Saturday, February 24, 2007

NSFW

[Disclaimer: This edition of Weetapidol contains mature language and sexual themes. Don’t blame us, blame Antonella Barba.]

TOP 12 GUYS

W: That red stage is Satanic.
P: Yeah, what is going on there?
W: It's the evil version of American Idol. "What have you done, America?"

P: So I don't know who any of these people are.
W: Except for Jack Osborne.
P: Right.

P: Ryan Seacrest's vest is making me... feel... something.
W: I am expecting him to sing Mr. Bojangles. It's like a dressy top with jeans—is that coming back?
P: I've always liked that. But not with the vest.
W: No, not with the vest. I prefer a pocket square.

P: So we get to meet the guys again and they do stupid dances. I don't care that much about the top 24 either, I have to say.
W: It's just scouting out for the pool. Because next week we have to do the pool, right? People have to pick their pool choices?
P: Well we're not down to the top 12 yet.
W: After this week we will be.
P: No, because we only lose four this week.
W: Are you shitting me?

P: Ryan just said we could fast forward. Rather than fast forwarding, I'm just going to not pay attention.
W: I don't know what's going on with Randy's shirt. And what's going on with Paula's shirt. She looks like Swiss Miss.
P: He's doing the opposite of slimming black. It's like a paisley couch.
W: I know. He looks like the Kool Aid man.

W: Oh god, montage.
P: It's Randy saying "what's up, man?" a million times.
W: I don't think we actually saw these auditions.
P: That wouldn't surprise me. And I'm going to go back to ignoring this.
W: Yeah, it's lame.
P: I think Brandon Rogers is hot though.
W: Which one is he?
P: The... black guy?
W: You mean the one who looks like Warrick?
P: Yeah, him.
W: Yeah, he's hot.


W: And now a pause and now commercials. This is how this whole two hours is going to go. It's going to be a long two hours.

(commercials)

(Rudy Cardenas)
W: He's the one who did Journey.
P: I feel like I've never seen him before.
W: I thought we did see him.
P: He's from North Hollywood, so I'm rooting for him. And he just mentioned macaroni and cheese.
W: It's a shout-out to Ian.
P: And therefore Weetapidol, by association.
W: The six degrees of macaroni and cheese.
P: Yes.
W: I do think he looks kind of skeevy, this Rudy Cardenas. But now that he got rid of the flavor saver, it helps.
("Take A Free Ride")
W: Do we have a theme? Is it "horrible 80s music"?
P: I like his shirt, and I do not like his singing.
W: I don't like his dancing. It looks like he should be trying to convince me to buy Diet Dr. Pepper. Doesn't he looks like he should be singing the Dr. Pepper song?
P: Totally. Yeah, you nailed it. Also, zero sex appeal. He's got the sex appeal of a Dr. Pepper can. I think that's what you're seeing there.
W: I think he's the guy I said was the Eliot Yamin of the new season. But it doesn't matter, because… zero sex appeal.
P: And yet people were into Eliot.
W:I think it was an underdog thing, not a "I want to hump you" thing.
P: You might be right.
W: Randy's shirt is like a bedsheet.
P: I agree with Simon: Rudy is forgettable.
W: And the song was kinda karaokeish.
P: Swiss Miss likes him. Maybe she got the good drugs tonight.
(commercials)

W: I love the Coke outlines on the couch. Like, "all these bottles of Coke were murdered here."

(Brandon Rogers)
P: He doesn't do it for me, but he's good looking.
W: Once they style him a little better, I think we could be convinced that he's hot. As opposed to that other guy whose name I've forgotten already. Rudy.
P: I don't care about these retrospective montages of the contestants.
W: I know. We’re going to get them again when we get down to the top 12 or top 10 or whatever. Whoever goes on the tour.
P: With the way they pad this show, we'll probably get a whole episode that's just a montage.
W: I'm tired of the padding. The well is dry. The cow's udder of America is dry.
("Rock With You")
P: This is not particularly doing it for me either.
W: No.
P: And I had high hopes.
W: It IS bad 80s song night.
P: It's the unspoken theme. And his shirt is half tucked in. Maybe that's the other unspoken theme.
W: It's the shit in the pockets. And so the other contestants watch them from the balcony?
P: Yeah.
W: That's kind of weird. I like his artfully distressed jeans, but not so much his performance.

P: They're also padding this with Ryan asking stupid-ass question. I think I'm back to finding him douchey. It might be the vest.
W: The vest is doing a lot to move him into the douche camp.
P: Next time maybe if he has the Dunkelman…
W: … then the charm will be back?
P: I won't go that far.

(Sundance Head)
W: Now we have Sundance/Jason Head, who seems overly fond of his own chest hair.
P: And he's got these weird chin pubes that disturb me.
W: He does a weird thing with his lips when he talks, too.
("Knights In White Satin")
W: Okay, I was wrong about the theme. This is bad 60s.
P: He's "pitchy"
W: Talk about karaoke actually. I wouldn't be impressed with this at karaoke.
P: This is… not good.
W: Unless it's about to get really good right now. He's doing Jesus hands! No! No, Sundance. You don't get to do Jesus hands.
P: What's the criteria?
W: Sex appeal. I need to want to worship you, and I do not want to worship Sundance, and is he wearing tennis shoes with his suit jacket?
P: Yeah.
W: He's wearing a fucking ring on a chain, like he's a 14 year old at prom.

W: I was not impressed by that. I want to like Sundance because I want to support the big linebackery guys.
P: Randy's like "it was almost 100% terrible!" Even Swiss Miss doesn't like it.
W: He does have pretty eyes.
P: "Dad at a wedding"—Simon said that about Taylor, and Taylor won.
W: And he told Jennifer Hudson she belonged on a cruise ship.
P: Was it a Sundance Cruise?
W: Where does the name Sundance come from? No woman pushed him out of her vagina and said "oh! I am gonna call him Sundance!"

(commercials)

P: Oh my god the results show is one hour? What the hell are they going to fill it with?
W: A montage. "Here is a montage of the last two Idol shows."
P: "Here's a montage of the opening credits."

(Paul Kim)
P: Yay for an Asian guy in the competition.
W: I know.
P: And he's a barefoot Asian guy, so right away you hate him.
W: It has nothing to do with being Asian, for the record.
P: No, it was in reference to feet, which I know you hate.
("Careless Whisper")
W: It's Careless Whisper., fuck yeah. These feet do not have any rhythm barefoot guy.
P: They might have fungus.
W: UUuuuggggh. I am sick! I threw up this morning!
P: Sorry.
W: Okay, I like this performance. Despite the feet. I don't know about his stage presence though.
P: No, he makes weird faces.
W: I'm probably just slanted because I like this song so much. I love it. I love this song
P: I am going to turn it up so I can hear it. That high note was not great.
W: That was bad.
P: He's doing some good yaaayeayyyay-yays.
W: Mm hmm. He's my favorite right now.
P: He's your favorite even with the feet?
W: In spite of the feet.
P: You must really, really, really like this song.
W: Oh, GROSS. Now we saw Ryan's bare feet! And look how short he got without shoes.
P: He wears lifts!
W: He must!
P: I like how Ryan's secure enough in his homosexuality to make pedicure jokes.
W: He just made a lift remark! He said "now I'm short for sure without that lift"!
P: I'm back to liking Ryan, if he admitted that. Tom Cruise never admits it.

("Chris Richardson)
P: Who the hell is this guy. This Kevin Federline guy?
W: "A well-accomplished artist"? "Well-accomplished"?
P: It's not exactly grammatical, but I do agree with him about Justin Timberlake.
("I Don’t Wanna Be")
P: This is a Karaoke Revolution song!
W: Oh my god, it is!
P: I love him for singing a Karaoke Revolution song!
(Mo Pie sings along)
(Mo Pie claps)
P: I don't even know if this is a good or bad. I'm just having a karaoke r moment.
W: If only it morphed into a cartoon and he were on a rooftop. or at the county fair.
Both: Pig chase!!!
W: Okay can you tell me how that was?
P: It was pretty close to the regular one.. I don't know. I thought it was pretty good. Yeah, I kind of agree with Randy—the show just started.

P: Wow, I don't feel this beer at all.
W: You better have another one. You need to prep your liver. You're coming to Green Bay next week.

(commercials)

(Nick Pedro)
W: Was everybody told to wear gray?
P: I don't know. Not Randy.
W: I'm sure gray is one of the colors in that bedsheet.
P: What's his name? Nick something?
W: Nick Pedro.
P: Vote for Pedro! He wasn't that good in the group round though, so what's he doing there?
("Now & Forever ")
W: This is a Richard Marx song.
P: He looks like a really gross guy who slips people date rape drugs.
W: He looks like someone who buys a bar so he can get laid.
P: Mike Boogie from Big Brother?
W: No, that's who the beatboxing guy reminds me of! But yes. Same M.O.
P: Okay, so Captain Date Rape. Totally. And he's got eye shadow on.
W: He totally does. Apricot.
P: I love how Paula strings words together. "Magic… melting… pony…"

W: Now how short must Nick be if he's towering over Ryan?
P: Well Ryan's got his lifts in again.
W: He just said "vote for Pedro."
P: Oh my god I MADE THE SAME JOKE AS RYAN SEACREST.
W: I'm sorry. Are you wearing a vest?

(commercials)

P: Ryan's introducing the girls. He's smiling like "I like girls!" Really!"

(Blake Lewis)
W: That's Mike Boogie, right there.
P: Oh my god, he is so Mike Boogie.
W: Look at him. Come on!
P: The sideways baseball cap, oh my god.
W: All he needs is that upside down visor. And evil Dr. Will.
P: And some roofies..
("Somewhere Only We Know")
W: Oh this isn't a sucky song. This is Bright Eyes or something isn't it?
P: Yeah, it is a good song. He's still got that… quality, but.
W: Yeah.
P: Well, good song choice, I guess.
W: I just had one of those moments of artificial insight about people's sexual practices.
P: Okay…?
W: Yeah. he's a premature ejaculator.
P: Ha!
W: And then he cries.
P: I can't get past that mental image to know if this performance is any good or not.
W: No, it was good. It was probably the best so far. I just don't like him. And I think he's wearing slides.
P: Randy, do not encourage him.
W: Yeah, beatboxing is totally appropriate IN THE KEANE SONG. Shut up, Randy.
P: "I love you too, Paula! I put some GHB in your Coke cup!"

(Sanjaya Malakar)
W: Chicken Tandoori! See, it's gray night. Everyone's wearing frickin' gray.
P: So clearly gray is the new black, and Empire waists are back.
W: Apparently. Or maybe they had to wear cool colors because that set is all Satanic.
P: He's got a Stevie Wonder kind of quality.
W: Yeah, I like him.
P: It's nice that he loves his sister. I wonder how many shots of her crying in the audience we'll see over the course of the season.
("Knocks Me Off My Feet")
P: Isn't this a Stevie Wonder song?
W: I think so.
P: Wow, I called it. Nobody's going to believe that I did this. I don't think he sounds that good right now though.
W: Well there he sure didn't. His sister is trying to knock him out if she picked this song. Talk about passive aggressive. "No, Sanjaya, sing the song nobody's ever heard of. With no discernable melody!"
P: I love when Randy laughs, Like "You suck, ha ha, and furthermore…"
W: And here's Paula…
P: "Soul... magic... fluffy magic pony
W: That melts on the wonderfulness of the world's ear…" Hey, do you think Randy's ever getting laid from his job on AI?
P: That's a disturbing question.
W: He probably is. That's even more disturbing.
P: Don't make pouty lips, Sanjaya.
W: No—be a man, Sanjaya!

(commercials)

(Chris Sligh)
W: I love Chris Sligh.
P: Yeah, I really like him. Did you read his blog?
W: No, he's got a blog?
P: Yeah, he pulled it, but someone saved the archives It's all about how he's a Born Again Christian.
P: I still like him. As long as he doesn't hate gay people like Mandisa.
W: Oh yeah, that's right.
("Typical ")
P: I don't know this song, but I like it.
W: Yeah, I do too! And he has good stage presence. Although now I suspect it was some God rock.
P: He's gonna sing Creed before the season is over.
W: That's what I thought this was at first, was Creed.

(commercials)

(Jared Cotter)
P: Now Ryan's going to make the "Welcome Back Cotter joke"
W: I just made it! You just cockblocked my Welcome Back Cotter joke."
("Back At One ")
P: Why is he holding his hand in a "dick in a box" motion?
W: He's showing America that he has the balls to be an American Idol. I find his pointing at the camera threatening.
P: I am getting a date rapey vibe from him too.
W: Yeah, he's cruising with Captain Date Rape.
P: Maybe he wouldn't actually date rape you, he'd just tell you you'd do it if you really loved him.
W: And he'd point a lot. And again, here's another one of my inappropriate sexual flashes…
P: … do tell!
W: He demands blow jobs but then he grabs your head and pushes it down.
P: Yeah, good call.
W: Which is too bad, because he's a good looking boy and w hen he's not singing,. I'm not creeped out.
P: Yeah a little too aggressive. And he also will not yodel in the valley.
W: Oh of course not. Those hair grabbers, they never yodel. In the Venn Diagram, those are two completely separate circles.

(commercials)

(A J Tabaldo)
AJ: "My Idol dream has been every word in the dictionary."
W: "Abscond?"
(" Never Too Much ")
P: Is this Lionel Richie or something?
W: I don't like his turned up polo collar. He was a fetus when people were turning up their polo collars. Is that back in?
P: This guy sings in his car. Or in gay bars.
W: Yeah, I'll co-sign that.
P: He did look like he was having fun, though. Like, "bring me another lemon drop!"

(commercials)

(Phil Stacey)
P: Oh this is the guy who you somehow inexplicably think is hotter than Chris.
W: YES.
P: He's got weird serial killer eyes.
W: I'm okay with that. I agree his eyebrows are a little overexuberant… oh, this was the guy who skipped out on his baby.
P: And there's their baby. I feel neutral about his baby.
("I Could Not Ask for More")
P: Serial killer. Creepy weird serial killer.
W: This is Edwin McCain! Not from KR. I'm not sating that he has the sex appeal of Chris, okay? Or Ace. I'm saying that I am not neutral about him. I am pro-serial killer, I guess.
P: He's got a good voice. I will give you that.
W: He's a little goofy looking, though.
P: I like goofy looking, it's just.. I don't know. Maybe if he had hair.
W: If he had his eyebrows done. Differently. Wait, You mean if he had a little Picard fringe?
P: No…
W: I think there were letters in the clouds in the background that said "Vote for Phil."
P: Subliminal messages: the next generation of Chris lights.
W: It is, because we figured out the Chris lights.
P: The judges are totally into him.
W: "Damnit America, YOU WILL TAKE A BALD AMERICAN IDOL."
P: And Simon brought up Chris, as a "past American Idol," which.. he wasn't.

P: Phil has pretty eyes, I guess.
W: And he has charisma. I think it's bald men with chains. The neck chain thing? It's good.
P: Does he have blush on?
W: It does look that way.
P: He looks like a mortician. There's something. I'll figure it out.
W: He looks like somebody in the non-union touring group of Les Miserables.
P: Playing whom? Some sad Frenchy?
W: Some nameless revolutionary who gets killed at the barricades. And he secretly hates the kid who plays what's his face.
P: Gavroche?
W: Yeah, Gavroche. He gets all the good lines.

(recap)
W: I feel pandered to with Dr. Pepper. I feel like he's pandering to me. And with Brandon I feel he would be more effective if he were examining DNA on a corpse. And once again I'm creeped out by Sundance. See, now who do you think is creepier: Phil or Sundance?
P: Well neither of them is as creepy as Mike Boogie!
W: Or Captain Date Rape?
P: Exactly.
W: Oh, I love Paul Kim.
P: I forgot about this guy! Singing my Karaoke revolutionary song.
W: It is yours. You are the karaoke revolutionary.
P: Oh here's Cap'n Date Rape.
W: My prediction, date rape is going to top 12, mike boogie is going to top 12…
…Jack Osborne definitely. I don't think Sanjaya is, sadly enough. Unless the tween set likes him, like Chicken little.
P: Sundance might be gone.
W: I think Sundance is gone. I think the chubby American sympathetic vote is being split, but its going to weigh heavily to Chris Sligh. And I don't know about Captain Date Rape's wing man, here.
P: Mr. Blowjob.
W: Yeah, he might get into the pretty vote. And AJ here will get in with the gay vote.
P: He's definitely, like, trade.
W: I think that we... is that six now? That means poor Paul Kim is out.
P: I think Brandon is in.
W: I think Jack Osborne is in for sure, Phil Stacy I'm going to say yes he is. AJ is. I have a feeling about Cap'n Date Rape but I hope I'm wrong. And that leaves two spots for wild cards.
P: I'm going to say Brandon and Paul Kim. Mike Boogie, Jack Osborne.. I'll say Phil Stacy… and… I'm gonna go with Sanjaya as a wild card.
W: I don't think Brandon's gonna be in, and I think AJ will. And I don't think Sanjaya is in. And I kinda do think Cap'n Date rape is gonna get in
P: So to speak.
W: He's gonna get in somewhere, goddamnit, he bought you four drinks.

TOP 12 GIRLS

P: There is Ryan high-fiving the girls. He just said "good highlights" to someone.
W: Yeah, he's totally straight. "Hi, I'm Ryan Seacrest and I wear lifts."

W: A montage. Of… yesterday. So officially I'm skeeved by Sundance. I'm not sure if I said that but they just showed him and I was like "uuuugggh.
P: Okay, we do not need to recap the montage of the thing that we just recapped.
W: I agree.
(We talk about Weetacon, our swag, haircuts, this weeks episode of The Office, prednisone… and the montage is still continuing.)
P: Okay, it's finally over. Now there's gonna be commercials, watch.
W: Ryan doesn't have a Dunkelman. And we're just gonna introduce and then there will be commercials.
P: Oh, did you see Antonella's blowjob pictures?
W: Yes. She's got really pretty eyes, like we said.
P: She's got really pretty eyes when she's looking up at someone whose dick she's sucking.
W: When she's looking at us through pubic hair.
P: And now Ryan and the judges are having this meaningless conversation.
W: I guess it's like their idea of foreplay, but its like the kind of foreplay when the guy is sticking his tongue in your ear and you're like "uh, stop it."
P: Ryan's being made to fill time with this useless banter.
W: So he is going for anything,. Like a drowning man going for a life raft. Ugh, a montage!
P: Okay, again with the not caring.

(commercials)

(Stephanie Edwards)
P: Oh I remember her.
W: I don't remember her at all.
P: Well soak up the montage.
W: I will. This is why the montages exist.
P: Because they've never shown any of these people before?
("How Come You Don't Call Me ")
W: I like her dress. It's unique.
P: She's got a nice smoky voice. And I love the colors of her dress.
W: They're unexpected but they're very chic right now.
P: Yeah, and the cut is great. That is a great dress.
W: Now, we didn't have anything close to this talent with the performances of the boys.
I know. I guess they don't want a male idol.
W: That was fantastic. Stephanie, yay. I say yes.
P: That was great, and she looks fabulous.
W: What is Paula wearing?

[Ryan announces Amy Krebs and Lesley Hunt coming up next]
W: How badly do I wish that Lesley Hunt's last name began with a K?
P: If you mixed Lesley Hunt and Amy Krebs together you'd get… Lamy Kunt.
W: Where does the Krebs come in?
P: I… have no idea.

(commercials)

W: Wow, Melinda Doolittle is lying. She said the guys were amazing.
P: That is in fact, a big fat lie. Oh, there's Antonella Blowjob.
W: I didn't recognize her without the cock in her mouth.

(Amy Krebs)
W: She's much better when she has a little body in her hair. I have to say, I don't like her with the flattened hair.
P: I don't remember this girl at all.
W: From your mouth to Simon's mouth. He just said the same thing.
("I Can't Make You Love Me")
W: It's Bonnie Raitt! This is a very hard song to sing. I can't sing it at karaoke, even though it's in my range.
P: I bet you can.
W: I really can't. I don't smoke enough, is the answer. I don’t have a smoky enough voice. Bonnie Raitt has a rode-hard-and-put-away-wet kind of voice. And I sound like a mermaid. Or a 12-year-old.
P: That is totally untrue by the way. I feel this performance is… fine.
W: It's meeting the expectations. No, it's "up for the requirement."
P: It's been over for a second and I've already forgotten it.
W: Yeah.
P: Randy's saying slightly more interesting things this season. And Paula's actually being semi-critical.
W: But apologizing for doing it.
P: I like Simon's candle analogy. It doesn't really make sense, but I like it. "How can Amy be more memorable?"
W: Light her hair on fire. Seriously, she needs to color her hair.
P: She's got this forced pageant smile, and you can tell she wants to kill herself.
W: She knows there's no hope.

(Lesley Hunt)
P: I like her, she's cute. She's got a Drew Barrymore quality.
W: She's got pretty eyes. I bet she's got good stage presence.
P: When you say "pretty eyes" I wonder if that’s code for "gives a good blowjob."
W: Yes. Yes it is.
("Natural Woman")
W: Ooh, and she's doing Carole King.
P: Love. Those. Boots.
W: I know. Just awesome. And yet the dress is kind of quirky to go with those boots. And gray is apparently the new black.
P: I think she looks adorable.
W: She's doing this weird bobblehead thing, though. I think she's just nervous.
P: I am totally on board with his chick.
W: Even though her last name doesn't end with a K sound.
P: That's your criteria, not mine.
W: It's just the little things that make me laugh.
P: Like "The Black Family" on Amazing Race.
W: Yes! Exactly.
P: She is fun.
W: I think she's off key a little bit. But that’s really hard to sing. I don't even know if I know how it's supposed to sound.
P: I like her a lot more than the judges did.
W: I think they're constructively criticizing her. I see some truth in what they were saying. She could definitely improve her performance style.
P: Oh god, the Dawg Pound.

P: "Sabrina Sloan and Antonella Barba get their close-ups next." Antonella's already had hers.
W: She's already had her money shot. So is she getting kicked out for that?
P: Probably. We'd better make the blowjob jokes while we can.

(commercials)

(Sabrina Sloan)
P: I feel like she reminds me of someone. Jennifer Grey, if she were half black?
W: Yeah, with all those Dirty Dancing curls?
P: I think it's her mouth.
W: From certain shots she kind of looks like Sandra Bullock too.
("I Never Really Loved A Man…")
P: I don't know this song, but she's doing a pretty good job.
W: It's on the Commitments! This is old school Motown. My sister came told me that the theme of this episode is "You're only good if you're black." And that's kind of holding true.
P: That was good.
W: It was great. I'm not sure about her skinny jeans, but I enjoyed it. What language is Randy talking?
P: "We take a lot of stick"?
W: What does that even mean?
P: I hear Antonella Barba takes a lot of stick.
W: That's what she said.

(Antonella Barba)
W: I can't look at her without thinking about what her nipples look like.
P: They look weird.
W: I think she's had implants since then.
P: Oh yeah. She definitely did not have them in the pictures.
("Don't Want To Miss A Thing")
W: She's doing Aerosmith?
P: I think it's an interesting song choice. And… that was an interesting note she just hit.
W: She's a little goaty.
P: Just watching her hold a microphone is funny.
W: You expect it to go down and touch her tonsils. That guy is whispering to the girl next to him "She sucked my balls."
P: Hee.
W: And the worst part is, that's her father. Oh, that's wrong.
P: That is so wrong.
W: What's with that? She did this weird movement like "Here are my breasts."
P: She's terrible. But I hope she doesn't get eliminated because: no more blow job jokes.
W: And the world is a richer place for the blow job jokes.

Randy: What do you think I'm gonna say right now"?
W: "You sound like a goat"? ""Will you suck my cock?"
P: Paula's fallback—"you're so pretty."
W: "Your shirt is red. I like red."
P: That’s actually a pretty whorish looking red.
W: Simon's like, "The good news is, you can always suck my cock to get through to the next round."

(commercials)

(Jordin Sparks)
P: Look how cute Jordin Sparks is.
W: I really like Jordin Sparks' shirt.
P: She is cute as a button. She reminds me of America Ferrera.
W: She does. When America Ferrera is allowed to be pretty.
P: Aww.
W: I love her!
P: I want her to win! Go Jordin!
("Give Me One Reason")
P: Oh, nice song choice. This is a great song, and its really fun the way she's singing it.
W: This is perfect.
P: Please don’t lose 50 pounds, Jordin Sparks.
W: I like that I can't see her frickin' shoulder bones.
P: I think she's perfect—she's gorgeous.
W: She is. She's absolutely perfect. I'm glad that we get to hear Jordin sing all season.

(commercials)

(Nicole Tranquilo)
W: She reminds me of Alanis Morisette.
P: I can see that. I feel that she's just.. generic.
W: Yeah. Again, I think she needs to color her hair.
("Stay Together")
W: This isn't pretty.
P: This is… awkward and weird.
W: It is. Is it performance art?
P: She's just got… not a nice voice.
W: I love how her dad is off-beat clapping for her. This is awful.
P: It is, it's screechy.
W: It's off-putting.
P: This does not make me want to vote for her or see her again.
W: Exactly.
P: I don't know why Paula likes her. I agree with Randy—wrong vibe.
W: She looks like she's about to cry. She's got a really good smoky eye going, though.
P: I don’t know what the right attitude is when you get criticized by the judges but I don’t think she's coming off well.

(commercials)

(Haley Scarnato)
W: I kinda like her dress.
P: Big necklaces are also in, I guess. Oh, this is pantsuit girl!
W: Yes. Who has a nice back, you said.
P: I think I liked her and her pantsuit.
W: I liked her a lot.
("It's All Coming Back To Me Now.")
W: Yay! Celine Dion. And that’s a pantsuit!
P: She enjoys pantsuits.
W: She does the making love to the camera like McPheever. She does that smile and glance to the camera.
P: She's not wowing me, but I like her. It's not quite Celine, and that's the problem.
W: It's the Splenda version.
P: I am pulling for her to make it though. I think she can do better.
W: I think she can do better too.

(Melinda Doolitle)
P: Oh, she's sweet. I saw her with Jen Wade and we were talking about how she looks like she's always shrugging her shoulders.
W: She does.
P: I don't know if she is shrugging them, or if they're just high.
W: She might just be a small boned person.
P: Or a small-necked person.
W: Maybe.
P: Well I like her and her tiny neck.
W: Maybe her head is just really big. Or her shoulders are really muscular.
(" Since You've Been Gone")
P: Now she's shrugging them during the song.
W: Maybe that's how they got so strong, al the shrugging. I think she's awesome though.
P: Yeah, she's great.
W: How old is she? It's like she's 48.
P: I constantly forget that Taylor Hicks is, in theory, not 48.
W: She's got Taylor Hicks disease.
P: I think in this case it's her hair. She has old hair. And a mature voice.
W: And this weird body that she's got going on, with the shoulders.
P: Niiiiice. Wow, great voice.
W: She's fantastic. Ryan's happy because he's taller than her.
P: Aw, Ryan likes her. Not that way…
W: Obviously.

(Alaina Alexander)
P: This girl is so pretty. She has pretty eyes.
W: And not the kind with the cock in the mouth.
("Brass In Pocket ")
P: Oh I like this song. Lost in Translation!
W: It's a good song for her to do, because she has a good smoky voice.
P: She's kinda off though, in the singing part of it.
W: A little bit.
P: She's got gorgeous hair.
W: She's pretty much perfect.
P: Except her voice.
W: Yeah.. well… isn't she the one we didn't like because she felt she deserved it?
P: I guess I'm back to liking her again. I'm fickle.
W: Yes you are.
P: That last note, not so good.
W: No. Once again, if you're white and singing, you suck.
P: "Ryan, are you trying to date this girl?" They’re both stunned by the suggestion.
W: The gears are turning in Ryan's head. "Date girl. Does not compute."

(Gina Glocksen)
W: I like her. and also, I've been to Naperville Illinois and it's kind of sucky.
P: I think she needs some styling help.
W: She does, yeah. But I think her hair is taking chances, and I like that.
("All By Myself")
W: I love this song.
P: Who doesn't love this song?
W: Communists.
P: Terrorists.
W: If I didn't have pneumonia, I'd sing along with it. When the music ramps up like that, I just get verkelmt.
P: That glory note, she could hold it, but I didn't like the tone.
W: It was a brave note. She went for it. But it was a harsh tone.
P: There's something about the tone of her voice I don't enjoy.
W: "Big girl, big voice"? Did Randy just call her fat?
P: And Ryan called Jordin fat before!
W: I think he was mocking himself, and calling himself tiny.
P: Hmm. Maybe.

(commercials)

(LaKisha Jones)
P: I love LaKisha.
W: I do too. We didn't get to see any of these cute outfits from LaKisha.
P: Because she's gonna win and we'll see lots of cute outfits.
("And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going")
P: This song is a big fucking risk. Especially when J. Hudson is about to win an Oscar for singing it.
W: This is ballsy.
P: I mean, she can fuckin' sing it.
W: Maybe she picked it because the Jennifer Hudson role in Dreamgirls is about the fat girl. Maybe she's always identified with the character.
P: She's really into it, she's great. She's another one of those fat girls not afraid to show her arms.
W: She's awesome.
P: She's really performing it. I can't believe she's singing this, and it rules.
W: I love her. I like her crazy face, and her tooth… I love her.
P: Go for it, LaKisha.
W: She looks so pretty too. And that hair is great tonight.
P: Aw, standing ovation from the Dawg Pound!
W: And the whole audience.
P: Yay LaKisha! Look at Simon's big watch strap. It's huge!
W: That’s what she said.
P: Hee. I agree with Simon, it was in a different league. And those other girls do not look happy.
W: They're like, "Fucking hell. At least she's fat."

P: Now it's time for another montage, right? And now we have to predict the final six. Stephanie, yes. Amy, no.
W: Yeah…
P: Leslie, no, even though I like her.
W: Unfortunately.
P: Sabrina, yes… Antonella definitely no. Unless she opens her mouth really wide and swallows that microphone. Jordin for sure yes.
W: Yes. love Jordin. Nicole, so not. Wow, my sister was right.
P: Haley might be one of the white girls to make it.
W: There will al ways be people who only vote for white girls.
P: Melinda yes, I hope.
W: I hope, but I have a feeling that she won't wow as much as LaKisha or Jordan. I would have thought the same thing about Paris.
P: Alaina probably not, except she's really pretty. I could see her sticking around undeservedly.
W: I think Gina's gonna go. Like Amy Adams.
P: LaKisha, absolutely yes. And that's one.. two.. oh, we said no to more than six.
W: In that case Alaina and possibly Gina, those would be my wild cards.
P: I would agree with you.

[Due to time and scheduling constraints this week, we did not recap the results show. The two girls out were Nicole and Amy—Pie felt they were both forgettable and generic; Weetabix felt they both needed to dye their hair. The two guys were Rudy "Diet Dr. Pepper" Cardenas and Paul "In Spite of the Feet" Kim. We'll be back next week with a liveblog, since for once, we will both be in the same town. There will be wine, and merriment, and I think it is safe to say, more blowjob jokes. In the meantime…Weetapidol out.]

7 Comments:

Blogger toxicfur said...

You guys are awesome. It's worth it to watch American Idol, just so I have context for reading the live blogs. Keep up the great work.

10:31 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I feel sorry for Antonella. She seems like a nice enough kid. How humiliating must it be to have photos like that surface? You know that dick (literally) is some ex-boyfriend. I used this as an object lesson for my 13-year-old.

1:36 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have not heard of these photos! Where have I gone wrong?

Rachel

2:03 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Why does it have to be about someones past? When Miss America got busted with drugs...of course she got another chance? Vanessa Williams posed nude..and she lost her crown. Isn't it about talent in this case? Media...it sucks. Then there are the people who profit off of other people instead of getting their own frickin' life. Hmmmmmmmm...wonder what they have hidden in their closets?

6:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Where can I order my Weetapidol t-shirt? Great job with the fabulous recap. You guys are so awesome and funny.


S

7:35 AM  
Blogger B Matthews said...

Hiliarious as always. I'm glad you guys are reuniting this week (and I'm sure you are too). I look forward to reading these blogs... they're fabulous!

9:44 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Do you think the idea of the pictures posted of Antonella being fake is the "real" truth?

2:51 PM  

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