Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Top 6 Results (Peep)

Tonight we are drinking Simon Creek Vineyards Viogner. Abby is drinking sparking cherry wine. We are all still in shock about the elimination on America's Next Top Model, which we won't spoil. Let's see if we're equally shocked by the elimination tonight!

W: "Ryan is looking boring tonight."
P: "He looks tired to me."
W: "He looks young. Like maybe he's aging backwards and has a portrait of his evil deeds in his attic."
P: "Did you read about Ryan's feud with Paula Abdul? He says he's not speaking to her."
W: "Not speaking to her during the show?"
P: "We'll see. No, he's talking to her."
W: "She looks like she put on every piece of jewelry in her closet."
P: "Ooh, they just cleared it up!"
W: "I think Simon's listening in on the liveblogging."
P: "Before we've even posted it."
W: "Yes. He's in this room. The call is coming from inside the house! He's in your pants."
P: "I'm not sure how anyone's pants factor into it."
W: "He's in my pants."
P: "Because he's a millionaire?"
W: "No. Because he's British. (Simon is not really in my pants. I am a happily married woman. I just want to make that clear, in case he's listening. From inside my pants.)"
P: "Paula is... it's not even a joke. She's really a drunk."
W: "She is."
Abby: "And she used to be a singer."
W: "Well, that's up for contention."
Abby: "Paula acts like I do when I hear Chris."
W: "But Paula is 40 years older than you are."

[Ford Commercial]
P: " Oh I love this song!"
W: "Chris looks HOT with the walkie talkie! Did you see that?"
P: "No!"
W: "Okay, I have to rewind it. The dog is cute too! It looks like a little bat dog. Look! He's total Vin Diesel there."
P: "Oh, that's a problem."
W: "The puppy was a baby daddy! I really hate Ford Fusions, but I enjoy the cheesy commercials."
Abby: "I enjoyed the little French bulldog."
W: "I did too."

[Andrea Bocelli comes out.]
W: "He's rocking the velvet blazer. I think I see Andrea Bocelli's rooster, and I'm disturbed."
P: "Paula's doing her 'you're my friend!' clap again. Also, Tom Cruise's belief in Scientology!"
W: "What?"
P: "Nothing. I just wanted to use the code."
[Andrea performs.]
W: "This sounds like the beginning to Les Miz."
Abby: "What's that?"
W [singing]: "I just stole a loaf of breeeead..."
[Abby uses a frog puppet made out of a paper plate to sing along to Andrea Bocelli.]
W: "This isn't doing much for me, but maybe it's because I don't have a plate of angel hair pasta in front of me."
P: "At least it's not Rod Stewart."
W: "You're right. He's classing up the joint. But once again, I think they wasted an awesome opportunity to have them sing opera."
P: "Katharine sang opera."
W: "For like two minutes in the B-roll."
P: "But still."
W: "Look at all the sparklies Andrea Bocelli gets. It's like Chris lights times forty-seven! He really does have an amazing voice, though. It's so clear."
P: "It's just the song is so, like..." [dramatic arm gesture]
W: "Elliott made everyone else stand up! That's classy."
P: "Ryan's doing the Italian hands thing."
Abby [manipulates paper plate frog]: "Do you like my a-singing?"
P: "Yes, paper plate frog!"

W: "Lisa's back."
P: "She's there to support her best friend Paris when she gets laminated. They're doing three groups of two so it's not boys vs. girls."
W: "Oh, I think you're right. But it could still be boy-girl-boy-girl-boy-girl."
P: "Elliot's really growing on me."
W: "Yeah. Like a fungus."
P: "Kellie looks sad. I think Taylor and Elliott are the top two! Go Elliott."
W: "Go Elliott. No kidding."
[Taylor does weird arm motion.]
W: "He looks like he should be saying WA-PAUGH."
Ryan: We're going to a break.
W: "Oh fuck your brea-- oops. I used a bad word."
Abby: "It means middle finger."
W: "Yes, but that's a bad word."
Abby: "Mo said it yesterday!"
W: "I know, but it's bad."
Abby: "I know, I'm not gonna use it." [Singing] "I win! I win! I don't swear! I win!"
[Abby begins doing the robot.]
P: "Did we give her sugar or something?"
W: "Yeah, we did. Cherry juice and ice cream."
Abby [singing]: "Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto!"
W: "We should not give you dessert anymore, is the lesson to be learned here."

[Back from break]
W: "I really like Chris's shirt and it makes him V-shaped."
P: "V-shaped?"
W: "And he has another thing that I'm not going to talk about, but it makes me happy."
Ryan: Katharine and Chris are top two.
W: "Wow, Dial Idol is wrong."
P: "Yeah, I thought Taylor should be in the top two for sure."
W: "I don't know what Paris is wearing tonight. It looks like a pair of Nellie Olson's bloomers."
P: "I actually like it."
Abby: "I love the shirt. It's cool. I would wear it. I would wear Ellieolsom's bloomers."
W: "You don't even know what that is."

[Kellie is laminated]
All: "YAY!" [High fives]
W: "Pickler's been picked!"
Abby: "Go America! Go America!"
P: "This is so exciting!"
W: "It is a night for shockers."
P: "I didn't dare hope that this night would come."
W: "I thought she would drag along like a remora on the button of this contest until she sucked it dry."
Abby: "Pickler."
P: "Bye Pickler."
W: "Don't let the door hit ya..."
P: "...where the good Lord..."
Abby: "Yeah, don't get knocked out by the door!"

Idol pool update:
Nobody picked Kellie for tonight. 12 points for Editrix, 11 points for Shmuel, 10 points for Ana, Martha, Trance, Celine, Bailey, and Pie. 8 points for Merr. 7 points for Weet. Again, if Guppy were in this pool, she would be kicking all our buttons. She has an almost perfect score of 89 points. What the DMV? Overall scores:

74 points: Pie and Martha
73 points: Ana and Trance
72 points: Bailey
71 points: Celine
70 points: Shmuel
68 points: Editrix
63 points: Weet
58 points: Merr
57 points: the parakeets

Your comments yesterday (making use of our code) cracked us up, thanks!
Weetapidol out.


Anonymous Trance said...

LATERS, PICKLER!!!!!!!!!!!!


(not that I'm excited or anything...)

6:33 PM  
Blogger Marianne said...

If sugar makes Abby do the robot, I think the solution is MORE sugar, not less.

Buh bye Pickler. Thank god her and her Ellie May Clampett act is out.

6:46 PM  
Anonymous Celine said...

Sweet Jesus I think I have to go celebrate! I may bust out into a little robot myself.

I hope I never have to hear Kellie's voice again. I have already lost too many of my irretrievable brain cells listening to her.

Although you can't hear me, I am screaming with joy. I promise you.

Now America, can we vote Paula and her peeping crazy buttons off next please?

7:36 PM  
Blogger bowling with no panties said...

I'm gonna give a Hazard County YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

I could Tom Cruise's belief in Scientology a pickle, I'm so peepin' happy that that peepin' corn pone Kelliewad is the DMB out of there!

Cliff and I also high fived and shouted with abject glee.

I am happy that Elliot wasn't in the bottom two. I like the guy, I really do!!

7:54 PM  
Blogger Kim said...

Well, Paris, I guess you're my new Kellie, who was my new Ace, who was my new Bucky.

You seem like an okay petunia, but I can't bear the thought of Elliot going and I like to look at Chris and, let's face it -- Kat and Taylor are going nowhere. They will be in next year's finals.

6:41 AM  
Anonymous lisa-marie said...

Man! I am so relieved Pickler's gone! Actually, I think she's relieved, too; I think it was all just way too much for her little hick mind to take.

7:47 AM  
Blogger Kendra said...


Wait: who am I going to hate now? Oh right, Paris and her stupid hair and her constant nodding-while-she-sings.

9:43 AM  
Anonymous Martha said...

They picked Pickler! America picked Pickler!

Sayonara Kellie.

1:56 PM  
Anonymous shannon said...

I watched the results show with my mother. Here's what was said: me: "PRAISE. THE. LORD."
her: "...and pass the potatoes."
I mention this because I see how many other people immediately invoked god and Jesus when Kellie was sent home. Interesting phenomenon.
Also, Elliot's appearance: He's had something done. I'm looking online for a side by side comparison of his old and new faces. He's had work done. My uterus tells me he's had work done. I don't care if he's only had a week to heal, it's happened.

9:12 PM  

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