Wednesday, April 12, 2006

In Which Ace Probably Goes Home

Okay, reality television people. Moving Amazing Race to Tuesdays was one thing, because we have this TiVo-type thing that allows us to tape two things at once, so I guess that was okay, even though you did it in the middle of the season inexplicably. But now we've got American Idol starting a half hour early, at the same time as Race and America's Next Top Model. This is really challenging our multitasking abilities. How are we supposed to watch three shows, drink all the wine, eat our crab-stuffed mushroom, eggplant and un-pie feast, and drunk-dial Kim's podcast simultaneously? It's too much! We're not magicians here!

Dial Idol is predicting an Ace-Bucky-Chris bottom three, although Ace and Bucky are really close, as are Chris and Katharine. In our pool, we have two Aces, a Bucky, two Parises, and three Elliots. Some residual Lisas and Kevins from people who generally would benefit if Bucky goes home. So as always, we'll see what happens.

We note that Kellie looks pretty and that Ryan still has Dunkelman's ghost in his pocket.

P: "Randy's wearing a horrifying shirt again."
Paula: [Simon] just tickled me under the table.
W: "With his cock?"
P: "Ryan is also wearing a tie tack that sparkles. I am oddly hypnotized by his tie tack.
W: "I like how they're pretending a white guy isn't going to win. Wait, Simon's a millionaire?"
P: "Oh, totally."
W: "Suddenly, he's hot."
[Recap of last night.]
P: "I still think Ace was pretty good. I dunno."
W: "That note was good. This wine is good."
P: "Bucky is kind of growing on me, weirdly. And Katharine is kind of un-growing on me."

P: "They're showing a montage of the contestants and, like, fat girls."
W: "That's what they're doing, alright. And listen to Chris! He's so good. And Bucky's so not."
P: "This montage is throwing me off."
W: "When did Queen record a Coke commercial?"
P: "Another one bites the dust."
W: "That's just mean."
[Weetabix expresses her love for every Queen song that is included in this medley.]
P: "Taylor's good too! I'm happy if anyone but Kellie wins at this point."
W: "I think our comments were right. I think Katharine really is a Scientologist."
P: "Hmm?"
W: "Let's have Un-Pie!"

[Ford Commercial]
P: "Wow, they all look hideous."
W: "Poor Paris, that's all I can say. Ooh, gratuitious hot guy arms!"
P: "Oh, that's nice."
W: "Wet Chris! Wet Chris! Bucky, on the other hand, is wearing sleeves."
P: "Ace looks incredibly gay."
W: "And they just did a crotch-cam shot up Paris's skirt. Poor Paris. That's almost kiddie porn."
[Everyone misses country cooking.]
Ryan: Elliot, what do you miss?
W: "'Matzoh ball soup...'"
Ryan: Ace, you clearly haven't missed the gym
W: "I'm glad Ryan hasn't missed Ace's hotness."
P: "Ace's mom is very pretty."
W: "I think we know where Elliot got his looks."
P: "Again, Taylor's mom looks younger than he does. And Paris's mom looks exactly like her."
W: "Wow, Bucky's mom has all her teeth. And there's an angel in the background, how sweet. And Chris's dad looks exactly like him, except with hair and a beard."
P: "That's a toupee."
W: "That's a bad toupee. Aw, Elliot's such a puss. That kind of makes me like Elliot more."

W: "I really hate Rod Stewart."
P: "I do too. I know someone who wrote one of his songs, though."
W: "Really?"
P: "Yeah. 'Rhythm of my Heart.'"
W: "The man continues to get the hottest women in creation, yet he looks like a gargoyle."

[Taylor's band montage]
W: "Looking at Taylor's band, I'm impressed. He's the handsomest one out of all of them."
P: "I think Taylor's not bad. Wait, he was born in 1976?"
[Argument about how old Taylor is, 28 or 29.]
P: "I'm still traumatized by the fact that I'm older than Taylor."
W: "Look at how they have everyone seated. The top row is Katharine, Chris, and Pick Pickler."
P: "Yeah, they're safe."
W: "No, I think someone from the top row is going to the seal."
[Katharine's montage]
W: "Katharine's so pretty. I'm swayed by her pretty. Oh! Ryan just gave her his Dunkleman!"
P: "She wiped her eyes with Dunkelman!"
[Chris's montage]
W: "Oh my god! Chris with hair! Chris with hair!"
P: "I ;ole Cjros/" [looks at screen] "I should keep that typo. It's kind of funny."
W: "Chris is safe. Is it too much to hope for Pick Pickler on the seal?"
P: "Yes, it's too much to hope for."

W: "Kellie is smiling because she has nothing to fucking worry about."
P: "She just called Dunkelman a snot rag."
W: "She's so cute."
[Pick Pickler montage]
W: "Ryan just called her Pickler too."
P: "Well they already have an idol named Kelly. They don't have one named Pickler."
W: "Alright, so bottom row... is fucked."
P: "Ryan just flung Dunkleman on the floor. He's being so abused."
[Elliot's montage]
W: "Aw. He was a cute baby. When did everything go wrong?"
P: "Aw, Elliot's mom."
W: "She's so sweet."
P: "And Elliot's in trouble. I like Elliot though. Suddenly I like Elliot."
W: "Poor Elliot."
P: "They're having Elliot sing. Total filler. But he's not gonna get laminated."
W: "They're gonna have him do random singing, now? He's doing his singout song right now?"
P: "He did tears, he pointed at his eyes! They're all taking lessons from Ace."
W: "Ace is backstage coaching. That's going to be his legacy. Ace can't go for many more years on just his looks.... I don't understand why they're having Elliot randomly sing in the middle of this."
P: "Maybe Queen cancelled or something."
W: "Maybe they found out that Kellie wasn't gonna give them
another blowjob."
P: "Elliot is good."
W: "Elliot IS good. He's actually got a little bit of charisma. And now Ryan's chastising us again."

W: "Ace knows he's gone."
P: "Ace knows and the audience knows. He's so pretty though. I like his tongue."
W: "'I like his tongue'? Jesus."
P: "He needs to cut his hair, though."
W: "He's crying! It's drops of Jupiter."
P: "Are they going to make him sing randomly? Paula doesn't think he's in trouble, then who is in trouble?"
W: "I don't wanna look at his armpit anymore."
P: "I'm not necessarily into his armpit, but I will be very happy if his prettiness stays another week."
W: "He's changing it up."
P: "I still think he's good enough to stay. I'm sorry."
W: "You don't have to apologize, I don't blame you. I do, however, vote off his armpit. And his leather pants."
P: "I can't believe you want to vote off his leather pants."
W: "Do you know how many cattle had to die to swath his ass?"

[Bucky montage]
P: "I can't understand a word Bucky's dad is saying."
W: "He's got marbles in his mouth. It's genetic. Aw, what can you say about a town where Bucky's all you've got? Time to move."
[Paris montage]
P: "Paris's grandmother looks exactly like the other two, and they're all about 20 years old."
W: "Her grandmother is HOT."
P: "She is absolutely hot."
W: "She's wearing a bathroom rug as a shirt, but she's absolutely hot."
[Paris is safe]
W: "The bottom three is all-male. This is weird. There's only two minutes left, but he has to sing?"
P: "Bucky has grown on me too. I don't know what's wrong with me."
W: "I don't know. He's not offensive. He's kind of harmless. That's what Bucky is. Mostly harmless."
P: "Of the three of them, I would rather see Bucky go home."
W: "Yeah, because Elliot is talented, and Ace is hot. And Bucky is country, just like Pickler... you know, if I had to pick between Bucky and Pickler, I'd kick Pickler."
P: "Oh, absolutely I'd kick Pickler."

[Bucky is laminated]
W: "Oh my god, Bucky! I'm surprised. I thought it would've been Ace."
P: "Well yeah. Aw, Bucky."
W: "Bucky had a bad day."
P: "I think this is the right call."
W: "Yeah. Between the three of them. I think the right call overall was Pickler. Poor Buckster."
[Moment of sadness]

Pool results:
Editrix is this week's winner with 13 points. 12 points for Pie and Shmuel. 11 points for Merr, Ana, Trance, Weet, and Bailey. 10 points for Martha and Celine. And 6 points for the parakeets, who loved Bucky. Current totals:

52 points: Martha, Pie
51 points: Ana, Bailey
50 points: Trance
49 points: Celine
48 points: Shmuel
46 points: Weet
44 points: Editrix
39 points: Merr, parakeets

Thanks for all your blog comments, and thanks for playing along!


Blogger eliza said...

I want y'all to know that this blog is the only reason I'm watching this show. Damn you both for sucking me in! (But please don't stop, for you are very funny.)

7:52 PM  
Anonymous Martha said...

I'm so glad you're here. I had taping issues tonight as well. We haven't entered the 21st Century so we don't have Tivo. We only have one working VCR and I opted to tape "Lost" while I was out at my book club meeting (which rocked! Has anyone read "The Coldest Winter Ever" by Sister Souljah? Great book.) But I digress.

I'm so happy that I could come home and get on Weetapidol for a play by play of tonight's events. Sounds like there were montages of each contestant. I'm sad I missed it. But I'm glad that Bucky's gone.

Anyone know what's on the agenda for next week?

7:53 PM  
Blogger bowling with no panties said...

Did any of you ever see that horribly schocky movie "Ford Fairlane" starring Andrew Dice Clay? It was a "thing" with me and an ex, we'd quote lines from it back and forth all the time.

There was a character called Kyle Troy who was this "next big thing" singer the villan (a record exec) was pushing who Ace TOTALLY reminds me of. Minimal talent, hot looks, pat moves (Touching his chest, the Jeez Hands, and his fuck-me-camera-and-by-extension-America eyes) and looking like he's about to have a total exploding tearful meltdown every time he's in the bottom three.

I can't believe he stayed. Dial Idol says he was on the bottom!!!!

Not that Bucky was going to win anyway, but still -- now we get to watch Ace tell Rod Stewart how he wants to sing the song.

I cannot cannot cannot believe that Kellie said "snot-rag"!

6:00 AM  
Blogger Kim said...

I don't like Bucky, but I call bullshit. It was Ace. I really hate it when the contestants go home the day after they rocked the song.

I swore my allegiance to Bucky and it got him booted. It won't work with Kellie, but maybe with Ace. Ace, you are my new Bucky. And all that implies.

Martha, it's Rod Stewart next week.

6:15 AM  
Anonymous Kat said...

Next week they'll be singing songs from Rod Stewart's American Songbook albums. All old crooner songs. That's gonna blow. I'm not much of a Rod Stewart fan anyway, but it'd be way better if they'd do his original songs instead. I can totally picture Ace doing "Da Ya Think I'm Sexy?"

10:05 AM  
Anonymous TranceJen said...

I so, so, SO thought it would be Ace. Even though I may have drooled at the sleeveless shirt.

Elliot is growing on me, too. I think he fucking rocked Somebody To Love.

My mom is a Bucky fan, inexplicably. She's going to be bummed.

You know what it is about Katherine?? She's TOO PERFECT. Everything is PERFECT. Perfect hair, perfect voice, perfect face, perfect body, perfect parents who are perfectly supportive... It makes you want to smack a bitch.


I'm just a bad person.

10:31 AM  
Anonymous editrix said...

The worst thing about Bucky leaving is that Pickler inherits all his redneck votes. Bad.

11:53 AM  
Anonymous Celine said...

Oh my God. When I read what Editrix wrote I think my heart stopped. Say it ain't so, America.

I need to go drink wine and pray that that doesn't actually happen.

That totally ruined my celebration of Bucky being gone.

4:36 PM  

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