Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Top 9 Girls: Something Shy of Amizing

We're going to Skype, and one of us is going to type what we're saying. This hearkens back to the old-timey days when we used to be in the same room! So we'll see how it goes.


Weet : I have to tell you I don't know any of these people. I haven't watched it at all. I know there's something about Pants on the Ground? I know nothing.
MoPie : Just for the record, Pants on the Ground is awesome.
Weet : I have to go and YouTube it.
MoPie : Okay, where are you in your video?
Weet : It starts with a girl who looks like she might be from Flowers in the Attic, staring with dead eyes into the camera, and there's lights behind her.
MoPie : THIS! Is A.... merican Idol! Wait, I love playing this game with the opening credits, where you see how little of Taylor there is in it.
Weet : They have Ruben in it, though. I still think they would pimp J. Hud a little more.
MoPie : It's only the winners, though.
Weet : This is my first experience with Ellen, but right now she's kind of turning me on. Kara's trying too hard.
MoPie : You say that about the woman who's NOT sitting on Simon's lap.
Weet : Simon is now engaged to a waitress.
MoPie : I think she's a makeup artist?
Weet : Whatever. That's the same thing.


Katie Stevens, "Breakaway"

Weet : Ooh, she's doing Kelly Clarkson!
MoPie : It's the eyelashes that kind of make her Flowers in the Attic.
Weet : It is the eyelashes! I'm not feeling it, dawg.
MoPie : You never want to set yourself up for a comparison to Kelly Clarkson.
Weet : Also, her pants are tragic. She has very pretty hair though.
MoPie : No... to that note, I say no.
Weet : It's like my karaoke fail this weekend.
MoPie : We failed together this weekend.
Weet : I'm sorry Katie, no. I like the Idolette in the background, though. I wanted to like Miss Katie.
MoPie : Judges! Randy's saying, "You're no Kelly Clarkson."
Weet : It was like karaoke!
MoPie : Yeah, Randy is much more useful this season. And was not the right song, Ellen. And now.. Kara
Weet : Saying you have a radio voice on this show is kind of like saying you have a radio face.
MoPie : Kara is useless.
Weet : God I forgot how much I hate the way Kara talks.
MoPie : We don't know how Katie looked two weeks ago.
Weet : I'll take Simon's word that she looks better.
MoPie : I've seen some episodes and I still don't remember her. I don't remember her at all. That doesn't bode well.

COMMERCIALS

Siobhan Magnus, "House of the Rising Sun"

Weet : We know a Magnus!
MoPie : We're rooting for her.
Weet : We shall see.
MoPie : Look at Ryan's little hair! It's all [makes a church steeple sign with her hands on her head]. Dude, acapella!
Weet : It's not my favorite song.
MoPie : She's got great lips, with the little lip gloss, and that was awesome.
Weet : She does look cute. And also, apparently has seven feet long legs.
MoPie : She'll be in the top twelve for sure. Even over skype, over the Captain's office phone ringing, this still sounds great.
Weet : It is. It's am--izing.
MoPie : Amizing?
Weet : Yes, amizing!
MoPie : I'm going to put her up high in my Weetapidol pool picks.
Weet : When do we have to have Weetapidol pool picks in?
MoPie : Top 12! Oh, shut up, Kara. Shut. Up. Kara.
Weet : She's so smarmy.
MoPie : That performance was not weird! It was the first time I've seen her and it wasn't weird to me.
Weet : I thought it was a bit dark, I could agree with that.
MoPie : Really?
Weet : I do like her little top, though.
MoPie : She's adorable. I hate how Ryan is going to start arguing with the judges every time. There's already eight million judges, Ryan, we don't need another one. Gasp! She did the vote-pimping fingers!
Weet : I hate the fingers.

Lacey Brown, "Some Brandi Carlysle Song"

Weet : I hate Brandi Carlysle
MoPie : Is it the hair? You hate the hair?
Weet : No, I hate Brandi Carlysle. She sings that horrible I Hope You Dance Song.
MoPie : This girl is trying way too hard to be quirky. Leopard print, red hair, green finger nails, pearls. "I'm so quirky! So vintage! So cool!"
Weet : I'm with you. She's inventing her personality through accessories.
MoPie : I just don't like her voice, the tone of her voice. I just don't like her.
Weet : That was forgettable.
MoPie : It wasn't a happy song, was it? She kept smiling. And she was whining at the end.
Weet : (Listening to Randy) That's the best performance!?!?
MoPie : She's got to go home.
Weet : Ellen wants to sleep with her.
MoPie : Ellen has better taste than that. Have you seen Ellen's wife?
Weet : True.
MoPie : "You're back on your path" is the musical expertise of Kara. She just doesn't mean anything. This girl tries too hard!
Weet : I said it was forgettable! So did Simon!
MoPie : There's nothing about her that seems sincere to me. I just don't like her.


Katelyn Epperly, "I Feel the Earth Move"

Weet : Ooh, she's playing it!
MoPie : And she's wearing a jumpsuit.
Weet : Is that a good thing or a bad thing?
MoPie : I don't know...
Weet : This is very similar to what I wore to my high school graduation, only longer.
MoPie : Wow, I really missepelled "Katelyn" on my first try. That's like an 80s little jumper, isn't it?
Weet : Well, I graduated from high school in the 80s, so yeah. Thank you for pointing that out.
MoPie : Hee.
Weet : Is that a giant zit on her forehead or a mole?
MoPie : I think it is a zit?
Weet : Otherwise it's like a bullseye.
MoPie : If Randy says "I like your hair," that's a bad sign.
Weet : Yeah.
MoPie : Ellen says she's forgettable. And I literally can't remember what she sang ten seconds ago.
Weet : Do you just want to smack Kara so fucking bad?
MoPie : Yes.
Weet : She just has that look on her face...
MoPie : It's the whole gestalt of Kara.
Weet : She's basically sitting on Simon's lap.
MoPie : Because she doesn't want to be out of the shot.
Weet : Or she's trying to get the fuck away from Ellen. Homophobe! She really is in his shot, though. And there's like four feet betwene her and Ellen.
MoPie : Neither of us said anything about the singing.
Weet : It was there. I can see you coveting her necklace, though.
MoPie : No kidding, right?
Weet : That's a total Mo Pie necklace.

Commercials

Didi Benamy, "Rhiannon"

MoPie : Fleetwood Mac!
Weet : WOO! I got a little excited there. OOH! I love this song.
MoPie : I love Fleetwood Mac.
Weet : Who does she sound like? Not Stevie Nicks.
MoPie : No idea.
Weet : It's kind of really weird and stilted.
MoPie : Her smile is weird to me.
Weet : She herself is weird but I kind of like her voice.
MoPie : Do you just like the song?
Weet : I really do, yeah. You know who she sounds like? Maria Taylor.
MoPie : I don't know who that is.
Weet : She's kind of an indie jangly chick singer.
MoPie : I tend to enjoy those.
Weet : How do we feel about the strange outfit.
MoPie : I have to see it.
Weet : It's one-sleeved.
MoPie : Then no. I'm over one sleeves.
Weet : Yeah. I thought this performance was a little bit more memorable.
MoPie : Than what?
Weet : Than the Carole King... and whatever the Flowers in the Attic girl did. She kind of has a bitchface, though.
MoPie : All these girls seem to be really the same to me.
Weet : I've heard that about this season too.
MoPie : Pretty white girls with shiny lip gloss
Weet : Well, that's the makeup artist's fault.
MoPie : I'm fixated.

Paige Miles "Smile"


Weet : Ok, she just won.
MoPie : Who is this?
Weet : Paige Miles.
MoPie : She does have a pretty voice. I've never even heard of this girl, though.
Weet : I didn't remember Kelly Clarkson until Big Band Week, which was like Top 6 or something.
MoPie : That was one of the best Idol performances of all time.
Weet : She's a little warbly, but I think she has potential.
MoPie : Let's see what the judges think.
(Randy thinks it didn't work, despite it being his favorite song of all time)
Randy is actually so much more useful this season, it's weird.
MoPie : Did Ellen just say that the song is supposed to be happy? Because the words are "smile though your heart is breaking." It's not a happy song. I like Ellen, but she doesn't know what she's talking about. Well, the judges hated her even though you loved her.
Weet : Well, what do they know?
MoPie : She's got really pretty eyes. They're like grey. They're beautiful.
Weet : They ARE gorgeous, and now she's crying. SMILE PAIGE though your heart is breaking!
MoPie : Well, I hope she doesn't get eliminated!
Weet : Me too!
MoPie : I would like to see more from her, not those other randos! She's so sparkly and shiny! She's cute! Don't vote her off, America!

Crystal Bowersox, "Gimme One Reason"

Weet : Look, Kara is like humping America's leg right now!
MoPie : I'm just stunned that she's doing Tracy Chapman. I like her because she's different. She's actually said things like "I'm in it for the money" and she refuses to bleach her teeth.
Weet : That's cool! She kind of rocks.
MoPie : She does kind of rock. She's going to go up high in my pool picks. This is a cool song for her, and that Tracy Chapman vibe, she's got that going on.
(The judges start talking.)
Oh Kara. I really would like them to fire Kara. I don't think I've expressed at all my true dislike of Kara, have I?
Weet : Mmm.
MoPie : I don't think Crystal's going to win, though. She's too Jason Castro-y. That's probably a random association because of the dreadlocks.
Weet : She's too divisive.
MoPie : I think she peaked too early. I don't think she's going to win.
Weet : Are you going to reassess where you're putting her in the pool because of that?
MoPie : I think she's one of the fake out front runners. But did anyone think Kris Allen was going to win last year? Not even the Weetapidol Hive Mind predicted that one.

Lily Scott, "I Fall To Pieces"

Weet : Oh Patsy. Oh Patsy you would hate this.
MoPie : Has she sung a Cyndi Lauper song yet? Because she should.
Weet : She reminds me of the girl from Squirrel Nut Zippers.
MoPie : Oh yeah! Totally! They put her last and they want her in the Top 12, because they put those people in the pimp spot. Her and Crystal, they are pretty much the stand out people.
Weet : She's got an interesting voice, distinctive, but it wasn't hot, Randy. Wasn't hot.
MoPie : Right, originality, but not hot. Even Ellen looks unamused by Kara.

Weet : Who's going home?
MoPie : I hope it's Flowers in the Attic girl and jumpsuit girl.
Weet : I hope it's not Paige. She's the only ethnic girl!
MoPie : I know! I don't want it to be some kind of Aryan nation top 12. Oh my god, now Siobhan did the two fingers thing behind Ryan! That makes me like her even less! Pimping! I disapprove.
Weet : Agreed, you should be able to stand on the merit of your own voice.

Weetapidol Out!

3 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Katie: blows. She's gone soon.

Siobhan looks like the weird girl Ally Sheedy played on the breakfast club AFTER her makeover in the girls bathroom. But the internet says she looks like Anna Paquin, take your pick. She is a odd litle thing but I think she will go much farther.

Lacy: Sixpence none the richer wannabe. Going soon. Not strong enough voice or personality.

Katelyn: annoying. Wicked Frizzy hair. Pretty soon she will be wearing really short, shorts, and trying that angle to woo over Simon. The blonde hair is not working for her enough. The only song I like that she's done was the Scientist and it was too SLOW the judges were dying over how long it took to be over and done with.

Didi: Liking her, but she's not going to win. She's been crying a lot on the show and that's annoying.

Paige: Pretty girl, good voice. Totally blew it. Probably going home next.

Bowersox: You nailed it. Female version of Jason Castro. Seriously gross teeth which bug me every time she sings I get distracted by it. Plus, she had some mystery illness that landed her in the hospital a couple weeks ago and the show was forced to make the boys sing first. She's does seem to be the only girl that really has her style nailed down though.

Lilly: Looks like an emo Tracy Ullman or freaky emo anime or something. Her look is so distracting. The internet thinks she looks like the Albino on Princess Bride.

The girls just leave me feeling unstatisfied. I'm all about the boys this season.

Shari

12:36 PM  
Blogger Shmuel said...

If it helps any... Crystal Bowersox is a diabetic; it's been reported that her "mystery illness" was related to that.

11:04 PM  
Blogger Kelly S. said...

So do we put in our pool picks before next Tuesday? Shaun White and Apolo Ono (and the voice of Jonny Moseley-LURVE) dominated my TV for much of February, and I have not watched much IDOL since the first night of HELLLL WEEEEEK. I watched the last 3 guys on Tuesday but that's it. Should make for interesting pool choices?!

8:04 PM  

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