Thursday, April 09, 2009

Top 8: Messrs Roper and Furley... and a Time Machine

[Note: Weetabix did not have the first 37 minutes of the show taped, hence Pie’s over-describing what’s going on during said 37 minutes. And…we take you to our program, already in progress.]

Pie: So Ryan is being melodramatic as usual
and saying THIS is aMERICAN Idol. so not shocking, so far.
now are credits where they try to include as little of Taylor Hicks as humanly possible.
someone who looks like the corpse of Billy Corgan is sitting in the audience, staring ahead corpse-like, as the people around him clap.
theme is "songs from the year you were born"
so they are going to show contestant baby photos, and now they are introducing the judges with THEIR baby photos
Weetabix: this is going to make us feel really really fucking old
Pie: the judges are already seated, by the way
baby Randy has a little bow tie
baby Kara looks annoyed
Weetabix: people were probably already making Ione Skye comparisons
Pie: Ryan said she looks like she "just made a poopie"
Weetabix: if I were watching that, I would laugh, because all poop is funny
Pie: Paula has a ponytail and Simon is holding a toy gun
Weetabix: the word "poop" is fun
Pie: that is why I typed it for you, baby... although I do not find poop humorous
now they are going to show Ryan, who has tiny buck teeth
Paula is mocking him for looking like a bunny
Weetabix: considering how small Ryan is now, as a child, he must have been microscopic
Pie: he was wee, I am sure
what is up with that pissed off Billy Corgan guy? very weird.
Weetabix: he's now dating Tia Tequila
so maybe that's why he's pissed? Because it underlines what a sellout he is
Pie: yeah I saw that on Go Fug Yourself
Weetabix: I did too!
Pie: I remain confused by that coupling
Weetabix: It's sad that we get our major news breaks from Jessica and Heather


DANNY GOKEY, 1980
"Stand By Me"

Weetabix: so, I'm feeling much more kind toward Mr. Gokey now
because I found out that he's a Milwaukee boy
Pie: this song is a snoozer, though, Milwaukee boy or not
Weetabix: so far, yes, it does seem so
it's hard to make this your own, especially since it's from the 60's
Pie: this song is from 1980?
Weetabix: it was maybe a hit in 1980? or something?
Pie: weren't any fun 80s songs out yet? we just watched Top 100 One-Hit Wonders of the 80s, and it was full of awesome songs.
Weetabix: I hope, for your sake, that no one does Red Red Wine
Pie: THEY HAD BETTER NOT.
I already have bronchitis, I do not want to add UB40itis.
I will vote them off immediately.
Weetabix: will you vote them off with your TIME MACHINE?!
Pie: hee! yes. with my time machine that can vote people off this show.
Weetabix: please note that they had some mild Chris light action
Pie: noted.
Weetabix: what do the judges have to say?
Pie: Randy did not love the arrangement but loves some things about Danny
he called it a "vocal talent show"
Kara agrees, and is wearing the night sky
a midnight blue dress with sparkles
Weetabix: lovely!
Pie: Paula says "wow" and she likes the arrangement, and the bar is set high
Weetabix: high for Paula? Who is very short? that might only be 3 feet.
Pie: hee!
Simon said the beginning was good, the middle was lazy, the end was terrific, so overall great
Weetabix: I must tell you, reader, that I'm watching Mopie on video and she did not hee.
Pie: I did in fact hee
Weetabix: Now she did hee
Pie: every time I laugh I cough
Weetabix: awww.... poor Pie
Pie: so my laughter is on the inside… AS ARE MY TEARS
Weetabix: drink more cough syrup. Pretend that it is wine.


KRIS ALLEN, 1985
"All She Wants To Do Is Dance"

Pie: okay there is a Ryan Raps, with Castrochuleta
Weetabix: no fair, Castrochuleta doesn't deserve a Ryan Raps… DOES NOT DESERVE
I have unnecessary ire for Castrochuleta. I don't know why that is.
Pie: he is telling a story of how he got recognized by a fan who said "can you tell Adam I said hi?"
Weetabix: ha! see, that's charming.
Pie: he was born in 1985
Weetabix: I'm too hard on the boy
Pie: come on, man! FUN 80s SONG!
Weetabix: 1985? and with that, I hate him again
Pie: Castrochuleta wanted to be a taxidriver when he grew up
Weetabix: my little brother wanted to be a landlord
Pie: hee, this is funny. he wanted to be a taxi driver because he thought they traveled a lot, and then realized "they only travel in one city"
a landlord?
Weetabix: he had painter paints, which were his landlord pants, and he expected to carry around a hammer
Pie: hee!
Weetabix: yes, I don't know what his spectrum of reference was.
Pie: Mr. Roper and/or Furley.
Weetabix: well, and his dad. I think that was a lot of it.

Weetabix: I'm not sure how I feel about this song.
Pie: the problem with Castrochuleta is that his mouth goes lopsided when he sings...
this song is kind of crizzappy
Weetabix: I really really liked the Don Henley version, weirdly enough.
Pie: I mean I get that he's going for "groovy"
I think his voice is average
Weetabix: I didn't like Don Henley, though, as an artist until I saw him in person, opening for Sting at a Rainforest benefit concert
Pie: and then you liked him?
Weetabix: (I'm telling this anecdote because that performance was really subpar)
yeah, it turned out that he was actually quite delightful in concert and totally changed my mind about him as a performer

Pie: Kara is happy he picked an uptempo song for a change, but it felt "like jazz funk homework"
Weetabix: that's clever, Ione!
Pie: Paula thinks his "quiet faith is heartfelt" or something like that
she finds him likeable
so, faint praise
Weetabix: there are lots of likeable people that I don't want to hear singing
Pie: Simon says it was likeable but indulgent, boring, and forgettable.
he came across as a guitarist who wanted to sing, rather than a singer, and it was a "stupid song choice"
Weetabix: when it comes down to it, I haven't liked 80% of Castrochuleta's performance. And like Don Henley, I have nothing against him personally. Unlike Don Henley, he hasn't changed my opinion about him.
Pie: Randy agrees with Simon and says the arrangement overpowered him
Weetabix: Agreed, he seemed to be trying to keep up with it, rather than drive it.
Pie: yeah. I agree too. I like his spiky little hair though. he's like a sweet bland little musical kitten.


LIL ROUNDS, 1984
"What's Love Got To Do With It?"

Weetabix: doing TINA TURNER!!!! hells yes
Pie: her mom is saying Lil is her given name
they are pronouncing it "Lee-yull"
both Lil and her mom with their little southern accents. their lee-yull accents.
Weetabix: How can three letters have two syllables?
Pie: “Ian” does.
TOUCHE!
Weetabix: well, I can't really say anything... Wisconsinites give the word "No" two syllables too
Pie: yes for Tina!
Weetabix: I love that she's kind of trying to do the Tina Turner strut!
I love this song beyond reason
Pie: she has breath problems, though
Weetabix: I'm not sure about Lil's wig tonight… better than last week's though
Pie: yeah, but her voice is shaky
Weetabix: she does have weird breathing issues! Maybe she also has bronchitis
Pie: "what's love got to do wid' it?" hee.
she's just not as good as she should be on this song.
Weetabix: Agreed
Pie: she should be knocking this one out of the park
Weetabix: that note was really not good
and she's shouting, not singing
the "broken" at the end was indeed broken
Pie: yeah... wow, I really want her to be better.

Pie: Paula says she looks hot… so we all know where that's going
Weetabix: drink!
Pie: she thought it was important for Lil to prove herself as an artist, but she thinks she hasn't done it
Weetabix: that's pretty accurate, at least after that performance
Pie: although she said she is a "great vocalist" which I am thinking isn't even true
Simon says "we are not looking for a second or third rate Tina Turner, which is what that was"
Weetabix: oooh, sick burn
Pie: "ghastly copycat performance"
Simon is telling her she needs to show originality and not be karaoke
Randy says he loves her and she's "mad talented" but the other two are right
Kara is now saying superfluous things
Wait, Kara is saying her lower range suffers and she has to work on her lower range... wait, that was useful! I take it back.
Weetabix: that's actually more useful than Paula
Pie: Lil is saying she is going to show everyone her artistry next time, blah blah
Pie: I hope she does; I like her

ANOOP DESAI, 1986
“True Colors”

Weetabix: Aaaaanooooop!
Pie: Ryan Raps with Anoop
Anoop is dressed like a candy striper
Weetabix: and OFF COMES THE MOPIE BRA!!!
Pie: and I AM NOT EVEN DRUNK!
Anoop was born in 1986, same day as David Cook
Weetabix: interesting! and yet, they are so very different
Pie: "True Colors"… interesting choice!
Weetabix: oh, I love this song!!!
is this the one that we used to sing all the time on Karaoke Revolution?
Pie: I don't think so
Weetabix: No, that was "All Through The Night"
Pie: yes, that was it
Weetabix: well, and Kiss Me
Pie: this is pleasant, but in a Karaoke Revolution sort of way
come on over, Anoop. we'll break out the PS2 and sing the shit out of "Pieces of Me"
Weetabix: heee!
(Note per video, I did actually HEE)
I liked the softer part in the beginning, but then he sped it up and it got less special
Pie: this is a nice performance... it is not thrilling me or anything, but I like it.
Weetabix: but wow, loved the falsetto, actually
Pie: so far my favorite of the night
I did enjoy the falsetto
Weetabix: that's an easy call, yes

Pie: Randy said he pulled it back and it was impressive… "you can actually sing!"
Weetabix: One would hope, Randy… although Megan Joy couldn't sing and look how far she got
Pie: Kara admired his control of the song
Paula loved the song choice and phrasing… Paula: "you did show your true colors, just like a rainbow! fantastic!" Simon: "or a waterfall"
Weetabix: ha!
Pie: Simon liked it too, because he took it and made it his own
Weetabix: interesting! Go Anoop!
Pie: he liked that he took a girl's song and sang it, because that's a shorthand way to make it your own
Weetabix: I've often wondered about that
Pie: I am paraphrasing, but yeah…
Weetabix: because at first when you said Castrochuleta was singing "All She Wants To Do Is Dance", I misread it and thought he was singing Whitney's "I Wanna Dance With Somebody"
and I thought "Whoa, brave choice!"
Pie: and Simon says it's okay for Anoop to be snotty to the judges because it's a two way street "we can be horrible to you, and you can be horrible back"
Weetabix: and yay, with that, I should have the rest on my TiFaux

SCOTT MCINTYRE, 1985
"The Search Is Over"?

Pie: also born in 1985, and wanted to be a train engineer
Weetabix: Have you noticed that Scott has fangs?
Pie: I have not
Weetabix: Look, when he made the spooky laugh, you could see them
Pie: but I see them now!
Weetabix: it's very Butch Patrick
Pie: yes! spooky laugh!
Weetabix: maybe that's why America doesn't like my blind boy. America is afraid that he's going to bite them and suck their blood.
Pie: "The Search Is Over"? is this a song?
Weetabix: yeah, it was Asia, maybe? I hated it.
"What you see is real"... what do YOU see, Scott?
Pie: aaaand here we go with the jokes…
Weetabix: If only he were wearing pink pants
Pie: he is holding a guitar and not playing it as of yet
"I can see forever"? "I look into your eyes"? wouldn't you want to vet these lyrics? if you were... blind?
Weetabix: heee!
Whoa, falsetto interestingness
Pie: I don't think I like this song, but the performance is different from him, and thus cool
Weetabix: love was right before my EYES!!!!
Pie: Well, he does have eyes.

Pie: Kara is like "you are a brave little toaster!"
Weetabix: Kara wants to see him back at the piano? I don't get it. Weren't they bitching about this a few weeks ago? She thought it was over-ambitious! interesting.
Pie: Paula is giving him credit for losing the piano… Paula is also talking to him in the "brave little toaster" voice.
"you were screeching... but GO YOU!"
Weetabix: Paula's got lipstick on her teeth
or maybe it's the drugs… are 'ludes pink?
Pie: Simon thinks the song choice was horrible
that's a good question... I do not know… Paula has a little pink straw in her Coke cup
Weetabix: well, the guitar playing wasn't great, but Castrochuleta's not that great with the guitar either. Pie: I like Paula like I like my straws: CRAZY!
Weetabix: maybe it's a flavostraw?
Pie: maybe it is a straw carved out of 'ludes

ALLISON IRAHETA, 1992
"I Can't Make You Love Me"

Weetabix: Allison was born in 1992... jesus now we are old
I want to die
I was living on my own by then!!!
oh my god, her school picture is ADORABLE
Pie: she is cute, that Allison
Weetabix: I love this song, and also, it's hard… I can't sing it
Pie: srsly? I was just going to request it from you next time we karaoke!
Weetabix: seriously. I sound like the Little Mermaid. You need a kind of gravelly voice to carry it off.
Pie: hee!
Weetabix: Plus, I think it's in a weird key or something. Or it has too many notes. I just sound sharp or flat. I'm not good enough for that song.
Pie: Allison definitely can't make me love that skirt
Weetabix: No, the skirt is all shades of wrong. But I do love her reliance upon many chest chains to offset the skirt.
Pie: she's doing a nice vocal on this song.
Weetabix: it works well with her voice… her little young voice.
Pie: I like little Allison.
Weetabix: I do too. I think America does as well. Even though she's chosen a horrible skirt.

Weetabix: Look at Paula's teeth!!! The two that aren't the front teeth? The eye teeth? They are pink.
Pie: Paula thinks she's "undeniably Allison"... hee. I have missed Paula telling the contestants their own names.
Weetabix: Simon thought it was "very good"
Pie: Simon thinks her personality is not coming across
Weetabix: and thinks she needs to be more likeable
Pie: Randy is comparing her to La Clarkson!
Weetabix: oh, I can totally see that!
Pie: me too!
Weetabix: she is a Mini Clarkson!
Pie: I was just listening to her new album in the car, and watched her SNL thing last night… I love La Clarkson.
Weetabix: I love her too. I love her single so much.
Pie: definitely Allison has a Kelly vibe. I can see it!

MATT “MATT” GIRAUD, 1985
"Part Time Lover"

Weetabix: Matt was also born in 1985! This is making me feel seriously decrepit. I'm in the middle of helping to plan my 20 year reunion for my high school class of 1989.
Pie: he is acting in some little angel play
Weetabix: I remember this song!
Pie: are you kidding me with this song choice?
where's "Pass the Dutchie," people? "Der Kommisar"? "Relax"?
Weetabix: Um, “Careless Whisper” much?
Pie: I have no idea if these were in 1985
FINGER GUNS!!!!!!!!!!!!
Weetabix: drink!
Pie: my best friend and I wrote a parody of Careless Whisper called Careless Whiskers. it was about love between walruses and seals.
Weetabix: I remember you telling me about that!
I'm not sure how I feel about the Marshall Wedding hat
Pie: hee. good call on the Marshall wedding hat.
Weetabix: Ok, his falsetto is going to be the death of me.
Pie: yeah that was mediocre
Weetabix: I don't remember all of this falsetto-ness in the 80's. Was I blinded by all the neon?

Weetabix: IS RANDY ON DRUGS!?
Pie: Randy again with "one of the best" of the night
Weetabix: Ione Skye is slavering
Pie: I think Kara is on drugs, with her standing ovation
and "well done" from Simon... what?
Weetabix: Jesus, am I on drugs? I thought it was meh.
Pie: maybe they all drank out of the pink drug straw
Weetabix: is this the false positive of the week? Where they try to make a voting populace relax into thinking that their fav is safe, and then they get voted off?


ADAM LAMBERT, 1982
“Mad World”

Pie: ADAM LAMBERT, THANK YOU LORD.
Pie: I think my TiVo cut off Adam
Weetabix: oh nooooes!
Pie: I have a backup
Weetabix: 1982! Finally!
Pie: hee. "sports, not so much"
Weetabix: Love that his dad just basically said that "Yeah, Adam's gay."
LOOK AT THE MUSTACHE!! EEEEEE!
Pie: yeah. I mean I think America is aware! and yet he might win!
Weetabix: I think he's playing it close to the vest, which is probably a good idea
Pie: he screwed up the lyrics
Weetabix: oh I remember this song. I don't know that I would have chosen this one.
Pie: I'm pretty sure it isn't "going nowhere with the daily races"
I LOVE ADAM.
Weetabix: sometimes the daily races don't go anywhere. They go in a circle.
Pie: I assume this is the Gary Jules version... I love this version.
oh, nice falsetto on "nervous"
sexy
Weetabix: this is totally contemporary, quite honestly
it doesn't have the stench of "80's night" that other performances did
Pie: this is fanfuckingtastic.
Weetabix: oh, that rise was amazing
Pie: yeah it was.
Weetabix: Paula's loving it
Pie: he is sooooo gooooood.
Weetabix: Seriously, this is too good for American Idol
Pie: no kidding.
Weetabix: he's outclassing this show
he just sang my pug to sleep
Pie: even Simon looks happy.

Pie: standing O from Simon!
Weetabix: I don't think that's ever happened before
why did the show go so grossly overtime? All of those stupid Ryan Raps
it's like they were purposely trying to tank Adam
Pie: I can't recall it ever happening.
Weetabix: I mean, both of our Tivo's ran out and cut off his performance
Pie: I think the show went over
Weetabix: how many other people didn't see him perform?
I blame the Ryan Raps
Pie: me too

Pie: okay, predictions?
I mean if Adam got voted out due to that, the judges would 100% use the save
Weetabix: Well, I would think so… that's nice, the save safety net
Pie: Dial Idol said he was safe though… the only one this week, even
Weetabix: ok, I'm not spoiled were you?
Pie: no
Weetabix: predictions?
Pie: I think one of the Scott/Matt/Castrochuleta trifecta is leaving
Weetabix: One would hope
Pie: oh, or Danny, who I forgot about
Weetabix: I think Danny is safe this week
I'd have to say Castrochuleta or Scott. Meh, maybe Lil, but she's one of two chicks left, so I think she's going to be safe for awhile
Pie: yeah I think so too
Weetabix: ok, shall we look?
Pie: and Anoop was good
yes! go find! seek and find!

Weetabix: bottom three were Anoop, Scott and Lil
with 34 million votes in, only 30,000 separated the bottom two (who were Scott and Anoop)
in the distance, Ian does laundry, unaware of the drama
Pie: wow!
Weetabix: and the ousted contestant is.... Scott
Pie: well that's not a shocker
Weetabix: no, really not. He had a good ride. And ended on a song about seeing and eyes.
Pie: heh. and the judges did not save him, I take it?
Weetabix: It was 2 for and 2 against
they apparently huddled and then decided no
Pie: wow… Paula and Kara were the 2 for, obvs.
I am going to bet on that
Weetabix: That's probably a safe bet.
All in all, I'll bet that Simon can break a tie
Pie: well that sounds about right. and with that… Weetapidol out!

2 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I was almost thinking that Anoop might go because of that green stripe "Steve from Blues Clues" shirt.

I am so glad you noticed the pink teeth. What WAS that?

Did Paula's weird gloves bug anyone? I couldn't pay attention at all and was so distracted by the gloves and the pink teeth.

Poor Scott and his fangs got booted off. Bummer. I was sad for the guy. But those high notes were not good dog.

I wish you guys would weetapidol the Ford commericals and the group song performances they do!

Shari, out.

5:55 PM  
OpenID suddensilence said...

I am still laughing over "Careless Whiskers"...LOL

The pale guy was "The Observer" from Fringe (the show that was on after AI on Tuesday). Since we watch Fringe, we recognized him right away...I kept hoping later we would get to see him dancing instead of just observing (which would be hilarious).

When I was younger, I used to have the lyrics from Mad World on my address labels...back when I was into pen pals, friendship books and slams. Now I really feel old!!

~ Wendi (who graduated HS in 1982)

9:07 AM  

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