Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Top Peeping 6

Tonight, our liveblog special guest is seven-year-old Abby. In deference to her seven-year-oldness, Weet and I have established a code, based on our Weetapidol vocabulary to date, which we will use throughout this liveblog.

Cock = rooster
Etymology: a lack of creativity
Example: "Wow, those pants certainly are constricting Chris's rooster!"

Fuck = peep
Etymology: leftover Easter treats
Example: "Pick Pickler is so peeping irritating."

Hell = DMV
Etymology: have you been to the DMV?
Example: "Does Mandisa think the gays are going to the DMV?"

Semen = sailors
Etymology: from the ancient Greek
Example: "I wonder if Simon's been near Ryan's sailors this week?"

Bitch = Kellie
Etymology: just a coincidence, Idol Forums people!
Example: "Kellie is making such a Kellieface right now."

Shit = Tom Cruise's belief in Scientology
Etymology: only Xenu knows for sure
Example: "Wow, Taylor sounds like Tom Cruise's belief in Scientology tonight!"

And away we go!

P: "Ryan's going to the prom again tonight."
Abby: "Oh, he shaved [his beard] off!"
W: "Yeah, he did."
[Ryan mentions Ace.]
Abby: "Ace makes cheesy faces into the camera."
P: "And they're doing love songs. I'm sad Ace isn't here to make cheesy love song faces into the camera."
W: "I'm sad they're not doing opera."
P: "Opera would be peeping hilarious."
[Sarah Brightman appears]
W: "Oh my god, I wanna slap Sarah Brightman."
P: "Noted."
Abby: "I think Chris is gonna win."
P: "I agree with you."
Abby: "My mom thinks he's cute."
W: "That's because he has a wallet chain. Your mom loves wallet chains."
Abby: "She says she usually doesn't like bald guys, because my dad's bald. But she likes Chris. I guess because of the wallet chain?"
W: "Yes, the wallet chain."
Some Dude: If you can't make it in my studio, you're gone.
P: "Wow, that guy is a Kellie."
W: "This guy's harcore. I wish he was sitting in for Randy."

Katharine, "I Have Nothing"
W: "Oh my god, she just broke out the Italian."
P: "Holy... chickens. I forgot what our code was for that. We don't have a code for that."
W: "I think chickens works. It's better than any code we would have come up with."
P: "I should have said 'Holy Tom Cruise's belief in Scientology.'"
[Katharine starts singing.]
W: "I like Katharine's hair tonight. And her butt...ons."
P: "She is doing a lot of wiggling. And there's her dad crying again. She's really feeling the song."
W: "She's awesome. I like her shoes. And--WOAH! We just got some McPheever there!"
P: "We don't have a code for the McPheever."
W: "I think McPheever's pretty good. But I wanna say McBeaver."
P: "McBeaver!"
P: "I think Ryan just told Katharine that the deaf people will vote for her."
W: "Two numbers? Interesting."
P: "They're trying to discredit Dial Idol."
W: "Ooooh."

Score:
Pie: I give her an 8. I might be blinded by the McBeaver, though.
Weet: I will also give her an 8. But I'm a little shocked they're all coming down on her right now. They're like, lecturing her.
Abby: That was weird. [Weetabix explains the scoring system and asks Abby for her score.] Probably a 7-6 thing. [We'll call that a 6.5.]

Elliot, "A Song For You"
P: "I have no idea who Elliot is talking about. Danny Hathaway?"
W: "Dunno. But what the heck is Elliot doing wearing tennis shoes, going to see important music people?"
P: "It's not like Andrea Bocelli can see him back."
W: "Ha! I love how hardcore this David guy's being."
P: "He's making them get all glory-notey, but that's what they criticized Katharine for."
[Elliot starts singing.]
W: "He's not looking as batly today."
P: "Yeah, he does look different. Is it sideburns? The hair? The eyebrows? What's different?"
W: "Is it the goatee? Did they slip us something?"
P: "Do you like Elliot, Abby?"
Abby: "Yes."
W: "Do you think he's cute?"
Abby: "No."
W: "Do you think he looks like a bat?"
Abby: "A little bit. With all that black on. Yeah."
W: "I just meant his face. From the neck up."
Abby: "Well then yeah."
P: "I think Elliot's going to the prom with Ryan."
W: "The sailor prom?"
P: "Hee. Hmm. He makes unattractive faces when he sings."

[Randy criticizes the arrangements.]
P: "But it's that guy who's fucking up the arrangements--AAH! The code! I forgot the code!"
W: "PEEPING! PEEPING up the arrangements!"
[Paula cries.]
W: "Her drugs are up to 11."

Score:
Pie: The judges like him a lot more, but I will give him an 8.
Weet: I will give him a 9. He has swayed me with his unusual looks. And I'm afraid of bats, so he deserves a 9.
Abby: [ponders] An 8.

Pick Pickler, "Unchained Melody"
W: "Abby, do you like Kellie?"
Abby: "Yeah!"
P: "Well it's nice to have the pro-Kellie contingent represented. Because our entire comments base hates Pickler."
W: "I like Kellie's hair tonight."
P: "I do not."
Abby: "I do."
W: "Kellie is telling the world that she's lonely."
Abby: "She's trying to get a boyfriend."
P: "'I don't have anyone to play pottery with.' Play pottery is a better code than ours."
W: "Look at the look of horror on that Dave guy's face."
P: "I really hope this is as big of a trainwreck as it promises to be."
[Pickler starts singing.]
W: "Oh my god. I just got this flashback that we're on a really budget cruise ship. And you can hear forks clinking in the background. Waiters passing by."
P: "How can you like that hair?"
W: "It's different. It's unexpected."
P: "So is herpes."
Abby: "That's her note."
W: "It is her note. Because nobody else wants it."

Score:
Pie: 4
Weet: 2
Abby: It's pretty much a 6.

Paris, "The Way We Were"
W: "This is going to be great."
P: "I'm worried for Paris, though."
W: "I am too. But I really think Paris is going to be a superstar. She's really good."
[Paris starts singing.]
P: "What does that hair remind me of?"
W: "Vicky Stubing from the Love Boat."
P: "THAT'S IT!"
W: "God, I hope feathered hair isn't coming back."
P: "She's really smiling too much for this song."
W: "I would really like to have at the American Idol lip gloss cabinet. Because they all have fantastic lip gloss."
P: "She's got the voice, man."
[Abby makes fart sounds.]
W: "Are your fart sounds something we should be taking note of?"
Abby: "No."
Pie: [nods and types]
W: "Joely Fisher? I thought Joely Fisher died in a cocaine accident."

Score:
Pie: I give her an 8
Weet: I actually give her a 7. She's done much better. I loved her last week.
Abby: 7

Taylor, "Just Once"
P: "Dunkelman!"
W: "Dunkelman's ashamed to be a part of this. I don't know what to make of this jacket."
P: "I like the shirt. I don't like this song, though. I think he's off."
W: "I know. I'm not feeling him. The soul train has derailed."
P: "He's trying the Jesus hands. He'd better just go to the claw."
W: "The claw works for him."
P: "He stands like he's pooping."
W: "Like he's got a load and is trying to squeeze it."
P: "That was very evocative, thank you."
W: "I'm a writer. I paint with words."

Score:
Pie: I give him a 5. I think I was psychic when I said he sounded like Tom Cruise's belief in Scientology.
Weet: Yeah. 5. Meh.
Abby: [Lost interest and wandered away.][Came back to say "he was good" and give him a 9 for the first three seconds of his performance.]

Chris, "Have You Ever Really Loved A Woman?"
W: "It's not a good song for him."
P: "Because he's never really loved a woman. He's really loved Ace."
[Chris starts singing.]
W: "Why does he get mariachi men?"
P: "They're the equivalent of the Chris lights."
W: "They are. They're the Chris ethnic-men-with-guitars."
Abby: "You know I'm giving a 10 for him. Chris is getting a 10."
W: "Why?"
Abby: "Chris is an awesome singer!"
W: "He's got Chris lights and ethnic men with guitars."
P: "I hate Bryan Adams, but I like this performance."
W: "I hate this song, actually. But he's doing very well. He's very Chris. I wish he were wearing a wallet chain, though."
P: "He is good. He is good."
W: "I see his rooster."
P: "My examples of the code were psychic."
[Abby gets on the floor to do 'we're not worthy' hands. She hugs the television. She does more 'we're not worthy' hands while chanting "ten... ten... ten..."]
P: "I think she likes Chris."
W: "Maybe."

Score:
Pie: I give him a 9. I liked him better than anyone else tonight.
Weet: Yeah, I give him a 9. Easily.
Abby: 10, 10, 10.

Totals:
Chris: 28
Elliot: 25
Katharine: 22.5
Paris: 22
Taylor: 19
Kellie: 12

Abby thinks: "Pick Pickler is gone. I think Pickler is down the drain." Weetabix hopes she's right, but is very nervous for Paris. Weet says, "If there's a God in heaven, it will be Pickler." Pie thinks Paris might be gone, even though that's the wrong choice. "I think Pickler's going to end up third."

Thanks for reading (and commenting). Weetapidol out!

11 Comments:

Anonymous amy said...

have Abby pick who she thinks is out tomorrow night...we have a bet on it.

5:29 PM  
Blogger mo pie said...

Amy is that you? I'm sorry I dropped the F-bomb in front of your child!

5:37 PM  
Anonymous Celine said...

Abby, I am sorry that you like Kellie. You seem like a super nice girl but I think Kellie was peeping horrible and may have given one of the Tom Cruise’s belief in scientology-est performances ever. If she doesn't go home I will weep tomorrow night. I am not kidding.

And as for everyone else: I liked Katharine, what the DMV was wrong with the judges tonight?
Elliott was pretty good but the tears from Paula? Give me a peeping break, that Kellie is nuts. Mind you, the whole show she was making no bloody sense.
Taylor was pretty meh. Paris meh.

HOWEVER, I think I fell completely in love with Chris tonight. No seriously, this man kicked some serious buttons out there. I had chills. His performance was peeping unbelievable. Plus, Canadian singers/songwriters represent! (anyone else know the song Bryan sang with Sporty Spice?)

P.S. Who the DMV is Danny Hathaway?

6:22 PM  
Blogger amy said...

darn it, I want to pick Kelly too, and I looks like Abby bet me to it. Guess I will go with Paris and hopefully lose a dollar.

6:58 PM  
Blogger bowling with no panties said...

I just have to say that I couldn't WAIT to see what you ladies thought of the show tonight and am so peeping psyched that I checked the blog before I went to bed.

While I don't think that Taylor's performance was the Tom Cruise's belief in Scientology-iest performance of the night, I was sad because it's that whole restrained Taylor trying to be "serious" -- he might have left out the claw but he spasmed to the left at least once. I don't think he enjoys singing ballads.

My Idol-watching buddy Cliff thinks Chris wore a wallet-chain under his peeping jacket. I think he did really really well --and I was surprised considering his lame country ballad. He is a hot piece of buttons!!!

I was SURPRISED that R, P, and S ripped Katherine to peeping shreds -- I thought she got a little screechy here and there but MY THEORY is that their blatant favoritism toward her came to the attention of the Scientology Center and fearing a backlash the OTIII's instructed them to berate her to ensure the audience's pity and get them voting for their prize future SeaOrg Cap'n. This would dispell the perception that Katherine is getting the Carrie Underwood "pass on through right to the top" treatment and ruin the conspiracy theorists' (like myself) theories. BUT I AM ON TO THEM!

"The Way We Were" is my number two all time favorite karaoke song (right after Total Eclipse Of the Heart) and I think Paris did a great job -- I don't get Simon...he praises her for having a mature voice last week but then tells her this song is too old for her. MAKE UP YOUR PEEPING MIND MORTY!

Cliff and I noticed that Elliot wasn't as hideous tonight either but we couldn't figure it out! Did they pluck his eyebrows? I love him but he isn't pretty enough to win, despite whatever magic they did to him. This makes me sad as hell because I think he's truly talented and seems like a really down to earth guy.

OK...Kellie. Oh, Kellie. It is so PAINFUL to listen to her talk. Cliff and I were joking that David the producer guy wouldn't feel her because he was obviously a friend of Dorothy and she couldn't use her "charm" (etymology: off-camera blowjobs) to make him wax ecstatic over her "talent". If anything the horror in his eyes was the horror of most friends of Dorothy when they are faced with non-campy and un-ironic tackiness. If the DMV has a soundtrack, it's that Kellie turning "Unchained Melody" into a huge fresh steamy pile of Tom Cruise's belief in Scientology.

I also have to add that Paula must be on some seriously good stuff...she was BREAKING DOWN on TV to the point that Simon had to ask her what the DMV she was talking about and then openly guffawed at her weepy blathering to Elliot. Then she practically jumps on the table twice to tell the contestants how loved they were. I'm sure the producers are DYING to watch her keel over and start convulsing until foam comes out of her mouth because that's where she's heading. They won't do an intervention for the following reasons -- a) Out of Control Paula is fascinating TV b)If she dies they don't have to worry about firing her peeping psycho buttons.

8:06 PM  
Anonymous Martha said...

You are all too peeping hysterical - Weet, Mo and all the commenters. I'm in convulsions here in New Hampshire, ayuh! I agree with all the comments and hope, like the rest of you, that Pickler will be kicked to the curb tomorrow night. Alas, I too fear for Paris. But we shall see.

Unfortunately I won't know the results until I check in tomorrow night after I return from Boston where I'm going to see "WICKED"!!!! I hear that's a good show, eh Mo & Weet? I'm so excited!

8:50 PM  
Anonymous editrix said...

Martha, you're going to peeping LOVE the new Opera House. I saw Wicked there last week. If you see this before you go, one tip: Use the restroom before the show, because forget getting your button in there at intermission.

7:54 AM  
Anonymous editrix said...

Martha, you're going to peeping LOVE the renovated Opera House. So much history, plus great sightlines. I saw Wicked there last week -- it rocked. If you see this before you go, one tip: Use the restroom before the show, because forget getting your button in there at intermission.

7:55 AM  
Anonymous Kat said...

Why is it that when any contestant chooses a Whitney Houston or Mariah Carey song, the judges totally rip on them no matter how well they sing? I thought Katharine did a great job, but I knew from the start that she'd be doomed. The judges hate it when someone attempts Whitney or Mariah. But only those two, it seems. I don't get it. I'll bet if they dragged Whitney Houston out of the rehab center or crack house or wherever she was last night and had her compete against Katharine, Katharine would have won. And, it's not that I'm a big Katharine fan, I just don't get why the judges feel compelled to beat down anyone who dares to sing Whitney or Mariah. What the peep?

9:55 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"He's trying the Jesus hands. He'd better just go to the claw."

Best line EVER!

11:13 AM  
Anonymous Martha said...

Editrix - you are so peeping right about the restroom at the Opera House. My sister and I attempted an intermission run but opted to hold it. The line for the ladies' room was insane.

But what a FABULOUS show! I was so impressed by the women who played the witches - amazing voices!

9:44 PM  

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