Thursday, March 06, 2008

Top 8 Guys: "You're Drunk, and a Grateful Nation Thanks You"

Weetabix: I'm paused right after Ryan says "Amerrrrrrrican Idol!"
Pie: roooo roooooo
Weetabix: glass ramp! cartoon Simon!
Pie: and I am drinking champers... clink!
Weetabix: I'm drinking Moscato! clink!
Pie: there is Ryan touching people
Weetabix: does Ryan look beefier?
Pie: who did he just touch? who does Ryan have a crush on?

LUKE "BERNARD" MENARD
Pie: this guy looks like a Terminator
Weetabix: Wake Me Up Before You Go Gp!
Pie: I love this song
Weetabix: me too! I owned this LP… I might still own it
Pie: he's no George Michael
Weetabix: no one could be George Michael
Pie: or Andrew McCarthey or whoever
Weetabix: Andrew Ridgely. I don't know, I'm getting a vague JT vibe from Andy Menard
Pie: yes, JT! he's bringing Ridgely back. yikes.
Weetabix: that was not pretty
Pie: he failed to hit that hiiiiiiiigh (note)
Weetabix: it was not pretty like Luke Bernard might be if he took off his shirt
Pie: he has very white teeth… it is not enough to salvage that performance, however
Weetabix: who am I going to be all horndog with when you're in Poland? It won't be the same with Jake!
Pie: oh, Jake will be taking over, huh? I'm sure it will be faaahbulous
Weetabix: well, he's no Pie, but I'm sure that he will be up for the requirement
Pie: "did you have a good time?" is code for "you sucked"
Weetabix: ha!
Pie: as is "you look so pretty tonight." wow, Simon is harsh.
Weetabix: yes, maybe he's trying to create voter sympathy?
Pie: maybe. I don't think they care about anyone but David Archuleta

DAVID ARCHULETA
Weetabix: Baby Xander! talking about having to pee! oh my god, he's so adorably dorky
Pie: he's so humble with his full bladder and his little giggle. I am still sticking with him as my pick to win.
Weetabix: seriously, the similarity to Esteban when he was 14? Sort of scary.
Pie: and he's playing the piano!! oh shit.
Weetabix: whoa! it's all about proving musical talent this season
Pie: he wins. and he has a great voice, really.
Weetabix: that he does, whereas Esteban? I love him but not so much. David is making it his own, as they say
Pie: I genuinely really like this---I like the arrangement… I like the little boy… you go, Baby Xander!
Weetabix: even though I loathe solo Phil Collins, it's nice
Pie: I don't even like this song… I am being taken in
Weetabix: exactly. you are falling into the grassy knoll.
Pie: Luke Bernard is toast, man. Baby Xander just obliterated his entire performance
Weetabix: at this moment, yes
Pie: "prowness"? nice, Randy.
Weetabix: I don't want to think about his prown
Pie: I think it might be illegal
Weetabix: does Paula think the contestants are holograms?
Pie: Paula thinks everything is a hologram… that is the secret to Paula
Weetabix: OMG wouldn't it be awesome if Jem and the Holograms were on this show? if it were between Jem and the lead singer of the Misfits?
Pie: again, the show in your head is very entertaining
Weetabix: and also, maybe Jerica could also be competing? and what if the finale were between Jem and Jerica?! oh my god! the possibilities for shenanigans!
Pie: aw, and Baby Xander is all "I feel bad for homeless people"… he's like a fucking puppy
Weetabix: heee! shit, he just did the finger pandering
Pie: Jem is truly outrageous, by the way

DANNY "EMO MUPPET" NORIEGA
Weetabix: "one of my crushes"! notice no gender mentioned!
Pie: well we all know which gender it is. also, great song.
Weetabix: indeed
Pie: bad voice. what the hell is happening here?
Weetabix: I like that he's fabbing it up this week
Pie: he's no Christian Siriano
Weetabix: I'm ok with the femming of the song though!
Pie: I'm glad he's having a good time
Weetabix: come on, every moody fey teenager can't be excrutiatingly talented like Christian Siriano!
Pie: well, granted. I just wish he had a better voice and was a little less affected about everything
Weetabix: agreed… and I still don't like his hair.
Pie: I like the purple streaks in his hair
Weetabix: oh, I didn't notice! I'm not sure about Randy's t-shirt tonight… it's strange.
Pie: I'm very sure about Randy's shirt. I'm sure it's hideous.
Weetabix: do you think the judges color coordinate? because they all seem to have a theme going… I mean, Simon always matches.
Pie: I'm sure they have a wardrobe department
Weetabix: Paula and Randy complement each other, and Randy's grey matches Simon's grey.
Pie: I love Paula's insane babble
Weetabix: she doesn't like the purple!
Pie: wow, Simon is cranky tonight
Weetabix: no Dumbo hand yet!
Pie: and Emo Muppet is once again being snotty--BAD IDEA
Weetabix: I don't understand kids these days. wow, Paula and Randy just did Dumbo hand.
Pie: I would like to know the secret meaning of the Dumbo hand
Weetabix: HA! I think the Mmmhmm from Danny just means that Ryan is gay

DAVID HERNANDEZ
Pie: I bet I know what his most embarrassing moment is going to be… "it was when I was in all that porn! woah, that was embarrassing!"
Weetabix: David Hernandez's most embarrassing moment is when he got stiffed on that lap dance
Pie: hee. "stiffed."
Weetabix: Celine Dion!!!!
Pie: oh god, he's making lap dance faces into the camera
Weetabix: she was amazing in concert, singing this song… she did not, sadly, give us a lap dance though
Pie: I love Celine. DO YOU HEAR ME WORLD?!
Weetabix: I didn't until I saw her in concert, now I'm all in with the Celine thing
Pie: I'm hope this version of this song is edited, because in actuality, this song lasts three days, and it's all the same lyric
Weetabix: his arrangement though is awful.
Pie: he's doing pretty well with it… I love that a guy is singing Celine
Weetabix: I do too
Pie: either the champagne is kicking in, or he's doing a pretty good job… or both. could always be both.
Weetabix: it's probably what he danced to at the club. I liked it, but not the arrangement. and Randy's sleeve is bedazzled
Pie: Randy loves his bedazzler.
Weetabix: David Hernandez really is adorable. I can see why the gay bois love him. I imagine Randall sitting home on weekends, bitching at his help for not bedazzling straight

MICHAEL "AUSSIE IN MY PANTS" JOHNS
Weetabix: Ryan's body language shows that he's into Aussie, because he's crossing his leg toward him
Pie: hey hey hey HEY!
Weetabix: ooooh! Simple Minds!
Breakfast Club!
Pie: this is a guaranteed orgasm song to anyone who grew up with John Hughes movies
Weetabix: exactly!
Pie: this is cheating
Weetabix: Until my sister started dating Eric, we used to do the earring swap from the end of that movie when we were out drinking
Pie: aw, that's romantic!
Weetabix: well, it wasn't supposed to be romantic, we were just dorks
Pie: Aussie's voice is off, though.
Weetabix: yeah, it's not so good
Pie: I'd still fuck him though. he picked up the microphone.
Weetabix: he has nice hands
Pie: classic Chris Daughtry move, only... I'm sorry... AIMP is no Daughtry.
Weetabix: and he looks like he's sort of fucking when he's singing… I get such a Jim Morrisson vibe from him. wait... Aussie Boy Goes Home? that's not a Micahel Hutchence song, Hutchence was INXS
Pie: Ian just said the same thing
Weetabix: Paula picked up on the microphone thing--she would totally fuck him. Simon's chest hair is peeking out. I enjoy that.
Pie: I enjoy averting my eyes from that

DAVID "DANE" COOK
Weetabix: Dane is holding his guitar, and just strummed it
Pie he is wearing a douchey hat
Weetabix:he looks like KFed… gross
Pie: speaking of douchey, I caught a few minutes of Blake Lewis beatboxing on the results show
Weetabix: eeek!
Pie: good call on the K-Fed
Weetabix: Lionel Richie! aka Nicole's Dad
Pie: I love 80s week… this is one of my favorite songs ever, even though it's probably not "good" in the traditional sense. but then, neither is American Idol, and here we are.
Weetabix: I would enjoy making a sculpture of Aussie In My Pants' cock, and then showing it to him and being like "how did I do?"
Pie: hahahahaha
Weetabix: wow, I'm drunk.
Pie: you're drunk, and a grateful nation thanks you
Weetabix: that gets deleted
Pie: OH NO IT DOES NOT!
Weetabix: ok, this? FUCKING ROCKS. Sorry, I love this!
Pie: yes, it rocks!
Weetabix: I LOVE YOOOOOOOU! that was awesome!
Pie: I am so all about this MP3
Weetabix: Oh my god, that was amazing! I am so in the Dane Cook camp!
Pie: that was fantastic
Weetabix: I might have ovulated. "David I totally love it when you come... on that stage." HEE!
Pie: hahahaha, I caught that too… oh, Paula. so Freudian.
Weetabix: Yay Simon loved it! Go Dane Cook! When Paula repeats "We Are!" she sounds like a donkey
Pie: l am literally downloading the MP3 right now
Weetabix: it is worthy of a download! that was totally worth waiting for!


JASON CASTRO
Weetabix: eyebrow boy!
Pie: he irritates me… he is harshing my mellow. my "Hello" mellow. hahahahaha!
that rhymes!
Weetabix: oh you are drunk.
Pie: okay, I am drunk.
Weetabix: Oh Jeff Buckley's Hallelujah… this is one of my favorite songs that he's about to ruin
Pie: nice spotlight, dude
Weetabix: he kind of looks like Alanis Morissette on certain angles
Pie: I want him to sing "You Oughtta Know" next week on 90s night. I can't wait for three weeks from now when they're singing songs from the future.
Weetabix: that will be the best! maybe they will have to write the songs that they're GOING to make famous
Weetabix: and Emo Muppet will come out and sing a ditty about accounting because that's what he'll be doing in ten years
Pie: hee
Weetabix: oh the ending was awful
Pie: yes, that was an atrocity…. how could he totally eff up that final note and then they're praising him?
Weetabix: WHAT THE FUCK?!?!
Paula looks stoned. her eyes are all heavy.
Weetabix: Simon liked it? Seriously, it wasn't good
Pie: they are just biased because the SONG is so great
Weetabix: Am I on Paula's drugs?
Pie: maybe those final notes were on purpose
Weetabix: well, the song is undeniably great, but he didn't do a good job with it
Pie: I thought he did fine until the end
Weetabix: maybe?
Pie: "and then at the end, I'll just make random frog noises!"
Weetabix: Sinead O'Conner does that in Nothing Compares 2U, but it's good, in that case

CHICKEZE
Pie: we need a Weetapidol glossary
Weetabix: what would go in the glossary?
Pie: "Jordin's earrings"… "Chris lights"… "up for the requirement"…"Dunkelman"…
Weetabix: isn't this a girl song?
Pie: this is not the right song for him. that is my first impression right here.
Weetabix: I don't remember who does this
Pie: I don't like this song, I don't like the background singers, blah
Weetabix: More Love" I believe is the title. also, I don't know what the fuck is happening with that jacket but I don't care for it one bit. it makes me unreasonably angry.
Pie: it is matching the shoes
Weetabix: Whitney, that's what I was thinking
Pie: I am not sure what Simon means by "cabaret," although he likes to say it
Weetabix: "pandering for our applause"? although it could be argued that the entire show is "cabaret"

RECAP
Pie: who's gone?
Weetabix: damn, it's hard now. (that's what she said)
Pie: hee!
Weetabix: I hope it's Danny Noriega and maybe....
Pie: I am saying Luke and someone else
Weetabix: Hernandez wouldn't make me upset
Pie: he's not going; he was one of the best tonight
Weetabix: you're probably right. AIMP isn't going this week, even though his performance wasn't that great
Pie: I hope not
Weetabix: Dane Cook was my favorite of the night
Pie: mine too, although I loved Baby Xander too. maybe Jacuzzi will go?
Weetabix: god, I hope it's Jason Castro. If I had to pick between the two, I think Dane Cook's performance was another Walk The Line moment
Pie: we'll see--I have to revisit it on MP3
Weetabix: oh my god, Paula is fucking stoned!

4 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

DAVID COOK!!! That's all that needs to be said. :)

~Shari

6:55 PM  
Blogger Eden said...

Ditto. Now if we can just get rid of that unfortunate hair...

I hope Lionel Ritchie was serious about getting that recorded (by David) and out right away.

10:00 PM  
Blogger Kim said...

DAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNYYYYYYYYYY!!!

He was like my personal "KHHHAAAAAAANNNH!!" Like my private nightmare thrust live into reality in garish technicolor.

I warned him about Soft Cell, he ignored me and now he's gone. Now, who will tortue me?

Perhaps the Aussie. He did some dance move earlly in his performance and I immediately flashed to Buffalo Bill from "Silence of the Lambs" dancing in the skin suit to "Goodbye Horses".

His performances will never be the same.

9:27 AM  
Blogger mo pie said...

Thanks for that mental image, KIM.

Heh.

9:58 AM  

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