Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Top 10 Results

Best thing I read on the internet today: "[Paris] looks like what would happen if Fantastia and Diana DeGarmo produced a child." (tm Mike)

DialIdol's predictions are also hilarious today. They are tagging for possible elimination: Katharine, Ace, Bucky, Mandisa, Lisa, Elliott, and Paris. That's seven out of ten! It's going to be really funny when Chris gets eliminated instead or something.

Our Idol pool has four Buckys, three Elliotts, and a Lisa. And some residual Melissas. So we'll see what happens after tonight! Stay tuned.

P: "Who the hell is performing tonight?"
W: "Shakira. My girlfriend. One of the five girls I would switch teams fo-- is that Enrique Iglesias?"
P: "Oh, Ace looks pretty tonight. It's going to be sad if he's eliminated."
W: "Ace does look pretty. Bucky looks like he had an unfortunate vomiting-while-asleep incident."
[Pie sees Elliott, does indescribable bat impersonation.]

(Target Commercial)
P: "One of the models of this commercial is actually chunky."

(Cellular commercial)
P: "Catherine Zeta Jones has had so much Botox."
W: "Yeah, she's claiming she's my age and there are pictures of her when I was sixteen, and she has, like, a job."

(Ford Commercial)
P: "Ace looks pretty again."
W: "Who the heck is the cop? Chris throwing down the urban flava."
P: "Hee!"
W: "Is that Bucky with the guitar?"
P: "What is wrong with Taylor? Yes, that's Bucky. That commercial was weird."
W: "That's what we say every week."
P: "It's weird. Every week."

(And we're back)
W: "ShaKEEERAH!!!"
P: "Shakira is a man. All right, I can see where you're getting this team switching."
W: "Yeah."
P: "Yeah, she's a little too Mariah Carey meets Aladdin's Jasmine at the moment."
W: "But she's incredibly hot. Look at her pelvis! Look!"
P: "I'm just not a pelvis person. She kind of looks like Halle Berry in a weird way."
W: "You're drunk. She doesn't look... oh wait."
P: "No she does. "
W: "Yeah, I see it."
P: "Kellie Pickler just looks confused."
W: "Kellie Pickler's like 'What's a Shakira?'"
P: "This song fucking sucks. Like, she's distracting me with her pelvis, but the song totally sucks."
W: "It doesn't matter what's she's singing."
P: "Okay Paula. The cameraman knew that if he'd move over five feet, he'd get a very interesting shot of Paula bobbing her head (at Wyclef's crotch)."
W: "I can't blog with the quotes. I'll put them in later. It's too hard."
P: "I find this performance to be very random. And there's this random guy, just thrusting his crotch at Paula's face. It's very random."
W: "That's Wyclef Jean."
P: "Oh."

(Last night's montage)
P: "There's Katharine in her weird stable hand costume."
W: "Oh, bullshit, Taylor did not look like Clay Fucking Aiken."
P: (makes weird strangely liquid bat noise when she sees Elliott)
W: "Hee!"
P: "I blame you for that!"


Ryan: Bottom row...
P: "What are they all safe? Yeah, these are the safe people! Mandisa's safe! Phew! Oh, my Ace, I have a really bad feeling about Ace! "
Ryan: What have you done?
Ryan: After the break.
P: "Hmmm... the only person I'd be really sad about would be Katharine, although I'd be sad to lose Ace's prettiness."

P: "I feel like I'm hallucinating these commercials."
W: "It's the Wyclef crotch of commercials."
P: "Heh heh... THAT does not make sense. It's like your STD joke. I reread it today and it still doesn't make any sense."
W: "Shhhh... Shakira! Hips don't lie!"

Ryan: Elliott!
W: "Did he just make bat ears?"
P: "Do bats even have ears?"
Ryan: Safe!
P: "Sinking feeling about Ace!"
Ryan: Lisa, you are in the bottom three again.
W: "Of course."
P: "Lisa's top is fricking fabulous though. I like the craziness of it."
Ryan: Ace, you are back in the bottom three this week.
W: "Did he just pout?"
P: "I think so. I will suck on his bottom lip of poutiness."
Ryan: "Katharine, you are in the bottom three. Bucky, you are safe!"
W/P: (Collective gasp!)
Studio audience: Boo!
P: "She was the best performance!"
W: "What have you done, America?"
P: "You picked BUCKY over Katharine?! Wow. Wow. The two prettiest people in the competition just got put in the bottom three. Although Lisa is pretty too."


P: "Look at Katharine. She's soooo pretty."
W: "I think you have a crush."
Ryan: The person coming back next week is Ace.
P: "My pretty! Katharine is going to get sent home! Oh my god!"
Simon: Katharine wasn't as good, watching it back.
W: "I love Simon's pouty lip that he makes when he's not sure."
P: "Poor Ryan's like 'Please note that Lisa does suck but Katharine doesn't.'"
W: "Katharine's pretty smarmy."
P: "Whatever God's plan is!"
(Lisa's going home)
P: "Whoa! They really faked me out. I totally thought it was Katharine."
W: "Hey, I got full points in the pool!"
P: "Yes you did!"
W: "And she gets to go on the tour."
P: "She's sweet. She's got a lot of grace."
Lisa: I've been working toward this since I was little.
W: "You ARE little."
P: "Aren't we supposed to have a sing out? It's already past 8:30."
W: "They won't. Because of Shakira."
Ryan: "Next week is country."
P: "Well, Kellie fucking Pickler's not going anywhere then. Man, they just cut to Kellie and I thought it was Carrie Underwood. Kellie's singing along! Your name is Kellie Pickler, not Kelly Clarkson!"

Pool Results:
The winner for the week is Weetabix with a perfect score of 13 points! Editrix has 12 points. Martha, Pie, Shmuel, and the parakeets have 11 points each. 10 points for Bailey, Celine, and Ana. Trance with 8 and Merr with 7 are trailing this week.

34 points: Ana, Martha, Bailey
33 points: Celine
32 points: Trance
31 points: Pie, Weet
30 points: Shmuel
27 points: Pie's parakeets
25 points: Editrix
19 points: Merr


Anonymous Martha said...

If Katharine goes, I don't think I'll be able to watch anymore.

No. I'm lying. I'll still watch.

It better not be Katharine!

6:26 PM  
Anonymous Trance said...

Can someone PLEASE give Paris a fucking box of tissues?? PLEASE?!

And I don't even know what to say about Katharine/Bucky. Even Bucky was sitting there looking like, "Aw HELL, naw."

6:38 PM  
Anonymous Celine said...

How is it humanly possible that Kellie is still a contestant on this show? Or Bucky? And now people, we are stuck with them for another two weeks.

America, I am disappointed in your voting skills. Maybe someone needs to be giving number dialing classes because this MUST be a mistake.

7:15 PM  
Blogger SubUrban Housewife said...

When I saw that my dearest Katherine was in the bottom three I swore that if she were voted off Idol was going RIGHT.OFF.THE.TIVO.

I'm just thankful I didn't have to actually do that.

America lost it's mind this week. Why is Bucky still there? I'm counting on everyone to throw extra votes for my goddesses Mandisa and Katherine while I'm on vacation next week. (And here's hoping there's high speed internet in Curacao so I can check in here and see what I've missed till I can get home to the blessed TiVO.)

11:06 PM  
Blogger Kendra said...

Paris: "It's all about me! See how upset I am!"

12:24 AM  
Blogger Kim said...

Bucky, you magnificent bastard! If I thought you were even slightly literate, I might read your book!

5:24 AM  

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