Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Sanyaja Take The Wheel

P: Oh god, Virginia Tech.
W: How can Ryan come back and say A-MERICAN Idol after talking about Virginia Tech? At least it was a little subtle. And apologetic.
P: It was a little ridiculous.
W: What is your wine?
P: It is awesome. It is St. Supery Sauvignon Blanc that we got in Napa.
W: Nice.
P: Yours?
W: Mine is a varietal, called Clancys…
P: "Panties"?
W: CLANCYS. Ryan looks very dapper tonight. Maybe he should be wearing plaid and snaps for country night.
P: I know zero about Martina McBride.
W: She has done "Valentine" which I have done for karaoke.
P: I know that song!
W: And she did a version of "O Holy Night" that is wonderful. But that twangy shit, I just can't deal with.
P: I have a weak spot for country. Like I think I hate it, but individual songs, I like.
W: Really?
P: Like Dolly Parton. "Eagle When She Flies."
W: But that's old school country. I think the genre has really splintered away from the Cash, the Cline, the Parton..

(Phil, "Where The Blacktop Ends")
W: By Keith Urban, who gets to fuck Nicole Kidman.
P: Who HAS to fuck Nicole Kidman.
S: Ha! That's why he's on all the drugs.
[Martina: He did a little soulful lick…]
P: Is it just me, or did "soulful lick" just sound really gross?
W: Yeah. It was porny. Hey, no pancake hat! God, I hate country.
P: I have a weak spot for his tinsel shirt, and this country song.
W: We're going to be at odds tonight, you and I.
P: Tinsel shirt!
W: Was that Michael Caine?
P: I find it hard to believe that Michael Caine would have to whore himself out for American Idol.
W: I have two words for you: Miss Congeniality.
[The dog barks crazily]
W: Does Goulash not like Phil Stacey?
P: He either really hates him or really loves him. Now he's growling and biting on a shirt…which I don't know what to do with. And wow, the audience loves this. And.. do you see that sweater? Randy's going to Hogwarts.
W: Ha!
P: I agree, this was good. I mean, maybe I'm just drunk…
W: It did not suck. I have to get more wine. The thing with country is there's a lot of "woo"ing, for no real reason.

(Jordin, "Broken Wing")
P: So I guess this is by Martina. Did Pick Pickler do this last year?
W: Maybe. I kind of want Pickler out of my mind.
P: She was on "Go Fug Yourself" today.
W: I saw. She looked like a foil-wrapped baked potato.
P: Jordin's wearing a nightgown. She's wearing a Rue McClanahan nightgown.
W: Her only frame of reference is Ellie Mae Clampett.
P: Tinsel is the theme though.
W: It does seem to be. I like her hair like that. I'm not sure what's going on with that dress.
P: Cleopatra meets a Christmas tree?
W: She has boobs, doesn't she?
P: Presumably.
W: It's a mystery.
P: The only body parts I knew about were Haley's and she's gone.
W: LaKisha's got a great rack.
P: Yeah, somebody did this song. Carrie, or Pickler, or somebody.
W: I have a hard time distinguishing, when it comes to country. There's that Tim McGraw song where some woman dies… maybe… or something. I know that song.
P: Clearly. You have a really good grasp of that song.
W: It's like a little short story. Like a Boy Named Sue.
P: The audience is really into it tonight. I'm sure that was good.
W: I'm sure it was good. Oh, she's crying I'm think.
P: Have Randy's lips always been purple?
W: I do not recall. I think it's proof that they are piping in some gas into the audience. That's a sign of too much helium.
P: Wow. What a compliment from Simon.
W: That was a great one.
P: Well, Jordin is pretty awesome.
W: Mm hmm.
P: Even if Goulash is barking again.
W: No kidding.
P: Look at how tiny Ryan looks again.
W: He's a wee, wee man.
P: Well, he does like the wee-wees. HAHAHAHA! I'm very sorry.

(commercials)
[We come back from commercials and discuss the fact that we've paused on Constantine looking like a penis.]
W: It's like he's spoofing himself. I'm starting to think Chris Kattan is just showing up in the audience dressed like Constantine.

(Sanjaya, "Something To Talk About")
P: Oh my god, Sanjaya and his bandana. And afro. He's gonna win. I have no idea who's going to go home, but he's going to win.
W: Hillary said he just might. She said that in elections, anybody can win.
P: Oh, I love this song!
W: I don't even think of it as being country.
P: Bonnie Raitt is pretty country.
W: I guess.
P: I love how all the guests are surprised that Sanjaya can sing. Maybe he just chooses songs everybody loves, and that's his secret.
W: I wouldn't sya "Bathtub" is a song everybody loves.
P: Whatever he did last week was. "Cheek to Cheek." I mean two weeks ago.
W: Yet again, red shirt? You need a bra.
P: Sanjaya is not singing well and his shirt is unfortunate.
W: I don't know what to make of this part.
P: The dog is yelping and humping Ian's foot.
W: Wow, that's awesome.
P: I don't know what that says about Sanjaya.
W: I think you know what it says about Sanjaya.
P: I agree with Randy, it wasn't that good.
W: I don't agree with the fact that Randy not only talked about himself in the third person, but called himself "the dawg."
P: Simon hates Sanjaya. Vote for the worst is kicking in right now.
W: Mm hmm.
P: I completely agree with Simon, but it's not going to get rid of Sanjaya.
[Simon and Ryan bicker homoerotically about Sanjaya.]
W: Bitch fight!

(commercials)

(LaKisha, "Jesus Take The Wheel")
W: Wow.
P: Nice.
W: Referential.
P: It's awesome that Carrie Underwood has become an artist that can be sung on American Idol. And I don't even like her.
W: I didn't even watch that season.
P: I think LaKisha's song choice may save her this week.
W: You're right about the sparkly. Everybody but Sanjaya so far has had the sparkly. The boots.
P: I'm not sure how I feel about the boots.
W: I'm not sure either. I'm just noting it. I like the cut of the dress, though. I don't like the embellishments, but I like the4 cut of the dress.
P: I love LaKisha. I don't know this song. But I love LaKisha. And I think the audience knows this song. Which makes it smart.
W: She's kinda rocking it.
P: There's no way Carrie could be better than LaKisha.
W: No. Look, they were all standing.
P: That's because they know LaKisha is awesome.
W: Either that or they want to get a better look at the boots.
P: Wow, LaKisha's fans have drawn a sign on a napkin. That's a bad sign… so to speak.
W: Maybe the judges are trying to scare people into voting for LaKisha.
P: She's got gold shadow, and I enjoy it.
Simon: It's like a hamburger for breakfast. It doesn't go.
W: I like hamburgers for breakfast.
P: Who doesn't? But LaKisha's in trouble!
W: He's right though about blowing everyone away with Jennifer Holliday…
P: I told you! She peaked!
w: No! I don't want you to be right. No peaking, LaKisha!

(Chris, "Mayberry")
P: Okay, he's the one who can go home.
W: I'm so done with him.
P: Martina just likes everybody. She's useless.
W: She's got pretty eyes though.
P: She really does.
W: I'm so sick of white sneakers with dark jeans.
P: I'm sick of Chris Richardson.
W: He's got a wallet in his back pocket. Like, is he gonna get carded on stage?
P He just bores me to tears. Little cue-ball K. Fed. I can't even be bothered to type, about Chris. This is really short. Now he's crying about Virginia Tech! That's cheating! Oh, that's low, man. That's worse than crying about your baby. That's like name-checking 9/11.
W: He just Rudy Giuliani'd the American Idol vote.

(commercials.)

(Melinda, "Trouble Is A Woman")
P: That top is pretty good for her neck.
W: Fooling you into thinking she has one?
P: Yes. And Melinda looks so surprised that Martina think she's amazing!
W: Yeah, that's getting old. But that top is supposed to be a corset and only the top two things are laced.
P: I still think that shirt is the best thing she's ever worn.
W: It's the first thing that shows her age. They should put her in strapless things more often.
P: This is kind of a cool song.
W: Mmm hmm. It makes me hungry for ribs.
P: Hee!
W: I cannot explain that comment.
P: I think you just want to hang out with Melinda and have ribs.
W: Yeah. Or just have some ribs by myself. Actually, maybe it's that really good ribs places have music like this playing, It's just conditioning.
P: I'm really digging on Melinda right now.
W: Not bad. Best thing so far tonight.
P: I agree. And I hope she doesn't looks surprised. Just look… pleased.
[Simon says lose the surprise.]
W: He totally cockblocked her surprise.
P: Simon is smart.
W: I think Simon's reading Weetapidol.

(Blake, "When The Stars Go Blue ")
P: So Martha asked why we hate Blake. My answer is because he looks like Mike Boogie and is a douche.
W: I have the right to hate him for no reason. How about that?
P: Oh, fuck. I LOVE THIS SONG.
W: Now you know my pain when I sang "Love Song."
P: This is why I hate Blake! He sings songs I love! And he does fucking great!
W: He sees inside our hearts. And uses it against us.
P: He's in the same Hogwarts house as Randy. The white and black sweater house.
W: I have to say he's very good.
P: God, I have to VOTE FOR HIM NOW.
W: You know he's going to beatbox this. You can't vote for him.
P: I vote for him under duress. I love this performance. And I hate him! He confuses me on the inside.
W: You know what I hate about this? He has me kind of convinced that this is indie.
P: Goulash just farted. I think he's protesting my vote for Blake.
W: The world has farted over your vote for Blake. Why did Simon just bring up Virginia Tech?
P: That has absolutely nothing to do with Blake's performance. And it makes Blake look like an asshole for smiling.
W: I know.

(recap)
P: Who do you think is going home?
W: Whoever I say, it's wrong.
P: Say LaKisha, then!
W: No, I don't want to be right! It's too much to hope that it's Sanjaya.
P: It should be Sanjaya. It's going to be not Sanjaya. That's my prediction.
W: It should be Sanjaya… after that it should be Chris Richardson, but he pulled out the Giuliani card. I… have no idea.
P: Maybe I'll say LaKisha again.
W: As a totem against her going?
P: No, I still have a big feeling.
W: I do agree that the demographic theory is at play. I don't understand why people like Melinda so much more than LaKisha. I would think that would be fairly evenly split.
P: I think it's the humility.
W: Oh, so what?
P: I know. But in conclusion, I have no idea.
W: No.
P: Anything could happen.

Weetapidol out.

6 Comments:

Blogger Kim said...

My sister, Katrina: "It's country night!"

Me: "If God has any feelings for
me at all, Sanjaya will sing 'Save A Horse, Ride A Cowboy',"

Katrina: "How about 'Who's Your Daddy?'"

Me: "Or 'She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy'!"


Phil: I liked it, Katrina hated it.

Jordin: AWESOME!! That was ... like, remember when Carrie Underwood sang "Alone"? And she won AI right then? I'm saying it ... Jordin, broken wing, fabulous lipstick ... she wins.

Sanjaya: It was fun while it lasted, kid.

Lakisha: Is she trying to get voted off?

Chris: I hate the nasal. I hate that song. I hate Rascall Flatts. Chris sounded EXACTLY like their lead singer.

Melinda: What can I say? She's a great singer and more effective than Lunesta.

Blake: Who the hell wears wooden shoes? With a WEDDING GOWN? That song hurts my teeth.

8:40 PM  
Blogger mo pie said...

Who wears wooden shoes? DUTCH PEOPLE!!!!!! Kim, don't let me down!

10:02 PM  
Blogger Kim said...

Yes, I know. Clogs. But, really, who in Tim McGraw's vast frame of reference wears wooden shoes? I just ... maybe its an inside reference to some kind of couples therapy mandated role playing.

Maybe Faith has a splinter fetish.

11:26 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I would have to check, but I think Chris's 'wallet' was probably his battery pack for the mike.

Didn't like Blake tonight. The band drowned him out.

12:51 PM  
Anonymous Martha said...

I think I have a soft spot for Blake because he sang in an
a cappella band and I'm an
a cappella geek.

Thank God Sanjaya's gone! Although I would pay to hear him sing "Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy". And why is he getting what seems like a ridiculous amount of press since being voted off. Bleh.

People love Melinda more than LaKisha because she's better than LaKisha (IMHO). She's a more rounded singer. I think LaKisha has it in her, but she's yet to show it. Maybe next week!

If I could revise my prediction today, though, I'd predict that Jordin is going to win....

5:03 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Okay, so I've never posted on this site before but I've been a lurker since last season...

And I have to make a HUGEMUNGOUS correction with regard to who wrote and originally sang the song "Stars go Blue".

Check out RYAN ADAMS...he is the one responsible for the magnificience (sp?) of this song. I believe it was featured on the Gold album.

Tim McGraw took this song and DESTROYED it...he made it all sappy and gross.

Obviously I have strong feelings about this! Who knew! lol

5:43 PM  

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