Top 10: Not Easy for Chickeze

Despite a stellar performance during the first Beatles week, Chickeze checks out in 10th place, causing mass pandemonium in the Weetapidol Pool standings! Not one of us correctly predicted that Chickeze coming in 10th, but COLLECTIVELY, we were spot on, as the Weetapidol average prognosticated that Chickeze would check out this week.

Let's go to the standings!

37 Points: Kelly S, Weetapidol
36 Points: Kim, Xaan, Martha, Wendi
34 Points: Stacey, Puscha
33 Points: Weet, Kelly M, Jake
32 Points: Shmuel, Carlywei
31 Points: Pie
30 Points: Eden, Shari
29 Points: Gila

With only an 8 point spread, it's still anyone's game! What will happen next week? The Weetapidol Hive Mind feels that Kristy Lee Cook's adieu is two weeks overdue, but how could she possibly go home on Dolly Parton week? Anything's possible! What will you do, America?

Top 10: Jason Castro, David Cook, Zach Braf, Douche! Which of these things is not like the other?

Pie's schedule did not permit her to liveblog this week, so Jake graciously volunteered to watch along with Weet. He's clearly a natural. Pie should be back next week.



Jake : The opening was very Star Wars
Weetabix : And again, the geek contingent is strong with this one.
Jake : Ryan looks like a midwestern insurance adjuster

Weetabix : do you think Ricky cries himself to sleep every night?
Jake : yes, so does Paula's stylist
Weetabix : oooh, holy crap! As Tim Gunn would say, that's a whole lot of look! she looks like a Barbie Doll
Jake : Year they where born?
Weetabix : tonight's theme is the year they were born? weird
Jake : That's an interesting choice


RAMIELE MALUBAY

Jake : uh oh, in the dead spot. She was born in Saudi Arabia? Her mom talks like Margaret Cho's
Weetabix : totally different ethnicity, dude
Jake : I'm aware of that
Weetabix : I like to call you "racist". that's the lesser known song by Kenny Loggins, the follow up to "Whenever I call you friend"
Jake : OH
MY
GOD
Weetabix : OMG!HEART!
Jake : YES
Weetabix : We sang this! At karaoke!
Jake : I'm singing along
Weetabix : Are you singing along? HEEE!
Jake : my roommate is not amused
Weetabix : alone!
Jake : TIL NOW
Weetabix : TIL NOW I always got by on my own... oooh, not a good note
Jake : I didn't nail it either
Weetabix : well, you're not Ferocia Coutura
Jake : No, No I'm not...neither is Ramiele
Weetabix : she's my little Ferocia. this was a brave choice of songs
Jake : it was very brave, and I give it a pass because it's Heart
Weetabix : and that's all that matters
Jake : and I love that song... LOVE!
Weetabix : I agree. I enjoy the Heart.
Jake : uh oh
Weetabix : uh oh what?
Jake : I admited that to the world. They hate it, even Paula...it's a hard choice,
Weetabix : ooh, she's not feeling well! Ferocia is ill! That's why her voice broke
Jake : pity vote
Weetabix : and Simon is sticking up for her! YAY SIMON!
Jake : Her shorts are awful
Weetabix : I hate the shorts
Jake : She's going home, Simon just gave her the kiss of death
Weetabix : the boots, though, hit her at a bad spot on her leg.
Jake : there is no good spot on her leg for boots to hit
Weetabix : did I tell you? I got the new American Idol Karaoke Revolution
and now Simon tells me that I am fabulous. it's very good for my ego. heee!
Jake : she just screwed up the pity vote
Weetabix : that she did
Jake : all of my roommates have now come into make sure I was not being murdered
Weetabix : she should have let America believe she had a 105 temperature
Jake : yes and vomited just before entereing the stage
Weetabix : did you front like you were? so that they didn't know the story, the shame of Heart?
Jake : I don't front, dawg
Weetabix : I'm proud of you...it's time that you came out and admitted your enjoyment of the power ballad
Jake : America, in addition to a Heart love, I also have the complete works of Celine Dion... Including Imports... and Dance Mixes
Weetabix : and that's all that needs to be sad
Jake : yes, it is sad
Weetabix : said... I meant said. That was an unfortunate typo.

COMMERCIALS

Jake : I would like my life to voice activated, like the Sync
Weetabix : I agree.
Jake : Oven, 450. Pizza, cook
Weetabix : I would even like my husband to respond to the sound of my voice, like Sync. Esteban, take out the trash.
Jake : Vodka, Mix!
Weetabix : Esteban, flag the comforter when you fart! see, I'm trying to reveal more, to help you not feel so exposed in the whole Heart/Celine drama
Jake : I heard a rumor that Abigail Brensin wore a fat suit in Little Miss Sunshine
Weetabix : that's not a rumor... that's true. I just wrote that on Elastic Waist yesterday
Jake : I'm trying to distract America with slander
Weetabix : HOLY SHIT I'm freaked out by the Guitar Hero commercial
Jake : I do not care for Guitar Hero
Weetabix : Slash's fist comes out of a guy's mouth

ROOO ROOO!
Jake : have you submitted a song yet?
Weetabix : I think you should compose a song--we need to stop being so equally smarmy


JASON CASTRO

Jake : he's going for a birthday vote
Weetabix : Also, I should mention that my niece Abigail revealed to me that my sister Amy has the super hots for Jason Castro
Jake : Jesus
Weetabix : to which I replied "He's a douche"...I couldn't help myself. And she's 9!
Jake : She needs to learn now
Weetabix : she does... OOOOH! That bastard! He's singing Fragile!
Jake : He is
Weetabix : That's one of my favorite Sting songs
Jake : It's a good choice for him
Weetabix : Why does he have to date rape all of my favorite songs?
Jake : it's the only way he knows
Weetabix : I don't like that he's singing it like it's Taco Tuesday at the local mexicali restaurant
Jake : He's doing it very well
Weetabix : it's about murder and death, and he's doing it all peppy
Jake : I'm not a fan of Sting
Weetabix : whatever, Celiniac
Jake : actually, his dreds remind me that Bandit needs to be let out at the next commercial
Weetabix : who is the guy on Scrubs who dates all the young girls? he makes crazy faces like that guy
Jake : Zach Braf
Weetabix : yes, he makes Zach Braf faces when he sings
Jake : once again, the lust makes Paula lucid. Simon Cowell was on Top Gear
Weetabix : I agree with Simon, it's totally someone busking outside of a subway station
Jake : It totally was busking
Weetabix : also, Jason has extraordinarily large feet, I hadn't noticed that before
Jake : it's the tight pants
Weetabix : I'm not talking about his cock. I'm talking about his feet. It's not a euphamism


SYESHA MERCADO

Weetabix : These people are all making me feel really old. I had seen a penis in a sexual manner by the time Syesha was born in 1987
Jake : I was 12
Weetabix : I'm going to weep openly by the time Baby Xander sings. I don't know "If I Were Your Woman"
Jake : I don't either, and they didn't identify the artist.... she loves the circle earrings
Weetabix : she got them all on one big card at Icing for $6
Jake : hee
Weetabix : syesha is doing better tonight, I think, than I've seen her do since getting to the top 12
Jake : it's true, this is a good performance
Weetabix : see, that was a glorious note. not a glory note. A glorious note.
Jake : it's a little church choir
Weetabix : I'm ok with that. I like a little side of gospel with my Idol. like mashed potatoes and gravy. or corn. Which I think is very Midwestern, but I like it.
Jake : yes, it was good gospel, not Tyler Perry movie
Weetabix : See, Randall agrees with me. It's her best performance so far. Seriously, what the fuck is Paula wearing?
Jake : I don't know, I like her hair though
Weetabix : Did she stumble in from a revival of Diamonds Are A Girls Best Friend?
Jake : the Grunge version
Weetabix : Simon slammed her "It was definitely the best so far, but we're only three in"
Jake : I think it was a very good choice for her
Weetabix : The trick to making America love you is to apparently stay quiet during the judging.
Jake : interesting
Weetabix : which Ferocia totally didn't heed.

COMMERCIALS

Weetabix : Like Ashton Kutcher would be toting around a ghetto Cool Pix
Jake : Demi must be getting expensive
Weetabix : Mama's got needs
Jake : or Rumor's bar bill is getting out of hand
Weetabix : hey, he's only going to be pretty for a very short time. He's got to cash in. It's not like he can fall back on his ability to wise crack, you know?
Weetabix : apparently thin is in at Papa Murphy's
Jake : Bandit just laid a Jason Castro dred in the backyard

CHICKEZE

Jake : Chickiezie has a good stylist
Weetabix : that he does, they all have the same stylist
Jake : the stylist hates Ferocia
Weetabix : the stylist errors quite frequently although I have to say that the stylist does the plus size ladies some very nice gestures
Jake : His parents are adorable...as is chickeze
Weetabix : "If Only For One Night"?
Jake : Again, I'm not familar with the song
Weetabix : Man, where was I during the 80's and 90's?
Jake : I was listening to Depeche Mode
Weetabix : and New Order and the Cure
Jake : and New-- heh
Weetabix : hee--see, stop doing that
Jake : i also had my punk phase, that was early 90's
Weetabix : I was going to go into a diatribe about the Dead Milkmen and also Mojo Nixon, but then I realized that it's because it's more interesting than Chickeze
Jake : I'm underwhelmed
Weetabix : I almost won tickets to Bonnaroo tonight, I can't decide if I'd want to go to that or not
Jake : I have no idea what that is
Weetabix : it's like the hipster Lolla
Jake : ah
Weetabix : Death Cab, that kind of thing, Raconteurs
Jake : oldie but goody?
Weetabix : I think Angels and Airwaves is going to be there
Jake : nice
Weetabix : Agreed with Randy... boring. "boring for me, dawg"
Jake : RAndy is going to lose it... RESPECT ME DAWG!
Weetabix : Paula takes another hit off her crack pipe
Jake : Chickeze does not like that
Weetabix : Simon is tired of Jacuzzi... and once again, America does not like it when the contestants talk back to the judges
Jake : I think chikezie might be in trouble

BROOKE WHITE

Jake : Brooke is doing the Police!
Weetabix : YAY! Sting is fairing well tonight
Jake : that he is
Weetabix : You know, that makes me feel old again. Fragile? Was off of Sting's SECOND solo album. I used to play that every night during my senior year when falling asleep. It covered up the sounds of the crack whores screaming at their pimps outside my bedroom window.
Jake : that's a lovely story
Weetabix : I try to paint with words. I would like the Dyson guy to read me bedtime stories.
Jake : you could get him to narrate your memoirs
Weetabix : no, I am still holding out for Emma Thompson.
Jake : and Anderson Cooper can do the naughty bits
Weetabix : ooooh... huh. That will give me something to think about. there's not a lot of naughty bits. I'm pretty innocent.
Jake : but when they need impact, you get a closeted Vanderbuilt
Weetabix : I like to think it's just because he hasn't met the right girl yet.
Jake : so does CNN
Weetabix : This is the same denial I carried for years regarding Morrissey.
Jake : Remember those rumors about Morrisey and Micheal Stipe?
Weetabix : yes and yes. although! Michael Stipe dated Jane Pratt. that's a fact. although! Jane Pratt had sex with Drew Barrymore. God, her family is totally Mormon!
Jake : I know
Weetabix : They are like, Osmonds!
Jake : No, they are like from Boutniful
Weetabix : that's crazy. They have the look of Utah. I've clearly been to Utah too many times that I can pick that out now.
Jake : They do. I prefer to call it the stench of Utah
Weetabix : I like her hair straightened
Jake : She looks far better. OOPS!
Weetabix : Yes, she had an oopsie
Jake : the stylist is hit or miss
Weetabix : And also? Barefoot again.
Jake : no doubt
Weetabix : Her hands are CRAZILY wrinkled. What's up with that? Is she super old or something?
Jake : she has so much heart, though... she communicates her passion so well. I really like this
Weetabix : She's no Vanessa Carlton. She's kind of countrifying this, like, a little ya'llternative
Jake : heh, very much so, but I liked it
Weetabix : I don't know, I thought it was ok but I push against liking Brooke
Jake : Randy is feeling bitchy tonight
Weetabix : Again, I agree with Randall... it was ok
Jake : I kind of like it
Weetabix : apparently I also am feeling bitchy
Jake : I'm underwhelmed by everyone so far
Weetabix : I agree also with Paula that she is pretty consistant.
Jake : I think she'll win
Weetabix : I think she's going to be up there quite far

COMMERCIALS

Jake : even with her Sara Chalkeness?
Weetabix : there is a lot of Sara Chalke there speaking of which, I am trying to overcome that hatred too. Because of How I Met Your Mother. She was sort of adorable on last night's episode
Jake : Bears do not belong in Lowes
Weetabix : no, everyone knows they shop at Home Depot
Jake : This VW commercial is too diverse for me
Weetabix : I have a Chevy truck commercial, that says a lot about the difference in our states

MICHAEL JOHNS

Weetabix : AUSSIE! At least he's born in the same decade as I am
Jake : What's with the Astrology?
Weetabix : aw, his parents are adorable
Jake : Australians fight easily, it's all the drinking
Weetabix : although I have to point out that I went to Youtube and watched his Bohemian Rhapsody performance? it really was fantastic.
Jake : Awesome!
Weetabix : He's doing more Queen! Look at all the action! Lights! Clapping! DYNAMIC! and also? He has very nice arms.
Jake : I don't think he's lip syncing this week
Weetabix : According to shmuel, he wasn't last week either
Jake : He was last week, totally
Weetabix : I rewatched that performance too, very closely, and I can't find anything that obviously looks like he was.
Jake : that was very good. Queen is always a good choice
Weetabix : that was fucking awesome, and also, Paula just had her third orgasm. she's GLOWING! Actually, I think Randy might have had petit de mort as well
Jake : what?
Weetabix : seriously, that was hot. AUSSIE IS BACK IN MY PANTS!
Jake : Paula lost it there
Weetabix : aftershock


CARLY SMITHSON

Weetabix : Oh my god, she had a million curls!
Jake : No way. She's 30
Weetabix : she does look older than that!
Jake : Her mother has aged well
Weetabix : that she has
Jake : perhaps she spends a lot of time in the sun. Stay out of the Sun!
Weetabix : Well, she has been in CA for at least 6 years
Jake : Wear Sunscreen
Weetabix : wear sunscreen-- fuck
Jake : YES
Weetabix : TOTAL ECLIPSE OF THE HEART!
Jake : oh, wait
Weetabix : I had this on 45. you thought it was Heart again, didn't you?
Jake : I did
Weetabix : I'm singing along with this
Jake : this is good though. She has strange singing posture
Weetabix : she's awesome
Jake : this is fantastic
Weetabix : yes, it's not exactly flattering. not as bad a singing posture as Nurse Ratched's
Jake : Oh, that was a little bit of Irish in the song
Weetabix : aye
Jake : She's so good
Weetabix : I loooooved that
Jake : she thanked Ricky and the band, boo Randy
Weetabix : weird... Randy really is bitchy tonight
Jake : I know
Weetabix : Randy doesn't like the "whole rock thing"? that's so weird. He was in JOURNEY
Jake : He's a hater. I liked the run at the end. She was very tense? it was the posture! Simon's getting a package in the mail
Weetabix : And Simon is the voice of reason. Ok, the whole bathroom discussion between Ryan and Carly was just strange. I don't know where to put that in my brain.

COMMERCIALS

Jake : this coke commercial was bizarre. I will never be ready for an Alvin and the Chipmunks revival
Weetabix : it's all just sort of thrown out in the middle of a tirade about how hard her life has been
they just keep coming back, the Chipmunks. They're like entertainment Haley's comets

DAVID ARCHULETA

Weetabix : Baby Xander might miss prom! Oh no!
Jake : He can't take a boy to Prom
Weetabix : Does he have a crush on someone? Great, Ryan just left a teenage girl totally mortified on national television.
Jake : She's student body president and leader of his fan club
Weetabix : how the hell do you know this? wow
Jake : She's on the news every night. this is awkward
He looked like Speedy Gonzales
Weetabix : "You're The Voice"??? Oh, this sounds familiar, like, I might have heard it at the dentist
Jake : I have no idea
Weetabix : it sounds like something you'd hear at church camp
Jake : that it does. I may feel the stirrings of Jesus in my chest
Weetabix : and also, he's totally wearing a Member's Only jacket
Jake : I have no idea what America sees in this kid. this is terrible. TERRIBLE
Weetabix : yeah, I wasn't loving it, dawg. again, though, we're not the voters, I asked Abby who she was voting for on Easter? She confirmed: David Archuleta.
Jake : Hah! Theme Park! that's my slam! but totally true

COMMERCIALS

Weetabix : Ok, how much do I love Marshall from How I Met Your Mother? Very very much. Jason Segal, I believe is his name.
Jake : Jennifer Garner looks younger than Carly
Weetabix : I have no interest in trying Orbit Maui Melon Mint
Jake : neither do I, Melon and Mint do not belong together
Weetabix : agreed, although I've had a fruit salad that had melon with a light mint syrup, and it wasn't bad
Jake : Utah now has a DSW. WE HAVE ARRIVED AMERICA

KRISTY LEE COOK

Jake : cheesecake dad shot, going for the gays
Weetabix : 1984...I was in 6th grade when she was born. I had not yet seen a penis in a sexual nature, so this is ok
Jake : she looks younger than Carly
Weetabix : She does! She wears sunscreen!---oh no
Jake : she was remarkably-- NO. NO!
Weetabix : not God Bless The USA! Do you remember when Invincible Girl sang this at Journalcon Austin?
Jake : yes
Weetabix : And sang it as the United States of Awesome? It is still to this day, the best and only tolerable version of this song. this is KLC's attempt to shake the rednecks out of their stupor and get them to pick up the damned phone
Jake : hopefully they've bought new minutes, or paid the bill. momma needs to vote for idol! she's not going home on God Bless America
Weetabix : I don't know. Once, someone had to go home singing "Smile" which I thought was particularly harsh, having to sing out your departure on "Smile, though your heart is breaking"
Jake : Her interview was not obnoxious but now I want to hurt her
Weetabix : cheese and rice, we're stuck with KLC for another week
Jake : we are
Weetabix : she's throwing off my pool
Jake : mine as well, you can't slam God Bless the USA... but Simon might try. Fingers crossed.... DAMN
Weetabix : wow... Simon loved it!? And loves the song? I give up.
Jake : he respects her playing the right card
Weetabix : well, that is true. She really did. All the cashiers at Walmart just went on break so they could vote.

COMMERCIALS
Jake : Bandit feels patriotic. He was born in Arkansas though
Weetabix : as was the sexiest US President. and one Presidential Library that I really look forward to visiting... mostly because I hear there's free oral sex

DAVID COOK

Weetabix : And now I feel guilty for thinking he's kind of hot
Jake : totally sporting the 5 head
Weetabix : oh my god, the explanation for the comb over! he's just got a giant head!
Jake : also balding
Weetabix : I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt
Jake : benefit of the douche
Weetabix : weird!
Jake : what song is this?
Weetabix : It's a crizazy version of Billie Jean! this is pretty awesome
Jake : I will admit to being intrigued. it's still, off
Weetabix : it's like a novelty, like bacon flavored ice cream. you just have a hard time deciding what to do with it
Jake : I'm going to go with, No
Weetabix : I fall on the side of Yay. we will teeter
Jake : Simon is annonyed at Paula
Weetabix : Interesting! I think he's got a glove fetish and has been distracted all night
Jake : god, did you see the back of the dress?
Weetabix : nope. Simon said it was amazing! See, Simon is the voice of reason tonight! And yay for Dane Cook getting the pimp spot!
Jake : I was not in love with it
Weetabix : that's because you think he's a douche


RECAP

Jake : poor Ramiele, she's gone
Weetabix : Noooooooooooo! I'm afraid for Ramiele. Castro's safe, Syesha's safe
Jake : Syesha was good
Weetabix : that she was. Chickeze wasn't very good
Jake : Chickeze might be bottom
Weetabix : I predict he'll be bottom three. Brooke's safe
Jake : I liked Brooke, Safe. Micheal...
Weetabix : Aussie is totally safe and I will venture that Carly is too because she was awesome
Jake : Carly might not be, but I loved it.
Weetabix : David Archuleta
Jake : that was awful. stupid David Archeleta hand his Tween Army
Weetabix : he's still safe though
Jake : KLC will squeek by again
Weetabix : KLC... I'm still not sure. yeah, I don't think she's out
Jake : bottom three, but will survive
Weetabix : And David cook is totally golden this week
Jake : Douchey will live to douche again
Weetabix : I know that we already made our pool picks, but given this new data, do you have a feeling about who might be winning this thing?
Jake : douche will go very far
Weetabix : Jason Castro?
Jake : it will probably come down between Douche and David Archeleta.
Weetabix : I really don't think Castro is going that far, but interesting!
Jake : Castro is going to be out in a week or two
Weetabix : Wait, you're contradicting yourself! This is like "Who's On First", because Dane Cook does not equal Jason Castro
and Jason Castro = Douche
Jake : I'm not. Dane Cook is Douche
Jake : I have to say that was more entertaining than Beetles night. parts 1 and 2
Weetabix : finally something we can agree upon
Jake : Okay, fine, Dane and David will be the top two with the Tween Army against, I don't know what Army Dane has
Weetabix : that blows Pie's whole demographics theory, though
Jake : though i'm pulling for Brooke
Weetabix : I'm thinking it will be Archuleta and Brooke, but I'm probably going to be wrong.
Jake : which is strange, that's what I put in my pool
Weetabix : which I'm fine with
Jake : Brooke does everything wrong, and it comes out right somehow
Weetabix : it's her fragility that is attractive. she's Teflon. it's a little weird
Jake : plus the passion when she sings
Weetabix : we're back to disagreeing, because I find her somewhat dishwater, but then, I'm biased against her. I'm calling this Weetapidol a draw.

WEETAPIDOL OUT!

Top 11 Results: Smell ya later, Nurse Ratched!

The results are in (and yes, we wish we could liveblog the results show too, and when our schedules free up, it's definitely up for discussion!) and Amanda Overmyer missed going on the tour by thatmuch. Ah well!

But onto much more important matters: the Weetapidol Pool Standings!

Last week lots of us knew that David "Boi Toy" Hernandez was getting 12th place, but this week Kelly S was the only one who correctly picked 11th place for Amanda! Earning a full 13 points for this week puts her into the lead!

26 Points: Kelly S
24 Points: Wendi, Martha, Kim, Xaan, and Weetapidol
23 Points: Stacey, Kelly M
22 Points: Weet, Pushca, Carlywei
21 Points: Shmuel, Jake
20 Points: Pie, Gila
19 Points: Shari
18 Points: Eden

As you can see, it's still anyone's game! Also, because I'm a dork (see last pool post) I'm going to keep track of our collective responses (listed as Weetapidol).

See you next week!

Top 11: "I wanted to hit him with a prop."

Jake :Okay I'm on Ryan Seacrest. well, not literally
Weetabix :standing on a podium?
Jake :yes
Weetabix :ok! go!
Jake :Beatles again?
Weetabix :didn't we just do the Beatles? I'm feeling like Heather Mills McCartney. So over the Beatles!
Jake :Well, she did get some money
so Paul has to recoup that now
Weetabix :things on the Idol stage are very sparkly now
Jake :Ryan looks like a goodfellah
again, I feel sorry for ricky. Rogue! Did David almost curtsy?
Weetabix :I'm not sure how I feel about Seacrest's lack of a tie
and the black on black crime
Jake :I hate douchebag, also known as Dane Cook.
Weetabix :Yes, you need to specific, because I feel that description also fits Jason Castro
Jake :I was busy hating Dane Cook
Weetabix :don't hate Dane Cook. Is Ryan really explaining to us the rules of American Idol?
Jake :Yes and telling us Randy is Petite
Weetabix :I believe he said Fatigued
Jake :Simon just gave him a tell!
Weetabix :Simon winked again! Furthering the slash fiction inside my head
Jake :It means he will meet up with Seacrest in the mensroom
Weetabix :it means "Tonight, Seacrest, our theme is Reach Around"
Oh Paula... thank you for being the resident space cowgirl
Jake :Paula was all kinds of lucid there
I don't know what that means
perhaps she was crazy but I can now translate
Weetabix :You should probably be worried about that
Sometimes Simon surreptitiously picks his nose on camera
Jake :by er uh sing well, he means blow job
Oh, we have to be reminded about the beatles again
Weetabix :Listen, young of America, let us talk about ancient fucking history
I'm sorry, I love the Beatles, but if the kids these days actually need a reminder? I weep for our nation.
Jake :they are leaving out the heavy drug use and Yoko Ono
Oh wait, no they just did mention it. they left out Ringo's solo career and the Traveling Wilburys
Weetabix :They left out motherfucking WINGS
Jake :that's next week
Weetabix :Awesome, because Aussie is going to rock the hell out of Band on the Run

AMANDA OVERMYER
Jake :Rogue! she feeds off energy. she chose "Back in the USSR" because she loves America and hates Commies. the hick girl is PISSED. this is awful
Weetabix :I don't care for her voice
Jake :I've heard better karaoke
Weetabix :You know, it's weird, because she's actually a very thin girl
but her face? It's like she's pre-fat
Jake :she looks like, yes, give her a trailer and a colt 45, in three years it will become her coffin
Weetabix :She'll be browsing the aisles of Walmart, looking for Funyuns, trailing some snotty kids
Jake :and this song will come on the muzak, and she will shed a tear for what might have been
Weetabix :She's got to stop being so lousy. I have her going in a few weeks in my pool picks
Jake :yeah, that was awful
Weetabix :If she'd lose the skunk stripe, she might have more appeal, quite honestly
Weetabix :maybe dye it blue?
Jake :that might help. her "mom" used to be a man
Weetabix :it must have been a painful birth. Oh Paula "you are quintessential authentic... who you are"
Jake :Paula gave her nothing constructive
Weetabix :I agree with Simon... it was a mess and it's the same thing every week
Jake :Rogue, your song is like your hair! her voice is manlier than Seacrests
Weetabix :Again, boring is a good description. I mean, when Amanda's on the stage, I know exactly what's coming up. It's not more manly, it's just more destroyed. She sounds like she smokes four packs a day and screams a lot, which hurts the vocal chords. you can actually damage your vocal chords if you sing improperly

COMMERCIALS
Weetabix :"You're going to be the girl with the crazy father who no one wants to date" Bad Syntax! Why would anyone want to date the father?
Jake :the focus guy looks and acts like Ian
Weetabix : Oh my god, the focus guy DOES look like Ian
I have no interest in watching Gordon Ramsey ever
does that make me unAmerican?
Jake :He's english
Weetabix :but it's an American show
Jake :I don't know then

KRISTY LEE COOK
Weetabix : Is a stool. Also, I hate her dress.
Jake :she will not age well. How come Rogue didn't get one of highlight reels?
Weetabix :she did, but she doesn't have much to highlight. Remember, it showed her wearing a kerchief?
Jake :I've already forgotten. Oh, that's right
Weetabix :when she's not bellowing, she's forgettable. also, already I hate this
Jake :hate the boots
Weetabix :and her nylons are way too shiny
Jake :she's cuntry y'all! that was an unfortunate typo
Weetabix :she's wearing a, forgive me for going Michael Kors, but a Mother of the Bride dress
that's been hacked off at the knees
Jake :it's not bad though, the dress, yes, but the song,
Weetabix :the song isn't doing much for me
Jake :I don't hate
Weetabix :she's using some restraint, which is, you know, unusual for this show
Jake :it seems to me like she's already lost in her mind
Weetabix :nice up skirt camera shot there
Jake : where's Ryan?
Weetabix :Randy is like "meh, ok, whatevs"
Paula "You picked some choices on the melody"
WTF?
Jake :when in doubt, Paula compliments the look
Weetabix :you're learning. when she says you look pretty, it's totally a danger sign
Jake :she has a career in Branson though
Weetabix :Perhaps. The Weetpidol poll consensus has her going this week.
Ryan is afraid of her.
Jake :he was much closer to Rogue
Weetabix :Wait, what was the thing with Ryan getting hot?
Jake :I don't know, He had a jerk off hand though
Weetabix :Come on ,totally trying too hard, Ryan

DAVID ARCHULETA
Jake : He is very twee, and also his father is abusive. Yawn, Long and Winding road is boring
Weetabix :I don't know. I like it. Although when I worked at JCPenney, it would play every day at 11:30 am, so hearing it makes me crave frozen yogurt and an Auntie Anne's pretzel
Jake :Mmmh, pretzels. I'm sorry, but I don't see what this guy has?
Weetabix :He's Baby Xander! I don't know, it's the adorable geek thing.
Jake :This sounds like bad Lawrence Welk solo
Weetabix :you have to remember, my niece Abby? She's 9. She's voting right now like crazy.
The kids in her class? They're voting. We are not American Idol's voter. She is.
Jake :I don't think that was very good
Weetabix :I don't know, as for David's song, it was ok, dawg.
Jake :There's the abusive dad!
Weetabix :Randy seems to like it? Weird.
Jake :I'm behind you, hotness/ notness
Weetabix :I don't know, I thought it was ok, but weird. Maybe after Kristy Lee Cook.
Jake :Purity
Weetabix :Sometimes the disgust wafts off of Simon like a palpable wave.
Jake :WHAT?
Weetabix :what?
Jake : Paula just babbled a bunch of nonsense
Weetabix :Simon thinks he's amazing? ARE WE BOTH ON DRUGS?
Jake :Simon though it was amazing? I think so, actually, I'm not drinking tonight
Weetabix :Simon thinks it's "master class"?
Jake :Simon is wacky
Weetabix :Ryan thinks David looks stunned. Ryan must be looking at the audience, because I'm bewildered.
Jake :David's got a British smile
Weetabix :I don't know, I really like David, but that... it was there, it wasn't bad, but it wasn't a stunner. He's pre-orthodontia. I'm sure they'll fix that when they hand him the title.

COMMERCIALS
Jake :I love shoes
Weetabix :heeee! Is this Old Navy?
Jake :I don't know, it's shoes
Weetabix :I recognize those patterns, that shirt! that was the shirt! that I just sent you in email!
Jake :and fashion pictorial, it must be. Yes
Weetabix :TOLD YOU!
Jake :Old Navy is totally working it
Weetabix :I was just shopping the site today
Jake :and working it well
Weetabix :they are! Again, the plus sizes sell out like fucking immediately, it's very frustrating
there's no waiting for something to go on sale anymore. waiting for clearance is like waiting for closing time at a bar. You might end up with something decent, but you might just get a bad case of crabs.
Jake : Well, it is Old Navy
Weetabix :I wore Old Navy today. I'm so ashamed. My favorite sweater is from there.
Jake :I have to say, I'm impressed with the direction they are heading
Weetabix :ok, not my favorite, but the one I wear a lot that I can wash at home.
their cashmere, though? Utter shit. Which you would expect, but still, they were original price, about what you'd pay for decent cashmere. I didn't pay original price though. Of course. I didn't trust them.
RROOO ROOO

MICHAEL JOHNS
Weetabix :wearing a stupid hat. I don't like the porkpie hat, maybe because it's called a porkpie hat
Jake :yes, but the audtion song is good
Weetabix :it was, I wish you could download THAT on iTunes
Jake :oh, I like that song, Day in the Life
Weetabix :I don't think I know that one
Jake :yeah, it's way long, you do, it ends in the chaos
Weetabix :they Reader's Digested it? OH ! yes! I do
Jake :I read the news, yes, I love this
Weetabix :more than Across the Universe?
ooooh, he's so good
Jake :they are cheating
Weetabix :I'd love to turn him on too
Jake :Hee
Weetabix :I like this!
Jake :He's lipsyncing at times, like now
Weetabix :yes, I believe they actually record the audio at the dress rehearsal, and then lipsync during the performance
Jake :really?
Weetabix :yes
Jake :wait, though, how did David Arch forget the lyrics then?
Weetabix :because he forgot them during dress rehearsal
Jake :No way
Weetabix :that's my understanding
Jake :I thought it was very good, aside form the bad lypsyncing
Weetabix :but maybe the Weetapidol commenters will clarify and correct me
Jake :I feel betrayed
BETRAYED
Weetabix :it was some bad lipsyncing. I noticed it before you said something too
see, now Paula’s saying that it sounds different during the actual performance?
see, I don't know. I'm very confused.
Jake :I thought it was good though
I'm so lost here, David was bad, especially compared to this
Weetabix : yes, I agree. This was enjoyable. It's Monitorgate!
Jake :Hee, this is so bizarre, Michael Johns pulls out the death card? Oh yes, FACE America! I DARE YOU TO VOTE ME OFF
Weetabix :The death card is nice if you think you're about to get voted off!
It doesn't work on America's Next Top Model, but it totally works on AI!
Jake :He was very douchy at the end
Weetabix :I don't care. I want to lick him.
sorry, I didn't realize I had typed that out.
I was speaking entirely for America there.

COMMERCIALS

Jake :KLC was meh,
as was David Archeleta
I wonder if his dad will beat him
Weetabix :why do you think his father uses inappropriate force?
Jake :it's the rumor going round town, O-Town! Represent! yeah yeah
Weetabix :wait, he's from Everwood?
Jake :Murray, I think
Weetabix :I thought he was from some Otherwood
Jake :close enough
Weetabix :I'm not willing to watch a drama where David Boreanaz is not a vampire

BROOKE WHITE
Weetabix :this is predictable, I actually was surprised she didn't sing this last time
Jake : She's married?
Let it be was very good
but she needed to wear shoes
Weetabix :that goes for all things
Jake :She is also from Utah, I like Here comes the sun
Weetabix :she actually looks like she could be from Utah
again, I'm really not surprised that she picked this song
I like singing this song
but not listening to it
if that makes sense
Jake :it does
she's going to be the next American Idol
Weetabix :I think she's going to go very far
Jake :her stage movements are atrocious
Weetabix :She kind of dorks out when she dances
but it's approachable. It's non threatening!
Jake :she lip syncs better than the Aussie
Weetabix :that is what America wants from its idol.
I might be wrong about the lip syncing! I'm probably just jaded!
Jake :Aussie definitely did
that was awful to watch
pleasant to listen to
Weetabix :I agree with Randall, it was an awkward performance
Jake :it was
she's turning it around well
Self Deprecation
Weetabix :Paula?
Jake :what?
Weetabix :Paula "I love the yellow... for the sun!"
Jake :Paula hurts me
It was "performance" terrible
Weetabix :She looks like a camp counselor who never shaves her legs
Jake :but the singing was good
that whole exchange was as awkward as the performance
Weetabix :Again, I think America wants a slightly dorky idol.
Jake :she has a wonk eye!
Weetabix :Does she?
Jake :yes
Weetabix :I haven't noticed it!
Which eye?
Jake :first the shoes, now the wonk eye
I've picked her as my idol
but man
MAN
Weetabix :burn, Jake. BURN.
Jake :douche up next
Weetabix :he is NOT A DOUCHE!

DAVID COOK

Weetabix :RROOOO ROOO!
did Ryan really just refer to that screaming bunch of tweens as "the mosh pit"?
Jake :yes, Oh god, He doesn't look humbled
Weetabix :the comb over is so not good
Jake :Oh god, White Snake?
Weetabix :and he's taking a Whitesnake version?!
Jake :I told you he was a douche
Weetabix :not a douche, just misguided
Jake :he's holding the guitar like it's his cock, look at my cock America
Weetabix :do boys normally strum their cocks?
I'm learning so much from you
Jake :no comment
Weetabix :OH MY GOD, oh my, uh
Jake :he's strumming his in front of an audience
Weetabix :he's doing the Peter Frampton thing
Jake :this is awful
Weetabix :where he talks into the mic?
I hate that
Jake :I bet you the band is, He's guitar syncing, that was horrible
Weetabix :he was earlier in the competition, he actually played a little solo, but otherwise, he wasn't really playing
Jake :does America really need another Nicklback knock off?
Weetabix :I thought it was enjoyable, but would have liked it more if I didn't know it was a Whitesnake homage
Jake :yay Simon!, I agree 100%
Weetabix :Simon just agreed with you! Dane did look a little smug.
Jake :he just winked at Simon
Weetabix :whoa, Ryan offered to grab Dane
Jake :Ryan just went for his cock!
Weetabix :Ryan needs to put his mouth on Dane's unit, ha! he needed Simon's buy in for the voicebox thing!
Jake :that's awesome, because Simon didn't get it
Weetabix :what do you think about the rock and roll t-shirt, the suit vest and then the leather jacket?
Jake :with epilauts
too much
Weetabix :I don't like the vest
Jake :you don't wear a skinny tie AND a leather jacket with a vest and jeans
Weetabix :I didn't see the skinny tie
I was distracted by all the hoyay
as one is
Jake :true
anyway, when his hairline finally receeds too far to comb over and his chins drop
I'm sure he'll still be rocking
Weetabix :you're just hating
Jake :it's true
I hate the playah
not the game
Jake : Pickler?
Weetabix :ugh
Jake :Did she win last year?
Weetabix :no, and it was two years ago, she haunted us for weeks. she's a hick. a red neck. And she's awful.
Jake :what is Paula talking about? reverse shots?
Weetabix :I totally don't have any idea what she's talking about.
Jake :Neither do I

CARLY SMITHSON

Weetabix :I enjoy Carly's eyebrows
Jake :Black Irish! and then he forgot her name! You're the next Kelly C! Who are you again?
Weetabix :HA! She's singing Blackbird! I enjoy this song. because I grew up with Hippies.
She's got a very Sarah MacLachlan vibe going
Jake :oh her voice is good, her tattoo is awesome
Weetabix :I rated her low in my pool picks, because I think she's going to be the heartbreak cut way too early. but really, she's must amazing
Jake :she really was
Weetabix :holy shit! Her husband's face is tatted!
Jake :that was absolute awesome! I saw that! I'm so jealous of tattoos
Weetabix :you should get some of those nylon sleeve things
that's what Brad Pitt wears in Oceans 11, 12, and 13. I love this! This performance is amazing.
Jake :she's perfect
Weetabix :Simon touched his nipples!
Jake :I think Simon is afraid of his emotions
Weetabix : Simon thinks the song is indulgent?
Jake :Simon is crazy. Carly's husband? He's all Maori warrior! the husband had tribal tattoos on his face
Weetabix :I would never ever tattoo my face!
holy crap, she tattooed 7 on her finger!
Jake :she tattoed her number?
Weetabix :what is she going to do when it gets down to 6? It's also season seven so it still works
but even if she becomes a Who in five years (Justin Guarini anyone?) it's not like a random 7 is a big deal


COMMERCIALS
Weetabix : Ok, I may have to take my niece to see Nim's Island. Gerard Butler is hawt
Jake :I'm sure he'll be shirtless
Weetabix :and I'll bet that he's not wearing a shirt in a lot of the shots
jinx
Jake :indeed
Weetabix :I sat through 300 because a shirt never touches the man through the entire movie
Jake :I liked 300. THIS IS AMERICAN IDOL! Instead of “this is Sparta”?
The moment of truth is awful looking
Weetabix :that woman has to be a plant, come on, the guido boyfriend?
Jake :more so than an intelligence test admined by foxworthy

JASON CASTRO
Jake :He's also a douche
Weetabix : also a douche, agreed, Oh, fuck no, not Michelle
Jake :I hate the song choice
Weetabix :he's got an iPhone
Jake :they all probably got them, the swag is probably amazing
Weetabix :I sort of love that Ryan pulled out the French.
I hate Jason Castro
Jake :as do I
Weetabix :Seething white hatred. I think I hate him more than I don't like Kristy Lee Cook
Jake :clap if you want a Ford Focus
I would like a stage light to fall on him
I would like to see brains and bone on the stage
Weetabix :the stupid eyebrows make me insane
wow, you're feeling very... non zen tonight
I love that some audience wrangler pulled the three girls with Jason signs up to the front
"No, you! come up here!"
Jake :that or to have his dreadlocks stuck in the van door, only the driver is listening to Tupac and drags him all the way home, on his face, and he's got bloody stumps
Weetabix :that would definitely make headlines
Jake :I mean he'd get the pity vote as well
Weetabix :that he would
that one girl, the blonde in the leopard? She looks about 40.
Jake :yeah
Weetabix :that's inappropriate Jason Castro love
Jake :Paul is pissed because he wasn't singing to/about her
Weetabix :I think he grew the locks to distract from his beak
Jake :he's totally obnoxious, they just musiced the judges off the stage
Weetabix :that's because the Judges are all taking brown acid tonight, but Simon's right.. Jason kind of can't sing. He's just got charm.

COMMERCIALS
Weetabix :I find Donald Sutherland's voice very soothing, talking to me about the orange juice in my life, he's almost but not as good as Gene Hackman or Lily Taylor
Jake :it's so true! I would like him to be my on hold voice. your call is very important
Weetabix :. oooh, that would be good, I would actually like Emma Thompson to be mine
Jake : Ooooh! That's aweesome
Weetabix :can you imagine singing your voicemails to Emma Thompson?
Jake :I now want her
Weetabix :you can't have her, she's mine
Jake :damn it!
Weetabix :I'll consider trading if you trade me your dream bassist for your fantasy band.
Jake :no deal! Kim Deals is all mine
Weetabix :YES! DEAL! well, then no Thompson. I'll bet Lea Thompson is free
Jake :I still have Barry Humphries to leave my thank you notes, I'll get by
Poor Lea Thompson, she lost out on the earings and also, the career

SYESHA MERCADO
Weetabix :ROOOO ROOO! Oh Syesha, whom I totally forgot about
Jake :that's a much better look for sayesha
Weetabix :! oh, you're just saying that because of the boobs
Jake :also, she loves the punch out earring, I like boobs
enjoy because she's going to be gone this week
Weetabix :she hasn't even sung yet! you can't just call that before she even sings!
Jake :I call it!
Weetabix :I'm holding out hope that it will continue to be Kristy Lee Cook!
Jake :damn
Weetabix :oh man, not Yesterday
Jake :that's a good song
Weetabix :I was hating on this song last week
Jake :America will respond well
Weetabix :I used to love it to death when I was a kid
Jake :I feel dirty
Weetabix :I had it taped on my little hand held tape recorder, that I taped off of our Volvo's cassette deck because it was our only other tape player, and my mom's boyfriend wouldn't let me take his cassette to school
Jake :this is bad, i'm glad I called it
Weetabix :no, the performance isn't good, I think the cleavage will save her
Jake :it might
Weetabix :cleavage versus legs, the cleavage always wins, it's like rock paper scissors, T, A and legs
Jake :this is painful, I mean Dreadlock McDouche did better, and I wanted him to be killed by a prop
Weetabix :that was not a good note
wow, Randy liked it?
Jake :what? he liked the boobs
Weetabix :Seriously, dub to the Tee to the EFF?
Jake :the only thing I would work on is LEARNING TO SING
Weetabix :Simon thinks it's her best performance!
Jake :I don't understand?
Weetabix :Wow, he thinks Brooke should have sung this? that's a pretty good call
I agree with him, it was a much better song than Here Comes the Bloody Sun

CHICKEZE!
Jake :yay
Weetabix : Oh yes, last week's argyle! that was a good week. did I ever tell you that I once made a pilgrimage to John Lennon's death site? I must have told you that when we were in NYC last year
Jake :No, no you did not
Weetabix :it is true
Jake :I'm not familar with this song
Weetabix :my Tivo freaked out so I don't know what this song is, or even what the title is
Jake :something about seeing a face
Weetabix :seriously, I think he's playing good game by picking all of these songs that no one has ever heard of, OH YES! I do know this one, wait, and now it's changing up? and there's harmonica?
Jake :oh god
Weetabix :weird! I kind of like Chickeze!
Weetabix :I like it more than David Archuleta
Jake :he sounds like Guster
Weetabix :I like Guster too, so take that with a grain of salt
Jake :the change up was strange, I like Guster
Weetabix :it was abrupt
Jake :I did not like the shift, it should have all been like the back end
Weetabix :but I like the song overall. It was a good performance. he has charisma!
More charisma than Jason Fucking Castro
Jake :true, I agree with Randy
Weetabix :why does Simon always stare off into the audience?
Jake :I will have to break out the FUBU
Weetabix :Hmmm, Randy thinks he should sing fast more often, while Paula thinks his ballads are lovely
Jake :he did both and I agree with Simon about the bad harmonica. it was schizophrenic, it was gimmicky
Weetabix :Agreed, it wasn't as good as last week, and it was gimmicky, but I just don't care. I still liked it.
Jake :I liked the achy breaky part, I liked the second half

RAMIELE MALUBAY
Jake :I liked her last week, the judges, did not
Weetabix :Brooke could swallow her whole! Brooke is a giantess next to Ramiele!
Jake :I know
Weetabix :bad first note and I hate her outfit
Jake :she should have known better to sytle herself better, this is bad
Weetabix :seriously, she looks about 2 feet tall, it's not good
Jake :heee, she did the Asian Hooker walk!
Weetabix : and you would know what that is because....?
Jake :i have been to Asia, many places in Asia… all the hookers walk the same… and they drive mopeds
Weetabix :maybe it's the tall shoes? and the short legs?
Jake :I think that has something to do with it
Weetabix : lower center of gravity, that kind of thing
Jake :see, now this conversation is far more interesting than Ramiele's performance
Weetabix :this is true, and very telling, Randall says it's a'iight though, and Paula thinks it was better than last week
Jake :I disagree
Weetabix :but is remaining silent about what she's wearing
Jake :last week I liked, this week, I would rather talk Asian hookers
Weetabix :well, that's hard to compete with, most of our elected officials would also rather talk Asian hookers

RECAP
Weetabix : who do we think is going?
Jake :Rogue was forgettable and bad, I did not mind Cook
Weetabix :they keep showing KLC at the worst angles
Jake :in retrospect, Archuleta was bad
Weetabix :I think David Archuleta is safe, same with Michael Johns In My Pants
Jake :bad lipsycing, it might hurt him but I liked him
Weetabix :I don't think anyone else noticed it, except you could see it in the recap
Jake :Brooke is going to win this
Weetabix :Brooke is safe, for certain, Dane Cook is safe too
Jake :god, I want to punch him in the face, and then degrease my hand, with Dove
Weetabix :seriously, though, the hair is going to start turning me off very quickly
Carly was so awesome
Jake :she was
Weetabix :she's my favorite of the night
Jake :my favorite of the night… heee!
Weetabix :jinx! I would like to similarly punch Jason Castro
Jake :I think he was taped? there was no bulge in that unfortunate camera angle
Weetabix :Syesha was kind of forgettable
Jake :Syesha was awful… She should go but I think Cleavage will save her
Weetabix :Chikeze basically did the same performance as last week
Jake :Chickeze will be safe at least another week
Weetabix :agreed on the cleavage defense… I fear for Ferocia
Jake :I think bottom 3 for Ramiele
Weetabix :that's probably a safe bet
Jake :I'm going with her or Rogue
Weetabix :my idea bottom three would be (sniff) Ramiele, Amanda and Kristy
Jake :I think so
Weetabix :but Syesha could be in there too… tough one! What will you do, America? What will you do? So, any closing thoughts?
Jake :Uh, I liked Blackbird
Weetabix :heee! Agreed!

WEETAPIDOL LIKES BLACKBIRD! OUT!

Top 12 Results!

Too bad, so sad, David Hernandez! America has spoken and Ryan is undoubtedly crestfallen.

As of tonight's show's airing, these are the pool picks and scoring thus far:


Tied for first place with 13 points: Wendi, Kim, Kelly S, Weet
Tied for second with 12 Points: Mopie, Martha, Kelly, Stacey, Xaan, Carlywei and Jake
Tied for third with 11 Points: Pushca and Gila
Coming up strong: Eden and Shmuel, each with 9 points, and Shari with 8 points

Just for fun, and because I'm a dork when it comes to spreadsheets, I calculated the averages for everyone's pick and collectively, we predict the following rankings for this season:

1. David Archuleta
2. David Cook
3. Carly Smithson
4. Brooke White
5. Michael Johns
6. Jason Castro
7. Ramiele Malubay
8. Syesha Mercado
9. Amanda Overmeyr
10. Chickeze Eze
11. Kristy Lee Cook
12. David Hernandez

Wow, as a hive mind, we're totally accurate! I suspect that Chickeze's average is lower than it would have been if folks had picked after Beatles' night, but eh, America has a short attention span.

Like last year, if you still want to play but couldn't get your picks in before the results show, you can still play along, but you just won't earn any points this week. Last year, a Fashionably Late entrant almost swept the pool, so you're definitely still in the game!

Top 12: and the real reason no one likes Sarah Chalke

Pie is going to be busy for a few weeks so we asked our friend Jake to fill in for Weetapidoling (thus preventing an epic soliloquy from Weetabix on Simon's nipples next week). We gave him a soft introduction to the rigors of liveblogging by doing a threesome, which made syncing up our Tivos strangely complicated and thus, hilarity ensues off the bat. Trial by fire, yes, but Weetapidol waits for no man.


Jake : Hello
Weetabix : I'm paused right after Ryan comes on... he's in a spotlight after the word NOW
Pie : okay, give me a minute. my husband is being stubborn with the TV
Weetabix : tell Ian there are matters of state involved. He knows it's Weetapidol night!
Pie : Ryan just said "lights"
Weetabix : you are ahead of us!
Pie : I paused right after "hi Ricky"
Weetabix : pause!
Pie : can we all get to "hi Ricky"?
Weetabix : at the end of his talk after the credits?
Jake : who is Ricky?
Weetabix : I'm not there yet
Pie : Ricky is holding a guitar or something, Ricky is a man in the sky
Weetabix : oh, a band member. a new set!
Pie : this is already surreal
Weetabix : for America! hold on, I'm still getting there! stay paused! both of you!
Pie : ok! ok!
Jake : I'm at created by simon fuller and some blow job faced bitches. wait, am I allowed to say that?
Pie : that could be any moment in this entire show
Weetabix : ok! I'm paused at Hi Ricky. you, miss live viewing, way jumped ahead
Pie : I, unfortunately, have a husband who decided he needed to see the end of Intervention
Jake : nygel lythgo does so you think you can dance
Weetabix : well, Ian has needs too
Jake : your husband needs an intervention wait, am I allowed to say that?
Pie : sure. if you say my husband is a blow-job faced bitch, that's when we'll start having problems.
Weetabix : children, do I have to turn around this liveblog?
Jake : okay, noted. new set america? I can't find ricky. who is ricky?
Weetabix : I'm so glad that we're watching this with commercials because I can't handle syncing this up every break
Pie : yes, I saw this coming. (that's what she said)
Weetabix : Jake, it's less than 3 minutes into the show, right after the credits
Jake : yay! I found ricky
Weetabix : ok go!
Pie : EVERYONE GO! why the hell is Ryan wearing this three-piece suit?
Jake : I feel sorry for Ricky
Weetabix : wait until the empathy for Ryan Seacrest sets in. That's when you know you have an empty life.
Pie : let's not dwell on Ricky or his plight
Weetabix : I do not endorse referring to the band's stand as a penthouse
Jake : is the coke thing new? I thought Paula got drunk. Is there rum in that coke?
Weetabix : the coke thing? You mean the sponsor? Or the general party trick?
Pie : there is possibly LSD in that coke.
Jake : do they not like each other?
Weetabix : Oooh, Simon's wearing a white button down
Pie : Ramiele looks so tiny! she's like a miniature little person!
Jake : Hey! It's an xman! aparantly she gave up her xgene to sing!
Weetabix : are you making a comic book/Rogue joke?
Jake : Yes, is that not allowed?
Weetabix : bringing in the geek demographic. I approve.
Jake : because blow job face ok, comic book not ok? okay
Weetabix : OMG, the Lennon McCartney songbook? I think I may projectile vomit
Jake : Jesus, they have to tell us who the beatles are? I fear for the fate of our nation
Weetabix : which Beatle is your favorite?
Pie : I need to go to Wikipedia. who are these Beatles people? Ringo!
Weetabix : you spelled it wrong, Mo, it's Beetles, isn't it?
Pie : Ringo is my total favorite. he played the Mock Turtle in Alice in Wonderland.
Weetabix : Ringo? I don't know you!
Jake : not John Lennon. I can't spell the other one
Pie : Ian is incredulous that they are explaining the Beatles.
Weetabix : I'm all Paul, all the time, even though he now looks like Dame Edna. George? Is that hard to spell?
Jake : I don't like George Harrison. though Piggy's is a favorite song
Weetabix : he's dead
Jake : What does Randy bring to the table?
Weetabix : Randy is all bloob bloob bloob
Pie : Paula's first incoherent babble of the night!
Weetabix : "These songs are full of melody."
Jake : Ha
Pie : "Sing it straight... and change it up." Thanks for the sage words of wisdom, Paula.
Jake : why do they hate each other?
Pie : who, the judges?
Weetabix : because they've been stuck sitting together behind a table for what, seven years?
Jake : Simon and Ryan
Pie : oh, they flirt.
Weetabix : because they are lovers. In my head.

SYESHA MERCADO
Jake : those earrings taunt me. she can find the lost arc with those
Weetabix : they are like big gold filigree nipples
Jake : or maybe a record contract, but only at 3pm
Weetabix : again the geek boy demographic comes into play. Jake, you're bringing a lovely facet to the Weetapidol experience
Pie : I don't know this song. "Got to get You Into My Life"?
Weetabix : yes you do. just wait. it's later Beatles… oh, I'm wrong. It's mid-Beatles. Why doesn't she pull up her shirt?
Pie : I enjoy her shiny outfit; I don't know this song'; her voice is off
Jake : different earrings, same type though
Pie : Ian says, simply, "No."
Weetabix : love ME America! HERE IS MY SHOULDER!
Jake : she could headline Sausalito
Pie : I do enjoy her shoulder. it is enticing me. her voice is... what is the opposite of enticing. de-ticing?
Weetabix : unticing
Pie : I think she could get voted off. song is not memorable and she wasn't all that. the shoulder is no Haley Scarnato's legs.
Jake : I'm sensing a I work as talent at a local theme park vibe from this performance
Weetabix : her earring motif is repeated in the necklace
Jake : that was a terrible arrangement. she punched out the necklace from the earings
Weetabix : it really was Sausalito. That was a good call! Do you think she has to hit her mark, which is off to the side so as to not obscure the AI logo?
Jake : It hough paula would be crazy not delusional. Simon is crazy. I thought he was the voice of reason
Weetabix : he wants to put his penis into her earring
Jake : and into Ryan's mouth?
Pie : well sometimes he praises people so as not to encourage people to feel sorry for them and vote for them. he toys with Ryan
Weetabix : he normally is, but last week, he told Asia'h that she did well enough to get into the Top 12, which she did not
Pie : really he wants to put his penis into the young hot chicks
Jake : do we vote?
Weetabix : I enjoy Syesha's eyebrows. I will say that.
Pie : also he has a million-dollar car, apparently. so it won't go in very far.


COMMERCIALS

Jake : chikeasy?
Weetabix : Oh Ferocia, you're so much better than that
Jake : heh
Weetabix : So, now that we're in the break, we should probably explain why Jake is guest starring this week
Jake : because you need the geek vote? you want to mix it up? you have to watch intervention next week?
Weetabix : we jumped the shark and you're our Cousin Oliver
Jake : Hah! I'll have to get a bowl cut
Pie : I thought of him more as Chrissy from Growing Pains. or an afro
Weetabix : I had stopped watching Growing Pains at that point
Jake : I never watched it. Allen Thicke frightened me
Pie : Allan Thicke is a frightening man. yet I always found him kind of sexy in a father-I-never-had sort of way. have I said too much?
Weetabix : um, you had a father? What? Allen Thicke was into younger girls. I believe that he dated Molly Ringwold at one point.
Jake : you should add that to his Wikipedia page because then it becomes truth
Pie : who is this Jake person? all I see here is me and Wendy and Cousin Oliver.
Weetabix : I have no interest in watching the Horton movie. I feel compelled to announce that

CHICKEZE
Weetabix : I'm loving the argyle!
Pie : I love his argyle sweater, I will say it right the hell now.
Jake : he is wearing argyle to get the Weetabix vote
Weetabix : YAY Argyle!
Pie : Cousin Oliver, we are very pro-argyle.
Weetabix : wait, he worked at LAX?
Jake : I wonder how many vibrators he's destroyed?
Weetabix : omg, we may have seen Chickeze! out in the field?! somehow I find that really exciting. early buzz is that Chickeze's performance is awesome
Jake : Nell Carter! His mom is Nell Carter! He probably knows a Lawrence
Pie : spoiler alert! this is about to be awesome!
Weetabix : I really like the whole Bible Salesman outfit that ryan's wearing tonight. I don't think I know this one
Pie : I don't know "She's a Woman" either. Ian says its a good choice.
Jake : I don't either
Pie : there is a guy with a banjo in the band.
Weetabix : there should be a banjo in EVERY band
Pie : okay, hooray for the banjo and the fiddle. I embrace this.
Weetabix : Chickeze's got fire in the background!
Jake : the irony is that the white guys are playing
Weetabix : yes this is awesome. why is that ironic? explain please
Pie : I enjoy Chickeze's sweat band watch
Jake : the blues, etc
Weetabix : I would never have picked this out as a Beatles song in a million years
Pie : I don't think the Beatles sang the blues
Weetabix : it's a Beatles song, though! The Beatles were white?
Jake : I would never know this was the blues, exactly
Pie : "she loves you yeah yeah yeah.. and then she leaves you yeah yeah yeah...."
Jake : it's actually good
Weetabix : He's totally got some Chris Lights! that's really what Rocky Raccoon was all about… the blues, mama, the blues
Jake : He made it his own, and he really did well
Weetabix : that was pretty awesome! that's not just the argyle talking either
Pie : Randy is totally into it.
Jake : I agree
Weetabix : I'm downloading that from iTunes. I'm telling you right now. I downloaded Hello from last week and I'm downloading this!
Pie : Paula is high again. Still. More.
Weetabix : uh, it's called "bluegrass" Paula not "o brother where art thou vibe" she's a musician by trade, right? yay Simon loved it!
Jake : she is kind of, not crazy but not right
Weetabix : delusional, is usually our consensus
Jake : yes
Weetabix : yay Chickeze!
Pie : wow, Chickeze is staging a comeback for sure... he seemed like cannon fodder. I will have to see where I put him in my blog picks and reassess.
Weetabix : ok, Ryan is freaking me out
Pie : what the fuck is wrong with Ryan?
Jake : he is pulling the preacher vibe
Weetabix : I'm afraid he's going to go in for the chest bump
Pie : you saw the Bible salesman thing coming.
Jake : LORD, come on up in this house. you did, good call
Pie : Ian wants to know if we can vote Ryan off.
Weetabix : it's never worked so far, but tell him to dial!
Pie : I've never seen him lose his shit that much over a performance in seven years. ever. ever.
and ha!
Weetabix : no, not even when there are shoes involved

RAMIELE (FEROCIA) MALLASOMETHING
Jake : wouldn't it be awesome if Chickeasy goes home?
Weetabix : I heart Ferocia
Jake : this is bizarre. I've dated a lot of Asians, and they all have those couches and that tile. I wonder why?
Pie : listen, Oliver. don't jinx the man with the argyle.
Weetabix : maybe he's the anti-jinx
Pie : "In My Life"! I like this song. It is pretty.
Weetabix : like you were doing last year with Lakisha. Oh yes! That's a great song. she's singing it for Emo Muppet!
Jake : wait, what song is this?
Pie : she is making a fakey fake face into the camera
Weetabix : In My Life
Pie : Ian says she is giving him goosebumps, "and it's not even good."
Weetabix : there are waving arms in the audience. I enjoy her lip gloss. I wave my arms for her lipgloss.
Pie : her lip gloss is so Asian.
Jake : there is a light behind her saying wave your arms if you want a Ford Fusion
Pie : hee
Weetabix : I love this! I love FEROCIA! I however do not love that white belt.
Jake : she is very good. she could have a career in Saipan right now
Weetabix : that was thoroughly enjoyable.
Pie : that was a very good performance. the Idols are invigorated right now!
Weetabix : I hope there's a house/trance week and she does DJ Sammy's Heaven
Pie : I love the little white fold-down triangles on her dress.
Weetabix : it looks like a Chloe Dao prom dress
Jake : sick burn
Weetabix : oh no, kiss of death from Paula! "You look pretty!"
Jake : I'm confused, I thought it was better than the first girl
Weetabix : I thought so too
Pie : "the whole world needs to see what we hear"-- I was typing it as Simon was mocking it.
Weetabix : ha! I love that Simon is taking her to task! her meaning Paula, not Ferocia
Pie : Ferocia needs to lay off the pouty face
Weetabix : yes, that was not attractive. shades of emo muppet
Pie : that is ridiculous. I will vote off your pouty face right now.
Jake : it's right after the orgasm they had from Chickeasy
Weetabix : it's true. It was hard to follow Chickeze

COMMERCIALS
Jake : I have something for your culinary companion
Weetabix : you do? tell me
Jake : preheat oven to 425, open pizza box, insert onto rack
Weetabix : lovely. that's really special making
Jake : cook 12 minutes, enjoy
Weetabix : or, just order it from papa johns!
Jake : David Archeleta is from Utah, He is going to win. Utah represents in text voting competitions. it's because we can vote from our cars
Weetabix : actually, he's very good
Pie : David Archuleta will win for many reasons. but I enjoy yours.
Jake : aparantly there will be reactions after the show
Weetabix : so, weirdness? I can smell yeasty baking bread except we haven't made bread in the house in at least a week.
Jake : uh oh
Weetabix : so now I'm wondering, is something weird rotting that smells delicious?
Jake : there are so many places to go but I value my life too much
Weetabix : hahaha, yes, that there are, and you're wise I may demand that the Captain make some rolls, though, if I keep smelling it, because seriously, hot rolls? butter? honey? Orgasm. And we're back!

JASON CASTRO
Pie : ROOO RRRRROOOO
Jake : I do not like Ryan
Weetabix : the eyebrows haunt me
Jake : Oh jesus, a white kid with dreadlocks
Weetabix : he's such a douche
Jake : he is
Pie : aw, I think he's kind of sweet. I will stand up for you, Jason Castro!
Weetabix : you go for that!
Pie : I will sit back down for you, Jason!
Weetabix : ha!
Pie : he's singing "If I Fell"
Jake : it was either this or peace corps
Weetabix : he's smart not to sing Yesterday
Jake : douche with a guitar!
Weetabix : oh, not good, yes, my theory is that he learned to play in order to get laid
Jake : he's undressing me with his eyes
Weetabix : we all do
Jake : this is awful. he's smirking
Pie : if I were in a coffee shop, I would love this.
Jake : how can you smirk sing If I Fell
Weetabix : is the stage supposed to be the Hollywood Bowl? it looks like a giant yoni
Jake : he will get many votes
Pie : Jason and his eyebrows can smirk-sing anything.
Jake : because his voice cracks at pain and look where that got Dashboard
Weetabix : yes, it got them right inside any pants they so wanted
Jake : clap your hands if you want a Ford Fusion
Weetabix : god, I am really developing a dislike for Mr. Castro
Jake : that was awful, the soy sauce girl was far better. Randy’s got into Paula's stash. Even bandit is annoyed
Weetabix : Paula wants to fuck him. "I feel your heart!"
Jake : well, his voice did crack
Weetabix : blah blah blah go down on me Jason
Jake : by er uh heart, she means COCK
Pie : if by "heart" you mean "cock" then yes, heh
Weetabix : jinx!
Jake : that's the most lucid she's been the whole night
Pie : it is the lucidity of her lust
Weetabix : he wasn't incredible last week! He was awful! He took the most beautiful song and turned it into an abortion.
Jake : what did he sing last week?
Weetabix : Simon nailed it, it was the song that made it special last week, Jeff Buckley's Hallelujah
Jake : Oh, that would have worked well
Weetabix : it did. wait, what is going on with Ryan and Simon? there were eyebrows that were not involving Jason Castro
Jake : and convincing us they hate each other because thier love would lose too many viewers

COMMERCIALS
Weetabix : when do the idols start making their Ford commercial? is that tomorrow on the results show?
Pie : I think so
Weetabix : they are so adorably cheesy that I miss them
Jake : they make commericals? I love the coke music
Weetabix : I don't even know which song it is
Jake : from the movie preview, MGMT, it's old. Time to Pretend

RRROOOOO!
Pie : CARLY SMITHSON WHO I LOVE SO MUCH.
Weetabix : I love CARLY's dress thingy
Jake : I like her tattoo… her make up is--unflattering for her
Pie : I am bumping her from runner up in my pool, though. I think she's going to break my heart this year. I think Brooke will be the runner up.
Weetabix : wait, they have apartments now? I thought they were always all in a big house?
Jake : Irish! that rocks. I love her
Weetabix : she is pretty awesome, but I agree. I think she's going to be the shocker, OH MY GOD! do you know where she works?
Pie : did we go there? in San Diego?
Weetabix : that's the bar we had breakfast at in San Diego! YES!
Jake : it is
Weetabix : we went there twice!
Pie : "it goes down a treat" says Carly.
Jake : interesting choice of songs. I actually hate thi song
Weetabix : she's doing the poop posture, which is not to be confused with vaginal exam posture, slightly different
Jake : she almost fellated that microphone
Weetabix : that's the midnight performance
Jake : I'm not feeling this
Pie : this song isn't doing anything for me... I think maybe I just don't like this song. her voice is powerful, but... yeah, I agree with Ollie.
Weetabix : I agree. It's not my favorite song.
Jake : her stance is off putting
Weetabix : I don't actually get the words. Is someone inviting the listener to have a threesome with them? or that the singer wants to watch? I'm befuddled.
Pie : I love her outfit, I have decided.
Weetabix : yes, I agree. the outfit is awesome. The song? not so much.
Jake : that was awful
Pie : maybe I am the Paula in this situation, and I am blinded by kind of wanting to have sex with her.
Jake : I would have sex with her but she doesn't have to sing
Weetabix : Paula's doing drunky clap
Jake : the judges are crazy
Pie : no, I don't think they are--I think that was technically very very good.
Jake : I disagree
Weetabix : I just wasn't feeling it, dawg
Jake : are they setting her up to fail?
Weetabix : he winked at her!
Pie : Simon winked at her! oh, she is going to break. my. heart. in the shocker elinination of the season.
Weetabix : he also wants to fuck her!
Jake : He wants to come together with her and Ryan
Weetabix : oh, I kind of want that too. I would cosign that action
Jake : O live Eleanore Rigby
Weetabix : that sounds like the beginning of a poetic lament
Pie : Ian is doing a dinosaur impersonation
Weetabix : because.....
Jake : like Denver?
Pie : oh, I'm sorry, it turns out it was a Jesus rising from the dead impersonation.
Weetabix : because.... easter?
Pie : which is easily confused with dinosaur. yes!
Weetabix : well, they're both extinct
Pie : hahaha sorry, Jesus!
Jake : Not in the midwest
Weetabix : I hate Applebees
Jake : But it's Wanda Sykes
Weetabix : no, it wasn't. it was Chris in the Morning
Jake : The Dyson vacuumed frightens me
Weetabix : like, I find it emblematic of what is wrong with America's diet, I sort of love the Dyson commercials. It's a lot of what I do during the day as a problem solver
Pie : I fucking love my fucking Dyson, as I have a very sheddy giant dog.
Weetabix : ROOO ROOO!

DAVID (DANE) COOK
Weetabix : seriously, tragic combover
Jake : another douche
Pie : also, Dane Cook is hot.
Jake : I'm surpised he doesn't have a flavor saver, oh wait, he does
Weetabix : . I'm ok with Dane. He's won me over
Pie : Ryan is whispering sweet nothings into Simon's ear
Weetabix : Wait, Simon! Ryan! WHAT?!
Jake : his premature balding hiding haircut works for him
Weetabix : I'm not a fan of Eleanor Rigby, in general
Jake : I like the song, not this version
Pie : I don't know this song but I know I want to have all the sex with Dane Cook.
Jake : Stained covers Revolver
Weetabix : I don't want to have the sex with Dane Cook at all (well, the real one, sort of ). he hasn't won me over that much but BOY look at the Chris Lights in action there!
Jake : you like the frat boys
Weetabix : I do, and rough trade
Jake : He kind of is both
Pie : hahaha
Weetabix : We are being urged by the powers that be to vote for Dane Cook
Pie : that is the funniest thing I have ever heard
Weetabix : what is? the frat boy?
Pie : I do not mean to be meta, but man. it was the line "he kind of is both"
Jake : I want to punch him in the face
Weetabix : why does he have a car key on a necklace? what is up with that?
Jake : it's the key to his heart what? there are many horses?
Weetabix : I think its his ford fusion key
Pie : "there is more than one horse in this race" that Paula wants to ride, if you know what I mean.
Weetabix : Simon liked it. interesting
Pie : Simon said "you could win" and he certainly doesn't say that lightly
Jake : he looks like he smells funny
Pie : he is trying to derail the David Archuleta train
Weetabix : Ryan's right, the turning point was last week with that great version of Hello. That train may have left the station, two weeks in a row, Dane Cook has rocked the vote
Jake : that's not the kind of train ryan wants


COMMERCIALS
Jake : we come back to the low rent version of Rebeccah Gayheart, or maybe RG is trying to resurect her career
Weetabix : I thought she looked like... who was it, mo? Mia Farrow? do you know that mcdonald's burrito has more fat and calories than a Big Mac? they don't say it, but it's awful for you
Jake : really?
Weetabix : yes
Pie : yes, Mia Farrow. and I do not care for burritos.
Jake : they are good
Weetabix : that one. the regular breakfast burritos aren't bad. I enjoy burritos as a food genre


BROOKE WHITE
Pie : there is Ricky making another appearance
Weetabix : how does she has a utah connection?
Pie : Brooke is my chosen runner-up
Weetabix : what? are you ahead? we're seeing montage
Jake : yes
Pie : Ricky was before the montage
Weetabix : ah, ok, I missed Ricky
Pie : you just weren't paying attention
Weetabix : no, I often don't
Pie : "Let It Be" could be interesting
Weetabix : oh god, I'm afraid
Jake : it could be
Weetabix : I need someone to hold me
Jake : blech
Weetabix : this song? Gets stuck in my head for months
Jake : it's powerful or maybe I need to go to the bathroom
Weetabix : I do like her voice quite a bit, it's kind of hoarse
Pie : Brooke is performing the hell out of this. she's EMOTING the song. but not in a fakey way.
Jake : no, it's very good, she's too aware of the camera, it would be better if she just sang
Weetabix : did you see in the Weetapidol comments? She ripped off that performance of Pat Benetar from Pat's unplugged series
Pie : well Chris ripped off Live's "Walk the Line" and I don't care about that!
Weetabix : yes but he owned up to the fact that he ripped it off whereas she didn't
Pie : he owned up to it after he was called on it
Weetabix : although granted, Chris didn't own it until he got called on it Yes
Pie : I am feeling good about my placement of her in the pool, which is second place. Brooke is so top three, it's not even funny
Weetabix : I don't know. She's no Chickeze!
Jake : she should have sung Across The Universe
Pie : oh, that would have been great
Weetabix : that's true, though. she's totally and thoroughly not objectionable, she's attractive but not so attractive that you don't like her. She's not off putting.
Pie : she's cute, she sincerely looks like she's going to cry... "heartfelt" as Randy says.
Weetabix : she has Sephora's white eye liner on, which makes the tears really show up
Jake : I say third place. because I dislike her
Pie : "where America can feel your heart" in this case "heart" means "tits." if I'm reading Paula correctly
Weetabix : reading Paula is a bit like predicting the weather. There's an art to it. I agree with Simon, though, she supercedes karaoke
Pie : is she barefoot? oh, that's precious.
Weetabix : aw, Ryan let her use Dunkleman!
Jake : she's barefoot! she is dead to me
Weetabix : oh my god, I didn't notice that, I now loathe her BAREFEET! God, they made sure that it was on camera!
Pie : Dunkleman has been baptized in the tears of Brooke!
Pie : Ryan is going to put on her shoes!!! shoes!!
Weetabix : SHOES!!!
Pie : Ryan's foot fetish rides again!!!
Weetabix : ha! I enjoy that the judges are calling him on the shoe fetish!
Jake : that's amusing
Weetabix : she's not even vote pandering because she knows that she's bank

COMMERCIALS
Weetabix : it's the wine, that's what smells yeasty
Jake : uh huh
Weetabix : I just figured it out
Jake : I have heartburn from the Kahlua
Pie : I am drinking pumpkin beer, homemade by a student at the University of Colorado who is very nice. shoutout to Stan!
Weetabix : Oh, the Captain just has been enjoying pumpkin beer this week, not made by Stan though
Jake : Did Sara Chaulke lose a bet?
Weetabix : heee! I kind of don't like her, it's not even fair, but I've never gotten over the distrust when she took over as Becky Conner on Roseann about a decade ago
Pie : I feel EXACTLY THE SAME WAY about Sarah Chalke! I mean I also hate Scrubs, but I totally resent her for being Becky on Roseanne.
Jake : She's going to be on How I met your Mother
Weetabix : really?! NOOOOOO! Please tell me that's not true! She will RUIN that show!
Pie : yes, she is replacing Alicia Silverstone, who dropped out when she was told she had to act with Britney Spears. who is going to be on the fucking show.


DAVID HERNANDEZ

Weetabix : I wish they would show the stripper pictures during one of these montages, Oh, early Beatles
Pie : is David Hernandez talking about working at a pizza place? is that code for Dick's strip club?
Weetabix : heee hee!
Jake : He has a very small mouth, no wonder they fired him
Pie : I love this song, but he sings like a stripper.
Jake : this is terrible
Weetabix : take off the vest, David! and then the tie!
Pie : and watch him make lewd faces. they are embarrassing. TAKE IT ALL OFF!
Jake : he has no charisma whatsoever
Weetabix : G-string for votes!
Pie : the hands are waving again. but this time they're holding dollar bills.
Weetabix : he's annoying, I did not enjoy that performance. I was bored.
Jake : that was bad. worst of the night . THUS FAR
Weetabix : maybe if I would have seen him take bills in his teeth
Jake : I thought you said balls and I choked a little bit
Weetabix : well, that too. that would have been entertaining. Look at David trying to butter up Paula with his "I love you too"
Jake : I agree with Simon
Pie : "corny, verging on desperate." do you think Simon spends the entire performance coming up with these perfect bon mots?
Weetabix : no, I think it comes automatically if you're a rich British person. Everyone but Prince Charles just pops them out over there
Pie : either you two are really funny or I'm really drunk. I am still lauhing at "balls in his teeth" and "everyone but Prince Charles"
Weetabix : oh my god, George Clooney and John Krasinski?! I may have to go see that and it's about football, which I enjoy. Because I like frat boys
Jake : I heard you ovulating over in my time zone
Pie : but Squintyface is in it! they are fighting over Squintyface!
Jake : over who has to take her
Weetabix : is Squintyface in it? I thought it was her, but I couldn't tell
she's getting unrecognizable. Like Meg Ryan.
Weetabix : oh my god, the Taco Bell comercial is total pornography
Jake : news at 10! tha'ts probably why it's not playing here
Weetabix : interesting, there's a lot of phallic items and stropey long strands of cheese hanging from mouths

AMANDA OVERMEYR
Jake : it's Rogue!
Pie : ha! now I get it
Weetabix : we call her Nurse Ratched
Pie : I didn't know what the hell you were talking about with Rogue
Weetabix : you have to think like a geek
Jake : she's trying too hard
Weetabix : she does, without all the stuff going on, she's actually very cute. The stuff makes her look so old!
Jake : of course she has a harley. Dont' they pick their own songs?
Weetabix : on Beatles week, does it make sense to pick a song you've never heard before? they are supposed to, yes
Pie : LOVE THE PANTS.
Jake : she's toast
Weetabix : really?
Jake : and also Janis Joplin
Pie : do I have to give my weekly speech about how I dislike her voice and don't understand why she's in the competition?
Weetabix : I think she speaks to a certain very defined segment of the audience though. she's memorable. yes, give the speech
Jake : she's a 45 year old barfly
Weetabix : it's always a little different
Jake : doing a song that no one has ever heard before
Weetabix : maybe because she doesn't want the comparison to actual musicians?
Pie : this is probably my favorite of her performances, but I think she's very one-note. and maybe that works for Janis Joplin, but it doesn't work for her. (I don't think Janis Joplin is one-note, just for the record.) (also, I want those pants)
Jake : I'm stumped. She has two dads,
Weetabix : like Stacy Keenan?
Jake : perhaps, her "mom" used to be a man
Weetabix : Paul Reiser and Greg something? interesting!
Jake : Simon is very bitchy
Weetabix : they showed someone in the audience and I feel like I should have known who it was, but I didn't

MICHAEL JOHNS (AKA AUSSIE IN MY PANTS!!!!)
Jake : wow, it's AMERICAN idol
Pie : if he lost the accent and got a flavor saver and a combover, he would be Dane Cook
Weetabix : sorry, welcome to Weetapidol, where it's all hormones. You're going to be menstruating by the time Mo gets back from hiatus. hmmmm
Jake : I'll stock up on pads. Oh
Weetabix : oh my god, this is one of my favorite Beatles songs!
Jake : this is my favorite Beatles song
Pie : oh god, I just had six orgasms
Jake : thank god I have a laptop on my lap
Pie : hahaha
Weetabix : heee! I love this very much
Jake : he's got a Josh Grobin vibe
Weetabix : nooooooo! do not label him a Grobin!
Jake : okay,
Pie : don't harsh my mellow
Weetabix : ok, I love him. yeah, Jake, way to bring the room down
Jake : I'd hate to be his wingman
Weetabix : are you kidding? Just the collateral damage alone would have you in phone numbers for months
Jake : only to talk about him
Pie : I have already downloaded this MP3
Jake : hah
Weetabix : "Did Michael say anything about me?"
Jake : Paula is crying
Pie : Paula disagrees with Randy's critique because she has A VAGINA.
Weetabix : "Did he mention me? Does he want me to suck his cock?"
Jake : exactly
Weetabix : yes, she knows because SHE IS A WOMAN. Hey, how far down is Simon's shirt unbuttoned?
Jake : more, they've undone
Weetabix : was it unbuttoned that low before Michael came out?
Jake : no. he got a little warm and by warm, I mean erect
Weetabix : I think it was a surreptitious unbutton during the bridge. "showing us all the textures of performance" ie "show me your cock".

KRISTY LEE COOK
Weetabix : AKA CANNON FODDER. gah, changing 8 Days A Week into a country song? I'm afraid. there are so many violins tonight
Jake : jesus
Pie : oh man, cannon fodder is right. this is tragic.
Jake : my heartburn is acting up
Weetabix : wow, this is amazingly bad, I want the front row to get up and start line dancing, just to illustrate how tacky this is
Pie : the arrangement is horrible. her jeans might be worse.
Jake : she's going to be stripping in three weeks
Weetabix : you don't think that tattered jeans goes well with a sequined tank top?
Pie : trainwreck. oh god. WHY ARE YOU SINGING THIS SO FAST!! she can get David Hernandez's old job.
Weetabix : now this? This could have been done as a very nice unplugged slow ballad. That would have been a nice change up, I'll bet Dane Cook could have rocked the emo out of this
Jake : wow, Hee Haw called, and would like to audition her, well said everyone
Pie : that is the worst response Paula has ever given... she didn't even throw out a "you look pretty" to soften the blow.
Jake : it was a total face
Weetabix : don't blame Kristy's tragedy on Simon, Ryan Seacrest! I love it when Ryan talks back at him, though, it's so saucy. You can tell Simon likes it too.

DAVID ARCHULETA
Weetabix : he's adorable. I want to protect him, it's instinctual
Pie : here is David Archuleta, your American Idol
Weetabix : they shouldn't start on the stairs, ooooh! he forgot the words! of the song that he loves! crash and burn!
Jake : he's not very good, why is he favored to win?
Weetabix : he's normally much better than this
Jake : this is bad
Pie : yeah, he is like a cute young lad who can sing
Jake : theme park was better
Weetabix : I honestly believe that Chris Daughtry was the chosen one until he pissed off America with his sunglasses, and then we were stuck with Taylor
Jake : he couldn't get anything but chorus with that, if it was a slow day
Weetabix : yeah, it was pretty bad, sing in Randall!
Jake : paula has made many mistakes
Weetabix : well, and the sky is blue.

RECAP

Weetabix : so, who is our pick to be kicked off tonight? I forgot about Syesha totally
Jake : Hee Haw
Weetabix : I think people will feel bad for her and she'll get sympathy votes
Jake : Chikesie was good
Weetabix : I'm predicting the Stripper Boy, I hope Ferocia is safe, I'm not ready for her to leave my pocket
Pie : Syesha is gone, as far as I'm concerned
Jake : I like Ramiele
Weetabix : oh god, stupid Jason Castro
Jake : Douchebag was bad, I forgot how bad
Weetabix : he definitely wasn't good
Jake : oh Irish
Weetabix : Carly seems much better in montage, oh Dane Cook!
Jake : yes totally, god he was awful
Weetabix : nooooo!
Jake : I still want to punch him in the face, her too (ed. Note: he’s talking about Brooke) with her no shoes. it should be between Hee Haw and the stripper, not that I liked Rogue
Weetabix : agreed
Pie : I think Oliver is right that Hee Haw will get the pity vote
Jake : she should totally suck the talent out of someone
Pie : I think it will be David Hernandez or Syesha who is gone.
Weetabix : interesting! I just saw your pool picks, Jake, I hope that you'll be entering the pool too!
Pie : I wrote a whole rationale yesterday for it
Jake : I will, now that I know who is who
Pie : but I'm glad I waited, because I had Chickeze last, and there's just no way he's going home.
Weetabix : no, definitely not after this week
Jake : yeah Theme Park is going home
Weetabix : I must also reevaluate my own selections, it's very ponderous

Weetapidol Out.