Saturday, May 06, 2006

Top 5 Belated Results

Better late than never! Pie and Weet got together to hit the Tivo’d version of AI. However, technical difficulties persist and we join the broadcast 9 minutes into it.

P: Oh, it’s their video. Oh Chris. Chris even manages to look hot when he’s in the stupidest commercial on earth. The rest of them look retarded, but Chris… hot. Well, Paris doesn’t look bad either. That’s why she’s in the front seat with Chris.
W: (Typing)
P: Are they supposed to be…what... Tina Turner, Jamiroquai, I don’t know what… oh, wait, Dennis Rodman, Mad Max, and Katharine… that is a really horrible dress. Like, she’s supposed to be some fat chick? I mean, she’s still got great buttons, but the dress is just not that flattering.
W: It’s… regrettable.
P: We’re down to the final five and they are all talented, so I wouldn’t be upset if any of them won. Like, Katharine I don’t want to win as much because she’s a Scientologist with crazy stage parents, and Taylor’s got the claw, so I wouldn’t necessarily pick him. But none of them would offend me. Like last year when Carrie won, and I was like, ugh.
W: (Typing)
P: Does Chris have some kind of weird… type... wallet chain? It’s like a uber wallet chain. You can decide what that is, you’re the WC expert.
W: It’s just peeping hot.
P: It’s hot because it’s pointing at his penis. If you can still think he’s hot when he’s wearing the Jamiroquai hat, and the low collar shirt and the armless thing? I don’t know. You’ve got problems.
W: WC! Katharine’s laughing like, ‘I can’t believe they made me wear that shit!’
P: They’re laughing like they’ve never seen themselves in one of those dippy ass commercials before.
W: Ryan, no Dunkleman!

(Paris recap)
Simon: Screechy and annoying.
W: I wouldn’t call it screechy.
P: It was kind of annoying. Oh god, Chris (fans self). Oh, I loved that.
W: I can’t believe you’re switching horses mid-race.
P: I’m not switching horses. I’ve liked Chris since the beginning.
W: He’s no Ace.
P: He’s a lot more het than Ace.
W: Het?
P: Hetero. It takes me a while to warm up to the heteros, but once I’m there…
W: Hahahaha.
P: Awesome dinner by the way. P.S. Awesome.
(Katharine recap)
W: I actually think she did that better than the original.
P: There’s the dress I love.

Ryan: Someone has to go home. Who’s it going to be?
P: Well, we know who it’s going to be, because it’s Saturday. But I knew anyway, because Dial Idol knew. It takes all the guesswork out of it now, since they’re always right. Want me to prepare the next wine?
W: Which one?
P: which one do you want? One True Wine?
W: Well. we don’t have to work tomorrow. We could do the Pinot something….
P: You’re right, intermediate wine. Tonight would be the night. Pinot Blanc?
W: That’s it.

P: I wish Ryan would go back to wearing t-shirts and blazers instead of these weird prommy things. I don’t like it.
(Taylor is safe)
W: Yeah, as if Taylor was out.
P: I know, he was the first person on the couch. And as if Chris isn’t safe. I want to lick his bald head, is that weird?
W: Which bald head?
P: Yes.

(Paris is in the bottom two)

W: This is like watching the tv news for an event you’ve already been to.
P: Paris has too many accessories. The necklace and the brooch and the belt… it’s too much.
W: It’s the Flash Gordon belt.
P: She needs to do that rule where you spin around and then look in the mirror and take off the first thing you see.
W: Except she should spin a few times.
P: Paris also kind of has nice buttons. I shouldn’t say that. She’s seventeen. My rule is twenty one.
W: She seems to be having more fun.
P: I wish good things for her. It’s a good shirt too.
W: But not that belt. Not ever.
P: Yeah. This song does not show off her voice that well.
W: She reverted back to the exact same choreography.
P: Now she’s showing some tummy. What is Ryan chasing her with?
W: Her microphone fell off.
P: This wine isn’t bad.
W: No, it’s definitely not objectionable.
P: We should have started with this one, since it’s milder.
(Thanks for drinking ad on the bumper)
P: Thanks for drinking? You’re WELCOME!

(Down to Katharine and Elliot)

P: Elliott, when he doesn’t show his teeth is pretty ok looking. Katharine, however, is preternaturally gorgeous and it’s annoying.
W: Is he wearing white shoes with black jeans?
P: No, he’s wearing black and white shoes with black jeans, but they are sort of unfortunate. Yeah, it’s his teeth that are not good. It’s like Bucky Covington, who seems like four million years ago. He was ok until he shows his teeth too. All I see is a chimpanzee begging for its life.
W& P: Hee hee hee!
W: He also has bat ears.
P: Yeah, .but that’s your issue. (makes flying bat noise)
W: I’m not sure what’s going on with his t-shirt.
P: I like it. It’s my favorite current style for men. I’m trying to convince Ian to wear that, because it’s hot.
(It’s Paris)
P: Oh Paris. Elliott looks so sad. And Katharine’s the only girl.
W: Because they are bound and determined to have two white guy finalists.
P: Yeah, well, they have a 75 percent chance of it and Katharine’s probably gone next week. She’s being set up to be out next week, since she wasn’t in the bottom two so she doesn’t have the fear vote. You know, I think Paris is going to be ok, in a few years, she’s just going to be ok. Oh, there’s Mandisa in the background, who also feels like years ago. I think she’s going to be ok too.
Tivo (stops)
P: Well, that was that. Well, now it’s three white guys and Katharine’s boobs.
W: It’s your vote America!
P: I should update the Idol pool. I think in honor of Paris, we should eat cupcakes.
W: Done.

Idol Pool Update:
13 points this week for Ana, Editrix, and the birds. 12 points for Pie, Trance, and Celine. 11 points for Martha and Merr. 10 points for Weet and Shmuel. And 9 points for Bailey. Overall score:

86 points: Ana and Pie
85 points: Martha and Trance
83 points: Celine
81 points: Bailey and Editrix
80 points: Shmuel
73 points: Weet
70 points: the parakeets
69 points: Merr

Thanks for reading! See you next Tuesday! (Er… hmm…)


Blogger Kim said...

Next weeks theme is Elvis. I am one of those crazy Elvis fans with plates and dolls, who actually eats fried peanut butter and banana sandwiches. Occasionally.

Simon says the theme is great for Taylor and Chris, while Kat and Elliot are vulnerable. Yes, well, hmm. It comes down to song choice and I am actually more worried for Chris. And Chris, don't make me hate by giving Jailhouse Rock the Creed/Live treatment. Because I will. Hate. You.

So, I am so sorry but Chris has to be my new Paris, who was my new Kellie, who was my new Ace, who was my new Bucky. I don't think Kat or Taylor are going anywhere and I just love Elliot.

Last season, both Carrie and Vonzell did Elvis in one night. I thought the AI producers were playing a joke on me.

5:31 AM  

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