Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Top 8 are not fooled by the rocks that you got

Rumor has it that J.Lo's on tonight's Idol and we're very very excited. So excited that we spend some time talking about our lives while Pie's TiVo records enough of the show to create a buffer for commercials. Weet is drinking Gnarly Head Old Vine Zin and Pie is drinking Sauvignon Blub blub.

P: Who is that that looks like Kelly Clarkson in the background?
W: I think that's Haley.
P: Oh… kay.
W: Maybe it's Sanjaya.


W: Oh look! Nathan Fillion, whom you've met!
P: Oh, Nathan Fillion is there?!
W: Yes.
P: I didn't meet him, I just talked to him on the phone. But yay!

(J. Lo montage)

P: Ian wanted to know if J. Lo was going to get voted off. Now Ian is doing a little Jennifer Lopez dance.
W: I really wish I were there. Did you hear Ryan doing the newscaster accent?
P: Yjeennniffer Ylooopez.
W: Hee. I hope he says "E-merica Idolllle!"
P: Oh, Jennifer Lopez is so nice to the little Idols. I love her in crazy romantic movies, I can't help it!
W: Why is that?
P: I have issues. Also, The Wedding Planner!
W: Haven't seen it.
P: It's so good! And kind of bad.

(Melinda, "Sway")
P: How is this song Latin?
W: I don't know. There's a big Latin drum in the back, perhaps?
P: I don't think she's one of J. Lo's favorites.
W: No. I'm sorry, but J. Lo sitting on that stool... I understand why she's a super star. It's like "Holy shit! J. Lo!"
P: I know.
W: Oh, I know this song.
P: Jennifer Connelly sang it in Dark City.
W: Melinda looks sultry. That's a good dress for her. Just look… don't look at her neck. Just look at the dress.
P: Yeah, totally. Good hair too. And I've loved this song ever since Dark City. Except… she's not doing it for me.
W: She's got a great voice, but she doesn't have the stage presence. Like LaKisha walks out there and owns it. I hate to keep bringing up LaKisha, but…
P: ...Well, you wouldn't want to bring up Sanjaya.
W: It's that "oh, who, me?" she gives it off even when she's performing.
P: Paula used the same word you did. She said "sultry."
W: I don't know if I should be insulted by that.
P: She's making the puppy dog face.
W: See, I agree with Simon. It wasn't that I didn't like it, it was just eeeh.
P: It'll be interesting to see how she reacts to this criticism. Oh, that was cute. That was "winning."
W: It doesn't mean much when Ryan says you're sexy.


(LaKisha, "Conga")
P: This dress... well, it could go either way.
W: It seems a little Coca-Cola-centric, for some reason.
P: I think you just nailed my unease.
W: I like that she always rocks the boobies, though.
P: And the arms.
W: Really? She's doing "Conga"?
P: I love Jennifer Lopez! I'm sorry! I can't help it!
W: I'm being swayed. I kind of like her too, and I don't even like her.
P: She likes LaKisha.
W: Good hair, good lip gloss. Frickin' awesome dress minus the Coke endorsement.
P: Yeah, the bottom of that dress is great.
W: I think it's the tie dye aspect that bothers me.
P: I love her little dancing. She just rocks it.
W: It's so cute.
P: Again I must declare my love for LaKisha.
W: As if everybody doesn't know.
P: Well people think she's going to get voted off soon.
W: But why?! Her breasts are so beautiful!
P: They see her as arrogant or something.
W: That's the thing. You can't be arrogant if you're a big beautiful woman.
P: Yeah, you don't want to be the bitter fat chick. And Randy liked it! Yay! And... I don't think I've ever seen Randy and Paula disagree to this extent.
W: As soon as Paula compliments how you look, you know it's bad.
P: Oh no! I don't want LaKisha to get voted off!
W: Maybe Simon's trying to scare everyone.
P: I hope so. And yes, her breasts are marvelous.
W: They are fantastic.


(Chris R., "Smooth")
P: Oh my god, I love this song.
W: He would be good at this.
P: She's so cute, that J. Lo! With her Spanish words!
W: Any other person on that stool would be unfortunate and squishy. But she's got it going on.
P: Yay!
W: Ooh, the drum guy got to be on the stage!
P: This is not that good.
W: He's not starting strong.
P: And he's doing weird curve hands…
W: I'm......... no. That's all I can say.
P: That's all you need to say. This is........ no.
W: Hahaha.
P: I never thought of that guy from Matchbox 20 as that good of a singer.
W: I'm sure Rob Thomas applauds you now.
P: I certainly applaud him now.
W: It's just not getting any better.
P: Yeah, it's not good. He's no Rob Thomas. A sentence I never thought I would say.
W: Even the little girl's like, "Is the camera on me? Am I supposed to be clapping? For that?"
P: Randy likes this, too?
W: Is Randy on Zoloft?
P: And is Paula....well, Paula is always on something. I just answered my own question.


(Haley, "Turn the Beat Around")
P: Haley and J. Lo are dressed the same.
W: Oh my god, no. Blake.
P: NO BEATBOXING. Why does J. Lo like Blake?!
W: Holy shit, Haley's wearing no clothes.
P: It's just... she's got the legs. Those short shorts.
W: You nailed it. Once again it's "at least I'm not fat."
P: Diana DeGarmo did this one....
W: That's right.
P: ...on Gloria Estefan night.
W: You are a font of American Idol trivia.
P. Uh...I have the MP3.

P: She's got blowjob lipstick happening.
W: I was JUST THINKING THAT. Like "fellate that microphone." If Esteban had been walking through, he totally would have said something.
P: Totally.
W: I am not a fan of the hairstyle she's sporting. I've never been a fan of that hairstyle.
P: I agree with Randy. It sucked. Diana DeGarmo sucked at that too.
W: I think it's a really hard song to sing. And I love how Simon calls her on her clothes.
P: "Go ahead! Dress like a slut! It's working!" Wow, that was harsh.
W: I wish Ryan would rip off that top so she'd be standing there in just her bra and her hot pants.
P: I bet a lot of people are wishing that.

(Phil, "Maria Maria")
P: This could be good… or a trainwreck.
W: Wow, Phil Stacey is profound.
P: He's starstruck. He noticed the thing about J. Lo on the stool though. And she felt goosebumps.
W: She felt that he was going to chloroform her and put her in his van.
P: I like this song too. And I just had this vision of Sanjaya singing "Livin' La Vida Loca"
W: I might go into the Sanjaya camp if he sings that. Any Ricky Martin song and I will be Sanjayafied.
P: Boy I hate that beret. That lopsided beret.
W: It's awful. And that was not a good note.
P: Speaking of awful. I don't really have goosebumps.
W: No.
P: Nobody has wowed me yet. Not even LaKisha, if I'm being honest.
W: It is very sad.
P: Maybe Latin night is just a terrible idea.
W: For all these white kids? Maybe. If we'd had club circuit party boy, he'd have rocked.
P: I think I recall Gloria Estefan night going poorly as well.
W: I wonder if there's a moritorium on doing J. Lo songs though, after Gwen Stefani night debacle?
P: I'll be very sad if nobody does a J. Lo song. I want Sanjaya to do "Jenny from the Block."
W: That would be awesome.


(Jordin, "The Rhythm Is Gonna Get You")
P: Her top is a little crazy, but I think I might like it.
W: I like it actually. I don't know if it's a good color for her, but I love it.
P: I agree, I love 80s night.
W: She was born in December of 89?
P: Oh god, I am old.
W: I was out of high school.
P: How is Michael Jackson in any way Latin?
W: I have no answer to that.
P: Wait, this isn't Michael Jackson.
W: It's Miami Sound Machine. More Gloria Essssstefffan. I like Jordin's hair like that.
P: Jordin is cute. She's good. Her outfit is cute this week.
W: I would have amped up the color though. It washes her out too much.
P: I think she's got such a beautiful skin tone that continuing it is not a bad thing.
W: To me, it reflects too much up on her skin. I'm weird about matching your skin tone to your hair.
P: She's got a good voice, but... eh.
W: Yeah.
P: I've crossed over into not caring. I am just biding time until Sanjaya butchers whatever he's gonna butcher.
W: It's gonna be great. Are they saving him for the pimp spot?
P: I'm beginning to think so. Maybe Blake.
W: Who's left—Boogie and Sanjaya?
P: I think so. I totally agree with Simon. I think everybody's kinda sucked.
W: Yeah. J. Lo night? Not so much. The most exciting part has been seeing J. Lo sitting on the stool looking adorable.

(Blake, "I Need To Know")
W: They're saving Sanjaya for the pimp spot.
P: J. Lo likes Blake.
W: Yeah she does.
P: I like how she just referred to her husband as "Marc Anthony."
W: Did Blake always have a sleeve? Did he always have ink on his arm?
P: I never noticed.
W: He does. Look.
P: He is dressed like the Miami Sound Machine.
W: All of them.
P: God, he's a tool. And his see-through colander hat.
W: Hee. I think they're $5.99 at the Miami airport.
P: Hee. He's going to be in the final fucking two.
W: God I hope not. The thing is, Blake has the showmanship that Melinda lacks.
P: And he can sing. That's what pisses me off.
W: I don't know if I can ever forgive him for singing the Cure. I hold grudges.
P: I find him such a douche, yet I acknowledge his talent.
W: It's like he's a singing Cabbage Patch Doll. That's my problem with Blake.
P: Randy just likes fuckin' everything tonight.
W: I'm telling you. He's on Zoloft. And sadly. Simon's fucking right. It really was the best performance of the night.
P: I agree, and it fucking pisses me off.
W: His undershirt doesn't even match his top. And they just said "Latin passion" and "Sanjaya" in the same sentence. I'm glad I saved enough wine to get me through Sanjaya.


(Sanjaya, "Something in Spanish")
W: I am paused on a sign that says "Don't be fooled by the votes that he's got. He's still, he's still Sanjaya from the block."
P: YOU ARE NOT. Oh my god!
(uproarious laughter)
W: I just farted.
W: You can't blog that.
P: I can't??
W: Okay, fine. That sign is hilarious.
P: They've embraced the phenomenon that is Sanjaya.
W: J. Lo likes Sanjaya.
P: And I love J. Lo.
W: And by analysis, you love Sanjaya?
P: "By analysis"?
W: By algebra! It's a tautology of logic!
P: He's got a goatee??
W: That's eye pencil. I'm sorry, that is totally makeup. There is no way that is actually facial hair on that kid.
P: I have to give him props for singing in Spanish.
W: I was just gonna say. That's pretty impressive. Unless he speaks Spanish. Wait, he just transferred into English.
P: He's going back and forth.
W: I was really hoping he'd go u[p there and sing "She Bangs." That would be the ultimate American Idol "Vote for the Worst" statement.
P: That was actually...
W: ...not bad.
P: Not at all bad.
W: He does the bedroom eyes at the camera. And I just got the "Shake and Blake" sign. That it's a Will Ferrell reference.
P: Yep, Ricky Bobby. I love the signs! And there are some weird-ass high fiving people in the crowd.
W: Are you sure that's not BJ and Jeremy from Amazing Race?
P: BJ and Jeremy? Do you mean BJ and Tyler?
W: Yeah, them. This is my six degrees of separation of reality television.
P: While drunk.


P: Who do you think is going?
W: I don't know. Haley or Phil Stacey? Chris Richardson was awful though.
P: I feel like it could be anybody. Except Sanjaya. There's no way it's gonna be Sanjaya.
W: I don't think it's going to be Sanjaya either. I don't think Phil did all that badly.
P: This might be Haley's week to go, but... she's the last white chick left.
W: So do you think Haley and Gina were splitting the white chick vote?
P: I don't know what the hell was going on.
W: At this point, I think Haley's got the sexpot vote that Katherine McPhee rode until the end.
P: Yeah, you could be right.
W: Which means... there's a lot of white guys. So if we go with the demographic theory, it's Phil or Chris. I don't think Blake's going.
P: There's also three black women. I can't see any of them going except LaKisha.
W: I can't imagine a reality where one of them should go before one of the white guys should go.
P: I'm at a loss to predict this one.
W: I think should go: Chris Richardson. But will go...yeah. I'm leaning Phil Stacey, or maybe Melinda.
P: Should go, I say Haley. Will go, I'm going with the shocking LaKisha.
W: Hush your mouth.
P: I have to prepare myself for the worst. PrepareForTheWorst.com.
W: We should register that.

Weetapidol is bracing itself for an upset.


Blogger Martha said...

Ladies - why do you hate Blake so much? I totally don't get it. Please elaborate, inquiring minds want to know!

8:10 PM  
Blogger Kim said...

Oh, come on, ladies. Blake wasn't singing the Cure. He was singing the 311 version.

Talent granted and aside, Blake has never in his life intentionally listened to Robert Smith sing anything and would, in fact, give him wedgies and spit gum in his hair.

I think, deep down, we all know that.

11:50 AM  

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