Wednesday, April 01, 2009

Top 9: Reader, I Lol'd.

Weetabix: There is pressure! Ryan said so!
Pie: what is with Scott's Greased Lightning pompadour? why are all the kids standing as if they're in a Star Trek transporter?
Weetabix: beam me up, Seacrest!
Pie: I always enjoy how the "previous winners" montage in the center of the screen is Jordin and David Cook and Carrie. who's missing? hmmm....
Weetabix: Taylor "Want some free tickets to my concert" Hicks?
Pie: exactly!
Weetabix: By the way, I have a correction, Michael Sarver was not from Texas. He was from Oklahoma. Which is practically the same thing.
Pie: they are adjacent
Weetabix: they have a similar accent, and also, the love of musical theatre
"Oklahoma" of course, and then the lesser known but still fabulous "Best Little Whorehouse in Texas"
Pie: absolutely! "I am a whore, I am a whore, I am the best whore in Texas!"
(I do not know the lyrics.)
Weetabix: yes, those are the lyrics. About the whores.

Weetabix: And we return to the tradition of Randy's stripe shirts
Pie: Randy is dressed like a referee again, and my sexual attraction for him is gone
Weetabix: but what about his provocative lips, Pie?
Pie: no, his lips no longer provocatate me
Weetabix: hee.
Pie: Kara looks hot… she should be quiet and look hot
Weetabix: She's wearing a lot of body glitter on her decolletage
Pie: Simon wants Ryan to "be amazing." the flirting is so cute.
Weetabix: perhaps you can drink more of the wines and be provocatated later
Pie: perhaps! now can we talk about Ryan's tie clasp?
Weetabix: What are we going to say about Ryan's tie clip?
Pie: I find it slightly sexy
Weetabix: yes, it's very bankery, but without AIG badness
Pie: Allison has muppet hair!!
Weetabix: I missed it, but will look forward to it in her clip
Pie: I enjoy Ryan on his radio show. this is a true story.
Pie: I think he is better than Casey Kasem. blasphemy!
Weetabix: really? I LOOOOOVE Casey Kasem
Pie: he was a guest star on Saved by the Bell, which is a definite plus in his column
Weetabix: but I think you're right, Ryan’s probably better

Weetabix: I need some wine. I'm drinking milk, which just seems wrong
but will make sure that I don't get the oesteo porosis
Pie: you could throw some Bailey's in that shit
Weetabix: so, I opened a bottle of mildly expensive wine tonight, and poured it into a Shoddy Treatment wine glass
except that it had apparently not gotten a successful wash in the dish washer, and there was crud in it
Pie: oh dear
Weetabix: and it was a smallish bottle! so there was like half of it in there!
Pie: what is the wine? I am drinking our Alpha Omega wine club wine for the month
Weetabix: I may have to go break out some Alpha Omega too, so as to increase the verisimilitude of our former Weetapidol wine drinking nights

Weetabix: Usher?
Pie: he is singing an Usher song but Ryan did not give the title
Weetabix: What's the theme tonight, by the way? did I miss it?
Pie: it is "popular iTunes downloads"… so basically "open mic night"
Weetabix: Interesting product placement
Pie: I don't know this song, but I do not enjoy this
the Idolettes get to dance though!
Weetabix: I am loving the one Idolette's boots
Pie: I don't know if I don't like the song or don't like Anoop or what
Weetabix: I hate Usher, in all forms
Pie: "I don't know what it is," as Anoop just sang
Weetabix: it's pretty close to Usher's version
Pie: I have no feelings vis a vis Usher
it is annoying
stop singing
Weetabix: Anoop has a wallet chain, except it's around his shoulder
Pie: what does that do for you?
Weetabix: I'm not having any reaction to the shoulderified wallet chain\
Pie: it is very Michael Jackson
Weetabix: he makes a face that looks like he smelled something foul
Pie: yes he is. Anoop should not try to be sexy. I don't think it works.
however, I am pleased for him that he has such enthusiastic friends, cheering madly in the audience.
Weetabix: I think that Anoop's performance will be popular with the kids these days, as is Usher
Pie: Referee Randy did not think it was the right song
Weetabix: Referee Randy has called a foul on the song choice
we are weirdly in sync again with our chatting! it's kind of eerie
Pie: I just LOLed.
Weetabix: isn't that a drinking game? when we do the jinx chat?
Pie: you won, though, because you said "called a foul"
Weetabix: ha!
Pie: I am drinking, lady. I am doing the drinking!
Weetabix: I agree with you on Ione Skye. She's looking very pretty tonight
Pie: she did not enjoy the song
Weetabix: Paula's hair went droooop
Pie: Paula seems extra-stoned
Weetabix: I do not enjoy Paula's necklace tonight… it appears as though she crafted it from the Target toy aisle
Pie: Paula is saying things that might mean something but does not mean anything to me
Weetabix: Simon thinks it was a mess
Pie: Simon Says it was a mess! thank you, Simon.
Weetabix: and I'm sad to say that I can't view his nipples tonight
Pie: "a wannabe"--yes.
Weetabix: It did kind of give me a headache too
Pie: you have an obsession with Simon's nipples. I respect that.
Weetabix: I approve of the fact that his nipples always seem very ready for action
Pie: Anoop is being kind of snotty. Anoop, your snottyness does not become you.
he also disregarded the actual criticism, which was to be original.
Weetabix: Anoop, dearheart, I really hope that the world is ready for a R&B artist with Indian ethnicity, but at this point... hun, I just don't see it
Pie: I think the Indianness is not the issue, it is the Anoopness.
I now want to see a hip-hop band made up of Kal Penn, Aasif Mandvi, and Dev Patel. I want this band immediately.
it will prove that the world is ready! and Anoop will not be in it.

Pie: okay... did they just say Megan was doing Bob Marley?
Weetabix: yes, that is what they said
Pie: I feel like she just threw a dart at a board labeled ALL THE MUSIC.
Weetabix: I need wine before this happens
Pie: yes you do.
Weetabix: Tom Collichio is on my commercial and they took a slam at Alinea!!! but it's a commercial for Diet Coke!
Pie: I know! fuck you, Collichio.
Weetabix: Is it weird that I am starting to find Collichio kind of quietly hot?
he was on the Today show this morning and I actually watched it, just to watch him make paninis
Pie: no, he's kind of hot!
Weetabix: that bald head
Pie: he can grill my panini anytime
Weetabix: I do have a thing for baldies
Weetabix: yes, Daughtry. EXACTLY… it wasn't just the wallet chain!
Pie: so my friend Rebecka's boyfriend Kevin is going to be on TV on Thursday.. he is in Jason Castro's band
Weetabix: oh my gosh, really!?
Pie: everyone watch! I think it's some Idol special or something
Weetabix: also, Vin Diesel. I'm weirdly hot for him too.
Pie: heh
Weetabix: Mentioned only because there was just a commercial for Fast & Furious, which I thought was a reissue of the original, but apparently is not

"Turn Your Lights Down Low"

Weetabix: Oh dear god
Pie: she is irritating, but pretty
Weetabix: actually, this might be ok, though. It might translate well to her wiggedy wack voice
Agreed, she is really pretty
Pie: she still looks super awkward
Weetabix: I just don't understand how she got into the Top Anything on Idol
Pie: I'm sorry but I HATE HER VOICE… I am done with her
Weetabix: you know, it's almost Norah Jones-ish, but gone very very wrong
Pie: maybe... it's definitely gone very wrong.
Weetabix: It's almost like the Idol producers are playing a joke on one of those bad audition people, but she just doesn't realize it
Pie: like, fine, pretty hippy, go sing in Cafe Gratitude and get off my TV
Weetabix: I don't think I've heard the Lauren Hill version of this song. I'm probably glad, because I would hate this more than I already do.
Pie: I can't stand to watch her because of how scared she looks all the time
Weetabix: and WHAT is she doing with her hand? Seriously, it's like Lindsay's evil hand from Angel
Pie: Kara agrees she's in trouble. thanks, Kara.
and now Kara is going to keeeeep taaaalkingggggg.
Kara found her irritating! YES! ME TOO! Kara, we are one, suddenly.
Weetabix: I hope Paula says she's pretty
drink if she says that she's pretty!
Pie: "your one long poseur braid is pretty"
Weetabix: oh "that's where beauty develops" is not the same
Pie: she's like Natalie Merchant gone wrong
Weetabix: damn, I totally thought Paula would go for pretty or fashion
Pie: Simon says it's monotonous
Weetabix: "nobody's going to like that song" which is totally accurate
Pie: I completely agree
hahaha Randy just made me laugh… "it took forever, and I love that song"
Weetabix: Referee Randy compared it to watching paint dry
Pie: and good point from Randy: you can love a song but it doesn't mean it's the right one for you to sing
now she's being snotty
"the audience was feeling it"
the audience is a blob of NO TASTE.
Weetabix: is this snotty contestant week? I hate that week.
Pie: hee! that is the theme
I thought it was "throw a dart at the history of music" but it is in fact "be snotty to the judges"

Weetabix: also, does she think that she can compensate for her lack of talent by wearing more necklaces?
because she cannot.

"What Hurts The Most"

Pie: I just realized Danny Gokey looks like Seth Rogan's little brother in a weird way
Weetabix: I don't see it
Pie: it was in fast forward… it was a fleeting moment
Weetabix: I think he looks a bit like Rufus Sewell's younger brother, though
Pie: mmm, Rufus Sewell.
sorry, were you saying something?
Weetabix: yeah, there's some yummy action
plus, he does mean so so so well… more than the guy who plays Lucius Malfoy
Pie: I want to take off my bra. this means I'm drunk, right?
Weetabix: yes… or slutty. take it off!!!
Pie: well both of those are true
Weetabix: and there it goes, Weetapidolers… wish you had the web cam action
Pie: there is a violin lady… this is pretty
Weetabix: Danny is singing Rascal Flatts, which is country, always a detriment for me
but so far I'm not irritated
Pie: this song sounds slightly familiar… I don’t hate it
Weetabix: it does sound familiar... perhaps it was in a movie or something
Pie: he isn't quite nailing the chorus
Weetabix: I like his glasses
Pie: me too
Weetabix: I like boys in glasses
Pie: me too! I wish Een would wear his more.
Weetabix: I wish the Captain would want to wear quirky Weezer frames
also, in the summer, the Captain has Danny Gokey's facial hair situation, which I enjoy a great deal, obvs
Pie: obvs.

Pie: okay that was boring and mediocre, I feel…. someone needs to sing something half decent. Adam!? ADAM?!?
Weetabix: yeah, I wasn't amazed by that song
Pie: Paula liked it.... in her car. in her car?
Weetabix: did she say something about the cajuns? were there cajuns in the song?
Pie: I have no idea about the cajuns.
Simon's flat hair liked it. are we crazy? maybe it was better live.
Weetabix: but did his nipples? We'll never know.
Pie: The Referee is wearing his friendship necklace again
Weetabix: Wow, Randy just dismissed Anoop and Megan by saying that tonight's show starts with Danny
Pie: um, I do not disagree
Weetabix: double negatives and freedom boobs are leaving me confused
Pie: my freedom boobs, or Kara's?
Weetabix: your freedom boobs, of course. Way better than Kara's.
Ione had goosebumps... she will not say where
Pie: that was overpraised, because it came right after Megan, who made me wish she would electrocute herself with the microphone.
I mean, not fatally.
Weetabix: I think you've nailed it, though. Had Danny come after, say, Lil or Adam, he might not have gotten stroked so much.

"Don't Speak"

Weetabix: ooh, she's doing No Doubt! that might be good!
Pie: hey! a song I like!
Weetabix: wow, that's some hair on Allison
Pie: she has got SOME MUPPET HAIR.
Weetabix: hells yes she does
Pie: yes!
Weetabix: the lighting people are not being kind to little Miss Allison
Pie: her skirt is adorable and her voice sounds awesome.
Weetabix: wow, she totally fucked up the words
why is she holding that guitar? She's not playing it
Pie: she's kind of trying too hard on the chorus
the background vocals are overpowering her a little bit, too
Weetabix: Agreed. It's not so much a screaming song.
Pie: a stripped down version would have been nicer.
Weetabix: the unplugged Don't Speak
Pie: I liked the quiet beginning more than the screamy middle.
Weetabix: I do like her outfit. Randy has no room to talk, man.
Pie: Referee Randy is throwing a penalty flag but I like her outfit.
Weetabix: ha!
Pie: Kara talks = bored now
Weetabix: Paula called Allison's guitar "her axe"
Pie: heee. she sure did. oh Paula.
Weetabix: Allison is very cute. She's not that great, but I kind of feel the need to protect her.
Pie: Paula likes the outfit because Paula owns that outfit.
Weetabix: hee!
Pie: she'll be in it next week.
Weetabix: one can only hope
Pie: Allison is not being snotty.
Weetabix: I don't think we're ever in danger of her being snotty. She seems legitimately sweet.

"Just The Way You Are"

Weetabix: Scott keeps killing me with his song choices
Pie: this is... not... current. this is old-timey.
Weetabix: wait, the judges criticized him with the piano, so this week, it's just going to be him and the piano
Pie: yeah.... and old-timeyness.
Weetabix: but with a leather jacket
Pie: and his Greased Lightning pompadour, which I had forgotten about since the opening credits
Weetabix: Dear Hair and Makeup People: I do not approve of the taming and otherwise swooshing up of Blind Guy's hair
He doesn't know! Don't do those things to him!
Pie: oh my god, Scott, THIS IS SO DATED.
Weetabix: seriously, I think you were a fetus when this came out
Pie: there is absolutely zero relevance here.
Weetabix: Seriously, who is downloading this from iTunes?
Pie: I like Scott, but dear god.
Weetabix: besides my in-laws?
Pie: my grandfather. WHO IS DEAD.
Weetabix: is he wearing a shirt under that jacket? because he shouldn't be
Pie: Greased lightnin, go greased lightnin.
Weetabix: I'll bet Adam would not wear a shirt under the leather jacket.
Pie: look in a mirror, Scott! oh wait...

Weetabix: Oh I lol'd!
Pie: reader, I lol'd.

Weetabix: Kara likes the song choice!
Pie: Kara liked it? oh-kay....
Paula is proud... oh-kay....
Weetabix: I think I just love how clean-cut Scott is. I want to... God help me... corrupt him.
Pie: Paula has forgotten about "his challenge"
that is condescending, Paula
far better to make tacky jokes
Weetabix: besides, we don't know. He might have super awesome senses and at night, fight crime with a very highly specialized cane.
Pie: hee!
even Simon liked it! am I here right now!?
Weetabix: I don't get it. I like Scott, but I didn't like this at all. Maybe if he weren't wearing a shirt, it would have been better.
Pie: The Ref says he's "one of the best of the night"
we are on person 5
again, meaningless
Weetabix: and he said that many times
Pie: wow, that bored me to the point of blindness
Weetabix: totally, the only other "one" was Danny's anemic love song

“You Found Me”
Weetabix: Ryan Raps with Matt
Pie: another leather jacket
Weetabix: speaking of Daredevil, it's Bullseye!!
Pie: hey, he's doing something "current!"
Weetabix: I do like the Fray
Pie: by the Fray
Weetabix: it sounds like he's off key, and that he started maybe too early
Pie: I like this song. I think it's just the song I am really enjoying.
Weetabix: I don't like how he is attempting to make it his own
Pie: the people surrounding him seem to be clapping at random
Weetabix: they were told to clap by the audience fluffer
Pie: were they told to clap at random intervals?
Weetabix: the one guy who looks like Phillip Seymour Hoffman seems to be trying purposely to keep the audience off the clap
Pie: seriously, the clapping is excruciating
I enjoyed that!
I don't know the original, though.
Weetabix: the song is better than "Matt"s
Pie: did Paula just call him "Matt"nificent?
Weetabix: agreed with Paula that it sounded a little too close to the original
Pie: I liked this so much better than Scott's early bird special
I am not on the same page as the judges at the mo
Weetabix: well, it was a song from this millennium
Pie: Ryan has a lot of spray tan happening this week
he is verging on oompa loompa
Weetabix: he does seem unnaturally George Hamilton right now

"I Surrender"

Pie: don't let me down, Lil.
Weetabix: god, please let it be Celine
I don't know of a Celine song called Surrender
Pie: does Celine have a song named Surrender? yes! it's called "I Surrender"
she looks pretty, but about forty.
Weetabix: I was hoping for something amazing. Like "I Drove All Night" or at very least the Titanic song
do we know how old Lil is?
I don't think the dress is good for her.
Pie: she kind of looks like Marla Gibbs if Marla Gibbs was a body builder.
Weetabix: she's got some broader shoulders that would benefit from not being in a strapless (or one strap) dress
Pie: Lil had to take a breath in the middle of that note
she might not be as good as I thought she was
she's no J. Hud, I'm sorry to say.
Weetabix: No, definitely agreed on that.
Pie: I like her sparkly eyes
also, that dress is not flattering to the ass situation.
Weetabix: do not like the blue eyeshadow, however, but that's just a thing with me
no, the entire dress was kind of a nightmare
Pie: I like the sparkle eyes
Weetabix: that's easy to do, though… I have some powder that does that, you put it over any eyeshadow
Pie: I want sparkle powder please.
wrong song choice again. I agree with the judges.
Weetabix: Adam will save us
Pie: is it commercial time yet? wine time? I NEED MORE WINE TO COMBAT THE BOREDOM.
Weetabix: who is left at this point? Castrochuleta and Adam? maybe?
Pie: and sparkle powder.
Weetabix: and another Matt?
Pie: Castrochuleta.... Adam... probably there are at least three more white dudes we're forgetting.
they are cutting to the tiny littler rounds! oh those poor small children!
Weetabix: that is just unfair
Pie: they are terrified, Ryan!
Weetabix: and also, does Randy have kids? did we know that?
Pie: okay Lil looks gorgeous from the neck up... I think I just hate the dress.
I don't think he does
Weetabix: Randy said he was ready for a grandchild, which might be insulting if Randy doesn't have kids

“Play That Funky Music”

Weetabix: THANK GOD!!!
Pie: I officially love Adam
Weetabix: Play that funky music!?!
Pie: Adam could sing anything. I am INTO IT.
Weetabix: seriously, he could do The Rose and I would not get up and exit
Pie: lol!
or "ril" because in my head was "reader, I lol'd."
Weetabix: Paula's dancing!
Pie: Adam, I love you. ADAM I LOVE YOU.
Weetabix: yes that was amazingly awesome and magically delicious
Pie: Adam must win. fuck the demographic theory.
Weetabix: Well, his demographic is "gay white guy", so that's sort of different, right?
I mean, Clay didn't actually win
Pie: true! thank you for the rationalization.
Weetabix: if he played the gay card, at the right moment, that might ensure the win
Pie: I can't see how anyone could beat him, honestly.
Weetabix: I keep typing "wine" instead of "win"
Pie: Allison could be in the finale with him but it would be a blowout.
what an ending
Weetabix: I would have never dreamed that Chris Daughtry would have faltered and Taylor Hicks would have taken it home
Pie: good point. but where's the soul patrol here? nowhere.
Mick Jagger, Steven Tyler, and Adam Lambert? that is weird, Paula.
it's more like David Bowie... and... um.... Adam Lambert.
neither Mick nor Steven is as versatile as Adam.
loooooOOoooOOoooOOoooOOooove Adam.
Weetabix: I like that Paula compared him to Steven Tyler, but he's really almost more Jim Morrison and yes... David Bowie
and he gave love to Ricky Minor!
Pie: now he's giving a shoutout to the band! oh, Adam!
Weetabix: Oh, I love this boy!
Kara is such a fucking dork.
Pie: I am honestly going to watch that again as soon as we are done here.
Castrochuleta is next.
Weetabix: do we have to keep watching and ruin my Adam buzz with Castrochuleta?

"Ain't No Sunshine"
Weetabix: Mandisa is in the audience
Pie: I love this song
Weetabix: didn't someone sing this before? am I misremembering?
Pie: Kris wants to make a moment. well, this is a good song.
I don't know.
Weetabix: he's got a cellist out there, which is interesting
Pie: oh, this is pretty. I do like this.
Weetabix: it's hard to judge after Adam, quite frankly
it's like switching from cocaine to pot
I assume, anyway
Pie: hee. I have done that.
Weetabix: and how does it go?
Pie: I don't remember, I was really high.

Pie: I would download this! I love it!
Weetabix: I'm not going to remember this either, but I'm the pessimistic half of Weetapidol
there's a lot of exhaling into the microphone
Pie: he just panted into the microphone. bad form, Castrochuleta.
Weetabix: and by the way, there was a camera shot straight up his nostrils
Pie: I have hated everything up until the last two performances.
Weetabix: agreed, I haven't been excited about anything
Pie: the jugdes like it... I like it!

Pie: predictions?
Weetabix: You know, I know the idea is that the producers are having the performance order random, but I think they are trying to tank Adam by not putting him in the pimp spot, and putting Castrochuleta there
Pie: they are definitely not trying to tank Adam… they are saving the pimp spot until he needs it
they know Adam is the best thing they have
Weetabix: they can dole out the pimp spot as they require it
Pie: I want to predict Scott will go.
Weetabix: I think Megan
Pie: Anoop is another possibility, he sucked
Weetabix: I think the song choice is going to save Anoop
Pie: Megan sucks horribly, I hope you're right and she goes
Weetabix: I don't remember who I picked for this week. I think "Matt"
Pie: I could see "Matt" going… I think definitely safe are Allison, Adam, and Kris.
I will stick with Scott as going.
what does Dial Idol say?
Weetabix: Dial Idol thinks Megan is going, but Allison, Anoop, "Matt", Scott and Lil are all in danger
Pie: if Allison or Lil loses, they will use the save
Megan going would be the right call
although dear god there are a lot of white dudes
Weetabix: I don't know, I think they'll save the save for Danny or Adam… they seem to be the blessed two


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think Danny Gokey looks like Robert Downey Jr. Check this link out, even their glasses are the same.


10:09 AM  

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