Meatloaf Sucks, Right?

Pie: hello! Weetapidol IN.
Weetabix: hellllooooo
Weetabix: Is Pepsi sponsoring this now?
Pie: I have no idea who any of these people are
Pie: just let me say that from the get go
Weetabix: No idea
Weetabix: but apparently yellow is in… who knew?
Pie: I certainly did not
Pie: this... is aMERICAN Idol
Weetabix: This is the chance of a lifetime!!!
Weetabix: Man, has it already been a year since we watched this show?
Weetabix: it doesn't seem like a year
Weetabix: that was a fast year
Pie: did you see they had all seven Idol winners on some Disney cruise thing?
Weetabix: we should go on that cruise
Weetabix: they should SEND US on that cruise
Pie: I wonder how much they had to pay Kelly Clarkson to show up… Taylor Hicks did it for a Home Depot gift card
Weetabix: HA!
Weetabix: poor Taylor
Weetabix: I wonder if he could get off his night shift at the Walmart
Pie: he is currently playing Teen Angel at Walmart

Pie: Alexis... and... some... other people
Pie: I caught "Alexis." There is someone named Alexis.
Weetabix: final group! this isn't top 12! You've tricked me, Mopie!
Pie: no, this has to be top 12! isn't it?
Weetabix: I don't care
Weetabix: we're here, we're queer, let's do this thing
Weetabix: Simon Cowell's hair has a strange slant
Pie: oh, and the new judge!
Pie: this is a whole new crazy world
Weetabix: just like that Disney song! it's all topical
Pie: what the hell are these rules?
Pie: okay VON SMITH, TAYLOR NOT HICKS, ALEX SOMEONE, ARIANNA, JU'NOT, KRISTEN, NATHANEIEIWHW…
Pie: too drunk to keep going
Weetabix: wait, two guys at once?
Weetabix: what was up with the two guys?
are there siamese twins?
Pie: there is someone named Kendall Beard
Pie: she's going to end up married to Tom Cruise, I know it.
Weetabix: that would be awesome
Pie: or Ryan Seacrest!
Weetabix: I want THAT American Idol!
Pie: I missed the two guys
Pie: if there are Siamese Twins that would rule
Weetabix: they could do sweet sweet harmonies

Weetabix: I enjoy watching you drink the wine... silently
Pie: note to readers: we are on Skype and can view each other doing silent things
Pie: like wine drinking
Pie: and laughing at each other's jokes
Pie: and... doing... hand... motions.
Pie: and looking confused at said hand motions.
Weetabix: it adds to the interest when we do the Elliot bat motion

VON DUTCH
Pie: wait, so this is Von something…
Weetabix: Von Dutch
Pie: Von Dutch! totes.
Weetabix: he's got exploding rose petals!
Pie: is he wearing ruby slippers?
Weetabix: I don't approve of his footwear
Pie: I don't approve of his voice so much
Weetabix: no, he's... hmmm. That guy on Riddick and also, Lord of the Rings
Pie: okay I need to ask Shmuel, if he's reading this, to send me the link to what he Twittered was "best Idol performance ever."
Pie: I need to know what that was.
Weetabix: well, it's certainly not this one
Pie: Ha!
Weetabix: I wonder if they coordinated the exploding rose petals to his footwear
Pie: Von Dutch is making unfortunate faces as he sings
Weetabix: who is the douche with the fucking HEADBAND?
Pie: where is there a headband dude?
Weetabix: I'm fixated on his shoes. Are they Puma? Nike? I must know.
Pie: maybe headbands are back, like yellow. you don't know. WE KNOW NOTHING.
Weetabix: We are learning things, already in the first performance. And we have Von Dutch to thank for that.
Pie: aw, Randy! "yo yo yo"! did he "work it out"?
Weetabix: Again with the patterned shirts and gigantic watch
Pie: and he is saying "dawg." It's like coming home.
Weetabix: Aw, I missed the gigantic Randy watch
Weetabix: ok, weird new judge chick
Pie: now some lady is sitting there. hello, confusing new lady.
Weetabix: do we know what her name is? she's a little crazy
Pie: we do not. we should just name her something.
Weetabix: She looks like Ione Skye
Pie: yes! Ione Skye is good.
Pie: wow, Paula! still on drugs.
Pie: YOU ARE NO CLAY AIKEN, VON DUTCH.
Weetabix: oh, seriously who does this guy look like
Weetabix: Wait, sneakers! Neither Puma nor Nike. I'm perplexed.
Pie: please, Simon. pleeeeeease.
Weetabix: and what is Simon doing with his hand? To paula's back?
Weetabix: is he feeling her backbone? It's very beguiling.
Pie: he is winding her up
Pie: pulling her string
Pie: she just said "pitch perfect"
Pie: he just pulled the string and she said words
Pie: THAT IS HOW PAULA WORKS
Weetabix: HA!
Pie: so are these people.... in the top.. what? 400? 24? 48? when are we int he top 12?
Weetabix: I have no idea
Weetabix: I miss Ryan's suits. Do we have to wait until Top 12 for suits?
Weetabix: I DEMAND THE DUNKLEMAN!
Pie: Hee!
Pie: bring back Dunkleman! and John Cusak with a boom box.


COMMERCIALS
Weetabix: I hate the finger thing. I would like to start the season right now by saying "No more The Finger!"
Pie: [WEETABIX CLARIFIES OVER SKYPE THAT IT IS THE VOTE FOR ME FINGER]

TAYLOR UTAH
Pie: TAYLOR SOMETHING
Weetabix: Utah gives good talent
Weetabix: she's from Utah
Pie: did you catch the last name?
Weetabix: Taylor Utah
Pie: Taylor Utah has a crying little sister and funny hair
Pie: she does not look Morman
Weetabix: I have been to Utah and sister, that is not Utah in the background
Weetabix: but I'm liking the liquid leather leggings
Pie: I enjoy her little dress and outfit
Weetabix: and the whole outfit is lovely
Weetabix: I bought some liquid leather leggings, just to have them
Pie: do you spray them on?
Weetabix: no, they are unworn as of this juncture
Pie: her voice sounds nervous
Weetabix: agreed… her stance is a little strange too
Pie: well she's doing better on the chorus
Weetabix: a little "I'm giving birthy"
Pie: go, Taylor Utah! I inexplicably like her.
Weetabix: maybe it's the dress
Weetabix: I do too… I don't know what it is
Pie: she has a good voice, this Taylor Utah
Weetabix: by the way, did you see? Jordin Sparks has lost significant amounts of weight now
Pie: no kidding?
Weetabix: now she has a giant head thing situation going on
Pie: she looked the same on the Disney Cruise clip
Weetabix: maybe it was the angle
Weetabix: "YOU HAVE A VOICE"
Weetabix: aw, Taylor Utah is crying
Pie: the clip I saw by the way was Carrie Underwood and David Cook dueting on.... I will look it up. that Stevie Nicks band.
Pie: so this new judge?
Pie: reminds me of the fake judge on my American Idol karaoke game. it's like... not Paula... and she's talking.. and I'm confused.
Weetabix: Fleetwood Mac?!
Weetabix: is that the Stevie Nicks band? FLEETWOOD MAC?!
Pie: YES! Fleetwood Mac!
Pie: they did some duet. it was good.
Weetabix: Aw, she's only 17
Weetabix: look at how wee Ryan is standing next to the 17 year old girl!!
Pie: they were kind of mean to Taylor Utah.
Weetabix: I never knew what Kelly Clarkson was like in the first few weeks. I did not know what it was like to go shopping with David Cook.
Pie: I would like to go shopping with Taylor Hicks. because he has a gift card to Home Depot.
Weetabix: You're such a Home Depot slut.
Weetabix: I'll bet Taylor is into woodworking now, like most of America's retired community
Pie: I love how in Grease they have him playing the AGED TEEN IDOL.
Pie: like, fuck it, we'll cast him as the 50 year old.
Weetabix: do they? I haven't seen it yet
Pie: it's the Frankie Avalon part
Weetabix: That’s just sad.

ALEX SOMETHING
Weetabix: Alex something?
Pie: commerical! more wine.
Weetabix: every time you get up, I can see straight down your shirt. Weetapidolers, you're missing the boobie cam
Pie: someone named ALEX and people think he is a DORK
Weetabix: Apparently this show has something to do with Coca-Cola
Weetabix: wait, the 'I'm dorky' card is what carried David Archuleta to the finals!
Weetabix: that's a smart move
Pie: ALEX HYPHEN-ATED
Weetabix: Alex Wagner-Truttmansomething?
Pie: yeah and speaking of Clay Aiken
Weetabix: totally
Weetabix: his hair is very Adam Sandler
Weetabix: in general, he looks like a young dorky Adam Sandler
Pie: I enjoy dorky men, as you may be aware, so I am rooting for him!
Weetabix: wait, he's 18, how could he be in a "long distance relationship for awhile"
Pie: he is in a "long-distance relationship" e.g. "someone he met on the Internet"
Weetabix: HA!
Weetabix: on the AOL "My parents are lame" chat room
Pie: it is someone from World of Warcraft
and probably a dude pretending to be a hot chick
Weetabix: hey, that's a 40 level elf wizard you're talking about!
Pie: Ha!
Pie: he has very active eyebrows
Weetabix: I do enjoy expressive eyebrows, but that supposed glory note? It sounded like premature ejaculation.
Weetabix: he does not have a very wonderful voice
Pie: yeah, this whole song is kind of turning into that
Weetabix: this is mildly painful
Weetabix: OH MY GOD
Weetabix: "time on my hands" almost killed me
Pie: no. it is. sorry, Alex. I like you but this sucks.
Pie: go back to trying to level up your dwarf mage, because you're done.
Weetabix: yes, he's affable and he has big feet (huh?) but the boy did not rock this, dawg
Weetabix: oh, he got Dad's looks. Poor thing.

Weetabix: We haven't spent any money, Paula. This is network television.
Pie: wait, why is Paul talking first? are they skipping Ione and Randy?
Weetabix: perhaps? Maybe it's a time savings measure
Weetabix: Simon will always get the final word
Weetabix: Randy and Ione Skye have been usurped
Weetabix: they've diluted the brand of the judges… in marketing terms
Pie: Simon is not wrong about him being a little hamster. why did we not call Archuleta a hamster? why!?!?
Weetabix: because we are, sadly, not as mean as Simon
Weetabix: wait, now we've got Randy
Weetabix: I have no idea. I don't understand this new logic.
Pie: this is a whole new weird world and I don't understand it
Weetabix: I kind of don't like Ione Skye's criticism
Pie: if Pepsi was sponsoring I wouldn't be surprised
Weetabix: maybe Ione Skye's sponsored by Pepsi
Weetabix: I think I loathe her
Pie: yeah, she's plunked in the middle of the Coke-sponsored judges
Pie: Ryan sure does look comfortable stroking that mike stand in his tight pants.
Weetabix: I think I would pay $500 to watch Ryan get a chubby in the middle of one of these Ryan Raps sessions
Weetabix: and I'm unemployed. That's saying a lot.
Pie: I would pay $500 if you didn't tell me about it.


ARIANA FLUFFINGTON
Weetabix: ARIANA blub blub
Pie: ah yes, miss blub blub
Pie: ABBA!!!! someone is singing ABBA!
Weetabix: Three more people into the top 12
Pie: I love you, Arianna!!!
Weetabix: about fucking time
Weetabix: they should have Abba WEEK
Pie: they should!! oh my god.
Weetabix: why have they not capitalized on that? Especially in the light of the success of Mamma Mia
Weetabix: oh lovely
Pie: she is singing "The Winner Takes It All"
Weetabix: The Winner Takes It All!
Pie: we did not type the names of any of the other songs anyone sang
Pie: because WE DID NOT CARE
Weetabix: Meryl did that fantastically in the movie
Weetabix: and Meryl Streep legitimized Abba!
Pie: that movie sucked; the direction was terrible
Weetabix: oh, the movie did suck, but Meryl was fantastic with this song
Weetabix: it actually caused me to like Meryl for the first time of my entire life
Pie: I am swaying
Weetabix: oh, the beginning wasn't nice though
Pie: I like that she is making it her own
Weetabix: oh no no no no no
Pie: I can't decide if I love this or hate it.
Weetabix: I will wait until the chorus
Pie: what about Meryl all spastic during the ENTIRE REST OF THE MOVIE?
Pie: I think she's overrated.
Weetabix: I blame direction on that, and having to listen to Pierce Brosnan sing, which had to be painful
Pie: heh. no kidding.
Pie: the glory note could have been better... Meryl did it better.
Weetabix: I do too, always have, but I did love the song in the movie
Pie: sorry, Ariana Fluffington.
Weetabix: this, however, I did not like
Weetabix: I may be biased, however, for my Abba love
Pie: no, it was not great.
Weetabix: she's got very pretty eyes, though
Weetabix: she's a pretty girl
Pie: so far I am not impelled to vote for anyone.
Weetabix: in fact, she reminds me of my niece Abby
Pie: OH MY GOD. she does look like Abby. that is eerie.
Pie: [WEETABIX POURS MORE WINE]
Weetabix: Randy seems to be wearing a Friendship necklace from summer camp
Pie: ha!
Pie: Ione Skye has a lisp
Pie: and she just told Fluffington to "touch people"
Weetabix: no, "cute as a button" is not a compliment when you want to be taken seriously. But then again, you don't go on American Idol if you want to be taken seriously either.
Pie: touche
Weetabix: I'm enjoying Paula's earrings tonight.
Weetabix: it's almost... flag of Russia?
Pie: they have stars! they are a delight.
Weetabix: [MO DRINKS WINE]
Pie: [TRUE]
Pie: see how much skype brings to the table?
Pie: it is almost as if we are together again.
Weetabix: it brings the WORLD to the table!

JU’NOT
Weetabix: wait, plain white T's?! oh no
Pie: SOMEONE IS SINGING PLAIN WHITE T'S!
Weetabix: not Hey There Deliliah
Pie: please be Hey There Deliliah
Pie: jinx!
Pie: opposite jinx!
Weetabix: please please no
Weetabix: no
Weetabix: no
Weetabix: no
Pie: yes
Pie: yes
Pie: yes
Weetabix: yes, anti jinx!
Pie: Ju'Not is his name...
Pie: Junot Diaz is a fabulous author!
Weetabix: Seriously, they were judging outside of a boat?
Pie: also he bribed the judges with his cute child
Weetabix: that is smart
Pie: I en'Joy names with apostrophes
Weetabix: I would have passed him a'long as well
Pie: He is singing Hey There Deliliah! I WIN!
Weetabix: it IS Hey There Delilah!
Weetabix: well of course it is
Weetabix: what else would he sing by the Plain White Ts
Weetabix: they've got one other song that ju'st came out but I don't know what it is
Pie: it is strange that he is black, yet this is the WHITEST SONG. I feel the need to point that out because I am a racist.
Weetabix: HE'S WEARING HANDCUFFS… HANDCUFFS
Weetabix: why are there HANDCUFFS!?!?!
Pie: I do not see said handcuffs.
Weetabix: are handcuffs the new wallet chain?
Weetabix: it's on his belt area
Weetabix: like, clipped to a belt loop on his left side
Weetabix: I am flummoxed
Pie: I will vote for him just for singing this song and "making it his own."
Weetabix: I'm not hating this
Weetabix: despite the fact that it's Hey There Delilah
Pie: this is my favorite so far, by a mile.
Weetabix: I did not hate it, but again, HANDCUFFS
Weetabix: nice devil hands
Pie: thank you!
Pie: I enjoyed that note, and I enjoy this song.
Weetabix: sorry, Hey There Delilah never should earn devil horns
Pie: well it should also never be sung by a black person, and yet here we are.
Weetabix: Randy is addressing that issue
Weetabix: of r&b versus Plain White Guys song
Pie: Randy loved it! Dawg.
Pie: me too. Dawg.
Weetabix: Ione Skye is such a douche
Pie: Ione Skye is trying too hard to be a judge.
Weetabix: Paula's like "show me the child again!? You have a child! I know you do!"
Pie: Paula: "Why did you not carry your child on the stage with you?"
Weetabix: Paula's wearing like, Oscar-worthy bling. All the Harry Winstons that didn't go to the Oscars in one fell swoop
Pie: Simon and his perplexing hair also enjoyed it!
Pie: ooh, wanted the whole song stripped down.. I would have enjoyed that also.
Weetabix: I wish Ju'not had stripped. Period.
Weetabix: he's a fine man.
Pie: I can't co'sign that, I'm sorry.
Weetabix: As you should be.
Weetabix: HandCUFFS
Weetabix: did you see them?
Pie: he also has a cross
Weetabix: Wait, don't call the Plain White T's "artists"
Pie: he's no Daughtry
Weetabix: No, certainly not. I have seen Daughtry and no, he is no Daughtry.
Weetabix: Handcuffs or Hand'cuffs
Pie: please, you like Death Cab, and suddenly you are on your high horse about the Plain White T's
Weetabix: Touche.
Pie: you love emo white bands
Weetabix: I perhaps might have liked Plain White T's until they went Top 40, and then it killed it for me.
Weetabix: I only like emo white boys who are not tainted by the Ryan Seacrest Sunday Countdown.

KRISTEN
Pie: so only two of these people are even going to be in the top 12?
Weetabix: three?
Pie: I feel like such a sucker,.
Weetabix: look! Simon Le Bon! Nathaniel!
Pie: ha!
Weetabix: Kristen is weird
Pie: KRISTEN McSOMETHING
Weetabix: Kristen looks like a Playboy girl
Pie: she looks like.. wh is it? Kelly Ripa? Elizabeth Hasselback? Joy from My Name Is Earl?
Weetabix: oh, yes, that's it, Jaime Pressley
Weetabix: and in the opposite of Ju'Not, she's the whitest girl ever, singing Tracy Chapman
Pie: and also in the opposite of Ju'Not, she sucks.
Weetabix: it's bad karaoke
Weetabix: and her dress is not cute, although normally I like those colors together
Weetabix: you're enjoying Jaime way too much
Pie: I am dancing for you
Pie: I am drunk
Pie: and also
Pie: in addition
Pie: she sucks
Weetabix: it's more entertaining than Joy from My Name is Earl
Weetabix: she really does suck
Weetabix: and those bangs are so 8 years ago
Weetabix: I enjoyed watching you just fall out of frame a minute ago
Weetabix: did you knock over your wine?
Pie: I just broke my TV
Weetabix: oh noooo!
Pie: now the man is singing
Weetabix: you're only missing the worst glory note ever. Maybe it was that note that broke the tv, not your drunken dancing
Pie: I am rewinding
Weetabix: you're way too far!
Pie: tell me when Jamie Pressley is done
Weetabix: Ione Skye is claiming that Kristen is a great singer. Ione Skye is wrong.
Weetabix: Kristen has some very strong calf muscles, by the way
Pie: okay I am there! she is saying good things about Jamie Pressley... inexplicable
Weetabix: I'll bet its from all the deep knee bends that she does
Weetabix: I'm guessing that she's a runner, actually
Weetabix: or does a lot of stairmaster
Weetabix: one does not get those calves from shopping.
Weetabix: Mopie, you are listing to the left
Weetabix: She's got shoulder roses. I don't appreciate that look.
Pie: I think they want to go shopping with Jamie

NATHANIEL
Weetabix: Nathaniel is... a lot of look.
Pie: I am not there yet! should I fast forward?
Weetabix: I kind of love him already
Weetabix: yes
Weetabix: yes
Weetabix: yes
Weetabix: yes
Weetabix: yes
Weetabix: you need to see this
Pie: I am on his video
Weetabix: I'm just in the video
Pie: he is smiling and signing thngs
Weetabix: OH MY GOD, he's singing Meatloaf
Weetabix: sadly, not good Meatloaf… but still, Meatloaf
Pie: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Weetabix: it's like my dream artist night!
Pie: FAIL.
Pie: FAIL WHALE.
Pie: he doesn't have to sing a fucking note. he is out.
Weetabix: he's got a neck tattoo
Pie: Meat
Pie: fucking
Pie: Loaf
Weetabix: it's like Meatloaf as sung on a Disney cruise ship
Weetabix: I don't know what to make of Simon Le Bon singing this song
Pie: kill me.
Pie: someone literally please come here and put me to death.
Weetabix: why sing Meatloaf if you're going to sing it like this? Why?
Pie: why sing Meatloaf AT ALL EVER?!?!?!
Weetabix: The point of Meatloaf is emotion, pure and raw and visceral.
Weetabix: He's missing the point of the 'Loaf!
Pie: The point of Meatloaf?? THERE IS NO POINT.
Weetabix: Oh, it's POINTY!
Weetabix: [MOPIE PRETENDS TO COMMIT SUICIDE WITH A REVOLVER FINGER IN THE MOUTH]
Pie: I could not express my feelings n any other way.
Weetabix: He's got Butch Patrick fangs
Weetabix: I need to take off my shirt
Pie: YES!
Pie: [WEETABIX STRIPS]
Weetabix: Simon, no one will like that.
Weetabix: I enjoy Meatloaf, but I did not enjoy that song.
Pie: I am questioning our entire friendship based on that, AND ALSO did not enjoy the song.
Weetabix: Why the ear stretching, by the way?
Weetabix: Oh, whatever, Clay Aiken!
Pie: okay Clay Aiken has taken an unfortunate turn
Pie: but at least he can sing
Pie: oh god, his mom has no teeth. I feel kind of bad now.
Weetabix: As well you should! He's from the trailer court!
Weetabix: Meatloaf is amazing. And also, I have nostalgia from getting drunk with my much-too-old boyfriend when I was in high school.
Pie: no. MEATLOAF IS NOT AMAZING.
Weetabix: He doesn't know from fashion!
Pie: if anyone is reading this, please back me up here. MEATLOAF = SUCKS.
Pie: Ione Skye..... just... .stop.
Weetabix: You clearly have not gotten high while listening to Bat out of Hell when you were 17
Weetabix: Yeah, I'm so over Ione Skye
Weetabix: Aw, look at his little in-bred family
Pie: I made out to Meatloaf a lot... WITH A GAY MAN.
Weetabix: Well, that's the problem, right there. You had negative reinforcement.
Weetabix: Actually, my much-too-old boyfriend also turned out to be gay, so there it is.
Weetabix: and yet, different reactions. Huh. Weird.
Weetabix: Maybe it was the pot?
Pie: he sang "Disturbia"?
Pie: that is on my workout playlist and is awesome.
Weetabix: The Rhianna version? That might have been worth it.
Pie: yes
Weetabix: Paula likes Meatloaf! She's diluting the Meatloaf brand! Much more than the gay ex-boyfriend connotation
Pie: I need to look that shit up on YouTube.
Weetabix: Ryan's also got a huge watch.
Pie: I have also finished an entire bottle of wine
Weetabix: Simon Le Bon has a LOT of body art for such a young boy.
Weetabix I have almost finished a bottle of wine
Pie: DEVIL HORNS

FELICIA BARTON
Weetabix: Felicia Barton! stay at home mom?
Pie: she is pretty
Weetabix: very pretty
Pie: why are they doing final judging in weird giant Alice in Wonderland red chairs?
Weetabix: wait, they called her back? why did they call her back? What's the story on that?
Weetabix: Oh not Alicia Keys
Weetabix: I'm so sick of No One… I hope she sings it better than Alicia Keys
Weetabix: that's a big act to follow
Pie: she does not sing it better
Weetabix: She's got like, too big of a voice or something
Weetabix: Like, she's belting it too much
Pie: that is a good way to put it
Pie: and yet she is so pretty
Weetabix: That's the problem if you haven't been professionally trained
Pie: I am blinded by wanting to kind of have sex with her....
Weetabix: if you belt it all the time, then you have nowhere to go when you really need to belt it, and that's when you get squeaky
Pie: oh! she looks like Rashida Jones
Weetabix: oh, that's a good comparison
Weetabix: I think the performance wasn't bad, but I don't like the song in general
Pie: no, it was not bad
Weetabix: I think she picked a bad song, quite honestly
Pie: she is gorgeous, it is true. VOTE FOR RASHIDA!
Weetabix: her hair reminds me of your sister
Pie: Paula is hot for her and agrees with me.
Weetabix: CAROLINE! WHOM I WAS SO EXCITED TO SEE LAST WEEK!
Pie: okay I am all "woo! hot! woo!" and you are like "YOUR SISTER"
Weetabix: ha! whoops
Weetabix: she is hot
Weetabix: as is your sister
Pie: talk about a boner killer.
Pie: I DO NOT FIND MY SISTER HOT EXCEPT EMPIRICALLY I CAN SEE YOUR POINT BUT EW.
Weetabix: I am sorry. I will endeavor to be a boner cultivator.
Pie: excellent. go Rashida! Felicia, Rashida, same thing.
Weetabix: Ryan had some personal touching for a very prolonged amount of time.
Weetabix: it might be Ryan Chubby time.
Weetabix: Or maybe I just need $500.

SCOTT McIntyre
Weetabix: Scott! With crazy crazy hair
Pie: Scott McIntyre! I think he's one of the New Kids on the Block
Weetabix: really?
Pie: no.
Weetabix: Oh, he's BLIND
Weetabix: oh my god
Pie: he sang Home!
Pie: by DOG TREE!
Pie: thats what we call him in my house. DOG TREE.
Weetabix: and he's BLIND! Now I want to do him
Pie: you have a blind guy fetish?
Weetabix: Apparently. Who knew?
Weetabix: Blind guy in argyle with a wallet chain? I might just implode.
Weetabix: I am not a big Bruce Hornsby fan.
Weetabix: The Captain is, and perhaps that is why I am not.
Weetabix: You know, because he cannot see, his voice is enhanced.
Weetabix: it's a proven fact.
Weetabix: [MOPIE HAS NOW LISTED ENTIRELY TO THE RIGHT]
Pie: this dude is good. he is GOOD.
Weetabix: In my pants. He's in.
Weetabix: America will be voting for blind guy.
Weetabix: Blind Guy is in the Top 10. Mark my words.
Pie: yes.
Weetabix: His entire family has very large teeth. I'm getting an Osmond vibe.
Weetabix: When Ione Skye agrees, she does this weird teeth sucking thing with her mouth.
Pie: oh dear. is that code for incest?
Weetabix: Or maybe Hot Mormon Underpants.
Pie: Osmond = Dollanganger
Weetabix: Are they really?
Weetabix: I had no idea. I have not read the difinitive Osmond expose
Pie: I don't know, it's just a vibe
Weetabix: Maybe that's why he's blind? Because his mother trapped him in an attic.
and fed him arsenic doughnuts.
Pie: I though his voice was good. and yes. he ate…
Pie: yes! arsenic donuts. exactly where I was going with that.
Pie: go Scott!
Weetabix: How many of our generation kind of got off on the weird incest sex between Chris and Cathy Dollanganger in the attic? If we were really truthful about it?
Pie: everyone… 98%
Weetabix: And the other two percent is lying.
Pie: thank god I didn't have a brother, or else I would be uber-confused.
Weetabix: Sorry, he's hot. I think I have my crush.
Pie: GO SCOTT!
Weetabix: Yeah, I'm glad that my brother wasn't born until I was 18. Because seriously, I'd have been distracted.


MRS. RYAN SEACREST
Pie: Randy is pretending to be Ryan.. this is how they fill two hours
Weetabix: "I'll go to Puerto Rico where I'll only have to compete against brown people"
Weetabix: "I feel like this is a song that every girl can relate to"... not girls who spontaneously hurl when they hear country music
Pie: she looks like she has fake hair
Weetabix: MOPIE IS GROOVING
Weetabix: She's got fake everything
Weetabix: fake tan, wig, etc… sadly, not a fake voice
Weetabix: I'm not impressed, especially not after blind guy
Pie: no, no kidding. you're no blind guy, blondie.
Weetabix: I'm not sure how I feel about her belt situation
Pie: is it a situation?
Weetabix: there's a lot of Michael's Craft Store hot glued to that belt
Weetabix: I don't know, she's very cute, but I actually liked Rashida Jones better
Pie: yeah, GO RASHIDA!
Weetabix: Talk about the belt, Ione Skye!
Weetabix: Best outfit, Paula? Really? REALLY!?
Pie: it's PAULA. how are you surprised?
Weetabix: Actually, I think if I went on AI, I would be very sad if Paula liked my outfit.
Weetabix: also, Paula is basically wearing the same thing, only in teal.
Weetabix: Do you think Simon has pec implants?
Weetabix: His nipples are always erect, and I believe that's a side effect
Pie: you are kidding
Pie: SRSLY?
Pie: that would be awesome. that would make me happy.
Weetabix: they have to cut the nerve that controls the nipple erection thing
Weetabix: that's why some people with implants end up with cross-eyed nipples
Pie: this girl is like a little bridesmaid.
Weetabix: she really is

JORJE NUNEZ
Pie: so they found someone in Puerto Rico!
Weetabix: Jorge has a very cute lover
Weetabix: lots of Elton John tonight
Pie: he has Expressive Eyebrows.
Weetabix: I suspect America will not be beguiled by them
Pie: god this wine is fucking good
Pie: Alpha Omega winery in the Napa Valley
Pie: [ENDORSEMENT]
Weetabix: I do enjoy them!
Weetabix: they have a new dessert one that I really like
Weetabix: but it's like, a million dollars for a very small bottle
Pie: he is slightly unfortunate looking.. he scares me with his saying things into the microphone earnestly
Weetabix: (no, it's $45 but still, when you drink as much wine as we do, you need to think in bulk)
Weetabix: he is somewhat intense
Weetabix: and also, BABALOO!
Weetabix: I'm not so much with Jorge, but yes, the eyebrows are impressive
Pie: yes, not so much. are we done yet? I have PAPERS TO GRADE.
Weetabix: God, I hope so
Pie: perhaps I should not grade papers drunk.
Weetabix: This has gone on so long! This is why we don't Weetapidol until the Top 12
COMMERCIALS
Weetabix: You missed Paula saying that she wanted to squeeze him
Pie: commercials… I caught up and there are commericals
Weetabix: and you missed Ione Sky saying "bloob"
Pie: blooooooooooooooooooob
Weetabix: are you so drunk you can no longer feel your face?
Pie: YES
Pie: WOO!
Pie: oh god I do not give a shit
Pie: who is next?
Weetabix: Latoya London Part Two
Pie: this wine is so good
Weetabix: which AO is it?
Pie: I'm sorry even hammered I can appreciate this wine
Pie: it is a merlot, and it is fabulous


LIL' ROUNDS
Pie: wow, how is that a name?
Weetabix: It sounds like a Rapper name
Pie: I have heard of Lil' Rounds
Pie: I have heard she is good.
Weetabix: is this the Twitter?
oh her kids are ADORABLE
Pie: no, I have just heard the Word on the Street
Weetabix: that's a fabulous dress
Weetabix: I enjoy Lil Rounds
Pie: she can fucking sing
Weetabix: I would buy this album
Pie: she? can fucking sing.
Pie: she can! fucking sing.
Weetabix: and also, has lovely arms
Pie: I might have to put her way up in my Idol pool.
Pie: oh my god are we finally fucking done?
Weetabix: She is amazing
Pie: srsly.
Weetabix: yes, we must be
Pie: she is good.
Pie: Lil' Rounds is a lil' bit awesome.
Weetabix: Simon likes her
Weetabix: "Brilliant!"
Weetabix: You know, I'm starting to get tired of the "You're one of the best on American Idol ever" comments
Weetabix: it's like the kiss of death
Pie: my browser crashed
Pie: I was going to say something
Pie: I forget what
Weetabix: something like "I'm drunk" or "I love Lil Rounds"
Pie: yes!

Weetabix: predictions?
Pie: either one of those or both. I vote for Lil' Rounds and Joey McIntyre
Weetabix: There's three, I believe… I hope
Pie: and the Plain Black T's guy
Weetabix: I think it's going to be Blind Guy, Lil' Rounds and Rashida
Weetabix: sadly, not my niece Abby's doppelganger
Pie: that would work too. okay! I need to go grade more papers.
Pie: HAHAHAHA!

WEETAPIDOL OUT