Thursday, March 05, 2009

Meatloaf Sucks, Right?

Pie: hello! Weetapidol IN.
Weetabix:
hellllooooo
Weetabix:
Is Pepsi sponsoring this now?
Pie: I have no idea who any of these people are

Pie: just let me say that from the get go

Weetabix: No idea
Weetabix:
but apparently yellow is in… who knew?
Pie: I certainly did not

Pie: this... is aMERICAN Idol

Weetabix:
This is the chance of a lifetime!!!
Weetabix:
Man, has it already been a year since we watched this show?
Weetabix:
it doesn't seem like a year
Weetabix:
that was a fast year
Pie: did you see they had all seven Idol winners on some Disney cruise thing?
Weetabix: we should go on that cruise
Weetabix:
they should SEND US on that cruise
Pie: I wonder how much they had to pay Kelly Clarkson to show up… Taylor Hicks did it for a Home Depot gift card
Weetabix: HA!
Weetabix: poor Taylor
Weetabix: I wonder if he could get off his night shift at the Walmart
Pie: he is currently playing Teen Angel at Walmart

Pie: Alexis... and... some... other people
Pie: I caught "Alexis." There is someone named Alexis.
Weetabix: final group! this isn't top 12! You've tricked me, Mopie!
Pie: no, this has to be top 12! isn't it?
Weetabix: I don't care
Weetabix: we're here, we're queer, let's do this thing
Weetabix: Simon Cowell's hair has a strange slant
Pie: oh, and the new judge!
Pie: this is a whole new crazy world
Weetabix: just like that Disney song! it's all topical
Pie: what the hell are these rules?
Pie: okay VON SMITH, TAYLOR NOT HICKS, ALEX SOMEONE, ARIANNA, JU'NOT, KRISTEN, NATHANEIEIWHW…
Pie: too drunk to keep going
Weetabix: wait, two guys at once?
Weetabix: what was up with the two guys?
are there siamese twins?
Pie: there is someone named Kendall Beard
Pie: she's going to end up married to Tom Cruise, I know it.
Weetabix: that would be awesome
Pie: or Ryan Seacrest!
Weetabix: I want THAT American Idol!
Pie: I missed the two guys
Pie: if there are Siamese Twins that would rule
Weetabix: they could do sweet sweet harmonies

Weetabix: I enjoy watching you drink the wine... silently
Pie: note to readers: we are on Skype and can view each other doing silent things
Pie: like wine drinking
Pie: and laughing at each other's jokes
Pie: and... doing... hand... motions.
Pie: and looking confused at said hand motions.
Weetabix: it adds to the interest when we do the Elliot bat motion

VON DUTCH
Pie: wait, so this is Von something…
Weetabix: Von Dutch
Pie: Von Dutch! totes.
Weetabix: he's got exploding rose petals!
Pie: is he wearing ruby slippers?
Weetabix: I don't approve of his footwear
Pie: I don't approve of his voice so much
Weetabix: no, he's... hmmm. That guy on Riddick and also, Lord of the Rings
Pie: okay I need to ask Shmuel, if he's reading this, to send me the link to what he Twittered was "best Idol performance ever."
Pie: I need to know what that was.
Weetabix: well, it's certainly not this one
Pie: Ha!
Weetabix: I wonder if they coordinated the exploding rose petals to his footwear
Pie: Von Dutch is making unfortunate faces as he sings
Weetabix: who is the douche with the fucking HEADBAND?
Pie: where is there a headband dude?
Weetabix: I'm fixated on his shoes. Are they Puma? Nike? I must know.
Pie: maybe headbands are back, like yellow. you don't know. WE KNOW NOTHING.
Weetabix: We are learning things, already in the first performance. And we have Von Dutch to thank for that.
Pie: aw, Randy! "yo yo yo"! did he "work it out"?
Weetabix: Again with the patterned shirts and gigantic watch
Pie: and he is saying "dawg." It's like coming home.
Weetabix: Aw, I missed the gigantic Randy watch
Weetabix: ok, weird new judge chick
Pie: now some lady is sitting there. hello, confusing new lady.
Weetabix: do we know what her name is? she's a little crazy
Pie: we do not. we should just name her something.
Weetabix: She looks like Ione Skye
Pie: yes! Ione Skye is good.
Pie: wow, Paula! still on drugs.
Pie: YOU ARE NO CLAY AIKEN, VON DUTCH.
Weetabix: oh, seriously who does this guy look like
Weetabix: Wait, sneakers! Neither Puma nor Nike. I'm perplexed.
Pie: please, Simon. pleeeeeease.
Weetabix: and what is Simon doing with his hand? To paula's back?
Weetabix: is he feeling her backbone? It's very beguiling.
Pie: he is winding her up
Pie: pulling her string
Pie: she just said "pitch perfect"
Pie: he just pulled the string and she said words
Pie: THAT IS HOW PAULA WORKS
Weetabix: HA!
Pie: so are these people.... in the top.. what? 400? 24? 48? when are we int he top 12?
Weetabix: I have no idea
Weetabix: I miss Ryan's suits. Do we have to wait until Top 12 for suits?
Weetabix: I DEMAND THE DUNKLEMAN!
Pie: Hee!
Pie: bring back Dunkleman! and John Cusak with a boom box.


COMMERCIALS
Weetabix: I hate the finger thing. I would like to start the season right now by saying "No more The Finger!"
Pie: [WEETABIX CLARIFIES OVER SKYPE THAT IT IS THE VOTE FOR ME FINGER]

TAYLOR UTAH
Pie: TAYLOR SOMETHING
Weetabix: Utah gives good talent
Weetabix: she's from Utah
Pie: did you catch the last name?
Weetabix: Taylor Utah
Pie: Taylor Utah has a crying little sister and funny hair
Pie: she does not look Morman
Weetabix: I have been to Utah and sister, that is not Utah in the background
Weetabix: but I'm liking the liquid leather leggings
Pie: I enjoy her little dress and outfit
Weetabix: and the whole outfit is lovely
Weetabix: I bought some liquid leather leggings, just to have them
Pie: do you spray them on?
Weetabix: no, they are unworn as of this juncture
Pie: her voice sounds nervous
Weetabix: agreed… her stance is a little strange too
Pie: well she's doing better on the chorus
Weetabix: a little "I'm giving birthy"
Pie: go, Taylor Utah! I inexplicably like her.
Weetabix: maybe it's the dress
Weetabix: I do too… I don't know what it is
Pie: she has a good voice, this Taylor Utah
Weetabix: by the way, did you see? Jordin Sparks has lost significant amounts of weight now
Pie: no kidding?
Weetabix: now she has a giant head thing situation going on
Pie: she looked the same on the Disney Cruise clip
Weetabix: maybe it was the angle
Weetabix: "YOU HAVE A VOICE"
Weetabix: aw, Taylor Utah is crying
Pie: the clip I saw by the way was Carrie Underwood and David Cook dueting on.... I will look it up. that Stevie Nicks band.
Pie: so this new judge?
Pie: reminds me of the fake judge on my American Idol karaoke game. it's like... not Paula... and she's talking.. and I'm confused.
Weetabix: Fleetwood Mac?!
Weetabix: is that the Stevie Nicks band? FLEETWOOD MAC?!
Pie: YES! Fleetwood Mac!
Pie: they did some duet. it was good.
Weetabix: Aw, she's only 17
Weetabix: look at how wee Ryan is standing next to the 17 year old girl!!
Pie: they were kind of mean to Taylor Utah.
Weetabix: I never knew what Kelly Clarkson was like in the first few weeks. I did not know what it was like to go shopping with David Cook.
Pie: I would like to go shopping with Taylor Hicks. because he has a gift card to Home Depot.
Weetabix: You're such a Home Depot slut.
Weetabix: I'll bet Taylor is into woodworking now, like most of America's retired community
Pie: I love how in Grease they have him playing the AGED TEEN IDOL.
Pie: like, fuck it, we'll cast him as the 50 year old.
Weetabix: do they? I haven't seen it yet
Pie: it's the Frankie Avalon part
Weetabix: That’s just sad.

ALEX SOMETHING
Weetabix: Alex something?
Pie: commerical! more wine.
Weetabix: every time you get up, I can see straight down your shirt. Weetapidolers, you're missing the boobie cam
Pie: someone named ALEX and people think he is a DORK
Weetabix: Apparently this show has something to do with Coca-Cola
Weetabix: wait, the 'I'm dorky' card is what carried David Archuleta to the finals!
Weetabix: that's a smart move
Pie: ALEX HYPHEN-ATED
Weetabix: Alex Wagner-Truttmansomething?
Pie: yeah and speaking of Clay Aiken
Weetabix: totally
Weetabix: his hair is very Adam Sandler
Weetabix: in general, he looks like a young dorky Adam Sandler
Pie: I enjoy dorky men, as you may be aware, so I am rooting for him!
Weetabix: wait, he's 18, how could he be in a "long distance relationship for awhile"
Pie: he is in a "long-distance relationship" e.g. "someone he met on the Internet"
Weetabix: HA!
Weetabix: on the AOL "My parents are lame" chat room
Pie: it is someone from World of Warcraft
and probably a dude pretending to be a hot chick
Weetabix: hey, that's a 40 level elf wizard you're talking about!
Pie: Ha!
Pie: he has very active eyebrows
Weetabix: I do enjoy expressive eyebrows, but that supposed glory note? It sounded like premature ejaculation.
Weetabix: he does not have a very wonderful voice
Pie: yeah, this whole song is kind of turning into that
Weetabix: this is mildly painful
Weetabix: OH MY GOD
Weetabix: "time on my hands" almost killed me
Pie: no. it is. sorry, Alex. I like you but this sucks.
Pie: go back to trying to level up your dwarf mage, because you're done.
Weetabix: yes, he's affable and he has big feet (huh?) but the boy did not rock this, dawg
Weetabix: oh, he got Dad's looks. Poor thing.

Weetabix: We haven't spent any money, Paula. This is network television.
Pie: wait, why is Paul talking first? are they skipping Ione and Randy?
Weetabix: perhaps? Maybe it's a time savings measure
Weetabix: Simon will always get the final word
Weetabix: Randy and Ione Skye have been usurped
Weetabix: they've diluted the brand of the judges… in marketing terms
Pie: Simon is not wrong about him being a little hamster. why did we not call Archuleta a hamster? why!?!?
Weetabix: because we are, sadly, not as mean as Simon
Weetabix: wait, now we've got Randy
Weetabix: I have no idea. I don't understand this new logic.
Pie: this is a whole new weird world and I don't understand it
Weetabix: I kind of don't like Ione Skye's criticism
Pie: if Pepsi was sponsoring I wouldn't be surprised
Weetabix: maybe Ione Skye's sponsored by Pepsi
Weetabix: I think I loathe her
Pie: yeah, she's plunked in the middle of the Coke-sponsored judges
Pie: Ryan sure does look comfortable stroking that mike stand in his tight pants.
Weetabix: I think I would pay $500 to watch Ryan get a chubby in the middle of one of these Ryan Raps sessions
Weetabix: and I'm unemployed. That's saying a lot.
Pie: I would pay $500 if you didn't tell me about it.


ARIANA FLUFFINGTON
Weetabix: ARIANA blub blub
Pie: ah yes, miss blub blub
Pie: ABBA!!!! someone is singing ABBA!
Weetabix: Three more people into the top 12
Pie: I love you, Arianna!!!
Weetabix: about fucking time
Weetabix: they should have Abba WEEK
Pie: they should!! oh my god.
Weetabix: why have they not capitalized on that? Especially in the light of the success of Mamma Mia
Weetabix: oh lovely
Pie: she is singing "The Winner Takes It All"
Weetabix: The Winner Takes It All!
Pie: we did not type the names of any of the other songs anyone sang
Pie: because WE DID NOT CARE
Weetabix: Meryl did that fantastically in the movie
Weetabix: and Meryl Streep legitimized Abba!
Pie: that movie sucked; the direction was terrible
Weetabix: oh, the movie did suck, but Meryl was fantastic with this song
Weetabix: it actually caused me to like Meryl for the first time of my entire life
Pie: I am swaying
Weetabix: oh, the beginning wasn't nice though
Pie: I like that she is making it her own
Weetabix: oh no no no no no
Pie: I can't decide if I love this or hate it.
Weetabix: I will wait until the chorus
Pie: what about Meryl all spastic during the ENTIRE REST OF THE MOVIE?
Pie: I think she's overrated.
Weetabix: I blame direction on that, and having to listen to Pierce Brosnan sing, which had to be painful
Pie: heh. no kidding.
Pie: the glory note could have been better... Meryl did it better.
Weetabix: I do too, always have, but I did love the song in the movie
Pie: sorry, Ariana Fluffington.
Weetabix: this, however, I did not like
Weetabix: I may be biased, however, for my Abba love
Pie: no, it was not great.
Weetabix: she's got very pretty eyes, though
Weetabix: she's a pretty girl
Pie: so far I am not impelled to vote for anyone.
Weetabix: in fact, she reminds me of my niece Abby
Pie: OH MY GOD. she does look like Abby. that is eerie.
Pie: [WEETABIX POURS MORE WINE]
Weetabix: Randy seems to be wearing a Friendship necklace from summer camp
Pie: ha!
Pie: Ione Skye has a lisp
Pie: and she just told Fluffington to "touch people"
Weetabix: no, "cute as a button" is not a compliment when you want to be taken seriously. But then again, you don't go on American Idol if you want to be taken seriously either.
Pie: touche
Weetabix: I'm enjoying Paula's earrings tonight.
Weetabix: it's almost... flag of Russia?
Pie: they have stars! they are a delight.
Weetabix: [MO DRINKS WINE]
Pie: [TRUE]
Pie: see how much skype brings to the table?
Pie: it is almost as if we are together again.
Weetabix: it brings the WORLD to the table!

JU’NOT
Weetabix: wait, plain white T's?! oh no
Pie: SOMEONE IS SINGING PLAIN WHITE T'S!
Weetabix: not Hey There Deliliah
Pie: please be Hey There Deliliah
Pie: jinx!
Pie: opposite jinx!
Weetabix: please please no
Weetabix: no
Weetabix: no
Weetabix: no
Pie: yes
Pie: yes
Pie: yes
Weetabix: yes, anti jinx!
Pie: Ju'Not is his name...
Pie: Junot Diaz is a fabulous author!
Weetabix: Seriously, they were judging outside of a boat?
Pie: also he bribed the judges with his cute child
Weetabix: that is smart
Pie: I en'Joy names with apostrophes
Weetabix: I would have passed him a'long as well
Pie: He is singing Hey There Deliliah! I WIN!
Weetabix: it IS Hey There Delilah!
Weetabix: well of course it is
Weetabix: what else would he sing by the Plain White Ts
Weetabix: they've got one other song that ju'st came out but I don't know what it is
Pie: it is strange that he is black, yet this is the WHITEST SONG. I feel the need to point that out because I am a racist.
Weetabix: HE'S WEARING HANDCUFFS… HANDCUFFS
Weetabix: why are there HANDCUFFS!?!?!
Pie: I do not see said handcuffs.
Weetabix: are handcuffs the new wallet chain?
Weetabix: it's on his belt area
Weetabix: like, clipped to a belt loop on his left side
Weetabix: I am flummoxed
Pie: I will vote for him just for singing this song and "making it his own."
Weetabix: I'm not hating this
Weetabix: despite the fact that it's Hey There Delilah
Pie: this is my favorite so far, by a mile.
Weetabix: I did not hate it, but again, HANDCUFFS
Weetabix: nice devil hands
Pie: thank you!
Pie: I enjoyed that note, and I enjoy this song.
Weetabix: sorry, Hey There Delilah never should earn devil horns
Pie: well it should also never be sung by a black person, and yet here we are.
Weetabix: Randy is addressing that issue
Weetabix: of r&b versus Plain White Guys song
Pie: Randy loved it! Dawg.
Pie: me too. Dawg.
Weetabix: Ione Skye is such a douche
Pie: Ione Skye is trying too hard to be a judge.
Weetabix: Paula's like "show me the child again!? You have a child! I know you do!"
Pie: Paula: "Why did you not carry your child on the stage with you?"
Weetabix: Paula's wearing like, Oscar-worthy bling. All the Harry Winstons that didn't go to the Oscars in one fell swoop
Pie: Simon and his perplexing hair also enjoyed it!
Pie: ooh, wanted the whole song stripped down.. I would have enjoyed that also.
Weetabix: I wish Ju'not had stripped. Period.
Weetabix: he's a fine man.
Pie: I can't co'sign that, I'm sorry.
Weetabix: As you should be.
Weetabix: HandCUFFS
Weetabix: did you see them?
Pie: he also has a cross
Weetabix: Wait, don't call the Plain White T's "artists"
Pie: he's no Daughtry
Weetabix: No, certainly not. I have seen Daughtry and no, he is no Daughtry.
Weetabix: Handcuffs or Hand'cuffs
Pie: please, you like Death Cab, and suddenly you are on your high horse about the Plain White T's
Weetabix: Touche.
Pie: you love emo white bands
Weetabix: I perhaps might have liked Plain White T's until they went Top 40, and then it killed it for me.
Weetabix: I only like emo white boys who are not tainted by the Ryan Seacrest Sunday Countdown.

KRISTEN
Pie: so only two of these people are even going to be in the top 12?
Weetabix: three?
Pie: I feel like such a sucker,.
Weetabix: look! Simon Le Bon! Nathaniel!
Pie: ha!
Weetabix: Kristen is weird
Pie: KRISTEN McSOMETHING
Weetabix: Kristen looks like a Playboy girl
Pie: she looks like.. wh is it? Kelly Ripa? Elizabeth Hasselback? Joy from My Name Is Earl?
Weetabix: oh, yes, that's it, Jaime Pressley
Weetabix: and in the opposite of Ju'Not, she's the whitest girl ever, singing Tracy Chapman
Pie: and also in the opposite of Ju'Not, she sucks.
Weetabix: it's bad karaoke
Weetabix: and her dress is not cute, although normally I like those colors together
Weetabix: you're enjoying Jaime way too much
Pie: I am dancing for you
Pie: I am drunk
Pie: and also
Pie: in addition
Pie: she sucks
Weetabix: it's more entertaining than Joy from My Name is Earl
Weetabix: she really does suck
Weetabix: and those bangs are so 8 years ago
Weetabix: I enjoyed watching you just fall out of frame a minute ago
Weetabix: did you knock over your wine?
Pie: I just broke my TV
Weetabix: oh noooo!
Pie: now the man is singing
Weetabix: you're only missing the worst glory note ever. Maybe it was that note that broke the tv, not your drunken dancing
Pie: I am rewinding
Weetabix: you're way too far!
Pie: tell me when Jamie Pressley is done
Weetabix: Ione Skye is claiming that Kristen is a great singer. Ione Skye is wrong.
Weetabix: Kristen has some very strong calf muscles, by the way
Pie: okay I am there! she is saying good things about Jamie Pressley... inexplicable
Weetabix: I'll bet its from all the deep knee bends that she does
Weetabix: I'm guessing that she's a runner, actually
Weetabix: or does a lot of stairmaster
Weetabix: one does not get those calves from shopping.
Weetabix: Mopie, you are listing to the left
Weetabix: She's got shoulder roses. I don't appreciate that look.
Pie: I think they want to go shopping with Jamie

NATHANIEL
Weetabix: Nathaniel is... a lot of look.
Pie: I am not there yet! should I fast forward?
Weetabix: I kind of love him already
Weetabix: yes
Weetabix: yes
Weetabix: yes
Weetabix: yes
Weetabix: yes
Weetabix: you need to see this
Pie: I am on his video
Weetabix: I'm just in the video
Pie: he is smiling and signing thngs
Weetabix: OH MY GOD, he's singing Meatloaf
Weetabix: sadly, not good Meatloaf… but still, Meatloaf
Pie: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Weetabix: it's like my dream artist night!
Pie: FAIL.
Pie: FAIL WHALE.
Pie: he doesn't have to sing a fucking note. he is out.
Weetabix: he's got a neck tattoo
Pie: Meat
Pie: fucking
Pie: Loaf
Weetabix: it's like Meatloaf as sung on a Disney cruise ship
Weetabix: I don't know what to make of Simon Le Bon singing this song
Pie: kill me.
Pie: someone literally please come here and put me to death.
Weetabix: why sing Meatloaf if you're going to sing it like this? Why?
Pie: why sing Meatloaf AT ALL EVER?!?!?!
Weetabix: The point of Meatloaf is emotion, pure and raw and visceral.
Weetabix: He's missing the point of the 'Loaf!
Pie: The point of Meatloaf?? THERE IS NO POINT.
Weetabix: Oh, it's POINTY!
Weetabix: [MOPIE PRETENDS TO COMMIT SUICIDE WITH A REVOLVER FINGER IN THE MOUTH]
Pie: I could not express my feelings n any other way.
Weetabix: He's got Butch Patrick fangs
Weetabix: I need to take off my shirt
Pie: YES!
Pie: [WEETABIX STRIPS]
Weetabix: Simon, no one will like that.
Weetabix: I enjoy Meatloaf, but I did not enjoy that song.
Pie: I am questioning our entire friendship based on that, AND ALSO did not enjoy the song.
Weetabix: Why the ear stretching, by the way?
Weetabix: Oh, whatever, Clay Aiken!
Pie: okay Clay Aiken has taken an unfortunate turn
Pie: but at least he can sing
Pie: oh god, his mom has no teeth. I feel kind of bad now.
Weetabix: As well you should! He's from the trailer court!
Weetabix: Meatloaf is amazing. And also, I have nostalgia from getting drunk with my much-too-old boyfriend when I was in high school.
Pie: no. MEATLOAF IS NOT AMAZING.
Weetabix: He doesn't know from fashion!
Pie: if anyone is reading this, please back me up here. MEATLOAF = SUCKS.
Pie: Ione Skye..... just... .stop.
Weetabix: You clearly have not gotten high while listening to Bat out of Hell when you were 17
Weetabix: Yeah, I'm so over Ione Skye
Weetabix: Aw, look at his little in-bred family
Pie: I made out to Meatloaf a lot... WITH A GAY MAN.
Weetabix: Well, that's the problem, right there. You had negative reinforcement.
Weetabix: Actually, my much-too-old boyfriend also turned out to be gay, so there it is.
Weetabix: and yet, different reactions. Huh. Weird.
Weetabix: Maybe it was the pot?
Pie: he sang "Disturbia"?
Pie: that is on my workout playlist and is awesome.
Weetabix: The Rhianna version? That might have been worth it.
Pie: yes
Weetabix: Paula likes Meatloaf! She's diluting the Meatloaf brand! Much more than the gay ex-boyfriend connotation
Pie: I need to look that shit up on YouTube.
Weetabix: Ryan's also got a huge watch.
Pie: I have also finished an entire bottle of wine
Weetabix: Simon Le Bon has a LOT of body art for such a young boy.
Weetabix I have almost finished a bottle of wine
Pie: DEVIL HORNS

FELICIA BARTON
Weetabix: Felicia Barton! stay at home mom?
Pie: she is pretty
Weetabix: very pretty
Pie: why are they doing final judging in weird giant Alice in Wonderland red chairs?
Weetabix: wait, they called her back? why did they call her back? What's the story on that?
Weetabix: Oh not Alicia Keys
Weetabix: I'm so sick of No One… I hope she sings it better than Alicia Keys
Weetabix: that's a big act to follow
Pie: she does not sing it better
Weetabix: She's got like, too big of a voice or something
Weetabix: Like, she's belting it too much
Pie: that is a good way to put it
Pie: and yet she is so pretty
Weetabix: That's the problem if you haven't been professionally trained
Pie: I am blinded by wanting to kind of have sex with her....
Weetabix: if you belt it all the time, then you have nowhere to go when you really need to belt it, and that's when you get squeaky
Pie: oh! she looks like Rashida Jones
Weetabix: oh, that's a good comparison
Weetabix: I think the performance wasn't bad, but I don't like the song in general
Pie: no, it was not bad
Weetabix: I think she picked a bad song, quite honestly
Pie: she is gorgeous, it is true. VOTE FOR RASHIDA!
Weetabix: her hair reminds me of your sister
Pie: Paula is hot for her and agrees with me.
Weetabix: CAROLINE! WHOM I WAS SO EXCITED TO SEE LAST WEEK!
Pie: okay I am all "woo! hot! woo!" and you are like "YOUR SISTER"
Weetabix: ha! whoops
Weetabix: she is hot
Weetabix: as is your sister
Pie: talk about a boner killer.
Pie: I DO NOT FIND MY SISTER HOT EXCEPT EMPIRICALLY I CAN SEE YOUR POINT BUT EW.
Weetabix: I am sorry. I will endeavor to be a boner cultivator.
Pie: excellent. go Rashida! Felicia, Rashida, same thing.
Weetabix: Ryan had some personal touching for a very prolonged amount of time.
Weetabix: it might be Ryan Chubby time.
Weetabix: Or maybe I just need $500.

SCOTT McIntyre
Weetabix: Scott! With crazy crazy hair
Pie: Scott McIntyre! I think he's one of the New Kids on the Block
Weetabix: really?
Pie: no.
Weetabix: Oh, he's BLIND
Weetabix: oh my god
Pie: he sang Home!
Pie: by DOG TREE!
Pie: thats what we call him in my house. DOG TREE.
Weetabix: and he's BLIND! Now I want to do him
Pie: you have a blind guy fetish?
Weetabix: Apparently. Who knew?
Weetabix: Blind guy in argyle with a wallet chain? I might just implode.
Weetabix: I am not a big Bruce Hornsby fan.
Weetabix: The Captain is, and perhaps that is why I am not.
Weetabix: You know, because he cannot see, his voice is enhanced.
Weetabix: it's a proven fact.
Weetabix: [MOPIE HAS NOW LISTED ENTIRELY TO THE RIGHT]
Pie: this dude is good. he is GOOD.
Weetabix: In my pants. He's in.
Weetabix: America will be voting for blind guy.
Weetabix: Blind Guy is in the Top 10. Mark my words.
Pie: yes.
Weetabix: His entire family has very large teeth. I'm getting an Osmond vibe.
Weetabix: When Ione Skye agrees, she does this weird teeth sucking thing with her mouth.
Pie: oh dear. is that code for incest?
Weetabix: Or maybe Hot Mormon Underpants.
Pie: Osmond = Dollanganger
Weetabix: Are they really?
Weetabix: I had no idea. I have not read the difinitive Osmond expose
Pie: I don't know, it's just a vibe
Weetabix: Maybe that's why he's blind? Because his mother trapped him in an attic.
and fed him arsenic doughnuts.
Pie: I though his voice was good. and yes. he ate…
Pie: yes! arsenic donuts. exactly where I was going with that.
Pie: go Scott!
Weetabix: How many of our generation kind of got off on the weird incest sex between Chris and Cathy Dollanganger in the attic? If we were really truthful about it?
Pie: everyone… 98%
Weetabix: And the other two percent is lying.
Pie: thank god I didn't have a brother, or else I would be uber-confused.
Weetabix: Sorry, he's hot. I think I have my crush.
Pie: GO SCOTT!
Weetabix: Yeah, I'm glad that my brother wasn't born until I was 18. Because seriously, I'd have been distracted.


MRS. RYAN SEACREST
Pie: Randy is pretending to be Ryan.. this is how they fill two hours
Weetabix: "I'll go to Puerto Rico where I'll only have to compete against brown people"
Weetabix: "I feel like this is a song that every girl can relate to"... not girls who spontaneously hurl when they hear country music
Pie: she looks like she has fake hair
Weetabix: MOPIE IS GROOVING
Weetabix: She's got fake everything
Weetabix: fake tan, wig, etc… sadly, not a fake voice
Weetabix: I'm not impressed, especially not after blind guy
Pie: no, no kidding. you're no blind guy, blondie.
Weetabix: I'm not sure how I feel about her belt situation
Pie: is it a situation?
Weetabix: there's a lot of Michael's Craft Store hot glued to that belt
Weetabix: I don't know, she's very cute, but I actually liked Rashida Jones better
Pie: yeah, GO RASHIDA!
Weetabix: Talk about the belt, Ione Skye!
Weetabix: Best outfit, Paula? Really? REALLY!?
Pie: it's PAULA. how are you surprised?
Weetabix: Actually, I think if I went on AI, I would be very sad if Paula liked my outfit.
Weetabix: also, Paula is basically wearing the same thing, only in teal.
Weetabix: Do you think Simon has pec implants?
Weetabix: His nipples are always erect, and I believe that's a side effect
Pie: you are kidding
Pie: SRSLY?
Pie: that would be awesome. that would make me happy.
Weetabix: they have to cut the nerve that controls the nipple erection thing
Weetabix: that's why some people with implants end up with cross-eyed nipples
Pie: this girl is like a little bridesmaid.
Weetabix: she really is

JORJE NUNEZ
Pie: so they found someone in Puerto Rico!
Weetabix: Jorge has a very cute lover
Weetabix: lots of Elton John tonight
Pie: he has Expressive Eyebrows.
Weetabix: I suspect America will not be beguiled by them
Pie: god this wine is fucking good
Pie: Alpha Omega winery in the Napa Valley
Pie: [ENDORSEMENT]
Weetabix: I do enjoy them!
Weetabix: they have a new dessert one that I really like
Weetabix: but it's like, a million dollars for a very small bottle
Pie: he is slightly unfortunate looking.. he scares me with his saying things into the microphone earnestly
Weetabix: (no, it's $45 but still, when you drink as much wine as we do, you need to think in bulk)
Weetabix: he is somewhat intense
Weetabix: and also, BABALOO!
Weetabix: I'm not so much with Jorge, but yes, the eyebrows are impressive
Pie: yes, not so much. are we done yet? I have PAPERS TO GRADE.
Weetabix: God, I hope so
Pie: perhaps I should not grade papers drunk.
Weetabix: This has gone on so long! This is why we don't Weetapidol until the Top 12
COMMERCIALS
Weetabix: You missed Paula saying that she wanted to squeeze him
Pie: commercials… I caught up and there are commericals
Weetabix: and you missed Ione Sky saying "bloob"
Pie: blooooooooooooooooooob
Weetabix: are you so drunk you can no longer feel your face?
Pie: YES
Pie: WOO!
Pie: oh god I do not give a shit
Pie: who is next?
Weetabix: Latoya London Part Two
Pie: this wine is so good
Weetabix: which AO is it?
Pie: I'm sorry even hammered I can appreciate this wine
Pie: it is a merlot, and it is fabulous


LIL' ROUNDS
Pie: wow, how is that a name?
Weetabix: It sounds like a Rapper name
Pie: I have heard of Lil' Rounds
Pie: I have heard she is good.
Weetabix: is this the Twitter?
oh her kids are ADORABLE
Pie: no, I have just heard the Word on the Street
Weetabix: that's a fabulous dress
Weetabix: I enjoy Lil Rounds
Pie: she can fucking sing
Weetabix: I would buy this album
Pie: she? can fucking sing.
Pie: she can! fucking sing.
Weetabix: and also, has lovely arms
Pie: I might have to put her way up in my Idol pool.
Pie: oh my god are we finally fucking done?
Weetabix: She is amazing
Pie: srsly.
Weetabix: yes, we must be
Pie: she is good.
Pie: Lil' Rounds is a lil' bit awesome.
Weetabix: Simon likes her
Weetabix: "Brilliant!"
Weetabix: You know, I'm starting to get tired of the "You're one of the best on American Idol ever" comments
Weetabix: it's like the kiss of death
Pie: my browser crashed
Pie: I was going to say something
Pie: I forget what
Weetabix: something like "I'm drunk" or "I love Lil Rounds"
Pie: yes!

Weetabix: predictions?
Pie: either one of those or both. I vote for Lil' Rounds and Joey McIntyre
Weetabix: There's three, I believe… I hope
Pie: and the Plain Black T's guy
Weetabix: I think it's going to be Blind Guy, Lil' Rounds and Rashida
Weetabix: sadly, not my niece Abby's doppelganger
Pie: that would work too. okay! I need to go grade more papers.
Pie: HAHAHAHA!

WEETAPIDOL OUT

12 Comments:

Blogger eliza said...

God, reading this is absolutely delightful and cathartic on so many levels. Particularly on the Doppelganger level. (Why was that their name? Why?) Anyway, so glad y'all are back!

2:15 PM  
Blogger eliza said...

Dollanganger! Was so distracted by incest did not remember proper name.

I like Scott a lot as well and hope Anoop gets through tonight. So say we all!

2:17 PM  
Blogger mo pie said...

Yes, they were the Dollangangers! Welcome to the 98%, Eliza.

No idea who Anoop is. NO IDEA WHO ANYBODY IS. Where are my YouTube links?

2:20 PM  
Blogger Shmuel said...

Regarding "BEST IDOL PERFORMANCE EVER," that was in reference to Norman Gentle.

I should note that this had very little to do with the actual vocals; more a matter of sheer moxie. (Especially as he flubbed the high note.) And it really needed to be seen in context to be appreciated. And there aren't any really good copies on YouTube.

With that said, this one hasn't been pulled down yet.

(More of my reaction in my journal. And my pool [which Mo Pie won last year!] returns next week! Speaking of which... are you guys having your pool this year?)

2:20 PM  
Blogger mo pie said...

We are definitely doing the pool this year! I mentioned that on the mailing list, which you are not on, I guess!

I forgot that I won your pool last year. WOO! I RULE!

And now, off to read your blog and watch the clip... thanks!

2:27 PM  
Blogger mo pie said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

2:29 PM  
Blogger Shmuel said...

(I probably should have mentioned that Norman Gentle is a persona, the alter ego of Nick Mitchell. He's not always like that.)

The Idol people been pulling down YouTube videos right and left. I'd suggest torrenting 'em, except that would require getting entire episodes, and I figure if you wanted to do that, you'd have watched them when they aired.

You'll get to see Noop Dawg tonight, though, if you watch the wild card show. And you should! :-)

2:50 PM  
Blogger mo pie said...

It's all on my TiVo, actually, I just haven't had time to watch it! That's a lot of hours of Idol, man. Is top 12 next week?

2:58 PM  
Blogger Shmuel said...

Yes! The Top 12 begins next week! Get to watchin'! :-)

3:19 PM  
Blogger Kim said...

Just for the sake of transparency, I have been a PWTs fan since I stumbled into a club they were playing at 8 years ago.

I hated Ju'not's version.

Nathaniel's "Disturbia" was awesome.

Alexis has a baby and her boyfriend (Husband?) was shipped to Iraq, Scott is blind, Danny's wife died 6 months ago, Lil has 3 kids and her house was destroyed by a tornado, Allison is 16 & purposely did that to her hair, Anoop is named Anoop and Tatiana is Tatiana -- it is the Season of Unexpected Challenges.

I'm still racking my brain for a way for Norman Gentle to win AI. My God, I love him

3:34 PM  
Blogger Kelly S. said...

Ohhh I am SO ready for the PICKS this year...I am the reigning champ, and have been using the applause o' meter to judge my order...as long as Jasmine Murray does not win, I am fine with it all!

6:22 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am just so glad Tatiana is not in the top 13 or, I wouldn't have been able to watch this season. So. Very. Annoying.

We are loving Scott the blind guy, Danny, the widdow, Anoop-dawg, Alexis with the pink tipped hair, and Alison with the funky red hair- Kelly Clarkson clone.

That's our top 5!

This is going to be an amazingly interesting season, can't wait to see how it all plays out.

Good Luck weetapidol pool players!

Shari

P.S. I saw Meatloaf in concert and they rocked!!!!!!

1:26 PM  

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