Thursday, March 11, 2010

Top 8 Guys: "For A Good Time, Call..."

Weet: ready? skype-y or phone?
Mo Pie: yes! I don’t have skype, so phone or chat for me... por moi... je ne sais quoi... je drunky!
Weet: what's your phone number again?
Mo Pie: 1-800-DRUNKY

Weet: Where are you? I've got Ryan standing next to a very handsome urban gentleman.
Mo Pie: Ryan is making eyes at a boy in a white shirt, next to the urban gentleman with a pocket square.
Weet: Got it.
Mo Pie: I don't really understand why Ryan Seacrest is having this weird moment with everybody. It's like he's a drill sergeant or something. And he hasn't made out with anyone yet, so I don't really see the point. He looks very pleased with himself, though.
Weet: Bbbrrrrrrrthththoooooo.
Mo Pie: Are you doing little sound effects?
Weet: It doesn't translate well to text.
Mo Pie: Why is Randy dressed like he's in a prep school acapella group? I'm going to try to wait a little bit before I say how much I hate Kara. I'll see how far I can get into the show.
(a second passes)
Uh. I hate Kara. She's just bumping Simon like, "Pay attention to me! Pay attention to me!"
Weet: Why is tonight any different?

Lee DeWize, “Fireflies”

Mo Pie: Who is this guy?
Weet: I think it's BJ Novak, from the side.
Mo Pie: I thought that earlier!
Weet: I hate the Fireflies song. It was written by someone with a developmental disability. I think. Probably not.
Mo Pie: This is awful. He can't get through three words without taking a breath. If there's any justice in the world, this guy is getting voted off.
Weet: He really does look like BJ Novak though.
Mo Pie: He really does. It's kind of creepy.
Weet: Randy is bluh bluh bluh.
Mo Pie: Ellen! “You had pitch problems but WHO CARES! You're adorable!” They're just trying to be nice to him. They're the judges; they should be mean.
Weet: There's a star BUBBLING?!
Mo Pie: I hate Kara. “A star bubbling”! Oh good, now she's like fondling Simon.
Weet: She's literally touching him. She's as far over as she can be.
Mo Pie: She's elbowing him! Well, Simon liked this performance. Maybe I'm crazy.
Weet: You're not crazy. Mister Flavor Saver.

Alex Lambert, "Trouble"

Weet: This screws me up, because it's not Adam Lambert.
Mo Pie: I accidentally typed "Adam Lambert" a few lines ago.
Weet: That's funny. Has he gone through puberty yet?
Mo Pie: Hs face would suggest no, because he looks like Macaulay Culkin.
Weet: He looks like Mikey from the Goonies. I don't like his weird voice. Everything's like nyaauwww nyauuuwww.
Mo Pie: I can't type that!
Weet: Sure you can. You want me to repeat it?
Mo Pie: Actually, I think I've got it.
Weet: It was just awright for me, dawg.
Mo Pie: Randy's outfit makes me laugh. He's got friendship beads, too! He went to acapella camp!
Weet: Yes. Ellen's got a pocket square as well, and needs some lotion for her neck.
Mo Pie: Ellen has a pocket square?
Weet: Yes. Dunkelman is in her pocket.
Mo Pie: It's nice that Dunkelman is supporting the new person.
Weet: Kara is ON TOP OF SIMON. She's so close to him, she's actually behind him.
Mo Pie: I'm trying not to say "I hate Kara," but...
Weet: She is IN HIS CHAIR.
Mo Pie: Now the judges are just being annoying, this Randy-in-a-bikini business.
Weet: I'm bored by this. I'm more concentrating on Simon's chest hair.

Tim Irving, “ Hallellujah”

Weet: I love this song!
Mo Pie: People love this kid. He's another person who's going to go very high in my Weetapidol pool pick.
Weet: He looks like the Josh Hartnett character from Virgin Suicides.
Mo Pie: I don't understand any of those words. This is a good performance. This is going to get him into the Top 12 for sure. And he was like, shitty a few weeks ago.
Weet: He has an eyebrow situation that I'm not cosigning.
Mo Pie: He's got the grandma vote, which is the David Archuleta vote and the Kris Allen vote. So....
Weet: Point. Pointy. Lesbian approaching! Shocked him!
Mo Pie: That is the first time any of the judges have gotten out of their chair.
Weet: Paula has gotten up out of her chair, but no one could ever tell.
Mo Pie: Oh my god, I agree with Kara! I don't hate Kara right now.
Weet: You have to persevere with your hate.
Mo Pie: It will come back in a matter of moments.
Weet: Kara just checked out Simon's package. She just did! No shit!
Mo Pie: If she thought it would get her some more attention , she would unzip his fly and start giving him head right now. Oh Ellen is so funny. She's a breath of fresh air, that Ellen. Love her.
Weet: Oooooh, pimp hands. What's the anti-pimp hand vote? MY VOTE!

Andrew Garcia, “Genie in a Bottle”

Weet: Is that Bobby Trendy? No. Apparently not. He does look kind of like the Bobby Trendy character from “Ugly Betty.
Mo Pie: I think his name is Andrew Garcia, or Anthony Garcia or something.
Weet: I kind of love this already.
Mo Pie: Genie in a Bottle? Me too,
Weet: He did Adele already, which I love. I'm not biased because he has a wallet chain.
Mo Pie: He does have a wallet chain, though.
Weet: But he does have a neck tattoo, and I'm pretty against that since Jeffrey Sebilia on “Project Runway.”
Mo Pie: He's not really changing this song up that much.
Weet: I would buy his version on iTunes, I think.
Mo Pie: He's awesome, I love that. I liked the ending a lot.
Weet: The quality of his voice was not a wow. It was interesting, but his voice was anything you'd hear at an open mic.
Mo Pie: Yeah, it was all about the arrangement.
Weet: He's from the rival acapella group at camp.
Mo Pie: I agree, like, 100% with Ellen. That the end was the best. But I also agree with you that his voice isn't that exciting.
Weet: Yeah, what Ellen said is exactly what you said.
[Simon says he's “with Kara.”]
Weet: He's with her because she's in his lap.
Mo Pie: See, I'm not saying anything right now.

Casey James, “You'll Think of Me”

Mo Pie: I think he's cute!
Weet: His shirt is unbuttoned three buttons too low.
Mo Pie: I can't decide if me liking him is going to be like Ace Young embarrassing or Chris Daughtry prescient. I like his shirt. I like that embroidering.
Weet: I like the shirt too. It's just unbuttoned too low.
Mo Pie: I can tell you right now that I'm going to have no objectivity about this cute boy. He brings out my inner cougar. He's got a hummingbird on his guitar! How cute is that!?!
Weet: It's something that they had at the guitar store?
Mo Pie: The Guitar Center was having a sale.
Weet: We have said nothing about his voice.
Mo Pie: I don't CARE about his voice. I don't know that song, I don't have an opinion about it.
Weet: I don't know it either, but I was nonplussed. Apparently I don't find him as cute as you do.
Mo Pie: Apparently not.
Weet: Do you know how bummed I'm going to be if we don't have a cute boy to fawn over this year? It's going to be like that Archuleta season.
Mo Pie: I liked David Cook. I liked his arrangements.
Weet: Yeah, I know, but it's not like we wanted to have his penis in our mouths or anything.
Mo Pie: No, that was Chris Daughtry's season.
Weet: This is what I'm saying.

Aaron Kelly, “I'm Already There”

Mo Pie: I enjoy this song. This kid can't sing, though.
Weet: He looks dorky. He's got all the stage presence of Archuleta, which is to say nothing, and no voice.
Mo Pie: Yeah, this is...
Weet: Painful?
Mo Pie: We'll see what happens when the chorus hits.
Weet: He's not Osmondy, like Archuleta.
Mo Pie: Is that a compliment, or an insult?
Weet: I actually like the Osmonds.
Mo Pie: He's making creepy sex eyes at me! It's gross!
Weet: He heard you talking about being a cougar earlier.
Mo Pie: Hee.
Weet: His eyes are spaced too far apart for his nose.
Mo Pie: His eyes are too small. I mean none of this is his fault, but they're too small.
[Randy starts talking.]
Weet: "You have a voice for radio, kid."
Mo Pie: I don't know, it was so... it was just a'it to me. This kid made no impression on me at all.
Weet: I have nothing. It's no Josh Groban, arm extended situation here.
Mo Pie: I'm just gonna go with "little eyes." That's my one takeaway.
Weet: Don't boo Ellen! She's on your side, people.
[Kara is talking.]
Weet: Thanks for explaining it to us, Kara.
Mo Pie: I actually agree with Kara over Simon at this moment.
Weet: You love her. You want to marry her.
Mo Pie: We're in one of those movies, where they hate each other at first and then have sex.
Weet: And then meet up in a crowded courtyard and wildly kiss while mussing each other's hair.

Todrick Hall, "Someone to Love"

Mo Pie: Yes. Todrick Hall
Weet: I love this song.
Mo Pie: I do too! I'm voting for Todrick. This is awesome.
Weet: And he did the falsetto!
Mo Pie: This guy strikes me that he could be in the cast of Rent with those fingerless gloves. He could be Tom Collins right now.
Weet: He's about to be knocked over for his jacket!
Mo Pie: He's only putting about 70% in right now.
Weet: He put it all into the beginning?
Mo Pie: I would vote for that, though. It was good. Not a 100 percent effort but it was good.
Weet: Well, Randy, you're right, it was the best male vocal we've heard tonight. Has Ellen ever heard Queen? Because the song IS supposed to sound like it's gospel.
Mo Pie: It's not Godspell, Kara. It's RENT!
Weet: She needs a drag queen to come out wearing a Santa costume.
Mo Pie: I would be so happy if that happened right now. I love that Simon called out the fingerless gloves as being Broadway! I'm so smart!

Big Mike, "This Woman's Work"

Weet: He's doing “This Woman's Work”! Oh my god!
Mo Pie: I don't think I know this song.
Weet: It's from 9 1/2 Months. It's old. It's from the 80s. A Kevin Bacon movie. Kate Bush?
Mo Pie: Oh my god, Kate Bush! I wish someone would do "Wuthering Heights"!
Weet: He's owning this.
Mo Pie: Ian says it's an interesting choice.
Weet: I knew Ian would know it.
Mo Pie: It's because of him that I even know who Kate Bush is.
Weet: I would never in a million years figure out what song this was if I just heard it.
Mo Pie: Mmm.
Weet: I liked that, but it was no Rent queen.
Mo Pie: Well I guess it was good? It's hard for me to judge since I don't know the song.
Weet: It's a great song, you should go listen to it.
Mo Pie: Well man, these judges love it. I trust Ellen. If she says it's good, then it's good!
Weet: Wow. You are America.
Mo Pie: Hee.
Weet: Kara's faking crying.
Mo Pie: What the hell, Kara?
Weet: (laughs hysterically at Kara's comments)
Mo Pie: Well I'm sorry I didn’t know the song, because apparently that was the key.

Mo Pie: Predictions?
Weet: Not Michael. Not Todrick.
Mo Pie: This Lee guy, maybe?
Weet: I say Adam Lamberrrrr. I mean Alex Lamberrrr.
Mo Pie: Yeah, he goes. That's the one spoiler I have.
Weet: Rock on me. Tim Urban was pretty good... he's no Todrick or Michael Lynche. I would also maybe say Garcia.
Mo Pie: There was Casey James.
Weet: Oh, "I'm Already There"... I'll vote for "Already There" kid. Aaron Kelly.
Mo Pie: Good call.

Weet: So Todrick Hall was eliminated.
Mo Pie: You're kidding!!
Weet: Well, he's always got a part in Rent. Also, Jumper Girl.
Mo Pie: Well, we saw that coming.
Weet: And Lily Scott.
Mo Pie: Wasn't she in the pimp spot? Wow, I liked her!
Weet: She was! So there it is.
Mo Pie: There it is…

Weetapidol out!


Post a Comment

<< Home