family. okay, Jamie Foxx.
Weetabix: Oh please shut up Jamie Foxx
Pie: he does not understand this song, I guess.
I love this torch song arrangement and her husky voice... so great.
Weetabix: it's really perfect for her. This is one of the few times where I don't feel like she's straining her voice against the song.
and also, she looks SO cute tonight… that dress is very flattering
Pie: I think Kat McPhee did this song.. I remember really liking it when Kat did it, too.
lovely, Allison!
Weetabix: that was super lovely
Pie: Randy loved her! woo!
Weetabix: Randy compared her voice to Pink's, which was something I hadn't considered. It IS like Pink's.
Pie: yeah, it is.... I've heard that comparison before.
I love how Kara actually basically comments twice. she just can't be succinct.
Weetabix: It really makes Paula seem well-spoken.
Pie: Simon: "do you think you can win?" Allison: "I don't know, is my name ADAM LAMBERT?"
Weetabix: You could almost see her think "Well, uh, Adam..." when he asked that
Pie: yeah no kidding. "Have you... noticed Adam is on this show?"
IF Name="AdamLambert" THEN yes

"My Funny Valentine"

Pie: I love all these songs, by the way
Weetabix: damn it, I was kind of enjoying good performances, and now we have stupid "Matt" and his "hat"
Pie: hee. he's not even that bad, it's just I resent the judges saving him pointlessly.
Weetabix: I just resent him for no real special reason
I resent the judges for saving him. I don't hold that against "Matt"
Pie: yeah, that's what I'm saying… he's fine, just... shouldn't really be on the show anymore. on borrowed time!
Weetabix: The judges should have saved the save for the shocking Daughtry-esque dismissal of Adam
which we're due for, quite honestly
Pie: that will never happen [STOP BEING SO OVERCONFIDENT. YOU ARE JINXING HIM. -Future Pie]
Weetabix: the Daughtry ousting happened either Top 6 or Top 5, right?
Pie: I think Adam is way ahead... I think it's like Carrie levels. Carrie led every week of the voting for the last, like, eight weeks of the competition. I think that's where Adam is. [SHUT UP! -Future Pie]
he was apparently way, way ahead.
Weetabix: interesting! I did not watch the Carrie season
Pie: I think Daughtry was top five... and he's performing tomorrow night!!
Weetabix: oooh!
Pie: yes!
Weetabix: maybe I will have to watch that results show
[I lied; it was Taylor. Daughtry is next week. -Future Pie]

Weetabix: Ryan Raps!
Pie: Ryan Raps with Matt "Hat" Giraud
Weetabix: And I see a Dunkleman, by the way
Pie: yes!
Weetabix: a very small wee dunkleman
Pie: Matt is excited about jazz, in which he got a B.
Jamie Foxx looks bored.
Weetabix: Oh, let's find out what wisdom Jamie will impart
"Pretend like she's your Valentine"
"And pretend that the bitch is hilarious!"
Pie: hahahaha!
Weetabix: "that's real"!
Pie: Jamie Foxx does not like his runs… okay, Jamie Foxx. I respect you.
Weetabix: damn, I'm going to use that this week.
I really love this song.
More than just about any of them from the era.
Pie: Matt looks like he wants to get off the stool and kill someone with his microphone. Jesus, Matt.
Weetabix: He's a Buble-wannabe
Pie: when did he turn into a serial killer?
Weetabix: He's the Talented Mr. "Matt"
Pie: this is boring. I'm sorry. I am booooorredddd.
Weetabix: agreed, it just went all Buble
If you can't tell, I fucking loathe Michael Buble
Pie: heh. I do not mind Buble. I mind this performance of Matt's.
Weetabix: In fact, I had to stop watching Ugly Betty because they've been using a Michael Buble song as background music all season
Pie: wow, that is commitment.
Matt has a good voice but man, that had zero charisma, for me, dog.
Weetabix: yes, I gave up Mark St. James because of my hatred of Buble
yeah, I give that a meh
Pie: Randy found it pitchy. for him.
here comes Kara's interminable comments.
Weetabix: Randy's right, it's a VERY hard song to sing
For awhile, when I started doing karaoke, I only did big band stuff… and I LAMED OUT on that song, so hard core
Pie: Kara is SO RIGHT. the lack of emotional connection.
I agree with Kara. I take it back; she was useful.
Weetabix: Paula felt it, but unfortunately the rest of the audience was not on quaaludes
Pie: Simon enjoyed it. okay, Simon. maybe he's on Prozac.
hee. quaaludes was a better choice than Prozac.
Weetabix: or maybe Paula spent the entire performance massaging his nipples
Pie: Simon found it "brilliant"? um, okay.
also "LAMED OUT" is funny.
Weetabix: I have a grassy knoll theory: Simon wants him voted off and just tried to make voters think "Matt" was safe.
Pie: if Simon wants him voted off, why did he save him? I think Simon inexplicably has a hard on for him.
Weetabix: I think that they have agreed to an equal vote on the judges table, so if three against Simon, then it goes with the majority, but in the event of a tie, then Simon calls it
maybe? or does it have to be unanimous?
Pie: no, the save has to be unanimous
Weetabix: ah… I am without conjecture now
Pie: on the Grassy Knoll, they call it "Operation Make Matt Happen."
there is a lot of debate over whether they are trying to Make Matt Happen or if they've given up, or who is spearheading the effort, etc. etc.
Weetabix: oh, that's interesting
I'm a firm believer in the pushing of America's buttons. Witness: chris lights.
Pie: there is Danny Gokey and his smarmy smug face, coming up.

“Come Rain or Come Shine”

Pie: hey, Adam has the pimp spot again!
Weetabix: Oooh, "Come Rain or Come Shine"
Weetabix: I do not know
Pie: "when I got right in his grille, that's when he was the purest"
Weetabix: "The purest and the truest"
reader, I lol'ed
Pie: I hope someone is standing up in his grille as he sings this song
Weetabix: Perhaps the guy with the big 'bone
I'm sorry, I'm completely charmed by Mr. Gokey
It's the glasses, the facial hair, now the suit and the torchsong... I want to jump him
Pie: I love this song, but I do not enjoy his smug face
but I admit this is good
Weetabix: well, you won't see it when I am sitting on it
Oh, that was inappropriate
Pie: yes, we are usually so appropriate here.
Weetabix: his voice, admittedly, isn't amazing
I just like looking at him
he's like a singing Verizon guy
Pie: hee! he totally is.
now he's doucheing it up.
Weetabix: yeah, he should have laid off the douche factor. That's such a Ted Mosby move.
Pie: I don't know why they didn't give him the pimp spot, though... he's never had it, and that performance was good, I grudgingly admit.
Weetabix: Kara looks like she smelled a bad fart.
Because I'm sure that Danny has no place on the Grassy Knoll.
Pie: Kara enjoyed his "swag."
by the way, that color blue is lovely on Kara.
Weetabix: it really is
Paula looks lovely tonight too, actually. Her make up is at 11
Pie: now I am nervous for Adam, since they all creamed themselves over Danny.
Weetabix: Simon thought it was outstanding! See, maybe I'm not just charmed by his cute nerd boy glasses
Pie: I should not be nervous for Adam "Will Win" Lambert [Seriously, WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?? –Future Pie]
Weetabix: Also, he doesn't make finger numbers!
Pie: no. and he has a nice tie. that is a lovely tie.
Weetabix: commercials

"Feeling Good"
Pie: I do not know this song
Weetabix: I think I just felt a tingle in my naughty place when he did that burst of sexy sound
Pie: yeah, Jamie Foxx has nothing to say, because Adam is ten thousand times better than him.
hee. Jamie Foxx just said that exact thing!
Adam is bathed in heavenly white light!
Weetabix: he's like a sexy preacher! except the staircase is red with our sins! our sins of lust!
Pie: he can come to my revival anytime.
Weetabix: Ooooh, this is awesome
Pie: look at his pointy shoes!
PMWeetabix: he IS chuck bass
oooh, white pointyness
I kind of love his eyebrows. I think that's what it is.
I mean, beyond the amazing voice and x factor
Pie: Jesus, what a note
he needs to do an a capella song this season, for srs.
Weetabix: Wow, the camera guy was able to do a full swoop and then a 360
that note lasted forever
Pie: I think I just did a full swoop and a 360, if you know what I'm saying
Weetabix: and I think I do
Pie: it did not last as long as Diana DiGarmo's "Don't Cry Out Loud" note.
Weetabix: I don't remember that one
Pie: it's true that it was very theatrical and Broadway. and yet... Adam... is... AMAZING.
you should find the YouTube video, it's amazing
"Randy complaining about you being theatrical is like complaining that a cow moos." Hee. love you, Simon.
Simon likes that he wants to win! also, he will win. [I give up. –Future Pie]
hee! Ryan can't use the stairs anymore. hilarious.
Weetabix: Kara called him sleazy! But in a good way!
Pie: my prediction is that Allison and Matt are bottom two, and Matt goes home.
Weetabix: interesting prediction
Weetabix: I think I'm going with Kris and "Matt"
but who knows, maybe America really doesn't like Allison
shall we check Dial Idol?
Pie: yes, check it!
Weetabix: Matt and Kris
with Allison a close bottom 3
everyone's in the range of danger, however
Pie: I just popped by Shmuel's blog and he has an interesting observation
"There's been a very, very clear frontrunner for weeks, and nobody else is in his league. This one's pretty much unprecedented. (Kelly had Tamyra; Ruben had Clay; Fantasia had LaToya and Diana; Carrie had Bo; Taylor had Kat and Daughtry; Jordin had Blake; Cook had Archuleta. Adam has nobody.)"
Weetabix: I don't think Jordin was ever in danger from fucking Blake, though. I would argue that Jordin had... oh, someone else, but not Blake.
Pie: well Jordin sucked too, that season
Melinda was the best, and she was kind of dull
Weetabix: yes, and LaKisha was doomed from the start
I never felt Taylor was that much of a threat against Chris and Kat, but clearly, I was wrong
Pie: yeah, that was a weird season
Weetabix: ah well, we will have to see. I hope that this means that the road to the win is already Adam's for the taking, but we shall see.
Weetapidol Out!
Pie: I think it does. and... WEETAPIDOL OUT!