Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Top 9 Results

Weet's predicting Mandisa's ouster tonight (and so is our previous post). In our Idol pool, we have five Kellies (yeah, good luck with that), two Aces, two Buckys, a residual Lisa and a residual Melissa. We'll see what happens.

W: "Ryan's beard is progressing very nicely."
P: "You mean Ryan's Teri Hatcher?"
W: "Yes, his Teri Hatcher is looking good. And I like Ryan's suit combo tonight. Gray and light blue. I like it."
P: "His tie is too skinny. Oh, by the way, someone on the Idol boards got mad at 'W' for being mean to Kellie."
[Hysterical laughter from Weet.]
P: "I liked Kellie. Idol Forums likes me."
W: "Well it doesn't matter. All the W-hate in the world isn't going to get Kellie off the fuckin' stage."
P: "I miss Dunkleman's ghost in Ryan's pocket."
W: "Paula just called Simon 'booable.' That was so cute. It's like she was talking baby talk."
[Kenny Rogers comes out.]
W: "Ladies and gentleman, it's time to go to the bathroom and get a snack."
P: "Aw, don't be mean to Kenny! He's gonna tell us when to hold 'em and when to fold 'em!"
W: "Mandisa has an awesome shirt. It's a V for Vagaqua."
P: "I can't blog that, nobody will understand it."
W: "Okay, V for Vanquished."
P: "Wait, Kenny's not singing the Gambler?"
W: "No, I told you. He's going to sing a song nobody's ever heard of. And that sucks."
P: "Sigh."
W: "Tuck in your shirt, Kenny Rogers. It looks silly."
P: "Kenny Rogers looks confused."
W: "Is that Pick Pickler next to Chris? I don't recognize her because I'm not seething with hatred. It's her hair. I'm confused by her pretty hair."
P: "Yeah, that's Kellie."
W: "Travis Tritt looks like the undead."
P: "They love Kenny more than they love Barry Manilow."
W: "That's because Kenny Rogers is approachable, whereas Barry is just perfection."


[Commercials.]
W: "This ancient vine Zinfandel is very good. Oh, it's the Ford commercial! Is this a chop shop? Yeah, I always chop my cars wearing fishnets. And I don't like what they're saying. That the rest of them work for Kellie."
P: "Ryan just called Kellie dumb."
W: "I think America just called Kellie dumb."
P: "Queen!"
W: "Mandisa HAS to be around for 'Fat Bottomed Girls'! Okay, the music of Queen, I'm so excited for that. Because you know Taylor is going to do 'Bohemian Rhapsody,' and that's going to be gold."
[Three groups.]
P: "Taylor is in one group, and that group's not going anywhere."
W: "I think the middle group is the bottom three right there."
P: "Ace needs to cut his hair. But he has nice shoulders."
W: "I like his outfit, although he has shit in his pocket yet again. Does he not read the blog?
P: "It's really obvious which group is which, if you read spoilers, anyway."
W: "Dear Kellie Pickler. Your black roots are really bothering me. Sincerely, Weetabix."
Ryan: What have you done?
W: "I love when Ryan's all, AMERICA, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!?"
P: "Okay, duh, the Taylor, Kellie, Chris group is safe."
W: "Paula's got this rictus grimace going on. Uh oh! And Paris's outfit? She looks like Punky Brewster."

[Commercials]
P: "Katharine's tits look great again."
W: "They do. I think they've got their own lighting."
[Bottom three revealed.]
P: "Paris! Punky!"
W: "Poor Mandisa. Don't hate the gays. Wait, a break? We just came back from a break! That was just stupid."

[Commercials. AGAIN.]
P: "Oh, Paris is safe."
W: "I told you! I nailed that bottom two. Elliot or Mandisa. And Dial Idol was correct."
P: "I wouldn't be surprised with either of them going hoe."
W: "I think Simon might be right, and Elliot is going home."
[Mandisa is laminated.]
W: "OOH. You dreamed correctly. And there is a stunned silence across the audience."
P: "I did! I am psychic. National Enquirer here I come."
W: "God is bigger than this, Mandisa."
P: "She seems so sweet."
W: "I'm so sorry. I refuse to believe she is anti-gay."
P: "This is pretty sad, actually."
W: "It is. She's fantastic. Oh, Ryan, whose feet are you going to touch now?"
P: "I'm going to miss having a hot fat chick on this show."
W: "But you'll have a hot fat chick right in this room."
P: "This is a very weird elimination."
W: "Paris isn't crying. I think she's just happy it wasn't her."

Pool results:
A lot of people got screwed this week. The top scorers were Pie and Merr with 9 points each. Then came Martha with 8 and Trance with 7; everyone else got 6 points. Current standings:

42 points: Martha
40 points: Ana, Pie, Bailey
39 points: Trance, Celine
36 points: Shmuel
35 points: Weet
33 points: the parakeets
31 points: Editrix
28 points: Merr

Also if Wade and Guppy were in our pool, they'd be winning: Guppy would have 50 points and Wade would have 45. Okay, we're off to drink One True Wine and watch Amazing Race. Thanks for reading and linking! See you next week!

8 Comments:

Anonymous Martha said...

Mandisa - I will miss you! And thank you for blessing me in Jesus' name. Oy, I hate that. Not only did she offend the gays, but the Jews too!

It is very sad to see a big, beautiful, woman go and to know that Bucky and Pickler are still in the running. Yuck.

6:43 PM  
Anonymous Celine said...

Sigh. When will I be vindicated America? Why do you keep sending talented people home while Bucky and Kellie are still around? WHY?

I can't lie, I wasn't a huge Mandisa fan, but she was way better than most of the contestants that are still there. And she had an awesome personality. Minus the whole Jesus crap because, I'm sorry, the preaching made me dislike her a little.

Can we have a group cheer now? Maybe something along the lines of, "Send Kellie Home"? Thanks.

7:10 PM  
Anonymous Shannon said...

Ace really should have gone home. I don't like how he always pats his abs when he sings. Not that he should have gone home b/c of my hating the way he pats his abs, but still.

7:32 PM  
Blogger Kim said...

I thought the exact same "Fat Bottomed Girls" thing. If Kellie sings "Somebody to Love", I will cry.

That's it. I am switching my allegiance to Bucky. He is obviously in league with Satan and has been granted powers both dark and numerous.

Beware the Buck. And the wrath of the gay mafia.

5:07 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ace carries his "beanie" in his back pocket, he said he is comforted when it is with him..."it is like home.."

5:49 AM  
Anonymous lisa-marie said...

I can't believe it wasn't Bucky. He sucked so bad. He sucks every week. This is so wrong.

7:50 AM  
Anonymous Ana said...

Any predictions on who will sing what next week? I mean, Queen! I think it's going to be really weird....
Kellie - Airheads
Bucky - Chinese Torture
Ace - God Save the Queen
Chris - The Golden Boy
Paris - A Nation of Haircuts
Elliot - The Invisible Man
Katherine - Don't Stop Me Now
Taylor - Soul Brother

8:27 AM  
Blogger SubUrban Housewife said...

I leave the country for a week and everyone lets me down. Thank goodness for world-wide high speed internet access so I could at least *read* what happened.

For what it's worth, I think Mandisa (who I too loved, despite her Jesus preaching gay hating-ness) will be better off, but I will miss her madly.

But to echo what's been said by oh so many, it's a crime that Bucky and Kelly are still there and not my beloved Mandisa.

5:24 PM  

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