Season 8 Finale: SWEAOMSME!
Pie : I spoiled myself for Idol…could not take the tension!
Weet : shit
Pie : I won't give it away
Weet : I'm worried that I may have on Facebook, but don't spoil me! I made the mistake of looking at Facebook at some point, but I don't think that it had been revealed at that moment
Pie : well avoid Twitter at all costs
Weet : will do
Pie : I went to seek it out but I didn't even have to search
Weet : that's pretty sad, actually. I mean, I like living in the future, but I'd be pissed if I lived in CA or something
Pie : I could easily have avoided it
Weet : I get everything, first dose and am a little jaded because of it.
Pie : also, Ian is setting up our new flat screen gigantic HDTV. you have 17 minutes, Ian!
Weet : oooh! gigantic flat screen HDTV!
Pie : I want to see HDAM
Weet : fanciness!
Pie : hee. Hdam Lambert. I am already drinking and making puns.
Weet : I'm sorry to tell you that Adam is improved by not having HD
Pie : is it the pancake makeup? I hear he has a history of bad skin. and an eating disorder.
Weet : the pancake and the general corpse-ish nature of his skin. yes, he's got some cystic acne scars. I can't help notice that stuff. I wish I could not, but I just do. Allison had bad skin too, but she's 17, which goes with the territory
Pie : well, I would still fully make out with Adam Lambert
Weet : oh, bad skin has never stopped me from lusting after anyone. I'm just saying that he benefits from not being in HD. it smoothes out his complexion quite a bit. ok, I'm going to switch to the living room and go get some wines and also, Oreos
Pie : I may need to replenish my wine before we even begin! I am drinking Spy Valley 2007 Sauvignon Blanc and it is fantastic. we had it at a wine bar and then went hunting for it because it was $9 per glass at the wine bar.
Weet : perhaps. wow, you started early
Pie : I still have no Oreos. I have angel food cake and strawberries, though. okay! The HDam TV is still not working yet but we are getting closer
Weet : 7 minutes!
Pie : our new TV is sooooooo prettttyyyyyy
Weet : I've chosen a bottle of Alpha Omega 2007 Unoaked Chardonnay, mostly because I had multiples
Pie : oh god, that is a damn fine Chardonnay
Weet : I’m poised with excitement, and also, string cheese as I decided that the Oreos wouldn't go well with the Chard, so string cheese was in order
Pie : it is on! wow, Randy's outfit in HD.
Weet : did you have a seizure? also, I've noticed that Ryan looks extra short in HD
Pie : a small one, yes, I believe so. ADAM LAMBERRRRRR!
Weet : we're having no buffer tonight! It's bareback!
Pie : the opening credits are all... in HD. I'm sorry, the novelty of HD is coinciding with this broadcast. I am devirginizing... devirginating? my TV with Idol. also am already drunk.
Weet : how sweet, it's like you've just now entered the new millennium
Pie : what's the word? devirginizing?
Weet : deflowering?
Pie : we'll go with that. also, that's what Adam did to Kris backstage. 100 million votes! and one of them was mine, as it was the only one I could get in in three hours.
Weet : Adam paints one of his fingers every time Kris calls him "Daddy"
Pie : Randy's glasses and tie! and they are making fun of his "for me for you for me"! they make fun of that on TWoP all the time!
Weet : that was pretty awesome
Pie : I do love the glasses and bow tie and how they match. Kara, the shitty songwriter. Kara in this montage sounds like Edina Monsoon. "sweetie, darling"
Weet : I'm sorry, sweetie, but I'm really glad that I didn't watch the auditions, as I would seriously hate Kara at this point
Pie : "squish squish, sweetie, squish squish"
Weet : I really do think that Paula has someone writing her lines for her. They critique the rehearsal and then give her notes, that she can barely read.
Pie : you're not wrong. we missed Katie Holmes and Suri Cruise on the teevee last night.. they were at last night's show. ADAM LAMBERRRRRRRRRRRR! walking down the STAIRRRRRR!!!
Weet : damn, that's an A List audience and they gave Kris a broken mic!
Pie : man, they are mean to poor Kris and Adam has a broken mic too…Adam's hair is so pointy and cute!
Weet : sound problems abound... this does not bode well What is wrong with this woman in Conway, AR? She looks like a blow up doll.
Pie : who, Mikalah? she was a contestant! do you not remember her shitty singing?
Weet : no, I totally don't remember it. But there's Carly!
Pie : why does Carly have a weird.. floof on her head?
Weet : She's a San Diego native! Whom I'm absolutely positive was my waitress when I was there for the last Journalcon!
Pie : Adam's eyes sparkle so much in HD! I love you, little sparkly-eyed man.
the top 13 do "So What"
Pie : who are these people?
Weet : I don't even remember half of these people
Pie : god, it's been a long season. I don't remember them either!
Weet : Poor Scott... no one wants to stand next to him when there's a lot of flailing
Pie : and they are all dressed in gospel singer white again. Adam is so cute! he IS a rock star. so is Allison.
Weet : apparently that's a finale motife, representing the heaven of fame, perhaps
Pie : I always feel sorry for the few who don't get to go on the tour.
Weet : only the top ten, right?
Pie : like most of them get to go on the tour and perform together... but not, like... Jasmine and Jorge, or whoever those people are. Jasmine sounds like shit... Jorge doesn't know the words... and Gokey has color-coordinated his glasses.
Weet : the Also Rans are kind of acting pathetic about the camera
Pie : CAMERA! I HAVE MISSED YOU!
Weet : I kind of love that about Gokey. I love his glasses fetish.
Pie : commercials! that is cute. I am warmer towards Gokey since he is not in the finale. it makes me less stressed out about the results.
Weet : I don't understand this Coke commercial. There are slug-like creatures giving us Coca-Cola?
Pie : Ian wants to know how many inches is your TV? he is a size queen.
Weet : I worry that I would be too ungodly for Gokey. Aside from the fact that I'm a happily married woman, of course, I do enjoy the sexing and the swearing a great deal. 52 inches.
Pie : that's why we got married, we have that in common. HA HA HA HA! ours is 49, and so pretty.
Weet : Does it bother Ian that our screen is 3 inches larger? FOR HER PLEASURE?
Pie : oh, ours is 46. never mind. ours is wee.
at the next commercial I am going to get angel food cake!
Weet : it's not the size that matters, little Een. Don't feel sad.
Pie : he wants to know if yours is 1080 P. I do not know what that means.
Weet : hell yes
Pie : then yes, he feels bad. heh.
DAVID COOK, "Permanent"
Pie : I heard this song was written for his brother, who recently passed away.
Weet : interesting. I'm over David Cook. were we ever, um, under him? because he still has zero sex appeal although I did really like his kind of dorky quality, and the fact that he sang Phantom
Pie : I enjoyed him, and I like "Time of My Life" so I hope he has some more hit singles…however, the vest. Ian is rolling his eyes at David Cook, although he is sorry his brother died.
Weet : there's a new song that I've been hearing on the top 40 station (which is what I turn to when the alternative station is playing Nickleback). It's not bad (but it's not this one).
Pie : interesting, I will have to check it out.
Weet : I see that he still hasn't figured out his hair situation
Pie : no, he has not. but he paved the way for Adam. it was watching Cookie that made Adam want to be on the show!
Weet : awww.... he hugged Ryan! Ryan feels for him.
Pie : so I have a warm spot in my heart for him, for bringing me Mr. Lamberrrrr.
Weet : Really? I didn't know that! Oooh, the story behind the song, perhaps? Yes! It was about his brother.
Pie : oh, that was touching.
Weet : aw, he made me choke up! I cannot deal with it when people have earnest voice breaks. It makes me tear up every damned time.
Pie : he is "giving up" the title tonight? is he going to come out and put a tiara on the head of Adam or Kris? "here is my tiara and sash..."
Weet : Only in the Best American Idol That Ever Was
Pie : AWARDS PORTION, WTF? also known as the Filler Awards
Weet : remember that finale where they brought out the Claymate guy to sing like Clay and then Clay came out? I still think of that moment and smile sometimes.
Pie : that was completely awesome. I was just about to mention it.
this stuff is all new to me, since I did not watch any of these audition episodes.
Weet : I don't care for this awards thing. It's the part of AI that I dislike quite a bit, where they are mocking people who are clearly not thinking it's funny.
Pie : yeah, that's why I don't watch these episodes.... it's funny I guess, but I feel too bad for the earnest people. I mean that one lady KILLED HERSELF IN FRONT OF PAULA'S HOUSE.
Weet : I mean, this guy in the plaid coat is obviously mocking the process, as is Norman Gentle, whom I kind of love.
Pie : these are not stable people.
Weet : exactly
Pie : Norman Gentle should come back, because I think he has a sense of irony... that is enjoyable.
Weet : and the show is riding on that and taking advantage of people who are either mentally ill or developmentally disabled. I find that extremely irresponsible. At least they gave it to the Normal Gentle guy who is in on the joke.
Pie : I truly do love Randy's ensemble with all my heart. now Norman Gentle is going to sing! hee. see, this is cute. like the Clay guy.
Weet : this is hilarious! This was apparently the prime comedy that we missed by not watching auditions. Norman Gentle, I lift my Shoddy Treatment glass to you, good sir.
Pie : I know, I missed 99% of the Norman Gentle phenomenon... this was the guy Shmuel loved.
Weet : oooh, Queen Latifah and LIl Rounds!!!
Pie : Ian thought he just saw Steve Martin in the audience. IS THAT TRUE?!?!?!?!?!?!?
Weet : He might have! I don't know, I was typing. But Lil Rounds ensemble? Is FANTASTIC
Pie : I love Queen Latifah. Lil has some HEELS, girl.
Weet : Oooh, Queen Latifah's ensemble is EVEN BETTER
Pie : IT IS.
I love these duets, where the Idols get to sing with fucking awesome people that they love.
Weet : Damn, I need a one-sleeved corset festooned with zippers. Where do I get myself one of those?!
yes, like Elliott Yasmin singing with mofo Mary J. Blige
Pie : I love Queen Latifah. I know I just said that. But I feel the need to reiterate. QUEEN FUCKING LATIFAH. this song is not that exciting, I realize belatedly.
Weet : no, but the dazzlement that is the Queen makes up for it
Pie : I can't make out the words. "you are driving me insane, in a barbeque in the rain."
Weet : they should sing something else, but this is probably Queen's single or something "You got a heart in chain, something beautiful in the brain?"
Pie : like, Lil Rounds might as well be a backup singer with this arrangement.
"you the rain, you deranged"? commercials!
Weet : Oh, the AT&T people have totally co-opted the Langdon Pigg song that I love ("Falling In Love In a Coffee Shop") that was previously used for a DeBeers commercial. Weird.
Pie : what is this song?
Weet : is Jason Mraz going to come out? It's a Jason Mraz song…except that's not Jason Mraz, it's Alexis. oh, there's Jason Mraz, the guy I kept accusing Kris of being
Pie : where is Kris, then, if this is Jason Mraz?
Weet : they would be indistinguishable
Pie : okay, edit the header. ANOOP, ALEXIS, AND JASON MRAZ. I like this song
Weet : in fact, this might very well be Kris, wearing a hat…he reminds me of Jake's roommate Jared
Pie : Alexis's voice did not sound that great... I kept thinking her ouster was too soon, but she did not impress me just now.
Weet : No, Alexis was all flair, no substance. Ryan just acknowledged that the Kris Allen fans probably like Jason Mraz and now we have a montage
Pie : Kris Allen fans, woo! not as wild a woo as the Adam cheer will no doubt be…KRIS MONTAGE
Weet : and also, Kris wasn't as cute before the Idol stylists got to him
Pie : KRIS AND KEITH URBAN, "Kiss A Girl"…too bad it isn't Adam and Katy Perry, "I Kissed A Girl"
Weet : who... whatever. I wonder if Keith Urban is playing, maybe Nicole Kidman is in the audience
Pie : I actually think this is a really catchy little song!
Weet : it's not terrible, but a little too country for me
Pie : I enjoy the occasional country tune. I would download this, I think. I like it.
Weet : you have the most eclectic musical tastes, Mopie. Seriously, there's no predicting what you will latch onto. It's so intriguing.
Pie : it's true. I like "The River" by Garth Brooks, and "Before He Cheats" by La Underwood, and Dolly Parton singing anything, and "Who I Am" by some lady.
Weet : well, Dolly Parton is Dolly Fucking Parton. No explanation needed.
Pie : still, no matter how country she gets, I am on board.
Weet : I like a few Garth Brooks songs. I enjoy "Friends in Low Places"
Pie : I like that in a karaoke bar when I am extremely drunk.
Weet : I do like her more with the dark hair, actually.
Pie : she has a weird Botox looking face, though.
she's a butter face, for me, for you, dawg.
Weet : wow, we get full blown BEPs! Oh Megan Joy get the fuck off of my television
Pie : and Megan Joy being annoying! I hear she and Anoop are a couple. that is a rumor.
Weet : Seriously? Anoop could do better. whoa, my AI just blew out. I think there was a censoring.
Pie : I would like to see Adam Lambert now. BRING ME LAMBERT.
Weet : "CUE THE LAMBERRRR" I'm going to take advantage of this boring performance to get my dog some fresh water
Pie : this song does not charm me and there is no Lambert. so whatevs.
Weet : not even the Cirque du Soleil dancers could save that
Pie : "also we have a new album... please buy it!" Randy Redenbacher is into it, anyway,.
Weet : Randy looks like Orville Redenbacher
Pie : more DUMB AWARDS
Weet : ha! jinx!
Pie : also, jinx! here is where Kara pathetically starts singing. Kara can sing, but it's still sad when she gets defensive.
Weet : and it's sad when Paula has to teach you to have some self-respect
10:54 PM Pie : and yet the guys were all drooling over here like GIRL IN BIKINI YES. I was completely on team Kara/Paula. and this girl just makes me sad. this blonde in polka dots. of course bikini girl is going to come back.
Weet : this is one of those situations where I feel bad for people! She's clearly deluded. Oh god, they're bringing out the bikini girl of course. duh.
Pie : of course. there she is. in her bikini. Randy has an erection. nice. and she's got a spray tan and fake tits. this is just demeaning.
Weet : totally, although I enjoyed Ryan's little dig
Pie : also, it is not Adam Lambert. it is in fact the opposite of Adam Lambert. oh god, she cannot sing.
Weet : this is so bad
Pie : but I don't mind if she embarrasses herself because she deserves it and will probably have a sitcom called Shot At Love soon.
Weet : oh, that's sweet! HA!
Pie : and there is Kara! WHO CAN ACTUALLY SING, THANK YOU.
Weet : Kara has just totally redeemed herself for me for ALL SEASON
Pie : I'm glad they didn't Make Kara wear a bikini.
me too.
KARA! I love you all of a sudden!!!!!!
and they turned down bikini girl's mic! ha! oh god
Weet : aw, I totally do too! I hope she keeps her job!
Pie : they did put Kara in a bikini! GROSS.
although she has a hot body.
Weet : wait, she DOES have a bikini! I need a shower
Pie : but that is gross.
Weet : oh, apparently it was for charity … but still. Christ.
Pie : STILL. that was just a blow to feminism. I feel like feminism just died a tiny bit.
Weet : Again, I need a shower.
Pie : Gloria Steinem just rolled over in her grave, and she's not even dead.
Weet : it can be argued that Gloria Steinem was proud of her own body and showed it off, but yes, you're right
Pie : OH MY GOD SO COOL ALLISON AND CYNDI LAUPER!!! Time After Time!!!!!!!! this is so cool
Weet : whoa, Cyndi Lauper, who rocks my fucking world, is playing a goddamned DULCIMER. I love Cyndi Lauper so fucking much. You have no idea.
Pie : and looking awesome. Christ, this is cool.
again, HOW COOL FOR ALLISON?
Weet : this makes up for the Black Eyed Peas and the bikini debacle. also, Allison looks super cute in the vintage prom dress thingy
Pie : I bet it's too much to hope that these duets will be on iTunes
Weet : One would hope, anyway. I would totally buy this.
Pie : Allison seems so comfortable... this is so great. that was straight from Ruley McRulerson of Ruleonia.
Weet : wow, Adam's mom is wearing some kind of cruise ensemble!
Pie : there are Kris's cute parents
Weet : is that Kris' parents?
Pie : Kris's mom, you mean. and yes, that is straight from the Lido deck.
Weet : oh, my bad. aw, I just had a flashback to your booze cruise…that was so awesome
Pie : now they are moving to the Lamberts!
Weet : They split the Lamberrr parents away from the Kris Allen parents! Like maybe they'd rumble during the commercial breaks or something
My boyfriend Danny is singing now!
Pie : and yes. I am trying to talk Ian into going on a cruise this winter through Italy and Greece.
Weet : OH MY GOD, IT's HELLO!!!
Pie : DANNY GOKEY, HELLO, WHICH IS AN AWESOME SONG
Weet : Get out of my wet dreams, Gokey.
Pie : do not fuck this up, Danny
(Ian: "Do you know who he is singing this to?" Weet : "his dead wife." Ian: "always.")
Weet : He's doing a weird denture thing with his mouth
Also, he's wearing a wallet chain
Pie : Danny sounds good. he is not fucking it up. I am okay.
please let Lionel Ritchie come out now.
Weet : it's like a FUCKING SHOUTOUT to Weetabix
Oh, that would be perfection
Pie : with a sculpture in the shape of Danny Gokey's head.
Weet : here it comes.... maybe? FUCK YES
Pie : YEEEEEAHHHH!!!! Carrie Underwood looked put out at having to stand up for Lionel Ritchie. "I am entertainer of the year. I should not be required to rise from my seat."
Weet : I do not know this song, but I don't care. Carrie Underwood wears bitchface like it's couture
Pie : I am happy for you. this is cool. even if I think the wallet chain looks douchey on Gokey. also, LOL. I am in fact still LOL'ing.
Weet : The wallet chain does not deflect the fact that Gokey is wearing a Member's Only jacket
Pie : and enjoying the stars in the background as they sing "One More Night" (I think)
Weet : by the way, has Lionel Ritchie had extensive plastic surgery? He's kind of got Jocelyn Wilderstern cheeks
Pie : hee. Gokey looks so dumb and happy.
Weet : that's how I like my men.
dumb and happy
Pie : oh, this is "All Night Long"
Weet : and wearing a Wallet Chain and Weezer Glasses, please.
Pie : I love Lionel Ritchie. yes yes, you can have Gokey. I bequeath him to you. there is Ruben!
Weet : thank you. I will keep him next to my bed and feed him gummy bears.
Pie : hee! comericals! more wine! or maybe I don't need more wine, given how I just spelled "commercials"
Weet : they are American Commercials? Comericals?
Pie : yes. we owe it all to wine. I have learned something recently: drink the expensive wine. life is short. I am going to implement this new life philosophy, and I have started with the Spy Valley Sav Blanc tonight.
Weet : that's a good slogan. If I don't have heartburn now that I've finished the unoaked Chard, I'm moving onto the Alpha Omega Late Harvest something or other
Pie : mmmmm
Weet : which is, like, crazy expensive for just a little bit of wine
Pie : I love their dessert wine
way bigger scream for Adam!
Weet : me too. I've drunk all of it except for the one really expensive bottle. That is currently calling me. Adam auditioned in San Francisco!!! Why weren't you there!?!?!
Pie : I should have been there... it would have been way easier to nibble his ears back then.
Weet : yes, now there will be an ear nibbling line. You'll have to deal with velvet ropes and shit.
oooh, Kiss
he's singing Beth!
Pie : why is Adam wearing a cage?
Weet : I love this song. It's the only Kiss song that I really like.
Pie : this is a gorgeous song.
but why is Adam wearing a cage? but his voice is so pretty. and he is so pretty.
Weet : Oh I hadn't even looked at what he was wearing. I was typing. He's all Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome. Maybe that means Gene simmons is coming out?
Full blown KISS? Is it too much to hope for?
Pie : he's gotta be coming out
bring on Ace Frehly!
bring on Peter Criss!
YEEEEESSSSSS
Weet : he's got sequins around his eyes. Do you see that in HD?
YES! KISS ME ADAM!
Pie : I did see the sequins!
this. is. awesome.
Weet : Ok, I'm going to have to make one of those revelations that make you despair for me and lose a little respect. I would totally do Gene Simmons. Even though he's old now, and kind of a tool, according to last season's Celebrity Apprentice.
Pie : yeah, you are completely correct about my reaction.
Weet : but! but! But! the tongue
Pie : no.
Weet : the TONGUE
Pie : NO.
Weet : I'm transfixed. Intrigued, even.
I can't help myself.
Pie : Adam looks awesome in the platform shoes! and Adam has a tongue too.
Weet : Adam's tongue is not freakishly long and also, Adam does not apply his tongue to women.
Pie : Adam is a ROCK STAR.
Weet : GENE SIMMONS
that's the definition of Rock Star, in Websters I believe
Pie : ADAM LAMBERRRR. that fucking ruled.
Weet : He's totally holding his own against KISS, though. He's even wearing the shoes
it's pretty awesome
Pie : and that also ruled. it is continuing to rule.
Weet : even with my freakish Gene Simmons attraction clouding my vision
Adam was like "How high are Simmon's platforms going to be? I want an inch HIGHER."
Pie : I loved that. please let that be on iTunes.
Weet : I'm sure that it will be, along with Cookie's charity performance
Pie : oh, you're funny.
commerrrrrrricals.
Weet : Ooooooh! Harry Potter commercial!
I'm a little scared.
That commercial was slightly freaky.
11:25 PM Pie : this Walmart commercial that was just on? I don't know if you saw it. Ian calls it "the white people commercial."
Weet : that's what I'm viewing. With the girl in the tragic yellow striped button down and weirdly flouncy jean skirt. Also, did I mention? I forgot to record Glee. and now this commercial is mocking me for not having recorded it. ooh, you can watch the episode on Fox.com! thank you for answering my prayers, Fox! Now please show me Danny Gokey's penis. Thank you.
Pie : oh dear god…. now!......SANTANA
Weet : CARLOS SANTANA! who is apparently going to be playing in Vegas for the next two years.
Pie : well that seems like a good way to make some cash
Weet : he's played a wedding before. At least one.
My friend Joel went to a wedding in SF, actually, and Santana was the reception band.
11:28 PM one of those Dot Com millionaire types.
Pie : and there is "Matt"
Weet : oh, that's right. I had forgotten about him and his Timberfake.
Pie : I would say I hate those dot com millionaires, but I know one, and he is great. so I do not hate them. ADAM LAMBERR IS BACK!
Weet : Oh Kris, you've never looked so white as when you try to dance
I mean, you know it's bad when Danny Gokey out-souls you
Pie : this is a great song for a medley
there are Adam and Allison! cute.
Weet : they mad Megan Joy be the Scott-wrangler for this song
I wonder if they cut out her mic for most of the medleys
Pie : who is that chubby dude next to Adam? I seriously have no idea who that is.
Weet : Heather Locklear in the audience!
I think that was Michael from Texas or whatever
Pie : who?
heh
Weet : also, Camryn Manheim was in the audience!
along with Mandisa!
Pie : he is one of the white guys... too many of them. so confusing.
wow, FORD VIDEO
Weet : maybe they're dating now! Ha! jinx
Pie : hee. Camryn is at many of the shows, I understand. she's a huge fan. what jinx?
Weet : no, not a jinx. I jinxed my own self. too much wine.
Pie : oh dear
Weet : I will not be opening my expensive dessert wine, since I clearly have no concept of anything anymore… aw, they get a car! Fusions!
Pie : OMG they won cars! go, Kris and Adam!
Weet : Adam's "Quite the vehicle" was so cheesy
Pie : this is embarrassing. "thank you Ford. this is beautiful. what a car."
Weet : It WAS Steve Martin!!!
Pie : STEVE MARTIN!!!!
Weet : with Megan FUCKING JOY!
Pie : with Megan and Michael? THEY DO NOT DESERVE HIM.
Weet : Maybe Steve Martin wants to fuck her.
Pie : Megan looks stunning though
Weet : I hear he's quite the dog.
Pie : oh really? he is married to a New Yorker editor
Weet : at the moment, perhaps
Pie : Ian re: Megan: "does she have a fake arm?"
Weet : ha! I just literally LOL'd!
Pie : hee.
Weet : If I didn't know better I'd think that she were a ventriloquist dummy for Steve Martin
Pie : I literally LOLd earlier when I said LOL. I do not use LOL anything other than literally.
Weet : he's not moving his lips!
Pie : hee!
Steve Martin has an album of banjo music.
Weet : I actually never use LOL except on weetapidol. I use "hee"
Pie : I liked that song.
Weet : Seriously? I had no idea.
Pie : it's true!
Weet : Steve Martin is so multi-faceted!
that's just crazy
Pie : I love him.
Weet : I do too. I've actually been in love with him since I was seven. True story.
Pie : I love him a lot, but my from-the-age-of-seven love was John Ritter. so I cannot compete.
Weet : Now, either I'm drunk, or there's some kind of hamster-based action movie trailer on.
Pie : no, it is. they might be guinea pigs though.
Weet : I'm glad to hear that I'm not actually hallucinating.
Pie : no. I kind of wish we were, but no.
Weet : it's like a trailer as conceived by The Onion
Tracey Morgan isn't making enough money on 30 Rock, apparently, that now it seems like a good idea to voice a hamster.
Oh my god, "do you think I'm sexy"?!
Pie : is that what this is?
Weet : oh, no, "If you think I'm sexy"
does that mean Rod Stewart is going to haul his decrepit body onto the stage?
does he have an album that he's pimping right now?
Pie : ugh
Text from Annie: "how does the blind guy dance?"
mmm.. not with his eyes?
Weet : I loathe Rod Stewart. I don't mind the old stuff, like this, but man, anything past 1984 is just gutwrenching"
damn, I was sadly right
Pie : Rod Stewart and Randy probably have the same backet
Weet : here he comes, in a suit coat selected by Randy Jackson
ha!
Pie : jacket
Weet : jinx!
it wasn't just the wine!
Pie : OMG JINX AGAIN!
is this almost over? christ. rod stewart?
Weet : I'm surfing craigslist for undervalued mid-century antiques
Pie : I don't understand that sentence, but I just went to get more angel food cake.
there is Bo Bice in the audience, singing along.
Weet : which sentence? That I'm surfing Craiglist for mid-century stuff?
Pie : yes
Weet : Poor Bo Bice. He's become irrelevant in four short years.
this is SOOOO LONG
of course, he has a new album
and then, more filler with the Golden Idol thing
Pie : ugh
STUPID AWARD
this just hurts me on the inside.
these poor people.
Weet : every time they do this, it sucks all the joy of the finale, the Cyndi Lauper stuff, the Steve Martin stuff, it undoes all of that
Pie : Tatiana, I've heard of her... I am sure she will be the "winner"
yes, exactly. this could be so positive and awesome without this.
Weet : you called it, it's Tatiana
Pie : again, it seems like she's in on the joke, doing this bit
Weet : I'm sure that she is, but it's still painful
Pie : yeah. I like to pretend this entire aspect of the show does not exist. because Adam Lambert is a force for good and happiness.
Weet : I will pretend
Pie : I like to believe he is the point of the show.
Weet : is it just me or does this finale seem, like, four million hours long?
all of this stupid filler?
like, I'd rather hear Adam and Kris (yes KRIS) sing another song than have these stupid award things
Pie : yeah, it's definitely four million hours long.
Ian is asleep, in fact, I think.
Weet : Ian is smart.
Pie : wait, there are Adam and Kris! are they going to sing!?!?
Weet : Oooh, they're singing Queen!
Pie : YES. WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS!
Weet : I LOVE QUEEN!
Pie : I am happy!!!!!
Weet : So very much! As has been well documented on Weetapidol
I am officially so tipsy that I'm making effusive typos at this point.
"tipsy" was "typsy"
Pie : THIS IS VERY SWEAOMSME.
um.
more dry ice!
Weet : I no longer feel the need to apologize for "typsy"
there is a lot of things happening. On the stage.
Pie : yeah, "sweamosme" kind of wins.
Weet : Also, I think that's Queen. Actual Queen.
Pie : yeah I think you are right.
ADAM!!!!!
Weet : oh look, there it is on the drum.
Pie : ADAM LAMBERRRRRR IS AWESOME AND THIS IS AWESOME OKAY.
and there was just a little Kradam moment.
Weet : You know what would be cool now? Is if a rising platform lifted Adam out of the dry ice smoke, straight into the heavens!
Pie : hee!!!!
like in Cats!
also, I LOL'd.
Weet : Kara and Paula are having a moment
yes, like in Cats!
and then a trapdoor opened on the stage (like in Phantom) and sucked Kris in
Pie : fuck, I am having a moment!!!
Weet : whoosh!
there are a lot of sparklies
it's like we're in Vegas right now!
and then a fucking commercial
also, Ford? What the fuck kind of slogan is "Drive one."
Pie : Ian wants to see Queen because he slept through it
he claims it is my fault he slept through it, and I should rewind
Weet : It's like Coca-Cola: Drink it. Citicard Visa: Get one.
Pie : hee!
you should work in advertising.
Weet : I totes should
Weetapidol: Read us.
Pie : hee!
Weet : ok, I do kind of want to see Funny People, but mostly because I've got a weakness for Seth Rogen
even though he lost weight to play the Green Lantern.
Again with my types.
Pie : yeah
Weet : Do you think Tom Collichio dies for having to shill Diet Coke?
Pie : heh. he probably dries his tears with fifty dollar bills.
RESULTS, finally
Weet : FINALLY
Pie : Simon is saying nice things that I think are very deserved
Weet : who cares what Simon thinks? his opinion is irrelevant at this point!
America has decided!
Oooh, he's British, so naturally we should trust him.
Pie : OMG what will happen!
hee. I am spoiled so I already know.
Weet : Like you aren't totally spoiled by fucking Twitter
If Kris wins...
fuck
Pie : KRIS WINS!
and they hug
MAKE OUT! MAKE OUt!
Weet : I was about to say, "If Kris wins, I will completely lose my respect for the charade that is American Idol"
seriously. KRIS FUCKING ALLEN?
CHAGRIN!
Anger!
Hating America!
Pie : yeah, I do like Kris a lot, but I think this is going to ultimately make America look stupid
Kris: "Adam deserves this." Aw, Kris.
Weet : Kris says that Adam deserved it!
Pie : bromance!
Weet : Kris is being sweet. Aw, Kris. You won because America isn't ready for weirdness.
And also, Danny's voters went Kris rather than Adam.
poor Adam. He deserved the win.
man.
that sucks.
Pie : Ian made me rewind to look at Simon's face. Simon = not happy.
at least Adam isn't forced to sing this awful song again.
Weet : I'll bet that if you looked at iTunes sales, Adam kicks Kris' ass.
that's true.
Aw, he's being consoled by Allison.
Pie : I think both of these guys will be mega successess.
Weet : I think that about at least one of them~
that should have been an exclamation point!
Pie : okay, Kris will be a middling success... but Adam is a superstar already.
Weet : so much for the demographic theory. Two white guys in a row!
Pie : I will buy 87 copies of his album. and maybe he will have more creative freedom than Kris.
Weet : 87? Why not 88?
Pie : here are Alan's thoughts: http://www.nj.com/entertainment/tv/index.ssf/2009/05/kris_allen_wins_american_idol.html
Weet : Actually, I'm sure that he will. That's a definite plus.
Pie : okay Kris and Adam, MAKE OUT! I saw an Entertainment Tonight video with Adam randomly kissing Kris on the forehead. It was incredibly cute.
Weet : oooh! and a million Kradam fanfics were launched. Interesting commentary from Alan
Pie : yeah, worth checking out. well, I hope it wasn't a homophobia thing.. I'm inclined to think it was more a backlash because Adam was so overpimped
Weet : perhaps. Like "Oh, you want us to vote for Adam? Well, we won't be bullied, AI!"
Pie : and Kris made a good underdog
Weet : and also, tween America thinks Kris is cuuuuute
Pie : I have rewound and am watching Queen again. Queen is one of Ian's favorite bands so he is identifying all the original members, etc.
now that he is awake.
Weet : I know that the religious right really were offended by Adam. I actually got into it on Twitter with someone who called Adam a freak.
Pie : good for you!
this is so great, even the second time. what a great idea for a Kradam duet.
Weet : well, it was bullshit. This guy fronts like he's all into tolerance and whatnot, but he's a big fundie Republican and incidentally, didn't respond to my calling him out for his "Co-Exist" bumper sticker.
Pie : anyway, final thoughts: I love Adam Lambert, and he will be awesome and take over the world. but I am happy for Kris.
Weet : I am not happy for Kris, because he will always feel like he got Adam's title and will Ruben and Taylor his way into mediocrity, but Adam will perservere, I hope. It's been a very provocative season. I'm kind of amazed that it managed to be provocative until the end. Well played, American Idol, well played. and with that, I must go to bed
Pie : and congrats to Wendi, who I believe just won our pool!
Weet : Weetpidol out! Indeed! Wendi wins!
Pie : Thanks for joining us for season eight, everyone!
WEETAPIDITUL! OUT!
Weet : Congratulations to everyone! Final pool totals to be posted tomorrow!
Pie : you say that as if this is going up tonight. I am going to bed too.
Weet : what the hell is Weetapiditul?
ok, good night Mopie and Ian!
Pie : whatever we are right now is Weetapiditul.
Weet : Weetapiditul outitul.
Weet : shit
Pie : I won't give it away
Weet : I'm worried that I may have on Facebook, but don't spoil me! I made the mistake of looking at Facebook at some point, but I don't think that it had been revealed at that moment
Pie : well avoid Twitter at all costs
Weet : will do
Pie : I went to seek it out but I didn't even have to search
Weet : that's pretty sad, actually. I mean, I like living in the future, but I'd be pissed if I lived in CA or something
Pie : I could easily have avoided it
Weet : I get everything, first dose and am a little jaded because of it.
Pie : also, Ian is setting up our new flat screen gigantic HDTV. you have 17 minutes, Ian!
Weet : oooh! gigantic flat screen HDTV!
Pie : I want to see HDAM
Weet : fanciness!
Pie : hee. Hdam Lambert. I am already drinking and making puns.
Weet : I'm sorry to tell you that Adam is improved by not having HD
Pie : is it the pancake makeup? I hear he has a history of bad skin. and an eating disorder.
Weet : the pancake and the general corpse-ish nature of his skin. yes, he's got some cystic acne scars. I can't help notice that stuff. I wish I could not, but I just do. Allison had bad skin too, but she's 17, which goes with the territory
Pie : well, I would still fully make out with Adam Lambert
Weet : oh, bad skin has never stopped me from lusting after anyone. I'm just saying that he benefits from not being in HD. it smoothes out his complexion quite a bit. ok, I'm going to switch to the living room and go get some wines and also, Oreos
Pie : I may need to replenish my wine before we even begin! I am drinking Spy Valley 2007 Sauvignon Blanc and it is fantastic. we had it at a wine bar and then went hunting for it because it was $9 per glass at the wine bar.
Weet : perhaps. wow, you started early
Pie : I still have no Oreos. I have angel food cake and strawberries, though. okay! The HDam TV is still not working yet but we are getting closer
Weet : 7 minutes!
Pie : our new TV is sooooooo prettttyyyyyy
Weet : I've chosen a bottle of Alpha Omega 2007 Unoaked Chardonnay, mostly because I had multiples
Pie : oh god, that is a damn fine Chardonnay
Weet : I’m poised with excitement, and also, string cheese as I decided that the Oreos wouldn't go well with the Chard, so string cheese was in order
Pie : it is on! wow, Randy's outfit in HD.
Weet : did you have a seizure? also, I've noticed that Ryan looks extra short in HD
Pie : a small one, yes, I believe so. ADAM LAMBERRRRRR!
Weet : we're having no buffer tonight! It's bareback!
Pie : the opening credits are all... in HD. I'm sorry, the novelty of HD is coinciding with this broadcast. I am devirginizing... devirginating? my TV with Idol. also am already drunk.
Weet : how sweet, it's like you've just now entered the new millennium
Pie : what's the word? devirginizing?
Weet : deflowering?
Pie : we'll go with that. also, that's what Adam did to Kris backstage. 100 million votes! and one of them was mine, as it was the only one I could get in in three hours.
Weet : Adam paints one of his fingers every time Kris calls him "Daddy"
Pie : Randy's glasses and tie! and they are making fun of his "for me for you for me"! they make fun of that on TWoP all the time!
Weet : that was pretty awesome
Pie : I do love the glasses and bow tie and how they match. Kara, the shitty songwriter. Kara in this montage sounds like Edina Monsoon. "sweetie, darling"
Weet : I'm sorry, sweetie, but I'm really glad that I didn't watch the auditions, as I would seriously hate Kara at this point
Pie : "squish squish, sweetie, squish squish"
Weet : I really do think that Paula has someone writing her lines for her. They critique the rehearsal and then give her notes, that she can barely read.
Pie : you're not wrong. we missed Katie Holmes and Suri Cruise on the teevee last night.. they were at last night's show. ADAM LAMBERRRRRRRRRRRR! walking down the STAIRRRRRR!!!
Weet : damn, that's an A List audience and they gave Kris a broken mic!
Pie : man, they are mean to poor Kris and Adam has a broken mic too…Adam's hair is so pointy and cute!
Weet : sound problems abound... this does not bode well What is wrong with this woman in Conway, AR? She looks like a blow up doll.
Pie : who, Mikalah? she was a contestant! do you not remember her shitty singing?
Weet : no, I totally don't remember it. But there's Carly!
Pie : why does Carly have a weird.. floof on her head?
Weet : She's a San Diego native! Whom I'm absolutely positive was my waitress when I was there for the last Journalcon!
Pie : Adam's eyes sparkle so much in HD! I love you, little sparkly-eyed man.
the top 13 do "So What"
Pie : who are these people?
Weet : I don't even remember half of these people
Pie : god, it's been a long season. I don't remember them either!
Weet : Poor Scott... no one wants to stand next to him when there's a lot of flailing
Pie : and they are all dressed in gospel singer white again. Adam is so cute! he IS a rock star. so is Allison.
Weet : apparently that's a finale motife, representing the heaven of fame, perhaps
Pie : I always feel sorry for the few who don't get to go on the tour.
Weet : only the top ten, right?
Pie : like most of them get to go on the tour and perform together... but not, like... Jasmine and Jorge, or whoever those people are. Jasmine sounds like shit... Jorge doesn't know the words... and Gokey has color-coordinated his glasses.
Weet : the Also Rans are kind of acting pathetic about the camera
Pie : CAMERA! I HAVE MISSED YOU!
Weet : I kind of love that about Gokey. I love his glasses fetish.
Pie : commercials! that is cute. I am warmer towards Gokey since he is not in the finale. it makes me less stressed out about the results.
Weet : I don't understand this Coke commercial. There are slug-like creatures giving us Coca-Cola?
Pie : Ian wants to know how many inches is your TV? he is a size queen.
Weet : I worry that I would be too ungodly for Gokey. Aside from the fact that I'm a happily married woman, of course, I do enjoy the sexing and the swearing a great deal. 52 inches.
Pie : that's why we got married, we have that in common. HA HA HA HA! ours is 49, and so pretty.
Weet : Does it bother Ian that our screen is 3 inches larger? FOR HER PLEASURE?
Pie : oh, ours is 46. never mind. ours is wee.
at the next commercial I am going to get angel food cake!
Weet : it's not the size that matters, little Een. Don't feel sad.
Pie : he wants to know if yours is 1080 P. I do not know what that means.
Weet : hell yes
Pie : then yes, he feels bad. heh.
DAVID COOK, "Permanent"
Pie : I heard this song was written for his brother, who recently passed away.
Weet : interesting. I'm over David Cook. were we ever, um, under him? because he still has zero sex appeal although I did really like his kind of dorky quality, and the fact that he sang Phantom
Pie : I enjoyed him, and I like "Time of My Life" so I hope he has some more hit singles…however, the vest. Ian is rolling his eyes at David Cook, although he is sorry his brother died.
Weet : there's a new song that I've been hearing on the top 40 station (which is what I turn to when the alternative station is playing Nickleback). It's not bad (but it's not this one).
Pie : interesting, I will have to check it out.
Weet : I see that he still hasn't figured out his hair situation
Pie : no, he has not. but he paved the way for Adam. it was watching Cookie that made Adam want to be on the show!
Weet : awww.... he hugged Ryan! Ryan feels for him.
Pie : so I have a warm spot in my heart for him, for bringing me Mr. Lamberrrrr.
Weet : Really? I didn't know that! Oooh, the story behind the song, perhaps? Yes! It was about his brother.
Pie : oh, that was touching.
Weet : aw, he made me choke up! I cannot deal with it when people have earnest voice breaks. It makes me tear up every damned time.
Pie : he is "giving up" the title tonight? is he going to come out and put a tiara on the head of Adam or Kris? "here is my tiara and sash..."
Weet : Only in the Best American Idol That Ever Was
Pie : AWARDS PORTION, WTF? also known as the Filler Awards
Weet : remember that finale where they brought out the Claymate guy to sing like Clay and then Clay came out? I still think of that moment and smile sometimes.
Pie : that was completely awesome. I was just about to mention it.
this stuff is all new to me, since I did not watch any of these audition episodes.
Weet : I don't care for this awards thing. It's the part of AI that I dislike quite a bit, where they are mocking people who are clearly not thinking it's funny.
Pie : yeah, that's why I don't watch these episodes.... it's funny I guess, but I feel too bad for the earnest people. I mean that one lady KILLED HERSELF IN FRONT OF PAULA'S HOUSE.
Weet : I mean, this guy in the plaid coat is obviously mocking the process, as is Norman Gentle, whom I kind of love.
Pie : these are not stable people.
Weet : exactly
Pie : Norman Gentle should come back, because I think he has a sense of irony... that is enjoyable.
Weet : and the show is riding on that and taking advantage of people who are either mentally ill or developmentally disabled. I find that extremely irresponsible. At least they gave it to the Normal Gentle guy who is in on the joke.
Pie : I truly do love Randy's ensemble with all my heart. now Norman Gentle is going to sing! hee. see, this is cute. like the Clay guy.
Weet : this is hilarious! This was apparently the prime comedy that we missed by not watching auditions. Norman Gentle, I lift my Shoddy Treatment glass to you, good sir.
Pie : I know, I missed 99% of the Norman Gentle phenomenon... this was the guy Shmuel loved.
Weet : oooh, Queen Latifah and LIl Rounds!!!
Pie : Ian thought he just saw Steve Martin in the audience. IS THAT TRUE?!?!?!?!?!?!?
Weet : He might have! I don't know, I was typing. But Lil Rounds ensemble? Is FANTASTIC
Pie : I love Queen Latifah. Lil has some HEELS, girl.
Weet : Oooh, Queen Latifah's ensemble is EVEN BETTER
Pie : IT IS.
I love these duets, where the Idols get to sing with fucking awesome people that they love.
Weet : Damn, I need a one-sleeved corset festooned with zippers. Where do I get myself one of those?!
yes, like Elliott Yasmin singing with mofo Mary J. Blige
Pie : I love Queen Latifah. I know I just said that. But I feel the need to reiterate. QUEEN FUCKING LATIFAH. this song is not that exciting, I realize belatedly.
Weet : no, but the dazzlement that is the Queen makes up for it
Pie : I can't make out the words. "you are driving me insane, in a barbeque in the rain."
Weet : they should sing something else, but this is probably Queen's single or something "You got a heart in chain, something beautiful in the brain?"
Pie : like, Lil Rounds might as well be a backup singer with this arrangement.
"you the rain, you deranged"? commercials!
Weet : Oh, the AT&T people have totally co-opted the Langdon Pigg song that I love ("Falling In Love In a Coffee Shop") that was previously used for a DeBeers commercial. Weird.
Pie : what is this song?
Weet : is Jason Mraz going to come out? It's a Jason Mraz song…except that's not Jason Mraz, it's Alexis. oh, there's Jason Mraz, the guy I kept accusing Kris of being
Pie : where is Kris, then, if this is Jason Mraz?
Weet : they would be indistinguishable
Pie : okay, edit the header. ANOOP, ALEXIS, AND JASON MRAZ. I like this song
Weet : in fact, this might very well be Kris, wearing a hat…he reminds me of Jake's roommate Jared
Pie : Alexis's voice did not sound that great... I kept thinking her ouster was too soon, but she did not impress me just now.
Weet : No, Alexis was all flair, no substance. Ryan just acknowledged that the Kris Allen fans probably like Jason Mraz and now we have a montage
Pie : Kris Allen fans, woo! not as wild a woo as the Adam cheer will no doubt be…KRIS MONTAGE
Weet : and also, Kris wasn't as cute before the Idol stylists got to him
Pie : KRIS AND KEITH URBAN, "Kiss A Girl"…too bad it isn't Adam and Katy Perry, "I Kissed A Girl"
Weet : who... whatever. I wonder if Keith Urban is playing, maybe Nicole Kidman is in the audience
Pie : I actually think this is a really catchy little song!
Weet : it's not terrible, but a little too country for me
Pie : I enjoy the occasional country tune. I would download this, I think. I like it.
Weet : you have the most eclectic musical tastes, Mopie. Seriously, there's no predicting what you will latch onto. It's so intriguing.
Pie : it's true. I like "The River" by Garth Brooks, and "Before He Cheats" by La Underwood, and Dolly Parton singing anything, and "Who I Am" by some lady.
Weet : well, Dolly Parton is Dolly Fucking Parton. No explanation needed.
Pie : still, no matter how country she gets, I am on board.
Weet : I like a few Garth Brooks songs. I enjoy "Friends in Low Places"
Pie : I like that in a karaoke bar when I am extremely drunk.
Weet : I do like her more with the dark hair, actually.
Pie : she has a weird Botox looking face, though.
she's a butter face, for me, for you, dawg.
Weet : wow, we get full blown BEPs! Oh Megan Joy get the fuck off of my television
Pie : and Megan Joy being annoying! I hear she and Anoop are a couple. that is a rumor.
Weet : Seriously? Anoop could do better. whoa, my AI just blew out. I think there was a censoring.
Pie : I would like to see Adam Lambert now. BRING ME LAMBERT.
Weet : "CUE THE LAMBERRRR" I'm going to take advantage of this boring performance to get my dog some fresh water
Pie : this song does not charm me and there is no Lambert. so whatevs.
Weet : not even the Cirque du Soleil dancers could save that
Pie : "also we have a new album... please buy it!" Randy Redenbacher is into it, anyway,.
Weet : Randy looks like Orville Redenbacher
Pie : more DUMB AWARDS
Weet : ha! jinx!
Pie : also, jinx! here is where Kara pathetically starts singing. Kara can sing, but it's still sad when she gets defensive.
Weet : and it's sad when Paula has to teach you to have some self-respect
10:54 PM Pie : and yet the guys were all drooling over here like GIRL IN BIKINI YES. I was completely on team Kara/Paula. and this girl just makes me sad. this blonde in polka dots. of course bikini girl is going to come back.
Weet : this is one of those situations where I feel bad for people! She's clearly deluded. Oh god, they're bringing out the bikini girl of course. duh.
Pie : of course. there she is. in her bikini. Randy has an erection. nice. and she's got a spray tan and fake tits. this is just demeaning.
Weet : totally, although I enjoyed Ryan's little dig
Pie : also, it is not Adam Lambert. it is in fact the opposite of Adam Lambert. oh god, she cannot sing.
Weet : this is so bad
Pie : but I don't mind if she embarrasses herself because she deserves it and will probably have a sitcom called Shot At Love soon.
Weet : oh, that's sweet! HA!
Pie : and there is Kara! WHO CAN ACTUALLY SING, THANK YOU.
Weet : Kara has just totally redeemed herself for me for ALL SEASON
Pie : I'm glad they didn't Make Kara wear a bikini.
me too.
KARA! I love you all of a sudden!!!!!!
and they turned down bikini girl's mic! ha! oh god
Weet : aw, I totally do too! I hope she keeps her job!
Pie : they did put Kara in a bikini! GROSS.
although she has a hot body.
Weet : wait, she DOES have a bikini! I need a shower
Pie : but that is gross.
Weet : oh, apparently it was for charity … but still. Christ.
Pie : STILL. that was just a blow to feminism. I feel like feminism just died a tiny bit.
Weet : Again, I need a shower.
Pie : Gloria Steinem just rolled over in her grave, and she's not even dead.
Weet : it can be argued that Gloria Steinem was proud of her own body and showed it off, but yes, you're right
Pie : OH MY GOD SO COOL ALLISON AND CYNDI LAUPER!!! Time After Time!!!!!!!! this is so cool
Weet : whoa, Cyndi Lauper, who rocks my fucking world, is playing a goddamned DULCIMER. I love Cyndi Lauper so fucking much. You have no idea.
Pie : and looking awesome. Christ, this is cool.
again, HOW COOL FOR ALLISON?
Weet : this makes up for the Black Eyed Peas and the bikini debacle. also, Allison looks super cute in the vintage prom dress thingy
Pie : I bet it's too much to hope that these duets will be on iTunes
Weet : One would hope, anyway. I would totally buy this.
Pie : Allison seems so comfortable... this is so great. that was straight from Ruley McRulerson of Ruleonia.
Weet : wow, Adam's mom is wearing some kind of cruise ensemble!
Pie : there are Kris's cute parents
Weet : is that Kris' parents?
Pie : Kris's mom, you mean. and yes, that is straight from the Lido deck.
Weet : oh, my bad. aw, I just had a flashback to your booze cruise…that was so awesome
Pie : now they are moving to the Lamberts!
Weet : They split the Lamberrr parents away from the Kris Allen parents! Like maybe they'd rumble during the commercial breaks or something
My boyfriend Danny is singing now!
Pie : and yes. I am trying to talk Ian into going on a cruise this winter through Italy and Greece.
Weet : OH MY GOD, IT's HELLO!!!
Pie : DANNY GOKEY, HELLO, WHICH IS AN AWESOME SONG
Weet : Get out of my wet dreams, Gokey.
Pie : do not fuck this up, Danny
(Ian: "Do you know who he is singing this to?" Weet : "his dead wife." Ian: "always.")
Weet : He's doing a weird denture thing with his mouth
Also, he's wearing a wallet chain
Pie : Danny sounds good. he is not fucking it up. I am okay.
please let Lionel Ritchie come out now.
Weet : it's like a FUCKING SHOUTOUT to Weetabix
Oh, that would be perfection
Pie : with a sculpture in the shape of Danny Gokey's head.
Weet : here it comes.... maybe? FUCK YES
Pie : YEEEEEAHHHH!!!! Carrie Underwood looked put out at having to stand up for Lionel Ritchie. "I am entertainer of the year. I should not be required to rise from my seat."
Weet : I do not know this song, but I don't care. Carrie Underwood wears bitchface like it's couture
Pie : I am happy for you. this is cool. even if I think the wallet chain looks douchey on Gokey. also, LOL. I am in fact still LOL'ing.
Weet : The wallet chain does not deflect the fact that Gokey is wearing a Member's Only jacket
Pie : and enjoying the stars in the background as they sing "One More Night" (I think)
Weet : by the way, has Lionel Ritchie had extensive plastic surgery? He's kind of got Jocelyn Wilderstern cheeks
Pie : hee. Gokey looks so dumb and happy.
Weet : that's how I like my men.
dumb and happy
Pie : oh, this is "All Night Long"
Weet : and wearing a Wallet Chain and Weezer Glasses, please.
Pie : I love Lionel Ritchie. yes yes, you can have Gokey. I bequeath him to you. there is Ruben!
Weet : thank you. I will keep him next to my bed and feed him gummy bears.
Pie : hee! comericals! more wine! or maybe I don't need more wine, given how I just spelled "commercials"
Weet : they are American Commercials? Comericals?
Pie : yes. we owe it all to wine. I have learned something recently: drink the expensive wine. life is short. I am going to implement this new life philosophy, and I have started with the Spy Valley Sav Blanc tonight.
Weet : that's a good slogan. If I don't have heartburn now that I've finished the unoaked Chard, I'm moving onto the Alpha Omega Late Harvest something or other
Pie : mmmmm
Weet : which is, like, crazy expensive for just a little bit of wine
Pie : I love their dessert wine
way bigger scream for Adam!
Weet : me too. I've drunk all of it except for the one really expensive bottle. That is currently calling me. Adam auditioned in San Francisco!!! Why weren't you there!?!?!
Pie : I should have been there... it would have been way easier to nibble his ears back then.
Weet : yes, now there will be an ear nibbling line. You'll have to deal with velvet ropes and shit.
oooh, Kiss
he's singing Beth!
Pie : why is Adam wearing a cage?
Weet : I love this song. It's the only Kiss song that I really like.
Pie : this is a gorgeous song.
but why is Adam wearing a cage? but his voice is so pretty. and he is so pretty.
Weet : Oh I hadn't even looked at what he was wearing. I was typing. He's all Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome. Maybe that means Gene simmons is coming out?
Full blown KISS? Is it too much to hope for?
Pie : he's gotta be coming out
bring on Ace Frehly!
bring on Peter Criss!
YEEEEESSSSSS
Weet : he's got sequins around his eyes. Do you see that in HD?
YES! KISS ME ADAM!
Pie : I did see the sequins!
this. is. awesome.
Weet : Ok, I'm going to have to make one of those revelations that make you despair for me and lose a little respect. I would totally do Gene Simmons. Even though he's old now, and kind of a tool, according to last season's Celebrity Apprentice.
Pie : yeah, you are completely correct about my reaction.
Weet : but! but! But! the tongue
Pie : no.
Weet : the TONGUE
Pie : NO.
Weet : I'm transfixed. Intrigued, even.
I can't help myself.
Pie : Adam looks awesome in the platform shoes! and Adam has a tongue too.
Weet : Adam's tongue is not freakishly long and also, Adam does not apply his tongue to women.
Pie : Adam is a ROCK STAR.
Weet : GENE SIMMONS
that's the definition of Rock Star, in Websters I believe
Pie : ADAM LAMBERRRR. that fucking ruled.
Weet : He's totally holding his own against KISS, though. He's even wearing the shoes
it's pretty awesome
Pie : and that also ruled. it is continuing to rule.
Weet : even with my freakish Gene Simmons attraction clouding my vision
Adam was like "How high are Simmon's platforms going to be? I want an inch HIGHER."
Pie : I loved that. please let that be on iTunes.
Weet : I'm sure that it will be, along with Cookie's charity performance
Pie : oh, you're funny.
commerrrrrrricals.
Weet : Ooooooh! Harry Potter commercial!
I'm a little scared.
That commercial was slightly freaky.
11:25 PM Pie : this Walmart commercial that was just on? I don't know if you saw it. Ian calls it "the white people commercial."
Weet : that's what I'm viewing. With the girl in the tragic yellow striped button down and weirdly flouncy jean skirt. Also, did I mention? I forgot to record Glee. and now this commercial is mocking me for not having recorded it. ooh, you can watch the episode on Fox.com! thank you for answering my prayers, Fox! Now please show me Danny Gokey's penis. Thank you.
Pie : oh dear god…. now!......SANTANA
Weet : CARLOS SANTANA! who is apparently going to be playing in Vegas for the next two years.
Pie : well that seems like a good way to make some cash
Weet : he's played a wedding before. At least one.
My friend Joel went to a wedding in SF, actually, and Santana was the reception band.
11:28 PM one of those Dot Com millionaire types.
Pie : and there is "Matt"
Weet : oh, that's right. I had forgotten about him and his Timberfake.
Pie : I would say I hate those dot com millionaires, but I know one, and he is great. so I do not hate them. ADAM LAMBERR IS BACK!
Weet : Oh Kris, you've never looked so white as when you try to dance
I mean, you know it's bad when Danny Gokey out-souls you
Pie : this is a great song for a medley
there are Adam and Allison! cute.
Weet : they mad Megan Joy be the Scott-wrangler for this song
I wonder if they cut out her mic for most of the medleys
Pie : who is that chubby dude next to Adam? I seriously have no idea who that is.
Weet : Heather Locklear in the audience!
I think that was Michael from Texas or whatever
Pie : who?
heh
Weet : also, Camryn Manheim was in the audience!
along with Mandisa!
Pie : he is one of the white guys... too many of them. so confusing.
wow, FORD VIDEO
Weet : maybe they're dating now! Ha! jinx
Pie : hee. Camryn is at many of the shows, I understand. she's a huge fan. what jinx?
Weet : no, not a jinx. I jinxed my own self. too much wine.
Pie : oh dear
Weet : I will not be opening my expensive dessert wine, since I clearly have no concept of anything anymore… aw, they get a car! Fusions!
Pie : OMG they won cars! go, Kris and Adam!
Weet : Adam's "Quite the vehicle" was so cheesy
Pie : this is embarrassing. "thank you Ford. this is beautiful. what a car."
Weet : It WAS Steve Martin!!!
Pie : STEVE MARTIN!!!!
Weet : with Megan FUCKING JOY!
Pie : with Megan and Michael? THEY DO NOT DESERVE HIM.
Weet : Maybe Steve Martin wants to fuck her.
Pie : Megan looks stunning though
Weet : I hear he's quite the dog.
Pie : oh really? he is married to a New Yorker editor
Weet : at the moment, perhaps
Pie : Ian re: Megan: "does she have a fake arm?"
Weet : ha! I just literally LOL'd!
Pie : hee.
Weet : If I didn't know better I'd think that she were a ventriloquist dummy for Steve Martin
Pie : I literally LOLd earlier when I said LOL. I do not use LOL anything other than literally.
Weet : he's not moving his lips!
Pie : hee!
Steve Martin has an album of banjo music.
Weet : I actually never use LOL except on weetapidol. I use "hee"
Pie : I liked that song.
Weet : Seriously? I had no idea.
Pie : it's true!
Weet : Steve Martin is so multi-faceted!
that's just crazy
Pie : I love him.
Weet : I do too. I've actually been in love with him since I was seven. True story.
Pie : I love him a lot, but my from-the-age-of-seven love was John Ritter. so I cannot compete.
Weet : Now, either I'm drunk, or there's some kind of hamster-based action movie trailer on.
Pie : no, it is. they might be guinea pigs though.
Weet : I'm glad to hear that I'm not actually hallucinating.
Pie : no. I kind of wish we were, but no.
Weet : it's like a trailer as conceived by The Onion
Tracey Morgan isn't making enough money on 30 Rock, apparently, that now it seems like a good idea to voice a hamster.
Oh my god, "do you think I'm sexy"?!
Pie : is that what this is?
Weet : oh, no, "If you think I'm sexy"
does that mean Rod Stewart is going to haul his decrepit body onto the stage?
does he have an album that he's pimping right now?
Pie : ugh
Text from Annie: "how does the blind guy dance?"
mmm.. not with his eyes?
Weet : I loathe Rod Stewart. I don't mind the old stuff, like this, but man, anything past 1984 is just gutwrenching"
damn, I was sadly right
Pie : Rod Stewart and Randy probably have the same backet
Weet : here he comes, in a suit coat selected by Randy Jackson
ha!
Pie : jacket
Weet : jinx!
it wasn't just the wine!
Pie : OMG JINX AGAIN!
is this almost over? christ. rod stewart?
Weet : I'm surfing craigslist for undervalued mid-century antiques
Pie : I don't understand that sentence, but I just went to get more angel food cake.
there is Bo Bice in the audience, singing along.
Weet : which sentence? That I'm surfing Craiglist for mid-century stuff?
Pie : yes
Weet : Poor Bo Bice. He's become irrelevant in four short years.
this is SOOOO LONG
of course, he has a new album
and then, more filler with the Golden Idol thing
Pie : ugh
STUPID AWARD
this just hurts me on the inside.
these poor people.
Weet : every time they do this, it sucks all the joy of the finale, the Cyndi Lauper stuff, the Steve Martin stuff, it undoes all of that
Pie : Tatiana, I've heard of her... I am sure she will be the "winner"
yes, exactly. this could be so positive and awesome without this.
Weet : you called it, it's Tatiana
Pie : again, it seems like she's in on the joke, doing this bit
Weet : I'm sure that she is, but it's still painful
Pie : yeah. I like to pretend this entire aspect of the show does not exist. because Adam Lambert is a force for good and happiness.
Weet : I will pretend
Pie : I like to believe he is the point of the show.
Weet : is it just me or does this finale seem, like, four million hours long?
all of this stupid filler?
like, I'd rather hear Adam and Kris (yes KRIS) sing another song than have these stupid award things
Pie : yeah, it's definitely four million hours long.
Ian is asleep, in fact, I think.
Weet : Ian is smart.
Pie : wait, there are Adam and Kris! are they going to sing!?!?
Weet : Oooh, they're singing Queen!
Pie : YES. WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS!
Weet : I LOVE QUEEN!
Pie : I am happy!!!!!
Weet : So very much! As has been well documented on Weetapidol
I am officially so tipsy that I'm making effusive typos at this point.
"tipsy" was "typsy"
Pie : THIS IS VERY SWEAOMSME.
um.
more dry ice!
Weet : I no longer feel the need to apologize for "typsy"
there is a lot of things happening. On the stage.
Pie : yeah, "sweamosme" kind of wins.
Weet : Also, I think that's Queen. Actual Queen.
Pie : yeah I think you are right.
ADAM!!!!!
Weet : oh look, there it is on the drum.
Pie : ADAM LAMBERRRRRR IS AWESOME AND THIS IS AWESOME OKAY.
and there was just a little Kradam moment.
Weet : You know what would be cool now? Is if a rising platform lifted Adam out of the dry ice smoke, straight into the heavens!
Pie : hee!!!!
like in Cats!
also, I LOL'd.
Weet : Kara and Paula are having a moment
yes, like in Cats!
and then a trapdoor opened on the stage (like in Phantom) and sucked Kris in
Pie : fuck, I am having a moment!!!
Weet : whoosh!
there are a lot of sparklies
it's like we're in Vegas right now!
and then a fucking commercial
also, Ford? What the fuck kind of slogan is "Drive one."
Pie : Ian wants to see Queen because he slept through it
he claims it is my fault he slept through it, and I should rewind
Weet : It's like Coca-Cola: Drink it. Citicard Visa: Get one.
Pie : hee!
you should work in advertising.
Weet : I totes should
Weetapidol: Read us.
Pie : hee!
Weet : ok, I do kind of want to see Funny People, but mostly because I've got a weakness for Seth Rogen
even though he lost weight to play the Green Lantern.
Again with my types.
Pie : yeah
Weet : Do you think Tom Collichio dies for having to shill Diet Coke?
Pie : heh. he probably dries his tears with fifty dollar bills.
RESULTS, finally
Weet : FINALLY
Pie : Simon is saying nice things that I think are very deserved
Weet : who cares what Simon thinks? his opinion is irrelevant at this point!
America has decided!
Oooh, he's British, so naturally we should trust him.
Pie : OMG what will happen!
hee. I am spoiled so I already know.
Weet : Like you aren't totally spoiled by fucking Twitter
If Kris wins...
fuck
Pie : KRIS WINS!
and they hug
MAKE OUT! MAKE OUt!
Weet : I was about to say, "If Kris wins, I will completely lose my respect for the charade that is American Idol"
seriously. KRIS FUCKING ALLEN?
CHAGRIN!
Anger!
Hating America!
Pie : yeah, I do like Kris a lot, but I think this is going to ultimately make America look stupid
Kris: "Adam deserves this." Aw, Kris.
Weet : Kris says that Adam deserved it!
Pie : bromance!
Weet : Kris is being sweet. Aw, Kris. You won because America isn't ready for weirdness.
And also, Danny's voters went Kris rather than Adam.
poor Adam. He deserved the win.
man.
that sucks.
Pie : Ian made me rewind to look at Simon's face. Simon = not happy.
at least Adam isn't forced to sing this awful song again.
Weet : I'll bet that if you looked at iTunes sales, Adam kicks Kris' ass.
that's true.
Aw, he's being consoled by Allison.
Pie : I think both of these guys will be mega successess.
Weet : I think that about at least one of them~
that should have been an exclamation point!
Pie : okay, Kris will be a middling success... but Adam is a superstar already.
Weet : so much for the demographic theory. Two white guys in a row!
Pie : I will buy 87 copies of his album. and maybe he will have more creative freedom than Kris.
Weet : 87? Why not 88?
Pie : here are Alan's thoughts: http://www.nj.com/entertainment/tv/index.ssf/2009/05/kris_allen_wins_american_idol.html
Weet : Actually, I'm sure that he will. That's a definite plus.
Pie : okay Kris and Adam, MAKE OUT! I saw an Entertainment Tonight video with Adam randomly kissing Kris on the forehead. It was incredibly cute.
Weet : oooh! and a million Kradam fanfics were launched. Interesting commentary from Alan
Pie : yeah, worth checking out. well, I hope it wasn't a homophobia thing.. I'm inclined to think it was more a backlash because Adam was so overpimped
Weet : perhaps. Like "Oh, you want us to vote for Adam? Well, we won't be bullied, AI!"
Pie : and Kris made a good underdog
Weet : and also, tween America thinks Kris is cuuuuute
Pie : I have rewound and am watching Queen again. Queen is one of Ian's favorite bands so he is identifying all the original members, etc.
now that he is awake.
Weet : I know that the religious right really were offended by Adam. I actually got into it on Twitter with someone who called Adam a freak.
Pie : good for you!
this is so great, even the second time. what a great idea for a Kradam duet.
Weet : well, it was bullshit. This guy fronts like he's all into tolerance and whatnot, but he's a big fundie Republican and incidentally, didn't respond to my calling him out for his "Co-Exist" bumper sticker.
Pie : anyway, final thoughts: I love Adam Lambert, and he will be awesome and take over the world. but I am happy for Kris.
Weet : I am not happy for Kris, because he will always feel like he got Adam's title and will Ruben and Taylor his way into mediocrity, but Adam will perservere, I hope. It's been a very provocative season. I'm kind of amazed that it managed to be provocative until the end. Well played, American Idol, well played. and with that, I must go to bed
Pie : and congrats to Wendi, who I believe just won our pool!
Weet : Weetpidol out! Indeed! Wendi wins!
Pie : Thanks for joining us for season eight, everyone!
WEETAPIDITUL! OUT!
Weet : Congratulations to everyone! Final pool totals to be posted tomorrow!
Pie : you say that as if this is going up tonight. I am going to bed too.
Weet : what the hell is Weetapiditul?
ok, good night Mopie and Ian!
Pie : whatever we are right now is Weetapiditul.
Weet : Weetapiditul outitul.
Labels: Adam Lambert, Kris Allen, Season Finale
posted by Weetabix at 1:29 PM
6 comments
