Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Weetapidol pool results - Top 11 Week

With the ousting of Paige, we can see a few breaking away from the group! Mopie takes the lead with her elaborate and confusing handicapping strategy!

Mopie    24
Shari    23
Gila    22
Kim    21
Weet    20
Carly    20
Kelly S    20
Shmuel    20
Wendi    19
Jeremy    18
TeKay    18


Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Top 11: The Night of a Thousand Necklaces

Mo Pie: I'm paused after Ryan says "This…"
Weetabix: Would the next words he's about to say be "…is American Idol"?
Mo Pie: Yes it would be! Oh, that worked well.
Weetabix: It did. That should always be our queue up point.

Mo Pie: There's Kara already flirting with Simon. It's been like three seconds since the show started.
Weetabix: I like her boots though.
Mo Pie: They are good boots. I noticed them as well. Dunkleman is here tonight.
Weetabix: Dunkleman! He's PINK. DUNKLEMAN IS PINK!
Mo Pie: Wow, your HDTV must be H-er than my HDTV because it looks white to me.
Weetabix: Maybe it means I need a new HDTV.
Mo Pie: Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's not pink.
Weetabix: Ellen seems to be wearing um, gauze around her neck?
Mo Pie: it's not a jaunty cravat like last week.
Weetabix: Kara yet again takes an opportunity to touch Simon.
Mo Pie: And she says "He likes to give me a hard time" and then looks at him. Like, he's not going to say "That's what she said" back. It's family hour!
Weetabix: Simon’s telling Ryan to stay where he is, but he's really transference. He means to say it to Kara.
Mo Pie: Why do they have both Randy and Simon explaining about the tour? Why?
Weetabix: America has a short attention span?
Mo Pie: Someone start singing soon, please, good fucking lord. I like how everyone is smiling except for that one dude at the end.

Mo Pie: Is Crystal Bowersox just going to slap Miley Cyrus?
Weetabix: Is Miley Cyrus like twelve?
Mo Pie: Fourteen?
Weetabix: I think she's fifteen.
Mo Pie: They just said that she was seventeen, but in interviews, she sounds like she's fifteen. See, that was just some fifteen-year-old babble. You'd swear Dakota Fanning was like ten years older than her, the way she talks.
Weetabix: She's got a giant jaw. She's all jaw, I never noticed that before.
Mo Pie: [after Miley's "pitchy" tirade] Ok, I have to give Miley points for that. “Randy only says pitchy when he doesn't have anything else to say.”

Lee DeWyze (aka BJ Novak), "The Letter"

Mo Pie: BJ Novak has made absolutely no impression on me so far.
Weetabix: Who was that guy last year that I had the whole total hard on for?
Mo Pie: Oh god, was it the guy with the wallet chain?
Weetabix: It's always the guy with the wallet chain.
Mo Pie: Was it Danny Gokey? I've blocked that out of my brain.
Weetabix: It was Danny. Yes.
Mo Pie: See and he starts singing and I'm asleep. I guess he's kind of Danny Gokey-esque.
Weetabix: Yes, he's got that sort of bland appeal that America likes, kind of a tater tot casserole appeal.
Mo Pie: He's got like the Idolettes in the background and a brass band. He's got a lot going on right now. He seems like he should be a Muppet or something. Like he's got a hand up his back.
Weetabix: He could really be made from blue flannel, yes.
Mo Pie: Yes, I guess it's ok. I don't know. I didn’t have any hardcore feelings about that performance.
Weetabix: I was meh. Except for the Gokey.
Mo Pie: People are cheering. He did not make it sound old timey stale, Randy's right, so that's true.
Weetabix: That was sweet "My favorite pen is back." That was sweet. She could totally get in my pants.
Mo Pie: [creepy whisper]
Weetabix: WHAT?
Mo Pie: I was just sighing, except the sound “Kara DioGuardi” came out. Simon said it was corny.
Weetabix: Once again, I reiterate: Meh.
Mo Pie: I will have completely forgotten about this by the end.
Weetabix: How much wine have you had?
Mo Pie: About half a glass. I'll need some more soon.

Paige Miles, "Against All Odds"

Weetabix: What's her name again? She has some kind of pen on her necklace?
Mo Pie: That's Paige Miles.
Weetabix: I like Paige, but I don't approve of her Joan-on-Mad-Men pen-on-a-necklace.
Mo Pie: Is that a pen or a USB jump drive?
Weetabix: You know it might be a very blinged out jump drive! By the way, when did leggings come back?
Mo Pie: They've been back for a while.
Weetabix: But leggings-as-pants.... I mean, you have to remember, I'm from Green Bay.
Mo Pie: I think it's Lindsay Lohan's fault.
Weetabix: Miley seemed to have forgotten to put on pants that morning she was mentoring people.
Mo Pie: Paige is singing Phil Collins!?!
Weetabix: Yes, but thankfully not “Sussudio.” Or else I would have to stick something in my ear.
Mo Pie: Ha!
Weetabix: I'm sorry, this is horrible. I love Paige Miles, but this is awful. If this were karaoke right now, we would stand in unison and walk out.
Mo Pie: Yeah.
Weetabix: This is a bad song choice. This is a really hard song to sing. Didn't the blind guy sing this one time? Scott Crawford?
Mo Pie: Scott McIntyre. Ooh, ouch, that note.
Weetabix: This is not good. And I really like Paige a lot. I'm very sad right now.
[Page attempts to hit another note]
Weetabix: Oh god, no. Honey! Did they force her to do this? Was there a gun held to the head of her mother?
Mo Pie: Oh my god, this is a trainwreck.
Weetabix: I think she should have gone with “Sussudio.”
Mo Pie: Poor Paige.
Weetabix: She's very pretty. I'll fill in for Paula. "You're very pretty! I like the top you're wearing! I like your USB drive necklace!"
Mo Pie: Oh my god, if the best Ellen can say is "you didn't fall down..." And Ellen can't even do it, she’s passing.
Weetabix: This was really really bad. She's so much better than that.
Mo Pie: Poor Paige.
Weetabix: Wow. Yeah. Poor Paige.
Mo Pie: I don't know how she's not weeping right now.
Weetabix: Maybe she just doesn't care... maybe Kara's right. You know what she should have done? “Party in the USA,” y'all.
Mo Pie: That would've been kinda genius, actually. Isn't she the same age as Miley?
Weetabix: I think she's older. I think Paige can drink.
Mo Pie: Is she gonna get the sympathy backlash vote, or was it really that bad?
Weetabix: Seriously, it was like karaoke. Not even Mint-level karaoke.
Mo Pie: Ryan's trying to drum up the sympathy vote. Godspeed, Ryan.

Tim Urban, "Crazy Little Thing Called Love”

Mo Pie: Oh my god, I love this song!
Weetabix: Meh.
Mo Pie: Although there's no way he could do this song as well as Fantasia did it. And also, Tim can't really sing. Even Miley thinks he can't sing. “Oh hug me, cute boy!”
[Mo makes a disparaging comment about Miley's reputation.]
Mo Pie: You don't have to type that. It was kind of mean.
Weetabix: I don't think Miley reads Weetapidol.
Mo Pie: He's so sparkly. He's got this Michael J. Fox in Back to the Future vibe. He should be singing “Johnny B Goode.”
Weetabix: Kind of! Or Crispin Glover in Back to the Future! He's trying desperately to have some kind of charm.
Mo Pie: I think the little girls love him.
Weetabix: But...
Mo Pie: Yeah, but he's like on a budget cruise ship right now.
Weetabix: That's pretty good, actually. We've been ON that cruise ship.
Mo Pie: We have been, that's true.
Weetabix: And I seem to remember that you demanded to go watch that performance and I demanded to stay in the bar and drink.
Mo Pie: In hindsight, you did make the right choice there. I agree with Randy, Tim did not show off his voice at all. He was boring.
Weetabix: Did Ellen get a haircut? Her ears seem unusually large right now.
Mo Pie: I love her, I love everything about her.
Weetabix: Maybe Portia's just been pulling them. Wow, Kara just said that "little girls will love that.” You and Kara are mental twins!
Mo Pie: You bite your tongue! I mean, I agree with her, but… you bite your tongue!
Mo Pie: She's like "At least I can get my eye in this shot. My eye will be in this shot." She's the judge version of how desperate Tim is when he goes to the audience. She sees herself in him. That was very profound of me, I feel.
Weetabix: That was very drunky of you, I feel.

Aaron Kelly, "I Don't Want To Miss A Thing"

Weetabix: He's the one with the family with 11 kids, right?
Mo Pie: That was Tim, I think. Aaron's the one dressed like a... farmer... hipster?
Weetabix: He looks like a Lost Boy.
Mo Pie: He has a crush on Miley... he's singing a Miley Cyrus song? No, Aerosmith. He's singing the Armageddon song!
Weetabix: Now he's got like... dandelions? Asteroids? In the background.
Mo Pie: Asteroids, for Armageddon!
Weetabix: Everyone in the world is enamored of this song....
Mo Pie: This song is awful, and I cannot be the only one who hates it.
Weetabix: If you say that to 99% of our generation, they can't believe you say it's awful.
Mo Pie: This is because you're in Green Bay.
Weetabix: Probably. They play this on 10-cent buffalo wings night. Is Aaron trying to be a country crossover like Miley is?
Mo Pie: Maybe, but he REALLY should have done a Miley Cyrus song. It would have been way more interesting.
Weetabix: This isn't just your hatred of Aerosmith power ballads talking?
Mo Pie: Partially.
Weetabix: But you have to understand that Aerosmith's "Angel" is the best power ballad ever. Just putting that out there. In Marry, Fuck or Kill, I'm going to fuck "Angel" every single time and basically kill every other song of theirs.
Mo Pie: I will marry “Janie’s Got a Gun.”
Weetabix: I love how Randy just slammed the previous two contestants.
Mo Pie: Because they were bad!
Weetabix: I don't think Tim Urban was that bad!
Mo Pie: I love Zac Efron as much as the next person, but Tim was bad.
Weetabix: Did Kara write this? Because she's complimenting the song. They just played music to get Kara to stop talking.
Mo Pie: They played Kara off!
Weetabix: They did!
Mo Pie: Oh my god, Ryan just made a David Archuleta joke! I feel like he should be contributing to our blog.

Crystal Bowersox, "Me and Bobby McGee”

Mo Pie: I'm so excited that she's doing this song! This is your song!
Weetabix: Which song?
Mo Pie: “Me and Bobby McGee”!
Weetabix: Oh, nice!
Mo Pie: Crystal Bowersox is desperately trying not to spit in Miley Cyrus's face. It's so ridiculous to hear her say to Miley, "I'm not sure if I can do it?"
Weetabix: Oh my god, she's pandering to Miley Cyrus! Oh, she's lovely.
Mo Pie: Oh my god, she's fantastic.
Weetabix: She was born to sing this song. It's probably not her first time. It's kind of like when you're like "aw yeah, I'm in my wheelhouse now"
Mo Pie: She's squarely in her wheelhouse.
Weetabix: She's just got so much confidence.
Mo Pie: It's like she's from a totally different show. Like maybe a show of people who are already famous singers. That show.
Weetabix: Yeah.
Mo Pie: That was cool. That was my first download of the season. I'm going to download that.
Weetabix: Absolutely. It was REALLY good.
Mo Pie: I still love when you sing it too.
Weetabix: You can love other versions! It's ok!
Mo Pie: I want your MP3 too. If it were on iTunes, I would download the fuck out of it. Ellen's advice to give more energy back to the audience is probably, actually, really good.
Weetabix: That is really good advice, from a relating to people in the public point of view, which these kids don't have a lot of experience in. Oooh, Crystal's like "Yeah, back off, bitch" to Kara. And now I have to download the Pink version, on Simon's recommendation.
Mo Pie: They're showing Crystal's feet? Is Tarantino directing this?
Weetabix: Well, Ryan does like feet.
Mo Pie: She was terrific.
[Ian walks in and Mo brings him up to speed.]
Mo Pie [to Weetabix]: Tonight’s show so far has been like "sucks sucks sucks sucks awesome." That's my recap of tonight's show. Our liveblog could have been really short.

Mike Lynch, "When a Man Loves a Woman"

Weetabix: Yes! I love Michael Lynche. Even though he's wearing that hat.
Mo Pie: He's going to speak to the luvvahs out there! Oh my god.
Weetabix: You can only do that if you have really big testicles.
Mo Pie: Wearing the hat or singing the song?
Weetabix: Singing the song... big guys love hats.
Mo Pie: This sounds nice...
Weetabix: I could do with a little less unbuttoning.
Mo Pie: Now THAT is a pink pocket square. I could totally hear him on the "Delilah" radio show, talking to the luvvahs.
Weetabix: That's true.
Ian: He has to bring it at this part.
Weetabix: Tell Ian to wait! It will be broughten.
Mo Pie: I passed it on.
Weetabix: Now what has he got around his neck? A dog tag and a pen?
Mo Pie: Did I mention Crystal's leaf? I liked her leaf.
Weetabix: No you did not.
Mo Pie: I just assume they're all USB flash drives now. And I want one in the shape of a leaf.
Weetabix: I love the soft and gentle flourish at the end. I think Michael might actually be a superhero.
Mo Pie: How so?
Weetabix: I think this is his secret identity: American Idol contestant. I don't think anyone would ever suspect. Plus, I would love to see him in latex.
Mo Pie: Um….
Weetabix: “Sorry you had to come after Crystal, y'all.”
Mo Pie: I actually hate this song. And Michael Bolton.
Weetabix: And wasn't Percy Sledge a wife beater?
Ian: Percy Sledge! Not Michael Bolton!
Weetabix: You've been chastised from both ends now.
Mo Pie: That's what she said!

Andrew Garcia, “I Heard It Through the Grapevine”

Mo Pie: It actually looks like Ryan's in a spaceship, not a pulpit. A spaceshippy pulpit.
Weetabix: His pocket square is definitely a white Dunkleman.
Mo Pie: Oh, this guy. I forgot about this guy last week. I really hope he's good this week, because he really really needs to be good.
Weetabix: I don't know that he has it in him.
Mo Pie: To do it with the guitar down or do a good performance?
Weetabix: Either. Plus it's this song.
Mo Pie: I can't get over the California Raisins doing it.
Weetabix: Exactly.
Mo Pie: I had this tape, “The California Raisins Sing The Greatest Hits.” It's how I learned the words to “La Bamba” in Spanish. This is like the worst possible choice of songs.
[Unintelligible conversation between Mo and Ian.]
Weetabix: I love how you're totally not paying attention to this song and having side conversations with your husband.
Mo Pie: I don't really have anything more to say about this, other than “California Raisins” and “bad song choice.” Oh, and he's dressed like an Australian crocodile hunter.
Weetabix: Miley looks a little embarrassed.
Mo Pie: Because he looks like Crocodile Dundee.
Weetabix: Ellen and Randy didn't like it. "You suck but you're nice"… how bad must your life suck if Kara feels bad for you?
Mo Pie: "you're chasing the moment! you're confused!" well no wonder, he gets nothing but pressure and mixed messages. "Stop chasing the moment! “You need a MOMENT!"
Weetabix: they tell him to do different things all the time!
Mo Pie: Poor Andrew. I don't think it was that bad, but it wasn't that good. Simon says he sucked the soul out of the song.
Weetabix: No, Simon, animated clay raisins sucked the soul out of that song.
Mo Pie: Hahaha! Animated clay raisins!
Weetabix: I do enjoy Mr. Garcia's "cheap rack at Lenscrafters" glasses, however
Mo Pie: Oh my god we have FIVE MORE OF THESE PEOPLE TO GO? Who the hell are they??
Weetabix: I KNOW! I don’t even recall… a bunch of whiteys at this point. I'm more excited about the return of Glee.
Mo Pie: Hee. Aren't we all?

Katie Stevens, “Big Girls Don’t Cry”

Weetabix: Oh no, not Fergie
Mo Pie: Wow, Katie picked a non-old-timey song!
Weetabix: She sings out of her nose! I never realized that before, but she's totally singing out of her nose.
Mo Pie: And is Katie wearing crazy shoulder pads? And also a USB necklace?
Weetabix: Yes, she is
Mo Pie: Fergie was AWESOME in Nine. She was the best thing about that movie by a mile.
Weetabix: I haven't seen it yet. I just don't like her as a ballad singer.
Mo Pie: Also, Katie is doing something contemporary and that's awesome.
Weetabix: She has shiny hair
Mo Pie: And seriously, every single contestant is wearing at least three necklaces. I think that's a thing now.
Weetabix: The show has stock in Claire's Jewelry Boutique
Mo Pie: Katie is not hitting these notes, in the traditional sense of "hitting" the "notes."
Weetabix: I don't like Katie's voice. I would like to voice that right now… if you close your eyes, you want to punch someone.
Mo Pie: The suspenders and peace sign shirt are adding to my desire to punch someone. She looks like Donnie Wahlberg, circa 1990.
Weetabix: Seriously, I wouldn't even get excited about this at karaoke. I wouldn't leave, but I would give my usual sarcastic three claps and then continue to look through the book.
Mo Pie: Sarcastic claps? That’s cold, man!
Weetabix: You know me. I'm a bitch.
Mo Pie: If Katie went home, it would not bother me.
Weetabix: I probably would be "who's that?" during the reunion show. America, get rid of her before the tour!!!!
Mo Pie: I liked the song choice though.
Weetabix: Yeah, it was ok, dawg.
Mo Pie: Miley is making wiggle fingers at her. DON'T LET MILEY EAT YOUR SOUL, KATIE!
Weetabix: I endeavor to use the term "chalk and cheese" at least once this week.
Mo Pie: That's so Britishy! I endeavor to say, " 'ello Guv'nah!" in the same time period.
Weetabix: Vote fingers! HATE! This is why I would have sarcastic clapping, because she's a votey fingers girl.

Casey, “The Power of Love”

Weetabix: Gordon Ramsey is in the audience, which is weird.
Mo Pie: That is... bizzaaahh, as Heidi Klum would say. Oh Casey, you should do an ad for conditioner.
Weetabix: Here's your boyfriend
Mo Pie: He has nice shoulders and hair. That's as far as I'll go.
Casey: "I'm a big fan of your dad's."
Weetabix: that was AWESOME
Mo Pie: I would vote for him RIGHT NOW ON THAT BASIS ALONE.
Weetabix: I kind of like him more now too, despite his Vidal Sassoon locks.
Mo Pie: Miley making stupid cat eye fingers. Miley, YOU KNOW NOTHING. And speaking of Back to the Future, here’s “The Power of Love”…
Weetabix: This is as though it's been filtered through a hair band or something. He's good though.
Mo Pie: I like his lightning bolt guitar strap, but this song is, again, kind of old-timey. Can we just hear Crystal sing "Me and Bobby McGee" again?
Weetabix: The Captain just said he sounds like Huey Lewis.
Mo Pie: that's a bad sign. That = karaoke.
Weetabix: I think he is, as they say on the panel, making it his own.
Mo Pie: He has not won me over with this song. I'm unwilling to commit to him as my boyfriend. We're just hooking up at this point.
Weetabix: He's got very pretty eyes though.
Mo Pie: I agree with Ellen and Randy that the song choice was boring, but it was so NOT the best vocal of the night. Hello, CRYSTAL BOWERSOX?
Weetabix: blah blah blah Kara… they are just jealous of Crystal. Simon isn't drinking the Kool Aid…
Mo Pie: Simon says it was identical to Huey Lewis. Yep. Team Simon!

Didi Benami, “You’re No Good”

Mo Pie: Nice song choice, Didi! And again with the three necklaces.
Weetabix: Maybe they've been given a thousand necklaces and have to wear every single one of them on camera.
Mo Pie: Hahaha! Is that hilarious or am I tispy?
Weetabix: One of those two things, definitely.
Mo Pie: Since I just typed "tispy" we might have our answer…
Weetabix: Perhaps.
Mo Pie: Didi looks great, although she seems to be wearing an Olympic gold medal
Weetabix: I'm bored by Didi's stage presence, but I do find her voice interesting. She does look awesome.
Mo Pie: I completely cosign that… her voice is definitely interesting and I hope she sticks around. She's one of the very few people that I actually care about hearing more from.
Weetabix: There's a level of desperation to her performance that I sense.
Mo Pie: Yes. YES. It’s like you're voicing the feelings of my inmost soul.
Weetabix: I don't think we have to worry about her leaving this week.
Mo Pie: No, not with people like Paige and those other randos. There’s Miley chomping on gum and looking bored…again. And the Olympic medal is a necklace! I thought it was a belt for a while.
Weetabix: I enjoy Didi's boots.
Mo Pie: Wow, Simon is being mean to her! I didn't think it was bad.
Weetabix: He is, but I'm ok with it. His job is to be mean.
Mo Pie: There were so many more worse performances tonight, seriously.
Weetabix: True story.
Mo Pie: Maybe they're trying to get the sympathy vote.

Siobhan MAGNUS, “Superstition”

Weetabix: Woo!
Mo Pie: Siobhan and her mohawk mullet! “Superstition”! a good song!
Weetabix: Siobhan is wearing acid washed jeans. And I do like this song! A lot!
Mo Pie: Siobhan is such a little nerd, it's so cute.
Weetabix: I hope she screams again this week. I feel like I'm being manipulated with her nerddom, though
Mo Pie: She's totally the girl who takes off her glasses and puts on some lipgloss and gets the guy at the end of "She's All That.”
Weetabix: The nerdiness is like it's part of the narrative
Mo Pie: Yeah, well, there's not a whole lot else going on this season, so I'll get on board.
Weetabix: This is absolutely true. We're grabbing at crumbs, though. COMPELLING STORY? No? Oh, then, this fakey fake out with the nerd glasses will be cool.
Mo Pie: At least she's comfortable onstage, and doesn't suck as a singer. Sadly, this season, that makes her top three material. I also do hate the hair very much.
Weetabix: She's got an Edward Gorey tattoo, I think the nerd thing is just a put on. The hair is something else.
Mo Pie: Whatever that hair's narrative is, I want nothing to do with it.
Weetabix: Oooh, a scream! I like the scream! Girls don't do unpretty screams very often. I approve.
Mo Pie: True, it's an unpretty scream. Good call.

Predictions and Results

Mo Pie: Okay, I have nothing more to say about Siobhan, I like her! Predictions?
Weetabix: Sadly, Paige or one of the Wonder Bread boys… or maybe Mr. Garcia.
Mo Pie: Yeah, I mean, probably Paige. Or Mr. Garcia, that's my runner up choice. Should we go look?
Weetabix: Do the honors.
Mo Pie: Katie, Tim. and Paige in the bottom…
Weetabix: and?!?!
Mo Pie: Paige is gone.
Weetabix: Yeah, well, not surprised.
Mo Pie: Nope. I think I had her at 11th, so I'm doing well in the pool!
Weetabix: Bummer because I liked her, but so goes the fickle hand of America.
Mo Pie: Well, also, the fickle hand of she really sucked.
Weetabix: I'll update the pool scores in the morning!
Mo Pie: Excellent! I'll upload this entry tonight if I can.
Weetabix: Ok, I'm going to bed!
Mo Pie: Have a good trip! Love you!
Weetabix: Love you too!
Mo Pie: Weetapidol out!

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Weetapidol Pool Results: Top 12

Whoa, Lacey Brown, what a shocker. Except really not, because you guys had her number all along. We're currently at a 6 place tie for 1st.

Mopie 12
Shari 12
Wendi 12
Kim 12
Jeremy 12
Weet 12
Weetapidol Hive Mind 12
Gila 11
Carly 11
TeKay 11
Kelly S 10
Shmuel 9
Martha (Late Entry, no points this week)

Also, because this is oddly predictive as the season goes on, here's everyone's scores, averaged out and put in order. We call this the Weetapidol Hive Mind. If this thing continues to be accurate, Aaron Kelly should start thinking about packing his bags next Tuesday night.

12. Lacey Brown
11. Aaron Kelly
10. Paige Mills
9. Tim Urban
8. Katie Stevens
7. Andrew Garcia
6. Didi Benami
5. Lee Dewyze
4. Casey James
3. Siobhan Magnus
2. Crystal Bowersox
1. Michael Lynche

Good luck to everyone in the pool!


Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Weetapidol Weetapidol: The Top 12

Weet: hi! are you home and settled? (I know you're home)
Mo Pie: just about… I have no phone, by the way. my cell phone is gone, my laptop is dead…
god knows what will happen next
Weet: we type, and your roof will cave in, and your tv will explode, etc etc
Mo Pie: actually my garbage disposal just broke! so I think that's three… so I should be okay!

And So It Begins…

Mo Pie: Ryan in a corridor of orange-lit Idols
Weet: so, you cheated on this performance show… I am going in cold, let it be known
Mo Pie: I did cheat
Weet: cheater cheaty pants
Mo Pie: how do you know I cheated? HOW DID YOU KNOW? I meant to hide my cheating.
Weet: you mentioned it on Twitter or something
Mo Pie: aw hell.
Weet: the significant other ALWAYS KNOWS
Mo Pie: I had to watch, I had to mine data in order to make my pool picks!
Weet: I did not mine data. I'm hoping that makes me fresher and more accurate! And not full of fail, as I have been traditionally
Mo Pie: probably... I think I overthought it.
Weet: I tend to pick as I think they SHOULD be, which is always wrong, because last year, I put Kris Allen off, like, 10th
Mo Pie: poor Kris. I don't think anyone saw that one coming last year.
Weet: No.
Mo Pie: I think I may have gone the other way and really overrated Tim. he feels like the "person who will be around for what seems like fucking forever" this season, so watch, he gets eliminated tonight.
Weet: Ellen always looks like she just wandered in from the back lot by accident
Mo Pie: Shmuel is the one who keeps coming in last. I'm hoping this'll be his year!
Weet: screw Shmuel! BIX FOR THE WIN!

Weet: who is the girl with the Doc Martens?
Mo Pie: um... Lady McRando
Weet: she's going for the quirky vote, against weird hair vintage girl? I think it was Siobhan Magnus, but it went by very fast.
Mo Pie: that might be Siobhan Magnus who I have decided to root for as her name is cool.
Weet: they are talking blah blah Rolling Stones. Mo Pie: I feel so meh about the Rolling Stones. I care almost not at all about them.
Weet: so: a bit of a Weetabix secret: I actually don't like the Stones very much, but more than I like The Who
Mo Pie: I feel equally meh about The Who.
Weet: I loathe The Who… I make Esteban fast forward through all CSI intros because I hate those songs so much
Mo Pie: classic rock isn't really my thing I guess.. though I do love the Doors. I aDoor them!

Michael Lynche, “Miss You”

Weet: I fear I may have overrated Michael, but I like him… Reuben Lite
Mo Pie: I probably underrated him, I think I put him like eighth or something. I just am not feeling the fanbase for him, despite his adorable wife and new baby.
Weet: his adorable wife is adorable! Oh, his baby is adorable too! is that why Kara was annoyingly crying last week? because she's not his adorable mother of his adorable child?
Mo Pie: you're trying to bait me into talking about Kara. this will not work!
Weet: Ok, I really do like Michael… he's only started singing the first two lines and I'm swayed. I love his falsetto.
Mo Pie: I like him too! Ian, who knows these songs somewhat, said "this song has no personality, but he's giving it personality."
Weet: I am always such a sucker for the linebacker types.
Mo Pie: hee. I want to make a Blind Side joke right here, but that seems wrong.
Weet: it does seem wrong.
Mo Pie: especially since I almost made an Obama joke about his half-white baby.
Weet: DISCLAIMER: The opinions expressed by the Weetapidolers do not reflect those of Weetapidol as a whole
Mo Pie: I think race based jokes should be saved for the Top 11 show. they seem wrong in the Top 12.
Weet: yes, but this Top 12? Is the whitey whitiest Top 12 ever
Mo Pie: especially since Paige is toast, I think.
Weet: yes, I'm worried about her. I like her a lot. and of course, you have inside information BECAUSE YOU CHEATED.
Mo Pie: I do not have inside information about Paige! I don't think she's going home this week. I just don't see her sticking around… I'm starting to think Elton John had a point.
Weet: what was his point?
Mo Pie: he was the one who said the show was racist when J. Hud got eliminated. which was ridiculous. Weet: Well, it was racist. That week, only the three black girls were in the bottom.
Mo Pie: that's not racist though. it's because they all had similar styles and split the vote! and J. Hud was shouty and crazy-eyed when she was on the show.
Weet: Simon thinks Mike was corny! Ok, yeah, whatever, but I still liked it. woo, a bit of sexual tension between Simon and Ryan!
Mo Pie: gay jokes are in Top 10 week. TOO SOON.
Weet: I'm sorry, I clearly lost the pre-printed agenda!!! Which week is the short Ryan week?
Mo Pie: that's every week.

Didi Benami, “Play With Fire”

Mo Pie: paused on Ryan Raps And Is Short… Didi is sitting on a stool, but Ryan is standing up.
Weet: I don't know what is going on with Didi Benami's hair, I'm not sure I cosign yet
Mo Pie: it is floaty and shiny! I enjoy it.
Weet: it's lopsided.
Mo Pie: I vote yes.
Weet: She was a cute child, but this is what I think I don't like about her. She's always in a rictus grin, even when she's talking. It's unnatural.
Mo Pie: see, and I think she's way more natural than that Lacey person. who is fakey fake fake
Weet: I think we're debating degrees of fakey fake. I do enjoy her boots though.
Mo Pie: I kind of like the tone of her voice... did we already talk about her being Sara Bareilles-like? and you said she was like Maria Something?
Weet: Maria Taylor, but you're right about Sara Bareilles. I do not care for this performance.
Mo Pie: I find this performance hard to judge because I don't know the song, but she hit a bum note in there and is making a strange face.
Weet: imagine it screeched by Mick Jaggar. and it doesn't really matter, it can't stand on its own legs
Mo Pie: true
Weet: Please note this: I do not object to Randy's sweater tonight! in fact, I kind of want it.
Mo Pie: well it would look way better on you!
Weet: aw, you're schmoopie
Mo Pie: on him it looks kind of like he's a host at a themed restaurant
Weet: poor Randy. Always attributed to a variety of uniforms
Mo Pie: maybe Randy just has the aura of being in the customer service industry.
Weet: while being active in various group extracurriculars, such as acappella groups
Mo Pie: Hee.
Weet: Kara is wearing some kind of aboriginal breast plate situation
Mo Pie: that is a situation. I heartily agree that is a situation.

Casey James, “It’s All Over Now”

Weet: your boyfriend! He's such a goober. I'm sorry, I don't see it
Mo Pie: well, provisional. provisional boyfriend.
Weet: . Also, his mom was totally a bar fly… or an Ozzy Osbourne groupie
Mo Pie: he's not even in the same arena as Daughtry or Lambert. he needs to sing a good song for that. but one good performance and I could be pushed over the edge.
Mo Pie: will this be the one!?!?!
Mo Pie: (spoiler: no)
Weet: I like his shirt.
Mo Pie: he has fluffy hair also.
Weet: so, his thing is that he's kind of country? or kountry?
Mo Pie: well, kountry is very popular!
Weet: we haven't had a country boy yet… DEMOGRAPHIC THEORY
Mo Pie: apparently 7 out of 8 of the Idols have been southern, did you know that?
Weet: whoa, that's crazy
Mo Pie: I threw my demographic theory out the window after two years of white guy/white guy finales.
Weet: which means we're due for a non-white non-boy (COME ON PAIGE)
Mo Pie: I love Ellen's lesbian joke! I thought they would make her pretend not to be a lesbian.
Weet: uh, not even Simon Cowell has that much power
Mo Pie: hahaha
Weet: everyone knows and accepts that Ellen likes the ladies… I love that she's on AI, actually.
Mo Pie: no but I mean "it's a family show!"... they could have been uptight about it. But I am glad too. I find her delightful.
Weet: well, she was just tongue in cheek (vagina)(sorry) about it and said "people like me....blondes"
Mo Pie: [silence]
Weet: are you busily voting for Casey right now?
Mo Pie: I'm voting for Casey with my vagina
Weet: I had no idea that your vagina could dial or text

Lacey Brown, “Ruby Tuesday”

Mo Pie: oh no, Lacey is southern…from Texas.
Weet: we should probably worry
Mo Pie: AAAH. I am worried.
did you see that?
Mo Pie: thank god, no I did not.
Weet: they pulled her hand away quickly but the kid was going to pick her nose
how many tattoos do you think Lacey has?
Mo Pie: ugh, she annoys me. she has a tattoo of a hummingbird on her ankle, I bet. or some STUPID CRAP LIKE THAT.
Weet: and a tramp stamp… a dolphin.
Mo Pie: obvs, a dolphin!
Weet: two dolphins forming a yin-yang symbol!
Mo Pie: my sister has a yin-yang tramp stamp, so I try not to judge.
Weet: but is Caroline's tramp stamp made of DOLPHINS? therein lies the difference.
Mo Pie: it is not.
Weet: I really don't like Lacey’s voice. this is totally about the potential for the package deal… she's got a look, but totally no talent
Mo Pie: I just think she's so calculating... she comes across so, so contrived.
Weet: she's got an AWFUL voice
Mo Pie: and her voice is annoying. I don't know, she's similar enough to Didi that I feel like I'm being inconsistent in liking Didi okay but hating Lacey. and yet there it is.
Weet: Didi actually has a better voice, more control…. that end bit? yucky
Mo Pie: "you kinda held it together," says Randy.
Weet: "you didn't shit the bed, so ok dawg"
Mo Pie: hee.
Weet: "sleepy"... good word, Ellen!I think Kara likes being third because she can see how the panel is swaying
Mo Pie: SIMON! YES! Simon says she's like an actress and everything seems "very thought through"!! I AGREE, SIMON.
Weet: nicely done

Andrew Garcia, “Gimme Shelter”

Weet: Oh, I love Andy's father and mother! She's actually wearing leopard! That just happened!
Mo Pie: I do enjoy the leopard!
Weet: His father has tattoos on his knuckles! Oh awesome, his wife's hair is GINORMOUS
Mo Pie: I like Andrew... when I was placing him in the pool it was tough. I can see him going really soon, but I can also see him having a Moment and lasting more!
Weet: I want him to persevere! But I feel that America will see the neck tattoo and say "Uh uh."
Mo Pie: I know this song? I think it's on Rock Band?
Weet: It's old. Everyone knows this song.
Mo Pie: does he have a nose ring? so do like half the girls I think.
Weet: Yes, he has a stud
Mo Pie: it is the Year of the Nose Ring! and I don't often know some of these classic songs.
Weet: you had a sheltered childhood
Mo Pie: we listened to Julio Iglesias and Dolly Parton. and Dutch things. and that performance was boring, I feel.
Weet: yeah, I want to like him but meh. When Randy tells you that he loves you, he's about to piss in your Cheerios.
Mo Pie: I want to like him too! I've been liking him. I love how Ellen's like, fuck it, I liked it!
Weet: yes, she's awesome. She's like "Hey, it doesn't matter what we say, so screw y'all, I'm going for fan favorite!"
Mo Pie: now Kara's making... a good.... point? I have to go find a cold compress and recline on my fainting couch. I have to say I agree with Kara on this, that connecting with the song is good.
Weet: Wait, "you weren't in Vietnam so you shouldn't have chosen that"? What if it's the gang wars, Kara? WHAT ABOUT THAT?
Mo Pie: hahah
Weet: Kara makes a face at the end of her critiques that is like something you'd see on SNL, paired with a "wah waaaa" noise… it's a Kristin Wiig face
Mo Pie: Kara IS a "wah waaaa" noise.

Katie Stevens, “Wild Horses”

Weet: Katie is bluh bluh
Mo Pie: I like Katie's little summery dress
Weet: yes, that is cute. Have the Stones even had a hit since Katie has been alive?
Mo Pie: you say Rolling Stones and my mind just goes blank. I just am emptied of the ability to care about the question.
Weet: Well, that's because the Rolling Stones is irrelevant to our generation… but to old people, they're like U2. (buh bye all Weetapidol readers over the age of 45)
Mo Pie: U2! I now understand. WHERE IS U2 NIGHT??
Weet: Hopefully it's during Gay Joke week
Mo Pie: hahaha. well played.

Mo Pie: oh, Katie is singing. and is lit angelically. are they trying to save her?
Weet: she really is… maybe she died
Weet: also, Wild Horses is a great song, but I actually like the Sundays cover better than the original… I'm serious, go download the Sundays' version of this song, it's awesome.
Mo Pie: I will. this version isn't doing anything for me.
Weet: I think this song was also featured in a Buffy episode, early on
but again, not the Stones' version
Mo Pie: Ian has a disturbing breadth of knowledge about songs featured on Buffy, so I will find out.
Weet: Katie’s angelically lit because she's sucking the life out of the room. Also, her tongue is weirdly colored, like maybe she's getting sick, or needs a tongue scraper when she brushes. Good oral hygiene is underrated on American Idol.
Mo Pie: I don't want to think that hard about her tongue. or Randy's friendship beads, which he's broken out again. I will, however, spend some time thinking about Ellen's cravat.
Weet: is it really a cravat? It seems long. Isn't there a length requirement for cravat-age?
Mo Pie: I have no idea... I guess I just didn't know what else to call it!
Weet: Speaking of oral hygiene, have you ever noticed that Kara has got pretty giant bunny teeth?
Mo Pie: bunny teeth! that oddly makes me like her more.

Tim Urban, “Under My Thumb”

Mo Pie: this kid looks like one of my students, except I can't figure out which one
Weet: wait, he bitches because he had ten kids in his family but it's five sisters and one shower? What about his four brothers? STEREOTYPING BULLSHIT
Mo Pie: his brothers all shower at once, because it's manlier! (perhaps I should save that joke for Flowers in the Attic week)
Weet: that's going to be the BEST WEEK
Mo Pie: it sure is! color all weeks blue but save one for AWESOME.
Weet: He's got strangely outsized features… It works on TV, but I think in person he may be offputting
Mo Pie: I think this kid is going to stick around, in spite of the fact that he can't really sing.
Weet: Agreed, he's the Jason Castro, He's very likable
Mo Pie: he is the Castro. absolutely. you just want to squeeze his little face.
Weet: he's also got very pretty eyes and amazing eyelashes… that hair plays up his Josh Hartnett In Virgin Suicides good looks
Mo Pie: Ian says he head all about Idol on the radio and nobody liked this performance.
Weet: what station is Ian listening to?!
Mo Pie: I love Ellen's "felt like I was at a resort drinking a pina colada." that's basically Jason Castro's entire raison d'etre, to make you feel that way.
Weet: very much, although Castro got by on the skin of his testicles by having two really good performances when he needed them
Mo Pie: also, did Kara just call Ellen and Randy "the guys"?
Weet: she did that earlier too… I'm sure that she would say it's non-gendered, but she never called Randy and Paula "the guys"
Mo Pie: no, I don't recall that she did.

Siobhan Magnus, “Paint It Black”

Weet: I do enjoy Siobhan's little quirky geek girl glasses… holy crap, she really does have a huge family. was she homeschooled?!?!
Mo Pie: oh deara god, I hope not.
Weet: this kid screams homeschooling to me
Mo Pie: she's very cute, though. I do enjoy her.
Weet: wow, that flashback to Aretha week was impressive… maybe I underrated Siobhan. she's legitmately quirky
Mo Pie: she seems so much more geniune than Lacey even though they're basically the same! it freaks me out.
Weet: aw, I liked her glasses, and she is too "pretty pretty" right now. She's got an Edward Gorey tattoo... how old is she?
Mo Pie: she does? okay, that's super cute.
Weet: Wow, I am now solidly in the Siobhan camp… that last note
Mo Pie: I think that note was not so great.
Weet: I liked the whole thing… it was a wow thing for me (I'm using my words!)
Mo Pie: but I do like Siobhan and also her name is Magnus. MAGNUS!!!
[Note to Weetapidol readers: our dear friend Jen’s new and very cute baby is named Magnus.]
Mo Pie: I ranked her first! so I think you should vote for her.
Weet: She's got a bit of a snaggle tooth going on and it makes me like her more! the camera was like "oh, look at her quirky footwear!"
Mo Pie: they are comparing her to Adam Lamberrrrrr.
Weet: Kara compared her to Adam Lamberrrr… jinx!
Mo Pie: hee! total jinx.
Weet: if she was thinking ahead, she would have saved the Cinderella thing for a few weeks from now

Lee DeWyze, “B east of Burden”

Mo Pie: who the hell is this guy?
Mo Pie: oh yeah.
Weet: Oh my god, I've been to Mount Prospect! That's right by my Shermer office
Mo Pie: so he's not southern. FORGET IT. NEXT.
Weet: he's a pseudo Chicago boy… but really, it's not Chicago. and Ryan playing the sympathy card…
Mo Pie: yeah… "he's so nervous, y'all!"
Weet: Hmm... Beast of Burden not a good choice, this one has been SO overdone
Mo Pie: I don't know this song… I knew Paint It Black, and that one from Rock Band
Weet: I believe Bette Midler sang this one with Mick Jaggar in the 70's
Mo Pie: YAWN
Weet: yeah
Mo Pie: bored now, Lee DeWyze
Weet: the song itself is lame… wait, I was wrong: Bette Midler COVERED it, better than Mick Jaggar, in my opinion
Mo Pie: I'll have to go listen to that
Weet: Oh my god, Ellen just basically said he was exposing his seam… and seriously, is Bowersox in the pimp spot again?
Mo Pie: is she? are we almost done, finally? because that would be awesome. 12 people is a lot of people.
Weet: Indeed
Mo Pie: oh, we need Paige too
Weet: oh right, Paige
even I've forgotten about her and I like her!
Mo Pie: yeah, that's a bad sign… then again, we did first mention her about seven hours ago

Paige Miles, “Honky Tonk Woman”

Weet: Paige is from the south!
Mo Pie: you're trying to make Paige happen. I don't think Paige is going to happen.
Weet: Mo Pie: she's cute as a button. I hope she sticks around.
Weet: Nice blonde lady sticking Ryan's face in her armpit
Mo Pie: what song is this?
Weet: Honky Tonk Woman, maybe?
Mo Pie: I want to hear her sing in church. I love church singing!
Weet: I do too. is the leather arm band the new wallet chain? Her outfit is cute but curious… she's also wearing some kind of weird leather tourniquet around her neck
Mo Pie: I like her jumpsuit shorts and leather bracelet.
Weet: I do enjoy the jumpsuit and boots combo! she's delightful. vote, America! don't be RACIST
Mo Pie: go Paige go!
Weet: Randy doesn't call Ellen "Ellen" but rather "E"… like she's Elvis
Mo Pie: I adore Randy's use of "E"
Weet: wow, total backhanded compliments from Kara... "from someone who was struggling? For someone who has kind of a sucky voice? I have to applaud you for this. Since you sucked so bad before and stuff."
Mo Pie: hahaha. Kara sucks.
Weet: Aw, Paige is just ADORABLE
Mo Pie: she really is
Weet: How can America not love her!?
Mo Pie: cute as a button. LOVE HER, AMERICA.

Aaron Kelly, “Angie”

Weet: his mom's name is KELLY KELLY! that? Is awesome.
Mo Pie: are you sure? it is? srsly??
Weet: yes, do you want to stop and go back? because it is KELLY KELLY
Mo Pie: no, I believe you.
Weet: I did a double take
Mo Pie: that just makes me think of the Cheers episode. Kelly Kelly Kelly Kelly Kelly Kelly Kelly…
Weet: it would be a dream for his mom, Kelly Kelly
Mo Pie: now what is this song?
Weet: “Angie”… was that a joke? Because this really is like the Kelly Kelly Kelly song, only with Angie
Mo Pie: no... I thought he was singing "MJ"!
Weet: bwahaha!
Mo Pie: but now that you point it out, yes, it is basically the Kelly Kelly Kelly song! also I am pretending he is singing it to Michael Jackson
Weet: When Mick Jagger sang it, he did give it extra syllables. Maybe he really was singing it to himself, MJ! OH M J.
Mo Pie: sorry, Aaron Kelly, but Tim Urban has the adorable bland kid vote all sewn up.
Weet: this is true. America needs someone who has gone through puberty, I'm sorry to say
Mo Pie: David Archuleta notwithstanding?
Weet: he doesn't have the Osmond factor that Archuleta had… also, Archuleta didn't have a mom named Archuleta Archuleta
Mo Pie: hahah. if only!!
Weet: Also, he just did votey hands, which means he is dead to me.

Crystal Bowersox, “You Can’t Always Get What You Want”

Weet: Crystal is in the pimp spot again… SHENANIGANS
Mo Pie: I do like her. also she's a songwriter like DAUGHTRY! but I fear she's destined to be the peaks-early, shocking boot.
Weet: maybe
Mo Pie: hence me putting her fourth.
Weet: aw, her dad teared up! that's adorable
Mo Pie: that is super cute.
Weet: she has a good look
Mo Pie: and I like this song! I know this song! oh, it was on Glee. hee. no wonder.
Weet: I'm vaguely disturbed that you know two songs, and only because they're featured on various pop culture references… you've never heard them in the wild
Mo Pie: no, I think I'd heard this song... but actually I think because it was on the Forrest Gump soundtrack?
Weet: not in the wild
Mo Pie: no. okay, nevermind.
Weet: that's like a zoo for music…a soundtrack=a zoo
Mo Pie: ?? okay!
Weet: I like Crystal, but I now worry that I like her because they WANT me to like her
She reminds me a bit of Kirstin Dunst, if Kirstin Dunst had dreds
Mo Pie: I do think she's incredibly authentic, and talented, and I like her.
Weet: I bet that she and Lacey don't get along in the AI house
Mo Pie: she's like the anti-Lacey… I hope she and Paige have a club
Weet: Lacey wants to be the quirky one and is trying to figure out how to Nancy Kerrigan Crystal and Siobhan
Mo Pie: heh. aw, she just said "Siobhan was amazing" and is being very humble.
Weet: yes, it makes me like her even more!
Mo Pie: GRASSY KNOLL: the judges keep saying "well you think you've got it all sewn up" and stuff… I love Crystal because she'll come out and say "uh, no, I don't think that." thereby unmasking the machinations of the judges!
Weet: which... is that supposed to be the AI PTB making us dislike her? and like Siobhan who has a more compelling Cinderella story?
Mo Pie: maybe so!!! we'll have to be vigilant about this.
Weet: We will cry shenanigans! Just like when we uncovered the Chris Lights phenomenon

Predictions and Results

Mo Pie: I put Lacey last, I fear it could also be Andrew, and maybe Aaron.
Weet: predictions: Not!Archuleta and god I hope Lacey Brown. Wait are there two or one tonight?
Mo Pie: no, it's only one… we're in the real show now.
Weet: then I hope Lacey. .. I predicted Lacey in my pool picks, which probably means that she stays
Mo Pie: I predicted her too though. let's go find out! you should go find out. since I cheated on the show you can discover the results.
Weet: I'm going to find out
[Weetabix searches]
Weet: it is a happy day in America… according to Twitter… Lacey Brown got walked
Mo Pie: YES!
Weet: Woo!
Mo Pie: I love how Twitter is now the go-to source.
Weet: talk about a Hive Mind
Mo Pie: no kidding
Weet: I'm happy about this turn of events… now Siobhan and Bowersox can sleep soundly tonight
Mo Pie: a lot of our pool players nailed it... I'm curious to see what the Weetapidol Hive Mind picks are, and how the points shake out! Speaking of a hive mind.
do you want to do the points post after you do the spreadsheet?
Weet: I will get it posted at some point tomorrow
Mo Pie: lovely… I will format this chat and make it go!
Weet: Weetapidol out!
Mo Pie: goodnight!

Sunday, March 14, 2010

'Pidol Pool Picks!

Want to play along at home? Now's your chance! Rank the contestants from 1 to 12 (or from 12 to 1) in the order you think they'll be voted off. The closer you are to each contestant's correct ranking, the more points you'll receive. Plus, we'll average all our picks to come up with the picks of the Weetapidol Hive Mind, which has done pretty well in the pool the last two seasons!

You can wait to post your picks until after the top 12 perform next week, but they have to be in before the results show (obvs), so the deadline is Wednesday 9:00 PM Eastern Daylight Time.

Once again there will be a prize for the winner (the Idol-related merchandise of your choice). I believe last season the new Daughtry CD went out to the winner!

Previous winners have included Martha, Kelly S., Wendi (and I can't find who won Season 6, was it you, Kim?) This season, will one of these fine entrants repeat her victory? Will the Weetapidol Hive Mind triumph at last? Does Shmuel stand a chance? Find out, this season on.... AaaaaaammmmmmmERICAN Idol!

For your convenience, and in no particular order except the one posted on Wikipedia (which is, um, alphabetical, so I guess it is a particular order at that) here are the names of the top 12:

Didi Benami
Crystal Bowersox
Lacey Brown
Lee Dewyze
Andrew Garcia
Casey James
Aaron Kelly
Michael Lynche
Siobhan Magnus
Paige Miles
Katie Stevens
Tim Urban

Good luck!

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Top 8 Guys: "For A Good Time, Call..."

Weet: ready? skype-y or phone?
Mo Pie: yes! I don’t have skype, so phone or chat for me... por moi... je ne sais quoi... je drunky!
Weet: what's your phone number again?
Mo Pie: 1-800-DRUNKY

Weet: Where are you? I've got Ryan standing next to a very handsome urban gentleman.
Mo Pie: Ryan is making eyes at a boy in a white shirt, next to the urban gentleman with a pocket square.
Weet: Got it.
Mo Pie: I don't really understand why Ryan Seacrest is having this weird moment with everybody. It's like he's a drill sergeant or something. And he hasn't made out with anyone yet, so I don't really see the point. He looks very pleased with himself, though.
Weet: Bbbrrrrrrrthththoooooo.
Mo Pie: Are you doing little sound effects?
Weet: It doesn't translate well to text.
Mo Pie: Why is Randy dressed like he's in a prep school acapella group? I'm going to try to wait a little bit before I say how much I hate Kara. I'll see how far I can get into the show.
(a second passes)
Uh. I hate Kara. She's just bumping Simon like, "Pay attention to me! Pay attention to me!"
Weet: Why is tonight any different?

Lee DeWize, “Fireflies”

Mo Pie: Who is this guy?
Weet: I think it's BJ Novak, from the side.
Mo Pie: I thought that earlier!
Weet: I hate the Fireflies song. It was written by someone with a developmental disability. I think. Probably not.
Mo Pie: This is awful. He can't get through three words without taking a breath. If there's any justice in the world, this guy is getting voted off.
Weet: He really does look like BJ Novak though.
Mo Pie: He really does. It's kind of creepy.
Weet: Randy is bluh bluh bluh.
Mo Pie: Ellen! “You had pitch problems but WHO CARES! You're adorable!” They're just trying to be nice to him. They're the judges; they should be mean.
Weet: There's a star BUBBLING?!
Mo Pie: I hate Kara. “A star bubbling”! Oh good, now she's like fondling Simon.
Weet: She's literally touching him. She's as far over as she can be.
Mo Pie: She's elbowing him! Well, Simon liked this performance. Maybe I'm crazy.
Weet: You're not crazy. Mister Flavor Saver.

Alex Lambert, "Trouble"

Weet: This screws me up, because it's not Adam Lambert.
Mo Pie: I accidentally typed "Adam Lambert" a few lines ago.
Weet: That's funny. Has he gone through puberty yet?
Mo Pie: Hs face would suggest no, because he looks like Macaulay Culkin.
Weet: He looks like Mikey from the Goonies. I don't like his weird voice. Everything's like nyaauwww nyauuuwww.
Mo Pie: I can't type that!
Weet: Sure you can. You want me to repeat it?
Mo Pie: Actually, I think I've got it.
Weet: It was just awright for me, dawg.
Mo Pie: Randy's outfit makes me laugh. He's got friendship beads, too! He went to acapella camp!
Weet: Yes. Ellen's got a pocket square as well, and needs some lotion for her neck.
Mo Pie: Ellen has a pocket square?
Weet: Yes. Dunkelman is in her pocket.
Mo Pie: It's nice that Dunkelman is supporting the new person.
Weet: Kara is ON TOP OF SIMON. She's so close to him, she's actually behind him.
Mo Pie: I'm trying not to say "I hate Kara," but...
Weet: She is IN HIS CHAIR.
Mo Pie: Now the judges are just being annoying, this Randy-in-a-bikini business.
Weet: I'm bored by this. I'm more concentrating on Simon's chest hair.

Tim Irving, “ Hallellujah”

Weet: I love this song!
Mo Pie: People love this kid. He's another person who's going to go very high in my Weetapidol pool pick.
Weet: He looks like the Josh Hartnett character from Virgin Suicides.
Mo Pie: I don't understand any of those words. This is a good performance. This is going to get him into the Top 12 for sure. And he was like, shitty a few weeks ago.
Weet: He has an eyebrow situation that I'm not cosigning.
Mo Pie: He's got the grandma vote, which is the David Archuleta vote and the Kris Allen vote. So....
Weet: Point. Pointy. Lesbian approaching! Shocked him!
Mo Pie: That is the first time any of the judges have gotten out of their chair.
Weet: Paula has gotten up out of her chair, but no one could ever tell.
Mo Pie: Oh my god, I agree with Kara! I don't hate Kara right now.
Weet: You have to persevere with your hate.
Mo Pie: It will come back in a matter of moments.
Weet: Kara just checked out Simon's package. She just did! No shit!
Mo Pie: If she thought it would get her some more attention , she would unzip his fly and start giving him head right now. Oh Ellen is so funny. She's a breath of fresh air, that Ellen. Love her.
Weet: Oooooh, pimp hands. What's the anti-pimp hand vote? MY VOTE!

Andrew Garcia, “Genie in a Bottle”

Weet: Is that Bobby Trendy? No. Apparently not. He does look kind of like the Bobby Trendy character from “Ugly Betty.
Mo Pie: I think his name is Andrew Garcia, or Anthony Garcia or something.
Weet: I kind of love this already.
Mo Pie: Genie in a Bottle? Me too,
Weet: He did Adele already, which I love. I'm not biased because he has a wallet chain.
Mo Pie: He does have a wallet chain, though.
Weet: But he does have a neck tattoo, and I'm pretty against that since Jeffrey Sebilia on “Project Runway.”
Mo Pie: He's not really changing this song up that much.
Weet: I would buy his version on iTunes, I think.
Mo Pie: He's awesome, I love that. I liked the ending a lot.
Weet: The quality of his voice was not a wow. It was interesting, but his voice was anything you'd hear at an open mic.
Mo Pie: Yeah, it was all about the arrangement.
Weet: He's from the rival acapella group at camp.
Mo Pie: I agree, like, 100% with Ellen. That the end was the best. But I also agree with you that his voice isn't that exciting.
Weet: Yeah, what Ellen said is exactly what you said.
[Simon says he's “with Kara.”]
Weet: He's with her because she's in his lap.
Mo Pie: See, I'm not saying anything right now.

Casey James, “You'll Think of Me”

Mo Pie: I think he's cute!
Weet: His shirt is unbuttoned three buttons too low.
Mo Pie: I can't decide if me liking him is going to be like Ace Young embarrassing or Chris Daughtry prescient. I like his shirt. I like that embroidering.
Weet: I like the shirt too. It's just unbuttoned too low.
Mo Pie: I can tell you right now that I'm going to have no objectivity about this cute boy. He brings out my inner cougar. He's got a hummingbird on his guitar! How cute is that!?!
Weet: It's something that they had at the guitar store?
Mo Pie: The Guitar Center was having a sale.
Weet: We have said nothing about his voice.
Mo Pie: I don't CARE about his voice. I don't know that song, I don't have an opinion about it.
Weet: I don't know it either, but I was nonplussed. Apparently I don't find him as cute as you do.
Mo Pie: Apparently not.
Weet: Do you know how bummed I'm going to be if we don't have a cute boy to fawn over this year? It's going to be like that Archuleta season.
Mo Pie: I liked David Cook. I liked his arrangements.
Weet: Yeah, I know, but it's not like we wanted to have his penis in our mouths or anything.
Mo Pie: No, that was Chris Daughtry's season.
Weet: This is what I'm saying.

Aaron Kelly, “I'm Already There”

Mo Pie: I enjoy this song. This kid can't sing, though.
Weet: He looks dorky. He's got all the stage presence of Archuleta, which is to say nothing, and no voice.
Mo Pie: Yeah, this is...
Weet: Painful?
Mo Pie: We'll see what happens when the chorus hits.
Weet: He's not Osmondy, like Archuleta.
Mo Pie: Is that a compliment, or an insult?
Weet: I actually like the Osmonds.
Mo Pie: He's making creepy sex eyes at me! It's gross!
Weet: He heard you talking about being a cougar earlier.
Mo Pie: Hee.
Weet: His eyes are spaced too far apart for his nose.
Mo Pie: His eyes are too small. I mean none of this is his fault, but they're too small.
[Randy starts talking.]
Weet: "You have a voice for radio, kid."
Mo Pie: I don't know, it was so... it was just a'it to me. This kid made no impression on me at all.
Weet: I have nothing. It's no Josh Groban, arm extended situation here.
Mo Pie: I'm just gonna go with "little eyes." That's my one takeaway.
Weet: Don't boo Ellen! She's on your side, people.
[Kara is talking.]
Weet: Thanks for explaining it to us, Kara.
Mo Pie: I actually agree with Kara over Simon at this moment.
Weet: You love her. You want to marry her.
Mo Pie: We're in one of those movies, where they hate each other at first and then have sex.
Weet: And then meet up in a crowded courtyard and wildly kiss while mussing each other's hair.

Todrick Hall, "Someone to Love"

Mo Pie: Yes. Todrick Hall
Weet: I love this song.
Mo Pie: I do too! I'm voting for Todrick. This is awesome.
Weet: And he did the falsetto!
Mo Pie: This guy strikes me that he could be in the cast of Rent with those fingerless gloves. He could be Tom Collins right now.
Weet: He's about to be knocked over for his jacket!
Mo Pie: He's only putting about 70% in right now.
Weet: He put it all into the beginning?
Mo Pie: I would vote for that, though. It was good. Not a 100 percent effort but it was good.
Weet: Well, Randy, you're right, it was the best male vocal we've heard tonight. Has Ellen ever heard Queen? Because the song IS supposed to sound like it's gospel.
Mo Pie: It's not Godspell, Kara. It's RENT!
Weet: She needs a drag queen to come out wearing a Santa costume.
Mo Pie: I would be so happy if that happened right now. I love that Simon called out the fingerless gloves as being Broadway! I'm so smart!

Big Mike, "This Woman's Work"

Weet: He's doing “This Woman's Work”! Oh my god!
Mo Pie: I don't think I know this song.
Weet: It's from 9 1/2 Months. It's old. It's from the 80s. A Kevin Bacon movie. Kate Bush?
Mo Pie: Oh my god, Kate Bush! I wish someone would do "Wuthering Heights"!
Weet: He's owning this.
Mo Pie: Ian says it's an interesting choice.
Weet: I knew Ian would know it.
Mo Pie: It's because of him that I even know who Kate Bush is.
Weet: I would never in a million years figure out what song this was if I just heard it.
Mo Pie: Mmm.
Weet: I liked that, but it was no Rent queen.
Mo Pie: Well I guess it was good? It's hard for me to judge since I don't know the song.
Weet: It's a great song, you should go listen to it.
Mo Pie: Well man, these judges love it. I trust Ellen. If she says it's good, then it's good!
Weet: Wow. You are America.
Mo Pie: Hee.
Weet: Kara's faking crying.
Mo Pie: What the hell, Kara?
Weet: (laughs hysterically at Kara's comments)
Mo Pie: Well I'm sorry I didn’t know the song, because apparently that was the key.

Mo Pie: Predictions?
Weet: Not Michael. Not Todrick.
Mo Pie: This Lee guy, maybe?
Weet: I say Adam Lamberrrrr. I mean Alex Lamberrrr.
Mo Pie: Yeah, he goes. That's the one spoiler I have.
Weet: Rock on me. Tim Urban was pretty good... he's no Todrick or Michael Lynche. I would also maybe say Garcia.
Mo Pie: There was Casey James.
Weet: Oh, "I'm Already There"... I'll vote for "Already There" kid. Aaron Kelly.
Mo Pie: Good call.

Weet: So Todrick Hall was eliminated.
Mo Pie: You're kidding!!
Weet: Well, he's always got a part in Rent. Also, Jumper Girl.
Mo Pie: Well, we saw that coming.
Weet: And Lily Scott.
Mo Pie: Wasn't she in the pimp spot? Wow, I liked her!
Weet: She was! So there it is.
Mo Pie: There it is…

Weetapidol out!

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Top 9 Girls: Something Shy of Amizing

We're going to Skype, and one of us is going to type what we're saying. This hearkens back to the old-timey days when we used to be in the same room! So we'll see how it goes.

Weet : I have to tell you I don't know any of these people. I haven't watched it at all. I know there's something about Pants on the Ground? I know nothing.
MoPie : Just for the record, Pants on the Ground is awesome.
Weet : I have to go and YouTube it.
MoPie : Okay, where are you in your video?
Weet : It starts with a girl who looks like she might be from Flowers in the Attic, staring with dead eyes into the camera, and there's lights behind her.
MoPie : THIS! Is A.... merican Idol! Wait, I love playing this game with the opening credits, where you see how little of Taylor there is in it.
Weet : They have Ruben in it, though. I still think they would pimp J. Hud a little more.
MoPie : It's only the winners, though.
Weet : This is my first experience with Ellen, but right now she's kind of turning me on. Kara's trying too hard.
MoPie : You say that about the woman who's NOT sitting on Simon's lap.
Weet : Simon is now engaged to a waitress.
MoPie : I think she's a makeup artist?
Weet : Whatever. That's the same thing.

Katie Stevens, "Breakaway"

Weet : Ooh, she's doing Kelly Clarkson!
MoPie : It's the eyelashes that kind of make her Flowers in the Attic.
Weet : It is the eyelashes! I'm not feeling it, dawg.
MoPie : You never want to set yourself up for a comparison to Kelly Clarkson.
Weet : Also, her pants are tragic. She has very pretty hair though.
MoPie : No... to that note, I say no.
Weet : It's like my karaoke fail this weekend.
MoPie : We failed together this weekend.
Weet : I'm sorry Katie, no. I like the Idolette in the background, though. I wanted to like Miss Katie.
MoPie : Judges! Randy's saying, "You're no Kelly Clarkson."
Weet : It was like karaoke!
MoPie : Yeah, Randy is much more useful this season. And was not the right song, Ellen. And now.. Kara
Weet : Saying you have a radio voice on this show is kind of like saying you have a radio face.
MoPie : Kara is useless.
Weet : God I forgot how much I hate the way Kara talks.
MoPie : We don't know how Katie looked two weeks ago.
Weet : I'll take Simon's word that she looks better.
MoPie : I've seen some episodes and I still don't remember her. I don't remember her at all. That doesn't bode well.


Siobhan Magnus, "House of the Rising Sun"

Weet : We know a Magnus!
MoPie : We're rooting for her.
Weet : We shall see.
MoPie : Look at Ryan's little hair! It's all [makes a church steeple sign with her hands on her head]. Dude, acapella!
Weet : It's not my favorite song.
MoPie : She's got great lips, with the little lip gloss, and that was awesome.
Weet : She does look cute. And also, apparently has seven feet long legs.
MoPie : She'll be in the top twelve for sure. Even over skype, over the Captain's office phone ringing, this still sounds great.
Weet : It is. It's am--izing.
MoPie : Amizing?
Weet : Yes, amizing!
MoPie : I'm going to put her up high in my Weetapidol pool picks.
Weet : When do we have to have Weetapidol pool picks in?
MoPie : Top 12! Oh, shut up, Kara. Shut. Up. Kara.
Weet : She's so smarmy.
MoPie : That performance was not weird! It was the first time I've seen her and it wasn't weird to me.
Weet : I thought it was a bit dark, I could agree with that.
MoPie : Really?
Weet : I do like her little top, though.
MoPie : She's adorable. I hate how Ryan is going to start arguing with the judges every time. There's already eight million judges, Ryan, we don't need another one. Gasp! She did the vote-pimping fingers!
Weet : I hate the fingers.

Lacey Brown, "Some Brandi Carlysle Song"

Weet : I hate Brandi Carlysle
MoPie : Is it the hair? You hate the hair?
Weet : No, I hate Brandi Carlysle. She sings that horrible I Hope You Dance Song.
MoPie : This girl is trying way too hard to be quirky. Leopard print, red hair, green finger nails, pearls. "I'm so quirky! So vintage! So cool!"
Weet : I'm with you. She's inventing her personality through accessories.
MoPie : I just don't like her voice, the tone of her voice. I just don't like her.
Weet : That was forgettable.
MoPie : It wasn't a happy song, was it? She kept smiling. And she was whining at the end.
Weet : (Listening to Randy) That's the best performance!?!?
MoPie : She's got to go home.
Weet : Ellen wants to sleep with her.
MoPie : Ellen has better taste than that. Have you seen Ellen's wife?
Weet : True.
MoPie : "You're back on your path" is the musical expertise of Kara. She just doesn't mean anything. This girl tries too hard!
Weet : I said it was forgettable! So did Simon!
MoPie : There's nothing about her that seems sincere to me. I just don't like her.

Katelyn Epperly, "I Feel the Earth Move"

Weet : Ooh, she's playing it!
MoPie : And she's wearing a jumpsuit.
Weet : Is that a good thing or a bad thing?
MoPie : I don't know...
Weet : This is very similar to what I wore to my high school graduation, only longer.
MoPie : Wow, I really missepelled "Katelyn" on my first try. That's like an 80s little jumper, isn't it?
Weet : Well, I graduated from high school in the 80s, so yeah. Thank you for pointing that out.
MoPie : Hee.
Weet : Is that a giant zit on her forehead or a mole?
MoPie : I think it is a zit?
Weet : Otherwise it's like a bullseye.
MoPie : If Randy says "I like your hair," that's a bad sign.
Weet : Yeah.
MoPie : Ellen says she's forgettable. And I literally can't remember what she sang ten seconds ago.
Weet : Do you just want to smack Kara so fucking bad?
MoPie : Yes.
Weet : She just has that look on her face...
MoPie : It's the whole gestalt of Kara.
Weet : She's basically sitting on Simon's lap.
MoPie : Because she doesn't want to be out of the shot.
Weet : Or she's trying to get the fuck away from Ellen. Homophobe! She really is in his shot, though. And there's like four feet betwene her and Ellen.
MoPie : Neither of us said anything about the singing.
Weet : It was there. I can see you coveting her necklace, though.
MoPie : No kidding, right?
Weet : That's a total Mo Pie necklace.


Didi Benamy, "Rhiannon"

MoPie : Fleetwood Mac!
Weet : WOO! I got a little excited there. OOH! I love this song.
MoPie : I love Fleetwood Mac.
Weet : Who does she sound like? Not Stevie Nicks.
MoPie : No idea.
Weet : It's kind of really weird and stilted.
MoPie : Her smile is weird to me.
Weet : She herself is weird but I kind of like her voice.
MoPie : Do you just like the song?
Weet : I really do, yeah. You know who she sounds like? Maria Taylor.
MoPie : I don't know who that is.
Weet : She's kind of an indie jangly chick singer.
MoPie : I tend to enjoy those.
Weet : How do we feel about the strange outfit.
MoPie : I have to see it.
Weet : It's one-sleeved.
MoPie : Then no. I'm over one sleeves.
Weet : Yeah. I thought this performance was a little bit more memorable.
MoPie : Than what?
Weet : Than the Carole King... and whatever the Flowers in the Attic girl did. She kind of has a bitchface, though.
MoPie : All these girls seem to be really the same to me.
Weet : I've heard that about this season too.
MoPie : Pretty white girls with shiny lip gloss
Weet : Well, that's the makeup artist's fault.
MoPie : I'm fixated.

Paige Miles "Smile"

Weet : Ok, she just won.
MoPie : Who is this?
Weet : Paige Miles.
MoPie : She does have a pretty voice. I've never even heard of this girl, though.
Weet : I didn't remember Kelly Clarkson until Big Band Week, which was like Top 6 or something.
MoPie : That was one of the best Idol performances of all time.
Weet : She's a little warbly, but I think she has potential.
MoPie : Let's see what the judges think.
(Randy thinks it didn't work, despite it being his favorite song of all time)
Randy is actually so much more useful this season, it's weird.
MoPie : Did Ellen just say that the song is supposed to be happy? Because the words are "smile though your heart is breaking." It's not a happy song. I like Ellen, but she doesn't know what she's talking about. Well, the judges hated her even though you loved her.
Weet : Well, what do they know?
MoPie : She's got really pretty eyes. They're like grey. They're beautiful.
Weet : They ARE gorgeous, and now she's crying. SMILE PAIGE though your heart is breaking!
MoPie : Well, I hope she doesn't get eliminated!
Weet : Me too!
MoPie : I would like to see more from her, not those other randos! She's so sparkly and shiny! She's cute! Don't vote her off, America!

Crystal Bowersox, "Gimme One Reason"

Weet : Look, Kara is like humping America's leg right now!
MoPie : I'm just stunned that she's doing Tracy Chapman. I like her because she's different. She's actually said things like "I'm in it for the money" and she refuses to bleach her teeth.
Weet : That's cool! She kind of rocks.
MoPie : She does kind of rock. She's going to go up high in my pool picks. This is a cool song for her, and that Tracy Chapman vibe, she's got that going on.
(The judges start talking.)
Oh Kara. I really would like them to fire Kara. I don't think I've expressed at all my true dislike of Kara, have I?
Weet : Mmm.
MoPie : I don't think Crystal's going to win, though. She's too Jason Castro-y. That's probably a random association because of the dreadlocks.
Weet : She's too divisive.
MoPie : I think she peaked too early. I don't think she's going to win.
Weet : Are you going to reassess where you're putting her in the pool because of that?
MoPie : I think she's one of the fake out front runners. But did anyone think Kris Allen was going to win last year? Not even the Weetapidol Hive Mind predicted that one.

Lily Scott, "I Fall To Pieces"

Weet : Oh Patsy. Oh Patsy you would hate this.
MoPie : Has she sung a Cyndi Lauper song yet? Because she should.
Weet : She reminds me of the girl from Squirrel Nut Zippers.
MoPie : Oh yeah! Totally! They put her last and they want her in the Top 12, because they put those people in the pimp spot. Her and Crystal, they are pretty much the stand out people.
Weet : She's got an interesting voice, distinctive, but it wasn't hot, Randy. Wasn't hot.
MoPie : Right, originality, but not hot. Even Ellen looks unamused by Kara.

Weet : Who's going home?
MoPie : I hope it's Flowers in the Attic girl and jumpsuit girl.
Weet : I hope it's not Paige. She's the only ethnic girl!
MoPie : I know! I don't want it to be some kind of Aryan nation top 12. Oh my god, now Siobhan did the two fingers thing behind Ryan! That makes me like her even less! Pimping! I disapprove.
Weet : Agreed, you should be able to stand on the merit of your own voice.

Weetapidol Out!

Wednesday, March 03, 2010

This Casey Guy Is Hot...

...but I'm pretty sure that if you hook up Karaoke Revolution, I can sing this Gavin DeGraw song better than he does. And have.

(Yes, we will be back! After Weetacon this weekend...)