Wednesday, April 19, 2006

In Which Ace Almost Certainly Goes Home

And back to his day job as, in the words of Kim, a hit man for the Gay Mafia. Awesome. (For the record, Weetabix think there might be a shocker in the shape of Paris or Chris. We'll see.)

I was pondering this season today and realizing that (except for Pick Pickler) once Ace is gone, I feel like there's a bunch of people I could reasonably stand to see win this thing. As opposed to last season when Carrie Underwhelming underwhelmed the hell out of me. Or the season when Fantasia (awesome) was stuck in the final three with Diana DeGarmo (not awesome) and Jasmine Trias (horrifyingly un-awesome). I might not even be anti-Pickler if she weren't a carbon copy of Carrie. On the other hand, it would be fun to see a Pickler-Carrie duet at some point.

Let the countdown to liveblog begin.

We're having a hard time switching the channel because we're into America's Next Top Model. Okay, we tore ourselves away. Ryan's introducing the judges. Ryan has crazy black-on-black stripes, we notice.

[Recap of last night]
W: "Rod Stewart's like, I grew this baby so I can harvest its skin."
P: "Creepy."
W: "I like this new finessing Elliot."
P: "Oh, Paris was so good."
W: "They didn't give Ace a very long clip."
P: "I didn't see Katharine's dad all weepy in the audience last night. I was probably typing. Oh god, I don't want to see Rod Stewart."
W: "We could throw on America's Next Top Model again."
P: "We should just throw in random recaps of that instead."

[Commercials]
[Ford commercial]
P: "This is kinda cool. Or maybe I just love this song. Oh... I love Ace's arms. This will probably be my last chance to see them."
W: "Yeah, I'm sorry. This is kinda cool. I like how Chris's is all fake rocker."
P: "With a fake guitar."
W: "Uh oh. Look at how they're sitting. Ace is in the drama spot!"

[Rod Stewart]
W: "Oh my god, is he doing 'Do You Think I'm Sexy!?' Oh no, he's having a seat. It was too much to hope for."
P: "Rod Stewart has had that jacket since 1972."
W: "I think so. It was a gift from Britt Ecklund. And why is he holding his hand up there? Is he trying to effect a claw?"
P: "I think he's holding his microphone."
W: "In another world, there's a weird kind of similarity between Rod Stewart and Tony Bennet."
P: "No, I totally see that."
W: "Just don't tell Rod Stewart about that."
P: "So, I hope Danielle doesn't get elminated."
W: "I fear they're telegraphing it. They couldn't possibly be getting rid of Brooke. They've only been talking about it for the past three episodes."
P: "I think Brooke is gone."
W: "It would be about time, but they got rid of Leslie instead of Brooke last week, even though Leslie took that great fairy tale picture. By the way, I think Joanie's going to be top two."
P: "I agree with you. Is Rod still singing? Ooh, pudding!"
[We eat pudding. Rod continues singing.]
W: "God, he's still singing. Now he's fake dancing. Hey, this sugar-free Jello is really starting to grow on me."
P: "Yeah, it's good."
W: "They're all wearing stars or something. I think Paula gave them all necklaces. Because I can't see Paris and Kellie being necklace buddies."
P: "Why would anybody have sex with Rod Stewart?"
W: "What if you were kissing him and you accidentally hit the mole?"
P: "AAAH!"

[Commercials]

P: "They're doing OPERA NEXT WEEK?"
W: "They're doing opera! I hope it's opera. I kind of love Andrea Bocelli. I'm also a sixty-five year old woman. Also, this reminds me of Italian food. And Vegas. Alternating, not at the same time.
P: "Um.."
W: "Like the dancing water at the Bellagio."
P: "Oh, I get it."
W: "I want to see Chris doing Puccini."

[Groups]
P: "Yeah, Elliot's in the bottom three. Oh no wait, Chris is in the bottom three."
W: "Yeah, I... I don't know. Oh Paris joins Chris. Chris is in the bottom three."
P: "He just called her Pickler. And she's safe. Fucking Pickler. I feel like I'd like her a lot more if she was in the bottom three when she was supposed to be."
W: "I know. If she wasn't an unstoppable tide."
P: "Taylor's also an unstoppable tide, but I don't resent him for it. Oh, I heard something awesome about him on the radio today."
W: "That he has gray pubes?"
P: "Hee."
W: "I kind of like his glower."
P: "Oh shit, they're pulling a George Huff on him! But there are enough people who did well that it's like, who are you gonna pick?"
W: "It would be truly shocking if the bottom three were Eliiot, Katherine, and Kellie. Is it too much to hope that it's Pickler?"
P: "Yes, it's too much to hope."

[Commercials]
P: "What the DJ said she liked about Taylor was that if you paid him minimum wage to stand on a street corner and sing, he'd do it."
W: "That's a good point. I bet that's true."
P: "Now he has to pick a group."
W: "And Taylor faked out Ryan! Taylor totally faked out Ryan!"
P: "He knows Ace is in the bottom three, I mean come on."
W: "That's why he went over and shook Chris's hand."
P: "Like, 'dude, it's not you.'"
W: "Honestly, I'm worried about Paris. Oh, thank you Ryan, for relieving that."
P: "It's obviously not Chris. This is not so shocking. They tried, but..."
W: "Yeah."
P: "Chris looks tiny next to Ace."
W: "I'm sorry. Your eye candy is going away."
P: "It was time."
W: "I knew the slicked-back hair would be the death of him."

[Montage]
P: "Montage of pretty."
W: "I didn't know Paula was in love with him."
P: "And they showed the Jesus hands."
W: "He's very pretty."
P: "But can you imagine him singing opera? That would not be pretty."
W: "Goodbye, shit in the pocket. Goodbye, cuff over the sleeve. Goodnight, John Boy."

Idol pool update:
13 points: Trance
12 points: Ana, Pie, Martha, Celine, Editrix
11 points: Merr, the birds, Shmuel, Bailey
10 points: Weetabix

Overall score:
64 points: Martha and Pie
63 points: Ana and Trance
62 points: Bailey
61 points: Celine
59 points: Shmuel
56 points: Weet, Editrix
50 points: Merr, the parakeets

Thanks for playing! Weetapidol out.

9 Comments:

Anonymous Martha said...

I will miss the eye candy - but you're right, the hair last night did him in....

PLEASE vote off Pickler next week America!

6:44 PM  
Anonymous Trance said...

WHY??? WHY NOT PICKLER?? WHY????

Sigh. The Pretty is gone. I will miss The Pretty, even though it was also The Unimpressive Talent. Damn! No more eye candy!!

Chris being in the bottom three was just plain wrong.

6:52 PM  
Blogger SubUrban Housewife said...

A man-bun is never a good idea!

I am soooo buying stock in votefortheworst.com. It's their fault Pick Pickler is still there. She was far worse than Ace, and that's saying a lot!

7:10 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"when alls else fails have cute shoes!" *eye roll* Send that bleep home!

S

8:36 PM  
Anonymous Celine said...

Oh my God. I feel like we are the anti-Pickler team over here!

I realized that I say the same thing here every week. But really, why is she still here? I don't get it.

If she doesn't go home next week, somebody's gonna get a hurt on.

9:32 PM  
Anonymous Kat said...

Whoever told Rod Stewart that he can sing? Because, um...no. I give him a 2, which is being generous. Any one of those Idol hopefuls could have done a better job than him. Yes, even Pickler. Plus, I think he may have thrown back a few with Paula before the show.

When I saw Andrea Bocelli, I too thought, opera next week? What the hell? But no. The theme will be "classic love songs." That does not bode well for Chris. Crap.

8:12 AM  
Anonymous lisa-marie said...

Why is Pickler still there?! She stunk Tuesday night - STUNK! And she admitted it! Gah! I even had the perfect Pickler's leaving haiku; guess it'll have to wait.

10:35 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

As much as I hate the Pickler, the entertainment I get from her is starting to outweigh her horrifying visage. What'd she say to Rod, exactly–"That's a load off mah chest!"– believe me when I tell you the bukkake jokes were fast and furious in MY household that night.

-Sundry

11:31 AM  
Blogger Bozoette said...

You know, I actually remember when Rod Steward WAS sexy, sort of. Which is just very very sad.

12:35 PM  

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