Friday, May 01, 2009

Top 5 Performances: With A Special Guest... From The Future

Weetabix: hi!
Pie: I texted you from the road, but am now here in front of my computer… Idol begins in six minutes!
Weetabix: yes! early word is that Adam and Allison were amazing!
Pie: I am not surprised! I am also rooting for Kris… I am anti-rooting for Danny and "Matt"
Weetabix: I like everyone but "Matt" at this point
although on the scale, Kris is a neighbor of "Matt"
and Danny lives on the other side of the complex
Pie: ooh, so we have a Danny Divide. a Danny Disagreement. a Danny Dispute.
Weetabix: that we do… Danny is the Jordin Sparks's earrings of this season
I'm probably biased because he's a Milwaukee boy
Pie: well we'll see how we feel about his performance
Weetabix: I'm enjoying Adams outfit
Pie: Adam is wearing a white suit… "Matt" is wearing a "hat"
Weetabix: of course, "Matt" is desperately grasping at straws
Pie: rrooo rooooo!
Weetabix: I'm also enjoying the flaming redness of Allison's hair
Pie: well "Matt" has overstayed his welcome... or in other words, the judges' save is stupid.
or at least was stupid in this case.
I am so sad they are not doing two songs each
Weetabix: I am still stymied by that save
when do they do two songs each? top four?
Pie: this is normally the week of two songs each
but no, they are too attached to their filler
and by filler, I mean Kara DioGuardi
Weetabix: what's the theme tonight?
Pie: Rat Pack songs!
Allison looks pretty... I think they all look pretty snazzy, actually.
also I am in love with Adam.
ooh, a "mystery mentor"
it's the ghost of Frank Sinatra!
hee. Kris just pointed out that everyone in the Rat Pack is dead.
um, am I crazy or is Jamie Foxx an actor?
Is this thing on?

[We resolve our technical difficulties during which I apparently talked to myself for a while.]

Weetabix: I don't think Jamie Foxx is the perfect mentor for this week
Pie: he kind of has a Rat Pack vibe, I guess... I can almost see it

KRIS ALLEN
"The Way You Look Tonight"

Weetabix: you know who Kris is? He's the ghost of DUNKLEMAN!
Pie: yes! a song that I love!
Weetabix: me too! we're back to the montages
What the hell is Jamie Foxx going to add? I'm stymied by this.
Pie: Jamie Foxx "I am not trying to sing the throat Olympics." THAT MEANS NOTHING, JAMIE FOXX.
I guess Kris is not so confident! aww.
Weetabix: aw, that's somewhat sweet
Pie: oh this is so pretty!
this is why I enjoy Kris. well this, and “Falling Slowly”
Weetabix: I wish he would have shaved for this occasion
8:12 PM Falling Slowly was lovely
Pie: this song reminds me of my wedding. aw. romance!
and now it got all fast with weird falsetto
Weetabix: This is the difference between Castro and Castrochuleta, right here. If Castro had attempted this (and he would have), it would have been soaking in douchey.
I don't like the change up
Pie: that did not work that well, Kris. but no, definitely zero douchey. Kris seems sweet.
Weetabix: and, apparently short.
I'm not sure about that last note, though
Pie: I am sure that it was not great. I loved the first half. the second half, not so much.
Weetabix: I do enjoy him in a suit, however
Would it have killed Randy to keep the friendship beads for Woodstock night?
Pie: hee. wow, Randy and his Girl Scout necklace loved it!
Kara is over.en.un.ci.at.ing. some things.
Weetabix: She's really rando. What are her qualifications again?
Pie: she is a songwriter, I believe.
Weetabix: But writing a song, or several songs, does not give you any kind of ability to judge vocal ability or star quality, am I wrong?
Pie: I think she has expertise, it just doesn't translate to most of her comments.

Pie: Paula is wearing a red napkin! which I enjoy.
Paula looks like she's been starched and stuffed in a champagne glass.
Simon thinks it was… “wet”?
Pie: of course Kris is not going to win. his name is not Adam Lambert.
Weetabix: well, duh
it will be sad when all of these people who are not Adam Lambert have to go home
Pie: right now it's like, will Kris or Allison make it into the final two?
who will lose to Adam?
Weetabix: It's seeming like the set up to your demographic theory right now
I'm thinking Allison against Adam
Pie: yeah but she keeps hitting the seal... I don't know if she's got the votes
Weetabix: has she been in the bottom yet? I never watch the results show
I just find out when someone spills it on Twitter
Pie: she's been in the bottom repeatedly
Weetabix: I should probably watch so that I'm not totally crushed when Adam hits bottom, should he ever do so
Pie: last week, she was in the bottom three
Adam will never hit bottom [Oh, how innocent I was back then. –Future Pie]
actually at this point, Adam, Danny and Kris are all completely virginal... none of them has ever been bottom three.
(insert "Adam/ bottom” joke here.) ("Adam has never been on the bottom.... on this show.")
Weetabix: I fear that he will be felled by some shocker revelation that he's gay. I am worried that the American teens who are voting (by which, I mean 12 year olds) are fantasizing about marrying Adam. And unless they're, say, a boy, that's going to leave them stymied
Pie: I really think everyone knows... it's not some huge secret
Weetabix: I hope everyone knows, but I never underestimate naivete, especially in the Midwest
I didn't know Morrissey was gay until a long time!


ALLISON IRAHETA
"Somone To Watch Over Me"

Pie: Allison's hair is a FANTASTIC color.
Weetabix: one might say that it's Coke Can Red
Pie: one might say that! Allison is very cute.
Weetabix: she is, and that seems to be a very cute dress
I'll have to see her standing, but I like it right now
oh, I love this song
Pie: me too. LOVE this song.
oh yeah, Jamie Foxx. I forgot about him
Jamie Foxx wants her to think about her family. okay, Jamie Foxx.
Weetabix: Oh please shut up Jamie Foxx
Pie: he does not understand this song, I guess.
I love this torch song arrangement and her husky voice... so great.
Weetabix: it's really perfect for her. This is one of the few times where I don't feel like she's straining her voice against the song.
and also, she looks SO cute tonight… that dress is very flattering
Pie: I think Kat McPhee did this song.. I remember really liking it when Kat did it, too.
lovely, Allison!
Weetabix: that was super lovely
Pie: Randy loved her! woo!
Weetabix: Randy compared her voice to Pink's, which was something I hadn't considered. It IS like Pink's.
Pie: yeah, it is.... I've heard that comparison before.
I love how Kara actually basically comments twice. she just can't be succinct.
Weetabix: It really makes Paula seem well-spoken.
Pie: Simon: "do you think you can win?" Allison: "I don't know, is my name ADAM LAMBERT?"
Weetabix: You could almost see her think "Well, uh, Adam..." when he asked that
Pie: yeah no kidding. "Have you... noticed Adam is on this show?"
IF Name="AdamLambert" THEN yes

MATT "MATT" GIRAUD
"My Funny Valentine"

Pie: I love all these songs, by the way
Weetabix: damn it, I was kind of enjoying good performances, and now we have stupid "Matt" and his "hat"
Pie: hee. he's not even that bad, it's just I resent the judges saving him pointlessly.
Weetabix: I just resent him for no real special reason
I resent the judges for saving him. I don't hold that against "Matt"
Pie: yeah, that's what I'm saying… he's fine, just... shouldn't really be on the show anymore. on borrowed time!
Weetabix: The judges should have saved the save for the shocking Daughtry-esque dismissal of Adam
which we're due for, quite honestly
Pie: that will never happen [STOP BEING SO OVERCONFIDENT. YOU ARE JINXING HIM. -Future Pie]
Weetabix: the Daughtry ousting happened either Top 6 or Top 5, right?
Pie: I think Adam is way ahead... I think it's like Carrie levels. Carrie led every week of the voting for the last, like, eight weeks of the competition. I think that's where Adam is. [SHUT UP! -Future Pie]
he was apparently way, way ahead.
Weetabix: interesting! I did not watch the Carrie season
Pie: I think Daughtry was top five... and he's performing tomorrow night!!
Weetabix: oooh!
Pie: yes!
Weetabix: maybe I will have to watch that results show
[I lied; it was Taylor. Daughtry is next week. -Future Pie]

Weetabix: Ryan Raps!
Pie: Ryan Raps with Matt "Hat" Giraud
Weetabix: And I see a Dunkleman, by the way
Pie: yes!
Weetabix: a very small wee dunkleman
Pie: Matt is excited about jazz, in which he got a B.
Jamie Foxx looks bored.
Weetabix: Oh, let's find out what wisdom Jamie will impart
"Pretend like she's your Valentine"
"And pretend that the bitch is hilarious!"
Pie: hahahaha!
Weetabix: "that's real"!
Pie: Jamie Foxx does not like his runs… okay, Jamie Foxx. I respect you.
Weetabix: damn, I'm going to use that this week.
I really love this song.
More than just about any of them from the era.
Pie: Matt looks like he wants to get off the stool and kill someone with his microphone. Jesus, Matt.
Weetabix: He's a Buble-wannabe
Pie: when did he turn into a serial killer?
Weetabix: He's the Talented Mr. "Matt"
Pie: this is boring. I'm sorry. I am booooorredddd.
Weetabix: agreed, it just went all Buble
If you can't tell, I fucking loathe Michael Buble
Pie: heh. I do not mind Buble. I mind this performance of Matt's.
Weetabix: In fact, I had to stop watching Ugly Betty because they've been using a Michael Buble song as background music all season
Pie: wow, that is commitment.
Matt has a good voice but man, that had zero charisma, for me, dog.
Weetabix: yes, I gave up Mark St. James because of my hatred of Buble
yeah, I give that a meh
Pie: Randy found it pitchy. for him.
here comes Kara's interminable comments.
Weetabix: Randy's right, it's a VERY hard song to sing
For awhile, when I started doing karaoke, I only did big band stuff… and I LAMED OUT on that song, so hard core
Pie: Kara is SO RIGHT. the lack of emotional connection.
I agree with Kara. I take it back; she was useful.
Weetabix: Paula felt it, but unfortunately the rest of the audience was not on quaaludes
Pie: Simon enjoyed it. okay, Simon. maybe he's on Prozac.
hee. quaaludes was a better choice than Prozac.
Weetabix: or maybe Paula spent the entire performance massaging his nipples
Pie: Simon found it "brilliant"? um, okay.
also "LAMED OUT" is funny.
Weetabix: I have a grassy knoll theory: Simon wants him voted off and just tried to make voters think "Matt" was safe.
Pie: if Simon wants him voted off, why did he save him? I think Simon inexplicably has a hard on for him.
Weetabix: I think that they have agreed to an equal vote on the judges table, so if three against Simon, then it goes with the majority, but in the event of a tie, then Simon calls it
maybe? or does it have to be unanimous?
Pie: no, the save has to be unanimous
Weetabix: ah… I am without conjecture now
Pie: on the Grassy Knoll, they call it "Operation Make Matt Happen."
there is a lot of debate over whether they are trying to Make Matt Happen or if they've given up, or who is spearheading the effort, etc. etc.
Weetabix: oh, that's interesting
I'm a firm believer in the pushing of America's buttons. Witness: chris lights.
Pie: there is Danny Gokey and his smarmy smug face, coming up.

DANNY GOKEY
“Come Rain or Come Shine”

Pie: hey, Adam has the pimp spot again!
Weetabix: Oooh, "Come Rain or Come Shine"
Pie: what the FUCK IS JAMIE FOXX TALKING ABOUT
Weetabix: I do not know
Pie: "when I got right in his grille, that's when he was the purest"
Weetabix: "The purest and the truest"
HIS BREATH WAS FRESH!!!
reader, I lol'ed
Pie: I hope someone is standing up in his grille as he sings this song
Weetabix: Perhaps the guy with the big 'bone
I'm sorry, I'm completely charmed by Mr. Gokey
It's the glasses, the facial hair, now the suit and the torchsong... I want to jump him
He is SO MY TYPE
Pie: I love this song, but I do not enjoy his smug face
but I admit this is good
Weetabix: well, you won't see it when I am sitting on it
Oh, that was inappropriate
Pie: yes, we are usually so appropriate here.
Weetabix: his voice, admittedly, isn't amazing
I just like looking at him
he's like a singing Verizon guy
Pie: hee! he totally is.
now he's doucheing it up.
Weetabix: yeah, he should have laid off the douche factor. That's such a Ted Mosby move.
Pie: I don't know why they didn't give him the pimp spot, though... he's never had it, and that performance was good, I grudgingly admit.
Weetabix: Kara looks like she smelled a bad fart.
Because I'm sure that Danny has no place on the Grassy Knoll.
Pie: Kara enjoyed his "swag."
by the way, that color blue is lovely on Kara.
Weetabix: it really is
Paula looks lovely tonight too, actually. Her make up is at 11
Pie: now I am nervous for Adam, since they all creamed themselves over Danny.
Weetabix: Simon thought it was outstanding! See, maybe I'm not just charmed by his cute nerd boy glasses
Pie: I should not be nervous for Adam "Will Win" Lambert [Seriously, WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?? –Future Pie]
Weetabix: Also, he doesn't make finger numbers!
Pie: no. and he has a nice tie. that is a lovely tie.
Weetabix: commercials

ADAM LAMBERT
"Feeling Good"
Pie: I do not know this song
Weetabix: I think I just felt a tingle in my naughty place when he did that burst of sexy sound
Pie: yeah, Jamie Foxx has nothing to say, because Adam is ten thousand times better than him.
hee. Jamie Foxx just said that exact thing!
Adam is bathed in heavenly white light!
Weetabix: he's like a sexy preacher! except the staircase is red with our sins! our sins of lust!
Pie: he can come to my revival anytime.
Weetabix: Ooooh, this is awesome
Pie: look at his pointy shoes!
PMWeetabix: he IS chuck bass
oooh, white pointyness
I kind of love his eyebrows. I think that's what it is.
I mean, beyond the amazing voice and x factor
Pie: Jesus, what a note
he needs to do an a capella song this season, for srs.
Weetabix: Wow, the camera guy was able to do a full swoop and then a 360
that note lasted forever
Pie: I think I just did a full swoop and a 360, if you know what I'm saying
Weetabix: and I think I do
Pie: it did not last as long as Diana DiGarmo's "Don't Cry Out Loud" note.
Weetabix: I don't remember that one
Pie: it's true that it was very theatrical and Broadway. and yet... Adam... is... AMAZING.
you should find the YouTube video, it's amazing
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g1jP1qor3ng
"Randy complaining about you being theatrical is like complaining that a cow moos." Hee. love you, Simon.
Simon likes that he wants to win! also, he will win. [I give up. –Future Pie]
hee! Ryan can't use the stairs anymore. hilarious.
Weetabix: Kara called him sleazy! But in a good way!
Pie: my prediction is that Allison and Matt are bottom two, and Matt goes home.
Weetabix: interesting prediction
Weetabix: I think I'm going with Kris and "Matt"
but who knows, maybe America really doesn't like Allison
shall we check Dial Idol?
Pie: yes, check it!
Weetabix: Matt and Kris
with Allison a close bottom 3
everyone's in the range of danger, however
Pie: I just popped by Shmuel's blog and he has an interesting observation
"There's been a very, very clear frontrunner for weeks, and nobody else is in his league. This one's pretty much unprecedented. (Kelly had Tamyra; Ruben had Clay; Fantasia had LaToya and Diana; Carrie had Bo; Taylor had Kat and Daughtry; Jordin had Blake; Cook had Archuleta. Adam has nobody.)"
Weetabix: I don't think Jordin was ever in danger from fucking Blake, though. I would argue that Jordin had... oh, someone else, but not Blake.
Pie: well Jordin sucked too, that season
Melinda was the best, and she was kind of dull
Weetabix: yes, and LaKisha was doomed from the start
I never felt Taylor was that much of a threat against Chris and Kat, but clearly, I was wrong
Pie: yeah, that was a weird season
Weetabix: ah well, we will have to see. I hope that this means that the road to the win is already Adam's for the taking, but we shall see.
Weetapidol Out!
Pie: I think it does. and... WEETAPIDOL OUT!

5 Comments:

Anonymous Martha said...

I actually enjoyed Taylor Hicks' performance on Wednesday night. Hate to admit it.

2:11 PM  
Blogger Kim said...

I don't buy for one second that Adam was in danger. I call stunt.

I've always liked Danny, but never felt like an actual Danny fan or anything. But, somewhere in the middle of that song, he became all hot and growly and wow.

I couldn't see Matt going home last week. Next week is Rock week and I can't see Allison screwing up, so I'm sure Allison is going home.

11:45 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

ooooooooh a jinx on Adam! Ha! Yeah even though I'm not a fan of Adam, I was shocked to see him in the bottom 2.

Now what's your beef with Michael Buble?

Shari

6:08 PM  
Blogger Shmuel said...

Yay! I'm quotable! :-)

Regarding Kara's qualifications: actually, she's legit. She's a successful songwriter and a producer. Plus she can sing. (You can skip to 1:48, when the song gets started.)

7:49 PM  
Blogger Shmuel said...

Actually, wait. Forget that one. Here's a better Kara video.

7:57 PM  

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