Thursday, March 06, 2008

Top 8 Girls: "Most Vaginal Exams Are Not Conducted While Standing"

ASIA'H EPPERSON
Pie: Whitney! I love love LOVED THIS ALBUM
Weetabix: I'm not loving the pa'nts on Asai'h, but I enjoy the fact that she's giving a Whitney homage with her hair
Pie: she should not sing Whitney. she sounds.... not.... good....
Weetabix: yes, it's not good. she should get laryngytis again.
Pie: I love this song … it's not enoug'h. no. sorry, Asia'h. what do the judges say?
Weetabix: Randy recorded this for Whitney, and says "It's hot! It's hot!"
Pie: he's crazy! he's crazy!
Weetabix: Paula says that despite the fact that she's picking big songs, she nailed it. Simon is not so enthusiastic.
Pie: at least somebody isn't delusional; that was adequate at best.
Weetabix: He called her second-rate Whitney and said she couldn't hit the big notes at the end, but said it's good enough to hit the top 12
Pie: maybe… he tends to be correct about these things

KADY MALLOY
Pie: it is Ryan Raps… Ryan is enunciating weirdly, and Kady is being vapid. she is taking about ear holding.
Weetabix: I'm paused where she is standing on the stage with herself on the big screen behind her
Weetabix: oh, I hate this song
Pie: when I played Lucy in "You're a Good Man Charlie Brown" I was singing my big solo number, and some kids in the front plugged their ears, and I took it as a compliment.
Weetabix: how did you take that as a compliment exactly? please explain the rationalization?
Pie: I thought "wow! I have such a fantastic and powerful voice that it's too overwhelming for them!"
Weetabix: that is awesome! that is why I love you! You can turn anything into a positive!
Pie: I seriously thought of that very fondly for several years, until I realized that maybe it was not exactly a compliment
Weetabix: no, I think you're right. It was too much for them.
Pie: I remember the exact note, too. it was on the "yes" in "YEEEEEES IT'S AMAZINGLY TRUE"
Weetabix: I used to do that with marching bands. I was afraid the drums would stop my heart somehow
Pie: I tell you this story because Kady bores me, and this song bores me
Weetabix: exactly. it's too bad, because a Queen song should never be boring.
Pie: Randy is also bored
Weetabix: Randall is contemplating matters of philosophy
Pie: ah, Randall
Weetabix: gosh, Paula saying that's your best performance? Isn't a great compliment when you sort of suck all the time. but at least Kady thanks the judges, unlike Emo muppet.
Pie: Simon calls her on a lack of personality, which is true, but hello, Carrie Underwood?
Weetabix: thank GOD someone has called her on it
Pie: but Carrie was a personality vortex
Weetabix: wasn't she riding the fact that she liked country? there's a huge country undercurrent in this nation, which is what Pickler was trying to ride home
Pie: oh yes… Carrie was personality-free but country. maybe "country" substitutes for "personality" on this show

AMANDA "NURSE RATCHED" OVERMEYR
Weetabix: she burned down her house!
Pie: there is a red gee-tar… I continue to not like her voice.
Weetabix: do you think she knows that she sucks? that she's way outclassed and she has no chance? she's kind of the Kimmy Gibler, or whatever her name was from the first season of idol
Pie: she... like, she's interesting, but I don't see why her voice is worth putting on this show, and I had the same reaction in the auditions.
Weetabix: she makes a "vaginal exam" position all the time. I do not enjoy that
Pie: for some reason, the quotation marks in "vaginal exam" position are cracking me up
Weetabix: heee! well, most vaginal exams are not conducted while standing
Pie: I never saw the first season of Idol, but if Kimmy Gibbler was on it, I will Netflix it!
Weetabix: I can't remember her name. the kool-aid hasn't kicked in yet, to offset the Moscato. I am so klassy with a k that I follow up imported Italian wine with sugar free kool-aid. that I spilled on my shirt. It's going to stain.
Pie: "your face is beautiful and I love your hair"… okay, Paula
Weetabix: WHAT THE FUCK?! Simon thought it was fantastic?
Pie: I definitely thought that it was pretty good, I just find her voice not very interesting
Weetabix: I do not understand the world.
Pie: it's just not my thing, dawg. Amanda is kind of sour with the judges' comments.
Weetabix: wow, Ryan hates her
Pie: that will not serve her well

CARLY SMITHSON
Pie: I love Carly! I am going to be so sad when she loses to David.
Weetabix: which David?
Pie: Archuleta.
Weetabix: OH MY GOD! I love this song! I Drove All Night! this is one of my absolute favorite songs ever.
Pie: I just realized I have to make my picks early... I am at a disadvantage in the pool this year!
Weetabix: great song choice for her
Pie: I don't know this song, but I love her
Weetabix: how can you not know this song? it was covered by both Cyndi Lauper AND Celine Dion. I honestly don't know which version I love more, actually.
Pie: maybe I should pick her to win. just to change it up a little bit. I love her eyebrows.
Weetabix: have you ever picked a winner yet?
Pie: I don't think I have. but to be fair, nobody picked Taylor, and I think only one person picked Jordin
Weetabix: well then, go against your instinct
Pie: my instinct is David, my heart says Carly… does this mean they're both wrong?
Weetabix: I have no idea. I think my instinct said Jordin but my heart said Lakisha last time.
Pie: wow, she is fantastic… FANTASTIC
Weetabix: yes she fucking is!
Pie: did Paula just call her a "dependable dog"?
Weetabix: yes, amazingly. Simon is so off tonight. She had a great song. of course, I may be biased.
Pie: I can't find the MP3… SOMEONE EMAIL ME THE MP3!
Weetabix: to be constructive, I do not enjoy her sailor pants

KRISTY LEE COOK
Weetabix: FAITHFULLLLLLLLY! OMGF BBQ!!1!!! I've been waiting for the Journey and am very excited
Pie: I hate to say it, it's not that good
Weetabix: no, it's not, but I'm still excited for the Journey. do you remember me singing this at karaoke?
Pie: I don't; was I very drunky?
Weetabix: we all were… I only sang it because I can sing it while drunk without going off key
Pie: what city were we in?
Weetabix: San Francisco… it was the night of the Heart costumes
Pie: I love that the answer could be like 10 different cities
Weetabix: it's true… we are bicoastal
Pie: oh yes, we were drunk
Weetabix: oh YES WE WERE
Pie: no comment.
Weetabix: I did not enjoy that performance.
Pie: her performance was bland and I was bored
Weetabix: her "fall in love" was awful
Pie: I liked yours better, and I don't even remember it.
Weetabix: it was more fun thinking about the Mint. that was the night of the Furry and the Pirate… it was a good night
Pie: it was a damn fine night. I have no judge comments either so you will have to report.
Weetabix: Randy liked it? Paula is falling down?
Pie: wasn't Randall in Journey or something?
Weetabix: he might have been. He doesn't like to talk about it.


RAMIELE "FEROCIA" MALUBAY
Pie: will it be fierce? who knows!
Weetabix: she has highlights!
Pie: she is so fierce! well not really; I was just having a Christian moment.
Weetabix: I'm having to say, I'm not loving this performance
Pie: no, it's not her best
Weetabix: I love her, but so far, meh
Pie: I am so underwhelmed by these people
Weetabix: her lip gloss though? Awesome.
Pie: I like Carly and Baby Xander and Dane Cook. everyone else? yawn.
Weetabix: Remember Aussie? Who Is In My Pants?
Pie: you're the one who wants to sculpt his cock. he's in YOUR pants.
Weetabix: well, I'm just saying that it might be an enjoyable craft project
Pie: okay my clip is over, you have to report on the judges… and tell me if they're color coordinated!
Weetabix: Randall did not so much enjoy it, and he is wearing a brown/orangey red sweater
Pie: why don't you just keep listing colors there… is it also green yellowy purple?
Weetabix: Paula looks like Debbie Allen in Fame, only spangled, and is talking about the texture of Ferocia's voice
Pie: I wanna make it to heaven! I need to download THAT MP3. SOMEONE SEND ME THAT ONE ALSO.
Weetabix: Paula just said "mutton." Simon said Ferocia's little and cute… he's being sizist. and then called her old fashioned and said that she didn't have a money shot. she's not bank, in other words. but still, GO FEROCIA!

BROOKE WHITE IS NEXT
Pie: and she is singing Pat Benatar, which, awesome.
Weetabix: Brooke The Girl!
Pie: awesome
Weetabix: it's like the lillith faire version of this song
Pie: a good arrangement on a song I love and I'm sold
Weetabix: it's weird
Pie: especially if it's jangly chick rock
Weetabix: I enjoy this Pat Benetar video the most of all 80's videos, because there are hookers and at one point, instead of fighting? They shimmy.
I did enjoy this jangly thing, by the way
Pie: she is definitely not a generic blonde
Weetabix: no, she's setting herself apart from the Felicity and the other one
Pie: I am pro Brooke
Weetabix what would your 80's song be during 80's week on American Idol?
Pie: my song? no idea. I do not invest any time in pondering this. yours?
Weetabix: "love is a battlefield"
Pie: maybe I'll sing "Hell is for Children"
Weetabix: OH MY GOD! Paula choreographed the video!
Pie: which video?
Weetabix: or worked with the guy who did? something! the one with the hookers and the shimmy fighting!
Pie: holy crap
Weetabix: Simon thinks that it only worked because she rearranged the song, but it worked
Pie: well that could be true. I'm a sucker for a cool arrangement of a song I like.
Weetabix: that's true
Pie: I grant that Simon has a point.

SYESHA MERCADO
Weetabix: Whitney again
Pie: another fantastic Whitney song
Weetabix: her outfit is awesome
Pie: I love pre-crack Whitney
Weetabix: it was a simpler time
Pie: what have you done, Whitney? Syesha is doing better than Asia'h on the W'hitney
Weetabix: yes definitely. plus, I love her hair like that. It's like Whitney without being Whitney, and she's awesome.
Pie: Yes.
Weetabix: I don't miss Lushington. I feel the need to say that right now. Nor, um, the other one who was eliminated last week.
Pie: I don't miss Lushington either. I forgot she existed until you said that.
Weetabix: I miss Lushington's name.
Pie: ditto, my friend. ditto.
Weetabix: I enjoyed that performance. It wasn't amazing but I enjoyed it.
Pie: Randy is bored in general ,maybe, if all he can come up with is "good"
Weetabix: clearly they are rushed because the judging was like, 10 seconds long
Pie: all the judges are bored. "fine." "good." "whatever."
Weetabix: I'll bet they were running long
Pie: good call

RECAP, GOSSIP, POOL PICKS
Weetabix: so, who is gone?
Pie: er... I can't see the montage… one of the blondies, the one who went first. boringie blondie.
Weetabix: ok, gut feeling? Asai'h… Kady…
Pie: I'll co-sign that
Weetabix: Nurse Rached
Pie: I think she'll hang on for a few more rounds yet
Weetabix: i think that Kady and other blonde should go
Pie: okay shall we look and find out?
Weetabix: yes!
Pie: Danny, Luke, Asia'h, Kady
Weetabix: who is Danny? Noriega? wow, that's pretty close to what we said. although I didn't want to admit that Luke sucked, because he's pretty.
Pie: oh god, and Jacob from TWoP is so annoying
Weetabix: why?
Pie: here: "There's something tainted about that love. But what's more tainted than homosexuality is the way that we, at this cusp of our national development, at this very specific moment in humanism and our social evolution as a culture, relate to it. We run to him, we run from him, we took all the boy could give, and it turns out that's not nearly all."
Pie: Dear Jacob: Danny was emo, snotty, and not a very good singer.
Weetabix: why are the Weecaps three pages long on TWoP? that's how long a "RECAP" should "be"
Pie: sorry, he is so pretentious
Weetabix: seriously, that's ridiculous
Pie: well the founders are leaving TWoP… it might be dead soon anyway
Weetabix: ah, I didn't know that. interesting.
Pie: I hope Sarah Bunting got a bucket of money, because I like her
Weetabix: I hope so too
Pie: they sold it to Bravo about a year ago exactly, so I think the contract was up
Weetabix: and also, she's been doing this a long time
Pie: no kidding... I miss old-timey TWoP. I miss MBTV.
Weetabix: I do too
Pie: but now we've got Jacob, pontificating on homosexuality or some shit.
Weetabix: I barely ever use my log in… TWoP is partially the reason that I'm Weetabix
Pie: I love how this has turned into gossip! I am totally posting all of this gossip; it's fantastic!
Weetabix: go for it.
Pie: were you Weetabix on TWoP?
Weetabix: I am still Weetabix on TWoP, and I picked Weetabix because I wanted to post on the Buffy forum, and it was the same week that Spike talked about liking Weetabix in his blood for texture
Pie: hee.
Weetabix: all roads lead back to Buffy, is the takeaway there
Pie: I think that's always the takeaway
Weetabix: how.... weetabix... works? it must be Wednesday?

Weetabix: So, next week, Weetapidolers need to think about their Pool picks!
Pie: yes, Weetapidolers have until next... when is the results show next week? Wednesday.
Weetabix: so we're finally back to a normal schedule? meaning you can get kicked off in order of talent and your gender can't save you (cough... fauxBritney... cough) (or Felicity)
Pie: okay, next Wednesday before it airs on the east coast, so 8pm Eastern time next Wednesday to get their picks in
Weetabix: so before 8 pm EST/ 7 Pm CST / 5 PM PST
Pie: our ABSOLUTELY FREE pool with PRIZES
Weetabix: very awesome prizes! CUSTOM PRIZES!
Pie: you will need to maintain the spreadsheet for the first couple of weeks… CAN YOU HANDLE THIS.
Weetabix: I understand that is my duty
Pie: I have FAITH IN YOU.
Weetabix: oh bitch please I make my living on my Excel skilz
Pie: you understand the SCORING SYSTEM.
Weetabix: er, we'll need to talk. Weetapidol out!
Pie: Hee. WEETAPIDOL OUT.

2 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

what was up with all those weird pants the girl were wearing!?

Send Kady and her "massive lack of personality! home!"

Brooke was awesome!


Did you notice all the hot husbands tonight? Wow.

~Shari

7:01 PM  
Blogger Eden said...

The version of that song that Brooke did was on I think it was "Storytellers." I saw Pat Benatar and her husband perform it just like that on some show and I'm pretty sure it was "Storytellers" or something very similar. Only Pat's was exploding with awesome b/c she is Pat Benatar. Anyway, I like Brooke but it peeves me that she seemed to take credit for the arrangement and styling.

BTW: Here's a version (but not the one I saw).

10:06 PM  

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